Ask a Manager

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. I’m resigning, and my manager won’t let me say goodbye to my clients

My last day at my job was yesterday, but in the days before I left, something kind of bothered me. I figured it would be common courtesy to email my clients letting them know that it has been a pleasure working with them. My manager, however, forbade me from doing this. My manager herself is the one letting my clients know that I am leaving (which I understand, as it’s more appropriate coming from a manager), but she is not allowing me to email them on my last day—only if they reach out to me first am I allowed to acknowledge my departure with them.

As upset as I was by this (as I work closely with my clients and felt that my manager was dictating my correspondences), I agreed not to email my clients. My managers state that the reason for this is so that the client does not freak out and think that our company is understaffed (but they already know I’m leaving, so why is a courtesy goodbye email harmful?) and because it’s just not the way things are done. In addittion, I cannot reach out to one of my two clients because apparently they were not aware that I was dually aligned to them and another client. This client only wanted people who were solely aligned to them—in other words, my company was not transparent/honest about my dual alignment and this made me feel that my work was being undermined. Is this normal for a manager to forbid correspondence between an employee and the client? And now that I’m gone, would it be unwise to email the client from my personal email, letting them know that it was a pleasure working with them? Even though my clients knew I was leaving (they did not email me a goodbye, by the way), I felt that I should have reached out to them.

This isn’t that uncommon. Employers often want to control the messaging to clients when an employee leaves, partly because they want to simultaneously assure them that their work remains in good hands. Sometimes it’s also because they don’t want the exiting employee taking clients with them, although if that’s the case, they should have already had you sign an agreement to that effect.

Once you’re gone, your employer can’t control what you do (assuming there’s no agreement to the contrary), as long as you didn’t take client lists with you or otherwise violate a trade secrets agreement. That said, unless you had a close relationship with these clients and may have reason to care about that relationship with them in the future, it might not be worth stirring the pot on this.

2. What happened in this salary negotiation?

I applied for a job in my current field, was contacted by the hiring manager, stated my salary requirement, and the hiring manager said, “Okay.” One week and two interviews later, the hiring manager called to make an offer but first asked if we ever talked about compensation. She remembered that I said I wanted a 10% increase but didn’t know my current salary. I told her it was on the application. She said she didn’t see it, and then she found it while we were talking. She then explained the salary is almost 30% less than what I stated I was looking for…no range, just a number. She said they were prepared to make an offer but would understand if I can’t take such a large pay cut. She asked if I wanted to think about it over the weekend and let her know Monday; I said I would.

Umm, what the hell just happened? Is this just the result of the hiring manager not knowing where to look for current salary on their application and not asking “10% of what?” during our first conversation? Am I supposed to counter? It sucks because the team/the job seem like they would be a great fit for me…at the salary I quoted, maybe a bit less, but nowhere near 30% less.

Well, I think there were mistakes on both sides here. You said you were looking for 10% more than your current salary, but didn’t mention what your current salary was. Yes, it was on your application, but many hiring managers don’t look at all the crap that their HR-imposed application systems might ask for; they just look at your resume and other basics. Now, when you initially said you were looking for an increase of 10%, she should have clarified 10% of what. But she may have assumed that you were basically in the range she sees as normal for that work, and not bothered to check. (That’s more her mistake than yours, but by using that framing, you introduced room for it.) For what it’s worth, you were also a little coy in the second conversation — with the telling her look at the application rather than just telling her outright what number you’re looking for. So you’re both being a little weird, although her more so.

In any case, you can certainly counter with something closer to what you’re looking for, but the odds are making up a 30% difference are usually pretty low.

3. Explaining gaps on my resume from moving for my spouse’s job

I have a problem that’s come up a few times in the course of job hunting. I have a few gaps in my employment due to moving for my spouse’s career. When interviewers ask me, “Why did you leave this job?” it puts me in an awkward position. I struggle with how to answer this.

I know it’s common enough, as many people move for a spouse or significant other, but I worry that I will be judged for putting my personal life before my professional life (i.e., they will think I should have stayed at my last position until I found something in the new location). I feel like its unprofessional to bring my personal life and decisions into the interview. On the other hand, it’s the truth. Is there a preferred way to answer this in the hiring process? Is there a stigma attached?

It’s true that you don’t normally want to bring your personal life into an interview, but in this case it’s directly relevant: You moved because of your spouse’s career, and you should just explain that. They’re not going to be concerned that you didn’t stay in your old job in your old location until you found something new (that’s not an expectation when you’re moving). Employers don’t judge gaps as if having a gap is inherently bad. They simply want to know the cause for the gap. You have a perfectly understandable explanation.

4. My coworkers’ wives don’t want them to work with a woman

I work for a gas company. I work shift work, and there are two guys who will not work with me because their wives said they’re not allowed. They even looked up my picture on the company laptop to show their wives. I think this is totally wrong and I’m not sure how to handle it. I am the only woman in this job and feel very uncomfortable. What do you suggest I do?

Hell, yes, that’s wrong, and your company needs to deal with it. Your company needs to explain to these guys that they don’t make staffing assignments on the basis of sex, and that they’re expected to work with employees of any sex, just like they’re also expected to work with employees of any race, religion, etc. They also need to ensure that your work environment isn’t made unpleasant as a result of these guys or their wives, and they possibly need to send these guys in a time machine back to whatever year they came from.

A gas company is big enough to have an HR department. Go there and report this.

5. My manager lets some people have more sick days than others

At my job, there is a policy of only allowing 1.2 sick days in a rolling 12-month period. My manager is flexible on this policy with some employees but not others. Is this legal? I have missed 2 days, both with doctor’s excuses, and I am being written up, even though there are other employees with up to 5 missed days with no action taken. I feel that this is discrimination, and I don’t know how to handle this situation and what to say to my boss concerning the unfairness of her actions. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

First, the legality: It’s legal as long as the decisions aren’t being based on race, sex, religion, or other protected categories. That said, even when the decisions aren’t being made based on those categories, it’s usually wise to avoid that kind of thing because it can inadvertently appear to be based on those factors, which can lead to a legal problem for the company if they can’t disprove that. (However, there are also lots of legitimate reasons for this kind of disparate treatment, beyond whim or favoritism — like favoring higher performers, or people who are more reliable, or people at a more senior level.)

As for what to do: Why not ask your manager directly? Not in an accusatory way, but in a seeking-to-understand way. For instance: “Jane, I realize the written policy says 1.2 days, but my understanding is that it hasn’t been regularly enforced and that people have been able to take several additional days beyond that, so I thought there was some flexibility. Can you help me understand how this is handled?”

Also, 1.2 sick days in a year is really stingy.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. We get comp time that we can’t really take

In my company, most employees are required to work much more than a standard 40-hour work week (for the sake of this example, we’re all exempt). We have many weekend and evening events, and employees work the traditional 9-5 in addition to that. Most employees voluntarily put in 2-3 extra hours of work a day on days without events, just because that’s what it takes to get the job done – no biggie.

For weekend events and engagements, we get half a day of comp time if we work a full weekend day, and one full day of comp time if we work two full weekend days in the same weekend (if we work a few hours on a weekend…if the event doesn’t last 8 hours…we don’t get any comp time). We are supposed to use the comp time the following week, or we lose it. Personally, I think this is a terrible practice, but that’s an argument for another thread. This has resulted in many employees working 14, 21, 28, even 30+ days straight, without using any comp time, since many of our weekend events happen back to back and there’s simply no way to take comp time and still get the job done (especially when it comes to events; they are happening on a certain day and time no matter what). The number of hours that this equates to is pretty crazy.

We are a nonprofit, so salaries are not very high at all (above the minimum threshold for exempt, but not by much for some people). We’ll never make a lot of money, but that’s not why we do what we do. However, I’m curious to know if we took our salaries, and converted them to hourly, if we wouldn’t even be making minimum wage. Are there any protections for exempt, salaried employees when it comes to an hourly wage? Or are exempt, salaried employees just expected to do whatever work is necessary to get the job done, no matter how many hours it takes?

Yeah, that’s a horrible practice, and you all should band together as a group and argue for it being changed, pointing out what you pointed out here.

If you’re truly exempt, the only salary test is that you must be paid at least $23,600 a year. Even if you’re working so many hours that your salary ends up paying you less than minimum wage per hour, that’s legal — if you’re truly exempt. (Exempt means “exempt from the Fair Labor Standards Act,” which includes minimum wage.) I keep saying “if you’re truly exempt” because lots of people are incorrectly categorized that way, and if your company has everyone classified like that, there’s a good chance they got it wrong with at least some of you.

Regardless though, deal with this as a group and insist on the comp time policy being changed.

2. Do I really have to say hello and goodbye to my horrible coworker?

Where I work, there is one particular coworker who always seems to go off and scream/throw a tantrum at me if I don’t respond in the way she wants me to. I’ve never neglected to give her the information she needs to do her job and I do mine to the best of my ability. However, I’d just prefer to leave her alone due to her hot-headedness. To this end, I really don’t speak to her at all. I don’t snub her, I just really have nothing to say to her. She, though, sees it differently and is trying to say there is an issue with shift change (I always give her any information she needs via email or instant messaging) and has begun making sure she ALWAYS says goodbye to me.

Why is it so important that I acknowledge her? Is it wrong that I don’t respond? I feel like I’m dealing with a ticking time bomb; I don’t know if or when it will go off! A couple of my friends and my family keep saying it’s “unwritten policy” and you should always “be polite” and greet/acknowledge people — they say she will use it against me and get me terminated via a loophole of “not doing my job/creating a hostile work environment.” I feel she’s the one creating the uncomfortable workplace. Where do I draw the line or get help? Is it ok for me to ignore her, I guess is my bottom line?

No. You don’t need to have long conversations with her, but you do need to acknowledge her. Otherwise, you’ll be seen as the problem, when people notice that you’re refusing to say hello or goodbye to her. (Your friends are wrong that this is a hostile workplace issue; that requires discrimination based on something like race, religion, sex, etc., not just pure hostility. But they’re right that you’ll look bad if you’re freezing out a coworker.)

3. I’m getting interview questions that seem overly advanced

I have been on several interviews (phone and in-person) for entry-level email marketing roles. I understand that email marketing is a specialization, but given these are entry-level roles (0-2 years of relevant experience), the questions they’ve asked do not seem entry-level. I don’t want to lie and say I’ve worked on projects, but I’m getting stuck on the interviews.

For example: “Give me an example of an email campaign that you’ve worked on the past. What types of metrics did you look at? What would you have done differently? What are some of the biggest trends in the industry? If I gave you a campaign to run with the idea of ‘summer,’ what are some initial subject lines you would use? Give me 3 or 4 examples. Can you explain A/B testing? What’s an example of A/B testing that you could use at our company?”

For some background information, I’ve had approximately 2 years of nonprofit work experience in recruiting/internal communications with limited email marketing experience (intern-level projects). I’m looking to make a career transition to email marketing, but I’m getting frustrated by the level of detail these questions are targeting. Again, I don’t want to lie and say I’ve more experience than I actually do, but I’m getting stuck on the interviews. Please advise!

I think what you’re hearing in these questions is that they’re looking for someone who has at least some exposure to email marketing (so it’s not truly entry-level in the sense that it would be a first job) and some familiarity with basic email marketing concepts. But the questions you’re listing here actually aren’t outrageously advanced; they do assume that you’ve worked on email campaigns in some capacity — which you have, even if only as intern — but they’re just asking you to talk about the basics. Given the role, I don’t think it’s crazy that they’d want you to be able to demonstrate ideas for email campaigns or an A/B test and to talk with some familiarity about metrics like open rates and click-throughs. If you don’t feel prepared to do that yet, then I think the message is that you’ve got to read up on the field you’re trying to move into — and doing that should equip you to better answer these kinds of questions.

4. Applying for a job at a company where I used to intern

Several years ago, I interned for a summer at a company and had a good relationship with my manager at the time. I went back to school and reached out to her as a reference the following year, and she provided one and I thanked her and then… I haven’t reached out to her since. Until now, when I am going to apply for a job at the place where I interned and where she still works. I would feel weird applying without telling her, but I can’t figure out a way to email that sounds normal and not like I am trying to get extra points or go around the system, and it is particularly awkward because I was terrible at networking and didn’t contact her for years until now. So, do you have any advice for how to reach out to her?

This isn’t a big deal — don’t beat yourself up or feel weird about reaching out to her now just because you haven’t been in contact previously. This happens all the time. Apply (and mention right at the start in your cover letter that you used to intern there — you don’t want them to miss that), and then send your old manager an email being straightforward about it. As in: “Hi, Jane! I wanted to let you know that I’m applying for the __ position at XYZ. I have the experience in ___ that it sounds like they’re looking for, and I’d be so excited to have the chance to work there again, as I was so impressed with everyone when I interned. I’m sure the position will attract loads of great applicants, but I’d be thrilled to be considered if I might be what the ABC department is looking for. In any case, I hope you’re well, and I would love to catch up sometime!”

(Note this is written as if the job isn’t on her team; if it is, then adjust the wording accordingly.)

5. How should I fit two internships on my resume?

I am going through a yearly resume update and I need your help. I’ve worked for my current employer for 5 years. In that time, I’ve had 4 different jobs. Needless to say, this takes up a lot of real estate on my resume. I was lucky enough to be selected to do two management internships in my organization, one for a month and one for three months. I have no idea how to list them without taking up way too much space. Right now my basic format is:

Job Title–Employer–Dates
Short job description (1-2 sentences)
Accomplishment
Accomplishment
Accomplishment

I’ve used this format for all of the individual jobs I’ve held with them. As you can see, it takes up a lot of space. How should I list my internships? As bullet accomplishments in my current job? Is it ok to list them in bullet points but mention accomplishments in a cover letter? I’m sure you’re thinking there isn’t much to accomplish in one or three months, but I feel there are things worth including if possible.

You don’t even need a separate area for the short job description before you get into accomplishments; you can do it all as bullet points in the same list. (And you might not need an overall description at all, aside from the accomplishments — hard to say for sure without seeing it, but that’s often the case.) But as for those internships, at one month and three months, I am indeed skeptical that you had enough accomplishments to warrant more than 1-2 lines for each position. If you disagree, let’s talk specifics in the comment section — write in with what you’d like to include and we can figure out what makes sense.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. I’m upset that my boss didn’t talk to me directly about a new project

I was hoping you could tell me if it would be reasonable to “confront” my boss regarding this situation (maybe “confront” is too strong a word). Yesterday, I received an email from him, which was not evenly directly addressing me. Clearly, he has been communicating with teams from others offices regarding a new project. And at some point, he just added me to the long thread of emails which has been going on for about 3 weeks, obviously expecting me to backtrack the stuff and figure out with it was all about myself. Today, some people from these teams came to our office to kick off the project and naturally expected me to be in it. They even sent me emails with information regarding how to work with their stuff, etc. So it looks like my boss did tell them I was going to be involved, but never said a word to me, not even via email, except for the one time today when he sent me a direct email saying the teams were going to a hockey game, asking if I would be interested to join them!

I loved hockey, but I said “no thanks” because I was feeling extremely upset at him. It was not because they dropped a “surprise bomb” on me, as it didn’t take much to figure out what was going to happen reading the forwarded emails.

But don’t you think I at least deserve some in-person briefing? Something like “Hey, we are doing this new project, and you could be in it” is all that is needed, right? Can I say something to my boss? Or is this overreacting and I should just shut up and move on? Why do you think he did this? It really made me feel like he wasn’t exactly taking me seriously or treating me with any respect. (I am a new grad, which made me feel very bad!)

Whoa. No, you should not say something to your boss about this, and you should not have hurt feelings over it! Hurt feelings have no place here.

Your boss is busy, he cc’d you when he realized that he needed to get you into the loop, and he expects that you’ll take the time to read the context provided in the email chain and figure it out (and ask him if you read through it and still have questions). He’s assuming you’re self-sufficient; it’s pretty normal. What you’re asking for is more coddling than is reasonable to expect in a professional job. Your boss isn’t there to hand-hold you; you’re there to make his job easier, so if you can do something for yourself, he expects you to. (And he gave you your heads up that you’d be pulled into new projects when he hired you; from your start date onward, it’s assumed this will be something that happens.)

2. I feel like I’m enabling a bad boss by not speaking up

I have a terrible boss. I am a mid-career executive assistant to the Big Boss of my organization. I’ve made a career out of being a capable and conscientious assistant, and really like the variety of projects that working for a big boss offers. That said, this guy is really bad. He is a relentless gossip about underlings many layers below him, he is moody, he takes things personally, and plays both favorites and not-favorites, the not-favorites often made to feel entrapped and anxious until they leave. It’s gotten to where there is actually speculation (to the point of behavior being modified) that he’s bugged the office.

Okay, so I know from experience, and from reading your blog, that one should basically keep a happy face about the boss/organization one is leaving to said boss, AND to any potential future employers. At what point does one’s personal integrity come into play enabling a really toxic employer; particularly one that is at the tippy-top of the organization? I’m struggling with this a lot as I look at potential opportunities. Really, this guy is bad. Do I leave and tell him how swell he’s been? Do I tell interviewers how swell he’s been? My sense is yes, I do both, but that leaves me feeling like I’m enabling an abuser!

You don’t tell interviewers, because doing so will reflect badly on you, by making you look indiscreet. But if you have the sort of relationship with your boss that allows you to speak some degree of truth to him — and if you’re willing to risk the relationship — you could certainly let him know when you’re leaving. You’d need to do this in a civil way (“I care about our work, and I think you’d want to understand how some of this is being experienced”), not in an F-you way.

You’re under no obligation to do this, of course, but if you’re highly competent and therefore credible with him, sometimes this kind of message does make a difference. Just know that it does come with risk to your future references, etc.

3. Laughing or gasping to myself in an open office plan

I have something that’s between an endearing quirk and an involuntary tic — when I read something amusing, in an email or in another work-related document, I react out loud, usually a quick giggle or a gasp between me and my monitor. I have about two of these outbursts a day, at conversation level of noise or below in an open plan office. I otherwise try to be realistic about space and noise recognizing that I want to respect others.

These reactions are borderline involuntary, if not genetic (my dad, great-grandma and even my six-year-old cousin do the same thing.) But I think they might be a little weird and give the wrong professional impression. What do you think I should do about it?

I wouldn’t worry about the occasional laugh; I think that’s pretty normal, and I doubt anyone around you notices or cares. Gasps are potentially a little more disruptive, in that people recognize it as a “something’s wrong” signal, so if there’s any voluntariness about that, I’d try to rein it in if you can. But if you can’t, I wouldn’t worry about it.

4. What should I say when I answer the phone?

I’m a college student who recently started applying for internships/jobs. I have one small issue that I’m definitely overthinking, but I’d love your input. I haven’t received a phone call from an unknown caller since I left home. My mom trained me to answer the phone with “Stark residence, this is Sansa speaking” and my workplaces have tended to use something like “Thanks for calling Winterfell, this is Sansa”, but I can’t figure out any way to adjust those templates for my personal cell. I’ve tried out various things — “Hello, this is Sansa”, “Sansa Stark speaking”, etc, and they all just feel really awkward. As I said, I know I’m way overthinking it, but I hate starting off a phone interview already feeling off-kilter. Any advice?

When I’m expecting a work-related call, I answer the phone with “This is Alison.” I don’t love it, but I like it better than any of the alternatives.

5. Passing along a helpful resource to an interviewer

I recently interviewed for a job that I think I’m perfect for. I have not yet heard back from them, so my status is still pending. During the job interview, my interviewer (and would-be supervisor) spoke to me about how they’re looking to revamp their website and newsletters and wish to increase donor support. After the interview, I attended a webinar that covered precisely this topic. I now have a PDF of the slides from the webinar that contain statistics on the type of information donors seek on websites, how to get donors to actually read your newsletters, and what sorts of stories in newsletters tend to inspire donors to give.

I had thoughts of sharing this PDF with my interviewer, but I don’t know if it’s appropriate. Whether he chooses me for the job or someone else, I think it would be really helpful to them and help guide them on their endeavors. I don’t intend to be a kiss-ass, but I’m worried that’s how I’ll come off. What do you think?

Sure, that’s totally fine to do. Just make sure that the slides are really good and not the kind of stuff that’s easily available all over the internet with a quick search. You’ll be framing it as meeting enough of a high bar that you thought it worth passing along, and so you want to make sure that it is truly high quality stuff.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My coworker keeps pushing unwanted help on me

It is my first year working at a boarding school, and one of my coworkers, who has been here for numerous years, has slowly been poking his head in my responsibilities and using them for his own agenda. For instance, one of my responsibilities was to interview students for a position. He sat in on all my interviews and kept trying to boost students who he worked with and gave me reasons not to pick the students that I work closely with. His reasoning was, “Well, this is your first year and I thought you could use the help.” I have moved dates and projects around mainly because they did not fit his schedule. Any time I have come up with an original idea, his response is, “Well, THIS is how we have always done it” and he becomes super persistent until he gets his way.

I appreciate his input and guidance, and I do not mind trying to accommodate, but I need him to let me do my job. Not to mention, the responsibilities he has been poking his head in are now mine because he originally did not want them. Unfortunately, I work AND live at the school and so does he. Additionally, he is very sensitive and insecure. Where I am looking for a colleague, he is looking for a best friend. ( I did not add him on Facebook and it became a “thing.” ) I am looking for advice on how to tactfully let him know I need to do my job while not making it awkward at work/home.

“Thanks, I appreciate the offer to help, but I’m going to handle this on my own.”
“I think I want to figure this out myself, but thank you.”
“I’m going to do this on my own.”
“I’ve got this, but thank you.”
Etc. And you say this pleasantly, but firmly. And then you continue to repeat it firmly until he backs off.

If at some point you want to address it more broadly, you could say, “I appreciate your offers to help, but I think I need to handle most of this stuff on my own. Thanks for understanding.” But since he’s sensitive and insecure, you might be better off just addressing it in the moment as it happens and assuming that he’ll back off once you’ve clearly established that you don’t welcome the “help.”

2. Giving feedback about shoddy work to someone I don’t manage

I work for a franchise of a national company. We own the business, so we generally make our own decisions, with the promise of support from the company in exchange for our royalties.

A nearby business that competes with ours recently re-opened, so I called our “home office” to speak with their marketing specialist about ideas. She and I had a long talk about a lot of things, then she said it would take about a month for her to analyze and get back to me. We set up a meeting for today, which I was really looking forward to, until I received the analysis she’d written up. It looks like it was written by a toddler – run-on sentences, poor spelling, misuse of words, etc. Worse, while the first couple pages apply directly to us and seem to be well-researched, the other ten or so are what appear to be canned responses.

I am so disappointed by this and see no point in having this meeting, as it appears it’ll be a complete waste of everyone’s time. I emailed her back to cancel and included a couple lines about how I didn’t see that most of what she’d included applied to us (for example, she suggested we register with major online review sites, all of which we are already registered with, which she would have known if she’d visited our website).

Was this the right thing to do? I don’t want to shame her, but I can’t help but feel like she turned in skate-by work. If I were her teacher or her supervisor, I’d know how to handle this, but I have no idea if what I did was correct here.

Absolutely. Canceling the meeting was perfectly reasonable given what she’d sent you, and being straightforward in explaining to her why you no longer thought it would be helpful is more useful to her than if you hadn’t told her the reason. I’d actually go a step further than that and say that it would be worth telling someone at your home office what your experience with this support was. Part of the franchise fees you pay buy you support from this home office, and you should speak up if they’re not providing what they promise. (And quality issues fall under that category; wouldn’t you want to know about this if you were them?)

3. My company said I could try working remotely, but then replaced me

I have been at my job for almost five years. About five months ago, I moved about 4 hours away from my job to live closer to my boyfriend. Before I made this move, I asked my company if I would be able to work from home and come into the office once a week. They agreed to try this arrangement out for four months and see how it was. During those four months, I did not hear any complaints or negative feedback. I also spoke with my boss and she assured me that everything was going great.

Well, last week, my boss called me in and told me that it wasn’t working out and that they wanted the person in this position to be in the office five days a week. She told me that my performance has been excellent and the only reason for this decision was that I am not in the office five days a week. She also told me that they had already hired my replacement and that they would be starting in a week.

My boss said that I can keep working there until July or until I find a new job but I would be expected to train my replacement in the meantime. I was pretty shocked and hurt that this was all done without any discussions or feedback. I asked for severance, but my boss was very adamant that I wasn’t fired and that it was my choice to move away. I don’t know what I can do from this point forward. I obviously feel like I was fired and I don’t want to work there anymore and I especially don’t want to train my replacement. I also need to focus on finding a new job. However if I don’t stay then I won’t get any severance or be able to collect unemployment. Was I fired? What can I do in this situation?

It doesn’t sound like you were fired. It sounds like your company assumed that you were going to move whether or not they okayed you working remotely and so they agreed to try it for four months, thinking that they might or might not keep you on longer than that … but that if it didn’t work out, it would just be the same resignation that you would have otherwise given when you moved. They absolutely erred in giving you no heads-up about their thinking, especially when you asked directly how the arrangement was working out, and they suck for blindsiding you like this. But it’s also true that it was set up from the beginning as a four-month experiment, and it’s not crazy that they decided at the end of that time that it wasn’t working for them. (And presumably you knew from the beginning that this could be the outcome.) They’re giving you another 2+ months, which is more than they agreed to at the outset, so in that respect, they’re being pretty accommodating. Really, the only thing they did wrong here was in waiting to fill you in on their thinking once they started having concerns.

As for what to do now, I’d stay while you look for a job, train your replacement, and do good work so you don’t burn the bridge and so you preserve a good reference. When you find a new job, give two weeks notice and move on.

4. Why do interviewers give you their card at the end of the interview?

I have had several interviews over the past few weeks, and I was offered cards at the end of the interview. I assume this is for thank-you notes, but I also use them to ask about timelines if the timeline they mentioned in the interview has passed. One woman gave me a very blanket vague response like she was annoyed that I asked, one woman didn’t even bother to reply to my emails, and the other just fell off the face of the earth. And I had really good interviews! They seemingly like me at first, but afterwards I hear nothing and they get irritated if I reach out. I’m confused!

They give you their cards because it’s a business convention to give people your card at the end of a meeting. (You’re not expected to give them one in return since you’re not there representing your employer.) It’s really nothing more than that. As for why they’re not helpful or don’t respond when you contact them later, that’s part of a larger pattern of employers not getting back to candidates after interviews. Sometimes it’s because they have no news yet, sometimes it’s because they’ve taken you out of the running but are too inconsiderate to tell you, and sometimes it’s because they intend to but forget to in the rush of higher priorities.

5. Did I mess up by addressing my application to HR instead of the hiring manager?

Recently I submitted an application to a generic email address (e.g. careers@awesomeorg.com), and I thought I was being smart by addressing my cover letter and email to their human resources director. After reading your definitions for HR and a hiring manager, I’m not so sure. Did I screw up my chances of getting considered by addressing the email and cover letter to the HR director instead of the person the open position reports to? If so, is there anything I can do to correct this mistake?

No. No one cares how you address the cover letter as long as you don’t make up fake names or spell people’s names wrong. You’re over-thinking it. You don’t even need to address it to a specific name, unless they include a name in their application directions. “Dear hiring manager” is fine, and so are most other variations of that. They do not care. Put it out of your mind.