Ask a Manager

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. How to turn down supporters’ requests to visit our office

I work for a high-profile animal welfare charity, and we often get requests by supporters to visit our office. Unfortunately, we are a small team with limited time and there really is nothing to see here! (We are not involved in hands-on work and there are no animals to see here!) We have no idea what they are hoping to see – I guess they feel we have a special relationship with them so they can just drop in for a chat when they are in town.

How do I politely tell these people we just cannot facilitate visits without sounding rude?

“We’re a small staff that tends to be stretched thin, so it’s hard to accommodate visits during the workday — and we’re a pretty basic office anyway, without animals on-site, so you likely wouldn’t find it interesting to visit! But while you’re in town, a great place to visit is ___ (insert some animal-friendly destination like a sanctuary if there’s one within driving distance).”

Also, if it’s a regular request, you might consider holding a monthly happy hour, volunteer night, or other low-resource event for volunteers and supporters, which would give you something to funnel people toward: “We’re a small staff so it’s hard to accommodate visits during the workday, but we have a monthly ___ that we’d love for you to attend if you’ll be here during it.”

And of course, it probably goes without saying, but you’d want to make the time to meet with high-dollar donors (or prospective high-dollar donors), since helping major donors feel more invested in your organization is a fundamental part of fundraising and usually more than pays for itself.

2. My former company told my former coworker that she can’t talk to me anymore

I recently left a job because I was extremely unhappy there. I made a few friends there. I was told by one of them that she is no longer allowed to talk to me and she has to cut ties with me completely because the boss says so. My former boss is telling her she can not talk to me on her private time. I did not leave and go to a competitive company; I am staying home with my family. She does not email me from work or call me from her desk; this is strictly an outside work friendship. Can a company really do that?

A handful states, such as New York and California, have laws that explicitly protect an employee’s lawful activities off the clock and off the employer’s premises, and my guess is that this would be covered by those laws. But outside of those states, yes, an employer can put all sorts of weird requirements on employees, including that they not socialize with former employees.

That said, how is your employer going to know if your former coworker is continuing to talk to you? It seems like it would be pretty easy for her to continue the friendship without them knowing about it. (Which isn’t to say that she should have to do that — this is a ridiculous overreach from the employer. But that might be the solution, unless she’s willing to push back on her manager.)

3. Can my employer decrease my pay retroactively?

Can an employer can make a pay change (decrease) retroactive? For example, I get paid a base salary, plus commission. My boss is talking about taking away the commission part of the salary structure and putting me on a base salary. Would that take effect start from the day we speak or a future agreed upon date, or could he make that take effect for this current month?

The commissions earned for the month are usually paid on the second pay date of the following month. Would the August commission be compromised if the pay change were to take effect in September? Or, would the commissions still be owed to me since it was for the month of August, and work was already completed?

Employers cannot decrease your pay retroactively. They can change it going forward at any time if you agree to that, but they can’t just announce to you, “Oh, by the way, you’ve been working at 80% of your previous rate these last two weeks.” The idea is that you need to agree to your pay rate. If you can’t reach an agreement, you can leave the job — but they can’t change it behind your back and not tell you.

Commissions, though, might be trickier, depending on the exact wording of your commission agreement with your employer.

4. Can my employer call me on my day off and tell me to come in?

Our new work schedule always comes out on Thursday and is finalized by Saturday of the same week. I check the final schedule and write it down to plan my life around my work schedule. Last week, I checked my schedule and it said that I would have Monday off. When I woke up Monday, I had a text from a coworker that said my manager decided that I was working all day — my scheduled day off.

Normally I have no problem with being called in, but I was not asked if I could; I was just told to come in. Here’s the problem: I am a few hours away from my job visiting family because I was supposed to be off. Calling me to come in a few hours before the shift was to begin will not leave me with enough time. I had to say no. Are managers allowed to schedule you last second, as in, the day of, on your day off without asking if you can actually do it? Secondly, would they be able to fire me for unwillingness to work if I can’t come in when they ask me to?

Yes, they’re allowed to do that — but you’re also allowed to explain that you can’t come in. In theory, they could fire you over that if they wanted to, but they’re unlikely to do that. (They’re also allowed to fire you for wearing an ugly tie or using words that start with Z, but that’s unlikely too.) The next time this happens, just say something like, “I can’t come in today; since I was scheduled to be off, I’m out of town.”

5. Are reimbursements supposed to be taxed?

When I incur expenses for my job (mileage for travelling to a meeting, say), I fill out an expense report and at the end of the pay period my employer reimburses me. Is this money taxable? My present employer just told me it’s illegal for a company to tax money that was paid to me as a reimbursable expense, yet my last employer always taxed it, to the tune of several hundred dollars over the 5 years I worked for them. I am living in Maryland now, my last job was in Texas, in case that makes a difference.

As long as they were legitimate, documented business expenses, that money should not be taxed. It’s not income; it’s simply reimbursement of a business expense.

I’m not sure if there’s anything you can do to correct it retroactively, but an accountant could probably tell you. (I assume you’d need them to issue you a corrected W2, and you’d need to file an amended return, but I’m just guessing.)

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. How do I list a receptionist job in a brothel on my resume?

I work in a place with a legalised, regulated sex industry. I worked as a receptionist in a brothel for over a year and for the most part, I was really good at it and gained some really valuable experience while there, that I think would be transferrable to other jobs and industries — possibly office or project management or something like that.

My issue is that I’m not sure about listing this position on my resume. Generally, brothels usually have alternative business names and receptionists might list their position as working front of house in a restaurant or something like that. That’s possible here but if I go that route, I don’t get to talk about my actual experience – juggling phone calls, coordinating bookings, paying attention to occupational health and safety, etc. Also, if you google the alternative business name, it comes up with a few directory pages saying that it is a restaurant, has been in operation for 20+ years, and that 15 people are employed there, but that’s pretty much it. One of those pages includes the address and it would be easy to link it to the brothel. I’m not sure whether it’s a believable cover. On the one hand, I could just say that it’s very small and quite old fashioned, hence such a small online presence. On the other hand, I don’t want to get caught out in a lie if they ask me for more details about it.

Would listing this position be a really bad idea? Or would someone who is hiring me be able to see the value in my experience and not get too caught up in what industry I worked in?

I’d list the alternate business name on your resume, but I wouldn’t outright lie about what it was (saying that it was a restaurant or something like that). Talk about all the experience that you want to talk about; just don’t specify that it was a brothel. You should be able to talk about experience in juggling phone calls, coordinating “entertainment bookings,” and so forth without saying “brothel,” “sex workers,” or other giveaway terms.

If you’re asked in an interview what kind of business it was, I’d say “entertainment industry” — and if pressed for details, I’d say “adult entertainment.” While that will get some interviewers clutching their pearls, there will be plenty who will see it as a business like any other — especially if you make a point of being extra polished and professional to counter any concerns they might have about norms in that industry. (And some might even figure that you probably picked up great customer service skills in a uniquely challenging environment.)

2. What Facebook posts should I block coworkers from?

I’m not a huge fan of being friends with work colleagues outside of work. It’s not that I’m not friendly, it’s just that I prefer to keep it very professional, maybe to a fault. I’m in a new office, and it seems like people here don’t prescribe completely to that same convention. So I’m trying my best to fit in with the office culture. I’m thinking about making a baby step and friending them on Facebook because they regularly come in in the morning and comment on pictures and postings saying things like, “Oh that hike looked really fun, where did you go?” “Hey let’s go on a hike this weekend.” Blah blah blah.

Anyway, I want to make Facebook groups, but I’m not sure what things should I let them see and what things I shouldn’t. I ask this because I don’t really post anything outrageous. I don’t drink or party so I don’t have any of those photos to share. I share funny stories about my crazy toddler and pictures of his cuteness. The only thing that might be “controversial” is that I post some unconventional political opinions for the region in which we live and for the religion of which I am a member (as are a few of my colleagues). Any guidance would be helpful.

Well, first, you really don’t need to friend coworkers on Facebook if you’d rather not. Plenty of people make a point of not connecting to coworkers. But if you decide to, it sounds like limiting them from political and religious posts would make sense. Put them in a “toddler pics only” group.

3. How can I refer a job candidate without vouching for them?

A former colleague from my previous place of employment reached out to me to let me know that he has been laid off during a restructuring. He wants to know if I can help him find a position at my new place of employment. My former boss did not think highly of him or his work product, and while I did not work with him directly, I wasn’t that impressed with him either. He was the type to sing the “No one appreciates me. Why am I treated so unfairly? How come no one recognizes how smart I am?” song.

On the other hand, this man has a family and two young children to support, and I would feel terrible refusing to help him. Still, I do not want to attach my name to his application, or in any way imply that I endorse him as a candidate.

My inclination is to direct him to our company’s jobs page, and tell him to let me know if he sees anything that he thinks would be a good fit, and that I can then send his resume to the assigned recruiter so that it at least gets seen. But what happens if the recruiter (or worse – the hiring manager) asks for my opinion of the guy? Should I just say that I did not work with him directly and leave it at that? I love my new job, and love working at my new company; it’s a huge fortune 100 though, and I feel morally inclined to put the best interests of a fellow human being above any loyalty I have to a corporation.

It’s kind of you to want to help, but make sure that you don’t tar your own reputation in doing so, because that can harm you in real ways. That means that you’d want to be very clear that you weren’t vouching for his work. At a minimum, you’d need to say something like, “I know him slightly, but I can’t vouch for his work.” But I’d think twice about helping in this way at all — if you’re encouraging him to apply for jobs with your company, you risk being associated with his application regardless, and this is someone who you know to be an undesirable employee. Why not help him in other ways, like offering to look over her resume or send him job leads elsewhere?

4. Setting goals for support positions

As we set annual goals, we are struggling to ensure that different roles have goals that have similar levels of rigor. We want everyone in the organization to have outcomes-driven goals (i.e., a sales total vs. cold calls made), but are particularly challenged by administrative staff. In the past, our goals for those roles have been very compliance oriented, and not really centered around the larger goals of the organization. Do you have strong examples of goals for receptionist, payroll clerk, and other types of support staff positions?

With roles where success is hard to quantify, goals should paint a picture of what the work looks like when it’s done well. The trick in doing that is often to picture someone doing a mediocre job in the role and someone doing an outstanding job in it. What’s the difference between the two? Your language can probably be found there. For example:

* Serve as a warm, helpful, and professional face of the organization to visitors and callers, leaving all visitors and callers with an image of XYZ Corp. as a friendly and easy-to-work-with resource.
* Interactions with visitors, vendors, and other employees regularly elicit unsolicited praise.
* Staff’s payroll questions and problems are resolved quickly and accurately, within one day for “urgent” issues and within three days for others.
* All meetings requests have been scheduled within 48 hours, with a first attempt to schedule made the same day request is received.
* Flawlessly execute weekly luncheons that present a highly professional image of the organization, have all logistics running smoothly, don’t go over budget, and receive at least 90% positive feedback on evaluation forms from both presenters and participants.

5. Can I see the profile of me that a recruiter is circulating?

Is the profile a recruiter has created about you considered their proprietary property? Or are you entitled to a copy of it?

I was contacted recently by a recruiter for a position that I am now actively interviewing for. Everyone I have met with so far has mentioned the great “profile” of me that the recruiter gave them, and now I’m very curious and would like to read it. I really like this recruiter, and would like to maintain the relationship even if this specific job does not pan out, so I don’t want to commit a faux pas. Totally acceptable or no?

You can absolutely ask to see it. And frankly, it’s a good idea, because you want to make sure that it’s representing you correctly — you don’t want to find out later on that the recruiter claimed you had skills you didn’t have or otherwise portrayed you inaccurately.

I’d say something like this: “Several of the people I’ve interviewed with have mentioned that they loved the profile of me that you sent them. I’d love to see that — could you send me a copy?”

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My company’s managers all joked to me about not hiring women who might get pregnant

I was telling the senior division chiefs of my pregnancy a few months ago, in individual meetings, and each of them said something along the lines of, “Wow, there so many pregnant women now! We are going to need to stop hiring women in their late 20s/early 30s because you all get pregnant. Just joking of course!” I don’t think they would actually make hiring decisions based on that criteria, but it didn’t make me feel very positive. I didn’t say anything at the time as I was relatively stressed out about telling them in the first place.

Where I’d like your opinion: I’d like to go to our newly appointed HR person and report that this happened. We have a lot of women at our company. Can I do that, even if it’s months later? If I do, what steps could they actually take to make sure this doesn’t happen to someone else? I was thinking about why women are at a disadvantage, and I think it’s partially because our company policy provides women 6-8 weeks paid leave, while men only get 1 week (and most don’t take it). If men had access to additional parental leave, then the playing field would be more equal.

While I’m (mostly) sure that the managers you talked with were joking, they shouldn’t be saying things like that. Pregnancy discrimination is a real thing that women have to contend with (whether they’re pregnant or whether they’re just of typical child-bearing age), and no good comes of having comments like that floating around, no matter how non-discriminatory the company’s actual practices might be. It’s bad for the women who work there, and it’s bad for the company itself if they ever happen to be faced with discrimination allegations. So yes, it’s something your HR department would probably want to know about it.

I’d say something like this: “I don’t think they actually meant they’d factor this into hiring, but the comments bothered me enough that I’m still thinking about them months later, and think the company probably has an interest in making sure that its managers aren’t saying things like this. Again, I do know they were joking — but I think someone needs to explain why they shouldn’t be making those jokes.” A good HR person will step in and handle this from there. And you should also be able to request that they take steps to ensure that you don’t face even minor repercussions for raising it.

2. My remote team isn’t as fast or responsive as I need

I’m working for the first time ever with a 90% remote team, where there is a 9.5 hour time difference. Most of the “action” in terms of decision-making, deal-making, etc. happens in my time zone with my clients and the leadership on our account team. In a lot of situations, time is of the essence and it’s the difference between winning a big project or losing out to a competitor. However, I’m finding that it’s difficult to make quick decisions, because we need to vet all of our estimates with the remote team before we commit to timelines and costs.

When it comes to communicating with my remote team, I’ve been experiencing a lot of frustration. It’s difficult to create a sense of urgency, and they tend to focus on pedantic aspects of what we’re being asked to develop or estimate, rather than taking a more holistic view of the issues.

The branch of the company they work in also functions differently than my branch, in that it’s a lot more bureaucratic. In my local office, titles don’t mean much and people work collaboratively to get things done. For my remote team’s office, titles and perceived power/position are important, so I’ll often need to get a member of Sr. Leadership on the phone before they’ll speed up their processes or provide needed information.

Do you have advice on how best to work with remote teams, especially where the time difference and culture make trying to connect remotely (and work harmoniously and collaboratively) really challenging?

I don’t think this is about working with remote teams; it’s about working with a team that’s out of sync with your needs and priorities. This is something you should raise with your manager — spell out what you need, how it’s working currently, why it’s a problem, and what you’d like done differently. This is exactly the kind of thing your manager should be aware of and charged with resolving.

3. Company rejected a job applicant because of a past relationship with a current employee

Recently a qualified job applicant was not hired, because they were in a past relationship with a current employee of our company and there were concerns about people feeling comfortable working with each other. Neither person was talked to directly about the issue. Is this is legal? We do have an internal policy about relationships, and spouses/partners cannot be hired if they will work in the same location (which this falls under). My concerns are about the grey area of past relationships. Is there any legal standing for this or is this just a subjective call by HR?

That’s perfectly legal. And in some cases, it makes a lot of sense. For instance, if one would be managing the other, the company might rightly fear bias or the perception of bias. Or if their current relationship is strained or hostile, the company might rightly not want to deal with the fall-out from that. Or it could be a situation like this one.

4. Should I ask this staffing agency to remove me from their database?

I applied for a position advertised on Craigslist that was being handled by a temp/staffing agency. It was a specific position in my field, for which I am qualified, and I only submitted my resume because of this. However, the response I got was that the agency does not currently have a position that fits my experience but they will store my resume in their database and contact me if something matching my experience comes up in the future. While I do need a new job, I’m not seeking “representation” by this agency. Can I/should I ask them to discard my application?

One reason to ask them to discard it is because if they submit you for jobs without you knowing about it, but you’re also applying to those jobs on your own or through a different recruiter, you risk a big mess over the question of who “owns” your candidacy (and whether the employer would owe a fee to them if they hired you, even though you weren’t actively working with this agency). On the other hand, you might want the advantages of being connected to jobs you might not otherwise know about.

If you decide you’d rather opt out of their database, you could say something like this: “Thank you, but in order to avoid the complications that can arise if a candidate is submitted by multiple recruiters, please remove my materials from your database.”

5. Companies that ask candidates to pay for background checks

What are your thoughts on companies that ask prospective employees to pay for their own background checks?

Those companies are asking prospective employees to pay what should be the company’s cost of doing business — companies should pay recruiting costs, not candidates.

(By the way, a small number of states do prohibit employers from passing this cost along to candidates, but most don’t.)