Ask a Manager

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Can I use troubling info one employee gave me about another?

Can I tell an employee that I know they purposely aren’t doing something that they should?

The employee I’m referring to has been telling a coworker that she “hates” doing something that’s one of her responsibilities and has been getting others to complete it for her. Since the employee hasn’t directly said it to me, I wasn’t sure if I could say anything to her. In addition, I don’t want to betray the trust of the person who told me because I want her to feel that she was right to tell me and should feel free telling me any other items like this that I should know.

There’s no reason that you can’t use information that you got from someone else, rather than witnessing it firsthand — but unless you know for sure that it’s correct, you should either ask about it (rather than stating it as a fact) or find ways to observe it for yourself.

But usually the best way to use information that you don’t want to attribute to a particular person is to use it as “background info” to inform your thinking. In other words, now that you’ve been alerted to this, dig into it a bit to see what you find. If there’s no easy way to observe what’s happening for yourself, then try asking the employee a direct question about it. For instance: “Tell me how X is going; I know it’s not your favorite thing. Have you been completing it yourself or pulling others in?” (If she says she’s doing it herself and you doubt that’s true, then you really need to poke around further, because lying to you about it is a much, much bigger deal.)

2. Did my boss lie about extending my position?

I work as a research tech and project coordinator at a university. We’re running low on money, so my boss accepted another faculty position at a different school (in another state) so our project could continue with more funding. Some of my lab mates are moving there, most are not. There’s been some talk of keeping a faction of us here. No one knows yet if that’ll happen.

I’ve been helping my boss set up the new lab at the other school, staying in a different state for weeks at a time over this spring and summer. My position renews yearly at the end of July. My boss said he’d work on getting my position extended until the end of the year when the lab here would be shutting down. On Friday he told me point blank that position had definitely been extended at least through October.

Good, right? Except today when I reached out to HR to make sure my benefits and everything would still be intact through October I was informed that my end date is still 7/31. I had a hunch this would happen; I’ll bet my boss still thinks he can get my contract extended, and just lied and said it had happened so I’d stop bugging him.

So now what? He’s out of the country for at least a week, so I need to talk to him/confront him via email about this. I want to say if this isn’t settled in two weeks I’ll be calling my old temp agency and I’ll have them set up something for me starting 8/1. I’m sort of afraid telling him that will make him not even try to get my contract extended. Gah, I’d been looking for jobs, but not aggressively because I’d been assured this would be taken care of. I won’t even be able to go on interviews this month because I’ll be in the other location until the 30th, one day before my last day. What do I say to him?

“Hey, Bob, HR still has my end date down as July 31. I need them to update that so I’m assured of my benefits being intact through October. Can I update them about my extension?” Even better, if your answer from HR came in an email, reply to it with a note letting them know that your boss extended you, and cc your boss.

It’s possible that your boss didn’t lie to you and HR just doesn’t have updated records yet. But either way, this will flush out whatever’s going on.

3. How can I ask if I’m likely to be laid off?

My manager has just laid off multiple workers because he cannot afford to keep them. How can I ask my boss if I am next on the list?

“I know the company is in a tough financial period. Are you able to give me a sense of whether my job might need to be cut too if things don’t turn around?”

However, keep in mind that it’s pretty common for employers not to tell employees that they’re likely to be laid off — because if it doesn’t happen, they don’t want to lose good people, and because they don’t want people checking out at the exact time when they most need people doing good work. So regardless of what your manager says*, it probably makes sense to be looking for a job — not because you’re definitely going to be laid off, but because there’s enough of a chance of it that you’ll be glad you got a head start on searching if it does happen.

* Well, not totally regardless. There are some jobs — and some manager-employee relationships — where you can trust a manager who tells you that your job isn’t going anywhere. But if you’re not sure you’re in that boat, assume that you’re not.

4. Can I forward praise to my manager without looking like I’m fishing for compliments?

I work at a university and my office handles a program for out of state students (among other things). I don’t handle this program directly and usually refer people to the person who does. Last week, that person was out of the office and some parents dropped in for some answers about the program. I helped them out by answering questions, emailing them pertinent info., etc. They just responded to my email with an amazing compliment about how helpful and friendly I was and that they are excited about their child coming here with people like me working here. Should I forward this message to my boss or should I just thank the parent and move on? I don’t want to seem as though I’m fishing for compliments from her?

It’s not going to seem like you’re fishing for compliments. Managers love seeing this kind of feedback. Forward it to your boss with a note like, “We got this really nice note from some parents.”

If it helps you feel more comfortable, think of it as being about “us,” not just “me” — as in, it’s great that people are feeling so positively about your office as a whole.

5. Does this rejection mean I need to revise my resume and cover letter?

This is sort of a silly question, but I was wondering if you have any insight into the wording of this job rejection email. The email stated that “After careful consideration, we regret to inform you that this position is no longer available.” I’m a bit confused as to whether this type of phrasing tends to mean that my application was reviewed and rejected, or if I applied too late to have my application read at all. While I know that either way it’s a rejection, I’d like to know if it’s the former to figure out whether I should be presenting my cover letter and resume in an entirely different manner.

I guess my more general question is how I should be responding to a rejection in regards to future applications. Should I be revising my cover letters and resumes, or is it just that for the particular position I applied to, there were more qualified applicants regardless of how I presented my application? I suppose this isn’t something one can really know, but do you have any advice as to when and how I should be changing the way I present job applications?

That message could mean that the job has been filled, or that they’ve canceled the job altogether. But regardless of what it means, you shouldn’t be taking any single rejection message as a sign that you need to revise your application materials. You can have great application materials and still get rejected for tons of jobs — that’s normal. Of course, it’s also possible that your materials are in dire need of revision — most people’s are. This post can help with that.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Was my coworker’s email meant to be an insult?

I am a fairly young mid-twenties communications person who writes many press releases for my organization and partner organizations. I’m used to getting feedback, criticism, and even heavy editing on the pieces I write for public distribution.

However, last week a man I work with occasionally added the following line to a pretty standard email with feedback on an article I’d written: “I hope this has been a humbling experience for you.”

I wasn’t sure what to make of it, as all of the changes and corrections to the piece were pretty typical and not huge glaring problems with my writing. I have never met him in person and I have only exchanged brief emails with him. After reading his email, I reviewed all of my messages to the team to see if I had given off the impression that I needed to be “humbled”…I didn’t think so, mostly I just attached the article and asked for feedback and corrections from the group.

I always explicitly ask for and appreciate constructive feedback on my work. Was his comment just meant to be condescending? Was he just trying to reinforce the age/experience dynamic? Should I have been offended? Should I write it off and forget it? Ask him if I offended him in some way or came off as arrogant and in need of humble pie?

That’s such an obnoxious thing to say that it’s hard to think it could really be about you at all — it’s got to be about him. I’d write it off to him being a blowhard or a jerk. If, by some small chance, he’s known in your office as a kind and polite person (which I highly doubt is the case), you could certainly follow up with him and say something like, “I wasn’t sure what you meant the other day when you said that you hoped your edits were humbling for me.” But it’s far more likely that he’s just a pompous jackass and his email reflects that.

2. I don’t want to share a bedroom with male coworkers

I work for an energy drinks company and we regularly do overnight stays in hotels, or if we’re in one place for a long time, we rent a house. We are usually expected to share a room with a workmate of our own gender, which is fine. But at an upcoming work trip, I am being asked to share a room with multiple men. Being female and having the possibility of my period, I’m obviously not happy about this. Is there a UK law regarding this? Am I within my rights to demand my own room or a room with just women?

I’m in the U.S. and don’t know what UK laws are (but would be surprised if there were a law about something like this). But regardless of the law, it’s perfectly reasonable to say, “I’m not comfortable sharing a bedroom with men. I’ll need a different room and would be happy to share with another woman.”

3. Am I obligated to apply to this job?

A former contractor at my company has taken a regular position at another company in the same general field, a place where we have various ties / former companies in common—there is a lot of flow, over time, in this industry, and personal relationships can be very important. This colleague and I worked well together and attained friendly relations via telephone (we are both remote workers), and she is aware of a recent change in my department that makes the future of my own position somewhat uncertain (this is a whole other situation, but I’m dealing with it using some of your posted advice!). She knows that I am not actively seeking a new job, but could be open to new, better opportunities and may in fact need to job-search sometime in the not-too-distant future.

Last week my colleague phoned me and asked for me to email her a copy of my C.V., because her company was “interested.” I did so, thinking that this was an informal, let’s-get-acquainted situation, but then she emailed me, saying that I needed to file an online application with the company “to move things along.” The trouble is, I do not want to officially apply for a job right now—there are none in my area posted on their website, and I had thought that her request for my C.V. meant that they might be considering me in a general, strategic way (I am senior in my job function and am not looking for a generic position). Because alternate jobs in my industry are, by definition, jobs with competing companies, being “out” as a job searcher is a pretty major step. I like my current job very much, aside from the uncertain future, and definitely don’t want to risk it, except for a very clear and attractive prospect.

I don’t want to insult my former colleague or burn any bridges, but I guess I misinterpreted the meaning of “send us your C.V.”—am I now obligated to file a full application with this company? What is the professional etiquette for this situation?

You’re definitely not obligated to apply. I’d say something like this to your colleague: “I’d want to learn more about what role you had in mind before formally applying. I’m not actively looking and am happy at (current company), but I’m open to talking if there’s a good fit. Is there a good time for us to jump on the phone so I can learn more about what you were thinking of?”

4. My company wants to make me non-exempt, but I think they’re wrong

I have been at my job for ten years now. With the new minimum wage, my company has decided that I should be non-exempt instead of exempt, which I have been since day one. They say it’s because I don’t hire or fire, which is a condition of being exempt. But when I did some research, there is a lot more language attached which I feel clearly puts me at exempt under the administrative exemption, which they had not even studied. Then they say, “Well, you create, manage, and advise on budgets but you are not responsible for the budgets to balance.” Then I say, “Well, my position requires my discretion, expertise, and I must ensure contract compliance a majority part of my time.” Under these facts would you consider my position exempt?

I have no way of telling from this whether your position should be exempt or not — but it’s really up to your company if they want to treat you as non-exempt. They can’t treat you as exempt when your position meets the requirements for a non-exempt one — but they can absolutely do the reverse and treat you as non-exempt. Non-exempt means that you’re not exempt from the federal Fair Labor Standards Act, and that you’re therefore required to be paid overtime (time and a half) for all hours worked over 40 in a given week. That’s generally a good thing, not a bad one. If they want to make you eligible for overtime, why not embrace it?

The downside, of course, is that you could be paid less in weeks where you work less (although many companies won’t do that, particularly in professional environments). But ultimately, if your company wants to treat you as non-exempt, they can do that (as long as they’re consistent about it and don’t change it from one pay period to the next as it suits them).

5. Applications want my supervisors’ titles, but they didn’t have titles

It seems that in addition to a resume, many places are requiring an online application, where a common fill-in-the-blank is “supervisor’s title.” But what do you put if you’ve worked in private residences as a domestic worker, personal assistant, etc., and your boss has no title? Is it a big deal to leave this section blank?

No, it’s totally fine to leave it blank. If it won’t let you, you could put Owner or Manager (and they were a manager in respect to you, so it’s not totally inaccurate), but it’s not a big deal either way.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Coworker keeps calling me a silly nickname, even though I asked him to stop

We have a new employee that started in our safety office. My name is Linda, but he has started calling me “Lindog.” From the first time he called me that, I asked him to stop. I’m 54 and he’s 22, but we are peers. I have tried to relax when he calls me that, but Friday was so embarrassing when another employee heard it and snickered covering his face and whispered “Lindog” as they left the building. I finally wrote him to stop and spoke to my boss to gain a different perspective and see if I may be being to sensitive and should relax. My two sons, husband, and boss felt it was disrespectful and now this guy is not speaking to me and his boss has decided to ignore me too. It seems I have created a bigger problem. Should have let him continue calling me this? I’m confused. Any wisdom to help an uncomfortable situation?

I don’t know that the nickname itself was rude when he first used it — some people are nicknamers, and it’s more likely to be a sign of friendliness than anything else. But it’s rude to continuing calling someone something after they ask you to stop, so he’s absolutely in the wrong for not stopping once you asked him to — and the whispering and snickering with the coworker is rude too. That said, your best bet is probably to let it go at this point — he’s already shown that you disliking it isn’t going to make him stop, and I think you’ll come across as overly focused on it if you keep complaining. Can you try reframing it in your mind as a friendly, albeit misplaced, gesture? And honestly, if you can pull it off, giving him a nickname too (in a friendly way, not a hostile way) might defuse the whole thing.

2. My boss isn’t doing his work and it’s impacting me

I am an entry-level graphic designer at a small tech company. Part of my job is answering phones and emails, interacting with customers, and following up on projects that the rest of the team is working on. My boss, the owner, is the senior designer but doesn’t handle much design work anymore. (I began this position last year when he was working full time – now he works two or three days a week.)

Recently, I’ve had problems with my boss not taking responsibility for the work he’s supposed to be doing. For example, a client we’ve worked with before specifically asked to work with him. I gave my boss the project outline, and he said he’d call her later that day. Four days later, she called and accused me of never forwarding her request to him – he had never called her back as he said he would. This was embarrassing on my end and made me look like a fool. Other examples include not meeting project deadlines and giving out the wrong quotes – and expecting me to handle our clients’ negative reactions. This has happened on several occasions in the past month. I’ve begun following up with him to see if he has followed through with projects. The response is something like “I’ll get to it later” and “Just focus on your projects.” His behavior is making me look bad, and it’s hurting our business. I have spoken to coworkers about this, but it’s not really affecting them much, so they don’t see it as a major problem. How can I approach my boss about this without stepping outside my bounds? Or is this something I should let go?

Well, it sounds like you’ve tried and have been rebuffed. Your boss has pretty clearly told you that he want to handle this stuff (or not handle it, more accurately) on his own, and that he doesn’t see it as your role to follow up on this type of thing. Ultimately, that’s his prerogative, even if it hurts his business.

Read an update to this letter here.

3. I’m not getting the training I was promised when I took this job

The description of the city job I applied for (and was hired for) stated that I must be certified in two areas within one year. These are certifications that the city pays for. However, after starting the job and having now been with them for 6 months I see that not one single person in my department has been to ANY training nor do they posses any of the certifications (no wonder things are a mess) and it doesnt look good for the future.

One of the reasons I accepted this position was to have access to this training. I want to become further educated, I want to have the knowledge and skills to do my job at a higher level. If I could afford to pay for the training and time off of work I would. (By the way, these are short and fairly inexpensive schools.)

When I have mentioned this to my manager and director I was told “down the road, in the future, one of these days we will get ‘everyone’ certified,” etc. How do I approach this topic with my boss? I am thinking of writing a formal letter requesting training. I know this will see like a bit of a jab to her but I am really serious.

Unless you’re in a remarkably formal environment, writing a formal letter about this would be weird. Instead, just address it face-to-face: “One of things that drew me to this job was the ability to do these trainings. I’m getting the sense that it’s not something that will definitely be happening in the foreseeable future. Is there any way around that? I’d really like to do these courses.”

4. Should I mention that I spent a few hours with the hiring contact a few years ago?

A job I want at a small college library has come up, and I realized I recognize the name of the person the application documents are to be addressed to. She’s someone I shadowed for an assignment while I was in grad school (our interactions come down to an email and chatting for three hours during her evening shift three years ago). I don’t know if she’d remember me, and I’m not sure if it’s helpful or relevant to include in a cover letter that we met previously. If I make it to the interview level, would mentioning it help me be memorable or would it be out of left field? The fact that I gained the degree doesn’t push me above any other applicants, since it’s one of the base requirements, but the fact that I shadowed her before might make it obvious that I’ve always been interested in working in an academic library in a small college. If you were me, would you mention it in the cover letter, during an interview, or not at all?

There’s no harm in mentioning it. I wouldn’t do it in your application, since the extent of your acquaintance isn’t significant enough to warrant space in your cover letter, but after you apply, send her an email letting her know that you did, reminding her who you are, and telling her how much you appreciated her help a few years ago.

5. Job searching when I’m going to need time off for a honeymoon and surgery

I’m about halfway through a 6-month contract at a major university, which will end on September 10. It’s a maternity leave replacement, and I have every reason to expect that the woman I’m replacing will return at the end of her mat leave. I’ve already asked my boss if it would be okay for me to go to a few interviews in the last 3-4 weeks of the contract, and she’s agreed so long as I give her advance notice, so normally everything would be fine.

Here’s the rub: I’m getting married on October 26, taking a honeymoon until November 5, and at some as-yet-unscheduled time in November I will probably be having minor surgery that will require me to take about 4 days off work for the initial recovery. Obviously this is quite a lot of time to take off at a very new job — about 12 working days in a short period of time, when I’d only have started a month or two before.

I’m trying to figure out if there’s any way to negotiate so much time off at a new job during the hiring process, or whether it would just be better to wait until November and start job hunting after all the craziness dies down. I’d rather not set myself up for two months (at least!) of unemployment, but I’m not sure if it would come off as naive to tell a potential new boss, “By the way, I need 2-3 weeks of unpaid time off in my first few months.”

It’s true that 2-3 weeks of time off in your first few months is a lot, but you have pretty understandable circumstances: getting married and having surgery. I’d go ahead and job search now. If you get an offer, explain this situation and try to negotiate the time as part of the offer. Worst case scenario is that they don’t agree and you’re stuck job-searching when you get back — but that’s the other option here anyway, so you have nothing to lose.