Ask a Manager

It’s five short answers to five short questions. Here we go…

1. I was written up for foul language when I wasn’t even working

Recently two coworkers and I went to a local fast food place for lunch. Someone overheard our private conversation and complained to corporate about our “foul language.” (They identified us because one coworker had a company shirt on, and the complainant was able to describe me and the other coworker.) We were off the clock, off of company property, and one coworker and I were not wearing our uniforms. The person who was wearing a uniform actually didn’t even say anything bad, yet we were all written up.

My written warning states that I was using foul language while wearing a company uniform. I initially refused to sign the write-up, but was told that if I didn’t, I would face an immediate 3-day suspension followed by termination.

I could understand if I was in uniform, but I wasn’t. How does this not infringe on my constitutional right of freedom of speech? And if someone decides they don’t like me, they can just call my job and complain about me, just to get me into trouble? How is this legal?

Well, it’s legal because your employer can discipline or fire you for pretty much anything they want, as long as it’s not because of your race, gender, religion, national origin, or membership in another protected class and as long as it does violate a handful of other (fairly narrowly) defined protections (for instance, you can’t be fired for organizing around wages and working conditions, or in retaliation for exercising a legally protected workplace right, such as reporting harassment). And while you do indeed have a constitutional right to free speech, it protects speech from being censored by the government; it doesn’t regulate what private entities can do. In private entities, there are no across-the-board free speech protections. So, yes, this is all legal. (Whether it’s reasonable of your employer is a different matter.)

I wouldn’t refuse to sign the write-up; that just makes you look belligerent, as long as the signing is to indicate receipt only (not agreement). I’d sign it but add a note saying “signing to acknowledge receipt, not agreement with facts.” And I’d also tell your manager — politely and calmly — that you were not in a uniform, but understand now that because your coworker was, you needed to be more careful than you normally would be. Which is actually a pretty reasonable conclusion.

2. Explaining attendance issues in a past job

I have a big black mark in my job history. My first serious job, and the one I worked at the longest (7 years) ended because I had severe attendance problems. (When I say severe, I mean that I just stopped going to work.) There were multiple issues – depression, a sudden neurological disorder that affected every part of my life, as well as a very bad reaction to the medications for the disorder. Regardless, the whole thing is inexcusable.

I’m doing much better now and have references to attest to that, but those those references come from jobs that were under the umbrella of a staffing agency, so I didn’t work at any of them for very long – 4 months is the shortest, though I’m going on 2 years at my current position. Unfortunately, that position will never become permanent.

How do I handle this with prospective employers? Should I mention it in an interview? Should I wait to mention it until my references are requested, but risk an employer calling my old boss and finding out about the attendance problem cold? It would be completely justified for an employer to reject me on this basis, but I want to do what I can to mitigate that risk.

I would start by calling your old employer and seeing if you can work something out regarding the reference that they’ll give you. If you haven’t been in touch with them since you stopped showing up (to apologize and explain that it was due to health issues that got out of control), do that first.

You don’t need to bring this up on your own in interviews, but if you’re asked why you left that job, explain that you had a health issue that has since been resolved. That’s going to sound reasonable to most people.

3. I interviewed with a cold

Through the help of this website, I have been successful in getting interviews as I seek a job in a different city. One interview made it to the point where they flew me out to their city (in my industry this is not standard). Right before the interview I got a cold. Nothing truly debilitating, but I definitely qualified as “sick.” I decided that I did not wish to cancel all of the travel arrangements over a cold, but when I showed up to the interview, I knew that it was possibly evident in my voice and that I’d likely need to blow my nose 2-3 times (which was a correct guess).

My judgement of the situation was that I did not want to draw attention to being ill, especially that I had been traveling while sick. Where my question goes is in regards to hand shaking. I opted to just shake hands. However, had any of my interviewers been hardcore germaphobes – I presume that by the time they perhaps figured out that I did have some mild congestion – it might have backfired.

I guess that my decision wasn’t too off as they’ve proceeded to checking my references. However, should a similar situation happen again – is there an easy way out of hand shaking without drawing too much attention to “I’m ILLL.” I know that part of my concern comes from being a woman, and wanting to avoid coming across as weak (particularly in an interview). But in the interest of presenting the overall best impression possible, would there have been another way to go?

In general, if you think you’re contagious, you should reschedule. But if you go anyway — and I can understand why you did in this case, since there were travel arrangements involved (and if the cold wasn’t terrible, I think that was reasonable) — you need to take precautions to avoid infecting others, including not shaking hands. You can simply say, “I’m not going to shake your hand because I’ve had a very mild cold — I feel fine but I don’t want to risk you getting it.” That doesn’t look weak; it looks considerate.

4. How can I follow up with people who didn’t attend a course they signed up for?

At my church, we hosted a course and wrote letters of invitation to over 100 students, one month in advance. Some who responded and confirmed they would be attending did not attend. They did not send a courtesy email in advance or an email of apology after the course date.

As an administrator in my day job, repeat offenders who do not attend and do not let us know are sent a letter a copy of letter to their doctor to say “we have discharged your patient back to your care.” Please advise how I can construct a letter to the students who did not attend the church course, to politely communicate to them that they should have had the courtesy to email us that they would not be attending.

I’d drop the idea of sending this letter at all. It’s pretty common in free courses that some people won’t show up. (Hell, on free webinars, I think the attendance rate is usually something like 50% of everyone who signed up.) If it’s going to inconvenience you or cost you money to have some people not show up after RSVPing that they will, then you might consider how you modify things on your side — for instance, it might make sense to confirm with people a few days before the course, or to plan around the assumption that some particular portion won’t show up, or to stress in the original communication why you need to be alerted if they need to cancel. But chastising people for not attending and not apologizing to you is likely to alienate them, which probably isn’t what a church wants to be doing.

5. Mentioning experiences to an interview that aren’t on my resume

I’ve been at my second job out of college (thanks largely to your advice!) for a few months now, and I’m currently updating my resume. The internships/part-time work during college are taking up quite a bit of space–4 positions at 2-3 lines each adds up! The only value they really demonstrate at this point is that I’ve worked with various unique populations in a human services capacity, and I want to be able to feature this as (I think) it brings significant value to my future applications.

I had considered cutting them out and listing the various populations I have experience working with into the profile section in a denser format. When asked about a particular population during an interview, would it be considered odd or disingenuous to then say that that particular experience was from a job not listed on the resume? Is there some other solution you would suggest?

Nope, that’s not odd. It’s impossible to list every experience you’ve had on your resume (and it would be unwise to try), so it’s normal to have things come up in an interview that aren’t specifically addressed on a resume.

However, another option would be to leave those positions on, but just list them as Title, Employer, Dates, without any further description of what you did there (assuming that you have more substantive descriptions of the two more recent jobs, which of course you do). That way they’d each take up one line each. You could then mention the populations you worked with in your profile section, as you mentioned.

It’s five short answers to five short questions. Here we go…

1. I was hired as a change agent, but now my manager is backtracking

I was recently hired as a change agent designed to bring a new skill set into a well-established department. My manager identified several areas for performance improvements during the interview process. I’ve made an effort to learn about those areas and be delicate when making suggestions or asking questions.

However, it seems that my manager has changed her mind because the team doesn’t want to change anything or learn anything new. She’s no longer open to these things that were said to be necessary. Most of the team has been here for 20 or 30 years and usually rejects my expertise. The response is always “We’ve always done it this way.” This responsibility is half of my new job and I’m not sure how to proceed without any buy-in.

Being a new person charged with making change is close to impossible to do if you don’t have the full and visible backing of your management. Your manager has to have your back here — has to be willing to show your team that she’s on board with the changes you’re trying to make and to back that up with action if you encounter chronic resistance. Sure, there are things you can do around the edges — shrinking the change into smaller chunks, showing your coworkers how it will benefit them, getting one person on board and then showing others’ their success, etc. — but ultimately you need your manager behind you.

Since she’s backtracked, you need to find out why. Does she just fold in the face of opposition? (If so, this is a terrible sign for your prospects at this work.) Or does she have concerns about the approach you’ve been using. (If so, you want to hear more about those and see if you can use her insights to modify the way you’re doing this.) But I’d be very, very wary about what you’re seeing from her.

2. Do I have to disclose to interviewers that I’m thinking about grad school?

I’m in the process of applying to master’s programs that will take two years to complete. The program that I would most like to attend is located in my current city, and there’s a possibility that I could go to school and work full-time if I am admitted. I’ve also considered deferring if I can land a job in my field and get more experience before going to grad school. Obviously nothing’s nailed down yet. What are the ethical considerations for this situation? If the interviewer asks me where I see myself in a couple years, it feels dishonest to not mention grad school. However, I feel that if I disclose that I might leave the job after 7 months or so, I’d rightfully be out of the running. But, like I said, it’s not a guarantee that I will leave after such a short period. What do you recommend?

If you were absolutely sure that you would be attending grad school in seven months, I agree with you that it would be unethical not to mention it. However, you don’t have solid plans at this point — you’re considering options, and it sounds like if you landed in a job that gave you useful experience, you’d stay in it for at least a couple of years. In light of that, this is similar to how you wouldn’t need to disclose to an interviewer that you and your partner would love to move to Alaska in a couple of years. You might, you might not, and it will depend heavily on how a number of factors go, including the job you’re interviewing for. So no, as long as you’re not sure what you plan to do, you’re not obligated to disclose it.

That said, I’d listen to what they say about the type of tenure they want the person they hire to have. If you hear that people don’t start making an impact in the position until the second year, for instance, you’d want to factor that into your decisions (which would mean not taking that job unless you were willing to go into it planning on staying a while).

3. Are small gifts appropriate for my staff?

Seriously not trying to beat a dead horse, but I was promoted just a few months ago over people I have worked with for a few years. They are a great team of 4 people and I wanted to ask about gift giving etiquette. I want to do small gifts, such as $10 gift cards. Is this appropriate for the amount of time I have been supervising them? Or is it so small that it looks insulting? Money is somewhat tight this year for our family and I think it would be a stretch to do any more than this. Office culture in the past has been around double to triple this dollar amount coming from our boss.

Nope, that’s totally appropriate. Most people aren’t looking for expensive gifts from their managers, and something small is absolutely fine. (So is doing something like bringing in food for the group and telling everyone how much you appreciated their work this year.) When people want large gifts, they usually want them in the form of a bonus from the company (not from you personally), and that’s only if the company culture (or history, or explicit statements) has led them to expect/hope for one.

4. Simultaneously using someone as a reference while interviewing with them for a job

I have an interview with the first company this week. If I advance to the next stage, they’re likely to ask for my references. They will presumably ask for a reference from the place where I’ve most recently interned, where I’ve had the most significant experience, and which is the most recognizable organization on my resume. However, I’ve also applied to a position at that second company, the one where I interned (haven’t heard back yet but I’m hopeful).

Should I hear back from the second company, the person who would be my interviewer and direct supervisor is the same person who was my supervisor during my internship — the person who would be the reference I’m offering to the first company. Is this more of an issue than I’m making it out to be? If I do move on with the first company, should I supply the name of my reference from the second company as if I haven’t applied there as well? Or should I insist on providing a substitute reference? If it’s the latter, how exactly should I explain that to the interviewer?

Your old internship manager, the one who you’re applying for a job with now, knows that you’re applying for other jobs too. (And in fact hopes that you are — no one wants to think they’re the prospect a candidate is pinning all their hopes on.) It’s completely fine to simultaneously interview with her and use her as a reference for another job.

5. When dealing with a search firm, should I resubmit a cover letter to explain my deal-breakers?

I have been in the job market for about 6 months. Thankfully, I have a decent job while I am actively searching for a new career. After a few interviews with a couple different employers, and rejection letters/emails, I took the advice of a trusted friend and some advice on your blog about using a professional search firm. I found three in my area and after careful consideration (and somewhat of analysis paralysis of wondering if I should use a search firm), I polished my resume and submitted to all three firms, along with filling out their own questionaires on their webpages, etc.

I submitted it, and the next day realized I didn’t submit a cover letter to any of them. The reason I didn’t is because they didn’t ask for it. I somewhat thought the questionaire about goals, salary range, type of jobs, etc. I thought was their version of finding the key information they wanted.

I do have a couple deal-breakers in my job search in terms of no-relocation, no interest in one type of industry in our town and won’t leave unless my salary expectations are met. Should that have been included in a letter to a search firm? I was under the impression that I would be either meeting with them in person to discuss goals or have a phone call at some point in the near future. I thought a cover letter explaining what types of jobs I was looking for, salary range, along with my skill set seemed to not make sense for a search firm. I have never used a search firm and am unsure about how a few things work. Did I mess this up by not including a cover letter? Should I resubmit?

Nah, this is fine. Deal-breakers don’t usually belong in a cover letter, whether you’re dealing with search firms or employers. You can cover that information with them if they contact you.

It’s five short answers to five short questions. Here we go…

1. We have to meet with our manager to discuss the negative feedback we gave about her on a staff survey

I’d love to be able to benefit from your advice on how my coworkers and I should handle an upcoming discussion with our manager about the results of a staff survey.

We are a department of five people and our manager has been with us for over five years. Simply put, she is incompetent: disorganized, forgetful, tentative and timid yet often officious, easily threatened, and the list goes on. In spite of her, we function quite well as a department and only involve her in our work when it can’t be avoided. Many of us have voiced our complaints over the years to our manager’s manager. For whatever reason, there doesn’t seem to be any desire to change the situation though our manager has received a great deal of coaching on how to do her job better, but to little avail.

We recently completed our annual staff survey about our workplace. For the first time, we collectively decided to be brutally honest in the questions that asked for opinions on our manager’s performance, etc. The next step is apparently that we all meet with her to discuss the results, particularly those that are most negative (i.e. the ones about her). She will be looking for constructive feedback. I anticipate a very awkward meeting particularly since most of our complaints aren’t about easily fixable problems but seem to address the core of her very personality (at least her “work” personality).

All the usual advice I have read is about how managers should deliver poor performance evaluations to their staff. But do you have any advice about how staff is supposed to address poor performance in their manager in a scenario like this? Is there anything to be gained from asking HR for guidance? I believe an HR person will be attending to facilitate. Do you have opinions on how these kinds of performance conversations should be handled or what the framework for them should be?

Your employer is making you all meet with your manager to discuss the negative critiques you gave her in your staff survey? What the hell? That is not the way to handle this. If anything, someone else should be meeting with you all to dig more deeply into the issues you reported.

I don’t see how this meeting is going to go well, and that’s doubly true when she apparently works for someone who has heard complaints about her in the past and chosen not to act. What are the possible outcomes of this meeting? That your boss becomes more competent, less forgetful, more organized, and a better manager? That doesn’t seem likely. I can’t imagine what they’re thinking in asking you to do this.

2. Does contacting HR on LinkedIn make you stand out or is it just annoying?

There is a lot of advice out there about how to stand out and score that first interview. Some people recommend sending messages to the HR person via LinkedIn. Is this something that makes you stand out or just annoying?

There are so many advice articles out there and, if you haven’t been on the job market for a while, it’s hard to tell whether it’s bad advice or if times have just changed.

Contacting HR outside the normal application channels is unlikely to do anything; they’re likely to tell you to apply using their normal methods. Contacting the hiring manager can have more effect, but whether it does depends on (a) how strong your candidacy is and (b) the individual hiring manager. Some hiring managers will be annoyed no matter what, some won’t pay any attention to the message at all, some will just tell you to apply, and some will take a look at your resume — and if it’s strong, it’s possible that it could help you. But if it’s strong and you write a great cover letter, you’re likely to get looked at anyway, without the risk of annoying people.

You’re better off using LinkedIn in a different way: to see whether anyone in your network is connected to the employer you want to work for, and having them either put in a good word for you or make a personal connection to someone there.

3. How can I change fields when employers want to hire people with experience I don’t have?

I’m currently working as a contractor in a position that has no possibility of becoming permanent (at least it doesn’t appear to be that way). I have been interviewing for permanent position outside of the company because, although I would like to work here, my current position is not related to my degree or interest. I have come close to getting job offers but no offers. The common thread between the outcome of the interviews is that the potential employer has chosen to go with someone else who is currently in or has been in a similar position in the past.

My contract position is very different from the typical communication roles that I am applying for and I feel like it’s holding me back. Do you have any advice on how to go from a very technical support based position to an entry-level communications position?

It’s hard! In a tight job market like this one, employers have plenty of well-trained candidates who have already worked in the field. That means that even though you might feel that you could excel at the job if just given the chance, employers don’t have much of an incentive to take a chance on you.

What you might try instead is finding a way to combine the two. For instance, look at communications roles where a tech background would be an asset — in applying for those roles, you’ll have a qualification that a lot of other candidates won’t.

4. Asking to work from home a few days a week

I started my new job 3 months ago at a company with many employees working virtually around the world. During the interview process, I thought (based on conversations in my multiple interviews) that even though I live somewhat near to a satellite office, I could work from home a few days a week. I asked for clarification during the offer process and was told that when training was complete, we could talk again about working from home. I’ve asked to work from home a couple of days so far because I had been tasked with a major, time-sensitive project (and I was allowed to do so), but there’s no established schedule for ongoing virtual work.

There’s no set training schedule here, but I feel very comfortable in my new role. And, since most other workers work virtually or in another state, I communicate via phone/email/IM instead of in-person anyway. Is it too soon to ask to work from home? What should I say when asking?

I’d wait another few months, and then say, “You asked me to raise the prospect of working from home a few days a week once my training was finished. Would you be open to trying it now?” The reason I’d wait a few more months is that at three months, you’re still very new, and your manager is still getting to know you and your work ethic. Also, by asking that early, you risk looking overly focused on it, versus focused on the job. Wait until you’re more settled there and then raise it again.

5. Should I use a more Anglo-sounding name?

I am a soon-to-be graduate and I have been showing my resume to people for critique. One person suggested that I should have a more “Anglo-sounding” name next to my legal name, which as you can see is pretty ethnic. Her rationale is that many hiring managers only spend 10 seconds on a resume and they are gravitating toward familiar names. It was somewhat disheartening to hear but I have to admit her explanation seem to make sense. I answer to Susie with my family and friends but professionally I always go with my first name.

Do you agree with her? I would love to hear what you have to say on this subject.

There is indeed a bunch of data showing that applicants with Anglo-sounding names are more likely to get hired. This is messed up but true. But whether or not you change the name on your resume as a result is a personal decision — there are arguments each way, and some will resonate with you more than others.

That said, if you’re already going by Susie with family and friends, there’s more of a case for doing it professionally too. In general, I tend to think it makes sense to use the name you’re known by in the rest of your life in the professional realm as well, unless there’s some specific reason not to. (But doing that will make lots of things easier; for instance, when the guy on your weekend volleyball wants to recommend you for a job at his company, you want him to refer to you by the same name that the company is going to see on your resume.)

It’s five short answers to five short questions. Here we go…

1. Am I right to be concerned about this job prospect?

I am getting ready to graduate with my bachelor’s degree in two weeks. A networking contact of mine recently arranged for me to interview at a Fortune 500 company where he works. He is a director at this corporation, and I met with him and a fellow director in the same department. I liked what I saw in the company; they have a vision that I am in agreement with, and at a high level, I was excited about the projects I saw underway and how this department worked with (instead of for) the business to facilitate its goals. The meeting went very well, so it was decided to proceed to a formal interview.

When I arrived for the interview, the first person I was supposed to meet didn’t show up; they were out of town and had been inadvertently scheduled. Then HR arrived and began discussing burnout issues in the company and how stressful the work environment could be. I certainly caught the hint, and was a bit concerned, but felt that I had worked in similar environments before, so if I had a good manager, I should be able to get up to speed quickly.

The manager came in next. It seemed difficult to establish rapport with him. I wasn’t getting any feedback from my responses and that flustered me (really, more than I should have allowed it to). When it came time for me to ask questions, he was unable to answer what my responsibilities in the position would be, what my priorities would be, or how what a successful team member looked like to him. He also mentioned that he was a new manager.

In short, I’m seeing several red flags here. I think the major concern would be that this would be my first professional position and I am still unclear what the expectations would be, and my short time in trying to communicate with the person I would be reporting to was not as productive as I would have liked. Balancing those concerns is the state of the current job market and a probable case of impostor syndrome on my part. So, I’d like your opinion – am I over thinking this, or should I hold out for a better opportunity?

A manager who can’t answer questions, describe what work you’d be doing, or what success would look like is a huge red flag. What was his demeanor about all this? If he seemed to get that this was problematic and indicated that it was due to him being new to the role himself but that he’d be ironing these details out in the near future, that could be a mitigating factor — in that case, I’d want to check in with him on what had been solidified before accepting the job. But if he seemed nonchalant about it, as if he didn’t realize or didn’t care that what he was saying was a big problem, that is a glaring DANGER sign.

2. Asking to work remotely

For the last year, I’ve worked in a small department that has gone through some changes recently. Onsite, we have the VP, myself and one other employee. We also have two employees who used to be onsite but now work remotely since relocating with their husbands. Another full-time employee is due to come in a month, and a part-time employee may come on if it fits the budget.

I’ve also been in a long-distance relationship for the past 4 years and although everything’s going well, I’m getting tired of delaying the next step (wedding bells) and fully enjoying our relationship because our jobs haven’t allowed us to get remotely close to one another. It’s also a strain on our time and finances to fly to see one another every 3 months or so. Relocating to his town would be wonderful, but it’s very small and I haven’t had any luck in my job search there. There’s a small possibility he could relocate here, but it hasn’t happened as expected. He makes double what I do and loves his job, unlike me (due to issues with my only on-site co-worker).

I would love to have the option of working remotely and, since we have two remote employees now, I figure there’s at least a small chance of it being a possibility for me. How can I bring this up to my VP? If he says yes, then great. But if he says no, I don’t want to be out of a job or for him to think I’m trying to get out of here. Is there a way to word it so I can have the best of both worlds?

I’d float the idea as something that you don’t have definite plans for, and that you’re not planning on doing in the near future. As in: “I don’t have any immediate plans for this, but in thinking long-term, if I ever wanted to move to be in the same city as Bob, would continuing to stay in my role, but from Montana, be a possibility?” (Of course, if you take this approach, you can’t come back the next day and say you’ve decided to move … but you could do it in some amount of time less than a year.)

3. Can I ask to have my title changed?

I was hired at a company five and a half months ago as a Junior Copywriter. Upon my hiring, my boss was promoted to Senior Copywriter. He was subsequently fired a few months later. I’m now the only writer on staff, and would very much like to simply be titled as “Copywriter.” I’m six years into my writing career and believe this makes sense, plus my workload has increased two-fold since the shift. Is it appropriate to ask for a change of title?

Theoretically, sure … but you’ve only been there five and a half months, which is very early to ask for a title change, even though your workload has shifted. And I’m especially wary of you doing it after the person who presumably hired you was just fired, since you don’t know what might be going on. I’d hold off for a little while, show that you’re awesome, and then raise it in a few months. (Also, are they replacing your boss? If so, you’d want to wait for that person to start and get the lay of the land first.)

4. When should I ask my contact to put in a good word for me?

I recently came across a job that sounds absolutely perfect for me, and I’m incredibly excited to apply. Using your cover letter tips, I think I’ve written a decent cover letter, and I certainly feel I’m qualified. However I am nervous, as all job seekers are, that my resume and cover letter will be thrown into a pile with all the others.

I have a contact who works in the same field who knows people at this company I would like to work for. At what point should I ask them if they would be willing to put in a good word for me? When I submit my application? If I get an interview? I’ve been unemployed since graduation in May and REALLY want this job!

Ask them right after you submit your application, to increase your chances of being called for an interview. Once you’re being interviewed, it’s really going to be all about your own merit (unless your contact knows your work really well and knows the interviewer really well and can vouch for you), but at the resume-screening stage, simply having someone they know and respect say “Hey, you should take a look at Rosamund Bloopfly, who just applied for your XYZ job; she’s smart and talented and would be a good fit” can be what gets you called for an interview.

5. Can I explain to interviewers that my current company doesn’t care about employees?

When job searching, if someone asks why you’re leaving a company, is it a bad idea to tell them my current company doesn’t care about its employees and doesn’t seem to reward hard work? (I’ve heard from various people that top management doesn’t care about employees and the attitude is pretty blatant through the review system and interactions I’ve had).

Yes, that is a bad idea. Badmouthing a previous employer is a deal-breaker for many interviewers.