my boss is smothering me

A reader writes:

I work for an insurance agent who is based in another insurance agent’s office. He basically rents out a couple rooms in the office for himself and his employees, who are just me and another girl. Recently, that other girl left (she was my best friend in the office), and so it’s just been me and the agent I work for, and I feel like he’s smothering me.

He has his own separate office, but his computer recently stopped working properly, so he’s been sitting at my old coworker’s desk (right next to mine) instead of getting a new computer. At first I was mildly annoyed having my boss sitting a few feet away from me all day long, but I figured it’s his computer and he pays my salary, so it’s none of my business. But now he’s using this as an opportunity to constantly be monitoring me, going so far as to go through my files when I’m away from my desk, even taking supplies and leaving behind his garbage! The rare moments he’s in his own office, he’s glancing up at me every few minutes through the window that looks out to my desk, as if he doesn’t trust what I’m doing or something.

If that wasn’t bad enough, he’s stolen my one moment of solace during the day – my private lunch break in the back room of the office. My boss used to always go out for lunch or eat in his office, but he’s suddenly decided to come sit next to me during my lunch break instead. Today he just sat there – 2 feet away from me – reading the newspaper. Couldn’t he have just done that in his office? Why must he be breathing down my neck all the time? I don’t want to end up eating out for lunch every day because that’s expensive.

I feel like I’m in a sticky situation – it’s not like I can tell him to “go away” or “stop going through my stuff” or “buy a new computer and go back to your office,” etc. But I’m really starting to feel smothered (especially since I don’t have a companion anymore) and I’m worried the irritability it’s causing might affect my relationship with my boss. What can I do? How do I hint that he needs to give me space and be more respectful of boundaries, even if he is the boss? How do I at the very least reclaim my private lunch break?

It doesn’t sound like he’s monitoring you because he doesn’t trust you; it sounds like since he’s now sitting in the same space as you, he’s just looking around at his surroundings (which in some cases are your files), leaving his stuff around in the same way he probably did in his own office (only now it’s in yours), and using your supplies because they’re right there. In other words, this stuff is all just a side effect of proximity.

What’s your relationship with him like? With most managers, it wouldn’t be out of line to just ask what’s going on with getting his computer fixed and then, depending on where that conversation takes you, to say something like, “I’ll admit it’s stressful sharing an office with my boss” or “If you’re going to work in here for a while, would you mind if I worked from your old desk? It’s easier for me to concentrate when I’m alone, and since we have the space…” Or even, if you have the right dynamic and can say it with a smile, “You’re not the most low-footprint office-mate.”

But from there, it’s up to him. Hopefully he’s good-natured about getting the hint and moves along, but if he doesn’t, you’re right that he’s the boss and ultimately he can sit where he wants.

You don’t need to compromise on lunch, though. He’s certainly entitled to use the lunch room if he wants to, and you can’t really tell him not to use it while you’re in there. But you do have options: You could take your lunch somewhere else (is there somewhere outside you could sit?). Or, what about eating in your office? If you’re worried about him joining you there, you could even say, “I like to unwind at lunch and get away from everything — do you mind if I start eating in my office with the door closed during my break?”

If none of that works, you will have to learn how to fix computers and repair his.

what’s your worst career sin?

The first time I had to fire someone, I messed it up badly. I had inherited an employee who was painfully slow, made regular mistakes, and didn’t respond to feedback. And like many newer managers, I danced around the issues with him.  I made “suggestions” and expressed concerns, but I never once said directly that the problems were so serious that he would be fired if his work didn’t improve. I was vague, because it felt mean to say “hey, I might need to fire you if this doesn’t improve.” (That’s ridiculous, of course. It’s far meaner not to warn someone.) I hoped he’d just figure it out. And then, when I had inevitably had to fire him, he was shocked. And yeah, you could argue that he shouldn’t have been, but the fact remains that I didn’t tell him explicitly that it was coming, and I should have. That will forever live on in my mind as one of my cardinal career sins.

I want to know about your career sins. Did you flip out on someone at work? Were you embarrassingly arrogant when you started a new job? Did you hide a serious mistake from your boss? Did you steal toilet paper from the office for your house when you were low on cash? Oooh, is there a sin you’re still committing today?

Confess your sins here (and be sure to tell us what happened afterwards, which is often the most interesting part).

my manager cites God’s will in response to complaints, a senior coworker’s work sucks, and more

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. When a senior coworker produces bad work

I’m an associate attorney working at a law firm (private practice). The nature of the firm’s practice requires a good amount of collaboration among attorneys, and as such it’s very common for multiple attorneys to perform tasks on one case even though only one person is designated as handling the file. There is one other attorney in the office (I’ll call him X) who is an associate senior to me, but not a partner. I have collaborated with X on various cases, and in seeing his work I realize it’s just…bad (things are missing, he didn’t get into the required level of detail, etc.). I have been asked to “fix” things for other attorneys on multiple occasions where X had performed shoddy work on a task in an earlier stage of the case. Others in the office have told me in confidence that X is not well liked at the firm, that at least some people know how bad his work is, and that he was nearly fired once before.

Is there anything that I can do to make the higher-ups aware of X’s consistently poor work without damaging my own good reputation within the company? (This is confirmed – I get consistently positive feedback on my work product and received a bonus and a raise as a result of my last performance evaluation.) I feel it is a detriment to our clients to have me or other attorneys bill extra hours to fix the work that X didn’t adequately produce in the first place. I don’t collaborate with X on every single case, but seemingly every time I do end up working with him, his work product is sub-par. Any suggestions on how to address this, or should I just let it go as outside of my control?

Well, it sounds like they know — if he was nearly fired, someone with authority over him is aware of the problems. And it sounds like you know that other people are seeing the same things you’re seeing. So I’d assume you don’t need to bring this to anyone’s attention — they know.

If that weren’t the case, it could be appropriate to deliver a discreet heads-up to your manager or the firm’s managing partner if you had a good rapport with her — but it sounds like that isn’t going to be new information to them.

2. My coworker’s three kids are running wild in our office and my managers won’t do anything about it

I work at a large company (more than 500 employees in my office, thousands around the world) that values working moms and dads and offers generous benefits for families (like health benefits, flexible schedules, and time off). My department shares our floor with a department led by a very nice guy who I will call Clive. Clive is friendly, smart, and as highly valued and popular as an employee can be within the company. He’s also a working dad, and on days when his kids are off from school, he brings them to the office—all four of them, and all under the age of 12—and works a full day. He does not supervise them while they’re here, and they run wild (they are kids, after all), turning our floor into their playroom.

Needless to say, everything about this situation drives everybody in my department nuts: the disappearance of silence (a quiet work environment is necessary for my department); Clive’s lack of supervision of his children; and his seeming cluelessness about how bringing them to the office for a full workday could be disrespectful of his colleagues’ work.

I’ve discussed this with my own supervisor (and her supervisor as well), but I get the impression that nobody knows what to do. My supervisors are failingly polite, and I think they feel it’s an issue for HR to handle. But is it? And if it is, am I in a position to go to HR about it, or should it be my supervisors?

Your managers are falling down on the job here; this is absolutely something they should be handling. They should be telling Clive directly that either (a) he can’t bring his kids into work (possibly making an exception for very rare emergencies; some places allow that and some don’t), or (b) he needs to closely supervise his kids when they’re there and ensure that they don’t disrupt others, or the privilege will be revoked. (Whether they should do A or B will depend on the type of work your office does and what the culture is.) It’s ridiculous that they’re acting as if they’re powerless here.

However, since they are, yes, it would absolutely be appropriate for you to talk to HR about it.

3. My manager cites God’s will in response to any issues

I have a supervisor who won’t stop talking about God at work. Any time anyone has an issue, she says they shouldn’t do anything about it, as it is God’s will. It makes me very uncomfortable and I do not want to be involved in a religious discussion on the job. Should I go to HR?

Good god, yes. The fact that she’s your manager makes this particularly inappropriate (and that she’s using it to avoid doing her job!), and HR should intervene.

4. Interviewing with a doctor who operated on my son

I have a second interview at a surgery center, this time with a physician who operated on my son 10 years ago. Is it appropriate to say something to the doctor after the interview that we loved her and that she did a great job on my son and that he has had no problems since the surgery? I know it won’t add value to the actual interview but think that adding a personal connection may add to the process. What is your opinion?

I’m sure there are some people who feel differently about this, but I would absolutely mention it. You want to be sure not to let the interview go too off-track into the personal, so stick with just a quick mention of the connection that you feel to her practice because of your experience. Many interviewers would be glad to hear something like that.

5. Can my resume mention a job where I was paid under the table?

I’m handing in my 2 weeks notice tomorrow for my job as a waitress for the past 7 months, where I’ve been working under the table. Stupid, I know, and I do regret it. I live in an area that has a lot of immigrants and international students so it’s very common to work under the table here. I’m currently a second year in college and have asked my friends who have previously worked under the table if they included that experience on their resumes, and they all said that they did with no problem.

I’m planning on applying for an internship, and aside from this job, my last job was over a year ago and only lasted 3 months (tutoring for a quarter), so I’m nervous about the time gap if I were to leave it off. The only other job I worked before that was retail, but it was a long time ago. My boss really likes me and told me he’d be more than happy to be a reference if I choose to list him as one. What would you recommend doing in this situation – citing this job as under work experience or just ignoring it altogether?

It’s fine to include it on your resume. It still counts as work, despite the fact that you were paid under the table. Your payment arrangements aren’t really relevant when it comes to your work history or references. The place where this could potentially become an issue is with a future background check, if there’s no record of tax forms for those earnings — but an internship and other types of jobs you’re likely to apply to while in college are very unlikely to conduct the sort of background check that would turn that up. They’re likely to stick to reference calls, where it won’t matter.

why do I have to submit an application when I’m already providing my resume?

A reader writes:

Many jobs require an online application in addition to a resume. I’m struggling to understand the difference, if there is any, in the type of information being solicited, especially in the Experience section. For example, online applications often ask for the duties associated with each former position. Do they actually want a list of the duties performed–essentially, the job description–or, as with a resume, is this a place to include accomplishments?

Should I just copy and paste from my resume, or are hiring managers looking for different information in the application portion? I don’t want to be redundant and miss the opportunity to provide additional information regarding my qualifications. On the other hand, I don’t want to waste time developing unique content that won’t be reviewed as such. What do you suggest?

It’s fine to copy and paste from your resume, and to have the bullet points you use on the application be the same as the ones from your resume.

The reason some employers ask for a separate application is to ensure that they receive all of the information they want (whereas on your resume, it’s up to you what you include), because they often want it in certain formats, and because they often include requirements that you sign off about the accuracy of the information.

But yeah, it’s often a waste of candidates’ time, particularly for professional positions where a resume should suffice. And I’d note that many, many employers hire without using formal application forms, and they survive just fine.

Relatedly: Years back, I was hired for a job without submitting a formal application, because the CEO already knew me and my work. On my second day there, the HR manager brought me a multi-page job application and told me I had to fill it out, complete with references who would never be called, “because we need this in everyone’s file.” It was a ridiculous display of commitment to bureaucracy without thought given to the purpose (which was later backed up by what I got to know about her work style) … which I mention in order  to point out that while there’s a time and a place for asking for official application forms to be filled out, employers that use them sometimes need to do a better job of thinking through how they interact with the rest of the hiring process.

an employee added the F-word to a client form

A reader writes:

I manage an office of about 20 employees. We routinely give paperwork to clients, and somehow one of the forms was modified to include something very unprofessional. A form of the f-word was added to the first line, to read “you are scheduled for this fuken procedure.”

There is no way for me to know who made the change since at least five staff members have access to the workstation on a daily basis. The change wasn’t saved as far as I can tell, just printed, and copies were given out to an unknown number of clients. Besides implementing safeguards to ensure this doesn’t happen again, I have no idea how to address this with the staff. They obviously know not to give out documents with profanity. To be honest, I’m shocked that one of the employees would have done this–it’s so disrespectful and unscrupulous. Any advice?

Wow. This goes beyond joking around — it could actively offend clients and hurt your business (assuming people figure out that misspelling, which threw me for a minute).

I’d start by doing some serious reflection on your staff. Before this, what would you have said about each person’s work ethic, conscientiousness, professionalism, and respect for how you operate? Even if previously you thought that they were all shining examples of those characteristics, you know now that at least one person isn’t — and you have a heads-up that there’s either a serious culture misfit on your staff or the culture itself needs work.

From there, I’d talk to people as a group or one-on-one. Explain that you’re sickened (and I don’t think that’s too strong a word) to know that someone acted with such open disregard for your clients and your business, and that you take it extremely seriously. Walk them through how a client would perceive this, and what the impact could be on your organization. (Since the context was about scheduling people for a procedure, I’m thinking this might be a medical office, and if that’s the case, it’s even more outrageous, since cavalierly sticking profanity on a form that someone receiving a medical procedure will fill out is horribly unkind — not to mention something that will undermine the confidence they need to have in your office.) I’d tell people that it’s clear to you that at least one person on your staff has a fundamental misunderstanding of the expectations you have of them, and that you’re going to be working over the coming weeks to ensure that that those expectations are clearer.

And then, over the next few weeks, I’d pay a lot more attention to the people working for you. Are you seeing anything else that’s out of sync with the culture you want? If so, address it swiftly. At the same time, if you see specific behaviors that are notably in sync with the culture you want (for instance, someone being unusually kind or helpful to a client), be explicit about recognizing and reinforcing that.

But at least one person shouldn’t be there, and I bet that if you pay pretty close attention to people’s work habits in the next few weeks, you’ll figure out who that person (or people) is (or are).

Read multiple updates to this letter here.

my coworker won’t stop talking to me

Ever had a coworker who just won’t stop talking to you while you’re trying to work? She pops by to ask you a work-related question but is still there 20 minutes later, talking about her weekend. Or you’re on deadline and she keeps interrupting you to gripe about the IT guy. Whatever the specifics, a coworker who won’t stop talking to you when you need to work is annoying and can harm your productivity.

But you don’t need to sit by and watch as your work time gets sucked away. You can put a stop to it, if you’re willing to be direct. Let’s talk about the three avenues that can help solve the problem, in the order that it usually makes sense to try them.

1. Say something in the moment. Rather than let your coworker ramble on while you look longingly toward your computer, be direct! Say something like, “I’m actually just in the middle of finishing something, so I should get back to it.” Or try a white lie, like “I’ve got to get ready for a phone call that’s about to come in” or “I’m on deadline.”

2. Address the pattern. If addressing individual instances as they occur doesn’t get the message across, then your next step is to address the larger pattern. You can do this politely, but it does require being direct. For instance, here are a few different ways you could say it, depending on the specifics of your situation and what you’re comfortable with:

  • “Jane, I’ve noticed you like to drop by and chat! I enjoy talking with you, but it’s hard for me to do much of that during the work day. I usually need to get back to work pretty quickly.” If you do genuinely enjoy your coworker’s company, you could add something like, “I’d love to get coffee with you sometime, but I’ve got to do a better job of not letting us get into longer conversations when I should be working.”
  • “I’m finding the amount that we talk during the day is preventing me from getting my work done, so I need to really cut down on how much chit chat we have during the day.”
  • “I know we’re both in the habit of chatting a lot, so going forward, I’m going to be really vigilant about not doing that. I’m mentioning it now, because when I tell you that I can’t talk, I don’t want you think I’m being rude.”
  • When the problem is less about lengthy social conversations and more about multiple small interruptions: “It’s hard for me to get my focus pulled away. What if we instead scheduled one or two meetings a week to talk about whatever items we need to discuss? That way you’d get the responses you need from me, but it would help keep me from breaking my concentration.”

However you word it, this is about the larger pattern, not something you say in the moment about one particular instance. (In fact, this is the same step that managers should take when an employee continues to make the same type of error: Stop addressing it instance-by-instance and step back and have a bigger-picture conversation.)

Then, after that big-picture conversation, when she starts chatting with you, be direct and be firm. You’ll need to be direct each time: “Working over here!” or “I’m on deadline, so let’s talk later!”

3. Decide if it’s worth taking to your (or your coworker’s) manager. If the two steps above don’t work, at that point you’ll need to decide if it’s impeding your productivity to the point that it’s worth asking your coworker’s manager to get involved. You might decide that you’re not comfortable doing that, or that your manager doesn’t handle things like this skillfully, but many managers would appreciate a heads-up that this is happening and would step in to resolve it.

Overall, the message here is that you shouldn’t stew in frustration. If you want a coworker’s behavior to change, you have to be willing to speak up and address it directly.

my manager is venting about work on Facebook, asking for outside feedback on my work, and more

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My manager is venting about work and staff members on Facebook

I’ve recently been struggling with the relationship I have with my boss. She originally started out as a coworker and we had a great working relationship. She friend-requested me on Facebook and I accepted. Months later, she and another coworker were promoted, and I began to notice that they would vent about work together on Facebook. I didn’t want to un-friend her, because I felt like an awkward conversation would follow. Now, she has been promoted again and is communicating via Facebook with the other managers and team leads, making incredibly negative comments about staff members and work situations in a format that is visible to all. Several of my team mates have noticed as well and feel uncomfortable knowing that our supervisors are acting this way. Any advice as to handling that situation?

She’s an idiot, and it’s not your problem to solve. I’d block her posts so you don’t have them in your face, and wait patiently for this to blow up on her at some point.

But if you want it to stop now, and you still have a pretty good relationship with her, you could say to her, “I don’t know if you realized that Jane, Apollo, and I can see your conversations on Facebook about ___, so I wanted to alert you!” Hopefully that will make the point on its own, but if instead her response is some version of “so?” then I suppose you could say, “It feels a little awkward since you’re our manager,” but really, at that point she’s made it clear that she’s an idiot and I’m not sure there’s much point in pursuing it. (I’d also assume that if you do, you’ll be talked about on Facebook next.)

Besides, in this day and age, it shouldn’t be news to her that people can see this stuff. So I’d lean toward just blocking the posts, ignoring it as much as you can, and waiting for the inevitable crap hitting the fan for her.

2. Can I ask for outside feedback on my work?

I work at a small nonprofit where my boss is also the head of the organization. He’s been working in our field for only about 5 years. This is my first job out of grad school. In previous settings, I have received mostly positive comments on my written work. Here, I’ve been receiving a lot of feedback on my written work that basically it is extremely sub-par. He tends to send that work back to me under the assumption that I’m not trying, couching it in terms of saying “please review this again to make sure it is your best work,” without further suggestions. I will then make what edits I can find to make, and send it back. Changes that he then makes are often then done in an exasperated tone, and he often fully rewrites my work, and then sends me an email saying that he shouldn’t have to do this much editing on my work and that he “knows I’m a better writer than this.” He’s never given me feedback about a consistent mistake I’m making, and I’ve been unable to find a pattern; I’ve asked, and he simply says, “You know that could have been better written, I need you to try harder.”

I’ll admit I’m very frustrated; It feels like he’s looking for a clone who can produce something that’s exactly like what he writes and I feel like I have to read his mind.  I’m at a total loss how to produce work he’ll be happy with on the first try. My colleagues here who have reviewed my work say that “our boss is nuts, this writing is good, don’t let him get to you,” but obviously it’s not their call. But it does lead me to further distrust my manager’s negative opinion of my work.

Since I also manage my own accounts and regularly do writing that he does not review, I am concerned that if he is right, there’s a systemic problem with my writing that my manager is unwilling or unable to articulate, and that it might be hurting my clients as well as my performance. Would it be appropriate to, without my manager’s knowledge, seek an outside mentor, like a former professor, to review a couple redacted pieces of my written work and help me determine if it’s really as subpar as my manager believes and get some more constructive edits?

Sure, there’s nothing wrong with seeking outside feedback on your work. Make sure you choose the right person though — a fairly picky writer/editor. Someone who doesn’t fall in that category isn’t as likely to be able to give you useful feedback. (I actually fit that profile and would be willing to take a look myself, if you want to send some stuff over here.)

Of course, then the question is what you do from there. If you hear “yeah, there’s some stuff here to work on,” that’ll be really helpful to know. But if you hear “it looks fine to me,” then what? In that case — actually, in both cases — it would probably help to look at samples of writing that your boss does like, and really study them to try to spot the differences between what you’re doing and what he’s doing. The fact that there’s not an easy pattern to spot might be because the issues are about things like nuance and the rhythm of the words (things that are also hard for many people to give clear feedback on) … or, of course, your boss might just be ridiculous. But that’s where I’d start.

3. Asking an interviewer about a recent scandal

I applied to a job at a college in another state, and through my research found the school is on probation. Last year there was apparently a sex scandal involving high level administrators, ethics, and legal violations. The college has been given time to fix the problems and it appears they have fired most of the staff associated with the problems. Should I bring this up in my interview and ask about it? Now that I know, it feels like the elephant in the room. I should note that I’m fairly certain the job I applied to and am interviewing for is vacant because the previous person was fired as a result of this scandal. Thoughts on tactfully asking about it?

Sure, if there’s information you genuinely want to know (it sounds like you know the basics). You could say, “I’ve read a bit about the events that led to the school being put on probation with (governing body). Can you tell me anything about how that’s being handled?”

4. Bolding words in a cover letter

I know this is kind of a grey area, and really involves hiring managers’ individual preferences, but I’d love your input on this. Lately I’ve seen cover letters with skills being described in boldface within the sentence.  For example, “As a leader in a non-profit organization, I frequently work to tight deadlines and regularly reassess changing priorities, strengthening my problem-solving skills.”

What do you think? A handy way of making the important bits stand out?  Or a crutch relied on by bad writers unable to create impact with words?

Eh. I’m not going to hold it against a candidate, but I usually think that if you find yourself doing that to make your letter compelling, the problem is the content of your letter — not something that can be fixed by using boldface. If your letter is great, it doesn’t need bolding in it.

And yeah, I know the idea is that hiring managers are skimming and you want to catch their eye — but you can catch their eye with content.

5. I can’t get in touch with a past manager for a reference

I’m a recent grad, and I’m waiting to hear back from my past supervisor for a great summer job I had in 2013. It really is too early for me to say if she’s ignoring my email or not, but I am still paranoid about how well I did in that position and I was wondering what I should do if I don’t hear back from her. I sent her an email asking if it would be okay to use her. Would it be out of line for me to call her a week or so after I haven’t heard from her through email? Truthfully, all I want is a yes or a no.

Also, there are so many job openings at the organization I worked at last summer. If she ultimately doesn’t reply or says no, should I give up on that organization completely? They are such a big, big organization for the field that I am in my city that I don’t really know what I would do if I can’t apply for jobs there. Should I try to contact another employee from the branch I worked at to be a character reference? I’m being a bit paranoid about the situation, but I’d like to know what I should do if my worst fears are true.

It’s fine to call her if you haven’t heard back after a week. That said, the fact that you don’t know how well you did in the position and whether she’d give you a glowing reference is worrisome — you’d ideally know those things before offering her up as a reference. So you might also ask her if she feels like she could speak highly of your work or not, so you’re not planting land mines for yourself without realizing it.

If you can’t get in touch with her or she says no, you can try reaching out to others there who know your work (not as a character reference; as a work reference). However, be aware that many hiring managers will want to talk to the person who was actually your manager there — or will at least want to know why they shouldn’t. So you really want to get a better sense of how your performance was seen overall.

my new coworker is pushing huge amounts of junk food on me

A reader writes:

I feel really conflicted about asking this. It’s really a question of workplace etiquette, I suppose.

Our company recently hired a very sweet gal who is acutely obese. At the same time, a few coworkers and I have been working really hard to support each other in adopting healthier eating habits. I am openly and admittedly weak around tempting treats, so I don’t keep these things on hand at home or at work. This new gal has been bringing a lot (a LOT) of sweets, doughnuts, candies, cookies and such into the office. Right now in the break room, there is literally a buffet of junk food, including doughnuts with Peeps in the middle, a barrel of cheese puffs from Sam’s Club, and a mixing bowl of Easter candy. A few times throughout the day, she will walk around with a box or plate of junk food and offer it fairly insistently. I politely decline, but I don’t know how many times in a row I should have to say, “No, thank you.”

Fully recognizing that my ability to control what I eat is not her problem, is it at all reasonable to at least wish she wouldn’t bring so much junk food into the workplace? I know a lot of this is wishing someone else would stop doing something that bothers me, but that they have the right to.

I feel like it’s a distraction. A lot of attention is being spent on the food she brings in and the walking around offering it up to people. I know it’s coming from a kind place in her heart.

Most folks are trying to eat healthier these days. I guess at the end of the day I wish she’d keep her unhealthy eating habits to herself instead of trying to make it an office activity. That sounds horrible and mean, and I feel badly about it.

Any suggestions?

It’s not unreasonable to wish that she’d bring less junk food into the workplace, and it’s absolutely reasonable to ask her to stop offering it to you.

But it’s not reasonable to push the issue beyond that. (And it’s also not reasonable to connect this to her weight, because many, many people of all weights do what she’s doing. I mean, obviously there’s a connection between her weight and what she eats, as there is for all of us, but I wouldn’t connect the food-pushing with her weight, since this kind of aggressive food-peddling is such a common office phenomenon.)

Anyway, in practice: The next time she offers you food you don’t want, say, “No, thank you. And actually, I’d really appreciate it if you didn’t offer me sweets because I’m trying to eat healthy, and I’d rather not have the temptation.” After that, if she continues to offer you food in the future, keep firmly reminding her. In fact, if it still keeps up after multiple reminders, there’s no reason you can’t stop by her office at some point and say something like, “I really want to enlist you in not tempting me with treats during the day. I think maybe you haven’t taken me seriously, but I really am committed to this, and I’d be grateful for your understanding.” And frankly, I have no problem with you yelling out “keep that away from me!” if you see her coming to offer you something.

It’s absolutely true that she’s not responsible for keeping you out of temptation. If she wants to bring in a buffet of baked goods, that’s her prerogative, and she’s not obligated to stop on your account. But it’s obnoxious to keep pushing food on people after she’s been asked to stop, and you’re entitled to politely ask her to cut that out.

As for the broader issue — that there’s now all this junk food on offer in your break room — it’s probably not your place to ask her to stop bringing it in entirely, especially if others like it. I think you could probably mention once that’s it’s tough to have so much junk food in the break room, but from there it’s really up to her. (And I normally wouldn’t say that you should mention it even once if she was just bringing in occasional treats, but given the amount of food you’re describing and the frequency with which it’s showing up, I don’t think it’s out of line to mention it. But again, only once.)

Meanwhile, could you and your coworkers bring in some healthier alternatives, like fruit? It won’t solve the problem of constant cake everywhere, but it’ll at least provide you with something else to snack on when the cake is calling out to you.

how to find the time you need to get your work done

If you feel like there’s never enough time in the day to get everything on your to-do list done and you’re regularly plagued by the sense that important items are going undone, you probably need to change the way you’re thinking about how you spend your time.

If you feel like there’s never enough time in the day to get everything on your to-do list done and you’re regularly plagued by the sense that important items are going undone, you probably need to change the way you’re thinking about how you spend your time. Here are five tips for reorganizing your days – and maybe your life!

1. At the start of every morning/week/month, get clear on what would make the day/week/month a success. One of the reasons people fail at managing their time is that they don’t get clarity about what the most important things are for them to achieve in any given time block. As a result, they then get sucked into spending time on things that are less important, and realize at the end of the day (or week, or month) that the things that would most powerfully move their work forward still aren’t done. If you’ve ever spent an hour in a meeting that wasn’t crucial for you while your to-do list was filled with high-impact tasks, you’re guilty as charged here.

To avoid this, figure out what one or two items are most important to accomplish on any given day/week/month, and make those your top priorities. Whenever possible, do them first before other things have the chance to intervene. The other items will fill in where there’s room.

2. Schedule time for your own work. If you let it, your calendar will fill up with meetings and other obligations to the point that you won’t have any time left to work on your biggest priorities. Rather than just hoping you’ll find the time, deliberately schedule two- or three-hour work blocks into your calendar, so that you’ve carved out some protected time to do your most important work. Then, treat them just as you would any other important obligation on your calendar; don’t schedule over them, and don’t let people interrupt you during that time. (You might even go into a conference room or another location where interruptions will be minimized during that time.)

3. Don’t be afraid to protect your own time. Work blocks won’t serve their purpose if you let them get interrupted. If someone interrupts with something that isn’t urgent, don’t be shy about saying, “I’m in a work block right now, so can we talk later?” or “I’m on a deadline so I’d love to save that if we can, unless it’s urgent.”

4. If you’re a manager, spend your time in the areas where you’re far better than your staff. Most managers don’t delegate enough and instead hold on to projects that someone else could do because the work feels comfortable or they don’t trust anyone else to do it right. But refusing to delegate means that you won’t free yourself up to take on bigger and more important pieces of work. The principle of comparative advantage is key here: It says that you should be spending your time in the areas where you’re much better than your staff – not just a bit better – because the pay-off will be greater. So while you might be a bit better than your staff at doing client intake, your experience and role means that you’re probably far more effective than they would be at developing new business, and as long as they can do those initial client screens well enough, your time should be spent on the pieces that only you can do.

5. It doesn’t matter what time management system you use – just pick one you can stick with. There are loads of time management systems around – from David Allen’s popular Getting Things Done to tons of apps that promise to revolutionize your organizational systems. The secret to all of them is that it doesn’t matter which you choose; it only matters that you choose something and stick with it. Most systems fall apart because people stop using them, or only use them halfheartedly. So if you’re serious about getting organized, resolve to stick with whatever system you pick religiously for at least four weeks – after that, it should be ingrained as a habit.

I was asked to work more slowly so others don’t look bad, the purpose of a mentor, and more

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. I was asked to work more slowly so other people don’t look bad

I work in an editorial position for a major healthcare organization. I’ve been here about six months, I’ve gotten great feedback from my boss and coworkers, and I’m really enjoying being here. I’ve been particularly praised for my very quick turnaround and accurate work.

My boss’s boss spoke with me this morning, and he had a different take. While he said he’s heard my work is accurate, he’s concerned with how quickly I’m performing it. Essentially, he is concerned that if another member of the editorial team is asked to complete a task, they might not complete it as quickly as I can, and the requester might wonder why another member of the team can’t get it done as fast as I can. He asked that I do my editing work, save it, then look at it 30 minutes later, and THEN send it back.

Um, what? I’m being reprimanded for being TOO good at my job? Am I nuts for thinking he’s nuts?

Well, to be fair, it doesn’t sound you’re being reprimanded. You’re being asked to adjust a work habit to help manage other departments’ expectations. That’s not crazy on its face, but it’s crazy in this particular application, because he’s basically telling you not to let people know how fast you are (and that others aren’t as good as you).

I’d talk to your direct manager, explain what her boss asked you, explain your concerns, and see what she says. But if she’s on board with this, then you pretty much have to proceed that way. On the bright side, you now have a great piece of evidence that you’re faster than everyone else, which can be used in future interviews, if you’re delicate in how you present it.

One more thing: The instructions to save your work, then look at it 30 minutes later, and then send it back raise the possibility that your boss’s boss has concerns about accuracy or thinks that you’ll be able to improve the work on that second look. It’s worth getting clarification about whether he was burying that type of concern in what he said to you.

2. What’s the purpose of a mentor?

For so much of my working life, I’ve always just had my “job,” but with five years with my current company I can finally see a career path and a desire to move up (I have no formal qualifications and assumed near entry-level would be my lot in life).

You discuss mentoring fairly regularly, and I don’t know if it’s a country thing (I’m Aussie) but I’ve had very little exposure to the concept. I was wondering what makes a mentor, and what differentiates a mentor and someone you just regularly complain to? In my role, I’m a project-based employee, and usually that means I rarely work side-by-side with another person in my role. Usually there is just one of us on each project site (physical site), and so with colleagues all conversation usually degenerates into us each blowing off steam and venting about our frustrations on our individual projects. This is often the case with discussions with people a level above us too, as our frustrations are similar. So should I look higher in the ranks for a mentor? Our business is so varied that I would be a bit worried they would lose relevance to my job, but I understand my boss’ boss shouldn’t be a mentor either.

Mentoring definitely isn’t about venting. Mentors can give you advice on workplace and career issues and can provide a sounding board as you try to figure things out. For instance, you might blow off steam with a coworker about your annoying boss (although that’s not a great idea to do regularly, because it can become toxic and make you even more unhappy), but you might talk to a mentor about strategies for working well with that boss and seek her advice on what would and wouldn’t be effective.

Ideally your mentors are people a bit ahead of you in their careers — so that they have more experience and a different vantage point than you have. Your boss’s boss isn’t usually the right pick (since you want to be able to speak freely, even when it doesn’t reflect well on you or your boss), but I’d think about other contacts in your field.

Here are some articles that might shed a little more light.

3. Mentioning a journal article that I haven’t had published yet

I work for Organization X, and with a more senior colleague, am writing an invited publication to be put out in the journal produced by Organization Y. The publication contains confidential data and cannot be sent to Organization Y until our policy office at Organization X gives it their approval.

My dilemma is, Organization Y is hiring a full-time writer for this journal. I would love to work for them but I’m torn about whether or not to mention the upcoming publication in my application materials. It feels awkward to say, “You should hire me because I’m already writing an article for you–but I can’t share it yet!” They have no assurance that this article will be any good (it will be but I can’t expect them to take that on faith). I have other writing samples to share, but as this is a piece specifically for their journal it seems like a missed opportunity not to mention it. I have considered stripping out the confidential data but that’s not an option as the data analysis is the entire focus of the article. Do I mention I am writing this article or keep it to myself for now?

I don’t see any problem with mentioning it, but I don’t see how it helps you in any significant way since they can’t see it yet and presumably haven’t accepted it yet. So it’s fine to mention, but I would do so only in passing — not as an argument that you particularly lean on for your candidacy.

4. Explaining why I’m moving, when I’m following my boyfriend

My boyfriend is going to be starting graduate school out of state, and I will be leaving my current job to move with him. I’m reluctant to provide this as my reason for quitting when the time comes, however, as it just sounds childish to me to refer to “my boyfriend” in a professional context. Though we live together and have been together for 4 years, I don’t feel like attributing a career move to him will be taken seriously since we are not engaged or married. I happen to have a lot of issues with management, my work, and coworkers in this position and am happy to have the opportunity to move on anyway, but I’d prefer to leave my employer thinking, “She was great, too bad she had to move.”

Is there a professional way to convey my reason for leaving that will hopefully prevent inappropriate questions (one of my issues with management) and leave a better impression than talking about my personal life?

“I’ve decided to move to ___ to be closer to family.” If you’re moving with him, it’s not a stretch to put your boyfriend in the “family” category.

5. What’s up with this unprofessional interviewer?

I had a fairly unprofessional interview experience recently. The manager texted me for communication before the interview (we’ve never spoken) and was pretty inconsistent in following through with dates and times we agreed to speak. The experience left me questioning his level of professionalism, so I googled him, only to find more unprofessionalism in his profile on social media sites.

I would really like this job and I am shocked that a growing company recently acquired by a large public corporation would have someone respond to applicants in the way I was approached. I’ve concluded that I will continue with the process as long as they allow it to continue and make my judgments if I get an actual offer. That being said, do you think a company might relax their interview approach to see how you respond? I take my work very seriously and although I love to have a good time, I believe there is a time and a place.

This guy isn’t doing this intentionally to see how you respond; this is how he operates. What you’re learning about him is that he’s unprofessional, disorganized, and has bad judgment — something that exists in large public corporations as well as small places. You might end up deciding you’re willing to take the job anyway (everyone makes their calculations on stuff like this differently), but make sure you go into it with your eyes open about who this guy is.