Ask a Manager

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My manager has crippling anxiety

I am a paralegal, and the attorney I directly report to has an anxiety disorder. If a stressful situation arises (which, being an attorney, is every day), he freezes and cannot think of anything. For example, an expert’s office moved to a different suite and, thus, his directions were wrong. Instead of thinking to call the doctor’s office for directions, he simply called me, panicking. I couldn’t get a word in edgewise over statements of, “I can’t believe this is happening,” “What am I going to do,” and “Oh God, oh God.” I think it is clear that this is to the point where it is difficult for us to progress in cases when he has one of his spells. Everything comes to a screeching halt while he panics at me.

I tried to find information online about how to work with him, but it’s all for spouses or close friends and is clearly inappropriate. I do know that he is seeking medical help. But, while he goes through the slow process of learning to cope with stress, what can I do to help get our work done?

Well, probably very little. This isn’t your problem to handle, and it’s not one you can solve. You can certainly ask, “Is there anything I can do in these situations to be more helpful?” and you can focus on being calm, helpful, and really on top of things, but beyond that, this one is outside your sphere of control.

2. Should I put modeling work on my resume?

I graduated in 2010 with an honors business degree from a top business school. After that, I worked for a couple years in an HR consulting firm, eventually moved up to assistant marketing manager. A modeling opportunity came along, and I quit my job to pursue it. Two years later, I now want to get back into the marketing world and have been job-hunting for a couple months. My goal is to get into a medium or large company doing marketing again.

From a management/hiring perspective, should I include my modeling experience on my resume? There are aspects in modeling that use my marketing skills, but at the same time, I feel there might be a certain stigma associated with the profession. This has been bothering me for the longest time and no one seems to have an answer.

Normally, I’d say that not to include it because generally it has the potential to harm more than help (by triggering people’s biases about the modeling industry), but in your case I’d probably include it — largely because you’re going to need to explain what you were doing the last two years, but also because marketing is a field where the experience is more likely to be seen as advantageous — or at least not harmful.

3. Can I ask an employer about the ages of their employees?

When interviewing for a job, how do I ask about the age of other employees without, well, asking it? I have an interview coming up for a job that so far seems like a great fit. In my next job, it’s really important that there are a solid amount of employees that are close to my age (I’m mid-20s) and there is socializing outside of work. In my past 2 positions, I have been in offices with less than 30 people and almost everyone is more than a generation ahead of me. I feel silly about this since I know work isn’t supposed to be a party but I feel like this is a major cause of my unhappiness so far in my career. I’m not looking for new BFFs, but it would be nice to actually have a couple friends at work. I’m not really sure how to ask about this since, due to my industry, I’m probably the only one in this position at any given company. Is there any appropriate way to ask this question or get this information?

You can certainly ask about the culture, and try to get a feel for the environment during your time in their offices, but no, I can’t think of a direct way to ask about the age of their employees without giving the impression that your priorities are a bit out of whack and that you’re going to be spending too much time socializing at work. You could, however, ask to talk to people who are peer-level with the job you’re interviewing for (probably waiting until you have an offer to do this), and you could really drill them on culture issues.

But I’ve got to ask: It’s reasonable to want to be able to click with the people you work with, but are you sure that means that they have to be in your same age group or that there has to be lots of outside-of-work socializing? Would you really not be happy somewhere warm and friendly but without a bunch of happy hours? I’m a big proponent of “know what you want and screen jobs accordingly,” so if a job with lots of out-of-work socializing is what you want, you should certainly go after it — but depending on your field, it might end up being a limiting factor that takes away career options you’d otherwise have. Is it important enough to you that you’re willing to make that trade-off? Ultimately, if those things are really important to you, there are fields that will have more of it than others — but I’d urge you to look instead for a culture that feels comfortable to you, aside from ages and social activities.

4. What info is helpful to relay to managers about their staff who run volunteer projects for me?

I oversee a group of full-time employees who volunteer to run projects in our organization that are outside their job descriptions. They report to me in their volunteer capacity. I want to be able to evaluate their performance both for their own growth, but also to share the great things they are doing with their managers during annual performance reviews. What information do you think managers would find valuable?

It’s hard to get specific without knowing more specifics, but in general, it’s probably going to be most valuable if you focus on what makes them especially good at the work, areas that have posed more of a challenge, skills they’re using/developing, and any particular areas of progress that you’ve noted over time.

5. What do I say to a contact’s contact when I’m applying with their organization?

I’m going to apply for a job at a particular place, and a former mentor knows someone who has been working there for some 20 years. The mentor said I should get in touch with this person. How should I do that? Do I just send an email out of the blue that says “Hi, I used to work for so-and-so, and I’m applying for (job) at (location) .” And if that’s a good introduction, then what comes next? The application process is all handled online, so it’s not like I can ask this person to pass along my resume.

Apply online, but then email the contact separately and say something like: “I used to work for Jane Smith, and she suggested that I contact you about the XYZ job that Teapots Inc. is currently hiring for. I applied online, but I’m attaching my materials here as well, and I’d love to talk if you think I might be a good fit for the role.” (And then, obviously, attach the resume and cover letter that you submitted online.)

If this person is involved in hiring for the position, they’ll take it from there. If they’re not, they might forward your stuff to the person who is, give you some other piece of advice, or do nothing. But this is basically how you’d want to lead it off.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. How to avoid socializing with a coworker’s kid at the office

Sometimes parents bring children into work and then proceed to socialize while the kid pokes/digs/plays around the office, kind of half-expecting the other women in the office to “watch” him or her. My letter is not so much to ask you whether or not it is appropriate to bring a baby or child to the office, but about the best way of saying, “I don’t care to meet your newborn” or “I will not be held responsible for your child’s actions while you are not looking.” I don’t care to participate in fawning over someone’s kid at the office, and I would like a polite way to get out of this kind of child-centered gathering. I hoped you might have a better way of saying, “I am not interested in your kid.” It seems like an ordinary, “That’s nice but I have to get back to work” isn’t sufficient.

Nope, there’s no polite way to say “I don’t care to meet your child,” just like there’s no polite way to say, “I don’t care to meet your adult guest who stopped by the office.” So I’d drop any hope of that entirely. However, you certainly aren’t obligated to engage beyond an initial polite greeting, and you can extract yourself from further conversation in the same ways that you would in other contexts where you’re busy — by demonstrating or saying that you have something else you need to attend to.

For instance: “It’s so nice to meet you! I hope you’re having a good time here.” Then, turn back to computer screen, papers, etc. If interrupted further, respond politely, then add, “I have to finish this up so can’t talk, but it’s great to meet you, Percival!” You must use a kind tone during this, just as you’d have to use a kind tone if it were an adult guest to the office. And if a parent expects you to watch her child for her, say politely, “Jane, I’m going to be tied up on a project, so you should take Percival with you. Thanks!”

In other words, just politely assert boundaries just as you would if kids weren’t involved.

2. I want my employees to try to find answers themselves

I’ve recently become a supervisor at my workplace and I oversee two millennials, both of whom are really great workers and I’m thrilled overall to have them. They both do one thing that really annoys me – when they don’t know how to do something, they immediately ask. I am talking fairly inane things, e.g., how do you tell what page size a poster is in Microsoft Powerpoint or how you drag and drop a folder. They are such bright people that it really surprises me they wouldn’t automatically think to search how to do these things on the internet before coming to me for help. I would like to politely suggest they do this but I’m wondering what the right way to phrase such a thing is. Any ideas?

Be direct! This is hard when you’re a new manager because it’s a new skill that you have to learn, but giving feedback and direction isn’t a rude thing and you don’t need to sugarcoat it. In fact, you will be a worse manager if you do sugarcoat, because your employees will miss messages and have to wonder what your subtext is. Don’t be a jerk, obviously, but saying things directly is not rude.

So just say exactly what you want. For instance, “I’m always glad to help when you need it, but I’d like you to try finding the answer yourself before you come to me. Have you tried Googling this or checking the Help menu of the application?” From there, if they come to you with questions that you think they could have answered themselves, ask, “What have you tried so far to find the answer?”

3. My manager told me to take guests for dinner but not to pay for it with a corporate card

I just started in my new position at the same company three weeks ago. Our company had two out-of-town business people in for a meeting. I was told to take them out for dinner but not to use my corporate credit card to pay for it because our department does not have approval for things such as this. I work at a Fortune 500 company, and my old department never had such a restriction.

Needless to say, the end of dinner was incredibly awkward. I couldn’t afford to put this business dinner on my own personal credit card (the bill was over $150), nor did I want to start a precedent of doing so. I ended up going to the bathroom, and one of the company’s guests paid for it all while I was gone. I felt embarrassed but didn’t know what else to do! Any help on how to handle the situation in the future would be great!

If this happens again, don’t go the dinner knowing that you can’t pay, because that will set up the awkward situation that you ended up in this time. If it happens again, get some clarity from your manager first. I’d say something like, “I feel awkward inviting them out if the company won’t pay for their meals — how do you normally handle this?”

If it turns out that she expects you personally to cover their meals, that’s absolutely not okay, but I’m thinking there might be some other expectation here that you won’t figure out until you talk to her. In general, when you’re feeling really awkward and uncertain about something your manager asks you do, ask. You’ll often get information that will make things clearer.

4. Salary offer is less than I expected

I was recently interviewed (4 times now) for a job I was very excited about. I completed an online application for the job, and I know the starting wage was what I was looking for. When I looked at the job posting a few days later, the starting pay was gone. I didn’t think anything of it at that time, until I got the job offer. They have offered me a pay rate that is $8,000 lower than I expected.

There is absolutely no way I can leave my current job for less than what I expect. I am very qualified for the position, and the prospective employer is fully aware that I am currently employed by a great company, with full time benefits, and a union contract. My attraction for the newer position I am considering is I that have a very long commute to work, and the new job would be a virtual position.

How do I gracefully turn down the position I am being offered? They are very nice people, but I cannot leave a solid job for less money.

Well, salary offers aren’t always firm, and some employers assume you’ll negotiate. So you shouldn’t just turn this down; you should talk to them about the salary. Say directly to them: “I’m very interested in the position, but I can’t leave my current position for the salary you’re offering. Could you do $X instead?”

Also, if you haven’t already, make sure that you factor into your thinking on salary that if you’re working from home in the new job, you’ll save money on gas and probably business clothes.

5. How to end a cover letter

Could you please recommend a professional way to end a cover letter? is it professional to use this: “P.S. Thank you for taking the time to read my cover letter. I honestly believe I’m the perfect fit for this position. I’d welcome the opportunity to schedule an interview at your convenience. Please call me on 000 000 00.”

Meh, that stuff about honestly believing you’re the perfect fit isn’t great, and there’s no need at all for a P.S. Drop the P.S. entirely and just end the letter with something like: “I’d love to schedule a time to talk about the position. Thank you for your consideration.”

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Covering the phones is interfering with my ability to do my job

I’ve been at my new company for about three months now as a social media coordinator. When I interviewed for the position, there was no mention for the occasional need to cover for the position to cover the phones, but I’ve been asked to “watch the phones” multiple times a week. Our new receptionist leaves every day at 2 pm and my coworker and I are being repeatedly asked to assume her duties. However, I am now in a position where I’m involved with multiple projects and don’t really have the time to answer phones or walk to the back of the office to let someone know he has a call on Line 2. Furthermore, I’ve noticed that they’ve only asked the female employees (there are 7 of us) to cover the phones.

Is it appropriate for me to say something along the lines of, “Hey, I understand you need someone to cover the phones after Sally leaves at 2 pm, but due to my work with Chocolate Teapots, assisting with Vanilla Teapots, analyzing Peppermint Teapots, and writing copy for Butterscotch Teapots, I’m afraid answering the phones will interfere with my ability to get work done for our clients. Also, as I haven’t been trained on how to use the phone system, I’m not comfortable with being given the task of answering the phones.”

I wouldn’t say it like that, because your wording is too close to “I’m telling you what my job is.” You want wording more like: “Covering the phones after Sally leaves makes it hard to get client work done, especially projects that require focus. Are there other solutions we could use instead?” (Say this to your manager, even if it’s someone else who’s asking you to cover the phones. Your manager is the one most likely to resolve this.)

And if you’re told no, then you say: “I’ve noticed phone coverage is only split between the women at my level. Could we include Bob and Apollo in the rotation as well?” (Note: Bob and Apollo must be the same professional level as you; if they’re more senior, this isn’t reasonable to ask — and isn’t a gender issue.)

2. I’m entry-level and have no idea what salary range to expect

I got a call about a job I applied to where the hiring person said they were impressed with my cover letter and resume, and they wanted to know what my salary range was. I told them I didn’t know what a reasonable salary range was because I didn’t have direct experience and all the similar jobs I’d looked at that listed hourly rates required a high school diploma while this one required a BA. They kept pressing me to tell them what salary would make me happy, and I kept saying I wasn’t sure what was reasonable and thought I’d lowball myself since the other positions I’ve been looking at had a different education requirement. (I’m a recent grad and I’m entry level, so I’m not sure why they needed a salary range anyway. Shouldn’t someone who’s entry level not need to negotiate salary?) They dropped it and moved on to other questions. I realize I screwed up and don’t expect to hear back from them.

For future reference though: Is there any way to say you don’t know what a reasonable salary range would be because you just don’t know what is typical for a specific job, but are open to hearing what they’d be willing to offer, without getting rejected? Or is it better to just throw out a random number even if you have no clue? (I know you’re supposed to research salary levels, but I’ve been looking at a wide range of jobs outside of my field of study and can’t become an expert in All The Jobs overnight.)

Well, first, the person you talked to was being silly for insisting that you name a range when you’d made it clear that you had no idea what range you’re looking for. That said, saying “I have no idea what a job like this should pay” doesn’t look great either. Ideally you want to have some idea going into the conversation (even just talking to people who work in that field can help).

In any case, in the future I’d say, “I’ve seen a range of salaries for this type of role. Can you give me an idea of the range you’ve budgeted for it?” If they refuse (and some will, which is an unfair double standard but very, very common), then you can say, “I’m sure you’d make me a fair offer, so I think it makes sense to keep talking.” Hell, you can even say, “As a new grad, I’m honestly not sure what range is reasonable here. I’d love some guidance from you.” Most people are going to take pity on you, or at least stop pushing you for an answer.

3. Do I need header info in my cover letters?

If applying for a job online, do you still need to include all the info (sender’s address, recipient address, date) you would if you were physically mailing a letter? The example letters that are posted don’t have this info. I don’t know if this is because you redacted it, or if the author omitted it originally.

If you’re sending the letter in the body of your email, you don’t need all that header info; the convention with email is not to provide it (partly because of some of that info is in the email headers already) and it would look weird to put that stuff in. The first line of your email would be “Dear whoever.” If you’re attaching the email in a separate document, then yes, you’d include it there, because that’s the convention on separate documents. (Although then even there, you can skip the addresses if you want.)

4. Should my resume mention that I’m legally authorized to work in the U.S.?

I am new to the states and have had a hard time looking for a job so far. While I have a good career in the Middle East, my luck is not working very well in the states so far. My question today, however, is regarding my residency status and sponsorship requirements.

I have been turned down blatently since hiring managers think I would require sponsorship. But I am authorised to work in the USA for any employer. Should I include this information my cover letter or my resume? My husband disagrees since I have declared it on the online application form.

Yes! Put it on your resume. It’s pretty common to do that if you have a foreign work history, and it won’t look weird. Hiring managers don’t always look at the online application form if they have the choice of looking at the resume instead.

5. I accepted a job offer but am not sure if I’m supposed to be waiting to hear from HR before it’s final

After months of searching and interviewing for jobs, I finally got an offer! I recently received a verbal offer from the person who interviewed me a few weeks after the interview. We discussed salary, but my start day was up in the air. The hiring manager wanted me to start in 2 weeks (which I could if they wanted me to). But I had a pre-planned trip the following week, so I would have started the position one week and taken a vacation the next week. I told her that I really wanted the job and it was up to them if they would like for me to start the week before my trip or the week after. From the conversation I had with her, it seemed fine. She asked me to come to a meeting the next day to meet with the rest of the team I will be working with. After the verbal offer, I sent a thank-you email to confirm that I accept the position. When I met with the team the next day, everyone knew I had a vacation planned and they where all okay with it. The hiring manager also noted that she received the acceptance letter and HR would be contacting me in a few days.

It has been 72 hours since my verbal offer has been given. Is it okay to contact the hiring manager or HR to see what the hold up is with a written offer letter? I don’t want to be a nag, but I do not want to quit my current job until I am sure of their intentions. (However, I don’t actually know if HR is going to send a formal written offer or if they’ll just be sending new hire paperwork.)

Yeah, that last part is what I was thinking — you don’t want to call the hiring manager up and say “I’m waiting for the written offer” if she thought everything was wrapped up. But you could email and say something like: “Just wanted to check with you — should I be waiting on a formal written offer from HR, or are we all set? (I haven’t heard from them so just wanted to verify before I give my notice over here.)”

That way, you’re getting clarification without alarming her if it’s actually all set and done on their side and HR is just planning to send you a package of first-day forms.