Ask a Manager

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My manager loves my coworker and hates me

My team consists of 10 people spread throughout two states. In my direct office, there is only me and another woman. My manager has an obvious favorite. She makes it obvious to the other people we share the office with. They call me the “unwanted stepchild.” Sometimes she says things like “No, you can’t leave get a new job yet, but you can” (referring to me). She also never includes me in our office meetings, but expects my equal-level colleague to tell me what the meeting was about. I am the only one on the team that has never received a raise and I am often left out of any conversations, personal and work-related. I do most of the work in the office and never get any recognition. She walks in the office and looks right over me, I pick up the phone she asks for my colleague, when its something pertaining to both of us. I just cannot take it anymore, I want to say something to her to let her know how I feel, but I do not know what to say.

Start looking for another job.

That might sound like an extreme solution, but these are very, very bad signs. Your manager cuts you out of the loop, won’t recognize or reward your work, and tells you directly that she wishes you’d leave. This is less about her having a favorite and more about her behaving horribly to you, and t’s a short step from here to actually pushing you out — but even if she doesn’t, you can never excel in these conditions.

In the interim, if you want to try addressing it head-on, I’d start by asking for feedback about your performance and what she’d like to see you doing differently … but really, I think the only way out of this is to get out.

2. Company docks our PTO in tiny increments even when we work long hours

I’ve been with my current company for over 5 years now and just recently they have changed the way we use our PTO. Up until a few weeks ago, we were able to use our PTO time in increments of either 4 hours or 8 hours. A majority of my company (primarily my department) puts in more than 40 hours a week while not being paid overtime. Although it’s not required to work more than 40 hours, our workloads for the most part require us to if we’re going to keep up with it and meet daily deadlines. However, they are now requiring us to take our PTO (40 hours given annually) in 2 hour increments, even if we’re only requesting an hour, whether it be coming in late, an extended lunch break while at an appointment, or to leave an hour early. If I only need to leave an hour early, for say a doctor’s appointment, they are refusing to give us the option of coming in early or working through our lunch break as an option to make up the time. When asked if overtime will be paid if and when we put in a 10-12 hour day, which is typically every week to prevent losing a customer, they are refusing that as well, stating that we are salary employees.

Can my employer deduct 2 hours from my PTO hours if I only left 60-90 minutes early one day but if by the end of the work week I have put in actually 46 hours, for example? I feel if I stop putting in over 40 hours a week that I’ve been working since employed with them that I’ll put my job on the line.

Yes, they can — although it’s a very crappy way for them to do things. It sounds like you’re exempt, which means that you’re expected to work as long as it takes to get the job done (without receiving overtime pay). But good companies make sure that this goes both ways — that they don’t nickel and dime you when you leave early or come in late but are working basically full-time hours (or more).

You and your coworkers might consider pushing back on this as a group — pointing out that there’s little incentive for you to work long hours if the company isn’t going to show you the same generosity of spirit. (I suppose that’s not literally true — the incentive is your continued employment, but those of you who have options might choose to exercise them somewhere that treats you more fairly.)

3. Girlfriend or job?

There’s a possible job offer that requires me to move and live in the city. The issue I’m having is that I live with my girlfriend and her children in different city — in a great suburb with great schools in a house she owns. She has already told me she plans on living there for good and doesn’t plan on moving. I love her very much and my plans are to marry her and grow our family. The issue, of course, is to show proof I live in the city. I can show prove of address on my license and my bills, but they will investigate further into it. Also, if I plan on marrying my girlfriend and have a child, that wouldn’t look smart having a wife and child in a suburb while I claim I live in the city. I’m torn between a once-in-a-lifetime career or possible family.

Which is more important to you: staying with / having a family with this person, or this job? Which will be more important to you in 10 years? 20? That’s all it really comes down to.

4. Passed a background check, then failed it

I was previously employed with a company for 2 years. I was offered a better job, with better pay and hours, so I proceeded to put in my 2 weeks notice, worked them completely, and moved on. The company I headed off to didn’t keep any of the job promises, so after 3 months I reapplied with the previous company for the same position. The first time around, I had no issues with the background check. This time, I was offered the position and was all ready to come back, only to receive word 2 days before my first return shift that I did not pass the background check. Is it common or normal to pass then fail a check for the same company? All the information provided was the same as the first time, and the issue on the background check is now 2 years older with no further issues.

No, that’s odd. You should point out that you passed previously and that there shouldn’t be anything problematic on and ask if they can take another look at it. Sometimes mistakes happen.

5. How to thank an awesome custodian when I leave my job

I’ve worked in the same university department for almost five years, and am now resigning to go to grad school. Our building has two custodial staff, and during my time here I’ve seen a handful of different people in these positions. One of our current custodians has been here for a few years, and does a significantly higher job than anyone else we’ve had in this building or in the other buildings on campus. When I first started working here, we had real issues with cleanliness, such as trash not being collected and toilet paper not being replaced, and the custodians were often MIA. Ever since this employee started, our building has looked great and we haven’t had any problems. I’ll see him doing extra little things like wiping down door handles or baseboards, and he’s always around in case you need him.

Having seen what happens when you have poor performers in that position, I am continually impressed by his quite dedication to his job and have always made a point to thank him for his work whenever it seemed appropriate. Around Christmas, the office does a collection for the custodians as a holiday bonus, and I’ve always contributed to this. Now that I’m leaving, I wanted some way to let him know how impressed and grateful I’ve been for his work. The custodial staff at the university are technically employees of a different department and just assigned to the different buildings. Since I’m not in a supervisory role to him (and only a midlevel employee in the department), it’s not like I could offer to provide a reference if he ever needed one. Is there an appropriate way I could show him that I’ve noticed and appreciated his hard work? Just a “thank you” card seems a bit hollow, but I’m afraid a gift card would be strange as I’m not in his chain of command. I thought about leaving an advanced donation with the person who arranges the Christmas collection, but that seems far off and a bit impersonal.

Talk to him! Tell him what you’ve noticed and how much you’ve appreciated his work. That’s generally more meaningful to people than any gift. (Think about the times you’ve received gifts at work, and times you’ve received heartfelt thanks and recognition. I’ll bet the latter has stayed with you far longer.)

And absolutely, offering to be a reference for him would be a very nice thing to offer — while it’s true that you’re not his manager, you’re someone who can speak glowingly about his work, and sometimes people need non-managers to do that (such as if a manager drops off the face of the earth, or they have a falling-out, or whatever).

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Does it look immature to ask what time to show up on my first day?

I will be starting a new job relatively soon. My hiring manager has not told me what time to arrive on my first day. I have heard mixed things about following up with an employer about this. It is not a shift job, so there is no exact time people are expected to arrive. Some people I have spoken with have said just to come early on the first day and you can get a sense for when your coworkers arrive. This group has also said that asking about this time may make me look very young/immature. Others have said that it’s OK to ask. Any thoughts you may have would be greatly appreciated.

What?! Immature to ask that? That makes no sense. It’s a completely normal — and necessary — thing to ask. There’s no point in coming early; whoever’s in charge of orienting you might not be there yet. And you don’t want to risk coming late. This would be like not asking where the bathroom is and just hoping you find it in time, lest anyone think less of you for not knowing. Send your new manager an email and say, “What’s the best time for me to plan to arrive on Monday?”

2. How to send coworkers a farewell email when I’ve been gone for several months

My husband and I moved overseas for his job several months ago. When I left my office, I was in the process of interviewing for a remote position with the same company, so I did not send a farewell email to my colleagues (standard practice in the firm). The role ultimately didn’t work out, but now it’s been so long that I’m unsure how to phrase a note. I’d like to pass along my new contact info and keep my stateside network alive, but I feel awkward about the delay. Any tips?

How about this: “Now that we’re settled in Avonlea, I wanted to reach out and give you all my new contact info. As some of you know, we’re here because Fergus is helping build a new water slide park. I’m going to be looking for translation work here, and I’d love to keep in touch with all of you.”

3. Should I invite my coworkers to my wedding?

I am getting married in a few months and am unsure whether to invite my coworkers to the wedding. I work in a small (10-person), close-knit group within a much larger office. I’ve been working here full-time just under a year, although I did intern here for two summers before starting this permanent position. The group is very friendly, and for the most part entirely lovely to work with. I’m not friends with my coworkers outside work, but I do enjoy their company and definitely don’t want to offend anyone.

I’m leaning towards not inviting anyone, partly because I don’t see these people outside work, and also because there are several people outside my group who I know well and would want to include (for instance, my boss’s boss, who was my supervisor my first summer as an intern). We are following a semi-tight budget, though, and adding 10-15 people plus guests isn’t something I’m eager to do. Is there any general etiquette rule I should be following here as to whether to invite the group or not? And if I don’t invite them, is there anything I can or should do afterwards to acknowledge that I had a wedding and while they are lovely people, they didn’t make the guest list?

Etiquette does not require you to invite coworkers. And given that (a) these aren’t people you’re friends with outside of work and (b) you don’t especially want to add another 10-15 people, it sounds like it makes sense not to invite them. It’s entirely normal to make that decision, and you don’t need to break it to them in any special way (and trying to would likely make it awkward whereas it otherwise shouldn’t be). If anyone asks, you can explain that you have a limited guest list for budget reasons — but other than that, there’s no need for you to do any explaining.

4. I accidentally saw the full salary range for the job I’ve been offered

I’ve been approached and offered a position w/in my company. The position is one level up from my current. The job duties are somewhat similar. The hiring manager didn’t realize his email had the link to the requisition, which included all info including compensation. It contained five compensation levels, namely: entry minimum, target minimum, midpoint, target max, and premium max.

My current salary is $7k below the “target minimum.” The HR recruiter offered me a total lateral move. How should handle this situation? I would like to at least get the “target minimum.”

Two choices: You could simply use this as background info to inform your ability to negotiate and could press hard for the target minimum (or, for that matter, something closer to the midpoint if you can justify it). Or you could just be candid and say you saw the comp info for the position and you’d like to receive the target minimum (or, again, the midpoint if you can justify it). If you do the latter, I’d say: “I’m not sure if I was supposed to see the compensation ranges for this position, but I think the target minimum — which is $7,000 higher — is a fair salary for the skills and experience I’d be bringing.”

(On the question of whether you should go for the midpoint, keep in mind that that’s often midpoint once you’re been in the role for a while. It often doesn’t refer to expected starting salary — although it could if you’re a particularly strong candidate.)

5. Being required to stay at work late

In the state of Florida, is it legal for my manager to make me stay past my scheduled time to leave? With no questions asked?

Yes, that’s legal. If you’re non-exempt, you must be paid for the time, but there’s no law prohibiting your manager from requiring extra hours from you on short notice.

That said, you can certainly explain that you have a commitment after work that you can’t break. Your manager could still choose to require it anyway, but a reasonable manager wouldn’t do that except in very limited circumstances (such as a true emergency that no one else could handle or if you had made a major error that needed to be fixed immediately).

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Will martial arts hurt my boyfriend’s career in child care?

My boyfriend is looking for a job in child care, but he doesn’t have much experience working with children. He has done the state training in childcare (not a full degree, just an online 40-hour certification) and completed first aid training, as many of the job announcements ask for those. On one version of his resume, he’s included volunteer time with a martial art he participated in for over a decade, because he helped train new members–including children. I thought the martial arts training was a great addition, since he has no work experience he could talk about, but the martial arts trainings did regularly include children and teenagers, and he could talk about how he helped with them. He drove vehicles with them to meets all over the state, checked in with parents about scheduling, and sparred with them. He wasn’t a master of his art, but for years a respected and looked-up-to member of their local chapter, and helped many members advance in the art.

A friend, however, thought that the martial arts experience didn’t belong on his resume, since it makes him sound “like not the kind of guy you’d want around your kids!” … which… completely depends on what individuals think about the various martial arts! When he talks about martial arts, he’s talking about health and perseverance–things which should be great things to share with kids, and would be appropriate in a childcare setting– but our friend said most people just think punching and violence on TV. Most of the online childcare/babysitting fora seem to agree to not mention any martial arts training, but it’s by far the most “official” time he’s spent with unrelated children, and I think it’s important to have something on there that says, “adults other than my relatives trust me with their children.” Do you (or your readers) have any opinions on this?

And how can men ensure they don’t appear creepy when applying for work with children? We’ve debated all this quite a bit and would love to hear other ideas on it!

I can’t imagine why include his martial arts work would be a negative. As you point out, it demonstrates work with children and a track record of being responsible for them. And someone who’s worried about a man being in charge of kids isn’t going to be more worried because he’s a martial artist; if he can’t be trusted with kids, he can’t be trusted — it doesn’t make the situation worse that he could karate chop them.

Some people do still have a bias against men in child care, which is rooted in incredibly sexist and insulting assumptions. I’m not sure there’s much your boyfriend can do about that other than be squeaky clean and responsible, but I’m interested to hear other people’s thoughts on it.

2. My company hires new managers without giving anyone internal the chance to apply

Last year, I (a senior-level, non-management staff member) assisted in interviewing a person I thought would be a new colleague just under me in rank. Instead, he was hired as a manager in the department I work in, and a second person was hired for the job actually posted. None of us had been told there was even a plan in place to hire another manager, and even though several of us had repeatedly expressed interest in moving up in the company, nobody had an opportunity to apply for this managerial position – because it was never even posted, publicly or within the company. After this, two staff members quit.

Now this has happened again, in a different department. Can you suggest any leverage we might have in fighting these “invisible” management hires from outside at the expense of employee growth in the company? I suspect it is technically legal, just crappy practice. It has been very demoralizing; I have heard from several coworkers that they feel like their jobs are total dead-ends. I don’t think anyone feels they are “owed” a management position; we just want a chance to throw our hats in the ring!

It’s perfectly legal, but you’re right that it’s demoralizing; it sends a message to people that they don’t have much of a future in your company if they want to grow, because they’ll never be given the opportunity to even apply for higher-level roles. To be clear, the problem is mostly about the pattern; something like this happening once can be understandable (plans change, the new manager might have been clearly perfect for what they wanted, the potential internal candidates might have been clearly not as strong), but (a) they should have given you all more of an explanation than they did, and (b) it happening a second time is understandably troubling.

The thing to do here is to speak up. Talk to whoever is in a position to have influence on this process, explain why what they’re doing is discouraging, and ask for more openness and transparency in the process in the future.

3. Asking applicants why they’re interested in part-time work

I am an employer who is very careful not to cross the line with inappropriate interview questions. Is it inappropriate or illegal to ask this: “When responding [to this job posting], please explain why you currently prefer to work part-time hours.” We have a part-time job available and are finding what appears to be numerous full-time workers applying. Naturally, I don’t want to hire someone who will leave when their a full-time job opens up for them.

Nope, it’s not illegal to ask the question and it’s a sensible thing to ask. However, you run the risk of inviting answers explaining that some applicants are women with kids, which potentially makes it easier for someone to later claim that you’re discriminating against women. It’s pretty unlikely though, and it’s a totally reasonable question to ask. You might, however, ask it as part of your early-stage phone screening, rather than making it such a focal point of the initial application.

4. I sent money to a company that wanted to hire me and now they’ve disappeared

So I recently applied to a job in a pharmaceutical facility on kijiji. A few days later, I received a reply from a manager for a company, telling me he would like to offer me a tentative position and that I would just need to e-transfer them a $40 fee for a criminal record check, but I would be reimbursed on my first paycheck and once that was passed I could go to their employment offices to fill out paperwork and have the position. There is no information surrounding the company name he had under his name in the email signature. I thought, okay, maybe it’s a private hiring contract or something and also it’s based in Ottawa (I am located in Windsor, Ontario). So, no interview, just a criminal record check. I’ve also called the phone number listed in the email, no answer, and no answer from my email that was replied to 2 days ago as well as this morning. This job pays $15/hour and I’m really hoping it’s just not too good to be true.

You were told you were being hired without even an interview and you just needed to transfer money to them to make it happen? That sounds like a scam, and I think you’re probably out that $40. I’m sorry.

I don’t know that there’s much you can do, but at a minimum you should report it to the site where you applied for the job.

5. I have to wait two years for a salary review

I joined the staff of a small nonprofit in spring 2013. I had a 90-day review in summer 2013 and was told my first opportunity for a raise would be summer 2014. In January 2014, my supervisor confirmed that I had completed 2/3 of my goals for the year and would receive at least a 2% raise at my review.

Sometime during the first half of the year, HR changed policy on reviews: instead of doing all staff reviews at the end of the fiscal year, they would be done on hire date anniversaries. I waited a couple of months past my hire date anniversary and finally asked my boss when I would be getting my review. He told me because the policy had been passed the week before my hire date, I wouldn’t have a review until my *next* hire date (in 2015).

Most of the rest of the staff has anniversaries in the fall so their reviews were only postponed by a couple of months. I am not sure what to do with the fact that my first opportunity for a raise will now be Spring 2015 after starting Spring 2013. Is this normal procedure with a policy change? I did express some frustration and was told it was just luck of the draw.

It sounds like your boss misinterpreted the policy. This is exactly the kind of thing HR is useful for. Go talk to them.