my client posted thinly-veiled hostile messages about me on Facebook

by Alison Green on March 12, 2014

A reader writes:

I have recently started working as a freelance translator, and I work for a person who I met at the translation training program. Last week, he contacted me to do some work. After I saw it, I took the deal because it was within my capabilities. I submitted my work before the deadline and he kept praising me and saying that my previous works have always been up to the mark. I thought everything was fine until I sent a follow-up email asking him if there were any changes. He replied that there were mistakes and he would let me know more later.

Meanwhile on Facebook, I saw this status update from him: “I don’t mean to direct this on anyone but you can take it if you wish. Don’t accept work beyond your caliber,” blah blah. I felt he indirectly flamed me because the thing between us was still fresh, but I also was not that sure because he did not mention anyone’s name.

The next day, he emailed me the corrected work. I accepted that the work was not what he expected, so I wrote back saying that I was sorry that he had to correct my work. He wrote back twice instructing me at length about what to do, what should have been done, etc. At the very same moment (I literally mean this), he updated a Facebook status in a boastful tone: “Beware, I can be over the top at times.”

All this might sound weird, but I felt that he was acting unprofessionally towards me. I never said that I was professional and my work was extremely good. I always remain humble because I am still new in the business. It was him who overly praised me because in previous work for him, I charged quite low as I was new. And instead of directly telling me about the problem, he chose to set a status update and waited for me to approach and be under his paws. At the end, he cut my payment by some amount, but I did not mind. What I mind is the attitude he has used in dealing with the problem with me.

He mentioned that he might or might not use my services again, but I do not feel threatened because he always pay me late anyway.

Is he acting unprofessionally? What should I do, because I am afraid that with that attitude, working with him in the future will be kind of difficult.

Well, my biggest piece of advice here is not to do business with asses. And this guy is indeed an ass. Normal professional people do not post thinly veiled aggressive messages like this on Facebook, knowing that the person the messages refer to might see it. (Normal professional people also don’t reduce agreed-upon payments after the work has already been done. He’s welcome not to use your services again, but he does need to pay you the agreed-upon rate.)

So, in answer to your question, nope, not professional. This is what 14-year-olds do, and this is a sign that you’re dealing with an extraordinarily immature person. If you decide to work with him in the future, you should do so with full knowledge that he may engage in all kinds of adolescent behavior — thinly veiled posts about you on Facebook, as well as mumbling about you under his breath, screaming at you that he hates you, raiding your liquor, and toilet-papering your house. (At least that’s what I recall from my own adolescence.)

And I don’t know what “under his paws” means, but I think I like the expression.

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how to find a job long-distance

by Alison Green on March 12, 2014

Think the job market is hard now? Try searching for a job in another state. Job seekers who are looking long-distance will tell you that the search is exponentially harder when you’re not a local candidate.

Many employers won’t even bother to talk to nonlocal job applicants. That might seem unfair, but their reasons make sense from their perspective. First and foremost, if they have plenty of well-qualified local candidates, they don’t have any particular need or incentive to take on the hassles of long-distance candidates. And there are hassles – unlike local candidates, long-distance job seekers can’t generally come in for an interview tomorrow, often expect travel expenses to be paid by the company, typically can’t start as soon as local candidates can and sometimes require relocation assistance. What’s more, long-distance candidates sometimes change their mind about moving at the end of the hiring process (or even after they’ve already accepted the job) – or worse, have trouble adjusting to the new area once on the job and leave to move back home just a few months into their employment.

So it’s not surprising that many employers simply choose not to deal with long-distance candidates. But then where does that leave you, if you’re trying to find a job somewhere else?

Finding a job long-distance isn’t impossible, but it will usually be harder. Here are five ways to improve your chances.

1. Gird yourself for a longer search. Unless you have a strongly in-demand skill set, or you’re very lucky, a long-distance search is going to take longer. Prepare yourself for that in advance, so that you don’t become frustrated and demoralized.

2. Explain yourself upfront. Offer some context in your cover letter to explain why you’re seeking a job in this particular area, so that employers have some context for your application. For instance, you might explain that you’re in the process of moving to their area to join your partner, who took a job there, or that you’re from the area and excited to move back where your family is. Offering some type of explanation will help employers see you less as a long-distance candidate and more as a candidate who’s in the process of becoming local. Speaking of which…

3. The more that you can make your move sound like a done deal, the better. Employers are skittish about out-of-town candidates for all the reasons discussed above. So the more that you can make the move sound like something that is already in the works, the more you mitigate that disadvantage. Explaining that your move is already in process or specifying a date or time frame by which you hope to be living in the area can help in that regard.

4. Put the new location on your résumé. Many employers read résumés before they even look at cover letters, so take steps on your résumé to fight the out-of-town candidate stigma there too. For instance, you can put “(relocating to California)” directly below your address, or even use a local address if you have friends or family already living in the location you’re targeting. (If you do the latter, though, be sure that you’re prepared for the possibility that you’ll be called and asked to come in for an interview as soon as tomorrow.)

5. Make it as easy as possible for the employer to interview and hire you. Since one reason employers are wary of dealing with out-of-town candidates is the hassle involved, do everything you can to minimize that hassle. That can mean covering your own travel expenses, paying higher prices for last-minute plane tickets, forgoing relocation assistance and figuring out how you can start as soon as possible if you’re offered the job.

I originally published this at U.S. News & World Report.

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when a coworker missed a deadline, I told her it’s a good thing she’s pretty

by Alison Green on March 12, 2014

A reader writes:

I was written up at work yesterday due to a single comment that I made. Last week, I was frustrated with a woman employee who failed to meet a deadline on a simple task (not the first time she’s done this) and, while blowing off steam, one of the things I said was that it’s a good thing she is pretty.

I did not mean this is in a derogatory way. I was simply frustrated and this woman is not above me in any way; she is entry level. She also did not tell me immediately that I had upset her at all; the next I heard about it was from my manager.

I would like to question why formalities were initiated – I feel this was unwarranted for a single, isolated comment and that an apology would have been sufficient. Can I do this? If so, what is the best way to approach it?

I don’t know what kind of formalities are being initiated, but I’d strongly suggest that you apologize and demonstrate that you get that this was wildly inappropriate to say. The problem is, though, that it doesn’t sound like you do get that yet. So, look: You made a remark that assessed a coworker’s level of attractiveness (which is creepy), insulted her intelligence (which is belittling), and implied that her looks are among her best qualifications (creepy and belittling).

You Just Don’t Talk To People This Way At Work. You can’t. Now, a single remark doesn’t meet the legal standard for sexual harassment — but it sure as hell raises concerns that you might cause bigger issues in the future.

It’s also not really relevant that she’s not above you in the hierarchy. While that would have been its own weird situation (belittling someone with authority over you generally doesn’t go over well), it’s just as problematic without that. In fact, if she’s junior to you, then there are power dynamics in play, and that adds an additional type of creepy into the mix.

The best thing you can do now is show that you truly realize that this wasn’t okay and why … because if you don’t, your employer is going to have reasonable concerns that you might relate inappropriately to other people in your workplace in the future.

Read an update to this letter here.

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can my employer confiscate my personal notes, shared printer etiquette, and more

by Alison Green on March 12, 2014

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. How can we tell employees to stop commenting on confidential information?

My CFO has approached me with a problem I am hoping you can help solve. As in many companies, several of our employees are privy to confidential company information as a direct result of their job duties. For example, accountants might have access to sensitive financial data. Or, someone in the Safety Department might know medical information about another employee. How do we prevent employees from sharing this information (more specifically their personal feelings on the information) in conversation? I don’t mean they are gossiping about confidential information. The problem typically arises when employees are sitting in a meeting with others privy to the same confidential information. They make comments (often times snide comments) about something that doesn’t really concern them. For example, our CFO doesn’t need to hear an employee’s personal opinion about a recent company purchase.

My first suggestion is that the problem should be addressed in a conversation with individual offenders, but my CFO would like me to incorporate something into our confidentially policy. How do I say in a written policy, “Keep your snide comments and personal opinions about confidential information to yourself”?

Yeah, this isn’t really a written policy type of issue. As you said, it should be addressed individually with people — largely because that’s likely to be more effective anyway. People don’t always recognize that they’re violating a broad policy that’s announced to everyone, whereas it’s harder to misunderstand something like, “Please don’t handle X like you did in the Y meeting yesterday.”

I suppose if you wanted to have something in writing, it could be something like, “In the course of your work, you may be exposed to confidential information about employees, finances, and other sensitive areas. We expect you to use this information only as needed in the course of your work and to handle it with discretion and professionalism.” But you can’t really say “don’t share your opinions about it” without sounding really bizarre. That type of guidance is better suited for a coaching conversation, not a policy manual.

2. Shared printer etiquette and cover pages

I work in an office and about 15 of us share a printer. We are all printing a fair amount as we work with medical records. Every time someone prints something, the pages come with a cover page as the first page. People usually just rifle through, and grab what’s theirs.

About 1/4 of us have decided to forego the cover page when printing, as this saves a lot of paper. We don’t have recycling here because of privacy concerns with medical records. Recently, when I have gone to pick up pages from the printer, two coworkers in particular have muttered under their breath about “I don’t know what these pages are since they don’t have a cover page,” or something to that effect. These two people are the only ones that have made comments; everyone else seems fine with it and two people have even asked me to hook up their printer so it doesn’t print cover pages.

Management doesn’t mind how we print since they have their own personal printers. Also, we are all printing different things so it is easy to know what is yours vs. another person’s since we work on different patients’ records and the patients’ names are at the top of all the pages. Should I go back to using a cover page to avoid the comments? Or should I just say “I prefer to print this way”? Or just not say anything?

I’d either ignore it entirely or say, in a helpful/cheerful tone, “Oh, I try not to use the cover pages in order to save paper. Is it causing any confusion?” If it’s genuinely causing confusion, it’s worth being open to hearing that. Otherwise, you should feel free to explain why you’re doing it the way you are and then proceed with your method, just as they’ll proceed with theirs.

3. Leaving my job soon after coworkers attended my wedding

I have been at my current job – an entry level marketing position – for about a year. While I don’t necessarily dislike my job, I don’t feel that it’s the best fit for me. I’ve recently started looking for opportunities elsewhere.

Here’s my question: I am getting married in a couple of months, and invited three of my colleagues to the wedding, including my two immediate supervisors. If I were lucky enough to receive a job offer in the near future, would it be rude and/or offensive to leave the company right after they attend my wedding? I would hate for them to spend a whole day (and presumably give me a gift) only to resign shortly afterwards. How would you suggest navigating this?

Not rude at all. Them attending your wedding and/or giving you a wedding gifts incurs zero obligation on you to make any particular career decisions, including staying at your job longer than you otherwise could. If they’re reasonable people, it’s very unlikely that they’re going to feel put out that you dared to leave soon after they celebrated your wedding with you — and if they do appear to feel that way, that’s something odd about them, not anything warranted by you.

(That said, I will also float the theory that if these are people who you don’t plan to stay in touch with after leaving your job, they might not be ideally suited to be wedding guests, regardless. But that’s a different issue, and gets into personal preferences about weddings, and the horse is out of the barn on that one anyway.)

4. Can my employer confiscate my personal notes when my job ends?

Can an employer confiscate your personal notes, such as a physical notebook, upon termination of employment? While the blank notebook may have been provided by the company, the handwritten notes are all mine. The notes are work-related, but are limited to ideas, solutions, and business contacts. They contain no confidential information such as client data. Would this be employment or copyright law? Lastly, would it be different for electronically stored information, such as emails or documents stored on my work computer?

Yes, if it’s a work notebook, they own it and its contents. They also own everything on your work computer, and they own work products that you stored on your personal computer. U.S. copyright law includes a “work made for hire” provision, which says that the employer is the author and owner of work prepared by an employee within the scope of her employment.

5. After anonymous feedback, CEO demanded loyalty

Is it normal for an organization to send out requests for anonymous feedback of the CEO, only to have the CEO set up department meetings days later to demand loyalty to her and the company?

Normal? No. It happens sometimes, of course, although exclusively at highly dysfunctional companies. But no, a healthy organization doesn’t freak out when its management receives critical feedback.

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my boss is infesting our office with fruit flies

by Alison Green on March 11, 2014

A reader writes:

I work for a corporation with locations in 63 different cities in the U.S., but I am part of a two-person department. My office and my boss’s office are next to each other, with a door between them, but we do each have our own entrance door.

Our offices have become ground zero for a fruit fly infestation! He likes to have apples, grapes, bananas, etc. at his desk for snacks … which means there are usually a few apples or bananas on a shelf in his office. And remnants in his trash can.

I believe these are the source of the fruit flies, especially since they seem to appear nowhere else aside from our offices. It is 8:30 a.m., I have been at work for only an hour, and have so far killed 7 fruit flies. While I do keep snacks in my storage area, I do not keep fresh fruit or juices.

How can I handle this situation with a boss who is already an avid over sharer with a history of becoming defensive whenever I have tried to politely remove myself from his personal stories (such as health issues for himself or his wife, family tales, whining and griping about tasks assigned from above) and general negativity towards learning new skills or tasks?

Step one is always to politely point the problem out to the other person.

In this case, that would sound like this: “Bob, I’ve noticed we’re getting an infestation of fruit flies. I think they’re being attracted by the fruit on your desk and in the trash.”

Then, if your boss isn’t the type to figure out how to resolve problems of his own making, you can add a suggestion of what to do. For instance: “I think it might help to keep the fruit locked in a drawer and to throw away any leftovers down the hall.”

That’s really the only way to handle this. I understand the hope that there’s some easier way than just being straightforward, particularly with someone with a track record of defensiveness. But with any annoying personal behavior that someone indulges in that you want to stop — whether it’s loud gum-chewing, radio blasting, or taking all calls on speaker phone — you’ve got to just say it. Say it nicely, of course — you don’t need to accuse him of being a filthy slob — but you do need to just say it if you want the problem to go away.

Read an update to this letter here.

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should your company switch to unlimited vacation time?

by Alison Green on March 11, 2014

You might have read recently about companies like Netflix and Evernote switching to unlimited vacation time policies. Under these policies, instead of getting a set number of paid days off each year, employees are allowed to take as much time off as they’d like, as long as their work is still getting done and things are covered while they’re away.

The argument in favor of this move is, of course, that giving employees this kind of freedom will help attract and retain great people – after all, who wouldn’t love the idea of unlimited vacation time? The thinking is also that people are more productive when they have ample time away and don’t feel like their company is nickeling-and-diming them on time off. After all, the thinking goes, in today’s world, employees are often “on” when they’re off the clock – they’re answering emails on the weekends, thinking about work on their commute, and coming up with brilliant ideas while they lay on the beach. So the divide between time at work and time away has gotten fuzzier anyway.

In reality, though, there are some real drawbacks to unlimited vacation policies. Not insurmountable ones – but drawbacks that aren’t always obviously at first look.

For one thing, unlimited vacation requires managers to truly manage their teams.If an employee is abusing the benefit, you need to know that their manager will address it effectively. These programs can implode if managers aren’t assertive enough to speak up when an employee isn’t meeting their goals and is taking too much time off.

What’s more, unlimited vacation requires good employees. You’ll be switching to a policy that treats people like adults and trusts that they can manage their own workload and time away and still perform at a high level. Obviously, you want this kind of team anyway, but if you don’t have one yet, you’re going to need to make some changes before the policy works well.

And perhaps surprisingly, unlimited vacation can result in people taking less vacation time. One common unforeseen consequence of this switch can be that people end up feeling that they should take less time off than before. Because people aren’t told “you get X days per year,” they often have no idea what’s really okay to take — and as a result end up taking less time off because they don’t want to be seen as slackers. A particularly machiavellian manager might think that this is a good thing for productivity, but it’s bad for morale – and ultimately for productivity too, because productivity goes up when you have employees who are rested and refreshed, not burned out.

But these drawbacks aside, unlimited time off has some huge advantages too: treating employees like responsible adults, freeing people up to have people real flexibility in their schedules rather than just paying lip service to the concept, and (perhaps on the more mundane side) simplifying the administration and tracking of benefits. Unlimited vacation policies aren’t for every employer, but they can work successfully in the right environment.

I originally published this at Intuit Quickbase’s blog.

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when I resigned, my company offered to fire a coworker and promote me

by Alison Green on March 11, 2014

A reader writes:

I’ve been with my current company for 7 years. I am a highly respected and valued employee in this organization. I do my job tremendously well. I am seen as the backbone of this company in many ways.

Six months ago, our Director of Sales & Marketing left to move on to another company. Unbeknownst to me, the president of our company decided to split the job duties of the now vacant position creating a “Sales Director” and a separate “Marketing Director” (instead of keeping the two tied together).

Since my current position is in middle management in the marketing department, had I known he was splitting the two up, I would have expressed interest in this vacant and new “Marketing Director” position–I would have been the most obvious choice for this. The President did not look internally to fill this spot but instead brought in someone he had known through school (way back when) and the last 6 months she has been in this position has been incredibly frustrating — not just for me, but for everyone in the organization. So much so that I decided to seek out other opportunities.

I was offered a position with another company, recently and sent in my resignation. The company, for lack of a better word, FREAKED out. I was immediately called in and was told that the new director wasn’t working out and was being shown the door in the very near future. The offered to can her, and give me the Director of Marketing position (raise, etc.) and they wanted to do this immediately.

My question is: Should I even consider accepting the promotion and stay in this situation? I’m having a hard time swallowing: #1. Why wasn’t I good enough to be given this position 6 months ago? #2. Maybe I’m being overly sensitive, but getting promoted this way is not honorable in my eyes–do I really need to resign to get a promotion? #3. I don’t want other people getting fired (even if she was on the way out) to promote myself.

I’m just sick about making this decision. It feels unethical to me, but I need to make sure I’m not being overly sensitive about this as well. To me a big promotion should be something to celebrate, but I find myself just feeling sick about it. The company even admitted the made the wrong decision 6 months ago by not offering the position to me.

Why not ask about it? You could say, “To be honest, I was surprised that I wasn’t given the opportunity to at least compete for the job when it was originally created. Can you give me any insight on what the thought process was at the time?”

You can also ask about the situation with the current marketing director, of course. It sounds like they were already preparing to let her go (and that they’re not doing that just because of you). Hell, it’s possible that they were even thinking about you for her replacement, and your resignation just sped up their timeline.

But ultimately, I’d look to how this company has treated you the rest of the time. Yes, perhaps they should have thought of you for the marketing director position originally. But people don’t always get hiring decisions right, or even promotion decisions. How has your experience been there aside from this? Have you received recognition and appreciation for your work? Been given opportunities to grow professionally? Been paid competitively? Been generally treated well? If this is one flubbed situation out of a seven-year history of treating you well — and if you enjoy the work and the culture — it’s not crazy to consider accepting their offer, if you truly want it more than you want the new job you planned to take.

But if you do decide to consider it, you’d want to consider it in the context of my usual advice on counter-offers, which is that you should be pretty cautious about accepting them under the best of circumstances because (1) employers often make them in a moment of panic and then resent you for it later, (2) there’s a reason you were job-searching in the first place, (3) it took you having one foot out the door to get the offer, and (4) you’ll burn the bridge with the other company whose offer you already accepted.

The ones that would worry me most here are #1 and #3 — are they just offering you the job now because they don’t want to lose you but otherwise wouldn’t have, and is the relationship going to be permanently changed because you were about to leave? I don’t have enough information to know that … but talking with them to learn more about where they’re coming from will help you get closer to one.

I’d talk with them and see what you learn. But if the answer to “how has your experience been there aside from this?” is anything less than “really good,” I’d lean strongly toward moving on to that other offer you already accepted.

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I think my boss is getting copies of all my email, wage theft, and more

by Alison Green on March 11, 2014

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. I think my boss is getting copies of all my email

Yesterday on a Link’d meeting, my boss was showing something to us and during the call, I saw two emails pop up on his screen from two individuals that I work with — they are pretty low on the food chain, so he would not be emailing them. I looked at my email and had received two emails from the same individuals at same time, but he was not cc’d. I think he is automatically getting my emails. Is this typical? I have never received a bad review, no negative feedback, etc. Is this allowed?

It’s not typical, but it does happen, and yes, it’s allowed. In fact, it’s worth always assuming that your employer can see anything you do on your company email (and computer), although in practice, it’s pretty rare for someone to actually look. And setting email up so that your boss gets everything you gets would be really, really unusual — as well as pretty awful management, since if he has concerns about your work (the only thing I can think of that would lead to this), he should be talking to you about it directly and finding other ways to stay engaged with what you’re doing.

That said, I wouldn’t assume it’s happening here just because of what you saw. He could have been receiving different emails, or they could have bcc’d him (on request or otherwise).

2. I was denied a request to use a different computer because of a heavy smoker

I am having a vexing problem at work. I am training (on the job) for a new position in a small office room with 6 computer stations. Training involves sitting very close, inches apart, and using the same computer terminal for eight hours. One of my trainers is sick and the stand-in one day this past week is a heavy smoker. The work day started after a cigarette break, from which third hand smoke lingered. I awkwardly asked to use a different computer terminal to complete that days training, due to my asthma.

I was asked by a supervisor if I was physically incapable of sitting next to the trainer for the training, and my reply that “I don’t want to be sick from work” resulted in being sent to an office in another building to meet with our manager who I rarely see. The takeaway from this meeting is that
-no one will be asked to quit smoking (which I never requested)
-it is not possible for me to train on a different computer, as seeing the exact same screen is very important
-it is not possible to train with others, as many people are smokers
-I will never have training to advance to another position or learn more as all training is in close proximity in this small office and it is not possible to look for non-smokers on the schedule

In this short 10-minute max meeting, I tried to make it easy for my manager to say yes to another computer. I did not ask for a no-smoking policy, I asked for a “small accommodation” to be able to keep learning this new position. What should my next step be? So far I am resigned to just start looking for another job, even though I like this one enough.

Asthma is covered under the Americans with Disabilities Act, which means that your employer is likely required to make reasonable accommodations for you, and it’s hard to imagine that moving you to another computer wouldn’t qualify as reasonable. If you have an HR department, I’d take this up with them, as they’re probably more familiar with the ADA than your manager. I’d say something like this: “My understanding is that asthma is covered under the Americans with Disabilities Act, and I’m hoping it would be a reasonable accommodation to simply use a different computer to finishing my training.” You should make sure HR knows everything your manager said to you, including the threat of never advancing you, because penalizing you for raising this is a separate violation in and of itself.

Read updates to this letter here and here. 

3. Should I avoid the word “some”?

I’m fairly new to the workforce (less than 5 years), and I was recently told in a review to stay away from using the word “some” in emails because it makes the context less formal. She used this example: “Let me check and find some examples and get back to you.” I suppose I can see how this changes the feeling of the sentence, but I didn’t know there were words to stay away from, and now I am self conscious about other words. Do you have any thoughts on words/phrases that make you cringe when you see them?

What?! I don’t see how “some” is problematic in that context (or really, any context). I’d chalk this up to being an odd pet peeve by your boss (which you can avoid now that you know about), but not a feeling shared by everyone else.

4. Wage theft

Is it stealing if my employee is working for someone else during the hours he’s working for me?

Stealing in the legal sense, like he could be charged with theft? No. But in the ethical sense, sure, if he should be doing something else with that time. But it’s not really the point. The point is that you’re his manager, you know this is happening, and you should put a stop to it if you’re unhappy with it. Why haven’t you?

5. Should I have to pay for a class I took for a job I ended up not accepting?

I am a RN and I interviewed with an outpatient cardiac cath lab, where I was completely honest about my limited experience. During the phone interview and in person, I repeatedly questioned the training schedule because of the potential harm to human life if I were to be asked to function independently, before being completely trained. I was told repeatedly that there was no rush, I could take my time until I felt comfortable.

I received an offer letter, which I did not sign and turn in because things were moving fast and it slipped my mind. The clinic happened to be providing an Advanced Cardiovascular Life Support Class to current employees and I was invited to attend, unpaid, because this course is required within one year of hire. I took time off from my current position to attend the training. It was then that I learned one of the other RNs would be leaving on vacation a week and a half after my start date and I would be working independently. I was prepared to discuss this with the manager but I received an email from her when I got home after the training was completed and she wrote, “You should be able to access EPIC on the 19th and focus on that training/documenting, so that on the 20th and 21st you can function somewhat independently during procedures!” This was exactly what I was assured would not happen, so I sent the manager a letter explaining my concerns and told her I no longer felt this was a good fit for me. She tried to reword that statement, but ultimately, I would indeed be alone with post-op patients that I would not be trained to care for, risking human life and my license.

The manager is now insisting that I reimburse them for the class. Do you think I am responsible for the cost of the class?

Hell no. If they originally invited you to attend cost-free, you’re under no obligation to now pay for it just because you didn’t ultimately end up taking the job. (On the other hand, if the original agreement was that you would pay — which I don’t t think it was, but it’s not 100% clear here — then you should stick to that original agreement … although the gracious thing for them to do would be not to require it.)

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how long should I give a candidate to think over a job offer?

by Alison Green on March 10, 2014

A reader writes:

What is a reasonable period of time to let a candidate consider a job offer and what is best way to phrase that window? I hate to say “you have 48 hours to think it over!” but candidates generally request a week if I ask them for a time frame. In most cases, I have other qualified candidates that I might lose if I give the candidates as much time as they want. So what is reasonable and what is a way to say it to not sound unreasonable?

I’d try to give people a week if at all possible, because you’re asking people to make a major decision that will have a huge impact on their quality of life, finances, and overall fulfillment for at least the next couple of years and possibly longer.

If possible, try to position yourself to be able to do that by building a buffer into the timeline you’re giving to other candidates. If you’re telling all your candidates “we’ll let you know by the 15th,” then you’re creating artificial pressure on yourself to do that, even if you don’t make someone an offer until the 13th. But if you build additional time in there (or don’t nail yourself down to a particular date, or even a particular week), you can get rid of that pressure.

However, there are times when you know that you risk losing your second or third choice candidates if you drag out your process too long — such as if one has another offer that they need to respond to quickly. In that case, you should explain the situation to your first choice candidate so they understand the context of your request: “You’re our first choice and we’re eager to bring you on board. However, some of our other candidates have deadlines for responding to other offers that we’re trying to be sensitive to. Would it work to get us an answer by Monday?”

The other thing that you can do is to make sure you’re giving people enough information through the hiring process that they’re going to be well-positioned to make a decision pretty quickly after getting an offer. Ideally, if you’re doing your job well, by the time you reach the offer stage, your top candidate should already pretty much know whether she’d accept the job, as long as the salary is right.

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how to lose your boss’s trust

by Alison Green on March 10, 2014

Your relationship with your boss is one of the biggest determining factors in how happy you’ll be at work – and how happy your employer will be with you. A key part of that relationship is how much your boss trusts you – which dictates everything from how much freedom your boss gives you in the course of your daily work to whether you’re recommended for high-profile projects and promotions. But it doesn’t take much to lose that trust and significantly damage this key relationship.

Here are seven ways you can lose your boss’s trust and have a hard time gaining it back.

1. Not keeping commitments. The most fundamental expectation that your boss has of you is that you’ll do what you say you’ll do or what you’re assigned. If you don’t keep those commitments, your manager won’t be able to trust that work is getting carried out in the way she expects – which is one of the most damaging things for your boss to believe about you. That’s why it’s key to be vigilant about doing what you say you’ll do, by the timeframe you’ve committed to do it in – and update people accordingly when a timeline needs to change. Chronically falling short on this front can lead to a relationship where your boss doesn’t rely on anything you say.

2. Not keeping your boss in the loop when it counts. A good boss won’t expect you to report on every detail of your work to her – but will expect that you’ll proactively inform her when it really matters, since as when a client is angry, a project is careening toward disaster, or a major decision needs to be made. If your boss isn’t confident that you have the judgment to know when to loop her in, she’s likely to feel that she needs to dig around to find out what’s going on in your realm … and neither of you will enjoy that. You’re much better off showing her that keep her in the loop on your own.

3. Guessing when you don’t know the answer. It might feel reasonable to make a best guess when you don’t know an answer, but that means that some of the time, you’ll probably be supplying wrong information. And since your boss isn’t asking you questions just to entertain herself, she’ll then presumably be making decisions or taking actions based on faulty information. So if you’re not sure about something, say so (and then say you’ll find out the answer).

4. Not taking responsibility for your mistakes. Reasonable bosses know that employees are human and that mistakes will sometimes happen. But if you don’t take responsibility when mistakes happen or you make excuses or become defensive, your boss will worry that you don’t understand why the mistake happened in the first place – and that means she won’t be able to trust you to avoid mistakes in the future.

5. Not being up-front about your biases. It’s fine to have biases; we all have them. But if you hide your biases from your boss and she eventually uncovers them, you’ll have damaged your credibility with her. On the other hand, if you openly own up to your biases, you can earn lasting credibility. For instance, if you’re complaining about a coworker’s work quality and your manager has seen in the past that you don’t particularly like this coworker, you’re going to be a lot more credible if you say something like, “I want to acknowledge that Jane and I have never clicked, and it’s possible that it’s coloring my view.”

6. Not speaking up when you disagree on significant issues. Good managers want to work with straight-shooters who they can count on to provide honest input, especially when asked and especially when the input could steer the team away from a bad decision. If a project goes bad, you’ll lose your manager’s trust if she finds out that you always thought it was a bad idea but didn’t bother speaking up about it because you didn’t want to make waves. (This assumes, of course, that the manager has made it safe for people to disagree with her and openly voice dissent.)

7. Complaining about your boss behind her back, or otherwise being a toxic influence in the workplace. To be clear, a good boss wants to hear if you have complaints about her management, your work, or other substantive issues. But that means talking with her directly, not complaining behind her back. If your boss hears that you’ve been chronically complaining to others, she’ll understandably be concerned that you’re undermining her – and more broadly, that you’re spreading negativity around the workplace. And that’s very hard to recover from.

I originally published this at U.S. News & World Report.

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