your 7 biggest career sins

by Alison Green on May 8, 2014

I recently asked readers to confess their biggest career sins – from arrogance to deception to (it turned out) fiery destruction.

Here are seven of the most notable — and as you read, remember to let she who has never sinned cast the first stone!  

Sin 1: Vengeance

“I worked as a ticket counter and gate agent for an airline. This really nasty person came up to the counter after their scheduled flight had already departed. I explained that they needed to be rebooked for later and they started yelling and complaining. After dealing with three other cancelled flights that day, I wasn’t in the mood. So I took it all out on this one passenger. I added the SSSS to their boarding pass so they would have to go through TSA secondary screening, misrouted their luggage, unlinked their return flight so they were no longer confirmed, and reseated them in the very back on the aircraft with a window that looked right out onto the loud engines. If I was ever caught, I would’ve been fired, and deservedly so. I really don’t feel all that guilty about it though. I hate when people are snotty after they are late for a flight.”

Sin 2: Arrogance

“All four years of my undergrad, I worked at the same university office, where I was really good at my job and made great relationships with the people who worked there. I knew I wanted to continue working there after I graduated, but there wasn’t a position open. I worked terrible odd-jobs, waiting for a position to open. After a year, they got a new director and two entry-level positions opened up. I applied, and waited for my coronation. It never came. When I found out they had completed first-round interviews without calling me, I was livid. I emailed him and cc’d his boss, telling him how awful he was and what a huge mistake he had made. He immediately responded with an email telling me that he was very sorry I had sent that email because they had decided to push me straight through to the final round of interviews and that I had, up until that point, been their top prospect. I didn’t get the interview and never set foot in that office again.”

Sin 3: Lying

“I accidentally caused the company’s server to get fried. I’m in the northeast and it was October 2013 when Hurricane Sandy hit. Weeks earlier, I had done rearranging of the server cabinet at one location. For some reason, I didn’t plug the server back into the surge protector. I plugged it into the wall. The server was already on its last leg. When Sandy hit, the power was out for a couple days. Well, when it went back on, there was a surge and it fried the server completely. Dead, dead, dead. So when we called an emergency meeting to discuss the need to replace the server, the cost, timing, etc., I just said it was the hurricane and it was on its last leg anyway. Never told anyone I had plugged it directly into the wall. Yes, it was going to be replaced the following year, but the company was tight on money at that point so it wasn’t a good thing.”

Sin 4: Fraud

“When I was right out of college, I used to be very good at BS’ing my way through interviews, claiming to have lots of technical knowledge that I had just read about in the time leading up to my interviews. I speak with a lot of confidence and come across as totally on top of everything, even when I’m definitely not. I absolutely thought that reading about something and absorbing the theoretical fundamentals was good enough to get through and that actual experience was secondary. Of course, I often ended up a floundering stressball when my supervisor didn’t think she needed to train me on these things. I was never let go, but I’m sure it eventually occurred to them that I wasn’t as skilled as I came across in my interviews and I was a bit of a disappointment.”

Sin 5: Reign of Fire

“When I was first starting out in nonprofit fundraising, I worked at a small and dysfunctional organization that had a decent sized silent auction. One of our donors gave us a bunch of time shares for the auction. The ED asked me to handle all the legal paperwork for transferring the deeds and titles and whatnot. The process was incredibly confusing, and no one at the various county governments was helpful, only advising that we hire a real estate attorney to do the paperwork. The agency refused to do so, saying, ‘You’re smart, just figure it out!’ When I asked for help, I was ignored.

I spent about two weeks trying to figure out what to do, but each county was different, the timeshare companies were unhelpful, and I had zero knowledge about quitclaim deeds and titles and all that stuff. After a bunch of reading and studying, I mailed off the documents only to have them rejected for legal reasons I didn’t understand. I tried again, only to be rejected a second time. After about a month of intense anxiety, insomnia, and occasional stress-vomiting, I told the director I was going to the post office to mail all of the various legal packets to the counties for what should be the final approval. Instead, I drove down a dirt road, pulled over, threw all the documents in a big pile and set them on fire.

About a week later, I contacted the original donor and purchasers and explained that there must have been a snafu with the counties, because the transactions weren’t being processed correctly. I told them I would try to get their donations back, but they all graciously declined and said we could keep the money. The original donor was pleased too, surprisingly, because her new husband liked to travel and she had regretted giving away the timeshares.”

Sin 6: Vengeance, again

“Years ago, I worked in an office with an IBM mainframe, complete with those giant dot matrix printers. It was common courtesy, and an IT requirement, to sign off the log-in screen when you were done. The system also had the ability to send a message from one user to the other. One woman never, ever did this. You’d go to the print room to change paper and release your forms, and you’d have to always take the extra steps to log her out first.

One day, I had enough. Still signed on as her, I quickly sent one of the vice presidents a message saying how sexy and hot he was. Then I signed on as me, released my stuff, and went on about my day. A few minutes later, I heard him bellow her name from down the hall. I heard her frantically trying to explain herself as well. Bottom line – she got a reprimand for not logging off, and she never left her computer logged on again. I never told her it was me. Problem solved.”

Sin 7: Theft

“At one job they had a giant box of free tampons in the ladies room. I didn’t buy tampons for the entire year I worked there. I would stuff handfuls in my purse every time I went in. Whenever I buy tampons now, I always think, ‘Man, remember when I got these for free!!’”

Sin 8: Deception

“At one of my old jobs, I was so buried with work that I couldn’t get everything done. It was also such a toxic environment that I felt like I couldn’t tell anyone that things weren’t getting done. I ended up telling them that this one important thing was finished when I really had never even worked on it. I kept up the lie for months. Then I went on maternity leave. My supervisor actually called me in the hospital after I had a C-section to ask where this piece of work was. I told her I couldn’t remember exactly where I had saved it. The day I came back from maternity leave, I was fired. I feel like I learned a great lesson from this. Mainly, if I can’t get my work done I need to speak up about it.”

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my junior coworker won’t stop complaining about how hungry she is in meetings

by Alison Green on May 8, 2014

A reader writes:

I have a question about how to deal with a “hungry” coworker.

A little background: The coworker is junior to me (by a few years), but we’re the same as far as authority positions (i.e., neither of us is in management). She’s been working at the same company for about 2 years, but just recently joined my group a couple months ago. She’s nice and eager to learn and interacts well with the group. However, I’ve noticed a pattern emerging. We’ve been in several meetings that have gone a little (no more than an hour) over the scheduled time, and she has commented (both when asked and unsolicited) that she was very hungry. Like, someone will ask, “Does anyone have a commitment at 11 [meeting end time]?” She’ll say, “No, but definitely at 11:30. I’m SOOOO hungry.” Then later in same meeting, she’ll obviously “whisper,” “Seriously, SOO hungry.” When she’s not been asked, it’s more of the obvious whispering. She has even left a couple of meetings because she was so hungry.

She also packs up her stuff, puts it in her lap and moves away from the table, when the meeting is clearly not over. This is usually accompanied by the whispers.

I want to let her know that this is coming off as very unprofessional. This is her first job out of college, and I’m not sure she realizes how this is being perceived (by me anyway…maybe no one else cares). I’m not sure 1) if it’s my place to say something and 2) what I should say if it is.

I understand there may be some health issues that I’m not aware of, but I (being hypoglycemic) will step out to have a snack, if my blood sugar is running low. Any advice?

This is one of those behavioral norms that seem totally obvious to people who have been in the work world for a while, but aren’t always to people who are new to it. (It reminds me of someone’s comment last week about needing to tell interns that they shouldn’t hug and exclaim wildly when they run into people they like in the office hallway.)

I do think it would be kind to give her a heads-up, especially (a) if you can frame it as coming from a place of having had to figure out workplace expectations yourself just a few years ago, and (b) if you have the type of dynamic where you can do it in a way that won’t feel condescending.

I’d say something like this: “Hey, can I give you some advice? I know from my own experience that it can take some time to figure out workplace norms when you’re in your first job out of school, and I think you might not realize that people don’t usually talk so frequently about being hungry during meetings. I think it might be coming across a little less polished than people usually expect here — generally they’re going to assume you’ll manage your meals so that hunger doesn’t get in the way of you being able to fully focus on a meeting, even if it runs a little over.”

Depending on where the conversation goes from there — and whether she seems receptive — you could ask her what she thinks is going on. Is she not eating breakfast? Can she keep snacks in her desk and down a granola bar before 11 a.m. meetings? Or, if there is a medical issue that can’t be easily managed, it might help her to know how to better frame it for people.

Hopefully that’ll take care of this. If it doesn’t, then at that point you should let it go, since it’s really her deal (and her manager’s) to manage. But giving her a friendly heads-up is a nice thing to do.

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my manager asked me if this is the right job for me, requests for online reviews when you’d rather decline, and more

by Alison Green on May 8, 2014

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My manager asked me to think about if this is the right job for me

My manager has asked me “to think if this is really the right job for me.” What she is saying is that she doesn’t think it is the right job for me, and this isn’t the first time she has asked this question. I don’t think it is, but I certainly don’t want to talk her into letting me go.

I have been looking for another job, and would love to move from my current situation. That said, I need to stay working until I find something else. My current manager is very involved in my day to day work, so seeking work elsewhere isn’t the easiest thing to make time for. What is the right way to answer her?

When your manager is asking you to think about whether this is the right job for you, it’s a big warning sign that your job is in jeopardy. That means that it’s pretty urgent that you find time to job search, even though it’s hard to do that — because statements like your manager’s are the writing on the wall that your time there might be coming to an end, and it’s nearly always easier to find a job while you’re still employed than afterwards.

As for what to do now, with some managers you could be honest, say that it’s not the job for you, and agree on a transition period (during which you could job search while still being employed). With plenty of other managers, though, acknowledging that the job isn’t for you could mean that you’ll be out of there within a couple of weeks, if not less. So you’ve got to know who you’re dealing with here. If it’s the latter, your best bet is probably to say something like, “While it hasn’t come as naturally to me as I’d like, I want to do this work and I’m committed to meeting your expectations” and then work to show that you’re doing that — while simultaneously speeding up your job search in case that doesn’t work out.

2. How should I fill our daily required meetings?

We are required by our organization to have daily meetings that are to last no more than 15 minutes, following the Lean process. We are to review any new Just Do Its that have been submitted and follow up on old ones. We have 9 people in my department and we are average about 4 Just Do It’s a month. This doesn’t leave us much to talk about.

We’ve adopted our own format which is really just open to discussion, if anyone has anything to talk about. Some days we get into great discussions about an issue someone is having, or putting together a team-building exercise. Other days, nothing. We have certain people who never speak up, and others who always do. I’m trying to find a way to make this more engaging and somehow get everyone to play a role. We assigned a Safety position to one team member, but he never brings anything up. Our Analyst talks about system issues, and he does well. But the rest of them are bumps on a log. I try being lively and engaging, but I think they look at me like I’m just crazy and pray for the end of the meeting. I tried making everyone rotate who leads the meeting; they half-heartedly went through the motions until it was over. I thought about developing roles and throwing them into a hat. Each month you get a new role and you report on “something” at the meeting related to your role…I think they would all hate me if I did that, though.

Yeah, this is what happens when you have meetings for meetings’ sake, rather than because there are specific things that need to be talked about. I’m not at all surprised that you’re finding that some days you have nothing to talk about if you’re having meetings just because you’re being required to.

Rather than trying to find a way to fill time, why not push back on whoever imposed this requirement and either explain that it’s wasting people’s time or get advice on how to make the time do what it’s intended for? If that doesn’t work, don’t resort to making up things for people to talk about — convene, see if anyone has anything for discussion, and if they don’t, adjourn the meeting and let people get back to work.

3. How to handle a request for an online review when you don’t want to give one

Last Wednesday, my wife and I closed on a house. As with all home-buying experiences, this one had some hiccups. Unfortunately, our agent was far less adept at navigating these hiccups than we would have hoped. Without going into all the details, there were issues from paperwork mishaps to the fact that he effectively showed what cards we held during each negotiation. How did we end up with such an agent? We’d known him professionally for almost two years, and used him a couple times in signing rental leases (a common practice in our metro area) before finally buying a home. He is very friendly and has a great eye for properties and for what we really valued in properties. For straightfoward rental contracts, he was great. We would just never use him again for a homebuying transaction (which for context is his main line of work in real estate, aside a few random rentals like our previous ones).

Despite the hiccups, we closed and he got us a nice engraved butcher-block cutting board as a housewarming gift. He also sent us a link to rate him as an agent on a popular reviewing site. This requires ratings for different metrics, including things like negotiation. We feel bad not leaving a review after his personal request, but we would not recommend him as a homebuying agent. Unlike saying a job candidate has excellent penmanship (and conveying he may not be a great fit), talking up our agent’s good qualities is at best infelicitous. These are good qualities for an agent, but not compared to the legal and administrative work in actually negotiating and executing the contract to purchase a home.

Since this is effectively how he gets professional feedback, what should one do? Have a frank–and awkward, and undoubtedly relationship-breaking–conversation with him on how we’d rate him (just not do it online)? Rate him honestly but perhaps while still being a little charitable? As additional context, while he’s been in the business nearly 20 years, he is just getting his online presence up-to-date. As such, he only has a couple reviews online. In all honesty, I’m afraid even a charitable portrayal would likely undermine his ratings. Any suggestions?

I don’t think you’re obligated to tell you him your concerns about his performance if that’s a conversation you don’t feel like having. He’s not an employee, where you’d have an obligation to provide candid feedback and professional development. How about just ignoring the request? Plenty of people aren’t online reviewers, and receiving the request doesn’t obligate you to fulfill it. If he follows up with you about it again and you feel like you can’t continue ignoring it without being rude, at that point you could either fall back on a white lie (“we’re not big online reviewers”) or bite the bullet and nicely tell him why (for instance, “to be honest, we loved working with you on rentals but were a little dismayed by XYZ in the house purchase — and I think it’s the house-buying work that you’re looking for the review on”).

4. I’m hearing impaired and having trouble with my manager’s accent

I started a new job and have a supervisor with an Indian accent who I have difficulty understanding. I am hearing impaired, which exacerbates the situation, especially when I ask her to repeat something multiple times. I feel frustrated in these situations, and she probably does too. When she repeats things, she says them faster, which doesn’t help either. She is aware of my hearing loss but not of my trouble with her accent. I don’t know if I should bring this up. I feel odd doing so.

“I’m so sorry, my hearing doesn’t handle accents well. It’s nothing on your side, but it will help me hear if you can slow down.” Say this nicely and even a little apologetically, so that it’s clear you’re not just being a pain about talking to someone with an accent.

5. Do I have to be paid for my notice period if my employer tells me to leave immediately?

I have heard before that if I give the proper two-week notice and my employer asks me to leave immediately, they have to pay me no matter what for those two weeks. Is this true?

No, that’s not true. They don’t have to pay you for any time you didn’t work, even if they tell you to leave sooner than the ending date you offered.

However, in most states, you could collect unemployment for those two weeks (because even though you resigned, which would normally make you ineligible, those two weeks without pay were involuntary). Unemployment is usually significantly less than your paycheck would be, but it’s something.

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should you always negotiate salary?

by Alison Green on May 7, 2014

A reader writes:

I received a job offer for more than I expected. I had told them my range earlier in the process, and they came in a little over that. I’m thrilled! 

I know that I’m supposed to always negotiate, but does that hold true when I’m happy with their initial offer? I feel weak not negotiating, but I really would be thrilled to accept this.

You should usually negotiate, but that doesn’t mean always.

Cases where you shouldn’t negotiate:

* when you already told them the range you were seeking and they meet or exceed your top number (if you negotiate in that situation, you risk looking like you weren’t operating in good faith earlier)

* if the employer brings up salary earlier in the process and you agree to the range they cite (again, you risk looking like you weren’t operating in good faith earlier, unless something very significant about the job has changed since then)

* if they tell you that they’re making you their absolute best offer and the numbers back that up (you risk looking like you’re assuming they’re not operating in good faith when they are and/or that you’ll be a culture misfit if they are indeed people who say what they mean and act with integrity)

You’re thrilled about the offer, which is more than you asked for. Accept it, and congratulations.

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my coworker has an offensive bobble-head doll on his desk

by Alison Green on May 7, 2014

A reader writes:

I’m having an issue with a coworker. I don’t meet with him often, but it’s well known throughout the office that he holds very conservative views in addition to being homophobic. As a social media manager at the company, I manage our clients’ pages through a profile created by the employee before me. As the profile is “friends” with him, every now and then, articles expressing hot button topics (anti gay marriage, pro-life, racist articles about Obama, etc.) pop up on the newsfeed.

However, after the Duck Dynasty controversy when the patriarch shared some racist and homophobic views, this coworker brought a bobble-head of said patriarch and has placed it prominently on his desk. Now, I’m all for people bringing personal knick knacks to add a bit of personality to their work space, but every time I see this bobble-head, it makes me uncomfortable and upset. I support his right to have his opinion, but as someone who shares opposite and equally polarizing viewpoints, I don’t think the workplace is an appropriate place to have these views on display. Furthermore, clients do come to our agency regularly to meet with this director in his office, and I feel it’s only a matter of time before someone besides me is offended by this.

The issue? He’s an executive director and managing partner of the company.

I want to go to HR about this, but it is a small company. All the executive directors are male. They attend the same conservative church as many other coworkers (one of my coworkers has had two other coworkers try to “save” her). The HR director is also a managing partner and, while I think he tries to remain as neutral as possible, I’m afraid that speaking out about this will lead to me being pegged as “difficult” in an environment that’s notorious for showing preferential treatment towards men. I also fear I’ll be treated poorly, or even fired.

I don’t think I’m being too sensitive about this, but I honestly don’t know how to approach it. I’m not comfortable talking to the executive director personally as I’ve had multiple coworkers tell me he can be cruel when offended. Side note: I am enrolling in school as an “exit strategy,” but classes won’t start for another three months. But that also makes me conflicted about whether I should bring this up at all.

Well … basically, it sounds you’re working for a conservative company, where you’re going to be exposed to socially conservative viewpoints.

I get why the bobble-head doll bugs you, but I don’t think it’s something you’ll get much traction complaining about, especially in this particular office. A figurine of a reality show star isn’t likely to rise to the level of hostile workplace in the legal sense, and yeah, in the office it sounds like you’re working in, you’re likely to be seen as being overly sensitive.

I agree with you that it might offend clients, but it doesn’t sound like your company is terribly concerned about that. It’s prominently displayed, after all, so if someone senior to you in the company is concerned about how clients will feel about it, they’ll address it. It’s not behavior he’s hiding or that others aren’t positioned to see.

At the end of the day, this guy is a jerk, but it’s a doll. I agree you with that Duck Dynasty = ick, but there are bigger issues.

Speaking of those bigger issues: I’m much more concerned that you’re working with someone who has apparently been vocally homophobic in your workplace, and that you’re having to listen to his racist and homophobic speech on social media. I’d block his posts so that you don’t need to see them from the work profile that’s connected to him (you can do that without unfriending him), and if you hear any more hateful speech from him, I’d absolutely complain about that. (That said, in an environment where more than one coworker has tried to “save” someone, that complaint may or may not get results.)

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why haven’t I heard back after my job interview?

by Alison Green on May 7, 2014

You thought you had a great job interview, and you left confident that you’d be hearing good news from the company soon. Your interviewer might have even told you that they wanted to move quickly. And then … silence. What’s going on? Why is it taking so long for the employer to get back to you after a seemingly great interview?

It helps to realize that employers and candidates are often on two very different timelines. For candidates, hiring processes can feel like they’re moving incredibly slowly. But for employers, who often have many priorities above hiring to juggle, taking weeks or even months to get back to candidates might not feel unreasonable.

While you’re waiting for an update, though, it can be useful to understand what might be going on behind the scenes. Here are five of the most common reasons that you haven’t heard anything yet.

  1. The employer hasn’t finished the interview process yet. You might think that it’s a bad sign if the company is continuing to interview other candidates, but if often doesn’t mean anything at all. Most employers want to interview at least three to five people for any given slot, sometimes more. And these interviews can be set up well in advance, before they even met with you. Depending on people’s schedules, those interviews could go on for weeks after they talked with you – without being any reflection on you at all.
  1. Something came up and got in the way. Job seekers tend to assume that hiring goes smoothly and quickly on the employer’s side, but there can be plenty of bumps along the way – whether it’s a budget question that needs to be ironed out before they can make a hire, a decision-maker being out on vacation, a more crucial role becoming vacant and needing to be dealt with first, or an unrelated work priority getting in the way. All of these can make the process drag out much longer than the employer themselves envisioned, and certainly longer than antsy job seekers would prefer.
  1. They’re resolving questions about the position itself. Sometimes hiring needs can change or be thrown into question. A new project might have the hiring manager wondering if she needs to hire someone with PR experience in addition to the other qualifications she was seeking. Or the job description might have seemed right until the department’s deputy announced she’s resigning, and now the manager is figuring out whether to combine that role with the one you interviewed for, reconfigure it altogether, or move various players around. This is the kind of thing you can’t tell from the outside, but can often throw hiring timelines into disarray.
  1. The employer offered the job to another candidate and is waiting for an answer. This might seem like you’re out of the running, but candidates do turn down offers – and if that happens, you might be next on the list. (And there’s no shame in that; plenty of great candidates end up as second choice simply because there were multiple great candidates and only one slot.)
  1. Yes, it’s possible that they’ve hired another candidate and haven’t bothered to tell you. This is incredibly rude, but it’s also increasingly common. You absolutely deserve a clear yes or no after you’ve taken the time to interview (to say nothing of taking time off work, spending hours preparing, and maybe even traveling), but the frustrating reality is that some employers just don’t get back to candidates.

No matter which of these explanations might be at play, the best thing for you to do? Put a note on your calendar to check in with them in two weeks and then put the job out of your mind. Find other jobs to apply for, or otherwise move on. There’s no reason to agonize when you have no control over their timeline, and your stress certainly won’t make things move any faster. Mentally move on (even pretending you’ve already been rejected if it helps you stop obsessing), and let it be a pleasant surprise if they contact you.

I originally wrote this article for publication on AOL.com.

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former employer wants me to fill out paperwork 6 months after I left, boss stole friend’s wallet, and more

by Alison Green on May 7, 2014

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My former employer is asking me to fill out paperwork 6+ months after I left

My former employer keeps asking me to fill out additional paperwork after I’ve stopped working there over six months ago. This started about 2 months ago, and at first I didn’t have a problem and filled out a page or so of documentation they required. Their requests have become progressively more time consuming and I would like to tell them that I don’t want to complete it.

These documents relate to topics most managers cover during orientation (i.e. where fire extinguishers are, safety training, immunization records, general policies, etc.). The only explanation I ever received was when they first asked me and they phrased it along the lines of “we’re trying to get all of our paperwork in order for an inspection by the joint commission.” After that, all other emails were phrased along the lines of “Oh, by the way, fill this out ASAP.” The paperwork includes going online to watch videos on hospital specific training and then take a quiz covering the material, and emailing affidavits that I completed the work. (I work in the healthcare industry, and I presume the reason they are asking me is that they are in the process of being re-accredited by a national accreditation board for hospitals and they want to make sure all of their paperwork is in order.

On the one hand, I don’t want to burn bridges with anyone even though I’ve moved on to another position in which I’m so much happier. But I also feel that all of this documentation should have been given to me to fill out when I first started working for them (some of which I have already filled out before) and I do feel justified in saying no. Am I wrong in feeling this way? Is there a way to communicate this to them while still sounding professional?

This is ridiculous. It’s not your fault that they didn’t get this done while you were there, you shouldn’t be asked to make it look like you filled it out earlier when you didn’t, and you certainly shouldn’t be spending your time watching videos and taking quizzes for them (!). The next time they send you one of these requests, say, “I don’t feel right filling this out when I’m no longer working there. Thanks for understanding.”

2. Firing a volunteer on a college publication

I’m in a leadership position for a big, respected college publication. Though none of us are paid, getting on staff at any level can be competitive. I brought on a new member to my team this semester who’s brought nothing but headaches. When I interviewed him over Skype, it was beyond awkward, but I chalked it up to technical issues and was already impressed by his portfolio. My team is small and friendly, but in meetings with them he’s always incredibly uncomfortable and formal. Even one-on-one, he seems nervous and makes communication hard.

It would be easier to excuse if he put in good work, but he’s been unexcited about any of the work I’ve offered to him to do and has trouble meeting deadlines. His work is always several days past when I needed it and not at all what I’ve asked for— he’s so slow with revisions that I’ve had to give someone else his work to finish or just redo it myself from scratch. It’s dragging the team down.

I’ve informally talked to him about the problems and have tried to give him more details on projects, check in with him ahead of time, etc, but nothing has changed. People have suggested I sit down with him and talk frankly about his performance to give him an easy out, but I’m worried that my past attempts at gently correcting have resulted in him thinking that there’s no problem, and I dread the awkwardness of this conversation. It’s finals period and we’re done with production for the semester, but we do recruiting over the summer so I need to figure out relatively soon if he’ll be coming back to the team next semester. What do I do? Can this be solved over email during the summer or do I really need to have this conversation in person? Should I just grit my teeth and bear it?

The problem is that you’re being gentle when you need to be direct: “I need you to turn in your work by the deadline and in good enough shape that major revisions aren’t needed. We can try another assignment if you’d like to, but after that, I’ll need to start assigning articles to other writers.”

But since the semester is over and you’re staffing for next semester, it’s probably too late for that. In that case, you can simply say, “Because your work was often late this past semester, I’m going to give some other writers a chance to do the work.” Ideally you’d do this face to face or over the phone — email really isn’t the right medium for tough feedback like this. Consider it your penance for not being direct with him earlier!

3. Boss relocated my friend’s wallet

I’m looking to help a friend at work who was in tears today over a minor but sensitive issue. She had her wallet in her mail slot and our boss took it. She took it because it had her phone in it. But she didn’t know where it was, she was scared, and she was embarrassed. Our boss had put it in her office to teach her a lesson. It’s that legal to take something so personal?

Yes, that’s legal. She didn’t steal it; she moved it to a different part of your office.

Sometimes I wonder with these questions: What if it weren’t legal? Is your friend really going to go through the time, expense, and professional damage of bringing legal action against her boss for relocating her wallet when no actual damage was done? I suspect it’s more about a sense that Things Should Be Fair, but if you think that all the way through, how would the logistics of enforcing that work? Even if the law allowed you to head to court every time your boss did something you didn’t like (which it doesn’t), is that something you really think would be beneficial to your life? Ultimately this is probably more about wanting some fairy godmother of workplace justice to swoop in to teach the perpetrator a lesson, but … no such fairy godmother exists.

(None of this is intended to pick on you, letter-writer; I’m just musing out loud here.)

4. How can I cut down or end a tutoring arrangement?

I’m a student with way too much on my plate. A year ago, I took a part time job as a tutor. I enjoy it, but the teaching plus prepwork that I do is taking too long. I want to tell my student’s mother that I need to cut down from twice a week to once a week…or once I start class again next week I might want to quit altogether. My only previous employer is my dad, so I don’t know how to have either of those conversations. Both the student and his mother are lovely; I don’t want to be abrupt or rude. What should I say?

First, decide which it is — cut down or stop altogether? Then, just be direct. For instance: “I really love working with Bob. Unfortunately, my schedule has changed and I’ll need to cut our sessions down to once a week. I think that will be enough for Bob because ____. Will that work for you?” Or: “I’ve really loved working with Bob. Unfortunately, I need to cut back on my schedule and won’t be able to continue tutoring after (X weeks from now). I’d be glad to recommend another tutor who might be able to take over the work, if you’d like me to.”

5. Mentioning jobs that aren’t on my resume

Is it ok to mention jobs that aren’t on your resume during the interview? I’ve been primarily in the same positions for a while, but during school I had some summer jobs that just didn’t make the cut for the resume. However, they still taught me some great life skills.

While preparing for interviews, I occasionally think of things I did for these jobs. Would it be weird to say “oh well one summer I did this really great thing at this one job” if they look at my resume and don’t see it listed?

Sure, that’s fine. Just add a quick “It’s not on my resume” so they’re not scanning for it.

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update about the employee who added the F-word to a client form

by Alison Green on May 6, 2014

Remember the letter-writer last week who discovered that one of her employees had added profanity to a client form? (first update in the comments here) Here’s a new update.

After finding out about this, I immediately printed all new forms and confiscated the old ones, and went through the saved documents word by word. Lo and behold, there were several more documents with similar profane additions, so while this one bad word referenced in my first question to Alison wasn’t saved, the others led me pretty clearly to the culprit, based on time punches and staff schedules. I didn’t find hard copies of any of the others that were actually saved in the office.

The employee was let go immediately, after being confronted and confessing that she did it as a joke and she didn’t think it would actually be given out (flimsy, it was printed and mixed in with others that were not edited that she knew were being handed out). I think there is another employee who knew about it and didn’t say anything who I’m watching more closely. Afterwards, I talked with all of the employees, following Alison’s advice, and impressed upon them how horrified I was to find this. We had a good talk about professionalism, trust, and reputation, and of course everyone knows/agreed this was not okay.

And lastly, I got the increase in my IT budget that I’d been requesting for a while.

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how to work amid chaos and constant change

by Alison Green on May 6, 2014

A reader writes:

I work for a company that has had one steady constant — change. How do you ensure you continue to get work done and are as efficient as possible when your team mates, responsibilities, and structure are constantly in flux?

You can read my answer to this question at Intuit Quickbase’s Fast Track blog today. Plus, three other careers experts are answering this question there too. Head on over there for answers…

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my new coworker wants to forbid music in the office

by Alison Green on May 6, 2014

A reader writes:

I work for a small business and we recently hired a new worker at my office. One of my usual coworkers just began maternity leave and won’t be back for 6-8 weeks, so we hired this new person as a temporary worker to pick up the slack in the meantime. If business were to pick up in the next couple of months, we might ask her to stay on indefinitely.

Three of us (me, a regular coworker, and this new coworker) work in a big panopticon-style room, and sound travels really well. I usually listen to music as quietly as possible at my desk, and my other colleague does the same. However, this new worker claims to have extremely sensitive hearing and has asked us not to listen to music anymore in the office, even at exceptionally low volumes. Not being able to listen to music really makes the day drag for me.

They say a good compromise leaves everyone unhappy, and I already listen to music so quietly I have to strain to hear it. She, on the other hand, isn’t compromising at all. Our boss doesn’t like us using headphones, and they’d be uncomfortable to wear all day anyway. Am I out of luck here? I want to be considerate, and there’s a chance this will be a long-term coworker of mine so I’d like to keep things amicable. But I’ve been listening to music at this job for 7 years without a single complaint until now, and I’d rather not give up this daily pleasure if I don’t have to.

Generally, I think that your right to make noise is trumped by someone else’s ability to concentrate. But this situation is a little different, because your new coworker is coming into an existing culture that everyone else is happy with and trying to change it – and she’s also proved not to be open to compromise on the issue. I’d be annoyed too. (And it takes a special sort of gumption to come in as a temp and ask the existing staff to alter their habits.)

You could try nicely pointing this out, by saying something like, “I’m sorry, you’ve come into an office that likes music and it’s a part of our work habits here. But I’ll try to keep it down!” And then, really do try to keep it down. Which doesn’t mean off, but does mean low.

You might also make a point of being warm and welcoming to this new coworker in other ways, both in order to minimize the changes of this coming across as flat-out dismissive and because people often end up less annoyed by the habits of people they genuinely like.

Read an update to this letter here.

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