Ask a Manager

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My boss watches me work from her home computer

I’m a food server in her bar. At my place of work, my boss is constantly watching my every move from her home computer. If I stop working for one second, the phone rings and she is bitching at me. Is this legal? It’s very abusive and annoying. What can I do to stop this?

Yes, it’s legal, as long as she’s not video-monitoring you in areas where you’d have a reasonable expectation of privacy (like the bathroom or a changing area). But using a video feed to monitor your workspace? Legal. Calling and complaining when she sees things she doesn’t like? Also legal.

And also obnoxious and bad management. You can try talking to her about it (“I do an excellent job, and it’s concerning to feel that you don’t trust me simply because I pause to breath for a moment; can we talk about what’s reasonable to expect?”), but she might just be wildly unreasonable, in which case your best option for stopping it is to change jobs.

2. Our board president keeps rewriting my work

I work in a communications/public relations position for a nonprofit. Our board president has a full-time position in the office and, in the past, has been content to let me write with little to no editing. Recently he has taken a much stronger interest in my work, substantially rewriting basic items like website posts and letters, occasionally adding grammatical errors as he does so. He is not my staff supervisor, but can certainly tell me what to do.

It’s not so much an ego thing – my byline appears on nothing, and everything is from “the organization.” But when my job is to write clean copy (which I do!) and it keeps getting revised for non-messaging reasons, I feel like I am not doing my job well and it makes me concerned for my future in this organization. I have asked him if there’s anything I can do to help cut back the time he has to edit my work and he said no. Anything else I can do? Should I be worried about my position here?

I think the problem is that you’ve phrased it as asking how you can help him cut back on editing — but he’s apparently happy to spend this amount of time editing. So while that was a diplomatic way to raise the issue, it was probably too veiled. Be more direct: “I’ve noticed you’ve recently been doing significant editing to my work, which is a change. Is there something that’s changed that has caused that?” … followed by, “I’ll be frank: I’m concerned that I’m not doing my job well when I see these kinds of rewrites. I’d like to be producing copy that doesn’t get edited this much. What do I need to be doing differently on my side to change that?”

You might also need to get your manager more involved in this, since your manager presumably has more oversight over the materials you’re producing and should have a voice in what’s happening to them. And depending on your manager’s role, she may need to loop in your organization’s executive director, because unless the board president also has an actual staff job in the organization, he shouldn’t have this level of involvement in day-to-day work; that’s a just a principle of good board/staff structure. (Of course, there are boards that don’t adhere to those principles, but what you’re describing is way out of sync with how a board member should be acting.)

3. Writing cover letters when you’re not a great writer

I really love your blog and the advice you provide, but I’m wondering if you could give a bit more advice on cover letters. Do you have any tips or resources for people who aren’t already great at writing? I’ve read your examples of great cover letters and they are great — the words flow off of the page and the writers are able to make really compelling cases for why they should be hired. I’m afraid that part of the reason my job search has been so stagnant lately is that I just can’t write on a level like that. I’m not great at writing, I never have been. Is there a way to write a cover letter that is “good” but not “great”?

Great writing helps, but it’s not essential to producing a cover letter (as long as you’re not applying for jobs that themselves require great writing, of course). You just need to write conversationally, show genuine enthusiasm, and talk about why you’d excel at the job (without simply regurgitating the information that’s on your resume). You could do that in conversation, right? Assuming so, you can do it in letter-form too. (And in fact, you might try doing it out loud first, as if you were talking to a friend about why you’d be great at the job, and then writing down what you hear yourself saying.)

It doesn’t have to be Hemingway; it just needs to convey the right information and sound genuinely interested. Truly. It’s such a pleasure to come across a letter that does that, even if it’s not flawlessly written.

4. How to convey to a headhunter that I don’t want to work in particular industries for ethical/religious reasons

I might be working with headhunters in the near future to find a new job. I am a financial analyst, and want to convey that I am open to working for any industry/company except for financial services or defense companies (for personal religious/ethical reasons). The vast majority of companies don’t fall into these two categories, so I’m not worried about job opportunities. My concern is that these recruiters usually have a broad network, and I want to make sure that they put full effort to finding companies that cater to my preferences. I am worried that it may come off as weird/inflexible when I tell them these preferences and they may not be as helpful. What is the best way to convey this request?

Well, first, headhunters don’t work for you; they work for their clients, who are employers who have jobs to fill. So don’t expect them to put “full effort” into helping you find a job; that’s not really what they do.

Beyond that, though, I don’t think you need to bring this up proactively. If they suggest a job that’s at a company you’re not comfortable with, you can explain that then. But there’s no reason to announce a blanket ban at the start of your work together, particularly since you don’t expect the majority of job possibilities to be affected by these preferences.

5. Keeping borderline personality disorder from affecting a career

I am currently a graduate student with a part-time job in food service, and I have borderline personality disorder. I’m in treatment and on medication, but because this is such a serious diagnosis, I still have a long way to go, and I often experience extreme psychological difficulties at work. I can often keep it together, but other times, I can’t. I can sometimes take a mild sedative to calm down, but I can’t be sedated at work all the time, and I don’t want to become dependent on this highly-addictive medication.

My boss recently approached me about emotional moments I’ve had at work, some of which I can’t even remember. I am lucky that my current boss and coworkers are accommodating of my issues, but I’m not going to be at this job forever, and I worry about my professional future, as I don’t know what kinds of accommodations are appropriate for this disorder. I was diagnosed with it six years ago, so it’s not new, but due to the stigma surrounding this, I’m often met with a lack of understanding and am unsure of what to do. I have had this disorder all my life and will have it the rest of my life, and I can’t, in good faith, promise an employer that it’s never going to interfere with my work. I have it as controlled as I possibly can, but moments of weakness do happen. Should I approach future jobs with the intention of making this disorder known or should I only bring it up if it becomes an issue?

I see a lot of your readers write about “crazy co-workers,” but what do you do if you’re the crazy one? I didn’t choose this disorder, and I’m just trying to live my life. I’m at a total loss. Please advise.

Ooooh, that’s tough, because you’re right that there’s a stigma around borderline personality disorder and you might end up doing yourself more harm than good by mentioning it. I suspect that your better bet is to work with your therapist on strategies for keeping it under control at work (not necessarily easy, I realize). But I’m curious what readers with some knowledge about this diagnosis have to say, so I’m throwing it out to them for advice on this one.

Read an update to this letter here.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My boss’s praise is alienating my coworkers

I’ve been with my company for four months in a sales position and in that time, I have become the number one sales rep in our company. My boss constantly praises me during our weekly sales meetings, and I think it’s beginning to irritate some of my coworkers. I have a good relationship with all of them, but I can’t help but feel a little embarrassed when my boss keeps using me as the measuring stick for their performance. Most of these people have been with my company for at least three years. I don’t know what to do about this. Of course I like the praise and recognition, but at the same time I don’t want to be seen as the boss’s pet. Do you have any suggestions?

Do you have reason to think all the praise is alienating your coworkers? Do people seem annoyed? How are your relationships with them? It’s possible that people are much more matter of fact about this than you’re worried they’ll be, so first make sure that you’re reading the situation correctly.

But if you’re seeing evidence that it’s becoming a problem — or even if it’s just making you uncomfortable — it’s perfectly reasonable to say (in private) something like this to your boss: “I really appreciate the great things you’ve said about my work, but I’m a little worried about being praised so much in front of other team members. I want to make sure I maintain good relationships with them, and I’m concerned about creating tension if my sales numbers are always being cited as the benchmark.” A good manager will hear that and tone down the public accolades.

2. Does this performance plan really exist?

My husband is in a situation that strikes me as somewhat odd. The management at his work is fairly incompetent, which has been a growing source of frustration for him, and he’s actively looking for a new job. However, at his recent annual review, he was informed that he’d be put on a “performance plan,” which would be discussed at a later meeting. He decided (and I agree) that the best course of action would be to accept the terms of the performance plan without argument and seek clarification on the metrics of the plan wherever possible, but on the whole redouble job-searching efforts.

Well, the later meeting came and went. There was no documentation of the plan, no follow-up email to document the conversation, and no HR presence (which is required by the company’s policy). Will the absence of documentation help or hurt him here? Is he better off quietly going about his business and not raising the issue of the details of the PIP, or should he be more proactive about the situation?

It could go either way. It’s possible that there isn’t an official PIP in place, which potentially helps him. But it’s also possible that there is one in place, and that he’s at a disadvantage from not seeing the details laid out within it about what he needs to improve in order to keep his job. The disadvantage posed by the second scenario is far greater than any advantage under the first scenario, so I’d encourage him to seek clarification from his manager.

3. Dealing with temps who are frustrated that I haven’t found work for them

I’ll be working in a temp agency as a recruiter. I admit I’m not the greatest at diffusing angry clients, but what would be the best thing to say to a client who is upset because “it’s taking so long” to place them on a job? It’s a sensitive situation and I don’t want to say anything that may offend them. I feel like saying “we’re doing the best we can” isn’t enough. Or is it?

Well, there’s a problem with the premise here. Job candidates are not your clients. Your clients are the employers who hire you to fill jobs for them. You don’t want to imply to candidates that you’ll “place” them, because that’s not what you do. And there are some job candidates you might never place, because they’re not right for any of the roles you’re charged with filling.

As for what to say to candidates who are frustrated that they haven’t had work assignments yet, I’d be honest with them about their chances and the fact that there’s no guarantee of whether or when you’ll have work for them, and explain a bit about how you fill assignments and what you’re generally looking for when you do.

4. How can I decline management responsibilities without damaging my career?

I’m one of the many people who excel at their job and therefore find themselves managing other employees. I seek guidance for managing people and do my best, but I don’t enjoy it. I accept it for now, but if I find myself in the position of being assigned supervisory duties again, how can I let an employer know that I’m not interested in that role without damaging my career?

Yeah, this is an annoying thing about many workplaces — the assumption is that as you get better and better at what you do, you should start managing people. It’s bizarre, because managing people is generally a totally different skill set than the work you’ve been excelling at your own. And yet many employers don’t have a track for moving up that doesn’t involve managing people.

But you shouldn’t manage people if it’s not something you’re truly interested in doing (because that usually leads to it being done badly). The only way around it is to be direct: “I love doing X, and I want to focus my energies on becoming better and better at that. Managing others is a different skill, and something I’d rather not return to.” However, you should also think about / talk about what you do want to focus on, and be realistic about the trade-offs in not managing people. (For instance, if you’re, say, an accountant and you never want to manage other accountants, there’s probably a limit on what you can earn and how much responsibility will be available to you, and there’s no easy way around that.)

5. How do I explain why I want to leave my current job?

I’ve been working at my current organization for 12 months, and generally enjoy my job. Recently however, the organization has lost a major contract and rumors are rife that other large contracts will be pulled too, which isn’t helping staff morale. Senior management & the CEO of the organisation have expressed confidence & optimism for the future, but many of my coworkers are unconvinced.

I want to start a job search just in case things do get worse, but I am worried this will make me look flaky to potential employers, particularly when expressing why I want to leave my current job. I’m concerned that telling the truth and saying I’m worried about my job security will look like I’m being very disloyal to my current employer for jumping ship before it potentially sinks.

At the same time, I feel using a cliched “I’m looking for new opportunities” answer will make me look flaky and like I can’t stick to a job for any length of time. My 5 years of professional work history include a 2 year job I left because I was being bullied, an 18 month job I left to pursue full-time education (although those plans fell through at the last minute) and now the 12 months I’ve put in to my current role. I’m concerned this will make me look like a job hopper, even though my leaving each job was fully justified at the time, and simply because I was bored.

So how do I go about answering the “why do you want to leave your current job?” question without lying, looking like a job hopper, or coming across as a disloyal employee?

Nope, it’s totally normal to say, “We’re having some funding issues, and I’d like to move somewhere more stable.” That’s not badmouthing; that’s a normal, reasonable explanation. Frankly, you could be even more specific and say “we lost a major contact and may be losing more” — but if that’s information that your company doesn’t want public at this point, then I’d start to the first wording.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Our intern talks like a child

I’m a recent graduate working as a clinical social worker at a program with people with dual diagnosis. They can be a “tough crowd” sometimes, as many are referred from the prisons or probation, so a professional demeanor is especially important. While it is technically my boss’s job to supervise all of our interns, it has fallen on me and another coworker to train them and give them feedback. One of the interns comes across as very young for a 20-21-year-old. She speaks in a very childish manner, says “umm” and “like” excessively, uses “up-talk,” giggles a lot, etc. The clients do not respect her at all and it will not help her to move forward in her career. When she gets her first paid job, she needs to come across as a professional.

First, should I address this issue? I could bring it up to my boss, but knowing her style, she will never broach the topic (partially due to avoidance, and partially because she sets the bar way too low for interns who will be entering the professional world in six months). If I should address it, how can I do this without hurting her feelings? I know it shouldn’t matter, but she seems very fragile and has never worked at all, so I’m guessing she has only experienced praise, especially with her “cute” demeanor.

Yes, please say something! You say that it’s fallen to you to give her feedback, and this is absolutely something worthy of giving feedback on — especially for interns, where part of the point of an internship to learn about professional norms and work habits.

I’d say something like this: “I’ve noticed that you sometimes use speech patterns that make you sound less serious than you are — things like X, Y, and Z. I know from working with you that you’re smart and thoughtful, but when you talk like that, it will make people take you less seriously and can get in the way of your ability to be effective. That’s actually true in any professional environment, but it’s doubly true with the populations we work with, where having a professional demeanor is especially important.”

If your tone is “I think you’re great and I want to see you succeed,” it’ll probably be easier for her to hear. And if you can throw in a side of “I know this switch can be hard to make when you’re at the start of your career,” that will help too.

2. Should my resume mention that I’m training to be a fitness instructor?

I recently decided to begin training as a fitness instructor. I started practicing this particular workout as part of my regular fitness routine, but now am at the point where I really love it and want to share it with others. I have a full-time “day job” in government relations and have no intention of leaving or making fitness my primary source of income. I will only be doing the fitness coaching some nights after work and on the weekends.

With that in mind, should I list this on my resume or Linkedin profile? It is not relevant to my work or career field, but I could see an argument to be made in listing it to show that I have a diverse set of skills and can manage multiple time commitments. Yet, I don’t want it to draw attention away from my actual job or have it be a distraction.

I wouldn’t list it since it’s not relevant to the work you do. Employers are less likely to see it as evidence that have a diverse set of skills (irrelevant if those skills don’t help you do your job better) or that you can manage multiple time commitments and more likely to worry that it will distract you from your main job. That’s especially true since you’re just training to do it now, which raises the question of whether you’ll soon want to build your career in that space instead of your current one.

I’d rather see you fill your resume with accomplishments related to your field.

3. Explaining a recent gap in employment, on LinkedIn

If I recall correctly, you advise people to use cover letters to explain circumstances why a resume has gaps or seems otherwise sketchy. For example, they should explain that they have been unable to take long-term employment due to external circumstances such as an ill parent, and that those circumstances have been resolved. Should my LinkedIn profile contain a similar explanation? (I had to be available to help my mother after she suffered a bad fall. She’s in physical therapy now and is doing great.)

My most recent LinkedIn job title is “Freelance Teapot Designer” and shows that I have been doing that for the past eight months. I can only list a couple of bullet points because of the nature of the short-term assignments I’ve taken. I’m concerned that it screams OH HAI I CAN’T FIND FULL-TIME WORK BECAUSE I SUCK. Would a brief explanation in my profile hurt or help?

I wouldn’t. For whatever reason, it’s not the convention to list that kind of thing on LinkedIn.

4. Should I be alerting employers that I’m deaf in one ear?

I have an issue which is going to come up as I finish my education and start to look for jobs. I am completely deaf on one side only, with excellent hearing on the other ear. This, combined with a fantastic drama teacher and years of coping means it is difficult for people to realise I have a hearing problem. It is usually only an issue when there is excessive background noise, and I am not embarrassed to ask people to repeat themselves when I need it.

My question is, when do I tell prospective employers? I am currently looking at an application form which asks me to let them know if I have special needs, but as there are no accommodations an employer can provide for me, I don’t know whether I count for that. I have been registered as disabled during all of my education, but there were no special accommodations in place for me. If I get to an interview stage, do I tell them straight out? I have done so in the past, stressing I can cope perfectly well with my hearing loss. I’ve even managed to work in a noisy bar with this disability, so it is doable! If I’m not up front about it, do I face any legal issues?

I don’t want to put prospective employers off by mentioning a disability (which, for me, is more of an inconvenience most of the time), but I also don’t want to appear to be hiding it. Ideally, this shouldn’t be an issue for any hiring managers as I’m not going into fields where full hearing is essential, but I’d like to know when you think is the best time to disclose this?

If you’re not requesting any accommodations, there’s no need to mention it all. If there are times when it’s useful for people to be aware of it, then I’d probably mention it early on a new job (once you’ve started), in the context of “hey, I have this issue, and it’s usually not a problem but I figured I’d make you aware of it” … but it’s entirely up to you, both in terms of timing and whether you mention it at all. (There’s zero legal obligation to alert people to it.)

5. How many pay stubs should I keep?

This is probably a no-brainer for people who have actually had multiple professional jobs, but I just don’t know who to ask it to! I have a tentative offer for a new job, and while I haven’t put in notice yet, I’m working on starting to subtly wrap things up at my current job. My employer offers only electronic paystubs, and I don’t think I’ll have access to the system for long after I leave. Should I print copies of my paystubs for my own records? If so, how many? A year? The entire three years I’ve been with the organization? None?

It’s smart to get this stuff into your own files, and I don’t actually think it’s a no-brainer for more experienced people! Assuming that the stubs all include year-to-date info, I’d just print the last one of the year for each year you’ve worked there, and the three most recent for the current year.