Ask a Manager

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My wife has to repay for $3.91 for expensing aspirin on a business trip

I’m asking this question on behalf of my wife. Because she travels for work, she was issued a company credit card for food, hotels, flights, and other miscellaneous expenses. On a recent business trip, she came down with the flu. She bought a small bottle of aspirin with her company card and continued to work through her illness.

When she returned, her boss had written “aspirin is not a business expense” on her expense report. He has apparently directed accounts payable to reject the charge and request that she send the company a check for $3.91. This strikes both of us as absurd and petty. On similar trips, this manager has used his expense card to buy expensive bottles of wine at dinner (not with clients). He has a history of micromanaging behavior and bizarre personal boundary violations that’s too long to recount here, but this is a little over the top.

I told her that she should say, “When I’m working with you, aspirin is a business expense.” She was wise enough not to follow this advice. She’s an excellent employee, was recently promoted, and has never misused company money or property. Yes, she is actively looking for new jobs because of her manager’s ongoing behavior.

Yes, this is petty.

I actually think that your wife’s manager is right that the aspirin shouldn’t really have been charged as a business expense … but directing her to pay back $3.91 is nickeling and diming her in a way that will ultimately cost the company more in employee good will.

It can be hard to know where to draw the line on this stuff, at times, and so some managers decide it’s easier to just draw a big, bright line, even if means creating situations like this one. He’s wrong to handle it this way, but I bet it wouldn’t bug you nearly as much if he weren’t so problematic in other regards.

2. Being asked to apply for a job I’m not qualified for

I’m a full-time student in a graduate program that requires an internship to graduate. So far the search has been tough, but I had a break recently when I attended a job fair. I met with a very nice woman who reached out to me on LinkedIn and seems strongly interested in having me work in her department. She is asking me to apply that that specific internship within the organization, as well as to email her a resume directly (I left a resume with her at the job fair as well).

However, after looking at the posting, I am seriously unqualified for the position. It requires heavy technical skills that would beyond the scope of learning over a few months. There are other open internships far more suited to my skills and background. How do I let my contact know that I would love still to work at her organization, but that I might be unsuited for that specific role? Cover letter? Email?

Well, she might have a slightly different role in mind for you, but you also want to make sure that she knows you’re interested even if it’s not for this specific role. I’d say something like, “Looking at the job posting, I’m not sure if I have the background in ___ that you’re looking for; I wonder if the X or Y internships would be a better match? Either way, I’d love to work with you, and hope to talk with you soon.”

3. My employer wants me to stay in hotels that feel unsafe to me

I work at a nonprofit organization that is desperately trying to keep its doors open after losing funding from a large foundation. Our E.D. has made conference attendance and “networking” a top priority (a policy I agree with). Recently, in preparation for attending these conferences, I have been discouraged from staying at hotels at or near the conference centers because they are “too expensive.” Now, I am about to attend a conference in New Haven and was told that the city is “dangerous” (I live in Brooklyn, so that term is very relative/silly to me) and that I should look into AirBnB instead of staying at a traditional hotel because this will save even more money. After a week and a half of searching, I was unable to secure an AirBnB pad, and now find myself once again staying far outside of the normal walking distance (my primary concern) from the conference center. One of the reviews for the hotel mention a shooting that happened during a reviewer’s stay. Once again, the conference hotel was deemed “too expensive” and, no, I am not allowed to rent a car.

Do I just need to suck it up and deal with these less-than-ideal circumstances because we’re a nonprofit or should I seek another path to securing safer/better accommodations, like speaking to the president of the board?

Well, it’s not at all unusual for nonprofit staffers to stay in less expensive hotels away from where the conference is in order to save money. So that part, yes, I think you just need to deal with. And if it really rankles you, it’s possible that life at this particular nonprofit just isn’t for you.

But safety concerns are different. You should not go to the board, because it would be really inappropriate to go over your boss’s head — much less to the board (!) — on something like this. But you can certainly speak to your boss and explain that the only accommodations within the organization’s price range are ones that you don’t feel safe staying in. It might come down to a choice between paying slightly more for somewhere safe or not going at all, but that’s a conversation that you should be having with your boss. (I’d also try to reality-check those reviews if you can; surely there are reasonably safe but affordable places to stay in New Haven? Even if they’re far from the conference and require taking a cab to and from it — which you’d also need to factor into overall costs, of course.)

But ultimately this might be a question of whether the organization can afford the full costs of these trips; maybe it can’t, in some cases. And if their answer is that you need to stay somewhere you feel unsafe, at that point you’d need to decide if that’s something you’re willing to do.

4. Interviewer said my major was “pompous”

I just had an interesting piece of feedback from an interview. It was for a spot on their science education team at a retreat/camp. Let’s ignore the fact that the interviewing group knew me well because I have been volunteering there for a year and have been doing the work for the position they were filling. I didn’t get the job and I was left feeling a little led on so I asked for feedback.

The feedback from this science education team was, “great interview,” “excellent resume/application,” “strong background,” and “a little high and mighty about a pompous degree. Feel free to just says it’s ‘biology.'” Uh…

My undergrad was a Zoology degree. I’ve run across people who think that I have a degree in kittens, but they were never from within the science community. During the interview when that came up, I took in the scientific educator audience and briefly explained that I was a zoology major who concentrated on comparative animal physiology. When asked to explain, I said that my senior project was on cardiology in various lizard species. Unique and pretty useless? Sure. High and mighty? I didn’t think so.

Do I change my resume to say “biology” so that it doesn’t draw as much attention? Since when is zoology a pompous major? Were they just jerks?

They were just ridiculous people. Don’t change the way you refer to your degree — which is perfectly normal and straightforward — just because of one bizarre experience. Someone over there is a kook.

5. Mentioning an interviewer’s son’s college search in my thank-you note

I recently interviewed for a job, and at the end of the interview, a member of the interview panel showed me around the office. During the tour, she mentioned that her son was applying to the university I currently work at. We talked briefly about it, and I mentioned how great the university was, something I really do believe.

Would it be strange to say “Good luck to your son in his college search” or “Call me if you have any questions about touring or applying to [University]” in my thank-you note?

The first one is fine, but the second one comes up a little too close to the sucking-up line for my tastes (not that you are — just that it could sound like it). It’s stick just with the first.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Employee keeps bugging me to interview someone

I am the first point of contact for hiring at my company, so I get a lot of employee referrals. Although I am not the final decision maker, I have a pretty good idea what the hiring manager is looking for in each position. Recently, an employee referred a friend for a sales position, but I know the hiring manager would not consider this candidate for a number of reasons. I’ve been doing my best to see if the candidate could fit into another position, but there doesn’t seem to be a fit at this time.

The employee has asked me three times when I plan to call his referral, and I’ve told the employee each time that the referral is not qualified for the position and I am not planning to call, but the employee keeps insisting that I call “just to talk.” I don’t have time just to talk if I know I am not bringing in a candidate for an interview. Do I call just to satisfy the employee and let them know I called, we talked, and there was not a fit? Or do I need to word my rejection more clearly?

You need to be more clear. And don’t call the candidate just to satisfy the employee referring her; that’s a waste of your time and theirs, and it would be inconsiderate to mislead her like that. Say this to the employee who keeps pressing you: “I appreciated the referral, but Jane isn’t the right match with any of our current openings. I’ve sent her a rejection email to let her know.” And do send that rejection email, which will give all this some finality.

2. Did I irritate this hiring manager?

I am a full-time college student graduating next month. I recently went through a phone interview with a recruiter, and she pressured me into a phone interview immediately because they liked my resume. During the phone interview, she told me I was the number one candidate, then scheduled an interview with the hiring manager. The hiring manager was giving me really good vibes and was being very nice. At the end of the interview, he told me he wanted to move forward and have a face-to-face in one week before he interviewed anyone else. Then he said that someone from his staff would contact me.

After a few days, no one had contacted me, so I contacted the hiring manager and told him that no one had contacted me. He said I should hear something this week. So, I replied with, “When should I expect to hear, and are we still planning to meet this week?” He said, “Maybe next week.” So I said, “I am looking forward to meeting with you, and I was hoping we could do it this week.” Then the manager replied, “Really – are you questioning me??” At that point, I took a step back and said, “No, I am really looking forward to the opportunity. I sincerely apologize for the misunderstanding.”

I feel like I was just trying to be assertive and show interest. Are they just giving me the run-around? What do I do now?

“Are you questioning me?” is utterly obnoxious, but his point wasn’t surprising — he told you when he was able to meet, and you kind of violated interview norms when you pushed back. The employer controls the hiring timeline. You can certainly share any constraints on your side (such as having another offer), but aside from that, you’re really at the mercy of the interviewer’s timeline.

Hiring often takes longer than people think it will. Employers often state one timeline and end up taking three times that long, or even longer. It’s frustrating, but it’s the nature of how it works. It’s good to show interest, but not to pressure them, which is what ended up happening here. At this point, I’d just be patient and wait for them to get back in touch with you. If you haven’t heard anything in two weeks, contact the recruiter (probably not the hiring manager in this case) to ask if she has an updated timeline.

3. Asking veterinary job candidates about dog and cat allergies

It has been my understanding that you can’t ask any medical questions during an interview without violating the Americans with Disabilities Act. However, I am a practice manager at at veterinary clinic and recently hired an interviewee who later disclosed to a coworker that she is allergic to cats. HELLO! We see both cats and dogs. This is the second time someone has been hired who I later learn is allergic to cats. I can imagine how bad they feel having a severe allergy attack, needing an inhaler or going home mid-shift.

I’d like to ask, if they have any issues working with cats or dogs, maybe leading it in the way of “Are you frightened of cats or dogs?” but then again why would they apply if they did. Please help.

Well, it’s true that you can’t ask about medical conditions, but you can ask about their ability to perform the essential functions of the job. So in this case, you could ask, “This job requires close contact with dogs and cats, for eight or more hours at a time. Is there any reason you wouldn’t be able to do that?”

By the way, it’s possible that her allergy is minor and she’s willing to deal with symptoms (especially if it’s just a runny nose or other mild symptoms). If that’s the case and it’s not impacting her ability to do her work, that’s her call.

4. My coworker blew up when told we wanted a group photo for the company website

I work for a company that is currently redesigning its website. As part of the redesign, we have a staff page and would like to include a staff group photo on the page. One staff member is refusing to have his picture taken and has threatened legal action if he is forced to take a photo and then we use it on the website. I’m not sure what his objections are. All I know is that he stormed out of the staff meeting. I’m not his supervisor, but my boss also seemed at a loss on how to proceed on this one. There was some yelling and steamy confrontation going on, which is a larger issue altogether. He specifically said he would bring a cease and desist suit against the company.

In doing a Google search, I found some information about this from the U.K., but not specific to the U.S. So my question is one of the myriad of is it legal questions. Can we require participation in a staff photo for a website?

You sure can. He has no legal basis for refusal, let alone a cease and desist against your company (unless he has a genuine religious objection, but that sounds unlikely to be the case here). That said, is there some reason why he must be included? This is a request that’s pretty easy to accommodate, and I’m not fan of forcing people into group photos (or any photos) if they don’t want to be there.

His crazy explosion is a different issue, though, and one that points to some pretty serious problems, I’m guessing.

5. Should I mention that my graphic design knowledge is self-taught?

I am applying for a job that includes a small amount of basic graphic design. In my current job, I have taught myself how to use Adobe Creative Suite and am definitely capable of basic graphic design. Is it bad to mention that I’m self taught? Does it show that I like to learn new things or does it read that I’m not qualified?

I don’t think it’s bad to mention that you’re self-taught (many skilled people are when it comes to software programs), but there’s no need to mention that on your application (not because it’s bad, but just because it’s not really relevant). The trick, regardless of how you learned, will be demonstrating what your level of proficiency is — so you want to describe what you’ve used it successfully for.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. What to say to an employee who resigned unprofessionally

An employee I supervise in an hourly role working with children resigned today. I am not his direct manager, but rather the overall coordinator for this program working with youth. We regularly hire a number of tutors who know from the start that they need to make a commitment to the students, and we look for that as a quality when hiring.

This particular employee chose to resign this morning by text message to a coworker, not his direct supervisor. She heard it secondhand from the coworker after the employee was supposed to be at work. I’ve since followed up with him (after hearing about it THIRD-HAND – still no direct notification) asking him to clarify the rumor that he was resigning, to which he essentially responded, “Yeah, I was going to tell you later, but I’m really tired after work all the time and I appreciate the opportunity but it’s just not for me.”

For his own sake, I want to tell him to never ever do this again. He’s still a student (college age) and is learning about the professional world, and I want to leave him with some good constructive criticism. I want to phrase it well, but also let him know he messed up, and at the moment I’m stuck on the disrespectful tone of his response, AND the fact that we’re now in a bad spot for the next few weeks….and I’m concerned that whatever I send is going to be too much of an attack and therefor not actually useful advice.

How about, “Please give me a call so we can talk about the logistics” (or simply giving him a call yourself to have that conversation). Then, in addition to whatever logistics you presumably really do need to cover (final paycheck, etc.), you can say, “I want to be candid with you: I was surprised by the way you handled your resignation. It’s true that no job will be for everyone and every role will have some turnover, but I was a little taken aback by the way you handled this. I know you’re new to the working world and this stuff isn’t always intuitive, but in general, I want to encourage you to talk face-to-face with managers when you resign in the future and make sure they don’t hear it second-hand.”

The other issue here is that his wording to you was incredibly cavalier, but I’m not sure you’ll achieve anything by going into that with someone who’s already clearly checked out.

2. Should I pit two companies against each other to get a better offer?

I’ve interviewed with Company A and Company B over the last month and a half, keeping Company A waiting several weeks while I went through a longer interviewing process with Company B. Company A had indicated that they would like to give me an offer over the phone when I am ready. Company B called me this morning to let me know they want to give me an offer as well!

The thing is, the two choices involve completely different roles. While I like both companies, after all these weeks of interviewing and soul searching I now realize that I really, really want to be doing the type of work I’ll be doing at Company B.

My partner thinks I should let Company A know I have an offer from B so that I can “pit them against each other” and negotiate my way to higher salaries/benefits, etc., but I’m pretty sure I really want to work at Company B and that there is no amount of money that would convince me to choose Company A. To me, it doesn’t seem nice of me to waste any more of Company A’s time if I don’t intend on accepting the offer. Given that, should I get back in touch with Company A and negotiate two job offers? Or should I negotiate Company B’s offer (on its own merit) and politely tell Company A that I’m going elsewhere?

Don’t play games with Company A. If you know you won’t accept their offer, there’s no point in trying to negotiate with them; you’d be wasting your time and theirs, and you’d be potentially burning a bridge by drawing out the process without any sincere interest. Moreover, if you try to use Company A’s offer to get more money from Company B, you risk Company B saying, “Sorry, we can’t do that, so you should accept the other offer” — and losing the offer you really want. Plus, companies want to believe you’re genuinely excited about working with them — not that you’re just auctioning yourself off to the highest bidder (even if you are). So negotiate with Company B on your own merits, and don’t negotiate in bad faith with Company A.

3. Research projects versus internships

I am currently enrolled in an advanced degree program, as well as working full-time in my field. My program is wrapping up and I need to commit to my final class. This class is either an internship or research project that focuses on an issue in our field. My intention throughout my program was to do the internship route and gain new technical skills that I would like to develop (as the skills I want to learn are being listed as a requirement more and more in my field). Due to my significant other’s recent job move, my plans had to change, as did my schedule. This means that a remote internship is likely the only option with my time availability.

When I brought up the possibility of a remote internship to my adviser, she contacted the Assistant Director for advice on this possibility. The Assistant Director seems to suggest the research project to anyone who works full-time and can’t do the internship on-site. We have been in talks about this, but I would like some other opinions: What are employers’ thoughts on remote internships? Are they counted in the same light as on-site internships? Does it depend on the industry and the projects undertaken? And am I putting myself at a disadvantage if I do the research project option instead of the internship option? Can I work my research project into my resume as I could with freelance work?

A remote internship isn’t always as valuable as an on-site internship; you lose some of the value of simply learning how to operate in an office and you often don’t get the same exposure to colleagues that you’d get if you were on-site. However, a remote internship is still vastly superior to a research project. Employers will see the research project as simply an extension of your academics, whereas an internship is actual work experience. Go for the internship if at all possible, even if it’s remote.

(And while you could possibly put the research project on your resume, depending on the details of it, it won’t be counted the same as freelance work. For it to really be counted as work experience, you need to be accountable to a manager, not just to yourself or a professor, and it needs to be outside a school context.)

4. Should I apologize for taking feedback badly?

My boss is great most of the time, but she got me in the office as soon as I walked in today and lectured me about staff training. I was in a particularly bad mood and basically sulked and moaned about “having my coaching questioned,” which she didn’t really do. Should I apologize with a “bad day, won’t happen again” vibe?

It’s hard to tell based on the limited information here, but probably. Sulking and moaning are generally not great moves, and complaining about having your actions questioned when your boss is giving you feedback generally doesn’t make you look great either. One way to approach it is, “I wasn’t as receptive as I wish I’d been when you talked to me about staff training the other day. I’ve thought about what you said, and I’m taking the feedback to heart, particularly X and Y. Thanks for talking to me about it, and I’ll be vigilant about not getting defensive in the future.”

5. I have a job offer but might get a better one in a few months

So I’ve been unhappy with my current job for awhile and have been job hunting for a few months now. I scored an interview at my dream agency, a place I used to intern at two years ago. It went really well, as did the follow-up interview. However, they called me a few weeks later to tell me that, although I am their first choice for the position and they would like to offer me the job, there’s a delay with acquiring some new business and they wouldn’t be able to hire me for about two months. I didn’t get a hard “yes,” but it seems as though the new business was delayed, not on hold or postponed, and was an eventuality that was likely to happen.

Fastforward a few weeks and I’ve been offered a position I’m much less excited about, but one I still like better than my current job and I’d be happy to at least work somewhere else, but I’m still waiting to hear from my dream job. How should I proceed? Would it be wise to call up the manager I’ve been speaking with at Dream Agency to tell them I’ve been offered a position, but I really want to work with them and could they give me any info about timelines moving forward? I really don’t mind sitting tight for another month, but I just want to know it’s a sure thing before I turn down this other position.

First, don’t assume it’s a sure thing unless you have a firm offer that you’ve accepted (after all, they could end up not coming to terms on salary or other details), and a start date. Without that, there’s no offer — just an employer that is kind of interested in you.

Contact the first place and explain that they’re your first choice but you have a firm offer from another company that you need to respond to by ___, and ask if they’re able to expedite things on their side. If they do, great. But if they tell you that they can’t, then you need to decide if you’re willing to turn down a definite offer in favor of one that might never materialize.

It’s helpful to think about how you’ll feel in two months if they end up not hiring you after all — will you regret having turned this one down? There’s no perfect answer here; it’s about how much risk you’re willing to tolerate, how much you want the other job, how much you do or don’t want the job you have an offer for now, and how much you’d regret ending up with no jobs at the end of all this. That sounds like I’m pushing you to take the offer you have now, but I’m not; it’s truly about where all these factors shake out for you.