our European clients are sneering at my American colleagues’ table manners

by Alison Green on June 26, 2014

A reader writes:

I have a question which might be classified as an etiquette problem, but as it happened at work I thought you might have some insight on how to handle it. I work in an international business where dinners with our European clients are regular. As I am not a U.S. citizen, I have often been included in jokes from our client where they deride the dining practices of my U.S. colleagues. An example of a recent point of ridicule was the U.S. practice of eating from a fork in the right hand after having just cut the food with their fork in the left hand and how “uncivilized” they appeared in doing so.

Having lived in the U.S. now for some time, I am relatively immune these days to even noticing this sort of thing but I do remember when I first came to the U.S. also thinking that quite a few people had failed to learn basic table manners and cutlery proficiency, and judging them based on that perception.

I mentioned this to my team (containing both those who report to me and those who I report to) and suggested that they perhaps be more aware of how they were being perceived and change their eating habits. This was met with open hostility. Not only did they disagree that there was a need to alter their behavior, they thought it was the Europeans who were being intolerant and rude.

I think the obvious course here is for me to let it go, but at the same time I feel as if, especially when visiting in Europe, it is our team who is being culturally insensitive. These same colleagues have changed their eating and other behaviors to match our Asian counterparts on past projects. Is this something I should press or let it go? And how should I respond when the client makes another joke about it?

I’d let it go, at least for the meals that are happening in the U.S.

I think it was totally reasonable to point it out — once. But you did, it was met with jeering, and I don’t think you’re going to get anywhere by pushing it.

I suspect what you’re running into is twofold: first, a feeling (which might be uniquely American, for all I know) that table manners are guided by the norms of the country where the meal is taking place — so your colleagues probably figure that if they’re dining in the U.S., then U.S. table manners reign; and second, a lack of concern about utensil rules that many Americans perceive as being rooted in snootiness.

However, when you’re talking about meals that take place in Europe, it’s perfectly reasonable to say, “Hey, this is a cultural difference that we should be aware of, just like we do X, Y, and Z when we’re working with clients in Asia.” From there, it’s up to others whether to act on that knowledge or not, and you shouldn’t keep pushing it — except with your direct reports, where you actually do have jurisdiction on this stuff. With them, it’s your prerogative to say “this is part of having a polished presentation when we work with clients in other cultures, and we’re going to adapt to that, just like we do with other cultural differences.”

As for what to say to the clients who you hear sneering about this, I’d go with a mild “it’s actually not considered incorrect here; it’s a different etiquette rule.”

And for the record, the clients are being rude themselves, since it’s rude to sneer about other people’s manners — and even a bit unsophisticated, since the cultural difference on fork-switching is well-known and shouldn’t be so astonishing to them.

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tales of office busybodies: your nosiest coworkers

by Alison Green on June 26, 2014

Most office have at least one nosy coworker – that person who asks inappropriate questions about your personal life, constantly comments on what you eat, or tries to find out what every closed-door meeting is about. Sound familiar?

I recently asked readers to share their accounts of working with nosy coworkers. I’ve rounded up my 10 favorites below.

1. Share your weight with the office

“A few years ago, I worked for a large retail store. Our store team leaders decided that, to emphasize the wellness benefits we received, they should do some sort of a fitness challenge. So under two shift leaders, they organized a Biggest Loser competition.

Every week, they posted the starting and ending weights over the time clock for every employee participating, along with combined team loss in pounds and percentage.

The plan originally was to treat the winning team to pizza and ice cream (doesn’t that… defeat the purpose?), but the competition fizzled out soon after people realized the supposedly ‘motivational’ idea of posting others’ weight on the biggest bulletin.”

2. Crawled through the ceiling to snoop

“At a former employer, it was a big warehouse space. To create offices, they built them with drop ceilings (which left a huge gap between the drop ceiling and the warehouse ceiling). The HR and CFO offices were next to the R&D lab. One of the chemists decided to climb through the ceiling, and searched the HR and CFO offices after work one night. He gathered materials from both offices, and then took them to his boss to ask for a raise. When asked where he got the materials, he told his boss what he did.”

3. Covertly followed a sick employee home

“A woman who used to work at my company was notorious for being a terrible manager – one time, she actually followed an employee home when the employee left because she was feeling ill. The manager tried to be incognito about following her, but she was discovered sitting in her car outside of the employee’s house. Yikes.”

4. What real men should do

“One of my current coworkers has trouble believing that I, a 24-year-old newlywed, do not want children for the foreseeable future. During lunch, I was talking to another coworker about how I enjoy volunteering at our local humane society. ‘Nancy’ jumped in and said that I ‘should start popping out babies so I have less free time.’ When she met my husband (he came to take me out to lunch) she told him that ‘A real man would have gotten me pregnant by now.’ After I returned, she asked if we ‘made a baby over lunch.’

At first, I just ignored her but as her comments got worse and more frequent I would stare at her and just say ‘Wow’ or ‘I fail to see how my reproductive plans are any of your business.’
The comments have mostly stopped at this point because she started making them to another coworker’s wife. He ended up yelling at her in the parking lot because it turns out they had been trying to conceive for over two years. It’s really best not to ask about people’s reproductive plans.”

5. Snooping secretary

“Our secretary would wait until you were out of the office (at client’s business or vacation day) and would snoop in your desk drawers and comment later on what you had in them. Whether it was client files, snacks, or pens, she would bring it up exactly what was in your desk drawer.

She took it upon herself to ‘dig up dirt’ on employees that had angered her by seeing who she knew that may know them- their neighbors, possible friends, or relatives and would try to dig for some ‘skeleton in their closet’ to use later against them.

One of our company’s duties is preparing certain types of taxes for high net worth individuals. For a short time she knew where copies were kept and would pore over them to see info on the client’s taxes, income, investments, etc. Through an indiscretion at the company, she discovered at one time what other staff made and had a screaming fit on her manager about how other secretaries made more than her. I think we could have had our own reality show filmed.”

6. Pregnancy prying

“The HR manager at our relatively small organization has, on more than one occasion, pulled me aside and given me the ‘You know, you really need to tell me if you’re pregnant’ speech, all under the guise of trying to be some sort of big sister figure to me. She keeps insisting its because I ‘go to the bathroom a lot.’ Obviously I’m thrilled that she’s that interested in keeping tabs on my trips to the bathroom as well.

She doesn’t realize that this is not only incredibly nosy and intrusive, but incredibly hurtful to me- about a year ago I found out that I am not able to have children, so it is a really sensitive issue for me. Yes still, it has come up about 3-4 times this past year.”

7. Executive assistant abusing her access

“Our CEO had to stop giving our office’s executive assistant certain documents to handle (which was part of her job) because she would read them, get the content wrong, and then spread the wrong content around. We had to hide the seating chart from her when we redid the floor plan because, in the prior round, she’d told people that a department was being downsized because she misread the plans. One time a different coworker congratulated me on getting a promotion—which I hadn’t—because Nosy Parker had found a confidential board memo about growth paths personnel, and concluded that anyone mentioned was getting promoted (and receiving raises). If any of the female employees looked ill or threw up, she would instantly start speculating whether that person was pregnant.

She also used to bring up people’s Facebook statuses and personal lives in work meetings: ‘Does anyone know if Sue is in the office today?’ ‘Well, she said on Facebook that her flight was delayed last night, so she’s probably home sick, because she gets the migraines, you know, and they’ve gotten worse since her husband got laid off.’”

8. Inappropriate question barrage

“I had a teenage coworker in a retail job who I think honestly did not know there was anything wrong with asking coworkers incredibly invasive questions. Everything from ‘What do your parents do? How much money do they make? to ‘How much is your rent?’ to ‘You were sick? Were you throwing-up sick, or sneezing everywhere sick?’ to asking about my husband, who’s a different race from me: ‘Where do you even MEET someone like that? Does he speak English?’ After I told her I picked him out of a catalogue, she didn’t talk to me much any more.”

9. Horrible cancer response

“I have cancer and shortly after diagnosis a coworker asked how much longer I was expected to live. I just shook my head, said ‘Wow,’ and walked away.”

10. Food monitor

“My coworker has taken it upon herself to monitor my daily food choices. She regularly comments that I don’t eat much of the food provided in meetings (usually because they are all meat/fish/chicken sandwiches and as a vegan, this doesn’t leave much for me to eat, so I eat beforehand). She even went as far as going through my personal wastebasket at my desk to see if I had thrown out any wrappers, containers, etc. as ‘proof’ of whatever I eat. I caught her red-handed one day and asked her, ‘What the hell are you doing?’
She said she ‘wanted proof that you actually eat, so I’m checking your garbage,’ as though this was a perfectly natural thing to be doing!”

I originally published this at Intuit QuickBase’s blog.

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should I ask if I’m going to be fired, I’ve been too pushy at work, and more

by Alison Green on June 26, 2014

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My employee won’t follow one particular instruction

I have an employee who doesn’t have any performance issues. However, there is one very specific bit of instruction I have given to her and the rest of my team several times in several ways, but she’s still not following those instructions. I’ve tried reminding in team meetings, explaining why it’s important to do, doing it myself and then telling her how I did it, sending an email with specifics (“you must do this once each week without reminders from me”), yet it’s still not getting done.

My problem is how to move forward. It seems a bit hyperfocused of me to obsess over this one bit of instruction that isn’t being followed when every other area of her job performance is fine. So I don’t think it’s necessary to move to a documented or written warning. But I can’t let this continue, as it’s a broader problem to me at this point — disrespect. What should I do? It would seem to come out of nowhere to pull her aside to say, “Why aren’t you updating that information as I’ve asked of you several times?” Her response would be, “I have all of this other stuff I’m doing and doing well and you’re worried about this?”

No, that’s exactly what you should do. If you can’t rely on her to do what you’re asking, that’s a problem, and it’s something you should address. And this might just reflect the limitations of a short letter, but when I look at the list of what you’ve done (mentioning it in team meetings, explaining it’s important, reminding her via email, etc.), what I don’t see on the list is clearly telling her that it’s a problem that it’s not happening. That’s the missing piece here. No more team reminders; clearly, your message is getting lost that way. Instead, sit down with her and say, “We’ve talked several times about the importance of doing X. You haven’t been doing it. What’s going on?”

This is an accountability/reliability issue, and the way you reinforce accountability on your staff is by pointing it out when commitments aren’t kept. “You agreed to do X; it hasn’t happened; how come?” is a normal and necessary conversation for a manager to have, even if the rest of someone’s performance is good.

2. Should I ask if I’m going to be fired?

I’m currently in a temp job where I don’t perform as well as my coworkers (I was told when starting that performance numbers were very important). After wondering and worrying over when I was going to get fired for a few months, I finally just emailed my manager, acknowledged that I wasn’t performing as well as my coworkers, and asked if I should I assume that I would be fired soon. She said not to assume anything at this point.

It’s been a few weeks, and I’m still stressing out about when I’m going to get fired. (Two of my coworkers were fired yesterday. Though not for performance reasons, the firings certainly added to my stress.) Would it be bad to ask if I am probably going to be fired soon again? The not knowing is very demoralizing, and I’d rather just know than have to wonder. But I’m not sure if “reminding” them about it will make them more likely to fire me.

Stop asking. It’s not that you’d be reminding them to fire you — if they want to fire you, that’s not something they’re going to forget. It’s that it’s a bit unprofessional and incredibly high-maintenance to be asking that all the time (and potentially does makes it more likely that they’ll get fed up and fire you if you’re already borderline). However, you can certainly ask for feedback on how you’re doing, and for advice on where you can improve — which is more likely to get you useful information than a “am I going to be fired?” conversation (unless that conversation ends in “yes”).

That said, if you’re aware that you’re not doing well in this job, it makes sense to be actively searching for something else. Even if they never fire you, being in a job where you’re struggling isn’t a good situation to be in.

3. I’ve been too pushy at work

I feel I’ve been a bit too bossy at work lately. Two people have just started in a program that until now had been woefully understaffed. These people will be senior to me once they get their bearings, but in a different program (no direct reporting). I was hoping that they would be able to provide some direction regarding projects we will be working on directly together — projects that they will have the lead on but that I need to make some decisions for now. I am in dire need of answers/direction and trying to be helpful, but I realize I’ve been probably hoping for too much too fast, and my frustration is is coming off as being pushy. I realize I probably need to step back and let them do their thing.

Given my interest in fostering a postive long-term working relationship, I’m a bit unsure how to approach this. I haven’t acted totally overboard on anything yet, just probably unpleasant to work with (despite lots of smiles) and perhaps came off like I’m trying to tell them how to do their job. (And while I can come off as agressive and too direct, I’d like to learn to be much more diplomatic.) Am I overthinking it? Or is this appology-worthy? How would I frame a truthful aknowledgement that I may have overstepped, and I’m happy to follow their lead?

I’d really appreciate your feedback – I learn so much from how you phrase your responses, and has been extremely helpful in a transition from an academic setting where I was quite comfortable speaking my mind to a non-academic one, where I feel I’ve got a bit of re-learning about culture to do.

It’s hard to say whether it makes sense to apologize without knowing more about the situation, but if you do decide to, I’d say something like this: “Hey, I’m sorry if I came across as overly pushy about XYZ earlier. Honestly, I’ve been so excited that we have people in your roles now that think I ended up being a little pushy, but I didn’t intend to. I’m looking forward to working with you on this stuff once you have your bearings, and until then, just let me know if there’s anything I can do to help you.”

4. How to pass along a resume to someone at my new job

I have a relatively (one-month) new job on the editorial side of a magazine – I love the magazine and I love the job. A colleague-turned-friend at my old gig (who loves the magazine equally) is applying for a recently vacated position on the art direction side of the magazine. It’s the natural progression of her current career trajectory, I believe she would be a great addition to the team, I know she loves the publication, and she is a fantastic person to work with, so I have no problem feeling confident in recommending her for the job.

The problem is how to go about it. As a relatively low-placed person on the editorial team, I have little opportunity (so far) to interact with the art team. I’ve exchanged maybe five words with the art director, who my friend would be reporting to should she be hired, so I don’t really have the chance to casually mention it over lunch. I want to help push my friend’s application to top of the pile – even just to help give her the chance to be interviewed, as I’m sure there will be a lot of applicants for the job – but I don’t know how to go about making my recommendation because of (1) my low-on-the-totem-pole status (having said that, it’s a small team of 10-15) and (2) my lack of interaction with the person I should be dropping her name to.

Email the resume to the art director with a note that says, “I’m not sure where you are in the hiring process for the XYZ position, but I wanted to pass along Lucinda Montblanc’s resume because I think she might be a strong candidate. Lucinda and I worked together at Teapots Inc., and she was great to work with — incredibly talented, ___, and ___. (Fill in with specifics about why she’d be good.) If you’re interested in her, I’d be glad to tell you more about what I saw of her work.”

5. What kind of jobs would be okay with me being short-term?

I’ve been laid off for 10 months. I have a bachelors in Computer Information Systems from 3 years ago, but (of course) not that many years of actual experience. I’m still learning new things and looking for work. However, my nest egg that I’ve been living off is drying up. I project that by the end August at the latest, I’ll have no money left. I’ve had interviews, but none that panned out.

To help my finances, I’m thinking of finding a job to get me by until I can land something in software development. I should have done this WAY before now, but I don’t know how I’d handle having a job while actively looking for another. Until I ran across your blog, I didn’t even ponder the logistics and problems that can occur there.

I want to know: are there any general types of jobs out there that would be OK with me having them while seeking something else? Jobs that aren’t in the the fast food/restaurant industry*? I know as a hiring manager, you’d probably balk at a question like this. Jobs typically want candidates that won’t jump. However, I’m thinking you probably know of some non-sketchy industries where they’re aware you’re not in this for the long haul. I don’t like the idea of faking enthusiasm to get into a position, then jumping to something “real” at the first opportunity. It makes me feel dishonest.

*It’s not a pride thing; I lost a lot of weight over the past few months and know a food service job would eventually have me putting it back on.

Typically most professional jobs, other than temping, do want you to stay for a solid amount of time (although there are exceptions to that, like short-term contract positions). But retail, call center work, and yes, food service are all places with a lot of turnover and where it’s often totally fine to go in without the intention of staying for years.

(And I know you said no food service because you don’t want to regain weight — but I wouldn’t be sure that would happen; typically when you work around specific types of food, you get sick of it quickly.)

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job-searching when you share a name with a porn star

by Alison Green on June 25, 2014

A reader writes:

In the last year or two, a woman who is about eight years younger than me has become a somewhat well-known porn star. My name is her birth name, not her stage name, but for whatever reason, they’re usually mentioned in the same breath/line. It should be pretty easy to separate the two of us (by age and, uh, specialty/interest), but I’m concerned that a cursory Google in response to my applications might be hurting my chances.

I added my own domain to my resume/cover letter header. Do you think that’s enough, or do you think it’s worth adding a little P.S. in my cover letters to point out which of us I am? I’ve been watching this situation approach for a couple years with growing dismay. Sigh.

I don’t think you need to. I searched for your name, and I actually had to add the word “porn” to my search to find the other person. Plus, both your first and last name are reasonably common.

You’ve done the right thing by getting your own domain with your name, and there are so many other search results for your name before we get to the porny ones that I think you’re fine. If that weren’t the case, my advice would be for you to build up a solid Internet presence of your own so that it’s clear you’re a separate person from your name doppelganger, but I think you’re already fine.

I wouldn’t do the P.S. drawing attention to the situation; that risks just creating weirdness where I don’t think you need any.

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how do I manage work outside my comfort area?

by Alison Green on June 25, 2014

A reader writes:

I’ve been put in charge of overseeing four different departments, including two in which I have no expertise at all (IT and communications). Luckily, those departments both have competent managers (who each report up to me), but what should my role look like in overseeing them and how to do I manage them when they know their work so much better than I do?

This is a common position for COOs, CEOs, and anyone else who manages other managers to be in: If you climb high enough in an organization’s hierarchy, at some point you’re going to be overseeing people and areas where you’re no longer the expert – and where you might not have much understanding of the day-to-day work they do at all.

There are four keys to doing this well and not feeling in over your head.

1. Get aligned about what success for the work will look like. Setting goals with your team that clearly describe what success would look like is one of the most important things you can do as a manager, and it’s especially true in cases like yours, when you’re only equipped to judge performance by the final outcome and not about what the work might look like along the way. For instance, you might agree with your IT team that “We need an interactive mobile app up and running in time for our fall product launch, which means tested and ready to use by mid-August.” This will keep you focused on the outcome or end product – the piece that you do understand. From there, you can ask questions about the process, like “What could go wrong and how will you plan for that?” “How will we know whether this is on track?” and “What milestones can you set up to hit along the way?”

2. Ask good questions. You might feel that as a manager, you should have all the answers – but as you manage at increasingly higher levels, you’re going to be posing questions more than providing answers. That means that you need to ask good questions, like, “How do you know that __ is true?” or “What will you do if __ happens?” or “What do other companies do about the risk of __?” And don’t be shy about saying, “Help me understand why…”

3. Pay attention to outcomes. Remember that what you need to understand isn’t howthe work gets done, but whether your organization is getting the outcomes it needs. For instance, if you’re a COO, you probably don’t need to know the minutiae of your client database works, but you should know if it’s providing yours salespeople with the functionality they need. Stay focused on whether you’re getting the results you need (and which you and your team members got aligned about in step #1).

4. Judge by what you do know. Even if you’re not an expert in the subject matter of a team you oversee, you’re going to understand pieces of what they do, even if it’s just something like “Did this person explain what she was doing in a way customers could understand?” or, in the case of IT, whether or not your networking and email are running smoothly. It’s reasonable to extrapolate from the pieces you do see and understand and assume that the pattern is similar elsewhere. If the pieces you understand seem off, it’s likely that there are deeper problems as well.

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negotiating pay when filling in for a maternity leave, bankruptcy cooties, and more

by Alison Green on June 25, 2014

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Should I say something about my coworker regularly bringing her granddaughter to work?

A part-time work colleague has started bringing her granddaughter to work regularly. It isn’t a huge distraction, but I don’t think it’s very professional. Her granddaughter doesn’t stay for just an hour, she stays her for most of the day. Truly, I do get that childcare is hard to come by (I’m a working mom and have run into my own fair share of childcare nightmares), but this is becoming a regular thing, and no one is addressing it.

I’m not this employee’s supervisor. We just work in the same office and collaborate on several projects. Her granddaughter isn’t a huge distraction. She’s a quiet, sweet girl who doesn’t cause a ruckus. My only concern is with professionalism. Should I bring this up to her manager?

Is there any chance her manager doesn’t know but would care if she did? If so (like if the manager works from a different location), then yes, it’s worth mentioning. Or, is part of your job to think about and manage the way this stuff can look to others? (For instance, this could be the case if you have clients or reporters visit you at work regularly and think it looks unprofessional to them, or if you’re part of your organization’s management structure and thus charged with caring about things like this, or so forth). But if neither of those things are the case, since it’s not impacting your ability to get your work done, I think it’s not your issue to deal with.

2. Negotiating pay if I fill in during my manager’s maternity leave

I’m in an entry-level role at my company due to a poorly-executed career change, so I’m older than the colleagues at my level. Recently, the manager I’m working with was told by her doc to go on early maternity leave, which leaves her post open for about 6 months. I have been asked to take over during this period.

I’m excited to have this opportunity but am concerned about a few things. I’m on contract so I know they will not change my job title. When I asked for increased compensation, they said they could only provide periodic bonuses and would get back to me. Tomorrow, they will likely share details on the amount and frequency. I know for a fact that my manager makes at least $70k more than I do. The team is saying I should use this as a chance to prove my capabilities, and that they may convert me to a permanent role once my contract expires.

What would you recommend I do? If I’m reading this correctly, they’re going to low-ball me on the “side” bonus and promise (not a written commitment) a renewal later. The opportunity itself would be a good learning experience, but I’m tired of being undervalued. Apparently I can still turn this down, but another manager in the group would then have to take this on. I can also say goodbye to a permanent offer in that case.

Well, it’s very unlikely that they’re going to pay someone currently in an entry-level role anything even approaching $70K more. They’re also probably not expecting you to do your manager’s whole job; rather, they’re probably expecting you to just keep the basics running and fend off crises — which is a very different thing.

If you’re willing to take on the work, I’d try to get more than what they offer you right off the bat if that offer is low (but assume you won’t be able to get a ton above the initial offer; that just doesn’t tend to happen in cases like this), negotiate clear goals for the time period you’re filling in, and look at it as an opportunity to majorly build your resume and parlay it into something else afterwards (either there or somewhere else) — which, given what you say about your career change, might be worth far more than a few months’ extra pay anyway.

3. Employer wants my Social Security number before I’m even interviewed

I was recently contacted by a company that previously declined my job application. They have changed the description and my qualifications are now a match. They are a well-known firm. My problem is that the hiring manager scheduled a phone interview and sent an application and consent form (credit report) and asked that I fill them out and send them back ASAP. That requires my Social Security number. Shouldn’t she wait until she conducts the interview and face to face interview before asking me to give her my personal business? I will not give her the information unless I receive a job offer. I’m not sure how to articulate that in an email without sounding standoffish. Help please?

“I’m really excited about this role, but I’ve been advised not to give out out my Social Security number until we’re at a stage in the process where it’s necessary for a background check.”

You may need to give it out before you get an offer; it’s necessary for some (but not all) background checks. But they certainly don’t need it before an interview, and they shouldn’t be doing credit checks unless you’re applying for a job that deals directly with money. (Also, note that 10 or so states explicitly ban credit checks in employment.)

4. References when you’ve been a freelancer

I’ve read a lot of your posts, being in the second round or so of interviews, and it’s time to start worrying about references. You mention often that it is a red flag when candidates’ references don’t include any managers. What I’m wondering is how freelancers deal with this.

I’m in a field that’s very small, specialized and somewhat incestuous, and it consists of a lot of freelancers and very few full-time staff members. I’ve freelanced for several years and am fairly respected for my work. But it does mean I don’t have a manager, and thus I don’t have any people who’ve managed me who can serve as references. This isn’t as much of a problem in my experience when interviewing for jobs within my field, because everyone knows what the deal is — but the other thing about my field is that it’s in poor shape, perhaps permanently, and eventually I might have to leave it. How do I go about this?

Yeah, this is different when you’ve been a freelancer for a while. When you’ve been an employee, not being able to give manager references is a red flag because it raises obvious concerns about why you don’t want an employer talking to any of your past managers. In your case, though, you simply haven’t had past managers — different situation. Instead, I’d explain the situation and offer the clients who worked with you most closely.

5. Bankruptcy cooties

I’m a recent grad applying for work. While I was in school, I was working full time in administration and sales, for a small retail environment. Sadly, the company went bankrupt about six months ago. I took the opportunity to focus all my energy on finishing my degree, including taking a semester abroad.

I’m working on a cover letter for a fast-paced organization and find my skills aligning with the job posting. Some of these skills are things I developed as a direct result of my former employer’s bankruptcy — switching hats rapidly, and covering complex duties on the fly. Would it be weird to discuss that experience in my cover letter? I’m not worried about “bankruptcy cooties,” for lack of a better term — the job is public sector.

Not weird at all. It could even potentially get mentioned on your resume, in the context of explaining work you did.

Read an update to this letter here.

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should I send a post-interview thank-you if I’m not sure how enthusiastic I am about the job?

by Alison Green on June 24, 2014

A reader writes:

I recently had a phone interview that left me conflicted. There were aspects of the job that seemed like a great fit, while other things said during the interview raised some questions in my mind about whether it would be a good place for me. I was able to ask some, but not all, of my questions. After thinking about it for a few days, I think I might take the position if I don’t find a better option, but it wouldn’t be my first choice. I’d be interested in learning more if selected for future interviews, but am definitely proceeding with a certain amount of caution.

My question is what sort of thank you note should I have sent after this interview? I usually take to heart your advice that the note is a great time to follow up and reinforce interest and qualifications for the position. After past interviews, I’ve done this enthusiastically. However, in this situation, I felt conflicted. I am a very sincere person and it felt wrong to me to fake enthusiasm when I wasn’t sure that I wanted the position. At the same time, I didn’t want to send a perfunctory note that just said “thanks” since I worried that would make me look like I couldn’t be bothered to write more. I ended up sending no follow up, which also seems like the wrong decision. What would you recommend?

Well, as far as the note goes, the question is really whether you want them to continue considering you.

A thank-you note (or follow-up note, which I think more accurately describes what their purpose should be; it’s not really about thanking anyone) isn’t a proposal of marriage. It doesn’t commit you to accepting an offer from them; it’s just something that conveys “yes, I’m still interested in talking” and which, if done well, strengthens your candidacy.

And you are still interested in talking. You’re interested in continuing to engage with them; you haven’t ruled them out. So it makes sense to put your most compelling, polished self forward right now … and that same self can decide what your answer will be if you get an offer later on.

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six-hour workdays, Zappos’ big move to kill job postings, and other things to know this week

by Alison Green on June 24, 2014

Over at Intuit QuickBase’s Fast Track blog today, I take a look at several big work-related stories in the news right now: Zappos’ move to get rid of job postings and replacing them with its own social network, Sweden’s examination of a six-hour workday, and more. You can read it here.

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my struggling new employee thinks her pushiness is “enthusiasm”

by Alison Green on June 24, 2014

A reader writes:

I have a new employee who just finished grad school but is not new to work because she worked a few years between college and grad school. Like some new employees, she is asking a lot of questions in meetings and making a lot of suggestions about things she knows nothing about yet rather than sitting back a bit, listening, and learning. Some of the people we work with regularly have been put off by her behavior.

She seems to believe that everything has to be done quickly and does not check her work before giving me a “finished” product that has not been checked for errors or to see if it looks okay. As a result, I am getting a lot of things that are not finished enough for me to review them and have to give them back a couple of times. In addition, her writing skills are substantially below what I would expect from someone with her level of education but she does not take feedback on her writing well.

She has also taken it upon herself to do some things I told her I would do and offended a couple of good clients in the process. She annoyed these clients enough that they mentioned it to me.

When I have spoken to her about these issues, she has said she is enthusiastic and just wants to get things done. She always uses the term “enthusiastic” to describe why she is a bit on the pushy side. I am beginning to wonder if people have always told her she is a little on the enthusiastic side rather than telling her this behavior is annoying to other people. It is like she acts without thinking first. I am planning on sitting down with her and nicely telling her that this behavior is not productive. However, how much does a manager invest in a new employee with what seems to be ingrained behavior?

I think you need to be less nice, actually. It sounds like she needs to hear very directly that the behavior she thinks of as “enthusiastic” is actually jeopardizing her job.

While it might seem nicer to find a softer framing for that message, it’s not at all nice to let someone continue problematic behavior to the point that they lose their job over it, without clearly telling them that that’s happening. So you would be doing her an enormous favor by sitting down with her and clearly spelling out things like:

* “I need you to check your work before you hand it in. By the time it comes to me, it needs to be error-free and in what you consider final form. This is a requirement in order to be successful here.”
* “I need the person in your role to be producing work that only requires minimal editing from me. Your work isn’t at that point yet. To get it there, I need you to listen to the feedback I’m giving you and incorporate it into your work.”
* “You cannot do X, Y, and Z without clearing it through me first. Continuing to do that is something that would jeopardize your job.”
* “While I welcome your questions and ideas, I’d like you to spend most of your time in project meetings listening to others so that you’re building your understanding of how we do things. That doesn’t mean that you should never speak up, but it does mean that the majority of what you’re doing there should revolve around listening and learning — which will help you ask better questions and think of better ideas in the long run.”
* “This is not about enthusiasm. This is about understanding the requirements of your job. I’m willing to help you improve so that you can excel in this role, but that means that you’re going to need to be open to feedback on all of these issues without dismissing it as merely you being enthusiastic. I don’t see it that way, and I don’t want to see you lose your job, which could happen if this continues.”

On your question of how much to invest in a new employee when the problems seem to be ingrained behavior, it’s hard to give a universal answer to that. It depends on the role, the specific issues, and how likely you think the person is to be able to take your feedback and make relatively quick improvements. And it really depends on how the person reacts to your first attempt or two spell out the issues clearly and directly. You can’t really say whether the investment will be wasted until you’ve had the type of direct conversation above — the type of conversation that lets her know in clear, unignorable terms where things stand.

Have that conversation, and then you’re going to have much more useful data to help you figure out whether it’s worth investing in her, and how much.

Read an update to this letter here.

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if you dislike smelly things, Zero Odor is for you

by Alison Green on June 24, 2014

And now a break to talk about a sponsor…

I have pleaded with people in the past to stop sending me bathroom-related questions (to no avail), but today I’m raising a toilet topic of my own … except that it’s related to cats.

I want to tell you about Zero Odor, because … wow. Zero Odor is a ridiculously effective, fragrance-free, non-toxic odor eliminator. It’s particularly useful against pet smells – litter boxes, accidents, etc. – but it works on all kinds of odors. I can tell you with all honesty that it’s easily the best product in this category that I’ve ever used.

Zero Odor sent me a bunch of products to try out. I’m a skeptic, but within a day, I was won over. It eliminated all traces of litter odor, even right after a cat used the litter box. We’ve had literally no litter box odor anywhere in the house as a result of this product.

It’s also completely fragrance-free (which is great for our house, because my husband has horrible reactions to most fragrances). It doesn’t cover up smells; it somehow turns odor molecules into non-odor molecules, so odors just … go away forever.

You can find out more at zZOeroodor.com and zeroodorpet.com.

To prove they’re awesome, Zero Odor has offered to give away three product sets to readers here. To win one, leave a comment below indicating which kit you’d prefer (cat lovers kit, dog lovers kit, or general introductory kit). Leave your comment by 11:59 p.m. EST Wednesday, June 25 (be sure to leave your email address in the box that asks for it; I’m the only one who will be able to see it). I’ll pick three at random and email the winners on Thursday.

Disclosure: This post and the giveaway are sponsored by Zero Odor. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

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