Ask a Manager

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Employee opened everyone’s paychecks to see how much money they make

We had a recent event at our workplace and I’m wondering what repercussions we can place, if any, to the offending employee. One person wanted to know what everyone else was making, so late in the day when very few others were present in the office, she went to the mailbox area (in a different room than where the others were), went through the mailboxes, and opened peoples paychecks/paycheck stubs. The checks/stubs are in closed envelopes with the person’s name typed on the front of the envelope.

Another employee came and told me what she did — she apparently looked at all the paychecks, then went to the staff room and announced to the few people there what everyone’s pay was. When the others asked her how she knew, she stated that she had just looked through everyone’s paychecks. The employee who told was upset about it and didn’t quite know how to “break the news” at first. It took a little bit before she said what had occurred.

I understand that she is free to ask others what they are making, but I find this underhanded as she waited until the end of the day and looked into everyone’s mailboxes, instead of just asking her coworkers. (Aside from this, she is great with the clients and well liked by her coworkers. But she is an average employee — needs reminders to complete paperwork on time and needs to have someone “watch her” with regards to timeliness of completion of projects.)

Wow. Honestly, I think you have to fire her, because that’s such a huge and deliberate breach of trust. What other boundaries is she going to violate / lines is she going to cross the next time she feels like it? And I don’t like the signals you’d be sending if you let her stay on your staff after this; it tells your other staff members that you don’t take violations of trust and privacy very seriously and that there aren’t consequences for people who throw integrity out the window. If she were a super star and you were convinced that this was a one-time lapse in judgment that was unlikely to be repeated, I could see going another way (along with a very stern warning), but she’s not.

2. Should I really put up flyers at local spots advertising our job openings?

I love your advice to job seekers about not cold calling companies and not just showing up to apply for jobs. My company is a medium-sized company outside of Philadelphia. The owners of my company have tasked me with trying to find local talent (for non-medical home health aides for elderly clients). They feel that I should be going out into the community and “cold calling” local businesses, churches, libraries, etc. to see if we can put hiring flyers for people looking for jobs and develop relationships with these people to get referrals. I can remember years ago all of the local groceries stores having bulletin boards for this very reason. However, with the internet becoming the primary place to advertise, billboards in stores have become obsolete and people don’t want to be bothered with solicitation.

While I feel going out and “cold calling” these places is a waste time and can become annoying to these other businesses, my bosses feel that there must be a corner of the market we are missing (i.e. they think churches would be a great place to go to). I do understand their thinking, but there has to be a better way to market that we are looking to hire local besides soliciting places that don’t want to be bothered.

You know what, I’d actually give this a try. While I agree with you that this tactic wouldn’t be useful for most professional jobs, I do think there’s a place for it other types of jobs — where many of your prospective candidates might not be regular Internet users (20% of Americans aren’t!) or even have computers at home. We tend to forget that, but it makes sense to include that demographic in your targeting for this type of work. That said, I don’t think I’d call other local businesses about this, but focusing on libraries and churches makes a lot of sense. Your local unemployment agency or local career center could also be good places to reach out to.

3. Can I ask why it took so long to be contacted for an interview?

I applied for a job in February and was just contacted for an interview. During the interview, it it appropriate to ask why it took so long (in a polite way, of course)?

Sure. But you need to sound like you’re asking to better understand the role and its context in their organization, not like you’re just annoyed that you had to wait so long. I’d say it this way: “I noticed the job has been open since February, or at least that’s when I applied. Can I ask what’s been going on with the role since then?”

4. Telling a recruiter I’m withdrawing from consideration because I just found out I’m pregnant

Yesterday morning, I had an interview with a recruiter regarding a position I am very interested in. I actually love my job and was not looking for another opportunity. The recruiter approached me himself with a position that is basically the same position I am at now, but in large company with significant pay increase. Interview went very well, and last night I agreed my resume to be shared with his client.

Well, this morning I discovered I am 13 weeks pregnant! With this new discovery, I am rethinking the interview — my current company and my boss are very flexible and generous with maternity leave and I am thinking it may be better if I stay for the time being. As a new hire, I do not think this large company would be very understanding to a new mom. However, I would love to stay in touch with this recruiter for potential opportunities down the road, and am not sure how to communicate this new fact to him. I believe the honesty is the right policy and would like to disclose the fact I am interested but pregnant; however, I am not sure how to. Do you have any suggestions?

Congratulations! I’d just be direct: “I just learned that I’m pregnant and due late this year. Because of that, I think it makes sense to stay where I am for now, but I so appreciate you reaching out to me about this role, and I’d love to get back in touch when things are more settled down for me.”

(That said, large companies sometimes have great maternity leave policies — if you’d be open to the switch if they did, it might be worth hearing them out.)

5. Connecting my sister with colleagues for volunteer work

My sister is looking for volunteer work while she searches for a new job. I’d like to put her in touch with some of my previous colleagues, as I know they are often keen to take on volunteers but rarely advertise. Obviously I have no experience of working with her, but I think her background would fit well. How should I approach this? Should I send a quick email letting them know to expect my sister to contact them? Or should I forward her CV directly, and let them follow up if they are interested?

Email them to let them know you suggested your sister contact them, and then have her reach out directly with her resume. The reason you do it this way is so that it’s clear that she’s really interested (rather than you just being interested on her behalf) and so that she’s managing her contact with them herself. (Also, coordinate with her so that she’s reaching out relatively soon after you do — you don’t want a long time lag in between.)

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My boss keeps putting my incompetent coworker in charge when he’s away

I have a situation at work. A less than competent person was hired for a job that is my same grade. I have 10 years experience and have been in this “grade” longer than she has. She is not the sharpest bulb.

I have been with the organization for over 20 years. In my previous positions, the acting chief of the office was the senior employee in that area. I am that senior employee, but the boss keeps making the incompetent, newly appointed person in charge when he is out of the office. I am completely irritated. Not only do I deserve that when he is away, but I also have taken a lot of leadership classes and should be allowed to blossom. I am irritated with the supervisor and have some discontent toward the person that was hired. I know it is not her fault … but really, putting someone in charge who cannot even do her job or knows the office well enough?

I have in the past tried saying something and his reasoning was that she was in a position title like his. I dont see that as good enough justification. How do I address this so I don’t come off unprofessionally? Or do I just consider this a blessing that I will not have to deal with things when they come up that require decisions? Could be a blessing or a curse :)

Well, first, realize that your manager might have legitimate reasons for making this choice. He might think your coworker is genuinely better equipped to run the department when he’s away, or he might have concerns about putting you in charge, totally separate from the question of your coworker. I’m not a fan of making these sorts of decisions by seniority anyway.

But you can certainly talk to your manager and find out if there’s a reason you’re not being considered for this. Don’t frame it as being entitled the role because of seniority or as being entitled to put your leadership classes to use; that’s overly adversarial and also not in sync with how these decisions are made. Instead, say something like this: “I’ve noticed you’ve asked Jane to run the office when you’re out. That’s a responsibility I’m interested in taking on, and which I think I’d be good at because of ___. Is that something you’d consider in the future?” If you get any answer other than a clear yes, then ask what you could do to change that in the future — are there skills he wants you to work on first? Concerns about your performance that that two of you should address?

Make it about how you can get considered for the role, not about whether your coworker deserves it or not.

2. A job candidate’s desired salary is far outside our posted range

I’m leading the hiring for a position at my organization. One applicant, who seems qualified for this position, wrote in her cover letter that her salary requirements are in the range of $55-60k, which is between $10-20k higher than was clearly listed in the job announcement. Should I interview her anyway and address this further along in the interview process? Or should I just address this before moving forward with the interview process?

If she would otherwise be someone you’d be very interested in, you could certainly email her and point out the listed salary is lower than what she put in her cover letter and ask if the range you posted is prohibitive for her, and then decide. But I’d be on the watch for other attention to detail issues, since she appears to have totally missed a pretty important detail in your ad. (I’m assuming that she didn’t acknowledge the discrepancy in some way.)

Either way, I wouldn’t move forward with her without clarifying this, since you don’t want to waste your time or hers if you’re too far apart on salary.

3. Employer offered me one interview time, but then confirmed another

I have an internship interview scheduled and I have the following issue: When we were arranging the schedule for the interview, the recruiter sent me an email asking me “what about 4 PM?” at a certain day, and then, after responding that the time works for me, she sent me a calendar invitation for 1 PM. Now, what would you say? Should I come at 1 PM or 4 PM? I don’t want to come early and annoy them or anything, but I think coming late would be worse.

You shouldn’t guess! If this happened to you in any other context, you’d probably email back to clarify, right? That’s exactly what you should do here too — there’s no special interview rule that requires that you not ask normal questions when something is unclear. So in this case, that means that you should email right back and say, “Thanks so much. I noticed you wrote 1 p.m. below rather than 4 p.m. I can do either time, but want to make sure that I’m confirming the correct one.”

4. Explaining what I’ve been doing since getting laid off

So I recently had a phone screening, which I thought went well, but I got the expected question of “What have you been doing in the meantime since your position ended in January?” My answer: I’ve used various software on my own machine to maintain my skills, attended various conferences recently to maintain awareness about the Industry. I also mentioned how I have been aggressively applying for jobs (even with several interviews, albeit no offers). I also mentioned how I’m about to begin my seasonal work (mostly summers), which I’ve had for several years in the meantime.

I understand why managers ask that, and am fine with that, but was what I said fine? I tried to be as honest as I could in the question.

I’d leave out the part of aggressively job searching in the future. Interviewers who ask this question are looking for answers like volunteering, taking a class, learning a new skill, working in your community — something that’s going to make you a more valuable employee when you return to work. Also, rightly or wrongly, talking about an aggressive job search risks coming across as a little desperate and like you might take ANY job, rather than specifically being interested in this one. (If it helps, imagine a date telling you that she’s been aggressively looking for a relationship; it would be a turn-off for similar reasons, even though I realize the context isn’t a perfect parallel.)

5. Etiquette books

You’ve quoted Miss Manners in past columns, and you mentioned here that you collect etiquette books old and new. Would you mind sharing even a partial list!? I’d love to hear which ones you have and which are your favorite!

I mainly collect the old ones — I love reading about old-timey etiquette and social rules. (For example, from Emily Post’s 1937 Etiquette: “Past midnight is too late for a well-bred young woman — even two together — to be leaving bachelor flats.” Also: “A house suit is distinctly what the name implies, and is never worn out except at the smallest family dinner or when receiving intimate friends at home. The accessories are a silk or cheviot unstarched soft shirt, with turndown stiff collar, or even with a soft collar attached — white of course — and a black bow-tie … The silk house suit must not be confused with the velvet jacket that has no trousers to match and is typical of studios and Bohemian quarters.”)

Currently my bookshelf includes:
Emily Post’s Etiquette, 1937
Amy Venderbilt Complete Book of Etiquette, 1959
Esquire’s Handbook for Hosts, 1949
Manners Made Easy, 1949 (This looks like it was a textbook for junior high schools. Sample: “A girl may suggest while dancing that they stop for some punch or to rest, but it is considered poor form for a boy to do so. No matter how poor a dancer she may be, he must somehow manage to remain on the floor until the music stops.”)
Etiquette: An Encyclopedia of Good Manners and Social Usage, by Gabrielle Rosiere, 1923
Foods and Homemaking, by Carlotta Greer, 1937
The New Book of Etiquette, by Lillian Eichler, 1926

For a more modern take, I really like Judith Martin’s Miss Manners books, especially Miss Manners’ Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. I overheard my manager complaining about me

The higher-ups in our company regularly have private meetings, which are usually very hush-hush behind closed doors. During a recent meeting of theirs, the door was left open and we (the rest of the team) could hear bits and pieces of their conversation–not purposely, of course, and not that it was worth listening to, but we would have had to leave our cubicles to avoid it. I wasn’t paying much attention until I overheard my name and my boss questioning my productivity due to a few deadlines that had been pushed back by my supervisor who, unfortunately, did not relay the information. So the deadlines seemed missed as a result of my seeming lack of productivity, and, despite my supervisor’s explanation, I couldn’t help but notice my boss’ irritation and disappointment, which is where my real concern lies.

I never thought of myself as someone with productivity issues (we’re a tech startup, so there really is no room or time for slacking off) and have only received positive feedback for my work ethic. Since that meeting, though, my boss has increasingly taken interest in managing my schedule and work, which he’s never done before. I’m absolutely open to constructive criticism and would like to improve in every way I can, but nothing has been brought up to me directly and this is starting to affect my morale. I’d like to approach my supervisor and/or boss, but given that I “eavesdropped” on a private meeting (which I know I shouldn’t have, but what’s done is done, regrettably), I’m not exactly sure how to address the issue. Any advice? Is this an issue even worth bringing up?

Eavesdropping is going out of your way to listen in on something you’re not supposed to hear; it’s not just doing your work at your desk and happening to overhear something. So first, you weren’t eavesdropping. Second, since your boss is apparently misjudging your performance based on inaccurate information, yes, correct the record. I’d say something like, “I couldn’t help but overhear part of your conversation with Jane the other day when I was at my desk. I want to make sure you know that Apollo pushed back the deadlines on X and Y — I don’t want you to think that I missed deadlines when they’d actually been moved. I take deadlines really seriously and am actually fairly neurotic about meeting them.”

2. My coworker is a frequent surrogate and keeps taking off four months to do it

There is a woman in my department who has been a surrogate several times, and is planning to do it again. We are already short-staffed and our department is very busy. And it always seems like there is someone out on maternity leave. Anyhow, this particular coworker, even though she is the surrogate and does not take the baby home after birth, will still take the maximum paid maternity leave because “she can.”

To the rest of us, we feel like she is taking advantage. She is in a position that is specialized so we can’t have a temp fill in for her, and the rest of the staff ends up having to take on her huge work load. It would be tolerable one time, but it sound like this is becoming a regular thing. She is basically taking off three months in a row, plus her regular vacation time (so another month) and this has already happened twice on a span of about three years. It’s like this special in-between scenario where no one can tell her no because pregnancy is protected. But at the same time, she is being paid to be a surrogate, so wouldn’t it be like taking paid time off to work a second job for three months? It just doesn’t feel right. I don’t even know how to feel about it. Do we just have to stand back and keep our mouths shut? Is there anything anyone could say that would encourage her to not take the full three months so we aren’t left in a bind …. again?

Nope. If she’s really taking off four months just for the hell of it, then yes, that’s annoying. But you really don’t know if that’s the case; it’s possible that she needs that time to physically recover. Regardless, it doesn’t matter — the law lets her do it, and you don’t have any standing to ask her not to. You can, however, point out to your manager that it’s not sustainable for you and your coworkers to continue taking on her workload for four months (one-third of the year!) so frequently, and ask the company to figure out another way to handle it.

3. Withdrawing from consideration for an internal move

I recently applied for an internal job in a different department, let’s say Dept. N. I have been working with Dept. N extensively for a few months now, including the Manager of Dept. N, Ms. B. It is well known in the company that Ms. B is very difficult to get along with, but I have always been able to work with her and tolerate what others cannot.

I let Ms. B know that I would be applying for the job and she even helped me with my cover letter and resume. She knows that I was very interested in the job. I did have an interview with her and someone who works for her, Ms. M.

They have not made an offer yet. However, during the past week, I have seen a side of Ms. B that I had not seen in full force before. Things that I have been able to tolerate have gotten much worse, to the point where there is no way I could work for her. I checked with Ms. M, and she said that this has been going on for about a month and a half. Ms. M is at her limit also.

I am planning on turning down the job if it is offered to me. I am guessing that it would be best for me to withdraw rather than wait for a job offer. However, how do I do this in a diplomatic fashion? I am planning on saying that it is due to health concerns (which is not a lie; my blood pressure has jumped up over the past couple of days). I do feel bad about withdrawing, especially since it is an internal job and I have worked with (but not for) Ms. B for almost a year now and she helped me with my resume and knew that I was very interested in the job. However, there is no way that I can work for Ms. B. Any advice on how to politely withdraw from the job?

If you really want to attribute it to health concerns, you could say: “I’ve recently had some health concerns come up that I need to focus on. I’ll be fine, but I’ve realized I shouldn’t be changing jobs right now, so I need to withdraw my application.” (That said, I’m not sure that your blood pressure jumping for a few days really makes this an honest statement — although it’s certainly a useful one in this context, and it’s not crazy to think that working for a nightmarish boss can indeed affect your health.)

4. How can I keep myself in the forefront of my interviewers’ minds?

I’ve completed a great monthlong interview process, and my 3 reference checks were completed last week. I followed up to thank them and let them know to contact me if their timeline changed or they needed other info. They replied they had pushed back their decision process to late next week due to scheduling challenges as they reference checked a “select few finalists.” Given that others were behind me in the process, I’m concerned their interviews and reference checks will be more top-of-mind than mine. Is there anything I can do during the wait to keep my name, memory, strengths, and fit in the decision-making mix? I don’t want to be inbox clutter, but I also don’t want to be the candidate in more distant memory!

If you’re a finalist, they’re not going to forget about you. And if you’re the strongest candidate, you don’t need to do anything to keep yourself in the forefront of your minds; you’re already there. You’ve already followed up once, so they know you’re interested. At this point, all you should do is be patient and wait for their decision. (Or even better, put it out of your mind entirely and move on mentally so that you don’t agonize about it.)

5. Mentioning a 20% raise in a cover letter

I understand the principle of cover letter: it should be a convincing and highly personalized letter showing (not telling) the potential employer why I am a good fit for the role I’m applying while showing a little bit of personality, and it shouldn’t regurgitate the resume.

I have received a promotion 4 months after I joined my previous company, and received a 20% raise 6 months after that. I think these are good objective “evidence” showing the kind of worker that I am and how much my previous employer valued my contributions. These 2 pieces of information will only be mentioned briefly in the cover letter, merely reinforcing everything else I presented in the letter. I wonder if I should avoid mentioning the “20% raise” part on the cover letter as it might be perceived as tacky?

Yeah, I’d stay away from that. But there must be a reason why you received the raise, right? Because you were so great at X or took such initiative with Y? That’s what I’d talk about instead.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. New manager is calling previous employers from 9+ years ago

I have a current employer (of 9 years) who had changes in management. One of the managers above me called previous employees and employers asking how I perform and how I treat others (outside of the current organization). Is this allowed?

It’s allowed, but it’s weird. If the new manager wants to know about your work, she should look at your actual track record in your organization and talk to others who know about it. Calling employers from more than nine years ago is incredibly bizarre, not to mention a really indirect route to information that she has much more direct and recent access to. I’d take this as a flag that you’ve got someone above you who has some really odd ideas about how to do things, and maybe as a flag that she has concerns about you.

In your shoes, I think I’d just ask her directly what’s up — as in, “I absolutely understand the need to get familiar with me and my work. There are a number of people here who have worked closely with me, including X, Y and Z. I wasn’t sure about why you were getting in touch with old employers — is there any concern that I can help address?”

2. How to decline a job offer after seeing the contract

I have always worked in museum education and have recently started as a freelancer due to having to constantly move (my husband is in the military). Freelancing has been a bit slow to take off, so I am also looking for part-time jobs that I can fit around it.

I applied and got accepted as a workshop leader for a small company I had never heard of before. The job seemed ideal for my circumstances and the owner of the company seemed very pleasant and competent. I accepted the role and she said she would send a contract. I then heard nothing for two weeks. I started getting red flags and looked into the company more. There seems to be very little about it on the internet apart from a few old adverts and no social network presence, which I found quite strange for the industry. When I got my contract, I started getting more red flags. There is a lot of preparation, meetings and training that I would not get paid for and I was responsible for sourcing clients. I also had to give over a month of notice to leave, whereas I would only get a week if they decided to let me go. I would not be entitled to any holidays.

I know none of this is awful but have decided not to take the job, as I am getting a bad feeling that I have decided to trust. I was quite enthusiastic about the role during the interview as I understood it to be something different. How do I politely decline the offer after my conditional acceptance? I am a bit worried about burning a bridge as it is a small industry.

Well, you’ve just gotten information about the offer that you didn’t have previously (unpaid work, responsibilities, notice requirements, and no holidays), so it’s very reasonable to just explain that now that you have additional details, it’s not in line with what you’re looking for. I’d say something like, “Thanks so much for sending the specifics of the offer. I hadn’t realized some of what was included in the contract (such as the lack of paid holidays, the unpaid training and prep time, and the client sourcing responsibilities). Reading this over, I see that it’s a bit different from what I was envisioning, and I think I need to decline the offer. But I appreciate the time you spent talking with me and wish you the best of luck in filling the role.”

(Alternately, you could try to negotiate away the parts you don’t like; that’s often doable — although it sounds like you’re not really interested in the job at this point.)

3. My boyfriend’s coworker tried to throw a computer at him

Yesterday, my boyfriend got a computer monitor thrown at him twice, by an angry coworker. The coworker, Ivan, asked my boyfriend, Tom, if he had finished a P&A form that Ivan gave to him earlier in the day. Tom replied that yes, it was finished, and continued to work on what he was doing. Ivan got angry, and through the service window, tried to throw Tom’s computer monitor at him. Since it was attached to his computer, it didn’t get very far. Ivan knocked over a full can of Coke while he tried chucking the monitor, and then proceeded to come into the door of the department and do the same thing, since Tom put the monitor back in its place as Ivan was coming around the corner. He got into Tom’s face, and being about 2 feet taller and wider than Tom, was towering over him and trying to edge him on to fight. Apparently, Ivan wanted to know something else completely than what he asked and got mad that Tom couldn’t read his mind. Tom told Ivan that he wasn’t going to fight him at work because that’s just stupid, and Ivan tried picking up the monitor to throw it again, only this time it fell onto the desk and came apart at the seam, landing in the puddle of Coke that was on the desk.

First of all, Tom’s boss wasn’t at work and didn’t bother to tell anyone he wasn’t there, so Tom had to call his boss and leave a voicemail of what happened. It took about 5 to 10 minutes for the boss to get there. Instead of asking if Tom was okay, he asked if anyone had seen this happen, and yes, another coworker saw it, and had immediately gone to see if Tom was okay after this altercation. The only thing that happened to Ivan is he’s getting written up. He hasn’t apologized (not that he’s required to, but he is an adult) and Tom is kind of afraid of Ivan, as this came out of nowhere and his boss seemingly doesn’t care about his employees’ well-being.

Is there anything my boyfriend can do to protect himself? Since he never got physically touched, I don’t see a point in filing a police report. Also, instead of doing anything, his boss just asked Tom what he wanted him to do about it and had sort of a condescending tone. My boyfriend is already looking for another job elsewhere, since he doesn’t want to work in a hostile environment. Is it normal for a boss to ask if anyone witnessed something before asking if both parties are okay? I can understand if it’s a liability issue, but otherwise I think it’s kind of messed up. (Tom told me last night that he’s not really afraid of Ivan, but he’s worried that this guy is going to be waiting for him sometime after work, since he stays about 30 minutes longer than everyone else, and he’s also worried that this guy is going to freak out for no reason again. But he knows his boss isn’t going to do anything, as I used to work here and was being bullied by another employee and all I was ever told was to suck it up, even though he was actively preventing me from doing part of my job and spreading rumors to customers that I didn’t want to do my job.)

Wow. Yeah, ideally your boss would have first talked to Tom about what had happened rather than going straight to asking whether anyone else had seen it. That’s a question he might want to ask at some point in the conversation, but it’s weird that it was the first thing out of his mouth. On the other, he showed up in 5 to 10 minutes on a day he wasn’t at work, so that part says he took it pretty seriously. But the write-up sounds like a slap on the wrist, obviously. (Although it’s possible it was more serious than you know; for all we know, Ivan was raked over the coals by their boss and told that if he even looks askance at Tom in the future, he’ll be fired. That’s not something you’d know about.)

As for what your boyfriend can do, well, if he feels unsafe around Ivan, he should tell his boss that. He could also make a point of not being alone around the guy. But beyond that, I’m not sure there are a lot of options here, unfortunately.

4. After being rejected, asking if I should apply for a different role

I’ve had a decent number of interviews that I felt went quite well but ultimately did not result in an offer. I’m reaching a point in my job search where some of the positions I want to apply to are similar ones at the same organizations I interviewed at. However, since it’s par for the course not to give any feedback following a rejection (and occasionally no formal rejection at all, even after an interview), I sort of have no idea where I stand. Is it okay to email my prior interviewer and ask in a friendly way if they think it would be worthwhile to apply for Job #2? I always send a thank-you note after an interview or after a rejection, so I don’t think there should be any bad feelings involved. In my fantasy world, asking this leads them to remember me in a positive light and put in a good word with the new hiring manager, but I also would really appreciate being told I’m just totally not qualified or am a bad fit for the organization, were that the case. Good move or terrible idea?

Sure, it’s fine to do that … but I’d also manage your expectations about responses. If these are organizations that won’t give feedback as a matter of policy (and sometimes won’t even bother with rejections), you might not be likely to get a candid answer — but there’s no harm in trying, particularly with an interviewer with whom you had a particular rapport.

5. When an employer asks if you have pending offers

I was wondering if it was a good sign when HR calls from an interview I went on to say they are still in process but wanted to know if I had any pending offers or if I’m interviewing anywhere else. They called a week later with that response and again the following week with the same response and to apologize it’s taking so long.

It usually means that they know their process is dragging out and they want to find out if they’re in danger of losing candidates they’re interested in as a result. So it means you’re someone they’re interested in, but you could be one of several; I wouldn’t take it as a sign of anything more than that.

(That said, “are you interviewing anywhere else?” is an obnoxious question to ask. “Are you in the final stages with anyone else?” or “do you have timeline constraints we should know about?” are fine, but “are you interviewing anywhere else?” is silly.)