Ask a Manager

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Withdrawing a job offer when the candidate doesn’t communicate

I made a job offer to a candidate on September 3, and she called me back on the 5th to request a couple more days to make her decision since she had additional interviews the following week. At the time, I explained that we would be continuing the interviewing process as we waited for her response. It’s now been 10 days since she asked for more time and I haven’t heard from the candidate.

In the meantime, I have found a candidate who is both enthusiastic and well qualified. Am I obligated to call the first candidate and let her know we’re making an offer to somebody else? I feel like 10 days without an update from her makes it clear she’s not interested in the job.

Was it left as her needing “a couple more days” or was it ultimately left more open-ended than that? If she said “a couple more days” and it’s now been 10 days, she hasn’t handled this well. But if the latter… well, if the latter, ideally you would have nailed down a timeframe rather than leaving it open-ended, but if it was left open-ended, I do think you owe her a call now.

Generally, I don’t think you should revoke a job offer just because someone better came along; candidates are depending on your word (and possibly turning down other offers or quitting a current job), and doing revoking it will make all your future offers suspect to candidates who hear about it. But in this case, you were explicit with her that you intended to continue interviewing other candidates, so she was sort of on notice that this could happen. Given that, it’s not outrageous to call her and say, “We haven’t heard from you and know you weren’t sure you wanted to accept, and in the meantime we’ve found a candidate who we think is a great fit and who really wants the job, so we’ve decided to go with her.” But I do think you need to notify her, since otherwise you risk her turning down other offers, thinking that yours still stands.

2. Giving gifts to my team when one person can’t accept gifts

I am the new (since January) manager of the reference department in a small academic library. I have been here for three years, but previously reported to the position I hold now. Besides myself, my department has four other employees. Traditionally the library dean makes a Christmas (“end of semester”) lunch for the staff or takes us out to a restaurant. Additionally, each department head traditionally takes their department out for lunch. Since I have been here, every department has gone out to a rather expensive local restaurant and so going to that particular restaurant has become expected.

I do want to show my gratitude to my team for all their hard work this year, but I have always disliked the departmental lunches for a variety of reasons. Since I am new, I want to try to create a new tradition. Instead of lunching at a restaurant, I really want to make homemade gifts for each staff member (like a custom crocheted item). I know of departments head on campus that make homemade gifts for their departments, so this is not completely counter-cultural.

However, one member of my team is prohibited by her religion from giving or accepting gifts (restaurant meals are okay). I do not want to exclude her, nor to cause any kind of trouble regarding discriminating against her religion, but I really would rather create thoughtful thank-you gifts for my staff instead of just-another awkward lunch out. The only thing that I can think of is to ask her if I can make a donation in her name to a charity since she could not accept a gift from me.

I’d talk to her and tell her the options you’re considering and see what she says.

For what it’s worth, though, while I do know this kind of thing can vary by culture, I’d steer you away from homemade gifts (other than food). I’m interested to know what others think about this, but to me crocheting something feels like a fairly intimate gift, as well as one that comes with a high risk of being unappreciated (unless you really know people’s tastes).

Read an update to this letter here.

3. How can I best make use of my boss’s connection to a job I’m interviewing for?

I have a job interview coming up for a position I’m really, really excited about. My manager knows the person hiring for the job really well and has already mentioned I am great and those sorts of words in her direction. I’d be moving from one type of service to a totally diferent one, but there’s lots of transferrable skills and I know the manager recruiting came from a similar background. The person who has just left the post also did not have a typical background. What can I do to make most effective use of this connection?

So far, I haven’t asked/said anything to my (very supportive and basically dream) manager beyond that I’ve applied and would love the job. She’s asked how my interview prep is going and I’ve said okay – but she’s willing to help me out in any way she can. I know my weakest area is managerial experience so I’m trying to think up as many managerial skills examples as I can. But is there anything I should be doing to take advantage of this quite handy connection?

The best thing she can do is rave about you to the hiring manager. Her recommendation is likely to carry a lot of weight, so that’s where I’d focus her, to the extent that you can.

4. Handling an unenforceable non-compete agreement

My current company had me sign a noncompete when I began work with them. I’ve since realized that it’s so restrictive that leaving the company and complying with the noncompete basically means leaving either my city or industry! I’ve spoken with an attorney who says that under the laws of my state, what they had me sign is far too restrictive and almost entirely unenforceable. He suggested I not directly solicit customers I work with day-to-day (which I wouldn’t do) but said they could not enforce against customers I have had zero contact with.

So that being said, I’m going ahead with my job hunt. But I’m worried about how I tell a potential employer that the noncompete could be an issue. I’m willing to take on my company in mediation or court if that’s what it takes (I’m really,really comfortable that they can’t enforce it) but how do I tell a potential employer about this? When do I bring it up? What do I tell them? I’m worried that at an interview is too soon and potentially offputting (why hire an employee with potential “problems”) but I also worry that at offer or negotiation is too late. Help!

If your company has a history of trying to enforce that agreement or you otherwise think they’re likely to, I’d work with your lawyer to take care of it now — alerting your old company that you’re considering it not to be in effect and why. If you handle it preemptively, hopefully you won’t need to mention it to prospective new employers at all.

5. AAM questions

I find the range of questions you receive and answer fascinating. My question: Are there any types of questions you dislike and are less likely to answer here?

I try to stay away from questions that have been asked answered here many times before, although often there’s an interesting new twist that makes me glad to tackle it again. I also stay away from really lengthy questions (I have a suggested word limit on the Ask a Question page, but not everyone heeds that warning), as well as highly technical or legalistic stuff — at some point, those really require a lawyer who can get into all the details of the situation.

And if a question is being asked by a third party, it can make me less likely to answer (like a parent asking a question about a work situation that happened to their kid, which is a common one I get a lot). I figure the third party is a lot less likely to have all the details, and I don’t want to put a ton of time into answering something that’s more likely to have key details missing (or where the third party isn’t really in a position to do anything with the advice). That’s not a hard and fast rule; I’ve certainly answered plenty of third party questions before. But it can sometimes lower the chances that I’ll tackle it.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Coworker hogs the coffee supplies that we all bring in

We have a small laboratory that runs 24/7. We are all pretty close and have set up our break room with a nice coffee maker, but we rely on all staff to supply the coffee and creamer to keep things going. Some bring the coffee grounds and others the cream.

The problem we are having is that one coworker comes in and uses about 3 ounces of cream in her 6-ounce cup of coffee and then drinks many cups throughout her 8-hour shift. I thought about putting up a clever reminder that those who drink coffee should also supply something to keep our happy lab happy. She knows that it’s all by employee contribution. I don’t want to single her out, but some are talking about hiding their supplies away so she can’t use them. If that’s the next step, we won’t have our cute, homey ambiance that we love about our break room. She’s not exactly the friendliest person to approach. I hope you can help us come up with a way to sort of lay down the law without making her feel singled out or leave her defensive.

I think you’re better off just being straightforward with her, rather than trying to come up with clever wording or dancing around it. I’d say something like this: “Hey Jane, can we get you into our rotation for replenishing the cream? We’ve been taking turns stocking everything. Could you take Mondays?” Or if the issue is that she’s already part of the rotation but just bringing in far less than she’s using up, then say this: “Hey Jane, it looks like you’re going through the cream really quickly. Can you grab some extras to bring in?”

If she bristles, then you ignore the bristling and just say, “Yeah, we go through a lot and want to make sure it’s evenly distributed among the people using it. Thanks.”

2. Should I approve this sick day?

I’m a new manager (one month in) of a team of 11. One of my employees has just requested a sick day in advance, and she listed a doctor’s appointment as the reason. Should I approve this? It seems obvious to me that she’s not going to spend the whole day at a doctor’s appointment. I believe she is really taking a vacation day but counting it as a sick day. I can’t decide whether to question her about this or let it go and hit approve. Thoughts?

Some medical appointments do take the better part of a day. It’s not really your place to question her about private medical issues, and doing so can cause all sorts of problems (including pissing off good employees who will rightly feel that you’re violating their privacy). If she has the PTO time, you shouldn’t question it.

As a new manager, it can be hard in the beginning to sort out how to handle this stuff; yes, you’re supposed to enforce whatever rules your organization has but don’t lose sight of the fact that a much bigger part of your responsibility is to create a high-performing team and a culture that high performers will want to work in. You want to focus on the big picture: Are people performing at a high level? That’s what matters.

3. People have just learned that I’m dating a coworker

I’m a recent graduate, and I’m one and a half months into a three-month internship at a newspaper that my boyfriend works at. I’d met the intern coordinator once socially prior to all this, so she knew about our relationship. She mentioned it briefly in the interview and clearly didn’t have a problem with it. Our roles never intersect at any point and we’re in completely different departments.

It’s now all over the office that we’re dating. I don’t really have a huge problem with it because I’ve had the chance to establish myself and I’ve been doing a pretty good job. But now I need a good way to handle myself when I go back to the office. It’s small and casual but a lot of the people there are very, very prominent in my industry. I do not need a bad reputation here! I’m hoping for a couple of good phrases to a) acknowledge this whole deal and b) deflect inquiries.

I don’t like talking about my personal life at work at the best of times, let alone with my boyfriend across the room. I don’t think people will actually be mad or vicious or even care a huge amount, but juicy gossip is juicy gossip and there’s a definite chance of light-to-moderate teasing. Am I freaking out over nothing? Did I screw up by putting myself in this position? I work with professional gossips; how do I deal with humour and grace?

Yeah, you’re probably freaking out more than is necessary. You’ll get some questions, you’ll answer them lightly (“yeah, we’ve been dating for a while, but I haven’t wanted to make it A Thing at work”), and people will move on. Truly.

And keep in mind that people will usually take their cues from you on stuff like this. If you signal that it’s no big deal, people are more likely to respond that way.

4. My manager isn’t returning my calls about missing work

I am in a very stressful situation at work, and on Friday it all came to a head. I tried to ring my line manager several times, but got no reply; she did not answer her phone. So I left her a voicemail informing her that I would not be in on Monday as it was too much. She did not ring me back. Even when I tried to ring her again later in the day, still no reply. I am going to ring her again in the morning to tell her again I will not be coming in, and that I am going to the doctor, as the whole work situation has made me feel ill. Surely she should at least respond to the voicemail I left or acknowledge the fact that I rung her at least 10 times?

Sure. But she hasn’t, so you need to make sure that you’re keeping her in the loop about what you’re doing.

For what it’s worth, saying that you’re not coming in because work is too stressful generally isn’t a good idea. It’s possible that she’s not bothering to respond because she’s annoyed that you’re adding to whatever drama is already happening and figures that she’l talk to you whenever you reappear.

5. My boss told me my coworker was getting fired — before my coworker knew

I just received a call from my boss telling me that they were terminating a colleague of mine. I reached out to my colleague to give my condolences, only to find out he had not been notified by my boss or HR yet. Is this even legal from an employee rights perspective?

Your boss made a major error by not letting you know that your colleague didn’t know yet, but there’s nothing illegal about sharing that info with you or other coworkers.