Ask a Manager

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. I can’t let go of wanting a job that isn’t contacting me

There is a position that I have been wanting since before I graduated, but I used “needing my degree” as an excuse for not applying for the job. Two months after graduating, the position was still available so I decided to call the hiring manager. I explained to him that I did not have the experience he was looking for, and the fact that I was a recent grad, and that I knew the position had been open for a while and I figured he was looking for the right person and that I felt I was the candidate they were looking for. I asked if he could take a look at my resume in hopes for an interview, and he agreed.

Three months passed and they finally called me for an interview. During the interview (no excuses), I choked.

After three weeks of hearing nothing, I finally emailed the manager, who is now the director, to apologize for the interview and to let him know that he would be seeing my name again in the future. A month after that, seeing that the position was still available, I sent another email, in hopes of speaking to him or getting a second interview or feedback, but still nothing.

It’s now been close to three months later and the position is still available and I really want it. This is the place I would like to build my career in and stay until I retire. I really haven’t applied to many other places because I have a gut feeling about this position, but it’s starting to seem like it’s not going to happen. I feel like following up once more. In other circumstances, I would just keep looking, but there is something about this job that I can’t let go of. Can you guide please guide me to making the right decision?

Move on. You’ve already been pretty aggressive with them, and they know that you’re interested. They’ve interviewed you. You’ve reiterated your interest since then, twice. If they want to make you an offer, they will — but if you continue to contact them, you risk becoming the annoying candidate who doesn’t know how to take no for an answer.

The biggest mistake you’re making here is by not applying to many other jobs because your heart is set on this one. You should never, ever do that, even when you think you’re perfectly qualified (which isn’t even the case here) — because you really can’t know from the outside if you’re as perfect of a fit as you think, someone else could be better qualified, the position could be canceled, or all sorts of other things. Put this job out of your mind, assume it’s not going to happen, and ramp up your applications to other positions. The longer you’re out of school without working, the harder your search will get — so you need to act with some urgency in applying for other positions.

2. My new boss didn’t acknowledge my mother’s death

I am feeling horrible about my boss. She has not been here a year and I have worked here almost 14 years. My mother recently passed away and she has not even given me a card. In the past, my coworkers and I have actually taken up a collection and given either flowers, donation or food to the bereaved person and their family. I have on many occasions been the one to buy the flower, card and food and take it to the family.

Imagine my shock to find not even receive a card. I received cards from other workers in my agency, but nothing from my boss or my department. What do you think?

It sounds like your new manager hasn’t been there long enough to know what’s been done in the past, so I wouldn’t read it as a deliberate break from what’s been done from others. If she herself had done one thing for others and a different thing for you, I could see feeling a little slighted — although even then, that kind of thing is almost always accidental, not anything intentional, and you’re usually better off not getting too bothered by it for that reason.

How does she treat you otherwise? Has she been kind and treated you well? Is she a decent manager? That’s what I’d focus on. (And I’m sorry for your loss!)

3. I’ve been told a new position is being created for me — for eight months

I had a great performance review in February at my current company, where I’ve worked for a little over two years now. At that review, we discussed how my workload and responsibilities have increased or changed drastically and we needed a new position created for me to move in to. I’m already in a small team, but it’s a big company where everyone has funky titles so HR didn’t have a position to promote me up to and wanted a new job and discription.

Since February, my boss has asked me to do the legwork to write the description to fit a salary grade but keeps sending me back edits each time. It has been eight months of this and I’m not sure how to press the issue without pushing limits. She keeps saying how this needs to happen and they don’t want to lose me. I just keep thinking that each day I’m missing out on thousands in income and recognition that I should have had by now. Our HR partner is nice but not helping either. Help!

Eight months of this? That’s excessive. Go to your boss and say this: “It’s been eight months since we originally talked about this. I’m not sure what else I should be doing to make this job description work. Soon it’s going to be a full year since our original conversation and I’m feeling increasingly urgency about getting this settled. What specifically needs to happen for this to go through?”

But meanwhile, there’s no reason you shouldn’t be looking at roles outside your current company. It’s nice that they say they don’t want to lose you, but if they’re not exactly taking the actions that follow that conviction — so look out for yourself here.

4. I’m an unpaid intern and my organization is hiring a paid intern too

As a 2014 graduate not having a lot of luck finding a full-time job, I recently started an unpaid part-time internship in my field of interest. I’m really excited about the internship and I think it will be a strong addition to my resume, help me make connections, and be a great learning experience overall.

Here’s the catch: I just saw that the organization posted an identical listing for my position on a job site I frequent. The shock wasn’t that it was posted – they seem to be growing a lot and have already added several interns since I started three weeks ago – but I was shocked to see it was advertised as a paid position. Is it just me or is it really weird (borderline unethical) to have two sets of interns doing the exact same thing, but some of them are paid and some are not? Although I have another part-time paying position, I’m not exactly rolling in cash (I still live with my parents…who just started charging me rent). Is it appropriate for me to ask my boss about this/the possibility of me being a paid intern as well? And if so, how exactly should I go about it?

Note: this is a remote internship, so it would likely be over email.

Assuming that your internship meets the legal qualifications for unpaid internships*, I don’t know that I’d consider it unethical, at least not without knowing more details. After all, you were excited about your role earlier, so presumably felt your own arrangement was fair before this happened and had made the calculation that what you’re getting out of it is worth it to you.

And it’s possible that there are differences between your role and the paid one that aren’t clear from the posting (for instance, more hours, less desirable assignments, more difficult work, different department with a different budget, etc.)

That said, there’s no reason you can’t ask your manager about it. I’d say something like this: “I noticed that X Org is hiring for a paid version of my internship. Is that something that you’d consider me for? I wasn’t sure if there were differences between my internship and this new one, or whether you’re seeking different things in the paid position, but I’d love to learn more.”

* If your internship doesn’t meet the legal requirements for unpaid internships, that’s a different issue.

5. How do I write a “change of email” email?

I am in academia and I am a recent graduate school escapee! I am thrilled to be moving up to a postdoc fellowship at my dream school. I spent a lot of time in graduate school attending conferences, and unlike most students, I networked the hell out of those experiences with very influential professors and other great people. I have corresponded with many of them via email and they remember me well when we reconnect. I don’t want to lose all of my hard work now that I’ve changed schools and email addresses. How would you suggest I write an email informing colleagues that I have moved on to work with Professor X and that I wanted to let them know to stay in touch?

Pretty much just like that! Send a short email saying, “I wanted to let you know that that I’ve moved on to X school, where I’ll be working with Professor Y, doing Z. My new contact info is ____, and I’d love to stay in touch.”

Bonus points if you make each of these emails personal and include something else specifically customized to the person you’re writing to, but that’s not strictly necessary.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My nosy coworker keeps joining my conversations

My nosy coworker (“Nancy”) and I both joined the company at the same time and sit in neighboring cubicles at the office. There are walls to our cubicles, but the walls are short.

Whenever another coworker come up to my cube to chat about anything at all (work-related or not, like where they went for fun last night), Nancy overhears some or all of the conversation and pops up from her chair, turns around, and joins the conversaiton! Sometimes, when she presumably can’t hear all the words of a certain conversation, she will get up from her desk, turn around, and ask “What are you guys talking about?” and then joins in that way. AND, there have been times when I am having a conversation with a coworker (who works in our unit) that is away from my desk, and she will approach us and then just stand there, listening/joining in on the conversation! I want to tell her to mind her own business but of course, I can’t. Besides, the people who are speaking with me at the time of her interruption don’t appear to think she’s rude or appear to have a problem with this —- so perhaps I am being too sensitive and uptight? I know that one can interpret her behavior as “friendly,” but I think it is downright nosy and rude to interrupt others and to join conversations uninvited. I can’t directly confront her about this because I don’t want to make this into a “thing,” and there is no possibility of changing my seat.

She overhears and joins other people’s conversations too, not just mine.

Well, I don’t actually think you can keep her out of social conversations; if you’re having a social conversation in a reasonably public area (as opposed to an obviously private pow-wow in, say, an otherwise unused conference room), it would be rude to insist on excluding her if she wants to join in.

But certainly when it’s something work-related, it would be reasonable to signal that you hadn’t intended to involve her — such as by saying, “Oh, I’m talking to Jose about a work project — did you need one of us? I’ll be about five minutes.”

But beyond that, since you say that you’re not willing to address it with her directly, there aren’t really other options. If you change your mind about that at some point, that opens up other options … although I’d proceed with caution there unless you can point to a way in which the interruptions are causing problems (beyond just annoying you on principle), like making conversations less efficient than they’d otherwise be.

2. Should we welcome the new CEO before he starts?

Our long-time CEO is retiring, and a new replacement from outside the company has been hired to start in a couple of months. Is it appropriate for department heads and/or staff to send a card or email to welcome the new CEO before he starts?

Sure, that’s fine to do. Not necessary at all, but fine to do if you’re moved to.

3. I’ve been asked to re-interview for a job I was previously rejected for

I received a call from a recruiter to be re-interviewed for a position that I previously applied and interviewed for. The first time, after a phone interview and two in-person interviews, they hired someone else.

I don’t know how to approach this new interview. I don’t know why they are looking to fill the position again or why they didn’t chose me in the first place. I believe that on the third interview, I was not at my best, but I would like the job and I want to *wow* them. Any suggestions?

I wouldn’t worry too much about the why’s here — although it’s certainly reasonable to ask during the interview, “What caused the position to re-open?” You can assume that you did well enough before that they think there’s a reasonably good chance that you could be their person this time, or they wouldn’t be calling you back in. As with any interview, just prepare the crap out of it. You wow them by being a strong candidate and being able to point to a track record of success in the skills they need — so focus on being able to show that.

4. Letting an interviewer know when references will be out of town

I’m interviewing on Monday for a job that’s a bit of a long shot. From Wednesday through Friday, two of my references and I will all be out of town attending a conference. Should I mention this? I don’t want to sound presumptuous, but we’re all heavily involved in the conference – my boss and I are presenting and my other reference is basically in charge of the program so we’ll be unreachable a lot of the time.

It’s not presumptuous to give them information that might be useful to them. Toward the end of your interview, after asking about their timeline for next steps, say something like this: “By the way, two of my references and I will all be out of town a conference the last three days of this week, and it could potentially be hard to reach them during those days. Thought I’d give you a heads-up in case that impacts anything.”

5. Customizing a cover letter when you don’t know what company you’re applying to

One thing I would really love to see addressed in detail on your site is how to apply to jobs on Craigslist where, most of the time, the post doesn’t give any company information or contact names. You talk a lot about customizing the resume and cover letter, but that’s virtually impossible when you have no idea what company you’re applying to. Can you please give how-to tips for this specific topic?

Ah, but there’s no need for your customization to be specific to the particular company even when you know what it is. In most cases, the most effective customization comes from talking about why you’d be awesome at this particular JOB — the work itself. Assuming you have a job description, that’s what you should focus on.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My CEO wants us to wear pants with the company logo on the butt

Instead of printing company t-shirts, my CEO wants to be unique by making company pants — with the company logo displayed on the bum! I thought he was joking but he says he is 100% serious. As a woman with dignity and class, I am wholeheartedly against the idea. I don’t think I would even have to list my reasons. Still, I conducted a random poll among several women in the company just to be certain I’m not alone. Not surprisingly, they all protested vehemently. My CEO is travelling at the moment and will be away for the next few weeks, so my response to him would have to be via email. How do I tell him in unequivocal terms that this is a Very Bad Idea?

(For your reference, I am in my 20s and I am the operations manager. My CEO is also in his 20s.)

“Hey Bob, I think we need to reconsider this. I wouldn’t be comfortable wearing these and feel pretty strongly that it’s inappropriate, and a quick survey of other women on staff indicates that that sentiment is widespread. At a minimum, you’re going to get a lot of people unwilling to wear them, but beyond that I think we’d be making a lot of employees uncomfortable. Can we stick with shirts?”

Read an update to this letter here.

2. Talking to my boss about work travel when I need a second airplane seat

I never travel for my job and the last time I flew for personal reasons was 4 years ago. I am obese, I did not need to buy an extra seat then (not even a seatbelt extender, though it’s close) and I think I’m about the same size now. However, I’m big enough that I think it would be a very close thing and I may be challenged at check in.

Yesterday, my boss alerted me to a possibility of travel in a week and a half to see if I would be available. I have a coworker who wants to go and only 1 of us would be selected. My coworker has more experience with our primary job (20+ years compared to my 1 year) but I have experience (10+ years) in another function that would also be helpful. I think it would be a great experience, but I would also be fine with being left behind – I’m not uninterested by any means but I’m also not passionately eager to go. It is not a for sure thing, there may not be room in the budget to include either of us at all. If it pans out, how should I approach the prospect of possibly needing an extra seat on the airplane? I don’t want to leave it to chance – not only because it would be embarrassing at the gate but also if my going would incur extra expense then maybe my coworker could go instead. My boss is bigger than I am, so I imagine he would have taken an extra seat into consideration. Should I wait and see if I get the offer to go before asking or bring it up now since it may affect the financial consideration?

I think the fact that your boss is larger than you could make this (hopefully) easier to broach. I’d just be direct and matter of fact: “Hey, I’d be happy to go on this trip, but I wanted to mention that I’m close enough to the airplane seat size limits that I might need an extra seat. I wanted to give you a heads-up since I’m not sure if the budget would cover that. If this means it would make more sense to send Jane, who I know would really to go anyway, that’s totally fine with me.”

3. Calls that come in right before I’m going to lunch or leaving for the day

Sometimes I get a phone call right before lunch or when I’m getting ready to leave work for the day. Sometimes the phone calls are quick, but usually I end up having to stay on the phone for 10 or 15 minutes, and may need to spend more time processing whatever request the phone call was about. My lunch is unpaid, and I don’t get paid for working beyond my normal hours. I’m already expected to be at work 15 minutes before my starting time to get my computer/programs up and running, so all this unpaid work time is adding up and starting to bug me.

Is it reasonable to just ignore the phone if it rings right before lunch or when I’m shutting everything down to leave? If I can’t ignore the phone, what’s a good way to end the phone call as soon as it goes past my paid time? I’ve tried mentioning that my shift is ending or I’m going to lunch and could only talk for a minute, but this really doesn’t do anything to discourage people from keeping me on the phone and asking that I process something for them “because it’ll only take a minute.”

(Note: The phone calls aren’t emergencies. It’s stuff that someone could email me about or call about again the next day.)

I wouldn’t ignore a call just because it might eat into your lunch break; you’re better off just pushing your lunch break back by an equivalent amount. (In other words, if you intended to take lunch from 12-12:30 but a call keeps you on the phone until 12:10, then take lunch from 12:10-12:40 instead. It’s not unreasonable to let a call go to voicemail when it comes in right before you’re leaving for the day though. (And I suppose a reasonable person could argue the same about a pre-lunch call, but I think you have more flexibility with those.)

But regardless of how you decide how to handle this, assuming that you’re non-exempt (which it sounds like is the case), you need to report all the time you spend working, including time when you’re supposed to be at lunch or supposed to be gone for the day — and also including that extra 15 minutes when you arrive early in the morning. The law is very clear on this; you aren’t legally allowed to waive being paid for that time, and your employer is legally required to pay you for it.

4. Should I send a cease and desist letter if my former boss is giving me a bad reference?

I am concerned that my recent former boss may give me a bad reference. I am aware that there are third party service providers that will do a reference check for you. If the results show that the information is negative, I would try to work out something with my former manager. If that doesn’t work, I am aware that a cease and desist letter may be a final alternative. Is this a wise thing to do or will it cause me more problems that it is worth?

Well, it’s not illegal to give a bad reference unless it’s deliberately inaccurate. So a cease and desist letter only has weight if they’re lying about you. Your better bet is to try to work something out with your old boss directly.

5. What do I say when referring a friend for a job?

I would like to refer a friend of mine to an opening within a different department at my company. Is there a general way to handle this sort of thing, i.e., do I send an email to our HR person and let her know and attach his resume?

I checked in with my friend and he has already applied to the position and mentioned that I let him know about the opening.

Yep, email the HR person and the hiring manager (the person who will be the manager of the person being hired), attach the resume, let her know that he’s already applied, and explain why you think he’s worth taking a look at.

And of course, make sure that you really feel comfortable vouching for your friend — you don’t want to recommend someone whose work or work habits end up reflecting badly on you. If you’re not really sure about your friend’s work, state that explicitly — as in, “We’ve never worked together so I can’t vouch for his work, but I can tell you that he’s ___.” (Fill that in with whatever good things you can say about him, like that he’s smart, passionate about teapots, thoughtful, or whatever it is that makes you think he’d be a good fit.)

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. I’m on vacation and getting reports that one employee hit another

While I am on vacation, I received a call from one employee claiming that another employee had an argument with her that led to a physical assault. (Police were called.) The alleged assailant denies that she hit the other employee, but a witness says it was an assault.

Do I fire the aggressor now, wait until I am back from vacation (I am out of the country), or try to work it out? It is a very small office (4 employees) and the victim says she can’t work with the aggressor anymore. This is obviously a culmination of smaller interactions that I am unaware of.

One employee assaulting another is a big enough deal that ideally you’d do at least some preliminary investigation from where you are so that you can deal with it right away rather than waiting until you’re back. But if that’s not realistic, I’d put the alleged assailant on leave until you return and can investigate what actually happened.

2. My coworker emailed something crazy to our new boss and made it look like I was part of it

My organization of nine people is getting a new director. I am on a smaller team within the organization, consisting of only me and one other person. Since they have announced who the new director is, my coworker from my team took it upon himself to email the incoming new director and tell him to not listen to the associate director. I was copied on this email and also included in my coworker’s suggestion to meet with him, so I’m afraid it looks like we are both in on this message.

I do not feel that the email was professional, especially not the part complaining/warning the new director about the associate director. I do have concerns there, but this is not the way I would have addressed it.

What should I do? I’m hesitant to email the new director in a way because I feel it will add to the drama. I can sit back and hope he knows to not take this other person’s word as mine. However, I tend to be overly non-confrontational, so I am wondering if that is just the introvert in me talking and a more direct approach is needed.

What on earth is your coworker thinking?! Even if he’s right about the associate director, there’s no faster way to make himself look like the problem than sending an inappropriate message like this to someone who isn’t even his boss yet.

I do think it’s worth you clearing it up. Do it as calmly and concisely as possible, but I’d clearly state that you have nothing to do with it. For instance, in your shoes I might say, “Jane, please don’t take my inclusion on this message as indicating agreement. I’m not sure why I was included on it. Separately, I’m looking forward to working with you!”

Although ugh, even that feels like too much drama, so now I’m second-guessing myself. Maybe it’s better to wait until your new boss starts and clear it up then. Or even better, force your coworker to clear it up for you, since it’s his mess. I’d also have a word with that coworker and tell him not to drag you into things without your explicit consent.

Read an update to this letter here.

3. Is it normal to address people differently based on age?

Is it normal that, via email, I address people differently at work according to age? For instance, to a VP who’s 30 years older than I am, I’ll say, “Hi, Jessica.” But for someone in my age group, I’ll start with “Hey John.” I also tend to be more casual in emails to people in my age group. Is this normal, or something I should watch out for?

I don’t think “hey” versus “hi” is a big deal. If it’s coming out in bigger ways though (like first names versus last names or the overall feel of the way you talk to people), that’s worth paying attention to.

4. With at-will employment, can my employer ask me to commit for a year?

I work part-time as an instructor in an after-school program, and my boss told me that in order to for me to brought back as an instructor, I would need to guarantee her I would not leave any time throughout the year. I could have lied, but I also understood why she said that because of the challenges she faces with having to monitor so many students. I told her I could not guarantee it and took on the role of substitute instructor.

I want to know, though, if what she was asking me was actually legal, because I felt pressured into giving her an answer I wasn’t comfortable with. I am in California, and I know this is an at-will state, so my understanding is that she can’t guarantee me a job for the whole year any more than I can guarantee her I will be there. Am I right?

Nope. At-will employment just means that, absent a contract to the contrary, you can be let go from your job at any time for any reason (other than specifically illegal reasons, such as because of your race or religion) without notice and you can quit at any time without notice. But it doesn’t mean that your boss can’t promise you employment for a specific period of time, or extract such a promise from you. Either of you is free to make such promises to the other if you choose to do so.

5. Using a work printer for personal use

How much can we use our workplace printer for personal use?

Depends on the norms in your workplace. In most offices, printing a few pages for personal use isn’t a big deal, but printing something lengthy or intensely personal would be.