Ask a Manager

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. I give off nervous, desperate energy in interviews

I got told I am giving off a “nervous energy” and coming off too desperate in interviews. I asked a recruiter I am working with and they said I am calling a lot and it comes off as desperate and anxious and that I should dial back the nervous energy and that I tend to talk too fast, ramble on and go all over the place, go off on tangents and not stick to my point. How can I improve this about myself and not give off this nervous energy? I think they are right because I am working on myself in general and I notice I get very impatient and interrupt people too much because I am too impatient to say what I want to say.

It’s hard to change the type of energy you give off, but it’s pretty easy to change specific actions. Since you’re calling too much, stop the calls. (In fact, why are you calling at all? They’ll contact you if they want to get in touch.) Since you know you interrupt, get more vigilant about stopping that (you can control this if you truly believe you need to). And since you’re talking too fast and rambling, that’s something you can practice getting better at — sit down with a list of common interview questions (and throw in some weird ones too for variety) and give yourself 90 seconds to answer them. Time yourself. Keep practicing until you get better at it.

You can change all of this stuff if you really resolve to. And I think once you do, the overall feel of your energy will change too.

2. Should my old boss have input into my evaluation now that we’re peers?

I was recently promoted and assigned to a new project that will be implementing new policies, processes, and procedures for our company. Previously, these tasks were the responsibility of my former boss. My new role has resulted in us now being on the same level, but with me being more involved in the ongoing decisions and at the same time defining the future processes. As would be expected, my former boss is clearly apprehensive about what this means about his future at the company. He has directly asked me how my role affects him. I also suspect, although cannot confirm, that my former boss applied for the same position I did, but for which I was selected instead.

Our boss (we both report to the same person) has stated that since the promotion happened so close to the review time, my former boss would be doing part of my performance review. My concern is that I may not receive an impartial review if my former boss holds any resentment or concern that his job may be eliminated. What, if any, recourse do I have regarding this?

It’s reasonable for the person who was your boss for most of the the review period to have input into your review. However, if you’re genuinely concerned that he’ll be biased against you because of his essential demotion and your promotion, one option is to discreetly talk to your new boss. I’d say something like, “I’ve gotten the sense that Bob is apprehensive about what these changes mean for him, and I’m a little worried about how that might show up in my evaluation.”

3. Interviewer told me it’s “common practice” to let your current manager be called for a reference

I interviewed last week for a federal government position that I’m really interested in. The federal application site has a section that you can check if you don’t want your current supervisor contacted, which, of course, I checked. The interviewer mentioned this and asked for his contact information and I was sort of caught of guard and said I’d email her later.

As soon as I got back to my computer, I looked up your previous advice and determined that I would not give her my current supervisor, but would provide all my previous supervisors and make that clear. I wrote that I did not want to jeopardize my current position by letting my current supervisor know I’m job searching and provided for her a list of references — all previous managers and indicated I could provide others as well if needed.

She called me today to ask why I wouldn’t want to have my current supervisor contacted since that was “common practice” and why I felt like my job would be in jeopardy if I let them know I was job searching — as if she suspected that I was already in jeopardy of losing my job. I said something like I don’t know what they’d do with that information, but my understanding was it was common practice in the private sector not to contact current supervisors without a job offer. I said if it was absolutely necessary I would talk to my supervisor but it was my preference not to.

I feel like my refusal to jeopardize my current job has just taken me out of the running for this one and I’m just so confused about this one. Your previous advice seemed to indicate that most hiring managers would understand not contacting the current supervisor, but I think she thinks I’m hiding something by refusing. What could I have done differently in this situation?

This is probably about the fact that she’s in the federal government, where this isn’t as much of a big deal — but she appears to have no understanding of how this works outside the federal government, where it is indeed normal to ask that your current employer not be alerted that you’re job-searching. I’m not sure if you have any hope of convincing her since doesn’t sound all that open to hearing that she’s wrong, but you could try saying, “My experience in the private sector has always been that current employers are rarely contacted, since so many employers push employees out if they learn they’re job searching. I realize that’s different than in government.”

4. Telling a student worker that she’s dressing inappropriately

I manage student workers in a college setting with no formal dress code. Our employee manual asks us to dress neatly, cleanly, and appropriately. The informal one we seem to follow that I have picked up on is no very short shorts or skirts, and little to no cleavage. I really have no desire to create a dress code for my 2 student workers!

I have a student who dresses borderline inappropriately, but I need help to figure out how to talk to her about it. I am pretty sure it is because a) she has never worked in an office before and b) she does not really notices subtleties of the things around her. She also does not have very much money. Today she is wearing really short shorts, and she is tall and has a lot of leg, so it is pretty noticeable and I really struggle with saying things that are clear (she doesn’t pick up subtleties like how big my eyes got when I saw her) but don’t sound mean or embarrassing to her.

The easiest way to handle this would be to give your student workers a dress code. By doing that, you’ll less frequently be in a position of having to make individual, case by case judgments. Write up a simple dress code (no short skirts or shirts, no visible cleavage, etc.), and then send it around to them with a request that they follow it from now on. Then, if they don’t, you can point to the dress code and ask them to comply with it.

It sounds like you don’t want to give them a dress code out of a concern that it’s too heavy-handed, but workplace dress codes are really pretty normal — and are often kinder than leaving people to figure it out without guidance. Since it’s clear that there are things that aren’t acceptable there, why not spell those things out for people?

But if you’re adamantly opposed to that, then sit down with her and say, “I want to talk to you about our dress code. The employee manual leaves it pretty vague, so it can be hard to figure out. Basically, it means no short shorts or skirts — just above the knee is fine, but no higher — and no low-cut shirts. If you’re ever unsure, just ask — I know figuring this stuff out when you’re first in the work world isn’t always straightforward.”

5. My interviewer wasn’t there when I arrived so I interviewed with someone else

The person I was suppose to interview with called in sick (nobody called me) and I showed up and had to interview with someone that did not have a clue about the position. How do I request another interview with the correct person?

Send an email saying something like this: “I really appreciated the opportunity to talk with Jane yesterday. She was able to tell me a great deal about X and Y but less about the teapot cleaner position itself. I’d love the opportunity to reschedule with Bob if it’s convenient for him — I’m looking forward to talking in more detail about how I’d approach the teapot role.”

That said, be aware that ultimately they might not choose to reschedule it — because they trust the person you met with to make decisions, or because they’re moving forward with other candidates, or because they’re just disorganized. But if you get offered a job with them, you can certainly ask to meet with the person you’d be reporting to and ask questions of them then.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My boss told me not to say I “lead” the team, even though I do

This is my first management position, which I’ve been in for about 6 months, and I’ve tried to mind the new social responsibilities that come with the position (understanding that everything I say will be examined under a microscope, at least more so than when I was in a non-manager position, etc). So I’m wondering if maybe this is just another rule I wasn’t yet aware of, or if I’m in fact being given odd advice.

I will be giving a talk at a company off-site meeting in a couple weeks, consisting of about 200 attendees. As part of our preparation, all speakers at this event are required to practice their talk twice in front of some coworkers. Yesterday was my first practice session, which included my boss in the audience. I began my talk introducing myself like so: “Hi, I’m Wakeen, and I lead the Ceramic Team here at Teapots Inc.” After the talk, my boss privately mentioned to me that he prefers I introduce myself as “on the Ceramic team” as opposed to “lead the Ceramic team”.

As a woman in a male-dominated industry, I worry that introducing myself as “on” the team is going to read as me not speaking confidently about myself and my position. Even disregarding the gender aspect, if anyone introduced themselves to me as “on” a team, and then I later found out that they were the manager, I would find that slightly odd. For whatever it’s worth, about two-thirds or so of the off-site attendees will already know me, so there will be a decent amount of people for whom this is my first introduction.

Does it sound arrogant to introduce myself as “leading” the team? Should I indeed say “on” instead? Or perhaps there’s a more elegant alternative altogether? I could say I “manage” the team, but I worried that was a little too stuffy for an audience where some people will already know me. Lastly, if “lead” was indeed a gaffe, was it big enough that I should apologize to the team directly? They were also in attendance at the practice talk.

Just to be clear, you do actually lead the team, right? If so, this is baffling; it’s totally normal to introduce yourself that way, and it’s the most straightforward way to communicate your role. So I’d go back to your boss and try to get a better understanding of where he’s coming from. I’d say, “After we talked the other day, I realized I wasn’t totally clear about why you suggested not saying I lead the Ceramic team, and I wondered what felt off about that to you.”

It’s possible that your boss just has weird sensitivities around this for reasons that aren’t about you, and if it’s just a bizarre eccentricity, that’s good to know about. But if there’s something else going on here, you want to know that too.

2. Should I mention that my manager seems to be blogging during the workday?

The assistant superintendent at my workplace seems well-liked by the superintendent, but she is generally disliked by everyone else. She claims to be very busy, but I recently discovered (during off-hours, online sleuthing) that she maintains a blog. The posts are relatively long and detailed. For the most part, blog updates appear to be posted during work hours.

I understand that this could be explained in that she does most of the writing at home and does the posting/finalizing during a break, but I strongly suspect she is doing much of the writing at work. Her breaks are not at set times, so it’s difficult to prove. Is this worth bringing up to anyone? Should I just keep a record of the post dates and times in case it becomes important? I know I sound malicious; she has a good chance of promotion when our superintendent leaves, and I fear this will have disastrous consequences for the whole organization.

Is she writing inappropriate things about work? If not, this really isn’t your business and there’s nothing to report. Blog posts can be set in advance to automatically publish at certain times (I set all mine to auto-publish the day before, and sometimes even earlier); there’s no reason to assume she’s not doing the same.

3. Should I warn my coworker that he shouldn’t apply for my job?

I am leaving my job, and there is a rumor that a colleague in a different office in the org. is being considered as a replacement. I think he would be great in this position. He is very capable and creative. Even so, I feel like I should warn him about the position. He and I both experience similar frustrations in our jobs (lack of money, autonomy, staff resources, etc), and I don’t think my job is going to give him the move up he is wanting.

I don’t know him that well, but I really want to tell him, “Look, you’ll be great at this job, but it will provide the same frustrations you have now. If you’re fine with that, make sure you ask for more money and at least one more FTE for you to make it worth your while.” Would it be appropriate to send him a warning?

It sounds like the two of you have talked about his work frustrations in the past, so it wouldn’t be weird to tip him off to this kind of thing. And even if I’m interpreting that wrong and you haven’t talked about it, there’s nothing wrong with offering to talk about the job with him and tell him the good and the bad (which every job has, after all).

However, when you say “send,” I assume you’re talking about email — in which case, no, don’t do that. That isn’t a conversation for email. Talk in person.

4. Should I use vacation time for my last few days at work?

I’ve given notice at my job. I gave about 3.5 weeks, and now I’m am struggling to stay motivated. I have a bit of vacation that I could use (it would just be paid out if I don’t use it), so that I could take of the last day or two of work. I’m so tempted, but would it be a mistake?

You’d need to clear it with your manager in advance, and many companies have policies that prohibit using vacation time during your last few weeks of work — they want you there to assist with the transition, which is what notice periods are there for. If you’re leaving things in good shape and your manager is fine with you taking those days, there’s no inherent reason not to — but I wouldn’t assume that your manager won’t mind, since in many jobs (where transition time is important), that request would understandably be turned down.

5. Did I mishandle phone tag with an employer?

I’m in my mid 20’s and have been rather lucky getting jobs so far. So I’m not that strong on interview etiquette, especially on returning phone calls. (And it doesn’t help that phoning people is a very strong trigger for my anxiety.) During my last (unsuccessful) job search, over a year ago, I was contacted for an interview. The person left a message on my answering machine. And I phoned back and left a “hi, this is (my name) returning your call” message. I think it was a day later and a few phone calls (spaced at least an hour a part) later I left another message, letting the person know I would be at home for the rest of the day, and to call when it was convenient for them (it wouldn’t have sounded or worded this calm, and I was nervous and stressed at the time). Of course they didn’t, but I did finally get into contact with this person. But I realize (and did so soon after leaving the message) that what I said was the wrong thing to say/do.

What is your suggestion for situations like this? Is there any way to prevent “phone tag” from happening on the applicant’s end? (I had a really hard time getting into touch with this person, which is mostly understandable, as they have a lot of responsibilities, but it was very frustrating.)

I’m not sure what you think was wrong with your message; it sounds pretty normal to me. If anything here was wrong, it was the multiple phone calls an hour apart — that’s a little too much, and in the days of Caller ID can rub people the wrong way. But phone tag is sometimes a normal part of this, just like it’s a normal thing when you’re trying to get in touch with anyone, in a business context or a personal one. You call, you leave a message saying you’re eager to talk to them, you tell them when they’re most likely to be able to reach you (offering as a wide a block as you can), and you hope you manage to connect. Sometimes it ends up not happening, but that’s not really within your control.

Read an update to this letter here.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Staying with friends when an employer flies me out for an interview

I recently had a great phone interview for a position half way across the country, and will be flying out there in a few weeks for an in-person interview. I have some close friends in the area that I almost never see. I was planning on staying with these friends, but I failed to mention to it to the company and I realized when they sent my flight confirmation they had also booked me a hotel. Would it be ok to tell the company I won’t need the hotel room? On one hand, I could save them some money, but on the other I’m worried about it looking like I’m using the interview as a vacation.

It’s totally fine to tell them that you’ve arranged to stay with friends while you’re there and thus won’t need the room. Unless you’re dealing with an incredibly kooky employer, it won’t cross their minds that you’re just trying to get a free trip. This is a totally normal thing to do.

2. Should I recommend a former coworker for a job if I liked her work but others complained about her?

At my last job, I was treated pretty badly and I quit. A colleague of mine who still works there has also been struggling there lately and wants to quit. I was recently hired at a new company and they asked if I knew anyone who specialized in finance. I thought of my colleague right away, but didn’t say anything. I want to help a colleague out (especially since I know what she is going through), but I didn’t even start the job yet. Also, although I have always got along great with her, others have complained about her being fussy. I want to protect myself at this new job (I had been out of work for months), but I feel bad for not passing along this opportunity to her. Also, if they don’t like her, I feel they may take it out on me. What are your thoughts?

If you can genuinely vouch for her work and think she’s good, recommend her. They explicitly asked you for recommendations, after all. But if you have reservations about her work or style, then yeah, you don’t want to stake your reputation on someone you have qualms about. One middle ground is to give them the full story on her — good and potentially not as good. (For instance: “She’s amazing at X and Y and I’ve always found her easy to get along with, but I know that some people found her overly process-oriented.”)

3. Am I a shoo-in for this job?

I interviewed for a job back in March that a girlfriend of mine recommended I apply for. She was on the interview committee and, while I didn’t get the job offer, I was told that I made their list of top three candidates. The reason I didn’t get the job was because the hiring manager already had someone else in mind for that role, but he did tell my friend that he thought I’d be a great fit for a similar role in the near future.

That near future is now. Two similar roles have posted and the hiring manager told my friend to specifically let me know about it and that he plans to fill these positions quickly. Given these circumstances, is it wrong for me to feel like I’m a shoo-in? And would I have to go through the entire interview process again since the job responsibilities are the same as the previous opening I applied for and I had made the top 3?

Definitely don’t assume you’re a shoo-in. They could decide someone else is a stronger candidate, or that for this role they want a skill that they didn’t care about last time, or they could decide to hire the manager’s recently out-of-work friend. Or they could be ready to hire you but get turned off by the sense that you’re assuming it’s yours!

Whether or not they’ll want you to go through the whole interview process again is really up to them. Some employers will, and some won’t. The hiring manager might want to interview you again so that your conversation is fresh in his mind to compare to other candidates, or might want to talk to you about some concern that he didn’t fully explore last time, or maybe there are different aspects to this role that he wants to talk with you about.

Basically, treat this like a whole new hiring process. If they do short-circuit it, that can be a pleasant surprise — but definitely don’t assume it.

4. Why would a position be mysteriously canceled?

Back in March, a position (city employment) was advertised for about a month, closed, and then re-advertised at the end of May “to increase the pool of qualified applicants.” The job posting closed at the beginning of June, and I was selected, according to my online application status, for an interview. However, when two weeks went by with no official invitation to interview, I contacted HR, and was told that the job posting was no longer available, although HR refused to specify why.

It seems somewhat bizarre to me to advertise a job, re-advertise said job, select candidates for an interview, and THEN decide not to fill the position. I was just curious if you had any insight into a possible explanation as to why the job might have been cancelled, and why HR refused to specify a reason for the cancellation. If it is budget cuts, why not say that? Or, perhaps the individual currently in the position decided not to leave, and if that’s the case, why not say so?

So many possible reasons! It could be a budget issue, or they’re reconfiguring the position, or they’re moving someone internal into it, or it’s on hold while they figure out some question related to it, or they don’t want to open it until some favored candidate is available to apply, or the person who manages the role left and they want to bring the new manager on first, or all sorts of other things too. HR might have declined to tell you the reason because they didn’t happen to know off the top of their heads, or because it was more detail than they wanted to give a random caller, or who knows why. It’s very hard to truly know this stuff from the outside.

5. Alerting a prospective employer that I’m about to be away for two weeks

I travel a fair amount for work, and I am also job hunting. I just had an interview for a position and know that the process involves a second in-person interview. In ten days, I’ll be leaving on a business trip for two weeks. Should I make the hiring manager aware of my schedule? I was thinking of sending a follow-up thank you email saying something to the effect of: “I will be traveling internationally from X to Y dates. I’m available to meet in person at your convenience before I leave or after returning, and I can be reached by phone or email while I’m out of town.” Is that a good idea, or is it better to wait until I’m invited for a second interview? I don’t want to give them any reason not to move forward with my application, nor do I want to seem presumptuous, but I would think it’s considerate to make them aware that my schedule might not fit with what they have in mind for the hiring process. It’s also highly likely that, at some point in my job search, I’ll be committed to a two-week trip that conflicts with an interview invitation. Do you have any advice for dealing with this situation?

Yep, that’s totally reasonable to do. It’s not presumptuous — you’re not calling to schedule an interview so you can get it done before you leave; you’re just letting them know about your schedule because it might make their lives more convenient to know in advance.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. I missed a flight and want to lie to my boss about it

I went on a trip to Mexico for business and overslept for my early morning returning flight. I paid the fee to change the time out of my own pocket rather than using the owners credit card. I am tempted to tell the owner if he asks that my flight was cancelled so as not to appear unreliable. I am worried that the airlines notified him as the ticket was booked in my name but on his credit card. Can the airlines notify a third party like that just because they paid the ticket? I dont want to get caught in a lie.

Don’t lie – not because the airlines are likely to notify him (they aren’t), but because lying reflects far worse on you than missing a flight does. Lying gets you fired, ruins your reputation, and — maybe most importantly — makes you a liar. The lie has to be discovered for those first two, but why risk it?

That said, I don’t think you’re obligated to proactively announce what happened, assuming it didn’t impact your work. But if you’re asked, you should explain honestly and make it clear it won’t happen again.

2. What type of kitchen supplies should an office provide?

I recently became manager of my regional office. One of the items I was not prepared for was the requests for the office to pay for “fringe” office supplies. We are a regional office with 10-12 employees and are currently losing money this year (as a region). We have a small “kitchen room” with a refrigerator, coffee maker (K-cup), sink and microwave. I have been asked to have the office purchase coffee K-cups (we have 2 coffee drinkers), bottled water, paper plates, plastic forks/spoons, etc. I have been in this office for 8+ years and know my previous manager would not have approved. However, I am thinking the cost for the year would be $200-$300. What sets the limit for expenses that the office should bear?

It’s a judgment call, but the sort of thing you’re describing is so typical for offices to provide that I wouldn’t generally even question it. $300 a year for kitchen supplies is unlikely to make a difference in your office’s overall budget, and typically providing these items is seen as a way to make employees’ lives slightly more comfortable.

That said, your office has never supplied this stuff so I suppose that it’s not outrageous if you choose to simply continue that policy … but typically the morale hit that petty cuts like this cause (if it were a cut, which I realize it’s not) cost you way more than $300.

3. Employer wants access to my medical records

I was just offered a senior-level position with a family owned company. The offer letter stipulates the usual background check and drug screen conditions, but they also added a clause stating they reserve the right to view my medical history / records. I’ve never heard of this and I think it is quite invasive. I really don’t want them to know that my doctor prescribed an anti-depressant for me in the past – it just isn’t their business. Have you heard of this clause before and is this acceptable?

It’s illegal under federal law. Employers aren’t permitted to ask you to answer medical questions before making an offer, although they can make the offer contingent upon you passing a medical exam or answering certain specific medical questions (but the exam and questions must be required of all employees in the same type of job; they can’t pick and choose who they require it of). After you begin work, they can ask medical questions if and only if they need medical documentation to support your request for an accommodation, or if they have a bona fide concern that you’re not able to perform the job safely because of a medical condition.

I recommend asking them to give you more context on the medical history language, and adding, “I know federal law prohibits those inquiries except in very limited circumstances, so I wasn’t sure what it referred to.”

4. Passing along a resume without vouching for the person

A friend of mine (let’s call her Penelope) let me know that she has a friend (let’s call her Carmen) who is looking for a new job in the area that I work in. I asked Penelope to send me Carmen’s resume and told her that I would check if there are any openings in my department. Looking at Carmen’s resume, I think she is a viable candidate for an open position in my department. I emailed the job requisition link to Penelope and told her that Carmen could apply for the job through there.

Afterwards, I learned that Carmen had actually already applied for the job – I don’t know how long ago, though. I know that applications can sometimes get lost in the HR shuffle and that it is sometimes more beneficial to directly email the hiring manager a resume. Knowing this and also recognizing that I cannot vouch for Carmen, as I do not know her, how can I tactfully email Carmen’s resume to the person in my department who is hiring for this position? The person hiring is a director who I do not work with; our interactions mainly consist of saying “hi, how are you” to each other whenever we pass each other in the hall. I know that it can be frustrating looking for a job and that often just having the right connection can do wonders, so I am just trying to help out by being a connector (but not a recommender).

“I wanted to pass along Carmen Smith’s resume as a potential candidate for the XYZ position. I’ve never worked with her and actually don’t know her personally, but we have a mutual friend, so I offered to send it along to you directly. I think she’s applied online as well.”

5. Can I volunteer to be laid off?

I am currently 34 weeks pregnant and working for a construction company in California. The projected complete date for this project is August 7th and the baby will be born at the end of July. With maternity leave and disability, I will not be returning to the job until late October. Even with the project rumors saying there is a good chance the project will be postponed again, there are a massive amount of layoffs happening to where the joke is Mondays and Fridays are layoff days. This is construction work, so it is known that you could be either transferred to another job site or laid off when your work is no longer necessary. My hubby is one of those employees recently laid off.

Is it illegal or unethical to volunteer to be laid off? I am considering being a temporary stay-at-home mother while my children are both young, and finishing school and relocating to another state while I have the chance. If I do volunteer for a layoff, does this make me ineligible for unemployment? Another rumor is that this company never denies unemployment.

There’s nothing illegal or unethical about volunteering to be laid off, if your company is planning to make cuts. There is something unethical about quitting and asking the company to call it a layoff so that you can get unemployment — because that’s a fraudulent benefit claim. But if your company is planning to make cuts anyway, they’re often relieved to get volunteers and you could save someone else from being cut. (That assumes, of course, that your position is one they can cut — cuts usually target specific positions, and not all are eligible.)