Ask a Manager

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My staff found me bound and gagged after a robbery

I’m a 32-year-old woman who was recently made manager of a small financial firm. Being fairly young, I’ve had to overcome skepticism and sexism from my staff, but after three months I’ve established a reputation for being efficient, fair, and a bit stern. It’s worked, I’m respected, and we all get along very well.

Several mornings a week, I arrive very early for some alone time. Last Thursday, I arrived at 7 a.m., (we open at 10), and was “greeted” by a couple of thugs who demanded money, bank cards, etc. Thankfully, I wasn’t hurt, but they had a roll of duct tape and left me in a closet thoroughly taped and gagged. I struggled for nearly 3 hours but couldn’t get free. When staff members began to arrive, they heard me moaning and found me still helplessly all taped up. I was more embarrassed than relieved. The efficient boss felt like a chump.

Of course, everyone has been sympathetic and supportive, but I’ve felt like every ounce of my dignity, pride, bearing has evaporated. Having my staff see me bound and gagged was extremely humiliating. Now I go through the motions of being the same competent manager, but I’ve lost my sense of authority and don’t know if I can continue. How do I regain that sense of leadership I worked so hard to attain?

Put yourself in their shoes — if you found your manager the way they found you, would it affect their authority and leadership? You’d feel sympathy and concern, presumably, but it’s pretty unlikely that you’d think of them as less of a manager after that. The same is likely true with your staff. They didn’t witness you flubbing a presentation or losing your cool or being dressed down by your own manager (all things that could potentially affect their perception of your competence and authority); they saw you caught up in a crime, something that could have happened to anyone but happened to happen to you.

It’s understandable that you’re shaken — who wouldn’t be? — but that doesn’t need to shake your sense of competence. Try acting “as if” for a while — as if it never happened, as if you didn’t feel embarrassed — and give yourself some time to see that they’re responding to you just as they were before.

2. Was the tone of my employee’s email inappropriate?

I am a manager of a small office. One of the first line supervisors who reports to me sent me an email stating “I should have been cc’d on this email. Why did you cc Sam?” Am I strange for feeling that the tone of his email is inappropriate? I could not imagine telling my boss whom she should cc on an email.

It reads as pretty aggressive to me, but it’s possible that it was meant purely inquisitively — like “I was surprised/confused that Sam was cc’d and wondering if there’s some additional context I don’t know about.” And of course, that’s one of the problems with email — things that aren’t intended as aggressive/rude/harsh can end up sounding that way without additional context.

One option is to respond, “Come by when you have a minute and we can discuss it” — which then gets you a face-to-face conversation where you can better judge tone and intent. Or you can answer directly now (“Sorry about that, I thought Sam was taking the lead on the project”) and bring it up in person later (“I might have misinterpreted, but your email yesterday sounded frustrated”). Either way, though, it’s worth probing into whether there’s something going on — which could be anything from a poorly worded but genuine attempt to resolve her confusion to being at the end of her rope because you never loop her in to things she needs to be involved in, despite her repeated requests, to outright insubordination. You’ll only find out if you talk.

3. My married coworkers are having an affair with each other

My coworkers (both married) are in a relationship. Most of us could care less, but quite often it’s thrust into our faces. It’s as if they don’t care if anyone knows. For the type of job we do, periodically we have to stay at hotels overnight and employees are assigned individual rooms. They go directly to the same room, not caring who knows. We are very uncomfortable with this situation because most people know their respective spouses, and the female has a history of being intimate with her male coworkers. I am absolutely for MYOB but it’s very difficult since we have a front and center view of this soap opera. What do you suggest?

I would suggest you ignore since it doesn’t involve you. What other options are there?

You should also leave the woman’s sexual history out of it, as it’s not at all relevant. Would you feel differently about the situation if she had no known dating history? If so, why?

And I’d also suggest not referring to a woman as “the female,” which is typically only used as a noun when you’re talking about animals, so unless this situation is actually part of a wildlife documentary and your coworkers are lions or giraffes, it’s not appropriate here.

4. Bringing in pies for Pi day

About three months ago, I started my first professional job. I’ve already gained a good reputation in my team as a smart, solid worker, and also I’m known as a bit of a science/math nerd. I’ve kept my nerdiness to a minimum, so as not to annoy people, but I occasionally enjoy sharing my love of things science-related.

This coming Friday (3/14) is Pi day, after the first three digits of the number pi (3.14). I also happen to be seated in cubicle #314. I was considering bringing out one or two pies on Friday afternoon and sharing them with my team in recognition of the day.​ Is this an appropriate thing to do, or is there a chance it could back-fire and it would be better to just keep this to myself?

My office culture is a fairly normal one on the slightly more casual side of the spectrum. Bringing in food is unusual but not unheard of, but I’m wondering if my specific reason would be seen as weird.

Pie is awesome, being passionate about things is awesome, and sharing both those things with others is awesome. Go for it.

5. Will a background checker contact my current employer?

I interviewed for a position recently. They emailed saying they want to do a background check. When I filled out the background check online, it didn’t indicate that they would be contacting my current employer.

I was told they were going to do background checks on all of the finalists. Do background checks usually contact your current employer? I don’t want my current employer to know I’m looking until I have an offer. This is a third party background checker, and when I filled out the information, I didn’t see anywhere where it said they will be calling my current employer. I’m very worried that they’re going to call my current employer and it will put my current job in jeopardy.

This is not something you have to speculate on and worry about — you can just ask them! Contact them and say, “It occurred to me that I wasn’t clear from the form you filled out whether you’ll be contacting my current employer. They don’t know that I’m looking and I need to keep my search discreet until I accept an offer. Will that conflict with the background check you’re doing?”

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Recruiter emailed me a dozen annoying interview questions to complete

I had a phone screen with a large corporation for a program manager role. After a 10 minute conversation, the recruiter emailed me over a dozen interview questions that he asked me to complete, including:
• Share with me some of your areas of improvements or strengths
• Tell me about a time when you had significant obstacles to overcome in achieving your goal. Were you successful?
• Salary history and/or expectations
• On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate yourself in the basic and preferred skills in the job description

I can’t put a finger on it, but it makes me really uncomfortable to answer these questions via email. I applied through a strong referral, and my referrer told me that the hiring team put a note on my application asking the recruiter not to pass on me, so this seems unnecessary. How should I respond?

That’s incredibly annoying; if they want to interview you, they should interview you, not sending you a bunch of written questions that are more typically asked in an interview. If you have a really close contact there and you know them enough to know that they’d think this was BS, and they want you more than you want them at this point, you could check in with your contact about it (with a note like, “Hey Jane, your recruiter asked me to fill out 12 fairly lengthly interview questions that seem better discussed in person — do you mind if I hold off on these until we meet?”) … but if your contact there isn’t particularly strong or you don’t know that they want to woo you, then you’ve got to suck it up and fill it out.

But recruiters who make strong candidates jump through hoops, particularly when the employer has already indicated they want to meet with the candidate, are recruiters of questionable quality. (On the other hand, it’s possible that this is the hiring team’s process, not the recruiter’s. Who knows?)

2. Interview questions that don’t match my experience

I am having problems with initial phone interviews, usually conducted by HR. For over 9 years, I have worked at inbound call centers. My job was to take calls all day. Nothing else.

I have been applying for other call center jobs, but lately I am hitting a roadblock with HR professionals who know nothing about the industry yet are interviewing people for an inbound position. For example, someone asked me what kind of projects I worked on, when I take calls all day. There is seldom time between calls. Another asked me how I dealt with a coworker with a different work style than my own. Call center agents don’t exactly work with coworkers. They work with callers. You may occasionally ask a manager a question or ask a coworker about a call, but more often than not I did not even know the name of the agent sitting next to me let alone their work habits. How do I educate the person interviewing me without offending them because they are asking irrelevant questions?

Just straightforwardly explain it. But also think about what they’re looking for with those questions (which is information about how you get along with others) and answer that however you can. For instance : “My call center jobs kept me on the phone with customers all day, close to every minute of the day. I worked with customers rather than coworkers, but I can tell you about how I handled customers with difficult styles.”

3. Can I ask not to have to use vacation time to attend a week-long program for my master’s degree?

I’m taking classes part-time as part of a master’s degree program, while working full-time in the same field. So far, I haven’t had to adjust my work schedule at all to make this work. However, this summer there is a week-long session that is part of the degree program. It is a one-time only thing, which I’m required to attend. I have already requested the time away from work and am prepared to use vacation time to cover my absence; however, I’m wondering how off-base it would be to ask my work to consider allowing me to count the time as job training (and therefore not have to use vacation time).

On one hand, the degree program has already made me a much more skilled employee, which the organization benefits from, and my organization does occasionally pay for employees to attend conferences (obviously, in that case the employees are not using vacation time to attend). On the other hand, the advanced degree is something I pursued on my own, without prompting from my employer, that I will ultimately benefit most from.

(Also, if it matters: I am a non-exempt employee, but am not in the type of job that requires me to find a replacement or be there set hours. I have worked at the company for several years, and have about 10 years in the field.)

If it’s truly work that’s significantly benefitting your workplace, and if your manager would agree with that, there’s no harm in asking. I’d say something like, “Is there any chance I could do all or part of the week-long session on Topic X without charging to my accrued vacation time, since it’s professional development that’s helping with X, Y, and Z at work? I understand if I can’t, but did want to ask.”

4. Was this an awkward way of making a job offer?

I had a rather long interview (approximately 2 hours) recently with three different managers showcasing different job aspects and a facility tour. A few hours later, I received an email asking me to give a call in the morning and was told in it that my interview “went very well!”

When I called, I was offered the job. I did end up accepting, but I couldn’t help but think how awkward that call would’ve been if I even needed some time to think about it! Is this normal?

I am confused about which part of this seems odd to you! It’s very normal to make a job offer over the phone — more common than any other method, in fact — and it’s not that odd that they emailed you and asked you to call them at your convenience. If you wanted time to think over the offer, you would have just said that on the call — as in, “Thanks so much for the offer. I’d like a few days to think it over. Can I get back to you by Wednesday?”

5. Should I put Phi Beta Kappa on my resume?

After 15 years as a co-owner of a retail business, I left to attend university. Not only did I receive a bachelor of arts at a prestigious school, I earned membership in Phi Beta Kappa. I am extremely proud of my achievements but I’m unsure about what to include on my resume.

I am applying for entry-level administration jobs in corporate offices. Does including Phi Beta Kappa on my resume give employers an assurance that I can also function successfully in a corporate atmosphere? Or does it make me overqualified for entry-level, which is all that my work experience supports? Or does it make me look overly boastful?

It does none of that. It’s good to include it on your resume, and it won’t seem boastful. It will seem like a marker of academic achievement, which it is. But it also doesn’t make you overqualified for entry-level jobs, because it doesn’t give you work experience, which is what would make you overqualified, or indicate that you can function successfully in a corporate environment, because Phi Beta Kappa has nothing to do with functioning in corporate environments. It’s more similar to, say, having a high GPA — it reflects well on you academically, you should be proud of it, and having it is better than not having it.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My company wants to track employees’ volunteer time outside the office

Is it common for a company to track employees’ volunteer time outside the office? My company (not a nonprofit) just had a big roll-out of new software to track employees’ volunteer time. We are encouraged to enter our volunteer hours, not only for company-sponsored activities, but for volunteering outside the office. An example would be if we volunteered to coach our child’s sports team.

I know my company wants to show that it cares about the community. And they do have many company-sponsored volunteer activities in all the communities where they are located. So I’m assuming somewhere that they will be reporting the hours that their employees spend in volunteering, perhaps in PR materials. But it seems a bit disingenuous to report personal volunteer time spent outside the office. I’m going to volunteer, regardless of my employer.

While this is by no means mandatory, it just seems odd. Is this a common practice?

It’s not uncommon. And just as you assumed, companies that do this will then report in PR materials that their employees contributed X hours of community service last year, or something along those lines — so yes, it’s to benefit their image. I think it’s a little disingenuous too, although I suppose another way to look at it is that they’re not claiming that the volunteering was spurred by them — just that they hire community-minded people, which could very well be true. But if they also take active measures to support employees’ volunteering — like allowing you to use work time to pursue volunteer work or giving you time off for volunteer activities — it would feel a lot more genuine.

2. Does my boss’s offer to buy tickets for a fundraiser extend to spouses too?

I’m a graduate student from Washington state, and I have an etiquette question for you. My department hosts an annual fundraiser for student scholarships, and the tickets are fairly expensive. My boss sent an email, asking, “Anyone want to go this year? I’ll buy tickets.” My married lab mates and I will be bringing our spouses, but it’s not clear whether my boss’s offer applies to them as well. This has us scratching our heads, since asking for clarification will almost definitely lead him to offer to pay for both tickets. Personally, I’m quite willing to pay for my spouse’s ticket myself.

Should I assume that the offer applies to just me? If not, what’s a tactful way to ask him?

I’d say, “Is it okay if we bring spouses? And if so, what’s the best way for them to buy tickets?” That leaves the door open for your boss to offer to cover the tickets for them, or to just tell you how they can buy their own. But if even that will lead to him offering to buy their tickets, well … at that point, I’d say to accept the offer, which he’s making of his own free will.

3. How to respond to a job inquiry when my resume is out-of-date

Yesterday afternoon, I received a LinkedIn message from an internal recruiter saying she had found my profile searching LinkedIn and thought my background is in line with what they’re looking for. I’ve looked at the job posting and done some preliminary research on the company and it does look like it might be a really good fit for me in terms of responsibilities and type of workplace. The thing is, I’m not currently looking for a new job and my resume is not up-to-date. I do want to respond and tell her I’m interested in the position, but I’m not sure how to go about that since my resume isn’t ready to send out. (This is the first time someone has reached out to me about a position that I’m actually interested in pursuing.)

Should I wait until I’ve had a chance to update my resume and write a cover letter, even though that’s likely to be a few days? Should I respond now and say that I’m interested and I’ll forward my resume and cover letter in a few days? Or is there some other correct course of action?

Respond now so that she knows that you’re interested. Explain that the position looks great, and that you need a few days to update your resume since you haven’t been actively job-searching, and that you’ll send it over in the next few days (and then do so, obviously). But do write back now, or you risk looking uninterested or unresponsive.

4. Dealing with incorrect W2 forms

My fiancé just recieved her W2 forms, and one has the correct total but the other one is way over what she made. The total would be almost three times the amount she made. She only works at one company, and I was just wondering if this is illegal and what we should do. Report to the IRS or what?

She should point out the problem to her employer and ask for a corected W2. That’s it. No need to go reporting anyone for wrongdoing (or even worrying about wrongdoing) unless they refuse to issue her a corrected one, which would be very unlikely.

5. I was written up for being late when I had a flat tire

I was on my way to work on Sunday, I go to my car and I have a flat tire, an hour before my shift starts. I called my coworker to see if he could cover my shift and he did. I finally got my tire taken care of and returned to work the next day. When I get in, my supervisor advises me that she is going to write me up because it was an hour before my shift started. I had no way to get there I live in New Jersey and the job is located in Philadelphia, about a 45-minute ride. Do they have the right to that? I am in a union, and I should have been given the employee handbook when I first started, which says that when my shift starts, if I run into any problems, I should notify the office in enough time. There was no handbook presented to me. Do I have the right to not sign the write-up?

Yes, they can do that (assuming that your union contract doesn’t say otherwise), but it’s an incredibly adversarial way to treat employees, unless this is the final straw in a long line of reliability issues.

It doesn’t make sense to refuse to sign the write-up (that won’t stop you from having disciplinary measures taken, but will generally make you look combative), but you can certainly note that you’re signing to indicate receipt only, not agreement, and you can ask to have your side of the story considered. You could also check with your union to see if this violates any agreement with them.

 

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. How to deal with a hostile interviewer

I recently had a terrible experience with a phone interview in which the interviewer began with a tone of voice that was irritated and sarcatic, which escalated over the course of 30 minutes into openly aggressive and loud, bordering on bullying and browbeating. I tried my best to keep calm and politely answer everything but by the end, my voice was shaking (and so was I). It was shocking and extremely upsetting to endure but I was a loss as to what to do. I was afraid that if I said anything, even politely, he might use it as an excuse to blackball me from the company and possibly parts of the industry I work in. There was no one else on the line so there would be no “proof” either way and he’s at a more influential position than me.

Is there a way to gracefully disengage from a situation like this? Or salvage it somehow? I assume that by the time it gets this bad, one or both parties have decided it’s not the right fit anyway so losing the job isn’t a problem. I just don’t want to be trapped being someone’s verbal punching bag for as long as they see fit to keep me there. But is possibly being blackballed the price I have to pay?

Yes, it’s possible that he could keep you from ever getting hired in that company. It’s less likely that he’d be inclined or able to blackball you from your industry, particularly if you just politely disengaged. That means not saying, “You’re being very rude, so I’m ending this call” (even though that might be entirely justified), but instead saying something like, “You know, as we’re talking, I’m getting the sense that the fit here wouldn’t be right. I appreciate your time, and best of luck filling the position.”

Of course, if you want to, you could take it further than that. I’d probably say, “I have to be honest, your tone is really throwing me here. I don’t think we’d work together well, so I don’t think it makes sense to continue talking.” But that’s more confrontational, so if you want to minimize any risk, I’d go with the first option.

2. I’m southern, and my boss asked me not to say “y’all” to customers

I started my current job in NYC about 6 months ago. It is my first time leaving my hometown, a small southern town. There have been so many adjustments that I’ve made, but I’ve always held great pride in being a southern belle, and have tried my best to maintain that. I’ve always found the way southerners speak to be comforting, but I’m guessing my boss does not feel that way.

We are a small, multi-cultural office. Many of my coworkers, including my boss, are from different countries, and have different speaking styles. I am the only one from the south, though. My boss sat our staff down for a meeting tonight and handed out instructions for customer service, which included this note: “How y’all doing today?” is not a good way to start a conversation. I feel singled out in front of my peers and offended. I don’t know if it’s worth it to bring it up, or how to tell her.

Eh, I’d let it go. Your boss isn’t completely crazy in finding that a less formal conversational opener — it is less formal, and it’s her call if she wants you to take a different tone with customers. That said, I do think she’s wildly off-base in thinking customers won’t like it. Many of us love southern-isms like that and find them warm and charming. (And, I suppose, some people don’t … which might be why she wants to take a more conservative approach, although it’s really awfully micromanagey.) In any case, she’s overreacting, but it’s her call.

As for raising it to the whole group and not you individually, yeah, that’s not ideal either. But I think there’s more to lose than gain here by going back to her about it.

3. Should a departing employee screen candidates for her replacement?

Our HR director is leaving the company, and the CFO has asked her to screen candidates for her replacement. I have some serious concerns about this because 1) she has completely checked out mentally, and is no longer invested in the well-being of our company and 2) she has never really added much value to the organization. She’s notorious for being a bad judge of character, and writes people off quickly (not great traits for an HR director).

Am I wrong for thinking this is a bad idea? The CFO is new also and isn’t aware of her reputation but even so, why would you want an employee who no longer cares about the organization to be part of this process?

It could be a bad idea because this particular person is checked out (depending on how that’s manifesting), but it’s not inherently a bad idea to have the departing person involved in the hiring for her replacement. In many jobs, it’s pretty common. You’d want to have others involved at some point (if for no other reason than that candidates will want to talk to the person they’ll be working for), but there’s nothing wrong with structuring it like this at the early stages, as long as she’s not making the final decision.

4. Handling PTO on days when the office closes for weather

Two employees were already approved and scheduled to be out on PTO on March 3. Due to weather conditions, at 8:30 am we decided to close the office for the entire day. The 2 employees are requesting the PTO to be credited back. Additionally, several decided to come in and work and are now asking if they will get credit for time worked. Help please!

Whether to credit back the PTO to the two employees who were out that day is up to your company’s own policy. Some companies would credit it back (on the theory that the office ended up closing that day anyway) and some wouldn’t (on the theory that they were able to make alternate plans for that day, and it’s ultimately irrelevant that the office ended up closing). Personally, I favor not making people use the PTO in this situation, since it doesn’t really cost the company anything to be nice here and it’s good for morale. But the main thing is to pick a policy and be consistent about it.

But as for the people who came in and worked that day, absolutely they should get paid for that time. If they’re non-exempt, you don’t have a choice anyway; the law requires it. If they’re exempt, they’re being paid anyway, so I’m assuming the question would be whether they could get something like comp time. It’s a nice gesture, if you don’t want to lower morale (and, on future snow days, productivity).

5. The CEO asked me to work on a project I can’t tell my manager about

The CEO of my company has asked me to complete a project that he wants to keep “just between us.” It’s nothing untoward–but could be culturally sensitive within the company and mean changes to peoples’ jobs, etc. I am many levels below C-level, but the only person here who can do this particular kind of project. Normally — no big deal. I have done these kinds of projects before. I get them done and report back to the CEO, usually in one afternoon. But this project is much more extensive and will require a real time commitment, and I’m under a fair amount of pressure to complete some other time-sensitive projects right now. (I’m not sure the CEO realized this when he asked me to complete the project. In truth, I didn’t realize what a time commitment this secret project would be, or I would have mentioned something to the CEO when he asked me to do it.)

So the problem is this: I have no poker face. What the heck am I supposed to tell my manager I am doing while I’m working on this project? Or if other projects I have been assigned aren’t done as quickly because my time is being split with this second, “secret” project? My manager is not really the type to micromanage (thankfully!), so it is possible it won’t come up or he won’t notice, but if he asks me directly what I’m working on I am a little afraid I’ll blush or look sheepish or something awful that will reflect poorly on me. I’m not as worried that I will spill the beans about the project, but more like I’ll look like I am shirking my assigned work. I am a terrible liar. Is there an easy way to deflect attention from this project while managing the expectations of both my manager and the CEO?

Go back to the CEO and explain the situation. Say something like this: “This will take me about X days/hours to complete, and I’m realizing that it’s going to cause some awkwardness with Jane, who wants me doing other work during that time. Could you mention something to her so that she realizes I’m working on a project for you — and ideally heads off any questions about it that I shouldn’t answer?”