update: my struggling new employee thinks her pushiness is “enthusiasm”

by Alison Green on July 16, 2014

Remember the letter-writer last month whose struggling new employee was insisting that her problematic pushiness was simply enthusiasm? Here’s the update.

I had planned to have the discussion you suggested with my employee on her one day in the office last week, but had a sinus infection and was running a low fever so thought I would wait until I felt better.

I sat down with her that morning and went over a couple of upcoming projects. One was to draft a short email to a group of people requesting some information for a new project. When I read it I realized that the email described the end result of project as something I’d said specifically we would NOT do and had explained why we were not doing it. I asked her to revise the email because it wasn’t what I’d said. She argued with me that it was what I’d said, she’d simply phrased it differently. I told her it wasn’t and needed to be revised.

She shut the door to my office and continued to try to argue. I asked her to please just go do what I asked. Twice. I’m a small person. She’s bigger than I am and was standing between me and the door. I finally walked around the other side of my desk, went to the door, opened it and asked her to please go do what I’d asked. She stood there so I asked again and she finally left. Her behavior made me very uncomfortable. That afternoon she sent me an email apologizing for her behavior. I’d had to leave for a meeting so told her we’d address the issue when she was back in the office, but that her behavior had been inappropriate.

She was only working one day a week for several weeks in order to prepare for a professional exam so it was a few days before she was back in the office. I thought about it a lot and came to the decision to terminate her because I felt her behavior would be a continuing problem.

After she left I went through her email to see if there was anything I needed to follow up on and that confirmed that I’d made the correct decision. She was there two days short of 90 days and tried to start some projects that interested her instead of things we were asking her to work on. She didn’t get far with her projects because she hadn’t built up the knowledge, credibility or resources to implement them. It’s a pretty specialized job so requires a lot of background information to get up to speed.

If I hadn’t let her spend a day with the person who had the job last so she’d know what was involved, I might feel she didn’t know what all it entailed. However, we gave her a very clear idea of what she’d be doing from the mundane to the exciting. I think she may have been interested in the recognition the job could bring without having to do the work required.

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how important is it to answer every question perfectly during a job interview?

by Alison Green on July 16, 2014

A reader writes:

I have been interviewing for a position in a nonprofit that I would consider my dream job. The interview process was extensive and consisted of two phone interviews, followed by being flown in to meet with 4 members of the staff in the department I would be joining and the HR manager. The interview took place over two days and I spent 5-6 hours in total with them, plus time exploring the organization.

Overall, I think I did very well and connected with the employees. However, I definitely flubbed two questions and it leaves me wondering how perfect do prospective candidates need to be in order to get the job? If all else went great and there was a feeling of cultural fit, how important is it to answer every question perfectly? What do hiring managers think when the candidate does 90% excellently, but 10% poorly?

It’s hugely dependent on what the questions and the answers were. There’s no formula here, because it’s so context-dependent.

Some questions are probing deeply into the substance of what’s needed in the role, and flubbing those would count heavily against you. Some questions don’t matter nearly as much or don’t have “right” answers or might give an interviewer pause without being a deal-breaker. On the other hand, a particularly bad answer to a minor question could trump everything else if it were bad enough.

Keep in mind, too, that there are different definitions of “flubbing” an answer, and they all count differently. Using imperfect wording, getting off to a stumbling start, or not organizing your thoughts perfectly are different things (usually less important) than an answer where the substance of what you’re saying is off-base.

So there’s no formula. And even when an objective observer would say you answered all the questions well, you still might not get the job — because your perfectly good answers might be different than what the hiring manager is looking for, or another candidate is just a better fit. And even when you think you didn’t interview well, you can sometimes end up getting an offer — because your assessment is off or because the hiring manager cares about different things.

It’s very hard to predict this stuff, and so in general you should stay away from trying to estimate how an employer thinks you did. The best thing to focus on is what you learned in the interview about the job and the employer: Is it somewhere you want to work? That’s the part that you’re 100% in charge of assessing, and it’s the primary thing you should be mulling. After all, do you think your interviewer is spending a lot of time second-guessing their own performance? Nope. They’re focusing on whether you’re the right match. And you should be doing the same.

Read updates to this letter here and here.

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my new coworker is pushing a pyramid scheme on us

by Alison Green on July 16, 2014

A reader writes:

A relatively new coworker of mine has been secretly approaching people in the office one by one trying to sell them memberships into what can only be described as a pyramid scheme. (Pay a sign-up fee, then $X per month and gain money for each new person you recruit, and they recruit, etc., with the promise of money in your pocket and the opportunity for discount luxury vacations.)

Up until recently, I had only heard other people’s accounts of this person’s behavior. Usually it involved inviting someone out to a casual lunch that turned into an hour long sales pitch, or inviting them to an evening to learn about a business venture they started with some friends. The people already pitched to kept telling me “you’re next,” and they were right. I was invited to an evening to learn about a business venture, and the description of the event given to me was incredibly vague. I was busy at the time they asked, so just said I’d get back to them. I have no intentions of going, but from what other colleagues have said and continue to experience, this person is very pushy and relentless with the sales pitches.

There are at least 5 people who have been approached by this person thus far. I’m ok to keep shaking these sales pitches off for now, but others have said they’re getting uncomfortable from the pressure to join. Should HR be made aware of what is going on? This person is otherwise very good and capable at the job they’re hired to do, and I don’t want to do anything to jeopardize their position in the office, but it’s becoming pretty disruptive for some.

HR probably wants to know and almost certainly would want the opportunity to tell your coworker to cut this out. And I’d bet her manager feels the same way.

That said, you could also say something directly to the coworker if you’re inclined. For instance: “I’m not comfortable being solicited for this at work. Please don’t ask me again.” And you could also add, if you’re up for it, “I don’t think you should be approaching coworkers about outside business schemes, particularly one that appears to operate like a pyramid scheme.”

Can we have a rule that bans any pressure tactics designed to get people to open their wallets at work? It’s particularly distasteful in a work context because coworkers/employees are a captive audience and also are generally trying to preserve harmonious working relationships (and thus don’t always feel as free to tell an aggressive money-seeker to buzz off).

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asking for a higher raise, my manager wants me to start telemarketing, and more

by Alison Green on July 16, 2014

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My manager wants me to start telemarketing

I work for a small financial firm, and a lot of our business comes from referrals and leads from other types of businesses in the area (insurance companies, etc). Lately work has been kind of slow, so the owners of the firm (a husband-wife team) hired someone specifically for “telemarketing” – cold calling people to ask if they’re interested in our services.

Before they hired this person, the husband asked me if I would be comfortable making calls like this, and I told him that I would not. I consider myself a financial professional and don’t think it’s in my job description to be a telemarketer (I wouldn’t like it, and I wouldn’t even be good at it). I thought the problem was solved since they made the hire, but yesterday the wife pulled me aside and insisted that I start making these calls too. She gave me a list with hundreds of names and phone numbers, and didn’t even give me a chance to say no. Basically, I was told rather than asked.

I don’t know what to do now since A) I have zero interest in being a telemarketer for them, and I extremely dislike the idea of it, and B) they hired someone specifically for this role, so I don’t understand why I have to be forced to participate as well – especially since it’s so outside my job description. If I wanted to be a telemarketer, I’d work for a telemarketing company! Is there any way that I can tell them that I don’t want to do this? Or am I obligated to “do as I’m told”?

You always have the option of pushing back if your job changes in ways you don’t like. Say something like this: “I’m really not comfortable making cold calls, and it’s far afield from the work I came on to do. My understanding was that we hired Jane to focus on calling, so that I could continue focusing on X and Y, which is my professional focus. I’d like to continue keeping my focus there — is that possible?”

From there, it’s certainly your employer’s prerogative to say, “Sorry, I hear you but this is how we’re doing it now” — in which case you’d have to decide if you still want the job under these changed conditions — but often a simple conversation will resolve the issue.

2. I just got a raise — can I ask for more?

I’ve been in my current job for a year, and just had a positive performance evaluation. I didn’t ask for a raise in the evaluation meeting because, to be honest, I wasn’t sure how the evaluation was going to go. I had lots of evidence that I excelled in my position, but my boss isn’t forthcoming with feedback and is frequently out of the office, so it wasn’t clear to me how she felt about my performance until we sat down to talk about it. Now, two weeks later, I received a notice via mail that I’ve gotten a raise – which, while appreciated, was lower than I was planning on requesting. Is it bad form to negotiate it? I’d like the chance to at least make a case for a higher percentage, but I don’t want to overstep a boundary.

If it matters, I sit in on the budget meetings, so I know the range set for raises. My raise was on the lower end of that scale.

Sure, you can go back to your boss and make the case for more, explaining why you deserve more. (Leave your knowledge of other people’s raises out of it, though — it can be background info to inform your thinking but shouldn’t be part of the case you make to your manager.)

Keep in mind, though, that your window for renegotiating this has probably passed. In many organizations, you would have needed to do this before raises were finalized; at this point, the budget might be set. (That’s especially likely in an organization that notifies people about raises by mail. Nothing really screams “bureaucracy” like conveying big updates by postal mail.) But there’s nothing wrong with having the conversation and finding out.

3. My coworker keeps cc’ing my boss on minor issues

I have a peer who always CC’s my boss when asking me to follow up on minor issues. I get along with this person really well and have a lot of respect for them, but this really makes me feel like I’m not being trusted to get something done. What’s the best way to approach this?

“Hi Jane, I noticed you’ve been cc’ing Percival on minor issues. It made me wonder if you have concerns about my responsiveness. Is there a reason you’re looping Percival in as well?”

4. Did HR mishandle my sick coworker’s resignation?

A coworker recently quit because of health issues.She was unable to give notice because she no longer had any vacation days or sick days left and was too unwell to continue to work. HR said that because she quit without notice, she was not allowed to say goodbye to anyone. She was shocked and very sad about this. She was allowed to clear her desk, but then had to leave the office immediately.

This sort of procedure is usually what happens when someone is fired. Her leaving came a surprise to many people when it was announced a day later by email which didn’t explain the circumstances. There is a feeling that HR behaved in a very mean way. What would be a normal procedure if someone quits without notice?

That’s ridiculous. While quitting without notice is usually a Bad Thing, there are certain types of situations where it’s totally understandable — like health issues that make it impossible to continue. The appropriate response to that is sympathy for the person with the health issues, understanding of the circumstances, and wishing them well. It’s not to treat them like someone you’ve just fired, which is what your HR department did. Someone on that team has a misunderstanding of some very basic concepts.

5. I flubbed an answer to a recruiter

I just had a call with a head recruiter, and I mispoke regarding where I was in the process with other companies I have been applying to. I wasn’t used to being asked about whether or not I was actively interviewing elsewhere. I corrected the mistake quickly. Later I discovered one of the companies I mentioned had decided to wait and regroup before continuing with any candidates (it’s a small but promising startup). I let the aforementioned recruiter know via email, but it all feels sloppy. How much does a recruiter weigh into final hiring decisions? I have an in-person interview at the company next week and now I am frazzled. The phone interview with the hiring manager went well, and the call with the recruiter, which followed the in-person invite and was really about prepping for the in-person interview, is the first call I felt I didn’t sound my best. Now I am wondering if I should be worried or anxious about what role he may play in the final hiring choice.

Should I be concerned about the fact that I flubbed a bit and was flustered by the question? (I’ve been prepared for others, but this caught me by surprise) Was it a bad move to share the information about the other company that decided to wait? Does that make me seem undesirable, honest, none of the above?

You’re over-thinking it! First, it’s not a big deal at all that you didn’t have perfect info about some other company’s hiring process; no one would expect you to. (And in fact, you didn’t need to follow up and correct your answer afterwards.) Interviewers sometimes ask about where you’re at with other companies because they want a sense of whether they might have to move you through their process particularly quickly or not. Your answer doesn’t need to be precise, and even if it is, it’s common for things to change.

Second, recruiters aren’t usually a major voice in final hiring decisions; their decision-making is much more at the start of the process, where they decide who to interview and who to move forward to the hiring manager. They might still give input and relay info back and forth, but it’s highly unlikely that something like this would factor in at all.

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my coworker keeps emailing higher-ups about typos

by Alison Green on July 15, 2014

A reader in last week’s open thread writes:

How would you suggest dealing with the guy who literally emails every single higher-up he can every time he catches anyone making a typo? My boss now has to go into meetings with the big boss to account for us making typos.

Ironically, this dude is literally the worst at making typos in the entire office–about one out of every four things he sends us has incorrect information. He claims to “spot check” and blames it on the people who send them to him, but he has to retype his information and that’s all on him. He has a PhD and is higher up than us lowly clericals. Basically, we can’t yell at him to check himself (or even ask him to) or pull the same crap.

Also, he is not my boss’s direct report–he has another supervisor entirely who isn’t involved in this, to my knowledge. She has no control over what he does. He is cc’ing my boss (which is appropriate) and then her two bosses above her, who come down heavily on my boss because we have to be absolutely perfect. She’s defending us and keeping us out of the direct line of fire.

My boss is annoyed, but it seems like something we just can’t do anything about. She suggested that we have her email the higher ups every time he typos, but so far she’ll only do it if he makes a huge mistake rather than the usual “wrote down the wrong number” crap, because we look petty if we complain. But he doesn’t. In the end, I suspect there is nothing we can do about it other than to be perfect, of course.

Grrrr.

Well, first, I hope your boss wasn’t serious in suggesting that the way to respond to this is for her to email higher-ups about this guy’s typos. No one should be emailing higher-ups about random typos. (If there’s a serious pattern with public typos, perhaps then — but individual alerts about each of them, and on minor things? No.) If your boss started doing it too, it would make her look bad — and it would prevent her from being able to ask him to knock it off, which is the real solution.

She should talk to the typo-reporter and tell him that while she appreciates him bringing typos to her attention, it’s not necessary to cc several layers of management above her, as she will take care of the problem. She should add that if he’s concerned that there’s a pattern that needs attention, she’d appreciate him saying that to her directly — and if she doesn’t resolve it, he can certainly escalate his concern however might be appropriate in your office, but unless/until it’s at that point, she doesn’t think he should be wasting the time of people who aren’t charged with handling it.

She might also mention, “For what it’s worth, we find typos in about a quarter of what you send to us. We simply fix them.” (However, she should leave out that out if his job doesn’t require him to produce error-free writing and your jobs do.)

Then, she should talk to his manager about the situation and relay what she asked him to do, stressing that it’s causing tension between him and your team.

She also should take a hard look at whether there really is a problem with typos — are these truly just occasional typos that are within the expected rate of error, or is there a problematic pattern? If the latter, she should figure out what needs to change to address that.

And last, she should talk to her own manager, who’s receiving all these reports. She needs to let her manager know that either (a) yes, there is a typo problem and she’s doing ___ to resolve it, or (b) for some reason, this guy is making a big stink about minor, par-for-the-course typos that aren’t showing up in things are going to the public or otherwise need to be error-free.

But make sure that in your annoyance over this guy’s behavior, your team doesn’t lose sight of the possibility that there truly is a real problem that needs to be addressed more broadly than just fixing individual occurrences as they’re pointed out.

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your work-life balance depends on your manager’s, what email does to your brain, and other things to know this week

by Alison Green on July 15, 2014

Over at Intuit QuickBase’s Fast Track blog today, I take a look at several big work-related stories in the news right now: why your work-life balance depends on your manager’s, what email does to your brain, and more. You can read it here.

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my coworker kissed me and now his wife is emailing me, mentioning a bonus on a resume, and more

by Alison Green on July 15, 2014

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My coworker came on to me and now his wife is emailing me

Several months ago, I was at a pub after work with some workmates. Toward the end of the evening, I was aggressively cornered by one of the married men I work with (who I thought was a trusted friend). One minute he was standing next to me, and the next minute he had his hands on me and his mouth on mine. I immediately said NO and pushed him away while he protested with an entitled “Come on!” I asked him why on earth he would do such a thing and mentioned that his wife and young toddler would not appreciate his behavior. He apologized and broke down, telling me that he is having marital problems. I suggested he work on his personal problems and leave me out of it.

I went away from that incident feeling shattered that this person would betray my trust in such a way. I spent the weekend deciding what to do about it. The following week at work, I took him aside and had a follow-up chat with him. After our chat, I had a sense that he understood how inappropriate his behavior had been, and he assured me he was taking steps to deal with his problems in a more constructive way. We were able to maintain a somewhat professional working relationship, although strained at times because I no longer respect or trust him. (Incidentally, he approached me about my seeming negative attitude toward him in the workplace and I explained to him that the incident had affected my trust and respect and that with time it could improve.)

Fast forward to the present day. I received an email from his wife that read, “You kissed my husband? How could you?” I am beyond livid and I have serious concerns about this affecting my employment. What should be my next step, if any? (I should mention that I chose not to discuss the incident with anyone in my workplace and I did not report it since it happened after work hours.) I suspect he told his wife that “we kissed” because he found it a useful driver for whatever his agenda is. I cannot even begin to tell you how helpless I feel.

Tell your coworker ASAP that he needs to do whatever is necessary to ensure that you never have to hear or think about this incident again, and if that doesn’t happen, you’ll file a sexual harassment complaint with HR. Don’t get into a long conversation with him about it; it’s not up for debate. He solves the problem he created or you involve someone who will — and then follow through on that. And in fact, if you don’t get the sense during this conversation that he’s taking you seriously, go straight to HR with it. And don’t feel at all guilty about doing that; you’re entitled to have a work life free of groping hands and accusations from spouses — and that applies to interactions with coworkers outside of work hours too.

Read an update to this letter here.

2. My otherwise great intern is a sloppy writer

I am supervising a talented and driven summer intern, who is enthusiastic and conscientious in every way but one: he makes many spelling and punctuation errors and randomly capitalizes words inappropriately. I’ve asked him to proofread his work more closely, but that hasn’t fixed the capitalization issue – I tried running one of his paragraphs through Microsoft Word’s grammar checker and it didn’t catch most of the capitalizations. Also, he’s doing a lot of spreadsheet work where a grammar checker doesn’t really help.

The problem is, I don’t know whether this is caused by a learning disability or something that might be sensitive – especially since he is in college, and I can’t imagine that professors are letting this kind of thing go. I know I need to explain to him that his work looks unprofessional and that he needs to fix this; apart from the job he’s doing now, I think avoiding the issue would be a disservice to him. How should I approach this conversation?

Be direct! Don’t worry about dancing around it; it’s kinder to him to deliver clear feedback about this. (Wouldn’t you prefer it that way if you were in his shoes?) I’d say something like this: “I’m finding a number of spelling and punctuation errors in your work, as well as words being capitalized when they should be lowercase. Can we talk through some of these errors so we can figure out if it’s just an oversight that would be fixed if you proofread your work, or whether it would help to talk through what should and shouldn’t be capitalized?” And then do that — and if turns out that he’s really not clear on when he should and shouldn’t capitalize, point him to a helpful online resource like this or this.

(This has the potential to be a demoralizing conversation — it’s embarrassing to be told you don’t know how to capitalize when you’re an adult — so make sure that you’re also giving him positive feedback on the many things it sounds like he’s doing well.)

3. Rejected candidate keeps contacting me

I interviewed a candidate for a position in my company. She was not qualified, and so we moved on. After the interview, she added me on LinkedIn, and I accepted (with some reservations). Now she is constantly contacting me on LinkedIn asking about positions, such as are there any jobs, how is the company doing, and resume advice. Is it better to cut her off completely or better to say, “Don’t call us, we’ll you”?

The kindest option would be to politely ask her to stop. I’d say something like, “Unfortunately, I’m not able to respond to questions like these very often. Thanks for understanding, and good luck.”

4. Mentioning a raise or bonus on resume

Should I include the fact that I received a performance bonus and merit increase on my resume? Not the dollar amount, of course, just that I received them. If so, how should I phrase it?

Nope. You can talk about what you did that merited them, but not the bonus or raise themselves. In part this is just convention, but it’s also about the fact that other employers have no way of knowing what this really represented (some companies give raises and bonuses out liberally — which is why it’s better to focus instead of what that raise of bonus was in response to).

5. Company changed online application providers right after I applied

Yesterday morning, I applied for a job through a company website, which was connected to recruiting software. It took me to a new window to upload my resume and cover letter. After hitting the “send” button, I received an email from the company confirming the receipt of my information. Later that night, when I went back to the company website, I noticed that they changed to a different recruiting software (though the format is similar).

Now I am worried that my information may be discarded due to this change, despite the confirmation email. Should I reapply? What are possible reasons for them to make this change?

Companies periodically change software for all sorts of functions and for all sorts of reasons — you just happened to get them on the day when they were making a change-over, apparently. I wouldn’t worry about your application; they likely have hundreds or thousands in their system, which they certainly will have arrangements to transfer over to their new system.

(If you absolutely must, you could email them in a week to explain that you saw they changed software on the day you applied and you want to make sure your application didn’t get lost in the transition — but this would be more for your peace of mind than a likely need.)

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an update from our most notorious letter ever: I had to prepare a meal and entertain 20 people for a job interview

by Alison Green on July 14, 2014

Remember the letter-writer back in January who had to prepare a meal and entertain 20 people, along with 19 other people competing for a job? Of course you do — it might be our craziest, most notorious letter ever.

Here’s her update.

I’ve just landed a great job with a leading public health organization doing exactly what I want to be doing. I’ll be in the field doing real frontline public health work. It was the most casual interview process ever! I had met with the director several months ago and consistently followed up with him to see if he knew of any openings. Finally they had an opening and he remembered me. One quick phone interview and I got the job –no cooking or dancing like a performing monkey required.

Best of all, it seems like an organization that respects and appreciates their staff! Thanks for your advice. Following your website is one of the few things that kept me sane during the job search.

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what to do if you can’t find a job

by Alison Green on July 14, 2014

You’ve been sending out applications, building your network, cultivating an impressive online presence, and everything else you’ve heard you should do in a job search, but what if you still can’t find a job? That can be a terrifying spot to be in – but don’t panic. Here are five steps you can take if your job search isn’t producing results.

1. Temp. Temp agencies aren’t the reliable solution to being out of work that they used to be when the economy was better, but they’re still an option worth exploring. Your chances of getting temp work go up if you have open availability and are willing to do a wide range of work, so try to be as flexible with temp agencies as possible. If you get those first few temp jobs, you can demonstrate that you’ll show up reliably and cheerfully, which will make you more likely to start getting regular calls.

Temping will, at a minimum, give you a paycheck and something to put on your resume, but it can also build connections that can help you find job leads down the road. Some temp roles are even temp-to-perm, which can give you an inside track on a more permanent position.

2. Volunteer. Volunteering can keep your skills up-to-date, give you recent work to put on your resume where you might otherwise have a period of no activity, expose you to new fields, and expand your contacts. It can also give you early leads on upcoming openings and build your network of people who are able to vouch for your work.

Volunteering can also be a great way to build a track record in a new area of work. For instance, if you want to do web design but don’t have any work experience in that area, you might be able to find a small nonprofit that would welcome your skills – allowing you to build your portfolio and point to real-life projects in interviews. (In general, if you’re interested in doing substantive work, you’ll have more luck if you reach out to smaller organizations, which usually have greater needs for volunteers and are more willing to take a chance on someone who might be untested.)

Of course, it’s important to remember that volunteering isn’t a guarantee of anything more, and you shouldn’t volunteer if you’ll be upset if it doesn’t lead to paid work. But if you’re willing to put in the time because you support the organization you’re working, it can be rewarding in multiple ways.

3. Revamp your resume. If you’re not getting interviews, there’s a good chance that your application materials are part of the problem – and if you’re like most job-seekers, revamping your resume could make an enormous difference. Most job candidates’ resumes simply list their job duties at each job they’ve held (like “maintained website” or “managed accounts receivable”). That only tells the hiring manager what your job description was; it doesn’t reveal what hiring managers care most about, which is how you performed at those jobs. Try revising your resume to focus on what you achievedat each job (such as “increased Web traffic by 30 percent over 12 months” or “built reputation for working successfully with previously unhappy clients”).

4. Revamp your cover letter. If your cover letter mainly summarizes the information in your resume, it’s not doing its job. Your cover letter should add something new to your application about why you’d be great at the job, not just summarize your employment history. Here’s a trick: Write your cover letter as if you were writing to a friend about why you’d be great at the job. By adding some personality (and staying away from summarizing your work history), you’re likely to grab an employer’s attention and start getting more interviews.

5. Apply for fewer openings, but spend more time customizing your application. When you’re feeling desperate for a job, it’s a natural impulse to apply for everything you can find. But while this sounds counterintuitive, you might actually be lowering your chances by doing that. Your chances are getting called for an interview go up significantly if you take the time to customize your cover letter for each opening you apply for. But you can’t write 15 truly customized cover letters a day – which means that if you’re applying for hundreds of jobs a month, you’re sending applications that are overly generic. Try applying for fewer jobs and putting more time into your application for each, and see if you don’t see a difference.

I originally published this at U.S. News & World Report.

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my boss demands to know how I’m spending my time off before he’ll approve it

by Alison Green on July 14, 2014

A reader writes:

My boss has requested that I write to ask permission and give a reason why when I want to take annual leave. I don’t have a problem with this, so I wrote with the reason being “personal matters.” He wrote back saying, “I would appreciate a slightly more detailed reason for your request regarding ‘personal matters.'”

Surely I am entitled to some privacy and would had thought personal matters means exactly that, personal! The thing is, I want the time off, which I have accrued over the year, to look for a job abroad. I don’t really want my boss knowing yet though, as he has a vindictive nature. Do I make something up instead? I thought of saying my personal matter is medical related, as this is not entirely false. If I stay working there much longer, I am likely to die of depression! The job hunt would be preventative measures.

Your boss is totally out of line. You’re entitled to use your benefits — which are part of your compensation — without having to justify to him that your reason is good enough. Do you also have to provide a list of how you plan to spend your money in order to receive your paycheck? No. Same thing here.

It’s none of his business why you want time off, assuming you have it accrued, which you do.

But that’s just the law of Sane Person Behavior, not actual law. Under actual law, there’s nothing to stop him from doing this. And he’s pushing for an answer, so you have to say something. You have three options:

1. Act if he must be asking for a legitimate reason. If you were requesting time off at a particularly difficult time, it would be reasonable for him to inquire about whether you were flexible on the timing, so act as if that’s what’s happening here. For instance, you could say, “Oh, is that a bad time for me to take? I’d like to schedule a week off sometime that month — is there a better one?” If that fails, you could then move on to #2 or #3.

2. Point out that his request isn’t reasonable, by calling out what’s he’s doing. For instance, I might say, “I think I must be missing something here. Our benefits package includes X weeks of vacation time per year, regardless of how we plan to spend it, but your email made me think you see it differently. Do you really require that I give you a detailed reason of how I plan to use my paid time off?”

3. Give a reason that’s true but vague, such as”I have a family thing going on.” (We can reasonably consider your need for time off to be something that involves your family.) I’m not fan of indirect answers, but I also don’t believe you’re obligated to answer questions that are legitimately none of his business, and there’s a power dynamic here that might require you to say something. (Or, as people have pointed out in the comments, there’s no reason you can’t just say, “I’m planning a vacation abroad,” which is true.)

This dude is ridiculous, and you have my full blessing on conducting a vigorous job search.

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