Ask a Manager

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Company says they’ll sue if you lie on your resume

Here’s an unusual line that I found in a job description: “Any candidate who misrepresents their identity and/or skills may be subject to civil damages, penalties, and criminal prosecution.”

Have you ever heard of a company suing a candidate for “misrepresenting” his or her “identity and/or skills,” or trying to get a prosecutor to file charges? What would the charges even be — fraud?

From the candidate’s side, I am struggling to imagine an employment attorney taking the case if I were to reach out and say that some company lied to me when they were interviewing me or offering me a job.

Theoretically you could be charged with fraud or other crimes, depending on the specific lies. In practice, it’s very, very unlikely that you’d be sued — successfully or otherwise — for lying on your resume, unless the lie created legal issues for your employer, like if you lied about your medical credentials and your employer was sued due to your mistakes. There are some other subcategories of criminality here too, like lying about military service or lying when you’re applying for a job with the government. But those are serious lies, not just inflating your expertise with Excel or claiming your conflict resolution skills are better than they really are.

It does work the other way, too — employers can be sued if they knowingly hire you under false pretenses and you make decisions based on their promises and suffer damages as a result (it’s called “promissory estoppel”), although in practice that happens all the time and employers are rarely sued for it.

Related:
my coworker lied about her entire resume — should I tell anyone?

2. My boss doesn’t care when employees violate liquor laws

I work for an alcohol manufacturing business that has a tasting room — think winery or distillery. Sometimes the owners can be pretty free-wheeling about serving people in off-hours or giving product away, both of which are against liquor laws. They got a lot more disciplined after a big fine a couple of years ago, but that compliance has started to slip.

I recently observed a younger employee serving their friends and family after hours when the owner was not there. I feel like the risk is pretty significant, since the business could lose its manufacturing license (and thus shut the whole thing down) if a liquor inspector happens to catch this happening.

I don’t have an official role in any of this — I don’t work in or have authority on either the manufacturing or the tasting side — but I spoke privately about it to the employee I saw doing this, saying this is a bad idea, there are big risks, don’t do this. Word has gotten back to me that the owner was informed and pooh-poohed the issue.

The owner came to me yesterday and said, “You know, if you ever have any concerns you can come to me,” but did not reference anything directly. I don’t actually want to discuss it with them, since they don’t see it as an issue. I feel like I’m the Debbie downer.

I’ve worked there for a long time and I enjoy my work, but I’m so uncomfortable with this. Generally I have a pretty good rapport with the owners but this level of risk is too much for me. I think I am answering my own question and that I probably have to look for a new job, but do you have any suggestions about changing the culture if it comes from the top?

Are you absolutely sure the owner doesn’t see it as an issue? It sounds like you heard that through the grapevine, but the grapevine doesn’t always get nuance right (or even basic facts, for that matter). Before you decide to leave a job you like, I’d urge you to talk to them — so that if you do end up deciding to job search over it, you’re basing it on direct, firsthand information.

If you talk to the owner and they are indeed cavalier about the possibility of losing their license and having the business shut down, that’s a good reason to start searching; that would mean the business is a ticking time bomb. But given the consequences for them personally, I’d think there’s a decent chance that something got lost in translation — either about the owner’s stance on illegal behavior or about what they heard you saw your coworker doing. Talk to the owner and find out for sure.

As for changing the culture if it comes from the top — that’s about real enforcement of rules and consequences, which in a situation like this would usually mean a one-strike or maybe two-strike policy for employees who violate liquor laws. (Given the level of risk here, you’d almost certainly want it to be one strike.)

3. Is my last job turning off hiring managers?

Following a reduction in force at my company, I’ve spent several months on the hunt for a new role. At my last organization, I spent a decade and a half gaining one promotion after another until I had risen to a senior technical role with significant oversight and influence. While the results I drove, the trajectory of promotions I received, and the effusive positive references about my personality, leadership style, and hard skills should, I think, grab at least a few recruiters’ attention, I have had only a very small handful of first interviews and no seconds. I’m actually starting to feel envious of people going through the hell of seven rounds of interviews only to be ghosted by the hiring team!

I’ve tried countless versions of my resume, I’ve written personalized-to-hell cover letters, I’ve had consultations with a career coach who said I seem to be doing everything right. I’m worried that the problem is the industry I was in—think in the vein of companies that rhyme with “Rulaloe.” I’m not a believer in the business model and feel that the poor reputation is largely earned. However, with a chronically ill family member, I desperately needed the stability of my roles, and I found aspects of the job to genuinely feel good about.

Is it possible that the reputation of my last company carries so much ill will that I can’t be taken seriously? And if so, how do I overcome it?

There’s a good possibility that your last company is an obstacle in your job search; multi-level marketing schemes (MLMs) have a bad reputation for a reason and a lot of hiring managers are queasy about seeing them on a resume. But that doesn’t mean it will be impossible to find a new job, just that it may take longer than it might have otherwise — that you’ll need more applications and more interviews to get your next role.

It’s also possible that the length of your search has nothing to do with that! You’re getting first interviews, after all, and those are from people who see the MLM before issuing the invitation. But I’d put a lot of thought into how you’re talking about your last job in interviews; there’s a really tricky line you’ve got to walk between highlighting legitimately relevant achievements and not seeming oblivious to the shadiness of the entire business.

(It’s also worth noting that people in more mainstream employers with deep ethical problems built into the business model — see tobacco, oil and gas, etc. — get hired without issue all the time. But for a lot of people, MLMs do occupy a very specific place on the shadiness map … and they’re not as entrenched in the culture in the same way.)

Related:
will it hurt my career to work for a slimy company?

4. Asking to be exempted from in-person attendance at large department meetings

I work every weekday in my company cubicle by choice. Until recently, the rest of my department has been allowed to work zero to five days in the office. Those choosing three or less days had their desks turned into hoteling cubicles.

Recently the company decided employees can no longer work fully from home, and the department schedules quarterly “anchor days” when anyone closer than 150 miles must come in and attend an all-hands meeting in person. We are talking 100+ bodies.

I and my wife are both over 65. She has asthma and other medical issues. We have both had cancers. I have had Covid once; she has so far avoided it. I mask in public areas, run a HEPA filter at my desk, and mask if desks around me are occupied.

I asked for an exemption from physical meeting attendance (it is already zoomed for offshore employees). My supervisor and his boss have no problem with this. The department HR person bumped it to real HR, who want to discuss with me.

Is requesting no in-person meetings an Americans with Disability Act (ADA) issue? A Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI) issue? Given medical offices have stopped masking, I’m not sure I can get a doctor’s note. I do have 50+ vacation days accrued so could say I will take one each meeting day and watch from home. I do have a “nuclear option” of retiring any time, but that will reduce healthcare coverage for us both so I’d rather not.

If they can insist and skipping via vacation isn’t allowed, my only other option is to attend while standing as far from people as possible wearing an N95, then masking at home and testing until I can be fairly certain I’m safe.

I’d argue it’s both an ADA and DEI issue, although companies generally treat it only as an ADA one. However, don’t assume you can’t get a note from your doctor just because their office has stopped masking; there’s a very good chance that your doctor will be willing to give you one. So start there — and if you have to meet with HR before that happens, let them know if it’s in the works if they need it. (They may not.)

You should also point out that you’re already in the office full-time and your concern is solely about these 100-person meetings. (That could help if they’re used to looking at remote accommodations through the lens of whether someone is trying to avoid coming in at all.) Stress too that your manager and his manager have affirmed that the accommodation you’re requesting will not interfere with your work.

5. Should I follow up on my job application?

I submitted my resume and cover letter for a job on a Thursday. That Sunday, I received a response email that Sunday saying, “Thank you for your interest in the X position at CompanyName! This email is to say hello and to acknowledge that we’ve received your resume and cover letter. We’re so glad you joined the pool! We’ll be in touch in the next week about next steps.” I responded with a thank you email.

Today marks one week since this email. Should I follow up with them and how?

Nope. You applied, they know you’re interested, and the ball is in their court. Plus, it’s always smart to at least double (if not triple) any hiring timelines you’re given; hiring almost always takes much longer than the people involved anticipate.

If you absolutely must follow up, wait until it’s been two weeks — or better yet, three — since their email. At that point you can send one email reiterating your interest. But after that, put it out of your mind and move on; they’ll get in touch if they want to talk further.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Coworker obsessing over being laid off

Our company announced a couple months back that they are assessing headcount reductions.

I have a colleague on my team who I need to work very closely with to do my job. We are in many of the same meetings and are in close IM communication each day.

Since the organizational announcement, tensions are high across the board, but this colleague in particular has been obsessed. I get multiple IM’s from him every day — “Just waiting for them to send me my pink slip,” “This email I’m sending will probably be the nail in my coffin,” “I was up all night thinking about layoffs,” “My wife and I spent all weekend reviewing our finances in case I get fired.” Most meetings we’re in he makes comments like, “Well, this initiative would be great if we’re still here,” or “This won’t matter anyway because we’ll all be fired by then.”

Immediately after the announcement, I tried to be reassuring despite my own stress. After a couple of weeks, I just ignore the comments and move right on to work topics. But now it’s been two months of this and my mental health is tanking hearing this each and every day. Do you have a good script to dial this back without me coming across as being overly sensitive? It’s not healthy!

“I know you don’t intend it this way, but it makes it so much harder for me to manage my own worries when you talk about layoffs all the time! I’ve got to call a moratorium on it so I can get through the day — thanks for understanding.”

If he continues after that, remind him that you asked him to stop. It’s not cool for him to keep doing it if you tell him it’s making things harder on you. He can vent to his wife and friends outside of work! You’re in the same boat he is, and however entitled he feels to manage his stress the way he’s doing, you’re just as entitled to manage yours by not discussing the situation in every communication.

2. My coworker is ignoring me over a miscommunication

I work in a small satellite office of a larger corporation. I started six months ago and things were going really well until about a month ago.

I sensed my coworker, Lisa, was upset with me but couldn’t figure out why. I tried acting like everything was normal but the situation has just gotten worse each week. Last week, we had to talk with a supervisor about it and it went terribly. Lisa is upset with me about a misunderstanding and said she will only talk to me about work from now on.

This week she is refusing to speak with me at all. If she needs to communicate, she sends a Slack message, even though we sit in the same room. I am so stressed about going to work I feel physically ill, and the tension is palpable to everyone in the office. I am having a hard time not crying when she ignores me but talks and laughs with coworkers. My supervisors are supportive and see what’s happening and aren’t upset with me; they say they appreciate how I’m handling the situation, and to just keep doing my best to rise above it. I think they hope she will quit or transfer, but that won’t happen overnight. In the meantime, things get more awkward by the day. It’s hard for us to function as a team when someone won’t talk to you.

I am at a loss as to what I can do. I don’t think the relationship is salvageable, and other than quitting a job I like I don’t see a way out. I can’t stop tearing up and it’s just so frustrating.

Your managers suck for not handling this! They should be telling Lisa that her behavior is unacceptable and she needs to treat you pleasantly and civilly. They shouldn’t try to make her socialize with you, but they should have told her she needs to handle work-related conversations differently. It’s ridiculous that they’re sympathizing with you behind the scenes but not actually doing anything about it.

That said, your reaction to this is unusually intense! Is there any way for you to reframe it in your mind so it’s not so upsetting? Ideally you’d figure this is Lisa’s issue and if she wants to spend a lot of energy pointedly ignoring you, she’s just making herself look bad and it’s not about you. If you can’t, you can’t — but it would be a shame to end up leaving over this if there’s a way for you to move closer to just shrugging it off. I’m not suggesting you shouldn’t be bothered by it at all — of course it’s unpleasant to have someone treating you that way — but you’re giving her a lot more power over your internal state than she deserves!

3. Sending my resume months after someone offered to circulate it

My question is about the etiquette of sending in my resume late to people who have offered to take it and pass it around to people they know. I freelance in the entertainment industry, so I get jobs based on recommendations and referrals. I’m lucky enough that I’ve had a couple bosses/higher-ups let me know that they’d take my resume and pass it along to people. The problem is, I’m a major procrastinator, and it often takes me months to update my resume after someone offers. Is it still okay to send in my resume to someone, even though a couple of months have gone by since they last offered to pass it along?

It depends on whether it’s someone who knows you well, like a former boss, or someone you just met once or twice. If the latter, sending it a few months later raises the chances that they won’t remember enough about you to recall why they made the offer or to be able to talk you up in the same way they could have right after you met, and at that point it may just reflect badly on you that you took so long. I might be annoyed if I made that offer to someone I didn’t know well and they waited months to respond and then assumed the offer still stood (unless they had a compelling explanation once they resurfaced; if they’d been hospitalized or stuck in a well or similar, that would change things).

But if it’s someone who knows you well — i.e., someone who you could have reached out to on your own to ask them to do it, before they’d even offered — obviously it’s still not ideal, but you should still send it! You should acknowledge the delay, though — something like, “It’s been a few months since you offered to pass my resume along to contacts, and I hope the offer still stands! I apologize for the delay. The types of roles I’m really interested in are…”

4. Should I mention a serious problem we had with a vendor during an interview?

I was able to use your advice to brush off my resume and get an interview next Wednesday. The position will be working with a product I currently use and have a lot of experience with … not all of it pleasant. Some years back we had to briefly stop using the product due to a serious issue, think HIPAA-level privacy breach due to a problem with how the product was configured.

This was a second strike in the course of two months, and leadership asked us to temporarily pull out from using the product. The issue was fixed by the vendor, but it took about two months of security review and us using workarounds I configured. The changes made were comprehensive, and the vendor has since released a new version.

I am proud of the work I did in identifying what the issue was and creating the contingency plan. I was a key part of a working group with leadership many levels above me. It is easily my best anecdote for questions about facing adversity.

My question is, do I mention the situation during the interview? Even though I didn’t sign an NDA, I’ve always felt very hush hush about discussing the situation with staff from other clients of the vendor during user conferences. I also know that the company I am interviewing at feels the vendor has over-promised and under-delivered, which is a common feeling among their clients.

Discuss it in the interview if it comes up! It’s not like you’re badmouthing the product just to badmouth it; the experience you’re talking about directly relates to your qualifications for the job. In fact, that experience could make you a stronger candidate by demonstrating a level of experience that a lot of people won’t have! If I had concerns about a product and someone I was interviewing to work with it had a lot of experience with its weaknesses and how to work around those, I’d be pretty glad about that.

You’re under no obligation whatsoever to hide the product’s weaknesses from other companies, particularly when they’re potentially highly relevant to the work you’re discussing.

5. Is it a bad idea to include “union steward” on my resume?

Professional employees (of which I am one) at my university unionized two years ago, and we are now in the first full year of our union contract. I became a steward and have been involved in helping fellow staff navigate questions about their job descriptions and job classifications, performance improvement plans, and other issues that inevitably come up when there are big changes at an institution. I’m also on the labor/management committee that tries to proactively deal with issues that come up before they reach the level of a grievance.

In the course of working in these roles, I’ve realized they require a lot of skill: tact and diplomacy, plus knowledge of our contract and the employee handbook, and the ability to understand how they apply to a person’s situation. In some cases it also requires a kind of dogged willingness to advocate for someone when management would rather not deal. I’ve definitely felt stretched in these areas, like I am developing skills I didn’t have before, but I’ve wondered how I can represent those skills on my resume. Is it a bad idea to put “union steward,” with a list of accomplishments like a normal position, on my resume? Will I be marking myself as a potential wild-eyed rabble rouser to prospective employers?

It will hurt you with some managers who will worry that it means you’re more likely to be a pain in the ass or hard to manage. You might decide you’re happy to screen out managers with that view of unions, though.

It will help you with other managers who see unions as a positive or a neutral and who appreciate the sorts of skills you’re talking about here (but spell them out very clearly; don’t rely on people to connect the dots themselves). It will also help if you can frame the accomplishments as working collaboratively with management to improve policies, to the extent you can (as opposed to anything that sounds adversarial).

It’s four answers to four questions. Here we go…

1. I didn’t get hired because I wasn’t “high energy” enough

I interviewed with a start-up recently and I think it went well: the standard recruiter call, the hiring manager call, then a call with a would-be colleague who I’d work in parallel with.

The day after the third call, the recruiter called and said they wouldn’t be moving forward with me for the role. I asked for feedback on how I can improve, and they said there really wasn’t anything negative, just that I wasn’t as strong as other candidates. So I asked again, what could I have done better that the other candidates showed? They said I wasn’t “high-energy” enough and that the other candidates were.

I know these people don’t know me that well because we only spoke for less than two hours total, but I am a very enthusiastic and energetic person. Others have recognized this in me, both at work and in my personal life. I even texted former coworkers about this and they essentially said “ha!” when I asked if I wasn’t a high-energy person.

I don’t know what to make of this feedback. I felt I brought my authentic self to this interview process, as I do for all the others. I ended the third call saying I was excited about the role and looking forward to working together. I’ve been working in this space for a few years now so I know how to talk, act, think, etc. for this crowd. But now I’m not so sure.

Is this just recruiter BS? Is this something that’s a valid criticism? And how would I demonstrate my energy levels authentically in an interview?

I wouldn’t put a ton of stock in it. Especially because the recruiter didn’t say it until you pushed for feedback a second time, it’s entirely possible that they took an off-hand comment the hiring manager made and put more weight on it than it deserved. (For example, the hiring manager commented that she liked that one of the other candidates was high-energy, and the recruiter turned that into a deficiency on your part because you were pushing for something — when it doesn’t necessarily mean that at all.)

Of course, it’s always good to reflect on feedback, even if it seems off-base to you. But it sounds like you’ve done that.

That said, some quick thoughts on ways to demonstrate energy: varying your tone of voice/not using a monotone, smiling, nodding, eye contact, paying attention to your posture (leaning forward a bit comes across differently than leaning back the whole time), asking thoughtful questions, finding ways to make a personal connection to the position, moving with some urgency when things are asked of you (like not delaying if you’re asked to send references) … and if you’re really concerned, you could do a mock interview with someone and get their feedback. But again, it’s likely this was just a recruiter reaching for something when pushed for feedback.

2. Should I tell a younger coworker to rein in their clearly audible aggravation?

A couple teams share my office suite, and one of them currently only has two full-time members, who are both 23 years old. They’re good at their jobs, but they’ve been forced to take on a lot of extra work with no extra help. Their boss resigned months ago, and no one has replaced her yet.

As time goes on, one of them has become more and more downright contemptuous about all other teams. I see their point, but the expressions of frustration are beyond office norms. We have plenty of gallows humor, but I hear them cursing out emails from across the floor at least once a day. Today, we were in an elevator with other employees, and they were naming and shaming a C-suite boss. While walking to the C-suite floor, they loudly said one department must be illiterate.

I once had their job and really sympathize with them. And frankly, I don’t care if they hate everyone. I get it! But I feel like they’d benefit from someone saying, “I know how pissed you are. Keep the cursing to under your breath, and do not say anything bad outside our office. No one else knows our culture, and it sounds really spiteful.”

I am in no way their boss, just a colleague who’s been here many more years but is still a relatively young person. Is there any graceful way to give this note, or does it cross into unprofessional feedback they didn’t ask for?

A reasonable person would appreciate that feedback and would want to know if they were potentially causing harm to themselves. I don’t know if this particular colleague is reasonable or not, but it would be a kindness to say it. Explain you know how frustrated they are and why, and they’re not wrong to be upset — i.e., establish that you’re on their side about that part — but that they’re not doing themselves any favors by being overheard talking the way they’re talking. Give a couple of examples and explain what could happen if someone other than you heard them. If they don’t appreciate it, that’s on them, but it’s not overstepping by trying to help, particularly given how new to the world work they are.

Don’t keep harping on it, obviously; this is a one-and-done conversation, and then it’s up to them what they do with the info.

3. Employee keeps calling me “hun”

How do I address an employee who keeps calling me “hun”? While I do not believe there is malicious intent, I prefer not to be called that. This is someone who does not report to me, but I am in HR so it’s a bit weird that he feels comfortable doing so. He has only done so via email but not yet over the phone (but I know it’s coming). What makes it even stranger is that he is young (22). I’d be more inclined to let it go if were an older person, but I just can’t let it slide. It feels condescending. Any suggestions or wording to put an end to this?

“Please call me Jane, not hun — thanks!”

And if that doesn’t immediately put a stop to it, have a word with his manager because it’s highly likely he’s doing it to other people and should be told to cut it out.

4. How can I talk to my employee about accommodations for her ADHD?

My current supervisee used to be my supervisor. We both did other things for a year and returned to our company, this time in a different division, of which I’m now the lead. We had a frank discussion about the change in dynamics and so far, things are going decently well.

My question is how to talk about accommodations, if appropriate, with her. In our previous roles she had shared that she had recently been diagnosed with ADHD and other learning disabilities. I was her supervisee at the time so I didn’t ask questions. When we transitioned into our new roles, she made an off-handed comment about her diagnoses, so I asked her if there were any accommodations in place that I should be aware of. She said she didn’t need any, and was handling it.

But, she isn’t. There are lots of things falling through the cracks. She has trouble following conversation threads, misses meetings, forgets things, and doesn’t follow through. I’ve addressed each thing as they have come up and asked her input on how to improve, but because I know what I know about her, I wonder if she really could benefit from some accommodations. However, I don’t know what those would be and our history together and the potential HR issues implicated here complicate things. I sought out the advice of our HR department, but they were unhelpful.

You’ve got to use a pretty light touch when it comes to pushing someone to seek out formal medical accommodations. You should name the issues you’re seeing, and you should say that those problems are serious enough that things are at the point where you need to figure out solutions — but beyond that, the most about accommodations specifically would be something like, “I want to hear from you what you think might help, including potentially whether it’s something we could approach from an accommodations standpoint.”

You could also look at the Job Accommodation Network’s suggestions of accommodations that can be helpful for ADHD and think about whether you want to suggest trying any of those — not necessarily in the context of “this is a formal accommodation for your ADHD” but just as strategies in general (since many strategies for ADHD can be helpful in a whole variety of contexts).