Ask a Manager

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Was my coworker’s email meant to be an insult?

I am a fairly young mid-twenties communications person who writes many press releases for my organization and partner organizations. I’m used to getting feedback, criticism, and even heavy editing on the pieces I write for public distribution.

However, last week a man I work with occasionally added the following line to a pretty standard email with feedback on an article I’d written: “I hope this has been a humbling experience for you.”

I wasn’t sure what to make of it, as all of the changes and corrections to the piece were pretty typical and not huge glaring problems with my writing. I have never met him in person and I have only exchanged brief emails with him. After reading his email, I reviewed all of my messages to the team to see if I had given off the impression that I needed to be “humbled”…I didn’t think so, mostly I just attached the article and asked for feedback and corrections from the group.

I always explicitly ask for and appreciate constructive feedback on my work. Was his comment just meant to be condescending? Was he just trying to reinforce the age/experience dynamic? Should I have been offended? Should I write it off and forget it? Ask him if I offended him in some way or came off as arrogant and in need of humble pie?

That’s such an obnoxious thing to say that it’s hard to think it could really be about you at all — it’s got to be about him. I’d write it off to him being a blowhard or a jerk. If, by some small chance, he’s known in your office as a kind and polite person (which I highly doubt is the case), you could certainly follow up with him and say something like, “I wasn’t sure what you meant the other day when you said that you hoped your edits were humbling for me.” But it’s far more likely that he’s just a pompous jackass and his email reflects that.

2. I don’t want to share a bedroom with male coworkers

I work for an energy drinks company and we regularly do overnight stays in hotels, or if we’re in one place for a long time, we rent a house. We are usually expected to share a room with a workmate of our own gender, which is fine. But at an upcoming work trip, I am being asked to share a room with multiple men. Being female and having the possibility of my period, I’m obviously not happy about this. Is there a UK law regarding this? Am I within my rights to demand my own room or a room with just women?

I’m in the U.S. and don’t know what UK laws are (but would be surprised if there were a law about something like this). But regardless of the law, it’s perfectly reasonable to say, “I’m not comfortable sharing a bedroom with men. I’ll need a different room and would be happy to share with another woman.”

3. Am I obligated to apply to this job?

A former contractor at my company has taken a regular position at another company in the same general field, a place where we have various ties / former companies in common—there is a lot of flow, over time, in this industry, and personal relationships can be very important. This colleague and I worked well together and attained friendly relations via telephone (we are both remote workers), and she is aware of a recent change in my department that makes the future of my own position somewhat uncertain (this is a whole other situation, but I’m dealing with it using some of your posted advice!). She knows that I am not actively seeking a new job, but could be open to new, better opportunities and may in fact need to job-search sometime in the not-too-distant future.

Last week my colleague phoned me and asked for me to email her a copy of my C.V., because her company was “interested.” I did so, thinking that this was an informal, let’s-get-acquainted situation, but then she emailed me, saying that I needed to file an online application with the company “to move things along.” The trouble is, I do not want to officially apply for a job right now—there are none in my area posted on their website, and I had thought that her request for my C.V. meant that they might be considering me in a general, strategic way (I am senior in my job function and am not looking for a generic position). Because alternate jobs in my industry are, by definition, jobs with competing companies, being “out” as a job searcher is a pretty major step. I like my current job very much, aside from the uncertain future, and definitely don’t want to risk it, except for a very clear and attractive prospect.

I don’t want to insult my former colleague or burn any bridges, but I guess I misinterpreted the meaning of “send us your C.V.”—am I now obligated to file a full application with this company? What is the professional etiquette for this situation?

You’re definitely not obligated to apply. I’d say something like this to your colleague: “I’d want to learn more about what role you had in mind before formally applying. I’m not actively looking and am happy at (current company), but I’m open to talking if there’s a good fit. Is there a good time for us to jump on the phone so I can learn more about what you were thinking of?”

4. My company wants to make me non-exempt, but I think they’re wrong

I have been at my job for ten years now. With the new minimum wage, my company has decided that I should be non-exempt instead of exempt, which I have been since day one. They say it’s because I don’t hire or fire, which is a condition of being exempt. But when I did some research, there is a lot more language attached which I feel clearly puts me at exempt under the administrative exemption, which they had not even studied. Then they say, “Well, you create, manage, and advise on budgets but you are not responsible for the budgets to balance.” Then I say, “Well, my position requires my discretion, expertise, and I must ensure contract compliance a majority part of my time.” Under these facts would you consider my position exempt?

I have no way of telling from this whether your position should be exempt or not — but it’s really up to your company if they want to treat you as non-exempt. They can’t treat you as exempt when your position meets the requirements for a non-exempt one — but they can absolutely do the reverse and treat you as non-exempt. Non-exempt means that you’re not exempt from the federal Fair Labor Standards Act, and that you’re therefore required to be paid overtime (time and a half) for all hours worked over 40 in a given week. That’s generally a good thing, not a bad one. If they want to make you eligible for overtime, why not embrace it?

The downside, of course, is that you could be paid less in weeks where you work less (although many companies won’t do that, particularly in professional environments). But ultimately, if your company wants to treat you as non-exempt, they can do that (as long as they’re consistent about it and don’t change it from one pay period to the next as it suits them).

5. Applications want my supervisors’ titles, but they didn’t have titles

It seems that in addition to a resume, many places are requiring an online application, where a common fill-in-the-blank is “supervisor’s title.” But what do you put if you’ve worked in private residences as a domestic worker, personal assistant, etc., and your boss has no title? Is it a big deal to leave this section blank?

No, it’s totally fine to leave it blank. If it won’t let you, you could put Owner or Manager (and they were a manager in respect to you, so it’s not totally inaccurate), but it’s not a big deal either way.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Coworker keeps calling me a silly nickname, even though I asked him to stop

We have a new employee that started in our safety office. My name is Linda, but he has started calling me “Lindog.” From the first time he called me that, I asked him to stop. I’m 54 and he’s 22, but we are peers. I have tried to relax when he calls me that, but Friday was so embarrassing when another employee heard it and snickered covering his face and whispered “Lindog” as they left the building. I finally wrote him to stop and spoke to my boss to gain a different perspective and see if I may be being to sensitive and should relax. My two sons, husband, and boss felt it was disrespectful and now this guy is not speaking to me and his boss has decided to ignore me too. It seems I have created a bigger problem. Should have let him continue calling me this? I’m confused. Any wisdom to help an uncomfortable situation?

I don’t know that the nickname itself was rude when he first used it — some people are nicknamers, and it’s more likely to be a sign of friendliness than anything else. But it’s rude to continuing calling someone something after they ask you to stop, so he’s absolutely in the wrong for not stopping once you asked him to — and the whispering and snickering with the coworker is rude too. That said, your best bet is probably to let it go at this point — he’s already shown that you disliking it isn’t going to make him stop, and I think you’ll come across as overly focused on it if you keep complaining. Can you try reframing it in your mind as a friendly, albeit misplaced, gesture? And honestly, if you can pull it off, giving him a nickname too (in a friendly way, not a hostile way) might defuse the whole thing.

2. My boss isn’t doing his work and it’s impacting me

I am an entry-level graphic designer at a small tech company. Part of my job is answering phones and emails, interacting with customers, and following up on projects that the rest of the team is working on. My boss, the owner, is the senior designer but doesn’t handle much design work anymore. (I began this position last year when he was working full time – now he works two or three days a week.)

Recently, I’ve had problems with my boss not taking responsibility for the work he’s supposed to be doing. For example, a client we’ve worked with before specifically asked to work with him. I gave my boss the project outline, and he said he’d call her later that day. Four days later, she called and accused me of never forwarding her request to him – he had never called her back as he said he would. This was embarrassing on my end and made me look like a fool. Other examples include not meeting project deadlines and giving out the wrong quotes – and expecting me to handle our clients’ negative reactions. This has happened on several occasions in the past month. I’ve begun following up with him to see if he has followed through with projects. The response is something like “I’ll get to it later” and “Just focus on your projects.” His behavior is making me look bad, and it’s hurting our business. I have spoken to coworkers about this, but it’s not really affecting them much, so they don’t see it as a major problem. How can I approach my boss about this without stepping outside my bounds? Or is this something I should let go?

Well, it sounds like you’ve tried and have been rebuffed. Your boss has pretty clearly told you that he want to handle this stuff (or not handle it, more accurately) on his own, and that he doesn’t see it as your role to follow up on this type of thing. Ultimately, that’s his prerogative, even if it hurts his business.

Read an update to this letter here.

3. I’m not getting the training I was promised when I took this job

The description of the city job I applied for (and was hired for) stated that I must be certified in two areas within one year. These are certifications that the city pays for. However, after starting the job and having now been with them for 6 months I see that not one single person in my department has been to ANY training nor do they posses any of the certifications (no wonder things are a mess) and it doesnt look good for the future.

One of the reasons I accepted this position was to have access to this training. I want to become further educated, I want to have the knowledge and skills to do my job at a higher level. If I could afford to pay for the training and time off of work I would. (By the way, these are short and fairly inexpensive schools.)

When I have mentioned this to my manager and director I was told “down the road, in the future, one of these days we will get ‘everyone’ certified,” etc. How do I approach this topic with my boss? I am thinking of writing a formal letter requesting training. I know this will see like a bit of a jab to her but I am really serious.

Unless you’re in a remarkably formal environment, writing a formal letter about this would be weird. Instead, just address it face-to-face: “One of things that drew me to this job was the ability to do these trainings. I’m getting the sense that it’s not something that will definitely be happening in the foreseeable future. Is there any way around that? I’d really like to do these courses.”

4. Should I mention that I spent a few hours with the hiring contact a few years ago?

A job I want at a small college library has come up, and I realized I recognize the name of the person the application documents are to be addressed to. She’s someone I shadowed for an assignment while I was in grad school (our interactions come down to an email and chatting for three hours during her evening shift three years ago). I don’t know if she’d remember me, and I’m not sure if it’s helpful or relevant to include in a cover letter that we met previously. If I make it to the interview level, would mentioning it help me be memorable or would it be out of left field? The fact that I gained the degree doesn’t push me above any other applicants, since it’s one of the base requirements, but the fact that I shadowed her before might make it obvious that I’ve always been interested in working in an academic library in a small college. If you were me, would you mention it in the cover letter, during an interview, or not at all?

There’s no harm in mentioning it. I wouldn’t do it in your application, since the extent of your acquaintance isn’t significant enough to warrant space in your cover letter, but after you apply, send her an email letting her know that you did, reminding her who you are, and telling her how much you appreciated her help a few years ago.

5. Job searching when I’m going to need time off for a honeymoon and surgery

I’m about halfway through a 6-month contract at a major university, which will end on September 10. It’s a maternity leave replacement, and I have every reason to expect that the woman I’m replacing will return at the end of her mat leave. I’ve already asked my boss if it would be okay for me to go to a few interviews in the last 3-4 weeks of the contract, and she’s agreed so long as I give her advance notice, so normally everything would be fine.

Here’s the rub: I’m getting married on October 26, taking a honeymoon until November 5, and at some as-yet-unscheduled time in November I will probably be having minor surgery that will require me to take about 4 days off work for the initial recovery. Obviously this is quite a lot of time to take off at a very new job — about 12 working days in a short period of time, when I’d only have started a month or two before.

I’m trying to figure out if there’s any way to negotiate so much time off at a new job during the hiring process, or whether it would just be better to wait until November and start job hunting after all the craziness dies down. I’d rather not set myself up for two months (at least!) of unemployment, but I’m not sure if it would come off as naive to tell a potential new boss, “By the way, I need 2-3 weeks of unpaid time off in my first few months.”

It’s true that 2-3 weeks of time off in your first few months is a lot, but you have pretty understandable circumstances: getting married and having surgery. I’d go ahead and job search now. If you get an offer, explain this situation and try to negotiate the time as part of the offer. Worst case scenario is that they don’t agree and you’re stuck job-searching when you get back — but that’s the other option here anyway, so you have nothing to lose.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. I give off nervous, desperate energy in interviews

I got told I am giving off a “nervous energy” and coming off too desperate in interviews. I asked a recruiter I am working with and they said I am calling a lot and it comes off as desperate and anxious and that I should dial back the nervous energy and that I tend to talk too fast, ramble on and go all over the place, go off on tangents and not stick to my point. How can I improve this about myself and not give off this nervous energy? I think they are right because I am working on myself in general and I notice I get very impatient and interrupt people too much because I am too impatient to say what I want to say.

It’s hard to change the type of energy you give off, but it’s pretty easy to change specific actions. Since you’re calling too much, stop the calls. (In fact, why are you calling at all? They’ll contact you if they want to get in touch.) Since you know you interrupt, get more vigilant about stopping that (you can control this if you truly believe you need to). And since you’re talking too fast and rambling, that’s something you can practice getting better at — sit down with a list of common interview questions (and throw in some weird ones too for variety) and give yourself 90 seconds to answer them. Time yourself. Keep practicing until you get better at it.

You can change all of this stuff if you really resolve to. And I think once you do, the overall feel of your energy will change too.

2. Should my old boss have input into my evaluation now that we’re peers?

I was recently promoted and assigned to a new project that will be implementing new policies, processes, and procedures for our company. Previously, these tasks were the responsibility of my former boss. My new role has resulted in us now being on the same level, but with me being more involved in the ongoing decisions and at the same time defining the future processes. As would be expected, my former boss is clearly apprehensive about what this means about his future at the company. He has directly asked me how my role affects him. I also suspect, although cannot confirm, that my former boss applied for the same position I did, but for which I was selected instead.

Our boss (we both report to the same person) has stated that since the promotion happened so close to the review time, my former boss would be doing part of my performance review. My concern is that I may not receive an impartial review if my former boss holds any resentment or concern that his job may be eliminated. What, if any, recourse do I have regarding this?

It’s reasonable for the person who was your boss for most of the the review period to have input into your review. However, if you’re genuinely concerned that he’ll be biased against you because of his essential demotion and your promotion, one option is to discreetly talk to your new boss. I’d say something like, “I’ve gotten the sense that Bob is apprehensive about what these changes mean for him, and I’m a little worried about how that might show up in my evaluation.”

3. Interviewer told me it’s “common practice” to let your current manager be called for a reference

I interviewed last week for a federal government position that I’m really interested in. The federal application site has a section that you can check if you don’t want your current supervisor contacted, which, of course, I checked. The interviewer mentioned this and asked for his contact information and I was sort of caught of guard and said I’d email her later.

As soon as I got back to my computer, I looked up your previous advice and determined that I would not give her my current supervisor, but would provide all my previous supervisors and make that clear. I wrote that I did not want to jeopardize my current position by letting my current supervisor know I’m job searching and provided for her a list of references — all previous managers and indicated I could provide others as well if needed.

She called me today to ask why I wouldn’t want to have my current supervisor contacted since that was “common practice” and why I felt like my job would be in jeopardy if I let them know I was job searching — as if she suspected that I was already in jeopardy of losing my job. I said something like I don’t know what they’d do with that information, but my understanding was it was common practice in the private sector not to contact current supervisors without a job offer. I said if it was absolutely necessary I would talk to my supervisor but it was my preference not to.

I feel like my refusal to jeopardize my current job has just taken me out of the running for this one and I’m just so confused about this one. Your previous advice seemed to indicate that most hiring managers would understand not contacting the current supervisor, but I think she thinks I’m hiding something by refusing. What could I have done differently in this situation?

This is probably about the fact that she’s in the federal government, where this isn’t as much of a big deal — but she appears to have no understanding of how this works outside the federal government, where it is indeed normal to ask that your current employer not be alerted that you’re job-searching. I’m not sure if you have any hope of convincing her since doesn’t sound all that open to hearing that she’s wrong, but you could try saying, “My experience in the private sector has always been that current employers are rarely contacted, since so many employers push employees out if they learn they’re job searching. I realize that’s different than in government.”

4. Telling a student worker that she’s dressing inappropriately

I manage student workers in a college setting with no formal dress code. Our employee manual asks us to dress neatly, cleanly, and appropriately. The informal one we seem to follow that I have picked up on is no very short shorts or skirts, and little to no cleavage. I really have no desire to create a dress code for my 2 student workers!

I have a student who dresses borderline inappropriately, but I need help to figure out how to talk to her about it. I am pretty sure it is because a) she has never worked in an office before and b) she does not really notices subtleties of the things around her. She also does not have very much money. Today she is wearing really short shorts, and she is tall and has a lot of leg, so it is pretty noticeable and I really struggle with saying things that are clear (she doesn’t pick up subtleties like how big my eyes got when I saw her) but don’t sound mean or embarrassing to her.

The easiest way to handle this would be to give your student workers a dress code. By doing that, you’ll less frequently be in a position of having to make individual, case by case judgments. Write up a simple dress code (no short skirts or shirts, no visible cleavage, etc.), and then send it around to them with a request that they follow it from now on. Then, if they don’t, you can point to the dress code and ask them to comply with it.

It sounds like you don’t want to give them a dress code out of a concern that it’s too heavy-handed, but workplace dress codes are really pretty normal — and are often kinder than leaving people to figure it out without guidance. Since it’s clear that there are things that aren’t acceptable there, why not spell those things out for people?

But if you’re adamantly opposed to that, then sit down with her and say, “I want to talk to you about our dress code. The employee manual leaves it pretty vague, so it can be hard to figure out. Basically, it means no short shorts or skirts — just above the knee is fine, but no higher — and no low-cut shirts. If you’re ever unsure, just ask — I know figuring this stuff out when you’re first in the work world isn’t always straightforward.”

5. My interviewer wasn’t there when I arrived so I interviewed with someone else

The person I was suppose to interview with called in sick (nobody called me) and I showed up and had to interview with someone that did not have a clue about the position. How do I request another interview with the correct person?

Send an email saying something like this: “I really appreciated the opportunity to talk with Jane yesterday. She was able to tell me a great deal about X and Y but less about the teapot cleaner position itself. I’d love the opportunity to reschedule with Bob if it’s convenient for him — I’m looking forward to talking in more detail about how I’d approach the teapot role.”

That said, be aware that ultimately they might not choose to reschedule it — because they trust the person you met with to make decisions, or because they’re moving forward with other candidates, or because they’re just disorganized. But if you get offered a job with them, you can certainly ask to meet with the person you’d be reporting to and ask questions of them then.