Ask a Manager

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My controlling coworker wants us to have weekly update meetings, and I don’t want to

I have a colleague who does basically the same work that I do – we’re in the same unit, have essentially the same job functions, the same bosses, and we share an assistant. More importantly, we’re in the same pay grade. I have been in this job longer, but she is older and therefore has more work experience in general.

We have several progress meetings with our various bosses, but she wants us (the two of us and our assistant) to meet once a week to give each other status updates. She generally likes to be the one in charge, and I cannot shake the feeling that this is another attempt by her to exert control and set herself up to be in a position of “authority” over me. These meetings may very well be useful, but I don’t want to be a part of them. Am I being paranoid?

I don’t know if you’re being paranoid, but why not just be straightforward with her and say that you’re not sure the weekly meetings are necessary and ask what problem she’s trying to solve with them? If she can make a reasonable case that the meetings will be useful, then you really should go ahead and try having them. But you can preempt any attempts by her to use them to exert control over you by exerting some control from the outset yourself — for instance, send around an agenda beforehand, start off by leading the discussion, and/or take the lead on wrapping up. In other words, act aggressively like an equal, not someone she can push around.

Alternately, if the meetings really won’t have value, it’s fine to just say something like, “I think everything is going smoothly, so rather than adding in another weekly meeting, let’s just plan to talk ad hoc when we need to.” But don’t resist them just on principle, or you risk appearing obstructionist or unhelpful.

2. Should I contact people who had my job before me to find out what happened to them?

I work in facilities. Most people have worked here for a very long time – some up to more than 40 years, mostly men. The women are vicious. I am the third admin for the landscaping group in so many years. I support a supervisor who is classical textbook passive-aggressive. My boss is a nice guy but is afraid of her. This supervisor hates me. My boss’s admin is a bully. She used to like me but now doesn’t because of the passive aggressive. My boss has been out of the office on and off for the past 5 months; his wife had cancer and died. While he was out, passive-aggressive made a power grab, collaborated with the bully, and together put me on a PIP, which my boss didn’t sign but is going along with.

The reason I am writing is that the admin before me and another admin got fired. They seem to have gotten another job at the college in another department, which they call the land of misfit admins. This department takes admins fired from facilties because, from what I hear, they know there are problems here. I want to contact the ex-admins secretly. I want to find out what happened, but most of all I want to get the hell out of here and I want to reach out to them for help. What do you think I should do? Do I contact them? If so, what should I say?

Noooo. Don’t do that. That’s inviting and creating drama. If you’re not happy there, and it sounds like you’re not, start looking for another job. But secret contacts with people who got fired before you is drama town, and it sounds like your situation needs less drama, not more.

3. How can I keep quick informational staff meetings from turning into debates?

I work as a manager in a retail environment. Each day, we have small group meetings to share information, whether it be new processes, upcoming events, expectations, or new products with the crew. The meetings are led by a supervisor or manager. I lead about 9 of these a week (for various shifts). I do a great job for the most part, but the problem I run into is that the crew loves to get on their soapbox and share their side of the story when I am introducing a new system or expectation. I want to be perceived as a good listener so I let them say their piece, but I feel like it puts me on the spot in front of everyone who is looking to hear my response. Honestly, sometimes I just don’t have a response to what they are saying. I’d like some tips on how to respond when this happens.

Also, these meetings are only about 5-10 minutes long because of the fast-paced environment of the store, so when someone does get on their soapbox it takes up valuable time that I could be sharing other information. Again, it is an expectation from my boss that my people see me as a great listener so I need a way to quiet them down when I have other issues I need to get the crew up to speed on.

Well, keep in mind that you don’t just want people to see you as a good listener; you want to actually be a good listener, because that’s part of managing — as well as retaining good employees. Plus, you’ll make better decisions when you truly hear people’s input (which means not just tolerating their input, but actively seeking it), and your staff will be more likely to support those decisions when they feel their input has been heard and genuinely considered (even if the ultimate decision goes a different way).

All that said, it’s reasonable that sometimes you just need to relay information quickly. So I’d say something like, “If you have thoughts about this policy or a suggestion for improving it, please talk to me separately so that we can stay on track here and finish quickly.” But then you really need to hear people out when they come to you outside of these meetings and not make it impossible for them to talk with you.

4. Am I overqualified, under-qualified, or just right?

I’m a recent college grad who is having an extremely hard time finding a job and I was wondering if it might have something to do with my qualifications or lack thereof. I received my BS with a double major, then did a year with AmeriCorps in my field of study, and then got my MPA from Columbia University, graduating May 2013. I’m only 24. All told, I have about 2-1/2 years of combined experience (the 1 year of AmeriCorps, a 5-month client project for a non-profit which was part of my graduation requirement, a 6-month internship at the UN, and another 5-month internship at a nonprofit).

I still feel like an entry level candidate, so I’ve been applying to entry level jobs–some that ask for the masters, most that just ask for a bachelor’s degree–and I don’t know if I’m under/overqualified. On the one had, I don’t have years of salaried, full-time job experience so I don’t feel qualified to apply for a position asking for 3-5 years experience. On the other hand, I have a masters degree and I worry employers won’t hire me for something entry level based on that. Would you say that I’m over/under/just-right qualified for entry level nonprofit jobs that want 0-2 years experience? Any advice on how to downplay (or play up) the MPA? I feel like it’s more of a hindrance than a help.

On a related note, I’m applying to secretarial and clerical work (office receptionist, bank teller, etc.) because I desperately need a job, and again, I’m worried that even with a functional resume, I won’t be hired because I either don’t have enough experience in those fields or I have too much education. What would be your take on that?

Applying for jobs that ask for 0-2 years experience sounds about right, but it’s going to depend on the job. If it’s a receptionist job, I’d leave your masters off, since it’s going to hurt you more than help with those jobs. There’s no requirement that you list every qualification that you have, and listing a masters when applying to receptionist jobs is like announcing “This job isn’t what I want to do and I’ll be waiting for something better to come along” (whether or not that’s true).

When you leave it on (and actually the rest of the time too), make sure you’re explaining in your cover letter why you’re applying for the job you’re applying for — what excites you about it and why you’d be great at it. Otherwise, if the job doesn’t match up with your background, employers will assume you’re not be thoughtful and are just resume-bombing, and that’ll get you quickly discarded. Thoughtful, truly customized cover letters are going to be your friend here.

(And don’t use a functional resume at all; those are annoying and red-flaggy to employers.)

5. My manager makes me pick up my paycheck from her house

Is it appropriate to have to pick up my paycheck from my manager’s house? She lives in a sketchy part of town with her boyfriend that is really out of the way for me to have to drive to, and sometimes it’s her BOYFRIEND–who I don’t even know and is not connected with the company in any way–who gives the check to me instead of her. She is the CEO of her own branch of a company that sells Direct TV. She also has an office in town that she could use instead of her house, but chooses not to.

I’m the new guy and am afraid to say any thing, but I really am uncomfortable going to her house to pick up the check, and even more uncomfortable with her boyfriend giving it to me sometimes.

No, it’s not appropriate. But there’s no federal law governing precisely how your paychecks are distributed to you, and I don’t know of any state with a law addressing that either. However, why not ask her to either provide direct deposit or to hold your check at work for you? You don’t need to explain that it’s because of her sketchy location or her sketchy boyfriend; you can simply point out that it’s more convenient. (If it’s because she’s cutting the checks from home on her day off or something, then you could tell her you don’t mind waiting a few days until you’re both in the same location.)

It’s five short answers to five short questions. Here we go…

1. My manager hires new people without consulting with the rest of us

I work in a team of 4 full-time employees. We are a small web and software development team. My boss didn’t bother asking for our input on the last hire, nor did he ask us to sit in the interview. He didn’t even tell me that he chose someone. I only found out because there was someone new when I returned from a conference. But when I was hired, my future coworkers even sat in my interview.

He currently has a position open, and the only way I found out is through our job listings online. What is your thought on this? I find it to demonstrate how low he thinks of us.

As a manager, it’s good practice to involve staff members in hiring processes because it can help you make better decisions — because candidates may reveal different information to would-be peers than to the you, or staff members may simply pick up on different things than you do. But certainly plenty of managers hire without doing that; your manager isn’t terribly unusual in that respect, and it’s not a sign that he holds you in low regard. (There might be other signs of that, of course, but this on its own isn’t one of them.)

But why not ask him if you and your coworkers can play a role in the hiring process? You don’t want to sound like you’re asking for decision-making authority, of course, but you could point out that it could be useful to have additional people assessing the top candidates, as well as that you’re in a good position to answer candidates’ questions about the day-to-day of the work.

2. Manager accidentally emailed a coworker’s personal medical details to our division

A manager two level above me had mistakenly sent out an email to our division instead of his direct reports. The email disclosed the details of a coworker’s upcoming visits to a doctor and procedures that needed to be done. My coworker is extremely embarrassed and has only received a halfhearted email as an apology. There has been no acknowledgement to the division of the mistake. Any suggestions on how this should be handled?

How the manager should handle it, or how the rest of you should? The manager should profusely apologize to the coworker who the email was about, should send a follow-up apologizing for inappropriately disclosing details that weren’t meant for others to read, and should rethink his habit of discussing details of someone’s medical procedures with other people (because I can’t see why it even needed to be shared with his intended audience). There’s not really anything for the rest of you to do though; your manager made a mistake, he apologized to the person it affected, and that’s about all that can be done.

3. Should I keep a waitressing job on my resume?

Last year, 2 years after graduating from college, I was finally able to land a full-time job. Before that, I had a part-time job related to my field and was a restaurant server to make some extra cash. I left my serving job off my resume, but it would usually come up in interviews — mostly when asked about time management and how I handle stress. A lot of interviewers would ask me why I left the job off my resume since serving teaches you so many transferable skills. Many told me they thought it was the hardest job out there and I should definitely have put it on there. While I 100% agree with that, I had 3 college internships plus a part-time job, so I felt it was best to just leave it off. I’m still employed, am looking for jobs again and am curious on your thoughts. I no longer serve there, but should I put the serving job on or leave it off?

Sure, it won’t hurt you to have it on there, and it can certainly demonstrate customer service skills and the ability to juggle lots of things under pressure. That said, you’re probably gaining more work experience that demonstrates those same things within a context more relevant to your field, so I wouldn’t leave it on there indefinitely — maybe until it’s about five years old but not beyond that.

4. My coworkers constantly share their inappropriate, bigoted, and hostile views with me

I work in an absolutely toxic environment and I’m not really sure how to deal with it. My coworkers frequently have loud and inappropriate conversations. We have an open work plan that doesn’t allow me to block it out and headphones only help so much due to the volume (and they’ve backfired some as coworkers have told me they assume I’m not listening or can’t hear them).

One coworker described the exact details of sexual abuse that her young relative had undergone in order to get advice on the situation, as if knowing that specific acts would help. Another coworker complained that she was kept up late the night before because a neighbor was beating his wife and he needed to keep it down. She even imitated the woman begging for help. Coworkers have told me all the reasons I need to have children right now and why as someone in my mid-20s, it’s going to be too late if I don’t. They’ve had loud discussions about Jesus and the Bible knowing that I’m not Christian (I’m an atheist but I don’t talk about my views at work). They’ve complained about people abusing welfare and “illegals” using medical resources. One said being gay was a choice and yelled at me for disagreeing. She then went to a gay coworker and lied about what she had said. People talk about beating their kids and threatening other people with violence when they’re angry. There are plenty more stories. I never know what I’ll walk into on a given day and it destroys my mood and productivity.

I’ve tried talking to my boss about it and all she did was have a staff meeting where she told me not to say anything and then told everyone to “be professional.” The head of HR told me that I’m doing the “same thing” as my coworkers by telling people what they can or can’t say at work. When I said that I don’t tell people what to say, she told me that I was “judging them in [my] head.” She told me I needed to work on dealing with my frustration with the situation. I tried to remind her that our customers/patients could potentially hear these things too but she didn’t seem bothered.

Everyone tells me to go to HR (tried it twice), find a new job (easier said than done) or to just not be bothered by it (way easier said than done). What am I supposed to do in a place like this?

Your company sucks and isn’t going to change. I’m sorry. You’ve raised the problems and been told, in essence, that they don’t see it as a problem that they plan to do anything about.

You can choose to live there with this BS or you can find another job — which yes, is easier said than done, but you’ll have to leave there eventually, assuming you don’t intend to stay there for the rest of your career, so why not do it now?

Read updates to this letter here and here.

5. Which business books should my team read?

I work in human resources, and each quarter our team does a book review. We all read a business-related book and discuss it at one of our staff meetings. It doesn’t have to be long; our last one was a 45-minute read, but it’s supposed to have something useful that we can apply to our professional lives or behavior. I sort of volunteered (since no one else was) to research suggestions for the next book we’ll read. Our team is smallish but consists of HR, payroll, benefits, the building manager and admins. I love your blog and think you give great advice (I think your blog helped me get my current job which I love) so I was wondering if there are any books you’d recommend?

Well, on the nuts and bolts of how to actually manage — as in, what does managing well really look like day-to-day, what are the words you use for the conversations you have to have, etc. — it’s probably no surprise that I recommend my own book, Managing to Change the World, which I co-authored with Jerry Hauser, the former COO of Teach for America and founder of The Management Center. It’s written for nonprofit managers, but 99% of what’s in there applies to every sector.

I’d also take a look at the excellent First, Break All the Rules by Marcus Buckingham, which early on helped me shift the way I looked at struggling performers; Switch: How to Change Things When Change is Hard by Chip and Dan Heath, which shows you how to make difficult changes stick — socially, organizationally, and personally; and Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol Dweck, which argues that intelligence and abilities aren’t pre-determined as much as they’re  the result of learning and hard work … which has implications for tons of things in the workplace.

* I make a commission if you use those Amazon links.

It’s five short answers to five short questions. Here we go…

1. My coworker won’t stop commenting on my clothes and shoes

I work in a very small office that also has a warehouse. Fewer than 10 people work for the company, and I come in contact with everyone every day. The dress code for the office is business casual (and for the warehouse, it’s VERY casual). There is someone in the warehouse who continually makes comments on my choice of clothing or shoes, which is always work-appropriate. They aren’t compliments and while they’re not direct insults, they definitely lean more in that direction. The comments usually happen at least once a week. Some examples: “Oh, you’re wearing your hooker shoes today” (just for regular high heels, not 6″ stilettos or anything), or she’ll burst out laughing at me and make a comment like, “You’re wearing witch shoes today!” if the toes are pointed.

While I don’t take them terribly personally, I would like the comments to stop. My current approach has just been to ignore it completely but that doesn’t work. She often has temper tantrums or over-reacts to things, so I’m not sure how to phrase my request for her to stop without making it into a huge issue. Do you have any suggestions, or should I just leave it alone and ignore it?

It sounds like you have to decide between (a) ignoring it but allowing the comments to continue and (b) telling her to cut it out and risking that she reacts poorly to it — which would be her fault, not yours. If you decide to say something, I’d just say, “I’d really prefer it if you didn’t comment on my clothes or shoes. Thank you.” If she wants to have a tantrum in response to that, let her — she’s going to look really absurd. (But it’s perfectly reasonable if you decide you don’t feeling like dealing with that and can instead just happily ignore her.)

Oh — one other option would be to simply say “Wow” or “That’s rude” when she says something that truly crosses a line, like the hooker shoes comment.

2. My severance offer requires that I keep working a certain amount of time

I received a request for a phone conference three months ago on Nov. 5. I and two of my fellow coordinators were notified at that time that our jobs were being eliminated and that our final day would be Jan. 21. The company we work for has been holding our severance package over our head – if we remain employees in good standing until the end of the time, we receive the package. Of course, we are not able to apply for other jobs because we can’t afford to leave money on the table. Is this legal for them to do this? Is there any recourse? It is now down to the wire and we are getting ready to sign seperation papers. I just still have questions about my rights being violated.

This is very normal and perfectly legal. They want you to work out that full period, through January 21, and they’re offering you a financial incentive to do it — if you stay the whole time, you’ll get a bonus in the form of severance when you leave.

But you’re not required to stay that whole time or to accept the severance. You should absolutely be job-searching during this time, and if you’re offered a job that starts before January 21, at that point you can decide whether to take it (and forego the severance) or to turn it down (or to try to negotiate a later start date). That’s 100% your choice; no one is going to force you to do anything, and no one is violating your rights. (No law requires employers to offer severance, and they can put conditions like this on it if they want to.)

Personally, unless the severance package is a huge one, I’d say that a secure job offer and giving up the severance is worth more than a small amount of severance, which will run out pretty quickly and leave you without a job.

3. How can I thank my boss for hiring my friend?

My boss had an available position to fill, so I suggested she speak to a friend of mine. He ended up hiring her recently, and I wanted to send an email to thank him, but didn’t know if this was necessary/appropriate or what even to say. Any suggestions?

Don’t thank him! You don’t want to imply that he did you or her a favor — that implies that she wasn’t the best person for the job, so it’s a little undermining to her and a little weird for him. In fact, you did him a favor, by connecting him with a good candidate. So instead of thanking him, I’d say something like, “I’m so glad that Jane ended up being the right person for the role. I’m looking forward to her starting.”

4. Applying for a promotion when my partner might be taking a job in another state

My partner was approached about a job in Tampa (we currently live in Atlanta). She is about to have her final round of interviews early next week. All feedback has been extremely positive and it is very likely that she will receive an offer, which is GREAT… For her. It is a huge opportunity with a great salary and benefit options. Also, we both have family in Tampa, so the plan was to relocate there, eventually. We weren’t expecting it to happen so soon, though.

I’ve recently (just yesterday) had an opportunity to apply for a position within my current company. The position is only being offered within my current team, and isn’t even being posted on our intranet. I have been in discussions with my boss for a couple of months now about this exact position, specifying that this is exactly what our team needs, and that this is exactly what I want to do. So, pretty much, I feel like the opportunity was created just for me. This position is one that could be done remotely, but, I struggle with how to approach my boss with that option. I know it is probably going to be a difficult argument for her to make to her boss, so I’m not sure how detailed I should get when I bring it up, to make the argument a valid one.

Do I just keep the question high level, asking is there a possibility that this position could be a remote position? Or do I get detailed and explain my circumstance? I don’t want to make her nervous and make her feel that I am a flight risk, but I also don’t want it to seem like I just want to move to Tampa for no significant reason.

This isn’t a deal breaker, as I want the job either way, but I don’t want to miss a potential opportunity for me to relocate with her by possibly not explaining the situation enough. As a manager, what are your thoughts? Keep it high level or explain my personal situation?

Apply for the job, now. Don’t mention Tampa. If, and only if, your partner is offered and accepts the Tampa job should you raise the question about whether doing the job remotely would be possible. You don’t want to raise concerns about you leaving the area before you know that you really need to.

5. Employer is changing my pay rate every week to avoid paying overtime

My employer changed me from salary to hourly because my job is non-exempt. I was told my pay would stay the same. Everything is cool!

I worked my week just as I normally would to get my job done and of course I had overtime. My employer reduced my hourly rate so my paycheck stayed the same. And the next week I worked less hours and my pay again changed so I got paid the same. Is this legal?

What! No. They cannot muck around with your pay rate in order to avoid paying you overtime. They cannot change your pay rate retroactively either. It sounds like they don’t quite understand what non-exempt means — or that they understand only half of it.

Go to your manager and say, “Hey, I looked into this, and we can’t change my pay rate each week to avoid paying overtime. Do you want me to just limit myself to 40 hours a week so that the company doesn’t end up needing to pay for overtime?”