Ask a Manager

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My office is only assigning women to cover the phones

I work in a small office of about 12 people, with a fairly balanced mix of men and women. There’s no dedicated receptionist so any incoming calls are answered and handled by the customer service department, which was made up of two women. Well, this week one of the women quit, so the other has been left to handle all incoming calls on her own. Today, the CS manager, a man, sent an email to every woman in the office. He copied my manager and the CEO, both men, as well as the HR rep, a woman (but the CEO’s daughter). He opened with, “Ladies,” and proceeded to explain that we all needed to help assist with the phones.

I think we were picked because we’re women, not because of our particular jobs. There are men in non-managerial roles who weren’t included, and the women who were span seniority levels, including two managers.

Legally, can my employer do this, make this request of only the women in the office? In theory, I don’t mind helping out, assuming it’s temporary until a new customer service rep is hired, but I do mind being singled out simply for being a woman. Regardless of whether it is legal, is there a way to voice my displeasure? If it’s relevant, there is a strong boy’s club mentality among the senior male staff and I have no love for the company (desperately trying to leave).

It is indeed illegal for an employer to make decisions about job assignments based on sex, although I don’t think going straight to “it’s illegal” is where you want to start here (although it’s good to have in your back pocket if you need it).

Precisely who you raise this to and how you say it will depend on the dynamics and relationships in your office, but you should absolutely push back on this. In some offices, the best response would be a direct reply or even a “reply all” saying, “This shouldn’t be assigned to all the women. Can you please add the men into the rotation here too?” In other offices, you’d need to go talk to the sender in person, or speak to your manager, or enlist a female senior manager to handle it (and in some offices, the “reply all” might be wildly inappropriate). So you need to know your own office, but yes, raise it and raise it ASAP.

2. I have trouble pronouncing a coworker’s name

I’m having difficulty pronouncing a colleague’s name, and another colleague is correcting me during group meetings in a confrontational way.

The name in question is a traditional Irish name: “Lorcan,” which is pronounced very much the way it is written. Unfortunately, I am from near Liverpool in the UK and we have a dialect which is known as “Scouse.” One of the features of this accent is the tendency to use u’s instead of o’s, i.e., to say “buk” instead of “book.”

As you have probably guessed, I am pronouncing my colleague’s name as “Lurcan” instead of “Lorcan,” which is apparently causing a great deal of annoyance to his colleague. We have a monthly review with the gentleman in question, and whenever I mention Lorcan’s name, he corrects me every time with “It’s Lorcan, not Lurcan.” What usually follows is me repeating the name in a way that I hope is closer to the correct pronunciation, but usually with minimal success. It is beginning to get very embarrassing for me, and as the person in question is my superior, I am worried that taking it up with him or going to my direct superior may adversely affect my career.

I also now have another concern, which is that Lorcan himself is annoyed by my pronunciation of his name, and that the colleague is voicing Lorcan’s opinion on his behalf. Can you please advise me on what you would recommend I do in order to give the most positive outcome from this unpleasant situation?

Have you explained that you’re doing your best but it’s an accent issue? The next time it happens, I’d say something like, “Yes, I know. I’m trying, but my accent seems to have other ideas.” If the colleague knows that you’re trying and continues to give you a hard time about it, he’s being a jerk and that will be obviously to anyone watching.

3. Can I work my way up by starting as an assistant?

My question is about working your way up in a corporation. Is that even done anymore? I may be in my early 20s, but I’m not a fan of jumping around from place to place just to grow, and am hoping to stay somewhere for 10+ years and grow a career. I have a couple of potential job offers on my plate for executive assistant positions to CEOs and big guys in the field–would you advise taking these kinds of positions if you’re looking to eventually move on to the more technical side of things (e.g. project management, policy analyst)? Or is this a surefire way to get pigeonholed into support positions?

It can be done, but it really depends on the particular organization you’re in (as well as how awesome you are). There are many places (the majority, even) where you’d be pigeonholed into a support position. There are others, though, where you can work your way up from that type of role (although they’re typically smaller organizations). You’d want to really be sure of which type you were entering, and it’s something you should ask about directly during the interview stage.

4. Should I mention to my recruiter that my spouse is applying for a job too?

I met with a (large) company’s top internal recruiter who strongly encouraged me to apply for a position and e-mail them when I sent in the online form. Since then, I have spoken with my spouse about the company, and he is also interested in applying – they have positions in his field, great benefits, and we would have to relocate anyway. I don’t think it would be so unusual at this company for a married couple to come in together and work there. After I apply, should I include a line in my email to the recruiter to say that my spouse also applied for a different position?

Nope. You’re not a package deal, and you don’t want to do anything that implies that you think you’re a unit in a professional context.

5. How much should I remember about jobs 5+ years ago?

How well should we be able to speak about the contents of our resumes? Recently a recruiter was asking me about an internship I had at while I was in law school. I am looking for administrative work now but still at a law firm. I include my law school internships because in the past, interviewers seemed to want to know what I did during my summers even though I am looking at non-lawyer roles. However, the internship was 5 years ago and I found that I couldn’t speak to it very much at all. Should I leave it off my resume? How would you suggest we handle some level of fading as a result of time?

Reasonable interviewers won’t expect you to recall every detail of work experience from five years ago, but it’s not crazy to expect you to be able to talk in general terms about the work you did then — the sorts of projects, what you accomplished, etc. If you’re finding that it’s all a haze, I’d say to spend some time before any interviews thinking through what you did in those roles so that you’re more prepared to talk about them.

That said, if the questions are particularly nit-picky, there’s nothing wrong with saying, “Gosh, it’s been five years, but from what I remember….”

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. How to answer “what do you do?” when you’re unemployed

What’s the best way to answer the “what do you do?” question in a city where it’s almost always asked and when you’re unemployed and looking for work?

I’ve been doing a lot of one-on-one networking, and in those meetings it’s clear from the beginning that I’m unemployed based on the way I phrase my email. The problem seems to be more at events, conferences, and social gatherings (though in this town social gatherings are also a great place to network). Obviously people don’t want to hear your whole life story, but I also don’t want to present myself as someone to pity, or, worse, someone who is overreaching in trying to demonstrate their value (I went to X program, just finished a contract at Y company, am currently in the interview stages at Z). Do I say that I finished a grad program in May? That I recently moved here? That I’m interviewing around but a good fit hasn’t come up yet?

I’d love a phrase to convey that I’m looking but am excited about the opportunities here and confident I’ll find something worthwhile, while also opening up the possibility for the person I’m speaking with to suggest a person/organization/short-term gig.

“I just finished a grad program in X earlier this year and am looking for work doing Y.”

That’s really it. Your initial answer shouldn’t get into the fact that you’re confident you’ll find something good or that the right fit hasn’t appeared yet. Further conversation might take you there, but it’ll be weird (and sound a little defensive) if you start with those things.

2. My employer has restrictions on how I can spend my salary

I recently accepted a new position (yay, thanks in part to your blog!) with a non profit. I am technically a fellow rather than a full-time staff member. During my interview, I was informed that half of my salary comes from my host organization and half is funded by another program. I was also told that the second half of my pay is designated for living expenses but that my salary would be the same as a non-fellow in my position. I had no problems with this.

A few days into my new job, I received an email from the program advising me that as per new restrictions, I am only allowed to use the second half of my pay to cover very specific expenditures. Additionally, if my permitted expenditures don’t reach the maximum amount possible, I simply don’t receive that maximum amount. For example, if my host site approves a living allowance of $2000/month and I only spend $1200/month on living costs (as very narrowly defined by the org) then I only get $1200/month. This part of our pay is not to be used on transportation costs, car payments, car insurance, home internet, cell phone bills, etc. We can ask the host org to purchase gift cards from a reputable grocery store but only in a certain amount and with the caveat that we can’t use the card to purchase alcohol.

Is the program allowed to dictate our personal spending because we’re “fellows”? I’m frustrated that as an adult, I can’t make the choice to live frugally and use the remainder of my salary to pay off existing debt. Similarly, I can’t make the choice to live a bit farther from work and spend less on rent because I won’t recoup the commuting costs. We are allowed to use the money toward student loan payments but we’re also strongly encouraged to defer those payments while we’re in the program. I’d just love to get your thoughts on this situation.

It sounds like like they’re saying your salary is $X, and they’ll also cover living expenses up to a maximum of $Y. In other words, they’re not dictating how you spend your salary — but your salary is only half of the total figure, and the other half is reimbursement for a list of narrowly defined expenses. It’s not unheard of for internships and fellowships to have arrangements like this — it’s basically a stipend plus living expenses.

But if they weren’t clear with you about that before you started and instead just told you that your salary would be $X + $Y, then there are definitely legal issues here; they promised you a salary that they aren’t paying you.

But it sounds like they did explain that there was some sort of unusual arrangement here. Without knowing the details of exactly how it was laid out, it’s hard to say whether they still weren’t as clear as they should have been.

Regardless, the question for you now is, knowing that your salary is actually half of what you thought it would be, plus living expenses up to a maximum of $Y, do you want the job?

3. My coworkers are treating me as the voice for everything disability-related in our office

I am a full-time wheelchair user, and I’ve been in my (entry-level, temporary) job for nearly two years now. When I was first hired, I was asked about reasonable accommodations in the work space, and aside for some help getting things off of high shelves, I didn’t need anything.

Now, apparently the affirmative action office at my work has been insisting that my office should put in automatic door buttons on the two interoffice doors in our space. To be clear, there are already buttons on all entry doors to the building and the entry door to our space. These are just doors that go between our office and the next one over. My boss and one of the senior-level employees in the office next door made sure I was aware of the upcoming change, and were very clear that it had nothing to do with me, but that the AA office was insisting on it.

Here’s the problem. As word has been going around the two offices, a couple people have been approaching me to ask about the change. I’m sure that will only happen more as work begins. It’s mostly been questions like, “Did you request that?” “If you didn’t, who did?” “Why are they doing that?” It seems innocuous, but I get really tired of explaining disability-related things at work, and I don’t want to have conversations about accommodations that aren’t for me and that I didn’t request. And I really don’t want to have to remind these coworkers – for the millionth time – that there are other disabled people in the world who might work here one day, who may want or need these accommodations. I know I’m an obvious target for disability-related questions, but how can I shut these interactions down? Or even better, how can I head them off before they begin?

Any chance that you can explain the situation to your boss and enlist her help in heading it off? It’s totally reasonable to say, “I’d rather not be the voice for everything disability-related at work, but I’m getting a bunch of questions about the AA’s office decision. Could you (or the AA office themselves) say something to people to head these queries off, so that I don’t continue to get approached as the Voice on All Things Disability-Related?”

You can also simply say to people who approach you, “I don’t know anything about it.” And if someone is pushy, it’s reasonable to add, “Having a visible disability doesn’t mean that I’m in the loop on everything disability-related here.”

4. Explaining to employers why I’m leaving grad school after a year

I am in the second year of three of a professional degree (Master of Divinity) whose graduates go into very specialized work in ministry as pastors or chaplains. I’ve learned the hard way it’s a bad idea to go into grad school without a clear vision of how this will positively impact one’s career. I’ve decided to start looking for full time jobs in hopes of sparing myself some pain and money. How would I address unfinished graduate work if I’m currently in school? I have decent experience in nonprofit work, and I’ve had relevant coursework and internships in the field during my first year in school. How can I spin this without having major gaps in my resume or coming across as a quitter?

“I’ve realized that I don’t want to pursue a career as a pastor or chaplain and instead want to ___. I’m excited to move back into full-time work.”

Hiring managers aren’t going to be terribly concerned about you being a quitter. The bigger concern with grad school is that you really want to do the thing you went to school for and are just settling for some other type of work. Because you’re leaving a year in, it’s pretty clear that that’s not the case with you.

5. Sending post-interview thank-you notes if you’re offered the job or another interview

Twice this week, I had experienced cases where I received either a verbal offer or another interview before I could send post-interview thank-you emails. In both cases, I stalled on sending emails because I didn’t know if it made sense due to the fact that I would be further engaging with these individuals. Does it make sense to send thank-you emails if you are moving further along in the pipeline?

If you’re offered a job, there’s no need to still send a post-interview thank-you. At that point, the conversation has jumped to such a different stage that it would seem odd. But if you’re simply offered another interview, yes, you should still send a note following up on the first interview. In it, you can mention that you’re looking forward to talking further at your next meeting.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Can I speak up about my concerns about my boss’s possible replacement?

I suspect that my boss is interviewing for other jobs. She is the most loyal, fair, and downright nicest boss I’ve ever had—a true advocate for her staff. If she were to leave, I suspect that a former colleague who tried to stab me in the back at a previous job would go for her spot.

I believe that I am a valued employee, as evidenced in my reviews. Would I be able to say something about this potential replacement beforehand, and if so, what could I say? Be honest about her bad behavior that I witnessed at my previous job? Or do I have to wait and see who gets hired, and if it’s my former colleague, say something then?

It depends on your relationships with the people who would be involved in deciding who to hire. If you have strong relationships with those people and a lot of personal credibility, you can say nearly anything if you go about it the right way. For instance: “I’m not sure if you’re considering Jane for the role, but if you are, I wonder if I could share some concerns I have about working with her.”

You definitely shouldn’t wait to speak up until after a hiring decision is made though; at that point, it’s highly unlikely that they’d reverse the decision. But you also need to wait until your boss announces she’s leaving. And of course, it’s also possible that none of this will ever come to fruition, so for now I’d just keep watching.

2. My company banned my husband and I from PDA, even on breaks

My husband and I recently started working at the same place. We were recently reprimanded for displaying public affection (holding hands, peck on the cheek) during our lunch break. I completely understand no PDA while on the job, but we clock out for an hour lunch. We’re not on the clock and not getting paid. I don’t feel they have the right to dictate what I do during that time. (Obviously within reason.) Do I have any legal rights in this regard?

If you’re on company property, even if you’re on a break, they have the right to ban that kind of thing at work. It might seem a little heavy-handed, but is it really a big deal to treat each other as you would any other coworker while you’re at work? And really, you’re both new there; no matter how unreasonable you find their stance, making a stink about this is exactly the wrong way to build a good reputation — do you want to be known the new hire who was upset that she was told no PDA at work?

Just treat each other like coworkers until you’re back at home.

3. Asking coworkers to stop walking behind my desk

How do I politely ask coworkers who are far above me in the “food chain” to please stop walking behind my desk without seeming whiny or petty? I sit in a low-walled cubicle in an open walkway, but the walkway is very clearly in front of my desk, not behind it — there is a narrow space intended only for the cube sitter to get in and out. I understand all of these people have offices and hence cannot relate to the violation of personal space which this feels like, but I am becoming more angry the longer I don’t say anything. I have no idea how to make a request like this to people who are so far above me and do not want to come off the wrong way.

For the record, I’m not the only one who finds this wildly annoying and rude — so much so that our office recently implemented a policy that the mail room staff could only use the main walkway when doing drop-offs during the day instead of short cutting behind everyone’s cube.

Any chance you can slightly reposition your desk or chair to make it more clearly not a walkway, or even just physically impossible for them to walk behind you? I think that’s your better bet.

4. I was sent home but didn’t realize I wouldn’t be paid

My job asked me to go home and return later due to an inconvenience. You see, I’m a delivery driver and my van wouldn’t start. Since we only have two vans (go figure), I was prompted to wait for the other van to finish its route in order for me to do mine. Fine. Now my fellow driver/supervisor asks me if I want to go home. I agree, since I knew there was nothing for me to do there or at home, but why not go home, right? It’s only 10 minutes away. Fast forward to the main issue. I get a message at the end of the day telling me that I was supposed to clock out for the time that I was asked to go home, meaning they don’t intend to pay me for doing nothing. While I can’t fault them for wanting that, I definitely feel uneasy about it, like I deserve to get paid for pretty much waiting to work offsite. Any advice on my next step?

I think you’re out of luck here. In hourly jobs, being sent home (or being offered the opportunity to go home) generally means you’re clocking out and not getting paid. That’s why they’re sending you home. I get that you didn’t realize this, but it’s a common enough practice that I don’t think there’s really any way to push back on it.

5. What to do when a reference dies

I’m a fairly recent college graduate with limited full-time work experience. Most of my experience comes from an administrative job I had while in college. My husband and I have just moved to a new state for his work, and while I was able to use some family connections to obtain a job, I’ve always seen it as temporary and have been continuously on the job hunt.

I’ve put out quite a few applications in our new area, which invariably ask for references. However, one of my former managers, who was my supervisor at my college job, just passed away. He was listed as a reference on all of those previously submitted applications. I am just beginning to get calls for interviews. How do I approach this subject with a potential interviewer so as to minimize the awkwardness as much as possible? I assume they need to be made aware that they will not be able to speak with him, and I certainly don’t want to run the risk of them speaking to his widow, who was also a manager in our small office.

I’d raise it at the end of the interview — saying something like, “By the way, I submitted references along with my initial application. Since then, one of my references — Bob Miller, my former manager at ABC, has passed away. I wanted to make you aware of that, in case you’re planning to reach out to references in the next stage of things.”

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My coworkers were on their phones while we were interviewing a candidate

I have been in my current entry level role in higher education for about three months. Things are going fairly well and I like most of my co-workers.

My staff was recently asked to interview a new, entry level, candidate for our team. During the interview I was in, one of the director-level staff members and his direct report spent most of the interview on their cell phones. This is something that I certainly noticed and I am sure the candidate did as well since she was sitting right next to them. In general, I quite like the director-level staff member and I do not feel this is reflective of his personality. Regardless, it is poor interview practice and something I am more closely aware of after having gone through the process myself so recently. What’s the best way to address this without ruffling any feathers? He is not my direct supervisor but I have a relatively good rapport with him.

You can’t, really. You’re absolutely right that it’s tremendously rude (as well as unproductive; they’re not going to be able to assess the candidate well if they’re not engaged in the conversation). But you’re in an entry-level role, and you don’t really have the standing to correct someone above you in the hierarchy on something like this. The most you could do would be to say something to your own manager, if you have a good rapport with her — something like, “I felt bad for the candidate that Fergus and Lucinda were on their cell phones for most of our interview with the candidate. Do you think it’s worth someone mentioning it to them?”

2. My work computer breaks every day

Technology has not been my friend lately. I started a new job about two weeks ago and my computer at my workstation has not worked right since. IT has come and look at it a million times, yet it stops working every day, and I feel like I keep bothering my manager about this. She seems apologetic, but I am afraid she’s getting annoyed. Am I handling this right by going to my manager?

Ask her. “I hate having to bother you about this every day. Is there some other way I should be handling it?”

But also, at this point, I’d address the bigger picture, not each individual instance — meaning that you probably need to ask IT whether they’re confident there’s a permanent fix or whether you could get a different computer, since this has to be impacting your productivity.

Read an update to this letter here.

3. When should I tell social media followers that I’m leaving my job?

I work for a large media group but soon might in the position where I move on to another publication. A big part of my job is social media branding. In the event I do move, on, when is it appropriate to tell my social media followers I will be leaving my current position? The day I put in my two weeks notice? My last day at my current position? The first day at my new position?

The Twitter account is originally my personal account, but it is now linked with the company’s website (if I use a certain hashtag), and people who read my articles are referred to my Twitter page. It is an account I can continue to use if I leave the position. My Facebook account is entirely personal (we are required to have Twitter, not Facebook) and is something I use just to promote myself as a reporter by sharing content.

I think either your last day at your old job or after you start your new job would be fine. Doing it when you put in your notice is probably overkill; your followers probably aren’t terribly concerned at that point, but rather just want to know once the change is in effect (if even then; most people won’t care too much).

However, there have been some weird court cases regarding who “owns” social media accounts that are used for business, even when they started as personal accounts, so you might want to wait until you’ve left your old employer, just to play it safe.

4. Working for a relative who barely pays me

I work for a relative who doesn’t have money to pay me. I was unemployed and she started her business and needed help, but didn’t have any funds to pay someone. I told her I could work a few months for free, but after the new year I would need some funds for bills. She drove me back and forth to work, but that ended when someone needed to be there full-time. I agreed to work full time for less than my hourly rate and for part-time pay. Then she gave up her pay to pay me full-time. She reminds me of this at pay time. I’m the last one paid since I’m a relative.

The company doesn’t have money because she won’t work it. She comes in at 11 a.m. and leaves at 3 p.m., and gets upset if she has to work until 5. Also, she threatens that if I make a mistake and it cost her money, then she’ll take it out of my pay. If she makes a mistake, she blames it on me and threatens to deduct it from my pay. Also, I’ll do something to pull in money and she’ll screw it up and say the funds are too low to pay me. Am I crazy for staying here to help out a relative? She doesn’t have money to hire anyone else.

Yes.

You’re accepting abusive behavior from someone who you’re doing a favor for. On top of that, she’s shown she isn’t even bothering to try to help herself. Why are you trying harder to make her business a success than she is?

If she was being kind and appreciative and treating you well, this would still be a questionable undertaking for you (unless you’re independently wealthy and don’t need an income). But she’s treating you like crap. Why stay?

5. Explaining why I’m leaving a job after 19 years

I have several interviews coming up and am excited about them. One thing that is going to be problematic is that I have been with the same company for 19 years. I decided to leave because I don’t like the direction the place is headed and I think there is much more opportunity for me elsewhere.

I don’t want to say anything negative about my old company in the interviews because that is bad form but how should I deal with the inevitable question: “Why do you want to leave Company X after 19 years?”

“It’s been 19 years and I’m eager to do something new” is going to be a pretty understandable answer. No need to go into anything else.