can this dysfunctional organization be saved?

by Alison Green on June 30, 2014

A reader writes:

I recently took a job at a large nonprofit. The org does very good work on the ground, and helps a lot of people. I was hired as the fundraiser, and they were really looking for someone who could help shift organizational culture. (I have about 14 years of experience as a fundraising director, and I’ve done some successful culture-building in the past). There weren’t many red flags during the interview, everyone seemed very open and responsive and framed the organization (and their management style) in a very positive light.

I have only been in the role for about a month and a half, but the org’s challenges are so immense I am freaking out – because I cannot figure out where to start.

The CEO and the head financial guy are both from the government, and this was their first job after 20-30 years in state department/military. The culture is one of a huge, slow moving dinosaur. There is no management or basic accountability, because the CEO believes that “people working at this level should be able to handle their workload” and refuses to manage. Every task we try to do involves creating a half a dozen processes, work plans, and flow charts, but nothing really seems to get done. The CEO is a classic “wimp” example from your book – scared of confrontation, tries to make every decision collaboratively, and there is zero accountability. Everyone is super busy trying to manage their “workload” that is mostly extra bureaucracy… for example, the agency’s work plan has 59 objectives. Most of them should be basic responsibilities of team members, but because there is no trust between the Exec team and the rest of central office, they have created an independent “project management team” for each objective – which means we now have 59 concurrently running project management teams, 42 of which are supposed to be led by the CEO. There is no willingness to prioritize or make tough decisions. On my first day working with an HR clerk, I made the comment about a situation that would lead to being fired, and she gasped, looked at me like I had said something shocking, and said “we don’t ever fire people here!”

The other very obvious issue is that everyone is unhappy. In my many meet-and-greet one on ones with team members, all but two people spent half of the meeting bitching about each other, even when I tried to redirect the conversation. Every discussion of a challenge or core departmental function turns into “this is all Jane’s fault, because she won’t talk to us about our teapot production budgets” or other fingerpointing. When I met with the board chair over lunch, my first question was “tell my why you chose to get involved with Chocolate Teapots” and his response was “because they needed a consultant to fire that idiot in HR, which they never did. God he’s such a jerk…” For a bunch of people who claim to be really busy, the staff sure spends a lot of time complaining/talking about how busy they are/inventing meaningless work/talking about how smart and successful they are. The organization is deeply, fundamentally broken. When I asked a colleague why everyone blew sunshine up my rear during my interview questions, she said “because we were so desperate to get you to accept the position, you’re so smart and we need you so badly!” which… is not good.

But here I am. I am not sure where to start, but while I am here I should try. I need to build some stability on my resume, and the pay is terrific, so I don’t want to run away screaming just yet. I thought about sitting down with the CEO and very gently talking about how the basic management and accountability could change the org. I thought about asking him or the executive team to read your book – which I love, and refer to all the time – to help kick off the conversation. Maybe hiring a good consultant is a better option? Maybe there are other books or resources I should read about organizational development?

Any advice on what to do when the problem feels so overwhelming?

Oooooof.

I would love to tell you that a conversation with the CEO — or even a series of conversations — could change this. Or that a consultant could. I would really like to tell you that my book could. But what you’re describing is an organization and leadership so fundamentally flawed that any changes you’re likely to get would be incremental and not change the core problems you’ve described.

You have 59 project management teams.

You have an HR person who gasped at the thought of a hypothetical firing.

You have a board chair who sees the problems but doesn’t bother to act.

You have a CEO who won’t manage.

The job you thought you were accepting was a mirage deliberately created by the people who you’re now supposed to trust as coworkers.

You can’t change this. You can only remove yourself from it.

I’m sorry — I know that’s not the answer you wanted to hear. But this kind of thing only gets fixed from the top, and the top isn’t interested in changing.

Read an update to this letter here.

You may also like:
{ 177 comments }

4 things your company might tell you that simply aren’t true

by Alison Green on June 30, 2014

While it would be nice to think that managers are always 100% truthful and accurate when talking to employees, the reality is that managers sometimes say things that aren’t quite true. Sometimes this is because they’ve been misinformed and don’t actually know the correct information, but sometimes it’s because it’s easier to shade the truth.

Here are four things that managers often tell their workers – but which just aren’t true.

1. “You can’t discuss your pay with your coworkers.”

Fact: Companies regularly tell employees that they’re not permitted to discuss their pay with each other. But this is a direct violation of the National Labor Relations Act, which says that employers cannot prevent employees from discussing wages among themselves. The law, which protects employees’ ability to organize and collectively bargain, reasons that employees wouldn’t be able to organize if they were forbidden from talking with each other about pay or other working conditions. (One important note here is that the prohibition on banning salary discussions doesn’t cover every employee; it exempts management-level employees, but the vast majority of workers are covered.)

2. “I can’t let you do ____ because then I’d have to let everyone else do it too.”

Fact: You might have heard a statement like this if you’ve asked your manager to let you telecommute, leave early every Friday, or otherwise do something outside your office norms. The reality, though, is that managers generally do have leeway to approve special arrangements for one person that they don’t approve for everyone else – and they’ll often bend in areas like these in order to keep a great employee happy. What your manager might really be saying with this line is “I’m only willing to go so far to make you happy, and this is past that line.”

That said, there are times when “if I let you do it, I’d have to let everyone else do it too” can be true. While no law prohibits managers from giving special privileges to top performers or even just to their personal favorites, it isillegal to dole out privileges based on protected classes like race, religion, sex, or ethnicity. So some employers are hesitant to grant special privileges in case a pattern emerges in who does and doesn’t receive those privileges, which can trigger concerns about this type of illegal discrimination.

3. “You have to resign.”

Fact: Your employer can fire you, but they can’t force you to resign if you don’t want to. That decision is yours. If you refuse to resign, you might get fired – but some employees prefer that, since it often preserves their eligibility for unemployment benefits. Of course, some employees do prefer to resign when given the choice, to avoid having a firing in their job history. But that’s not always the advantage it might appear to be on the surface, since most interviewers are going to be curious about why you quit your job without another position lined up and will assume that something happened that led to your separation.

If your employer does push you to resign, realize that they’re asking you to do something for them, which means that you have some negotiating power and can consider negotiating things like severance and what your company will tell future reference-checkers.

4. “Sign this document, but don’t worry – we don’t really enforce it.”

Fact: If someone tells you not to worry about what you’re signing, that’s a flag that you should read more closely, not less! If your employer truly had no intention of ever enforcing a signed agreement, they wouldn’t be asking for it in the first place. That doesn’t mean that they’re intentionally trying to hoodwink you; they might simply not foresee the situations that would make the document relevant in the future.

In any case, don’t believe assurances that a signed document isn’t ever going to be used against you. Once you sign, it doesn’t matter what you were told or how much the significance of the agreement was downplayed – it’s a binding legal document, and you can be held to it.

I originally published this at U.S. News & World Report.

You may also like:
{ 72 comments }

my boss told me not to say I lead the team, is my manager blogging at work, and more

by Alison Green on June 30, 2014

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My boss told me not to say I “lead” the team, even though I do

This is my first management position, which I’ve been in for about 6 months, and I’ve tried to mind the new social responsibilities that come with the position (understanding that everything I say will be examined under a microscope, at least more so than when I was in a non-manager position, etc). So I’m wondering if maybe this is just another rule I wasn’t yet aware of, or if I’m in fact being given odd advice.

I will be giving a talk at a company off-site meeting in a couple weeks, consisting of about 200 attendees. As part of our preparation, all speakers at this event are required to practice their talk twice in front of some coworkers. Yesterday was my first practice session, which included my boss in the audience. I began my talk introducing myself like so: “Hi, I’m Wakeen, and I lead the Ceramic Team here at Teapots Inc.” After the talk, my boss privately mentioned to me that he prefers I introduce myself as “on the Ceramic team” as opposed to “lead the Ceramic team”.

As a woman in a male-dominated industry, I worry that introducing myself as “on” the team is going to read as me not speaking confidently about myself and my position. Even disregarding the gender aspect, if anyone introduced themselves to me as “on” a team, and then I later found out that they were the manager, I would find that slightly odd. For whatever it’s worth, about two-thirds or so of the off-site attendees will already know me, so there will be a decent amount of people for whom this is my first introduction.

Does it sound arrogant to introduce myself as “leading” the team? Should I indeed say “on” instead? Or perhaps there’s a more elegant alternative altogether? I could say I “manage” the team, but I worried that was a little too stuffy for an audience where some people will already know me. Lastly, if “lead” was indeed a gaffe, was it big enough that I should apologize to the team directly? They were also in attendance at the practice talk.

Just to be clear, you do actually lead the team, right? If so, this is baffling; it’s totally normal to introduce yourself that way, and it’s the most straightforward way to communicate your role. So I’d go back to your boss and try to get a better understanding of where he’s coming from. I’d say, “After we talked the other day, I realized I wasn’t totally clear about why you suggested not saying I lead the Ceramic team, and I wondered what felt off about that to you.”

It’s possible that your boss just has weird sensitivities around this for reasons that aren’t about you, and if it’s just a bizarre eccentricity, that’s good to know about. But if there’s something else going on here, you want to know that too.

2. Should I mention that my manager seems to be blogging during the workday?

The assistant superintendent at my workplace seems well-liked by the superintendent, but she is generally disliked by everyone else. She claims to be very busy, but I recently discovered (during off-hours, online sleuthing) that she maintains a blog. The posts are relatively long and detailed. For the most part, blog updates appear to be posted during work hours.

I understand that this could be explained in that she does most of the writing at home and does the posting/finalizing during a break, but I strongly suspect she is doing much of the writing at work. Her breaks are not at set times, so it’s difficult to prove. Is this worth bringing up to anyone? Should I just keep a record of the post dates and times in case it becomes important? I know I sound malicious; she has a good chance of promotion when our superintendent leaves, and I fear this will have disastrous consequences for the whole organization.

Is she writing inappropriate things about work? If not, this really isn’t your business and there’s nothing to report. Blog posts can be set in advance to automatically publish at certain times (I set all mine to auto-publish the day before, and sometimes even earlier); there’s no reason to assume she’s not doing the same.

3. Should I warn my coworker that he shouldn’t apply for my job?

I am leaving my job, and there is a rumor that a colleague in a different office in the org. is being considered as a replacement. I think he would be great in this position. He is very capable and creative. Even so, I feel like I should warn him about the position. He and I both experience similar frustrations in our jobs (lack of money, autonomy, staff resources, etc), and I don’t think my job is going to give him the move up he is wanting.

I don’t know him that well, but I really want to tell him, “Look, you’ll be great at this job, but it will provide the same frustrations you have now. If you’re fine with that, make sure you ask for more money and at least one more FTE for you to make it worth your while.” Would it be appropriate to send him a warning?

It sounds like the two of you have talked about his work frustrations in the past, so it wouldn’t be weird to tip him off to this kind of thing. And even if I’m interpreting that wrong and you haven’t talked about it, there’s nothing wrong with offering to talk about the job with him and tell him the good and the bad (which every job has, after all).

However, when you say “send,” I assume you’re talking about email — in which case, no, don’t do that. That isn’t a conversation for email. Talk in person.

4. Should I use vacation time for my last few days at work?

I’ve given notice at my job. I gave about 3.5 weeks, and now I’m am struggling to stay motivated. I have a bit of vacation that I could use (it would just be paid out if I don’t use it), so that I could take of the last day or two of work. I’m so tempted, but would it be a mistake?

You’d need to clear it with your manager in advance, and many companies have policies that prohibit using vacation time during your last few weeks of work — they want you there to assist with the transition, which is what notice periods are there for. If you’re leaving things in good shape and your manager is fine with you taking those days, there’s no inherent reason not to — but I wouldn’t assume that your manager won’t mind, since in many jobs (where transition time is important), that request would understandably be turned down.

5. Did I mishandle phone tag with an employer?

I’m in my mid 20’s and have been rather lucky getting jobs so far. So I’m not that strong on interview etiquette, especially on returning phone calls. (And it doesn’t help that phoning people is a very strong trigger for my anxiety.) During my last (unsuccessful) job search, over a year ago, I was contacted for an interview. The person left a message on my answering machine. And I phoned back and left a “hi, this is (my name) returning your call” message. I think it was a day later and a few phone calls (spaced at least an hour a part) later I left another message, letting the person know I would be at home for the rest of the day, and to call when it was convenient for them (it wouldn’t have sounded or worded this calm, and I was nervous and stressed at the time). Of course they didn’t, but I did finally get into contact with this person. But I realize (and did so soon after leaving the message) that what I said was the wrong thing to say/do.

What is your suggestion for situations like this? Is there any way to prevent “phone tag” from happening on the applicant’s end? (I had a really hard time getting into touch with this person, which is mostly understandable, as they have a lot of responsibilities, but it was very frustrating.)

I’m not sure what you think was wrong with your message; it sounds pretty normal to me. If anything here was wrong, it was the multiple phone calls an hour apart — that’s a little too much, and in the days of Caller ID can rub people the wrong way. But phone tag is sometimes a normal part of this, just like it’s a normal thing when you’re trying to get in touch with anyone, in a business context or a personal one. You call, you leave a message saying you’re eager to talk to them, you tell them when they’re most likely to be able to reach you (offering as a wide a block as you can), and you hope you manage to connect. Sometimes it ends up not happening, but that’s not really within your control.

Read an update to this letter here.

You may also like:
{ 264 comments }

Sunday books and free-for-all – June 29, 2014

by Alison Green on June 29, 2014

lucyIt’s the Sunday free-for-all, with a literary twist.

I thought I’d try making this one book-themed, although it’s also open for anything else non-work-related that you’d like to discuss.

For those wanting to do the book angle, here are two questions to start you off:
1. What are you currently reading (or just finished)?
2. What one book do you recommend everyone else read, and why?

You may also like:
{ 758 comments }

staying with friends when traveling for an interview, job was mysteriously canceled, and more

by Alison Green on June 28, 2014

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Staying with friends when an employer flies me out for an interview

I recently had a great phone interview for a position half way across the country, and will be flying out there in a few weeks for an in-person interview. I have some close friends in the area that I almost never see. I was planning on staying with these friends, but I failed to mention to it to the company and I realized when they sent my flight confirmation they had also booked me a hotel. Would it be ok to tell the company I won’t need the hotel room? On one hand, I could save them some money, but on the other I’m worried about it looking like I’m using the interview as a vacation.

It’s totally fine to tell them that you’ve arranged to stay with friends while you’re there and thus won’t need the room. Unless you’re dealing with an incredibly kooky employer, it won’t cross their minds that you’re just trying to get a free trip. This is a totally normal thing to do.

2. Should I recommend a former coworker for a job if I liked her work but others complained about her?

At my last job, I was treated pretty badly and I quit. A colleague of mine who still works there has also been struggling there lately and wants to quit. I was recently hired at a new company and they asked if I knew anyone who specialized in finance. I thought of my colleague right away, but didn’t say anything. I want to help a colleague out (especially since I know what she is going through), but I didn’t even start the job yet. Also, although I have always got along great with her, others have complained about her being fussy. I want to protect myself at this new job (I had been out of work for months), but I feel bad for not passing along this opportunity to her. Also, if they don’t like her, I feel they may take it out on me. What are your thoughts?

If you can genuinely vouch for her work and think she’s good, recommend her. They explicitly asked you for recommendations, after all. But if you have reservations about her work or style, then yeah, you don’t want to stake your reputation on someone you have qualms about. One middle ground is to give them the full story on her — good and potentially not as good. (For instance: “She’s amazing at X and Y and I’ve always found her easy to get along with, but I know that some people found her overly process-oriented.”)

3. Am I a shoo-in for this job?

I interviewed for a job back in March that a girlfriend of mine recommended I apply for. She was on the interview committee and, while I didn’t get the job offer, I was told that I made their list of top three candidates. The reason I didn’t get the job was because the hiring manager already had someone else in mind for that role, but he did tell my friend that he thought I’d be a great fit for a similar role in the near future.

That near future is now. Two similar roles have posted and the hiring manager told my friend to specifically let me know about it and that he plans to fill these positions quickly. Given these circumstances, is it wrong for me to feel like I’m a shoo-in? And would I have to go through the entire interview process again since the job responsibilities are the same as the previous opening I applied for and I had made the top 3?

Definitely don’t assume you’re a shoo-in. They could decide someone else is a stronger candidate, or that for this role they want a skill that they didn’t care about last time, or they could decide to hire the manager’s recently out-of-work friend. Or they could be ready to hire you but get turned off by the sense that you’re assuming it’s yours!

Whether or not they’ll want you to go through the whole interview process again is really up to them. Some employers will, and some won’t. The hiring manager might want to interview you again so that your conversation is fresh in his mind to compare to other candidates, or might want to talk to you about some concern that he didn’t fully explore last time, or maybe there are different aspects to this role that he wants to talk with you about.

Basically, treat this like a whole new hiring process. If they do short-circuit it, that can be a pleasant surprise — but definitely don’t assume it.

4. Why would a position be mysteriously canceled?

Back in March, a position (city employment) was advertised for about a month, closed, and then re-advertised at the end of May “to increase the pool of qualified applicants.” The job posting closed at the beginning of June, and I was selected, according to my online application status, for an interview. However, when two weeks went by with no official invitation to interview, I contacted HR, and was told that the job posting was no longer available, although HR refused to specify why.

It seems somewhat bizarre to me to advertise a job, re-advertise said job, select candidates for an interview, and THEN decide not to fill the position. I was just curious if you had any insight into a possible explanation as to why the job might have been cancelled, and why HR refused to specify a reason for the cancellation. If it is budget cuts, why not say that? Or, perhaps the individual currently in the position decided not to leave, and if that’s the case, why not say so?

So many possible reasons! It could be a budget issue, or they’re reconfiguring the position, or they’re moving someone internal into it, or it’s on hold while they figure out some question related to it, or they don’t want to open it until some favored candidate is available to apply, or the person who manages the role left and they want to bring the new manager on first, or all sorts of other things too. HR might have declined to tell you the reason because they didn’t happen to know off the top of their heads, or because it was more detail than they wanted to give a random caller, or who knows why. It’s very hard to truly know this stuff from the outside.

5. Alerting a prospective employer that I’m about to be away for two weeks

I travel a fair amount for work, and I am also job hunting. I just had an interview for a position and know that the process involves a second in-person interview. In ten days, I’ll be leaving on a business trip for two weeks. Should I make the hiring manager aware of my schedule? I was thinking of sending a follow-up thank you email saying something to the effect of: “I will be traveling internationally from X to Y dates. I’m available to meet in person at your convenience before I leave or after returning, and I can be reached by phone or email while I’m out of town.” Is that a good idea, or is it better to wait until I’m invited for a second interview? I don’t want to give them any reason not to move forward with my application, nor do I want to seem presumptuous, but I would think it’s considerate to make them aware that my schedule might not fit with what they have in mind for the hiring process. It’s also highly likely that, at some point in my job search, I’ll be committed to a two-week trip that conflicts with an interview invitation. Do you have any advice for dealing with this situation?

Yep, that’s totally reasonable to do. It’s not presumptuous — you’re not calling to schedule an interview so you can get it done before you leave; you’re just letting them know about your schedule because it might make their lives more convenient to know in advance.

You may also like:
{ 59 comments }

ending an interview early when your interviewer is a jerk

by Alison Green on June 27, 2014

This was originally published on July 13, 2011.

A reader writes:

I’ve read your “run, don’t walk” advice when you find yourself in a job interview with someone you would never work with in a million years. But I still look back in anguish at an incident that happened a few years ago.

I had flown to another state for a job interview with the VP of HR for an automotive parts maker. The only fllight I could get was for mid-morning, and the VP couldn’t meet me till after 6 pm at a restaurant. So I flew to Detroit, rented a car, and poked around in a small town for hours (turned out to be her hometown–not where the facility was located) and met her at the restaurant as instructed. She arrived with a rep from the executive recruiting firm (not the recruiter I had talked to on the phone), and they largely ignored me and smirked together as I put forth my earnest answers to the few questions she asked and sat patiently listening while she spent the majority of the time telling me about what a big shot she was. It was so bad that at one point I felt tearful and had to hide it. I felt trapped and couldn’t think how to end it gracefully and waited for her to bring it to an end. The whole experience–flying in, driving to a strange town, being treated disrespectfully, sleeping in a budget hotel, etc.–was traumatizing. I obviously called the recruiter I had originally talked with the next day and told him it was not going to be a fit on either side, but I still wonder how to extricate oneself from a bad interview situation that lasts for hours.

That one was particularly horrifying because I had been flown in, but I recently had an interview I had driven to that was excruciatingly painful, and I knew within an hour that the company was not going to be a good fit for me.  In this situation, I met with the owner of a small business who asked questions like, “You say these are your strengths, so tell me which ones you are really bad at.” I told him I wouldn’t have listed them as my strengths if I weren’t fully capable and experienced in all of them, and I could give him examples of each. He sat there and stared at me and waited and waited. I felt as if I were 10 years old. I was ready to leave then, but I didn’t want to be rude. However, the interview went on and on. I didn’t even get the feeling the owner liked me; he was making up his interview questions as he went along and this was some type of weird entertainment for him.

I am currently well-employed but I would be open to another opportunity should the right one come along. But the thought of getting into another unpleasant situation like one of these makes me gun shy to even agree to an interview. I am not a rude person, but I sometimes think the best thing to do is to just say, “Thank you for your time, but I’m sure you will agree that this is not going to be a good fit,” and end the misery. Thoughts?

I’d divide this into two categories: interviews that are truly excruciating and miserable (which I think are rare) and interviews where you realize partway through that this just isn’t a job you’d take (which are more common).

In the latter case, I recommend staying and seeing it through. Even though you don’t want this job, they might have an opening in the future that you do want, or your interviewer might later move to a company that you’d love to work at, or they might refer you to an acquaintance who’s hiring for a job you’d be interested in. So it pays to build the relationship, and you don’t want to be remembered as “the person who awkwardly short-circuited the interview.” Instead, think of it as networking. (You can follow up with a note later thanking them for their time and letting them know that this isn’t quite the right fit, if you’d like.)

The exception to this is if it’s something like an all-day interview or other significant investment in you. In that case, I’d argue that it’s more polite not to allow them to spend that kind of time on you when you already know you’re not interested, and in that case you should politely bow out with an explanation.

Now, let’s move on to the excruciating interviews. If the interview is really intolerable — the interviewer is abusive or something like that — well, frankly I’d still recommend trying to stick it out for the reasons above. (Try to focus on the good story you’re going to have later. And then you can come here and tell it to us!) But if it’s truly unbearable, then it’s certainly an option to politely say, “You know, I really appreciate your time, but as we’re talking I’m realizing that this isn’t quite the fit that I’m looking for.” Ideally, you’d add, “I’m looking for something more ____” just to make it less abrupt.

Of course, often the people who conduct the sort of interview that would make you want to end it early are exactly the people who are likeliest not to react to that well (because they believe they are in control, not you), so you want to factor that in. These types can be unreasonable enough that you may be burning a bridge with that company —  which you might not care about, but if it’s a small enough industry, it could potentially have further-reaching consequences … so I’d discourage doing it unless you’re willing to risk that trade-off.

Really, I’d say your best bet is to stay and be entertained by the bad behavior, but I realize not everyone finds that as entertaining as I do.

By the way, you can read about this from the other side in this old post (and the comments are especially interesting).

You may also like:
{ 69 comments }

open thread – June 27, 2014

by Alison Green on June 27, 2014

photo 2-9It’s the Friday open thread. This post is for work-related discussions only. Please hold anything off topic for the free-for-all open thread that’s coming this Sunday.

The comment section on this post is open for discussion with other readers on anything work-related that you want to talk about. If you want an answer from me, emailing me is still your best bet, but this is a chance to talk to other readers.

You may also like:
{ 959 comments }

I want to lie to my boss about missing a flight, what kind of kitchen supplies should an office provide, and more

by Alison Green on June 27, 2014

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. I missed a flight and want to lie to my boss about it

I went on a trip to Mexico for business and overslept for my early morning returning flight. I paid the fee to change the time out of my own pocket rather than using the owners credit card. I am tempted to tell the owner if he asks that my flight was cancelled so as not to appear unreliable. I am worried that the airlines notified him as the ticket was booked in my name but on his credit card. Can the airlines notify a third party like that just because they paid the ticket? I dont want to get caught in a lie.

Don’t lie – not because the airlines are likely to notify him (they aren’t), but because lying reflects far worse on you than missing a flight does. Lying gets you fired, ruins your reputation, and — maybe most importantly — makes you a liar. The lie has to be discovered for those first two, but why risk it?

That said, I don’t think you’re obligated to proactively announce what happened, assuming it didn’t impact your work. But if you’re asked, you should explain honestly and make it clear it won’t happen again.

2. What type of kitchen supplies should an office provide?

I recently became manager of my regional office. One of the items I was not prepared for was the requests for the office to pay for “fringe” office supplies. We are a regional office with 10-12 employees and are currently losing money this year (as a region). We have a small “kitchen room” with a refrigerator, coffee maker (K-cup), sink and microwave. I have been asked to have the office purchase coffee K-cups (we have 2 coffee drinkers), bottled water, paper plates, plastic forks/spoons, etc. I have been in this office for 8+ years and know my previous manager would not have approved. However, I am thinking the cost for the year would be $200-$300. What sets the limit for expenses that the office should bear?

It’s a judgment call, but the sort of thing you’re describing is so typical for offices to provide that I wouldn’t generally even question it. $300 a year for kitchen supplies is unlikely to make a difference in your office’s overall budget, and typically providing these items is seen as a way to make employees’ lives slightly more comfortable.

That said, your office has never supplied this stuff so I suppose that it’s not outrageous if you choose to simply continue that policy … but typically the morale hit that petty cuts like this cause (if it were a cut, which I realize it’s not) cost you way more than $300.

3. Employer wants access to my medical records

I was just offered a senior-level position with a family owned company. The offer letter stipulates the usual background check and drug screen conditions, but they also added a clause stating they reserve the right to view my medical history / records. I’ve never heard of this and I think it is quite invasive. I really don’t want them to know that my doctor prescribed an anti-depressant for me in the past – it just isn’t their business. Have you heard of this clause before and is this acceptable?

It’s illegal under federal law. Employers aren’t permitted to ask you to answer medical questions before making an offer, although they can make the offer contingent upon you passing a medical exam or answering certain specific medical questions (but the exam and questions must be required of all employees in the same type of job; they can’t pick and choose who they require it of). After you begin work, they can ask medical questions if and only if they need medical documentation to support your request for an accommodation, or if they have a bona fide concern that you’re not able to perform the job safely because of a medical condition.

I recommend asking them to give you more context on the medical history language, and adding, “I know federal law prohibits those inquiries except in very limited circumstances, so I wasn’t sure what it referred to.”

4. Passing along a resume without vouching for the person

A friend of mine (let’s call her Penelope) let me know that she has a friend (let’s call her Carmen) who is looking for a new job in the area that I work in. I asked Penelope to send me Carmen’s resume and told her that I would check if there are any openings in my department. Looking at Carmen’s resume, I think she is a viable candidate for an open position in my department. I emailed the job requisition link to Penelope and told her that Carmen could apply for the job through there.

Afterwards, I learned that Carmen had actually already applied for the job – I don’t know how long ago, though. I know that applications can sometimes get lost in the HR shuffle and that it is sometimes more beneficial to directly email the hiring manager a resume. Knowing this and also recognizing that I cannot vouch for Carmen, as I do not know her, how can I tactfully email Carmen’s resume to the person in my department who is hiring for this position? The person hiring is a director who I do not work with; our interactions mainly consist of saying “hi, how are you” to each other whenever we pass each other in the hall. I know that it can be frustrating looking for a job and that often just having the right connection can do wonders, so I am just trying to help out by being a connector (but not a recommender).

“I wanted to pass along Carmen Smith’s resume as a potential candidate for the XYZ position. I’ve never worked with her and actually don’t know her personally, but we have a mutual friend, so I offered to send it along to you directly. I think she’s applied online as well.”

5. Can I volunteer to be laid off?

I am currently 34 weeks pregnant and working for a construction company in California. The projected complete date for this project is August 7th and the baby will be born at the end of July. With maternity leave and disability, I will not be returning to the job until late October. Even with the project rumors saying there is a good chance the project will be postponed again, there are a massive amount of layoffs happening to where the joke is Mondays and Fridays are layoff days. This is construction work, so it is known that you could be either transferred to another job site or laid off when your work is no longer necessary. My hubby is one of those employees recently laid off.

Is it illegal or unethical to volunteer to be laid off? I am considering being a temporary stay-at-home mother while my children are both young, and finishing school and relocating to another state while I have the chance. If I do volunteer for a layoff, does this make me ineligible for unemployment? Another rumor is that this company never denies unemployment.

There’s nothing illegal or unethical about volunteering to be laid off, if your company is planning to make cuts. There is something unethical about quitting and asking the company to call it a layoff so that you can get unemployment — because that’s a fraudulent benefit claim. But if your company is planning to make cuts anyway, they’re often relieved to get volunteers and you could save someone else from being cut. (That assumes, of course, that your position is one they can cut — cuts usually target specific positions, and not all are eligible.)

You may also like:
{ 220 comments }

our European clients are sneering at my American colleagues’ table manners

by Alison Green on June 26, 2014

A reader writes:

I have a question which might be classified as an etiquette problem, but as it happened at work I thought you might have some insight on how to handle it. I work in an international business where dinners with our European clients are regular. As I am not a U.S. citizen, I have often been included in jokes from our client where they deride the dining practices of my U.S. colleagues. An example of a recent point of ridicule was the U.S. practice of eating from a fork in the right hand after having just cut the food with their fork in the left hand and how “uncivilized” they appeared in doing so.

Having lived in the U.S. now for some time, I am relatively immune these days to even noticing this sort of thing but I do remember when I first came to the U.S. also thinking that quite a few people had failed to learn basic table manners and cutlery proficiency, and judging them based on that perception.

I mentioned this to my team (containing both those who report to me and those who I report to) and suggested that they perhaps be more aware of how they were being perceived and change their eating habits. This was met with open hostility. Not only did they disagree that there was a need to alter their behavior, they thought it was the Europeans who were being intolerant and rude.

I think the obvious course here is for me to let it go, but at the same time I feel as if, especially when visiting in Europe, it is our team who is being culturally insensitive. These same colleagues have changed their eating and other behaviors to match our Asian counterparts on past projects. Is this something I should press or let it go? And how should I respond when the client makes another joke about it?

I’d let it go, at least for the meals that are happening in the U.S.

I think it was totally reasonable to point it out — once. But you did, it was met with jeering, and I don’t think you’re going to get anywhere by pushing it.

I suspect what you’re running into is twofold: first, a feeling (which might be uniquely American, for all I know) that table manners are guided by the norms of the country where the meal is taking place — so your colleagues probably figure that if they’re dining in the U.S., then U.S. table manners reign; and second, a lack of concern about utensil rules that many Americans perceive as being rooted in snootiness.

However, when you’re talking about meals that take place in Europe, it’s perfectly reasonable to say, “Hey, this is a cultural difference that we should be aware of, just like we do X, Y, and Z when we’re working with clients in Asia.” From there, it’s up to others whether to act on that knowledge or not, and you shouldn’t keep pushing it — except with your direct reports, where you actually do have jurisdiction on this stuff. With them, it’s your prerogative to say “this is part of having a polished presentation when we work with clients in other cultures, and we’re going to adapt to that, just like we do with other cultural differences.”

As for what to say to the clients who you hear sneering about this, I’d go with a mild “it’s actually not considered incorrect here; it’s a different etiquette rule.”

And for the record, the clients are being rude themselves, since it’s rude to sneer about other people’s manners — and even a bit unsophisticated, since the cultural difference on fork-switching is well-known and shouldn’t be so astonishing to them.

You may also like:
{ 554 comments }

tales of office busybodies: your nosiest coworkers

by Alison Green on June 26, 2014

Most office have at least one nosy coworker – that person who asks inappropriate questions about your personal life, constantly comments on what you eat, or tries to find out what every closed-door meeting is about. Sound familiar?

I recently asked readers to share their accounts of working with nosy coworkers. I’ve rounded up my 10 favorites below.

1. Share your weight with the office

“A few years ago, I worked for a large retail store. Our store team leaders decided that, to emphasize the wellness benefits we received, they should do some sort of a fitness challenge. So under two shift leaders, they organized a Biggest Loser competition.

Every week, they posted the starting and ending weights over the time clock for every employee participating, along with combined team loss in pounds and percentage.

The plan originally was to treat the winning team to pizza and ice cream (doesn’t that… defeat the purpose?), but the competition fizzled out soon after people realized the supposedly ‘motivational’ idea of posting others’ weight on the biggest bulletin.”

2. Crawled through the ceiling to snoop

“At a former employer, it was a big warehouse space. To create offices, they built them with drop ceilings (which left a huge gap between the drop ceiling and the warehouse ceiling). The HR and CFO offices were next to the R&D lab. One of the chemists decided to climb through the ceiling, and searched the HR and CFO offices after work one night. He gathered materials from both offices, and then took them to his boss to ask for a raise. When asked where he got the materials, he told his boss what he did.”

3. Covertly followed a sick employee home

“A woman who used to work at my company was notorious for being a terrible manager – one time, she actually followed an employee home when the employee left because she was feeling ill. The manager tried to be incognito about following her, but she was discovered sitting in her car outside of the employee’s house. Yikes.”

4. What real men should do

“One of my current coworkers has trouble believing that I, a 24-year-old newlywed, do not want children for the foreseeable future. During lunch, I was talking to another coworker about how I enjoy volunteering at our local humane society. ‘Nancy’ jumped in and said that I ‘should start popping out babies so I have less free time.’ When she met my husband (he came to take me out to lunch) she told him that ‘A real man would have gotten me pregnant by now.’ After I returned, she asked if we ‘made a baby over lunch.’

At first, I just ignored her but as her comments got worse and more frequent I would stare at her and just say ‘Wow’ or ‘I fail to see how my reproductive plans are any of your business.’
The comments have mostly stopped at this point because she started making them to another coworker’s wife. He ended up yelling at her in the parking lot because it turns out they had been trying to conceive for over two years. It’s really best not to ask about people’s reproductive plans.”

5. Snooping secretary

“Our secretary would wait until you were out of the office (at client’s business or vacation day) and would snoop in your desk drawers and comment later on what you had in them. Whether it was client files, snacks, or pens, she would bring it up exactly what was in your desk drawer.

She took it upon herself to ‘dig up dirt’ on employees that had angered her by seeing who she knew that may know them- their neighbors, possible friends, or relatives and would try to dig for some ‘skeleton in their closet’ to use later against them.

One of our company’s duties is preparing certain types of taxes for high net worth individuals. For a short time she knew where copies were kept and would pore over them to see info on the client’s taxes, income, investments, etc. Through an indiscretion at the company, she discovered at one time what other staff made and had a screaming fit on her manager about how other secretaries made more than her. I think we could have had our own reality show filmed.”

6. Pregnancy prying

“The HR manager at our relatively small organization has, on more than one occasion, pulled me aside and given me the ‘You know, you really need to tell me if you’re pregnant’ speech, all under the guise of trying to be some sort of big sister figure to me. She keeps insisting its because I ‘go to the bathroom a lot.’ Obviously I’m thrilled that she’s that interested in keeping tabs on my trips to the bathroom as well.

She doesn’t realize that this is not only incredibly nosy and intrusive, but incredibly hurtful to me- about a year ago I found out that I am not able to have children, so it is a really sensitive issue for me. Yes still, it has come up about 3-4 times this past year.”

7. Executive assistant abusing her access

“Our CEO had to stop giving our office’s executive assistant certain documents to handle (which was part of her job) because she would read them, get the content wrong, and then spread the wrong content around. We had to hide the seating chart from her when we redid the floor plan because, in the prior round, she’d told people that a department was being downsized because she misread the plans. One time a different coworker congratulated me on getting a promotion—which I hadn’t—because Nosy Parker had found a confidential board memo about growth paths personnel, and concluded that anyone mentioned was getting promoted (and receiving raises). If any of the female employees looked ill or threw up, she would instantly start speculating whether that person was pregnant.

She also used to bring up people’s Facebook statuses and personal lives in work meetings: ‘Does anyone know if Sue is in the office today?’ ‘Well, she said on Facebook that her flight was delayed last night, so she’s probably home sick, because she gets the migraines, you know, and they’ve gotten worse since her husband got laid off.’”

8. Inappropriate question barrage

“I had a teenage coworker in a retail job who I think honestly did not know there was anything wrong with asking coworkers incredibly invasive questions. Everything from ‘What do your parents do? How much money do they make? to ‘How much is your rent?’ to ‘You were sick? Were you throwing-up sick, or sneezing everywhere sick?’ to asking about my husband, who’s a different race from me: ‘Where do you even MEET someone like that? Does he speak English?’ After I told her I picked him out of a catalogue, she didn’t talk to me much any more.”

9. Horrible cancer response

“I have cancer and shortly after diagnosis a coworker asked how much longer I was expected to live. I just shook my head, said ‘Wow,’ and walked away.”

10. Food monitor

“My coworker has taken it upon herself to monitor my daily food choices. She regularly comments that I don’t eat much of the food provided in meetings (usually because they are all meat/fish/chicken sandwiches and as a vegan, this doesn’t leave much for me to eat, so I eat beforehand). She even went as far as going through my personal wastebasket at my desk to see if I had thrown out any wrappers, containers, etc. as ‘proof’ of whatever I eat. I caught her red-handed one day and asked her, ‘What the hell are you doing?’
She said she ‘wanted proof that you actually eat, so I’m checking your garbage,’ as though this was a perfectly natural thing to be doing!”

I originally published this at Intuit QuickBase’s blog.

You may also like:
{ 295 comments }