was this email condescending or territorial?

by Alison Green on July 23, 2014

A reader writes:

I work in a small public library and am in charge of coordinating displays, though everyone contributes to them. Recently, when things are slow at the desk, some of my coworkers have taken to helping fill displays or help deal with the new flux of items we’ve recently gotten. I don’t mind this, as long as they are not doing it because they feel I have not done what I’m supposed to. One of the biggest culprits of this has been my manager. When I have noticed these changes I have emailed her to tell I had noticed the changes and to thank her for doing them (as they are ones I had on my to-do list, and I know she was just doing them due to the reference desk being slow).

The other day, two of my coworkers decided to shift around a few displays and sent an email out to let everyone know. I replied “Love it! I definitely think this will work, thanks for doing this ladies” as a way to let them know I appreciated them thinking of ways to improve the collection. My boss saw this email and pulled me into her office to have a very odd conversation with me.

She reiterated that as display coordinator, my job is literally just coordinating the displays and everyone can contribute to them. She also wanted to reassure me that the job of handling displays was not being taken from me, and that they had cleared the display switches with her first.

I said I had been surprised but pleased with the changes and was not upset. I also told her the only concern I have is that all this switching is being done because they feel I am not doing what I’m supposed to be doing. As long as that’s not the case, I reiterated I am fine with them helping with displays.

My boss proceeded to imply that the email I sent said otherwise, and that it was okay to be upset as I had not been told about these changes (she said in my position, she is not sure she wouldn’t have been a bit upset). She also said she wanted to make sure others felt comfortable helping with the displays, as they “don’t really know me yet” (her words) and that usually just replying “cool” or something to a email like this would suffice in most of these situations.

I am totally baffled by this conversation, as I try not to be territorial or seem high maintenance or whatever she is thinking. I simply reiterated that I was not upset, and that I did not intend for the email to come out that way if it did. I even mentioned an email I had just sent her before our conversation that suggested that perhaps we could have a spot to indicate display change ideas people want me to do, and that my coworkers be given the displays in the Children’s area to do (as they do all the children’s programming for our library). She said she would ask them about it, but seemed pleased with the idea.

Any advice about what to do next? I can be a bit anxious, perhaps, but I am really just trying hard to make sure I do my job well and get along with everyone I can. I am tempted just to not ever mention this conversation again, as it seems others didn’t interpret my email the same way my boss did.

I’m baffled by how your boss could read all that into your email. I can think of three possibilities:

1. She has odd ideas about what people really mean and will read thing into emails (and perhaps other communications) that aren’t there. If this is the case, it’s good to be aware of, so that you can pay attention to her patterns and try to figure out what she’s likely to interpret oddly and then hopefully head it off. (A subset of this: She reads into other people’s communications how she would feel if she were them, and assumes that they feel like she would — and then sees that in their responses, even if it’s not there.)

2. You’ve said or done other things previously that gave her the impression that you’re feeling defensive or concerned about others helping with your work. As a result, she read that into your email when it wasn’t there … or didn’t even read it into that particular email, but was concerned about you feeling that way overall and just used the email as a way to address it (which would be an odd choice, but people sometimes do things like that). Is it possible that you’ve bristled a little or seemed uncomfortable about other people stepping into help with your realm? You don’t sound like it in this letter, but it’s worth asking yourself — because that could explain this.

3. This was a weird fluke and isn’t indicative of anything more broad going on with her or with you.

Which of these three possibilities sounds most likely to you? If #1 resonates with you, based on what you know of your manager, consider this additional useful information about her. If #2 resonates, it might point you toward making a point of being more welcoming of other people’s help (and truly welcoming — because if you’re saying “thanks for your help” while stiffening and looking displeased every time if happens, no one thinks you really welcome it).

But beyond that, I’d be inclined to just let this go and move on. If it comes up again in the future, it might be worth digging into more (“I must be doing something that gives you the sense that I’m feeling territorial — can you help me figure out how I’m giving off that impression?”) … but I’d wait to see if there’s more of a pattern before worrying too much.

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{ 220 comments }

is it legal for publications not to pay their writers?

by Alison Green on July 23, 2014

A reader writes:

After being unemployed for 8 months, a friend suggested I look at volunteer websites to do writing and design for free, just to start doing it again. I felt a bit reluctant, but did. Eventually I found a city magazine in my area looking for writers, but they couldn’t pay them, just “incentivize” them (i.e., you get into magazine-hosted events for free).

I’ve since quit doing this because other things have finally worked out, but I wondered the whole time if it was legal—the whole thing that they weren’t paying their writers. It wasn’t a situation like the Huffington Post where you contribute one story, then kind of go on with your life. If you were a writer, you were expected to meet a quota of x stories per week and they’d give you a “strike” if you didn’t schedule your posts in time. There were compulsory staff meetings. Your title was, in fact, “staff writer.”

I know the publishing industry as a whole is suffering, but I guess what always rubbed me the wrong way is some people there were getting paid. The editors and other management positions were getting paid, some of the photographers, and some of the writers. The magazine has been around for 10 years—I see that it’s suffering like everyone else, but it’s not exactly a fledgling thing. They put on shows and events in the region that draw in money. I feel like it’s such a gray area because no one really respects writers anymore and people feel like they should get content for free, but is it actually legally for a publication like this to not pay?

Writing for free has become A Thing. Like every other blogger on the planet, I get emails all the time from various websites and publications asking me to write for free. When I explain that I charge for my work, they tell me with an inexplicably straight face that they don’t pay but instead can offer “exposure.” They, of course, will be profiting financially from what they want written for free.

The frustrating thing is that if you want to write professionally, sometimes it really can help to agree to do a small amount of this early on. I did used to write for free when I was trying to build my reputation — and the reality is, it helped. I was careful about which assignments I said yes to, but it did give me more exposure and more credibility. That makes it harder to issue a blanket “never do this,” because I know that it benefitted me and helped me get to the point where I now get paid for what I write (and now can happily turn down the people offering exposure as payment).

But people who want to earn money from writing are in a tough position when they’re starting out. You can take a principled position that you won’t write for free, but often that just means that other people will write for free while you don’t get published anywhere at all. Having published clips has always been the way to get writing work — you need them to get most writing jobs, so it’s hard for an inexperienced writer trying to break into the field to turn down offers that will provide those clips but don’t pay. As a result, profit-generating enterprises are getting tons of talented young writers to provide free work to subsidize their businesses and offering very little in return.

But that’s not your question. You want to know if it’s really legal. To get you an answer, I turned to the awesome Donna Ballman, employment lawyer extraordinaire and author of the excellent Stand Up For Yourself Without Getting Fired. She says:

It does seem like there’s a fine line between employee and volunteer writer these days. The Huffington Post suit was dismissed because the court found that the bloggers knew they weren’t getting paid, and that what they got was exposure. On the other hand, HuffPo didn’t treat these writers like employees. I’d say this situation sounds more like an employee/employer situation. Where the company is making the writers meet deadlines, issuing discipline, and requiring attendance at meetings, then those writers may well be employees. I’d suggest this reader contact an employee-side employment lawyer or the Department of Labor to explain more about the situation and explore her options.

In other words, this is similar to the laws on independent contractors. If an employer is treating you like an employee, then the law probably views you as an employee regardless of what the employer calls you, and thus you’re entitled to minimum wage and other worker protections. But if the employer truly treats you like an independent contractor (which is often the case with freelance writers), then those protections don’t kick in, and that means that you can in fact legally work for zero pay, “exposure,” thrills, or any other arrangement you want to agree to.

* I make a commission if you use that Amazon link.

Read an update to this letter here.

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{ 208 comments }

how can I get an employee to solve problems on her own, when does my two weeks notice start, and more

by Alison Green on July 23, 2014

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. How can I get an employee to try to solve problems on her own?

I have an employee who’s been with me for 6 years in an entry-level researcher position. Late last year, my senior researcher went out on leave, so my two entry researchers have had to pick up some of that workload. Also, early this year we switched to a new computer system that is completely different from what we’re used to.

Lately, one employee has started to come into my office using the phrase, “I haven’t done this before” or “this is new to me” and then looks at me as if she’s expecting me to detail her next steps. Yes, some things are new, but with her being here 6 years and having helped out the senior researcher before, I have the expectation that she knows enough about the business we are in to figure it out or at least come up with some potential options and then check with me on which one to proceed with. A couple of times I’ve said, “Yes you have, this is just like project x” or “We covered this in training” and then she just stares at me until I start talking again, when I usually say, “Well, what do you think should be done?” She has a poker face so I can never really tell what she’s thinking.

How do I, or should I, politely tell her that I’d like her to stop saying these phrases? I don’t think they’re doing her any favors. If I said that to my boss as often as she says it to me, my boss would be wondering why she hired me. My boss thinks that I need to get rid of her because she’s “not getting it'” and therefore is not supportive enough to me.

It sounds like the other entry-level researcher is handling this just fine, so that’s a useful reality check that your expectations are probably reasonable here — but even if you were expecting too much of her, it would still be reasonable to want her to try to solve problems on her own before coming to you. However, you need to tell her that you expect that; it sounds like so far you haven’t been clear with her on that front and have been expecting her to pick it up without directly saying it.

So tell her clearly what you expect! Say something like this: “I hear you that some of this is new, but most of it is similar to projects you’ve done before that or that we’ve talked about during training. I’m here as a resource for you, but when you get stuck, I’d like you to think through some potential options and then bring those to me if you’re still unsure. If you’re truly stuck and unable to do that, you can still come to me, but I’d like your default to be that you first try to figure it out (including checking the computer system training materials) and come to me with some options that you’ve thought through.”

2. When does my two weeks notice start ticking — when it’s sent or when it’s received?

I sent my manager (who is also the owner of the company) my two weeks’ notice a week ago. Today, she asserted that because she didn’t receive the notice until today, my two-week notice period starts today, not a week ago. She was out of the office last week, but she is the only person to whom I can submit notice and she advised my coworker that she would be available by email, which is how I submitted my notice when I found that she was not in the office.

As far as I’m concerned, it’s unfortunate and inconvenient, yes, but an employee’s life (not to mention job offers) doesn’t go on hold when the manager is out of the office. She, on the other hand, has expressed disappointment and anger. I can understand her frustration, but don’t feel that I have any obligation to stay for longer than my notice period. Who is right?

If you’d emailed your notice during a period when she had warned you she wouldn’t be checking email, you’d be in the wrong. But she had said she’d be checking email, so you reasonably assumed she’d see your note. That said, I do think you erred her in letting a week go by with no response and not checking in with her during that time, when you didn’t hear anything back from her.

But as for what to do now: Two weeks notice is simply professional convention; it’s not required by law, so you can leave whenever you want. You don’t want to burn a bridge, of course, which is why you shouldn’t quit without notice in general, but in this situation you could say something like: “I’m sorry you didn’t see my note until Monday. I sent it a week ago and assumed you saw it because you had told us you would be checking email. I’m not able to move my final day back because I’ve committed to starting my new job on X, but I’ll do whatever I can this week to help with the transition.”

That said, in general I recommend giving notice in person or at least by phone — not in email. Even when a manager is out of town, most would prefer a phone call to let them know what’s happening, rather than finding it in an email. And if you do send it by email and don’t receive a response for a couple of days, that’s a sign that you need to pick up the phone and make sure it was received.

3. Being considered for a promotion while interviewing for other jobs

I’ve been looking for other jobs and completed a final interview less than a week ago, and I feel very positive about my chances of being offered the job. I’m very excited!

But at my current workplace, they are interviewing for promotions and my boss is very adamant that I apply for the position because he feels like I am very good at what I do now and this position is the next logical step to a successful career within our company (he also didn’t want to see me become complacent in my current role). If I hadn’t already interviewed for another position that I feel I’m a better fit for, I would have jumped at this opportunity in a heartbeat. But I’m worried that I will be considered for this promotion and have to leave for the job I really want. What do I do? Should I discuss my career prospects at another company with my current boss? (The hiring manager for the other company indicated that I should have an answer by the end of this week, or next week at the latest. That means that they are making a decision on that position while my interview for a possible promotion would take place, according to the timeline my current boss gave me.)

You’re right that it’s not ideal to accept a promotion and then leave right away for another job — but the two timelines here sound like that won’t happen. You sound likely to get an answer on the other job before your current employer makes any promotion decision, so if you get the other job, you’ll have time to withdraw from consideration for the promotion. However, if the other company’s hiring process starts to drag out (which can happen), at that point you could contact them and let them know that you have a timeline constraint (explaining that you don’t want to accept a promotion and then leave soon after) and ask if they’re able to expedite their timeline.

But do throw your hat in the ring for the promotion, since there’s no guarantee that you’ll get the other job and it sounds like you’ll want this one if the other one doesn’t work out.

4. Is it rude to decline an interview with a company’s COO?

I have just had my first interview today with a company that contacted me regarding a job opening they would like to fill up quite quickly for a position that I am looking for. I had a few doubts before interviewing and suspected the job and company would not be the right fit for me. I still interviewed with them to get more information. Turns out, it’s not exactly what I am looking for and would feel like a step backwards for me in terms of the reputation this company has in the country/market I work in. Additionally, my current job involves quite a lot of travel, but the one I interviewed for involved a lot more than I am comfortable with.

They have contacted me an hour after the interview to say that it went great and requested that I do a second interview with their COO tomorrow. They seem to be quite eager to fill up the position as quickly as possible. I already know that I absolutely won’t take this position if they offered it to me, and I feel like I am wasting their time by interviewing with their COO while they could be speaking to other people who are a better fit. I am speaking to other companies I think would be a much better fit for me. On the other side, I am wondering if it’s acceptable to decline a meeting with their COO (I am not very senior with 3 years of work experience).

I don’t know how to politely decline without burning any bridges with them and their recruitment company. The market and industry I am in are quite small and I wouldn’t want to risk losing any future opportunities. How do you suggest I handle the situation?

It’s not rude to withdraw from an interview process when you’ve decided you’re no longer interested, and your seniority versus the interviewer’s isn’t a factor at all. In fact, accepting an interview you don’t want is arguably rude because it wastes the interviewer’s time and potentially takes an interview slot from someone who does want it, and I promise you that COO doesn’t want to spend her time interviewing someone who doesn’t want the job.

It’s totally fine to just explain that you’ve concluded the position isn’t for you. You could say something like this: “Thanks so much for reaching back out. After talking with Jane yesterday, I’ve realized that the position isn’t quite what I’m looking for, so I’ve decided to withdraw my application. But I appreciate the time you’ve spent with me and wish you all the best in filling the role.”

5. Applying when an employer keeps reposting the same job

How many times can you apply to the same job if an employer continuously re-posts the same opening? I first applied in March. However, I never heard back and the posting was taken down. The job was re-posted in May. I applied again and never heard back, and the job posting was once again taken down. It is now July and they re-posted the same exact position. Is it too pushy to apply a third time? The post says specifically not to contact the employer, so I haven’t been able to follow up at all. It really would be a perfect fit for me and my interests, so I don’t want to give up. However, I’m wondering if my continuous applying will prevent me from having a chance at future opportunities within the company.

I think it’s fine to reapply a third time, since these seem to be three separate hiring processes, not one long one. However, make sure you’re not sending the same cover letter that you’ve sent previously; that will look too perfunctory (and it didn’t work last time, so it’s time to change it up anyway). Write a letter that opens by noting that you’ve applied before (so that they don’t think you just don’t recall that) and explaining why you’re so particularly interested in the job.

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{ 187 comments }

my office permits bad behavior under the guise of harmony

by Alison Green on July 22, 2014

A reader writes:

I’m in a new position in an academic administrative department. I got out of a toxic workplace in April, have a great new boss, and am in a newly created position – meaning I get to determine (with my boss) what kind of projects we’ll work on in the next year. Yay!

However, I’m having a hard time fitting in to the office culture and it’s starting to wear on me every day. I think I’m kind of unorthodox here for a number of reasons: (1) I work later hours than everyone else – that was part of my offer negotiation, (2) I’m not shy at all about jumping right in, asking questions, and making changes (I’ve only ever gotten positive feedback on these traits from supervisors, so I don’t think I’m skirting the line into “pushy” or “rude”), (3) I come from previous cultures of flatter hierarchies and equal colleagues, rather than the very hierarchical world of academia.

My supervisor loves me and loves my work; her bosses love me and love my work. It’s apparently my coworkers who keep having problems with me: since I’ve been hired 4 months ago, my boss has had to talk to me privately 4-5 times about complaints or questions raised to her by others about my actions. This is about stuff like, “She comes and goes at odd hours,” (yes, which are approved by my supervisor), “She has visitors to her cubicle,” (yes, which isn’t disallowed and other people have visitors too, including unsupervised children), “She should run questions like that through the supervisor” (Really, asking if you would mind turning off your cell chime is something a Dean should have to weigh in on?), and “She’s asking too many questions, who does she think she is?” (I’m doing what I was told to do, is what I’m doing.) I even got a “warning” note left anonymously in my cubicle telling me to “mind my own business” – which was taken very seriously by admin, but mostly just gossiped about by staff.

My boss has my back, and she’s taken everything very seriously. Every time (from small to big), she says, “I totally have your back, I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong, but I wanted you to know that this happened, and let’s think of ways of appropriately addressing it if we can.” Sometimes we can’t address it: it’s some problem of someone else’s and I’m just the recipient; sometimes I can make some correction in my behavior to smooth things over.

The problem is: I think “smoothing things over” is actually code for “don’t talk to anyone else about this” or “keep your head down” or “this is just the way things are.” There seem to be a significant number of behavioral problems in this office coming from a number of different people that don’t get dealt with: tantrums/crying in meetings, bullying / sniping comments towards co-workers, disrespectful emails, etc. It seems like the more highly emotional / negative people just get to do what they want and all of us polite / socially responsible folks are expected to just deal with it because “oh that’s just the way so-and-so is.”

There are other things to say about this place, but my main question is this: how can I survive in a culture where this happens? Or, better yet, how can I work with my boss to make things better, if possible? My boss thinks that some of our newly-hired higher-ups will start to make changes, once they start seeing this stuff, that it’s just a matter of time and we should trust them. But how can I make it through the long game if the short game kills me first? I keep bumping into people, being told I’m not wrong, but that I’m the one to have to make adjustments. It’s hard, confusing, and isolating. I don’t want to keep having negative run-ins, but I don’t want to compromise my values (equality, respect, professionalism) either.

Do you want to stay in that culture?

If your boss truly thought these complaints by your coworkers were no big deal, she wouldn’t be bringing them to you. But she is — so there’s a message there. The message might not be “you’re in the wrong for doing X,” but it certainly seems to be “you need to do something differently so people don’t complain about X” or “I’m troubled that people are complaining about X.” It also seems to be, “I value harmony more than I value clear statements to people of what is and isn’t okay.”

The next time your boss brings someone’s complaint to you, try asking her what she said to them in response. If you don’t hear that she clearly corrected them — telling them that she’s happy with your work and that Complaint X isn’t a concern to her and why — then your boss is more of the problem than your coworkers are.

If you’re comfortable with it, you might try asking your boss head-on about this. For instance, you could say something like: “I appreciate you saying that you have my back on things like X and Y, but I have the sense from our discussions that you’d still like me to find a way to make people not be bothered by these things. I’m not sure there’s a way to do that other than for me to stop doing X and Y. Can we talk about what you have in mind when you talk about ‘appropriately addressing’ these things?”

However that conversation goes, you’ll probably get additional information that will help you figure out how to think about all this.

But even beyond that, is this a culture you want to be in? One where people throw tantrums, cry in meetings, snipe at people, send rude emails, and everyone else is told to suck it up and deal with it because that’s just the way those people are? One that you describe as feeling “hard, confusing, and isolating” and which you say is wearing on you every day?

Your boss is telling you that she hopes newly hired higher-ups will see this stuff and make changes …. but she’s a higher-up to some of the people involved, and she doesn’t seem to be making any changes. You might ask her specifically what changes she thinks will be made, and why she thinks that, and on what timeline — because I’d be pretty skeptical of those claims unless you start to see real evidence that it’s happening.

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{ 274 comments }

why you need a vacation (even when there’s no time)

by Alison Green on July 22, 2014

Americans notoriously receive less annual vacation time than other countries, on average – but did you know that we use less of what we get, too? A Glassdoor survey earlier this year indicated that the average U.S. employee only took 51% of their eligible vacation time in the last year and 15% didn’t take off any time at all! In fact, only 25% of employees reported using all of their allocated vacation days.

It’s time to change this. Vacations are good for employees, and they’re good for businesses too. Here are five reasons why you need a vacation, even if it feels like there’s no way to make time to get away. (And as you read this, remember that we’re halfway through the summer, so if you haven’t made vacation plans yet, your opportunity is dwindling!)

1. You’ll do better work when you’re refreshed. Your brain power and your energy start to dwindle when you work month after month with no break. Research shows that vacationing will increase your energy reserves so that you’ll expend less energy to get your work done with you return. You’ll also likely come back feeling more creative, more engaged, and less burned out.

2. It’s good for your health. The Framingham Heart Study, a decades-long research project on heart disease, found that even after allowing for other lifestyle factors, men who took more vacations lived longer. In fact, an annual two-week vacation can decrease the risk of heart attack by 30 percent in men and 50 percent in women. But it takes two weeks off to see those benefits – a long weekend here and there won’t cut it.

3. Taking a week or more off will help you spot areas that need attention on your team. It’s highly unlikely that your office will implode while you’re away –you’re your absence might help bring to the surface problems with processes or areas where people need to be cross-trained. (And if you’re really convinced that your office will implode during your time away, that’s a flag that you need to make some serious changes. No business should be so dependent on a single person that it can’t function for a week or two without them.)

4. If you’re a manager, your team will follow your lead. You can give all the lip service to the importance of vacations that you want, but if you never take time off yourself, your staff will assume that they’ll be judged for doing it themselves. If you want a healthy, rested staff that’s operating at full productivity, you’ll need to model good time-off behavior yourself.

5. There might never be a good time to take a break. That doesn’t mean you should never leave the office. What it does mean is that you should stop waiting for an easy time to get away, and make it work now. If you’re hesitant, think about this: If you were suddenly hit by a bus and recovering in the hospital for a month, your workplace would find a way to carry on, right? They will make do without you for a week or two now., as well – and in fact, going away now on your own terms will make it easier for everyone to manage if you ever are called away without notice or prep time in the future.

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{ 175 comments }

how can I get a job description, what heels are too high for work, and more

by Alison Green on July 22, 2014

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Should I believe my contact’s warning about his horrible organization?

I’m currently employed as a nonprofit consultant and am looking for a new position within a nonprofit organization. I just left an informational interview that made me a bit heartbroken.

A friend put me in touch with a director at an organization with a great mission where I’d love to work, and the director was happy to meet me in his office. I was eager to hear about the structure of the organization, some of the challenges they might face, what their priorities are, etc. What I got when I first sat down was: “You don’t want to work here.” And, “In fact, I won’t let you work here because you seem nice and I don’t want you to make a mistake by coming here.”

He continued to talk about how miserable he was coming to work each day, how he wishes he could quit but that he’s too old for a another job, and how he wished his life had taken a completely different path entirely. From there, we talked about his house, garden, and pet cemetery. He said he wanted to help me in any way possible and hopes we stay in touch. I tried to steer back to the issues, but all he could offer was that the CEO and the Number 2 were horrible people who don’t care about their employees. Wow! Now what? Do I take his word for it? Or do I seek out another opinion? This organization is not currently hiring for my skill set, but when they do, I want to be considered!

I wouldn’t discard an organization on the word of one person whose judgment you don’t know anything about. It’s entirely possible that the person you met with is the one guy in the organization who feels that way. Or that he’s one of a small disgruntled contingent. Or that the stuff that bothers him wouldn’t bother you at all. (You’ve probably had coworkers before who hated things that didn’t bother you, or whose whole perspective you found remarkably off-base. This guy could be in that category.) It’s also entirely possible that this is a horrible organization that he’s right to warn you against. You have no way of knowing at this point. Take it as one data point and search out others before drawing any conclusions.

For what it’s worth, though, the way he approached the conversation with you (sweeping negative statements without being willing to explain to you why he felt that way) isn’t exactly a credibility booster. He’d be more credible if he instead had talked to you about what he saw as the actual issues.

2. How can I get a job description from my boss?

I started at an entry-level position at a small, 15-person company 6 years ago. I have now earned my way up to a mid-upper level position, and our company has grown to 30 people and were bought by a larger company, so we are now one of 4 business units making up a total of 250 people.

When I started and we were a much smaller company, things were very informal, and I never had an official job description or title. In the years since, I have had several raises and 3 promotions. However, I was never told on those promotions what my title or description was. It’s just been a typical advancement of responsibilities and assignments. From talking with other employees, as well as recent new hires, this is still the norm with everyone, so it’s not just because I’m not asking. Most of us only know our title because we can log on to our HR portal and see it in our employee information.

How do I communicate to our boss that we care about this? Without knowing what my responsibilities officially are, it is very hard to gauge my own performance or get “ammo” to use for salary negotiations. I have asked before in the comments submitted along with my annual review, but I never heard anything about it.

Well, it sounds like you do have titles, since you’re finding them in your HR system. Any chance there’s a job description there too? Wouldn’t hurt to ask.

But if not, it’s reasonable to say to your boss: “In order to make sure that we’re both on the same page about what my role should be accomplishing, I’ve taken a stab at writing up a proposed job description for my role, along with my understanding of the most important things for me to achieve this year. Does this look right to you?”

In other words, the fact that your boss isn’t doing this on her own doesn’t mean that you can’t do it. Salary negotiation ammo aside, it’s in your best interest to make sure that you and your boss are both aligned about core expectations for how you’ll spend your time and what you’ll accomplish.

3. What height is too high for high heels at work?

I treated myself to the cutest pair of Miu Miu suede high heels. I tried them on and I love them, but the only problem is that they’re about 4.5 inches high (they’re platform heels, too), and I’m worried that they’ll look unprofessional at work. The dress code at work is casual, but even so, I feel these shoes might be too “night on the town” for the office. What are your thoughts? Are certain heel types/heights unprofessional?

Here’s a link to the shoes, for a clearer idea.

I think anything over 4 inches or with a noticeable platform is probably not quite as professional as you’d ideally be. I went searching to see what workplace fashion bloggers had to say about this and discovered general agreement.

4. Is this immoral?

Is it immoral for an employee who works in a resort that has a hotel facility to after her job as a waitress in the restaurant end up fraternizing with a customer who she met a week ago? She went to his room and stayed overnight and got ready the following day at the resort as waitress. How does it affect her coworkers?

It appears not to affect her coworkers at all. Why do they care? This is no one’s business.

5. A recruiter wanted to talk and then went AWOL

I was applying for jobs last week, and I had to fly back to my home state for a family emergency. I got an email from a recruiter yesterday, asking if I am available today for a phone interview, and I explained that I’ve had a family emergency and that I’m unavailable this week. I thanked him for his consideration and stated that I look forward to speaking with him on early next week, provided 3 dates and decent time range for his schedule, and asked him to advise me with the best date and time as per his schedule. I am so worried as I didn’t hear from him.

Yeah, sometimes this happens. In theory, any employer or recruiter who wants to speak with you this week should be willing to wait until next week if needed, but in practice sometimes it just doesn’t work out that way. Hell, asking to delay by a single day sometimes means you don’t end up speaking at all. Usually this is because (a) they’re disorganized and if you don’t talk to them when you’re on their mind, they’ll forget about you, (b) in the interim, they’ve talked to other good candidates and have decided they don’t need to talk to any more, or (c) they’re on a really tight timeline for some reason.

There’s not really much you can do about this. I mean, sure, you could decide that you’re going to prioritize their calls above all else in your life, but that’s probably a questionable decision and it won’t solve the problem anyway — because even if you make yourself 100% available to recruiters, some will set up a phone appointment and still not call. There’s a certain amount of chaos in the system, and you’re better off simply accepting that sometimes it just won’t work out.

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update: I’m being penalized for not participating in monthly athletic events at work

by Alison Green on July 21, 2014

Remember the letter-writer who was being penalized by her manager for not participating in monthly athletic events at work — things like 10-mile hikes, 5k runs, rock climbing, and parasailing, all in the name of “team-building”? Here’s the update.

After writing to you and your blog and seeing all the responses, I knew I needed to take some sort of action to resolve this. In February, we had our annual meeting with the head of our entire department. When she brought up how high our team scores were for the “Etc.” category of our Metrics (things like team activities and going beyond your job duties), another member of my team brought up our team activities. I was able to gather enough courage to pipe in that we got marked down for not attending these events and how taxing they could be, and I was delighted that most of my team went off on a rant about injuries, expensive clothes/shoes for the marathons, not being able to take kids to these events, etc. Apparently I was not the only one who hated these team outings, I just didn’t go along with them.

Shortly thereafter, my boss decided we would hold only a few team outings a year and they would be at a local park so friends and family could participate. I was a little disappointed to not have the issue of participation addressed but I can deal with crossing that bridge if I come to it. Thank you again for the advice!

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company scheduled a phone interview by telling me to be available “the next couple of days”

by Alison Green on July 21, 2014

A reader writes:

A company scheduled a phone interview with me by sending an email saying this: “Thank you for your interest in our company. We have received your resume for the above open position. As part of our hiring process, our interview panel will be calling you during the next couple of days. We request you to keep your mobiles/phone available to be prepared to take the phone call.”

I waited patiently for that call, but I did not get a call from them. Now I want to send an email asking for asking status of my resume and application. How do I do that?

First, it’s unreasonable for them to send you an email asking you to remain by your phone and available for their call for the next couple of days.

There’s a reason people schedule meetings and phone calls. It’s because people have other things going on in their lives. What if you’re in the shower, or eating dinner, or meeting with another employer, or sleeping, or kicking ass at Guitar Hero? What if you’re on a work call, or at a movie, or talking to your boss, or just settled in to relax in your damn hammock?

Their email was rude. It says “We want to talk to you, but it’s going to be so very much at our own convenience that we’re not even willing to commit to a time — but we want you to wait for the call to come in for days.”

And then to not even call you?

If you want to work with jackasses — and I understand that you might not have the luxury of choice in that matter — you can certainly send them an email saying something like this: “I didn’t hear from your interview panel this week, but I’m eager to talk with you about the __ role. Is there a time we might speak next week?”

But wow, they’re rude.

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the problem with “gentle reminders” — and other lesser-known email offenses you might be committing

by Alison Green on July 21, 2014

In the two decades since email began saturating most American workplaces, most people have come to agree on some basic etiquette rules, such as don’t reply-all when you don’t need to and avoid using all-caps unless you’re screaming at someone.

But there are finer points of email etiquette which aren’t as universally acknowledged but can make you as far more effective emailer. Here are five lesser known email etiquette breaches that you might still be making.

1. Waiting to respond to an email until you know the answer – even if it takes days. Here’s what this often looks like: You receive an email asking you for a specific piece of information. You won’t be able to get that information until next week, so you put the email aside until you have it. But you don’t email the sender back to let them know that that’s the situation, since you’re figuring that you’ll just respond when you have the answer they’re looking for. This is problematic, because the sender is left wondering whether you even received the message, whether you’ve forgotten about it, and what’s talking so long. In some cases, they’ll become annoyed.

Do this repeatedly, and you’ll create a reputation for yourself as slow to get back to people. The solution is easy: Send a quick email saying, “I should be able to get back to you about this by early next week.” That takes 10 seconds, and then you haven’t left anyone hanging.

2. Assuming that you don’t need to respond if you’re more junior than others receiving the email. If you’re relatively junior, this might sound familiar: A coworker sends an email to you and your boss, with a straightforward question that either of you could answer. You figure that since your boss is more senior, it’s most polite to defer to her. In reality, though, your boss might appreciate you handling the query and saving her time – and might be concerned if she notices that you never chime in when you could be fielding routine queries. This is a case of “know your manager,” of course, but if you’re unsure if your manager falls in this category, it’s worth asking.

3. Sending out “gentle reminders.” You’ve probably noticed the trend of including the phrase “gentle reminder” in the subject line of emails that are, well, reminding the recipient of something. But to many recipients, the phrase conveys, “I think you might be offended by a normal workplace interaction and so I am approaching you very gingerly.” There’s no need to announce that you’re softening the message, and that kind of tip-toeing will tick off many colleagues.

4. Responding to a serious or sensitive email with only “OK.” Sometimes answering emails with a simple “OK” is completely fine; for instance, if your coworker emails you about the new location of the copier paper, a longer reply isn’t needed. However, if your manager emails you about a problem with your work and you write back nothing more than “OK,” you’ll likely come across as inappropriately flippant or curt.

It can be especially tempting to send this two-letter reply if you’re emailing from a phone, where typing a longer reply is more difficult – but some situations warrant waiting until you’re back at a computer (or can talk in-person, which remains an option!). Emailing from a phone doesn’t absolve you of your responsibility to think about how your message will come across.

5. Sending emails that are too long or aren’t clear about what action you’re requesting. If your emailsread like a stream of consciousness or include every detail of a situation when your recipient only needs the upshot, chances are good that you’re trying people’s patience – and at this point in email’s evolution, even coming across as if you don’t understand how most use email.

Effective emails in the workplace are usually short emails – meaning just a few short paragraphs, or a bulleted list if you’re including lots of details. They’re also crystal clear about what you’d like the recipient to do (approve something/give input/take action) or whether it’s just an FYI. Bury that info, and your recipients are far less likely to do whatever it is you’re asking of them.

I originally published this at U.S. News & World Report.

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is my VP warning me about layoffs, interviewing while breast-feeding, and more

by Alison Green on July 21, 2014

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Is my VP warning me about layoffs?

I have moved into doing internal communications with our organization, among my other duties, so sometimes the VP of our department sends me information for our intranet to write up. 

She shared an email recently about a hiring freeze that only went to leadership and wanted something written for everyone in the company to see about saving money while traveling for business. That wasn’t too out of the ordinary, so I wrote what she wanted and went on with my day. However, today she sent me a meeting invite titled “[Department] Staffing” that was meant to go to a VP that deals with HR and Administration. It didn’t have any other details outside of the title and who was invited. Not long after that, she cancelled the meeting. It was clearly not intended for me to receive and appeared to be about a topic that would potentially impact jobs in my department.

We have already had raises delayed a few months, so are layoffs next? Is she subconsciously warning me my job is in jeopardy, or am I reading too much into this? I have only been here one year and worry it’ll be “last one in, first one out” if push comes to shove.

If she’s the sort of person who likes to communicate in elaborate clues, I suppose it’s possible, but I think you’re probably reading too much into that specific email. That would be a really weird way to give you a tip-off. That said, if your company is struggling financially, you don’t need a signal from your manager to tell you that it’s possible layoffs could be coming and should probably be proceeding on the assumption that that’s the case.

2. Another company told me my employee applied for a job with them

I had a meeting yesterday with an IT company that wants me to outsource my In house IT person and contract with them. During the meeting they told me that I should be aware that my In house IT person had submitted his resume to their company and requested an interview. Therefore, I should expedite our association accordingly. I don’t doubt they are telling the truth. I had already planned to follow the outsource course of action. However, their tattling left a bad taste in my mouth. Are there any laws against that sort of thing or is that just bad form?

Wow. It’s not illegal, but it’s an incredibly crappy thing to do. For all they know, they’ve just put that guy’s job at risk (and it doesn’t matter if they’re planning to hire him, since they have no idea if he’d accept their offer). I strongly, strongly urge you to tell them that you’re disgusted that they’d violate someone’s privacy and jeopardize his livelihood that way, and that you won’t do business with them as a result.

3. All-day interviews when you’re breastfeeding

I have recently been asked to go for a second interview to my dream job. It’s wonderful news (thanks in great part to your good advice!), but the interview is a whole day affair with people at two sites, including the president and VP, who need to sign off on whoever gets hired for this position, though I won’t ever be interacting with them directly.

I’m a new mom with a 3-month-old and I exclusively breastfeed. In order to keep my milk supply up, I will need to pump at least every 3 hours and find a private place to do so (not to mention hauling the pumping equipment all day and between the two sites, something which will leave me looking less than professional!).

The admin assistant who is scheduling the interview contacted me today and asked me to respond to her about which dates I can do for the interview. Help! How do I handle this?

Be straightfoward! Explain the situation to the person who’s scheduling the interview, and ask if they can schedule a X-minute break for you every three hours for pumping. If they don’t react well to that, it’s far better to find that out now than to discover after you’re working for them that it’s not a friendly environment for working parents, and new moms in particular.

4. Interviewing with a brain injury

I have an interview for a job I’m really excited about next week at a really great nonprofit. I’m preparing for it like crazy, but I’m not sure how to handle my recent brain injury in the interview. I had a bike accident where I broke my elbow and got a really good concussion. It was a few weeks ago and I’m totally capable of doing the job I’m interviewing for now, but there’s still some lingering things that might make the interview awkward. I can’t shake hands with my right hand, and while I offer people my left hand, it definitely creates a weird moment right away. I also have trouble recalling specific words (like saying “blood tubes” instead of “capillaries”), and substitute words without noticing it (“vanilla” instead of “soda”). It takes me a second to translate thoughts to words, and I worry that it comes off as nervousness or incompetence. The symptoms are supposed to get better over time and be mostly to completely gone six months from now.

I know these things aren’t related to the function of the job, but they definitely can make me look like a less strong candidate or just foolish. But if one of the first things I tell interviewers is that I’m recovering from a brain injury, I worry that they’ll see me as an invalid, not as a viable candidate.

It’s definitely more of an accommodating work environment, from what I can tell. The person who called to offer me an interview briefed me on her organization’s interview dynamics and was very eager to make sure the interview date/time/location worked for me. So should I power through and maybe embarrass myself, or should I tell them and have them potentially pity me?

With any kind of disability, when you’re concerned an interviewer is going to notice symptoms and attribute it to the wrong cause, I’m a big fan of just explaining the situation up-front. That way, they know what’s going on without assuming something worse, and you don’t have the anxiety of wondering what they’re thinking about it.

So I’d tell them. But I wouldn’t do it on the spot in the interview, since that can sometimes feel awkward; instead, explain it to the person you’ve been talking to there (the one who called you) ahead of time. I’d say something like this: “I want to let you know that I’m still feeling the after-effects of a concussion from a bike accident a few weeks ago, since there are some things you might notice and wonder about otherwise! I’m not able to shake hands with my right hand yet, and my brain is occasionally substituting the wrong words, or it might take me an extra few seconds to start speaking! My doctor is confident this will all go away in a few months, but I wanted to give you a heads-up in case anyone I speak with notices it.” Good luck!

5. Should I contact someone else when the recruiter is on vacation?

I have taken the first steps towards what would be a dream job. I had a successful initial interview with an internal recruiting manager and was given a mock project to complete. Once I submitted this, he followed up to let me know that he should have feedback/next steps in the upcoming week.

After the full week passed, I did not hear back so I wrote a brief, enthusiastic follow-up this Monday. I instantly received his out-of-office message saying he will be out on vacation for two weeks. He left two points of contact: a coordinator for rescheduling interviews and also his supervisor for urgent matters. I certainly know this is not urgent and that I do not have an interview. In this situation, is it out of line or over-eager to reach out to the coordinator?

If it makes a difference, I noticed that yesterday the man who would be my boss viewed my LinkedIn profile. Should I just have faith that the process is moving along and try and relax?

Yes.

Yes, it would be overkill to reach out to the coordinator (since the recruiter’s out-of-office message only said to contact the coordinator if you need to reschedule an interview). And yes, you should assume that they’ll contact you if they want to talk to you. The best thing you can do now is to put it out of your mind and move on.

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