Ask a Manager

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My boss is trying to fix me up with his friend

My CEO approached me today and asked if I wanted to go on a date with one of his good friends. The friend is recently divorced with three small children and is a good 14 years older than me. It’s not so much the age difference or the children factor that I’m concerned about, but more so mixing pleasure with work. I’m not interested in going on the date. What should I do?

Just politely decline. “Thanks for thinking of me, but I’m not much into being fixed up.” Or, “Thanks for thinking of me, but it seems too fraught with the potential for problems if it didn’t work out.” Or even just, “Thanks for thinking of me, but no thank you.”

Also, managers: Don’t try to fix up employees with your friends. There’s no way to do it without (a) signaling that you’re assessing them as potential dates rather than employees (even if not for yourself) — ick, and (b) making people feel pressured to say yes because of the power disparity.

2. Should I say something when I see a contact offering to pay people for job leads?

I came across this in my LinkedIn newsfeed this morning and was wondering what you thought: “Offering $1000.00 reward for anyone who can place me in my next strategic appointment. I problem-solve across brand strategy, consumer marketing, B-B, and address internal transformation, client leadership and change initiatives. Email me directly [redacted].”

It reminds me of the guy who bought his wife a billboard to post her resume on and the one who bought a Google ad targeted at the exec he wanted to work for, but a little more…desperate. What would you do, if you saw one of your connections post this? Should I say something?

Ooooh, yeah, that doesn’t come across well at all.

But I wouldn’t say anything unless I was either particularly close to the person or had a mentor-type relationship with them. And if you do reach out, I think you’d have to couple it with offering some other type of help at the same time — for instance, saying something like, “Hey Jane, I saw your post. I’m a little worried that offering to pay for job leads will reflect poorly on you. I’d be glad to help in some other way though — tell me more about what you’ve tried so far and what you’re looking for.”

3. Should I warn a new employer about my credit problems?

I just recently accepted a new position at a dream nonprofit that I have been dying to work for. I just got my new hire paperwork on Friday, and I start training on Monday. Included in the paperwork is the background check form (which I knew about), except that it includes a credit check, which they never mentioned in all of my correspondence with them.

6 years ago, I was a victim of identity theft that I didn’t discover until well after it happened (it was an emergency credit card that I used exactly once and then stored away). The bank told me I was past the deadline for disputing the charges, and so I was responsible for them. Unfortunately, I have been very underemployed for the majority of the time since; I did start paying it down when I had a job where I could afford to do so, but since went back to being underemployed. I am terrified that they will withdraw my candidacy based on the credit check, when I have already quit my current job and told everyone I would be working for them.

The VP of HR has been extremely nice every time we’ve spoken, and I was wondering if it would be appropriate to disclose the situation to her when I give her the paperwork. Once I have this job, I should be able to get my credit back to where it should be, but I haven’t been able to sleep since I found out about the credit check. Is it okay to tell her all of this? I’m worried sick over it.

First, they may not even be running a credit check on you. Some background paperwork includes credit checks in the list of things they may check, but it doesn’t mean that they will. And unless this is a finance position or one where you’ll have access to significant amounts of money, I’d be really surprised if they’ll do one.

That said, let’s get you some peace of mind. It’s totally reasonable to email your contact there and say, “I noticed that the background check form mentioned a credit check, so I wanted to give you a heads-up that I had an identity theft situation a while ago that I’m still dealing with, and it’s still an issue on my credit report. Will that pose any problems?” You’re very likely to hear that it won’t — but reach out and have the conversation so that you’re not stressing about it.

4. Salary negotiations when you’re currently receiving meals and lodging

Working for a major cruise line, I have to live where I work for several months at a time (on the ship). As a result, meals and lodging are provided. When I go to find a new job (hopefully in the next year or so), how do I address this, or justify a huge pay gap from this job to compensate for not having to pay rent or for some of my food?

“My current job provides meals and lodging on top of salary, as well as other benefits from living on a cruise ship, so it’s comparing apples to oranges. I’m seeking a salary in range of $X, which I think is fair and in line with the market rate for this work.” (Of course, this requires you to do research into what to ask for, but you should do that anyway.)

5. What does it mean when an application period is extended?

I recently applied for a position and a week later received an email stating that the application period had been extended. Does this mean the company is not interested in my candidacy?

Nope, it means they’ve extended the application period. They might have done that because they didn’t think they had enough strong applications, or because the person doing the screening is away and so they might as well build in more time, or because they have other priorities to deal with first, or because they mistakenly made it too short to begin with, or all sorts of other things. There’s no way for you to know from the outside — and it also doesn’t matter, since you should be mentally moving on anyway (as the odds of being interviewed, let alone hired, for any one job you apply to are pretty low).

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My top performer constantly texts and surfs the web

As a relatively new manager working in state government, I am having an issue with a direct report that I am really unsure how to address.

Let me preface this by saying this person is, hands down, the top performer in my group. The problem is that she is nearly constantly texting, sending and receiving personal emails (both from her work account and her personal account), surfing (both on her phone and her laptop), etc. I know you tend to reject the generational stereotypes, but I really think she is just part of the generation that grew up with constant access to technology and this is how she operates. Work a few minutes, check Facebook, make a comment or two, back to work. I don’t personally understand how she ever gets anything done, but she does.

We do of course have a policy addressing use personal technology and cell phone use during work hours. And athough she is the most productive person I have, I find it distracting, annoying, and disrespectful. Recently during a webinar she sat and surfed around on her phone during the entire time. Afterward, we discussed some of the topics covered, and she was obviously paying attention. However, she was the only person in the room behaving this way. We were in a group with several other professionals from other states, and at least one person raised their eyebrows.

I guess I would have an easier time addressing this if she weren’t such a high producer. For a variety of reasons (our heavy travel assignments, 10+ hour work days, working in a different time zone than where our loved ones are at home), I don’t think it’s necessary or even appropriate to be a crazy tyrant about enforcing 100% adherence to the technology policy, which doesn’t even throughly ban it (says simply that personal use of technology should be limited to break periods whenever possible).

Well, since she’s your top performer, I wouldn’t address it from a productivity angle. Instead, I’d focus on the impact it is having: it’s distracting other people and coming across as disrespectful. I’d say something like this: “Jane, I’ve noticed that you’re on your phone and social media and surfing the web a lot during work. Frankly, your work is excellent, so I’m going to defer to you to manage your use of these things on your own. However, I do want you to stay away from those activities during meetings, webinars, and other situations where your attention should be on other people. It comes across to other people that you’re not fully engaged or respecting the time they’re spending with you. It can also distract other people from the meeting.”

In other words, focus clearly on the pieces of this that are demonstrably problematic for other people, without getting into whether it’s impacting her own ability to focus.

For what it’s worth, I do believe this type of thing impacts people’s productivity. So if she’s exceeding your performance expectations anyway, it’s worth thinking about whether that indicates that your expectations for your team are too low across the board.

2. Should I let this coworker be on a hiring committee with me?

I have recently taken a new job as a program coordinator. This is a new position for my agency. In the past, each of our 3 offices (in different geographic areas) had a lower level position that was managed by each of the office managers.

The program has now been separated out and is expected to be manged by me. The challenge is, two of the office managers are thrilled to have this taken off their plate, but one office manager is not happy at all that she is no longer in control of this in her area. My position on this is that it will just take some time for me to build trust with her, showing that I can effectively manage the program in her area. However, I am in an immediate dilemma because soon I will be interviewing and hiring the lower level local position for her office. It is up to me to form the interview committee for this, and she has asked to be on it. I am very concerned that if she is part of the interview and selection process, it would be very confusing to the new hire as to who their boss is (particularly when she has made it clear that she is unhappy that she is no longer in control of this position).

But, I also fear that if I turn down her request and upset her, that could have some very negative consequences. Her office is in a small community and she has a great deal of pull not only as the office manager in our organization, but also within the community. Our work is very community orientated and my life could be made very difficult if she undermines my position. I want to do the best I can to stay on her good side, and earn her trust and the community’s trust. However, if she is set on throwing me under the bus no matter what, maybe working around her instead of through her is a better option. (I am young, and while I have managed staff before I have never hired them, so any advice is greatly appreciated!)

It’s not crazy to let her be part of the hiring process, and she probably has worthwhile input to give. The key is going to be you making it very clear to your new hire what the reporting relationship is, and setting up clear boundaries with the office manager. She can try to influence that person all she wants, but if you’re being hands-on in managing that person, you’ll be able to mitigate that impact.

In other words, the most important factor here is you doing your job of managing the new hire really well (including clearly setting up expectations up-front about how your relationship with her and how she should relate to that office manager, and probing periodically to make sure that the office manager isn’t causing problems). If you get that down, the office manager is going to be pretty limited in any negative impact she can have.

3. Can I ask during the interview process if a company drug tests?

I’m a daily cannabis user, about to start a job search. For most of my career, I’ve worked for small companies who didn’t drug test. I don’t think it’s necessarily common in my industry to test for drug use, but some of the larger companies might do it as a matter of course (I’m definitely not in a creative field or anything like that). For right now, random drug testing would be a dealbreaker for me, though I might be able to deal with an initial drug test at hire, if I really liked the position.

At what point can I find out about whether or not drug testing is part of the package? Is this something that’s usually disclosed in job listings? I don’t want to out myself as a smoker unnecessarily, but I also don’t want to waste a lot of time (mine and the potential employer’s) going through a process out of which I’d eventually bow.

I do realize that I may change my mind about the issue if my job search takes a lot longer than I’m hoping it will, but for now, this is how I’d like to go about it. I’m not in Colorado or Washington, where marijuana is now sold legally. (Technically medical marijuana is permitted in my state, but it’s one of the most restrictive programs in the country and implementation is not going well.)

There’s no way to ask about it without it reflecting badly on you. Even I — someone who strongly supports your right to do whatever you want in the privacy of your own home and has worked professionally to end marijuana prohibition — would look askance at someone who asked about drug testing during the hiring process; there’s just too much cultural baggage associated with the question.

I know it sucks to have to go through an entire hiring process without knowing if it’s all going to be for naught; chalk it up to one more lame effect of our drug laws, but there’s no practical way around it.

4. Should I be honest about why I didn’t attend my boss’s goodbye lunch?

My boss is giving a Saturday potluck luncheon to say thank you to her employees before she retires in a month. The luncheon is at her house, and most employees live 15-20 minutes away. Two of us work in a satellite office with a roundtrip drive of four hours. Driving to the lunch, attending it, then driving back home will take more time than I am willing to sacrifice for my day off. Should I be honest about how I feel when my boss asks me why I wasn’t there?

“Attending your potluck would require more time than I want to sacrifice on my day off” is honest but unnecessarily harsh. Why not just say that you wish you could have been there but you had a prior commitment that conflicted with it? It’s fine if that prior commitment is actually “sitting on my couch watching Sister Wives” (although you shouldn’t specify that).

5. How to respond to critical feedback after a job rejection

I got rejected for a job I really wanted, so I emailed the interviewer to ask for feedback. I was fortunate enough to receive a response, but I’m unsure how to respond to the criticism I received. Truth be told, it kind of hurt to read it, probably because it was completely accurate. Would a simple “Thank you for taking the time to provide feedback” or something along those lines be sufficient? I don’t want to come off as sounding hurt by the criticism, but I also don’t want to make the response too generic, in the hope that maybe they’ll still consider me for future positions. I’d appreciate any advice on how to respond to an interviewer who took the time to provide me with honest feedback.

“Thank you for taking the time to provide feedback” actually sounds borderline curt in this context. Instead, I’d go with something like, “Thanks so much for taking the time to share this with me. I’ll definitely be thinking about what I can do to address it in the future and really appreciate your being candid with me.”

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My new job wants me to travel for a month at a time

One month ago, I was hired by an organization that covers several states to work in a particular city. It is my first job out of grad school. My job description says my job would include some travel in the areas surrounding my city. I was also told I may have to travel to events in my state. Now my boss is asking me to travel to another state for four weeks to work on a project. I was not told when I took the job that I would be expected to travel that long and that far away. I don’t have kids, but I have pets and a partner that I don’t want to leave for that amount of time.

I like my new job and I don’t want to quit, but I really feel like this was an expectation that should have been made clear before I took the job. I would not have accepted knowing I would be expected to travel for so long. Any advice? (And because of the nature of the work, I would need to go to the other location to do the work their asking. I can’t be a part of that project from my location.)

Figure out if it’s a deal-breaker for you and what might make it acceptable to you. (For instance, would you being willing to do it if it you knew it was the only time you’d need to? Would you leave the job before agreeing to do it?)

Then talk to your boss. Say something like this, “Because of family commitments here, it would be difficult for me to be away for a whole four weeks. I was prepared for travel, but hadn’t realized I’d need to do trips this long. Is there any flexibility on the amount of time I’d be away? And is this something I should expect might come up again going forward?”

2. My colleague’s religion requires him to wash his feet in our bathroom sink

I work at the corporate headquarters of a large multinational company. The other day, I saw a colleague standing washing his foot in the common men’s room sink. To me, this is unsanitary. I asked if he thought this was appropriate. I acknowledge the poor word choice. He responded yes, because washing his feet is required before prayer. To my colleague, this is a religious necessity. What is the best solution that respects his religious needs and my hygienic ones? Other large multinationals must have encountered this situation and found a mutually respectful balance.

Perhaps I’m a particularly unhygienic person, but I don’t think that washing his feet in the bathroom sink is a major hygiene offense. I mean, unless he’s rubbing his feet against the faucet, is it really that different from people fresh out of a bathroom stall washing their hands in that same sink? And then throw in the fact that his religion requires him to wash at that moment and he presumably doesn’t have another place he can do that, and I’d say it’s not something to make a fuss over.

3. HR won’t let us hold people accountable for performance

I just read your column about accountability and got aggravated because one of my long-standing frustrations as a manager at the large, government affiliated nonprofit where I work has been a lack of commitment to accountability. In my department, I try and, I think, mostly succeed at following your advice about talking explicitly about expectations, giving feedback, etc. – but then I come up against a lack of ability to ensure that actions have consequences – good or bad – at the institutional level.

For example, every employee is evaluated using the same performance appraisal template, which asks questions like whether the person is “courteous,” then spits out a score. If you have a score of at least 60 out of 100, you keep truckin’ along. The problem is that everyone on my staff is responsible for making 25 teapots a year. If someone shows up sober most of the time and doesn’t swear at anyone, but they only make 21 teapots, my hands are tied. On the other end of the spectrum, everyone gets the same salary increase, so those people making 42 teapots don’t see any tangible reward for going above and beyond.

So I was excited when we got new leadership this year that requested a plan for providing rewards and consequences for meeting or failing to meet the 25 teapot goal. I’m happy with the plan I developed and it was endorsed by our leadership. Then it went to HR and fell into a black hole. For months, I have been following up and told they were reviewing the plan and would get back to me. Finally, I ambushed the person I’ve been trying to talk to and she told me that the problem they’re hung up on is the consequences for failing to reach goals. Essentially, if someone fails to meet the 25 teapot goal (and this is after I have met with everyone regularly throughout the year about their progress and provided them with as much guidance and support as I’m able), I want to give them six months to improve their performance or be let go. HR asserts that the proposal “changes the terms of employment.” I don’ t understand this because the job is “teapot maker” and the job description explicitly states they’re responsible for making 25 teapots a year.

Instead of just tearing my hair out, though, I want to try to move this thing forward. I see a glimmer of opportunity because the HR director hasn’t outright told me it’s impossible. I’d rather the next step not be whining to the boss – in part because HR doesn’t seem very impressed that our top leadership wants this to happen. How do I proceed?

Your HR department sucks, and your organization’s management sucks for allowing HR to suck (although it sounds like that might be changing with your new leadership). And really — “changes the terms of employment”? Have these HR people ever held a job outside this organization and seen that, in fact, you can indeed hold people to performance standards?

I’d talk to your new leadership directly if you can — the ones who want this to change. Tell them you’re having trouble getting HR to move forward with it, say you feel hamstrung in taking action on low performers, and ask for advice in getting HR to move on it.

Read an update to this letter here.

4. My manager seems irritated when I ask him questions

I started a new position a couple of months ago. My new company is very large (with several offices throughout the U.S.) and in a complicated, highly regulatory industry. The corporate structure is also complicated and fluid, with people frequently changing job roles and responsibilities. I often need to interact with others in the company to get my job done, but it is often unclear who I should be contacting. My manager has stated repeatedly that I should ask him whenever I have questions. Due to travel schedules, most of our interactions are through emails or phone calls. I do not have a problem with asking questions, but try to do so only when needed. Being new to the company and the industry, I have had to ask my manager several questions over the past couple of months.

However, I get the sense (based on curtness, tone of voice, and at times pretty clear exasperation) that my manager gets frustrated and irritated when I ask questions. He is very busy, with a lot on his plate, but I need answers to my questions to be able to get my job done. Also, when I receive assignments from him, he phrases the request in a cryptic manner with very little details. So, then I need to ask follow up with questions about the details about the project. For example, who should I engage to help me with x, what do you mean by y (when there are no details or explanation given), etc. I appreciate any advice about how to deal with this situation as I am afraid that my supervisor’s irritation is becoming a problem.

Ask him about it. For instance: “Is there a different way you’d like me to handle it when I have this sort of question? Is it easier for you if I save questions up and ask them all at one time, or is there someone else you’d like me to check with on some of this?” And if you’re comfortable, you might even say, “I’m getting the sense that I might be asking more questions that you have time to field. Is there a different approach you’d like me to be taking?”

5. Should I add a P.S. to the end of my cover letter?

I have been seeing all this stuff on adding a P.S. to the end of a cover letter. Would you recommend doing it?

Nope. It’s gimmicky. P.S.’s make sense when you’re writing by hand and realize you have something more to say. When you’re writing a business letter, they make no sense — they come across as salesy and gimmicky. If you’re relying on gimmicks, it means the content of your letter isn’t strong enough to stand on its own. Focus on the letter itself.