Ask a Manager

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Should I resign without notice since I’m making so many mistakes?

I’ve recently started my first full-time job and have been working there for approximately three months. Two months in, my responsibilities piled up (disperate and having little real relation to my education in accountancy) and I started making mistakes. These continued to snowball, presumably because of the malaise that kicked in because of the stress and frustration. It has gotten to the point where I now associate work with failure and embarrassment.

My immediate supervisors have not caught onto these mistakes (or only have a small inkling), and I was hoping to resign (without notice) to prempt the awkward termination talk and the conniption fit my boss will have. I’m sure the company is better off without me. The only reason I’m even considering this is the short term of employment and already murky conditions of my departure would preclude me getting any positive recommendations from this place of employ even under ideal conditions. In this case, would resigning without notice be the ideal choice? Or at least, not as damaging to the company in most situations?

Don’t resign without notice. That will make a bad situation worse. You might think you won’t be using them as a reference anyway, but you never know when someone from there will pop up somewhere else you’d like to work in the future. Moreover, it’s just not a mature, professional thing to do.

Talk to your boss, explain the situation, say that you think you should resign if you’re really set on that, and offer two weeks of notice.

2. My company says managers can’t be Facebook friends with employees

Can a company tell you who you can and cannot be friends with on Facebook? My company recently adopted a policy that states that a supervisor cannot be friends on Facebook with someone who is not in a supervisory position. I was recently promoted and was told I would have to de-friend all of my former coworkers. Some of these people I have been friends with for years. Some are people I happen to work with – but have been friends with for years outside of work – long before I began working for this company. As long as I am not posting about work, do they have a right to interfere with social networking? As a side note, there is no policy regarding going out socially with people who are on different levels within the company and you are allowed to be connected through LinkedIn.

It’s legal.

A small number states, including New York and California, explicitly ban employers from mucking about in your private, lawful off-the-clock activities. But companies are absolutely allowed to make rules regarding relationships between managers and employees, and often have good reason to do so (bias, appearance of bias, conflict of interest, sexual harassment, and all sort of other complications that can arise from blurred boundaries between managers and employees).

While it feels like an annoying overreach when your company could instead hire managers who it trusted to use good judgment, it’s actually wouldn’t be a terrible thing to de-Facebook people you’re now going to be managing. You don’t need to see their bar photos from the night before they called in sick, hear them vent about work, or otherwise be exposed to the myriad ways Facebook can make this dynamic weird.

3. Hiring someone who doesn’t meet all the posted requirements

I just started a graduate program, and while my career services office seems well-intentioned, there have been a few situations where they’ve spread misinformation, like saying that asking about age or marital status is illegal (obviously ill-advised to ask, and discrimination is illegal, but they stated that asking at all was illegal). Recently my advisor told me that hiring someone who didn’t have a PhD was illegal if the job was advertised as requiring a PhD. This doesn’t sound right, and I can’t get a definitive answer on the internet. What say you?

No, that’s not illegal. There’s no law that binds you to the qualifications you list in a job ad. (It would be ridiculous if there were such a law — employers adjust job requirements on the fly all the time as they talk to candidates, the needs of the role evolve, and/or they find someone who’s great in ways slightly different from what they anticipated when writing the ad, and it would be craziness if they were prevented from doing that.)

I suspect the source of your advisor’s misinformation is this: If an employer appears to have a pattern of discriminating against candidates based on race, sex, religion, etc., and you’re able to show that they regularly lowered the job requirements for Race X but not for Race Y, you could potentially use that as part of your pattern of evidence. But outside of that context, there’s nothing at all wrong with hiring someone who doesn’t meet all the job posting’s requirements, and there’s certainly no law whatsoever against it.

At what point do we get to revoke college faculty and staff’s right to talk about career stuff, since they so often get it wrong?

4. How far out can I push the start date for my new job?

If I am moving across country for a job, how long can I ask the new employer for in time before starting? I know the typical timeline is two weeks but I’m wondering if it’s reasonable to ask for more time if I’m moving from Chicago to San Francisco, for example.

Sure. The amount of time they’ll give you will be vary by employer, the role, and how urgently they need someone to start, but it’s not uncommon or unreasonable to ask to set a start date for a month out. If they can’t do that, they’ll tell you — but it’s totally reasonable to ask.

5. Should I call to see what’s up with this job?

Last Wednesday, I had a second interview (in person) for a position. It followed a telephone interview a week earlier and went really well.

When I inquired about the timeline for a decision during the second interview, I was told that they would know by the end of the following week because they want the position to start during the week of September 8. I sent thank you notes (by mail) to both managers on Friday and haven’t yet received word back.

I would think that they would have told me earlier than Thursday or Friday of the week before, if they expected me to start next week. I also realize that one or both managers could have taken a few days off for Labor Day. Should I call today or tomorrow?

No. If they want to hire you, they’re not going to forget to tell you.

Hiring timelines are notorious for being pushed back from whatever they’re originally envisioned as. Wait two full weeks from your interview before following up (and then do it by email, not phone; phone is a bigger interruption). Other than that, put it out of your mind, or even pretend you didn’t get it and move on; you will be happier that way.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My manager’s daughter’s wedding will separate men and women

I am a physician at a small office. I am the only female physician, and our support staff consists of both men and women. The owner of the practice is a religious man whose religious beliefs require him to completely separate seating at weddings (separate at the ceremony, separate for dinner and dancing with a partition down the middle of the room). When his daughter got married, he invited the entire practice, and all of the male physicians and male support staff sat together at one table, while I was assigned to sit with the female support staff and the wives of the physicians. It felt like my actual colleagues had the chance to hang out and bond, while I entertained their wives and chatted with our support staff (who are lovely, but they aren’t exactly my colleagues).

His other daughter just got engaged, and he invited the entire office to the wedding. I appreciate that the office has such a collegial feel that he invites us to family events, but I am dreading sitting at the wives and support staff table again while my colleagues who I work with on a day to day basis all sit together and bond. It was especially awkward that the male support staff got to sit with my colleagues while I didn’t.

Is it proper etiquette to decline to attend? I am the most junior doctor in the office, and don’t want to insult him, nor do I think it is reasonable that he create a table for men and women to sit together if that is religiously or culturally inappropriate at these events. I have a lot of respect for my boss, but this is just awkward. Any advice on how to handle this?

It’s totally reasonable to decline to attend — for any reason, really, but this one is certainly a good one. Etiquette does not require you to attend the weddings of people you’re not close to, and it definitely doesn’t require you to suck it up and deal with sex segregation when you could instead politely decline to attend.

Of course, as with declining any other social event that you’d just rather not attend, there’s no need to explain that; it’s fine to simply say that you have another commitment that day and to give him your best wishes for his daughter’s marriage.

2. My company asked me to write a review on Glassdoor

I have worked at my current employer for fewer than six months. A couple of weeks after I received an award (whoop whoop!), a senior executive approached me personally to review my employer on Glassdoor. 

My manager and director know some of the stumbling blocks in recruitment, and those are imposed from the top (compensation and time-off packages). I personally am happy here so far, even with those caveats.

The request made me uneasy. An executive known for “playing politics” asked me to submit a review that, due to its timing, would be less anonymous. And following so closely on the heels of an award — well, it felt almost transactional and definitely a political minefield. I declined, saying that I had just not been here long enough. Any tips should this come up again? It surely will.

Yeah, that would make me uneasy too. And your company really shouldn’t be putting you in that position; there’s an implication that you have to write something positive, which is contrary to the whole point of anonymous reviews.

If it comes up again, you could try saying, “Oh, I never use those sites; I’ve never found them reliable,” which would then require him to directly order you to write a review if he really wants to push it, which most managers aren’t going to do. Or you could say something non-comittal, “Oh, maybe I will” and then never follow through (which would then require him continually hassling you about it, which is also unlikely). Or, of course, you could write one, if you feel like you have genuinely positive things to say about the company. But I wouldn’t let them push you into it if you don’t want to.

Read an update to this letter here.

3. Is my employer’s new expense policy normal or legal?

My job (professor) requires a lot of travel to conferences and other places, all on my own credit card and sometimes I can get it reimbursed. (Sometimes there is money available you can compete for to get expenses reimbursed; sometimes you know you are on your own dime.)

That is fine (well not “fine” but definitely understandable), but now the department in charge of reimbursing expenses is requiring not only a detailed and itemized receipt (no hotel fees will be reimbursed as they do not explain what the fee is, for example) with our names on them, but we also have to provide our credit card statements to show we we really charged for the items on our receipts.

Is this legal? And do other organizations do this?? No notice was issued about this – we only found out as our reimbursements were being denied. I’m so angry about it, I’m starting to look for another job; but thought I should find out whether this is common or not.

Requiring credit card statements and an explanation of expenses is pretty standard (and definitely legal), but the part about not reimbursing hotel fees that the hotel doesn’t explain is pretty weird. That said, I’d just start telling hotels that you need fees spelled out (which isn’t an unreasonable request). The big issue I see here is that they didn’t give you any warning of this and started applying it retroactively, which is unfair since you may have lost the opportunity to get that documentation. I’d try pushing back on that piece, pointing out that you shouldn’t lose money for following a policy that changed after your expenses were incurred.

4. I’m not sure I want to continue interviewing with this company

I recently interviewed for a small startup by responding to a social media status they posted looking to hire full time positions for their company. The status basically asked for a “Jill of all Trades” type of person and said to email their company for a full description. As the company sounds like a fun place to work for, I sent in a cover letter and my resume to the email and inquired for more details. A day later, the founders asked to have a phone interview with me.

The interview went well and the conversation was not awkward, but then one of the cofounders mentioned that the position is paid hourly and has no benefits except for discounts off their products since their finances aren’t very stable yet. This was all news to me since they did not post this information on their job opening ad on their Facebook. I’m currently working full time, paid in salary and have a generous benefits package. I’m looking to relocate to the city this startup is in, but I’m already hesitant about the position since I’m not sure if I’m willing to forgo health insurance and paid vacation.

They sent me an email today asking to have a Skype interview on Friday, but I’m not so sure if I should go through with it. If I don’t, would I risk angering them? Should I go through with it anyway to see how much they are willing to pay hourly, if I receive an offer? If not, how do I decline going through with the next steps politely?

It’s totally reasonable to withdraw from their hiring process if you decide the job isn’t for you; in fact, that’s more considerate than wasting their time (and an interview slot that could have gone to someone else) if you know you wouldn’t take the job. It would also be polite to explain your reason, since it’s useful for them to understand why candidates might lose interest. If you’re not 100% sure and it hinges on the hourly rate, you could also reach out now to discuss that — saying something like, “Before I take up more of your time, I should mention that I have some concerns about the compensation you mentioned when we last spoke. I’m currently in a salaried position with a generous benefits package; I’d be unlikely to leave it for an hourly role without benefits, although that would of course depend on what that hourly rate was. Are you able to tell me the hourly range for the role?”

Generally, asking directly salary at this stage is frowned on (which is ridiculous, but the convention nonetheless), but in this specific case, you’re framing it as (a) following up on information they already gave you and (b) trying to figure out if that information makes the role prohibitive for you, so reasonable people in their shoes shouldn’t have a problem with that (and should appreciate your candor).

5. Job searching soon after starting a new job

I applied to a job which was opening new facilities in my town. When I was hired, they asked me if I could start at their headquarters until the new facilities opened. I agreed even though it is a long commute since it was suppose to be temporary. They said it would be for three to four months max. We’re approaching the three month mark and things are looking grim. In fact, they have temporarily closed facilities which just opened. Supervisors and HR cannot give me a clear answer. I cannot afford to do this commute permanently and wouldn’t have even applied if it was to work at the current location. Should I start looking for a new job so soon? How do I frame this new job in resumes and interviews for prospective employers?

It sounds like you should be looking, since they can’t promise you that the job you were hired for will even exist. And if they keep you on, it might be at a facility with a longer commute than you want.

As for framing it to prospective new employers, “Unfortunately, the new facility they hired me to work in may not open after all” has the benefit of being both true and entirely understandable.