should I lend my knowledge to my jerky coworker?

by Alison Green on November 11, 2013

A reader writes:

I’m a researcher specialized in a certain research methodology, and I recently completed a consulting contract for a small firm that had a large project that needed my expertise. I was part of a team being lead by a research lead who was also the firm’s recently hired practice manager. This was his first project at the firm and also his first job outside of finishing his PhD and being a university tutor.

I noticed very quickly that he tried to discredit my approach and my ideas about the data whenever we had a meeting with senior management. Once, while I discussed findings with him he told me, “I know I should take an interest in this stuff, but I just don’t find it interesting.” He often gave me wrong information, too. One time I overheard him taking credit for something I had written.

The project finished last month. Last week the team had a project evaluation. At this meeting I was asked to share my thoughts as the specialized researcher and each time he openly discredited my knowledge set and experience with inane responses such as this chestnut, “Well, the problem with doing data analysis is that you use you head, but not your heart and intuition to understand.” [He designed the research without an analysis stage!] And, you may ask, what was the managers’ response when he said this? They stopped to ask him how he was feeling about the critique, to which he responded, “I’m finding it hard not to take it personally.”

Two days after that evaluation he emailed me asking if we could meet for a coffee so that “I can pick your brain and find out what you know and how you do things so I can do things better.” I don’t want to. I feel I’m being used. There is the issue of keeping in the good books with the firm; or, maybe not. After all they hired the silly git and, I believe, strangely enable him. But, I am interested in hearing what you would advise me to do, and how should I word my response back to him. I want to be professional, yet also clear why I will not give him my years of experience and knowledge for the price of a cup of coffee.

Well, you couldn’t give him your years of experience and knowledge for the price of a cup of coffee even if you wanted to. Those took you years to build, right? So there’s no danger of that, even over multiple cups of coffee.

I would bet lots of money that the reason he asked to pick your brain two days after that meeting is because his own manager spotted what’s going on, took him to task for it, and directed him to change the way he’s operating. There’s no more obvious explanation for his switch from appearing utterly uninterested in what you have to offer to suddenly quite interested, and couched in terms of helping him do better work.

I also think you misinterpreted what happened in the meeting you were both in. When the manager asked him how he was feeling about the critique, you took that as silly coddling, but I think it was the opposite — an inquiry into whether the feedback he was hearing was changing his thinking. That’s what I would have done as a manager in that meeting … and when I heard him respond that he was “taking it personally,” I would have met with him one-on-one afterwards to point out the value of getting other people’s perspectives and asked him to solicit more input from you and be better about hearing it. Which probably would have led to exactly the email invite that you got from him later.

So, should you help? Frankly, I don’t think it’s even a choice. If you don’t, you’ll look unhelpful, punitive, and protective of your turf. If you do help, you’ll look useful, pragmatic and magnanimous. You’ll also look focused on the right things — i.e., having a well-functioning team and getting things done, not holding grudges. Which would you rather be perceived as? And not just by him — by the managers above him and your coworkers.

It sounds to me like this guy is digging his own grave. There’s no reason to tarnish yourself as part of that process.

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I’m new and don’t want to contribute to an office funeral collection

by Alison Green on November 11, 2013

A reader writes:

I just started a new job. It is a small company and owned by a husband and wife. The wife doesn’t do anything in the company (but all the employees do know her). Her mother is very ill and not expected to live out the month.

We all expect the office manager (who ADORES the owners) to put pressure on the employees to contribute to funeral flowers. Given that I am a brand new employee, I don’t deem it appropriate for me to be asked to contribute. However, the office manager is easily offended when anyone, employee or customer, makes any negative comments about this woman.

I need an appropriate negative response when asked to contribute. I also do not believe I should have to give reasons or excuses as to why (i.e., I can’t afford it right now).

Honestly, I’d chip in 5 bucks for this and consider it part of the cost of the new job, like buying business clothes or commuting.

I’m normally pretty gung ho about people’s right to decline to give to office collections for charity, birthdays, showers, and so forth — as well as about the fact that those collections should be opt-in rather than opt-out (i.e., tell people how to contribute if they’d like to, but don’t hit them up individually for money).

However, while you certainly have the right not to contribute, this is a time when I think you should. It’s related to a death in the owners’ family, and the risk of looking cold — to the owners, to the office manager, and/or to your coworkers — for not participating is too high. That’s especially true because you’re new and people don’t know you yet, so every detail they do know about you has more weight. Saving five bucks won’t be worth it if it means that you forever brand yourself in coworkers’ minds as frosty or aloof.

If you’re absolutely determined not to participate, you could say something like, “I don’t know (owner’s wife) yet, but I’d love to sign a card if there is one.” But if at all possible, I’d just bite the bullet here and kick in a few dollars.

Also: This isn’t what you asked about, but be careful about forming judgments about your coworkers while you’re still so new. It sounds like you’ve heard things about the office manager from other employees (she likes the owners an awful lot, she’s easily offended, she will pressure you to give money for flowers for someone who hasn’t died yet, etc.) and are taking what you hear at face value. All of what you’ve heard might be true — but it also might not be. And one of the worst things you can do when you start a new job is to form alliances with people before you really understand the lay of the land.

I’d stand back a bit, assume the best of everyone, and don’t take on other people’s dislikes as your own. Form your opinions for yourself over time — don’t let others form them for you. (After all, for all you know, the people you’re talking to have bad judgment and are rightfully on the verge of being fired for bad work and crappy attitudes. This is the kind of stuff you have no way of knowing right now.)

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why are there so many terrible managers?

by Alison Green on November 11, 2013

If you’re like most people, you’ve had your share of bad bosses – managers who couldn’t delegate well, or were terrible at giving feedback, or were just plain jerks. And you’ve probably wondered why there are so many bad managers out there – why do companies hire them and how do they stay in their jobs?

Here are seven of the most frequent causes of this epidemic of bad management.

1. Managers were promoted into management roles because they were good at something else. People often become managers because they were great at something else – communications or engineering or accounting or whatever else they were doing before the management role came along. Management is often just the next rung on the ladder, but the skills needed to succeed at management are very different from the ones that got them this far. As a result, you often see people who are brilliant and talented independent contributors flounder when it comes time to manage others.

2. They get little or no training in how to manage well. New managers are frequently thrown into the job with nearly no guidance in how to take on their crucial new role and are left to just figure it out as they go along. The luckier among them might get a one or two-day training class, which is hardly enough instruction in something so nuanced and which has such an impact on their teams and their employer’s results.

3. Managing well is hard. Managing well requires understanding some pretty difficult responsibilities: how to set goals that are the right mix of realistic and ambitious, how to give feedback that’s clear, specific, and actionable, how to stay involved without being overly hands-on, how to hold people to high standards without being a tyrant, how to adjust your management style for different types of employees, and much more. It’s not easy, and it’s no surprise that people without training or mentoring in managing well tend to struggle at it.

4. Managers’ incompetence is more visible. One could argue that managers are no more likely to be incompetent than people in other roles are, but incompetence is more visible when it occurs in a manager. When an individual contributor is bad at her job, her coworkers might or might not be aware of it; often her struggles are only visible to her manager, who is in charge of assessing her work. But when a manager is flailing, it impacts the quality of life and success of a whole team of people. So you’re a lot more likely to notice a terrible manager than a bad coworker.

5. The people above bad managers often don’t know how to judge good management – or spot bad management. The workplace is full of confusion about what good management looks like and how to measure it. Organizations with clarity on this know that it’s about building a great team that gets results over the long-term, but it’s common to find employers that just aren’t sure how to tell if they have effective managers in place or not. And when they do figure it out…

6. Many companies are slow to fire managers. Companies that realize that they have a bad manager on staff are often slow to do anything about it. They’re usually inclined to give a manager the benefit of the doubt, even if they’re hearing employee complaints, and it’s common to figure that having a less-than-perfect manager at the helm is better than going through the work of having a senior-level vacancy finding a new manager, training the replacement, and so forth.

7. Managers are often good at something other than managing, and the company focuses on those skills. A manager might be awful at managing a staff of employees but fantastic at strategy or raising money or even just schmoozing with higher-ups. If a company cares more about those other skills than the deficit in management skills, bad managers can end up staying in their roles and making their teams miserable.

I originally published this at U.S. News & World Report.

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my new job just took away my benefits, I miss workplace social events because of anxiety, and more

by Alison Green on November 11, 2013

It’s six short answers to six short questions. Here we go…

1. Can I ask my interviewer how soon I could get promoted?

I have a job interview coming up next week, partly thanks to the great advice on your blog, and I have a question about how to ask about the possibility of promotions should I be offered and accept the job. The interview is at a local nonprofit that I very much respect. I think I’d excel in this job, but the starting pay would be a significant step down from my current salary. I can’t afford to make that much less, but if I stayed on part time at my current place of employment, I’d about break even. I think I could handle that for a few months, but I don’t think I could physically or psychologically last doing that for a year or more. (I’d be working seven days a week, and my current job is very physically taxing.)

The good news is that the ad for the job said they’re looking for people they can promote to management because they are expanding. The expansion seems to be as certain as possible: they’ve met their fundraising goal, purchased a piece of land, and finalized blueprints for a new building. However, I know building projects can hit big snags, so I’m a little leery of how it will all play out, not to mention there’s no guarantee that I’d get promoted even in the most stable organization. I do have a background in management, so I have that in my favor.

How can I ask what the timeline would look like for a possible promotion? Something about that feels crass. Should I ask what qualities they look for in potential managers and leave it at that? Most jobs I’ve interviewed for pay enough that it isn’t in issue, but my decision to take this job if it’s offered to me hinges on the possibility of advancing fairly quickly.

I … wouldn’t. It’s not the job they’re interviewing you for, and they’ll be alarmed that your focus is on a job they might never consider you for. You can certainly ask about their expansion and what those plans look like, and what kind of timeline they’re on. But if you tie it too closely to your interest in the job, you risk them rejecting you because you seem focused on moving out of the position they’re hiring for and into a different one. (Especially since it sounds like you’re hoping for it to be within a few months, which is really, really short, and they’d be unwise to hire someone with a plan to promote them within a few months — you’re just too much of an unknown at this point.)

If I were you, I’d just be up-front about what your salary requirements are — the ones that would allow you to stay there long-term and not work two jobs. Let them decide on their own if you’d be a fit for one of their upcoming, higher-paying jobs, rather than taking one that doesn’t pay what you need with the hope that you might get promoted out of it in time to save your sanity.

2. My anxiety leads me to back out of workplace social events

I have been working in my job since July. The office personnel are a very tight knit group of people and they like to do things together outside of work hours. I have been diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and social anxiety since I was nine years old (I am 25 now). When I am invited out with the people from work, I usually say no, make up an excuse, or say yes and then flake out (again with another excuse). I feel as though I should be attending these events as the office HR Administrator, but the day of the event I just cannot bring myself to go. How do I let my office mates know that I am interested in getting to know them and that I am not a “grump” (as they like to call me)? I also do not know if it would be a good idea to let my manager know in confidence, so that he at least knows why I am not attending these events. Also, I can manage my anxiety at work and it does not interfere with my work; it is just going out outside of work hours.

I don’t think you have to attend these events at all; plenty of people don’t attend after-work social events because they go home to a family, or dogs, or school, or a second job, or simply don’t want to. It is a problem if you keep committing and backing out, yes, so you might want to stop committing to them — and perhaps just say that you can’t generally go because of (fill in the blank).

The bigger issue is that they find you a grump, but that’s something you can tackle at work, without needing to hang out outside of work. Make a deliberate point of being warm and friendly with people — ask about their weekend or their interests, talk about movies or TV with them, share something about your own interests or personal life, and so forth. Be kind and friendly and take a genuine interest in people, and you shouldn’t come across as a grump at all.

3. How can I preserve my flexible schedule when my manager leaves?

I’ve been at my job for 2 years now. I have second highest seniority in my department. I work full-time as well as go to school full-time. For the last 2 years, they have worked with my school schedule.

My direct manager is leaving her position. I am scared that the new manager, whoever that may be, will not work with my school schedule for whatever reason. What is an appropriate way to bring this fear/stressor up to my bigger supervisor and/or new manager? I want to sound professional, I don’t want to beg, but this is really important for me. If they don’t work with my school schedule, I’ll have to quit, so I want them to understand the importance.

Just be straightforward. I’d say this: “I want to make sure that the schedule I’ve been working will still work even once Jane leaves. Because I go to school full-time, for the last two years I’ve been able to adjust my hours around my school schedule. Usually that means (explain what adjustments you make). It’s always worked out well, but do you foresee any problems letting me continue to do this?”

And if your manager hasn’t left yet, you might also ask her to leave something in writing about her agreement with you for her replacement. That won’t obligate the replacement to continue it, but it will add to the impression of simply being “how we do it” and will work in your favor.

4. Is there a way to weed out job postings that have been already been secretly reserved for someone?

A friend of mine is a supervisor with hiring responsibilities for a department within our state government. Because the government (and I assume some companies within the private sector) requires all job openings to be posted, she mentioned that oftentimes if they already have someone in mind for a position, they’ll just “dummy down” the requirements for the position, aka post the minimum qualifications for the job (whereas if it was a real opening, the minimum qualifications would likely be much higher and more competitive). This ensures that their candidate makes the cut, and they can coach them accordingly to give their application a high ranking in the interview pool. In the meantime, all the other applicants never really stood a chance.

I know know know that networking eliminates this obstacle, but now I wonder how many entry-level positions I’ve wasted my time applying for that I never even stood a chance getting! Is this common practice? How can a job seeker “weed out” these openings, if at all? Should they even be “weeded out” to begin with?

It’s not unheard of, but it’s not the case with the majority of postings you see. (It’s also totally contrary to the intent of the policies that require them to post the job in the first place, and in that regard what they’re doing is really dishonest, problematic, and rude to the applicants whose time they’re intentionally wasting.)

There’s no way to know from the outside if this is going on with a particular job you’re applying to, and there’s no point in trying to speculate. Besides, hiring is always something of a crapshoot.

5. Is it a good sign if a hiring manager looks at your LinkedIn profile?

I know that this may seem like a silly question, but I was wondering if hiring managers often check the LinkedIn profiles of applicants. The reason I ask is that I applied for several roles at a publishing company, and put a link to my public LinkedIn profile on my resume (I figured it couldn’t hurt as I am on a marketing track and wanted to show how I can use social media to market myself). Today I checked my profile and it showed that the senior marketing manager of the department where I applied looked at my LinkedIn profile. I know that this is no reason to get excited, but do hiring managers often do this, or only with candidates who they are interested in, however marginally?

You shouldn’t read anything into it, unfortunately. Hiring managers do frequently look at the LinkedIn profiles of the candidates they’re considering, but “considering” can mean as little as “HR sent me this candidate, along with 100 others” or “is this the same company that my college roommate, Petunia Sugarlord, once got fired from?”

You’ll know if they’re interested in talking more with you if they reach out to talk more with you. Nothing else is a sign.

6. My new job just took away my benefits

When I was hired for my current job, I was asked to give my two-weeks notice at my previous job ASAP, which I did the next day. I was promised full-time hours and benefits. I have it all in writing. Now I’m being told that our office will not be having extended hours and they can’t guarantee me full-time hours, which means no benefits. They told me I could travel to other offices across the state if needed to fill in. These offices can be 4-5 hours away, meaning that I would be away from home all week. What can I do here? I left my last job because this was supposed to be a better job, with benefits and a 5-minute commute. Now I’m getting screwed over.

I’m sorry, that’s awful. Business needs do change, and sometimes they change with really bad timing like this, but that doesn’t make it any better on your end. If I were in your shoes, I’d talk to the person who hired me and say, “I’m in a really difficult position here. I left an excellent job with great benefits because I was promised full-time hours and benefits here. I wouldn’t have left that job under any other circumstances. What can we do here? Would the company be willing to provide me with benefits regardless, since it was part of the offer I accepted only X weeks ago and in recognition that I left a job with benefits to come here?”

And from there, I’d also start looking at other jobs — because it sounds like this might not be the right situation long-term, even if you can get them to give you benefits meanwhile.

 

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telling a coworker about possible layoffs, boss texts me constantly when I’m not at work, and more

by Alison Green on November 10, 2013

It’s four short answers to four short questions!

(Yes, four instead of the usual seven. I’m experimenting with doing shorter-than-usual posts on Saturday and Sunday.)

1. My boss calls and texts me constantly when I’m not at work

I have been a nurse at a residential facility for the past 9-1/2 years. I am part-time and work a couple 6-8 hour shifts a week, no benefits. I have 2 supervisors, as I work at 2 different locations for same place. One of my supervisors is very intense, does scheduling up to 6 months or more in advance, and calls or texts me incessantly when I am not working or the morning after I work a late night shift. I really like her as a person, but it’s really out of control. This morning she texted me that I forgot to check to see if someone had enough medication. Then she realized that the meds were fine, and re-texted me to tell me that at one of the houses there were no tweezers in a first aid box. She is constantly doing this.

I work hard, and actually need more work and on occasion she will give me a few extra hours if she needs help. I just can’t stand her texting me constantly or calling me to ask if I can be on call 7 months from now on a particular night, or with nitpicky things like tweezers. I am ready to send an email to HR, but will have to do it anonymously. It’s driving me crazy.

Don’t send an anonymous email to HR. Lots of places won’t act at all on anonymous emails and it’s likely to cause problems if they do, because your manager will want to know why the hell the person complaining didn’t talk to her about it directly first. Which leads us to … talk to her about it directly first. Say something like this: “Jane, I like to keep my phone off when I’m not at work, but I end up feeling like I can’t because I know you often message me there. So that I can truly disconnect during my off time, would it be possible for you to call or text me at home only if it’s truly urgent? If you put the other things in email, I’ll see and respond to them as soon as I’m back at work.”

2. Should I mention that I interviewed with this employer 10 years ago?

Recently I’ve seen an intriguing job opening in my field. It’s in a small department in a local college and I actually interviewed for a similar position there around 10 years ago. I’m going to apply, but should I mention in the cover letter that I’ve interviewed there before? It’s been a long time and I have a different name now but I believe some of the same staff are still there.

Ten years is long enough that it doesn’t really matter either way (unless something spectacular and memorable happened the last time, like you accepted an offer and then reneged on it or something else that they’re highly likely to recall).

3. Should I tell a coworker that layoffs might be coming?

My boss told me in confidence that some employees could be laid off in our company. One of my coworkers is getting a mortgage to buy a new house. Should I tell him?

Ugh. I could argue this either way. On one hand, if your boss told you that in confidence, it’s not yours to share. On the other, your obligation to the company isn’t the highest obligation you have; other things can trump it.

One option is to go back to your boss and say, “I’m really concerned about Bob, who is about to take on a new mortgage without knowing what you told me. Is there any way to share with him what you told me? Or to signal to him that he should hold off, if in fact you believe he should?”

If that doesn’t work — or if you know your boss well enough not to bother even trying — you could also look for some other way to warn your coworker without coming out and saying exactly what you were told.

What do others think?

4. Should I include a side business on my resume?

I’ve been a stay-at-home mom for a while (but less than a year) but have been also working from home on my own business. I’m debating whether to include that on my resume and where to put it. It’s not relevant to my industry (this is a wedding-related business) so I’m not sure if it goes under my regular experience or in a separate section…or do I even bother including it? And what do I call myself…an owner?

I’d include it, so that it’s clear how you’ve spent the last year, and I’d look for ways to play up any skills from this work that might be relevant to the types of roles you’re applying for. And you can call yourself the owner or president or whatever title you prefer that conveys “this is my business and I’m in charge of it.”

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unfair performance rating, inaccurate scheduling, and more

by Alison Green on November 9, 2013

It’s five short answers to five short questions!

(Yes, five instead of the usual seven. I’m experimenting with doing shorter-than-usual posts on Saturday and Sunday.)

1. I was rated poorly on attendance when I don’t actually have an attendance problem

I had my annual review today and was upset to see that I was rated poorly on attendance. I went back through my records, and I took all vacation allotted to me and used 4 sick days in 12 months, One of those was after a work trip that I didn’t arrive home from until midnight the night before calling in sick. In my company, I have been reviewed in the past as excellent for attendance and I am confident that I used more sick days then, because I had small children at the time. We have a “use it or lose it” vacation policy and most employees use all vacation days, I actually know of no one who doesn’t use all of their days.

I am also confident that other employees have missed more time than I have and I am very confident they did not receive negative scores on attendance. I contacted my supervisor after mentioning in the review that the score was not correct. I supplied details of the missing days and explained that attendance is a measurable metric and that the data should be used to score me in this area, not someone’s opinion that they don’t see me at work. He said his boss said my attendance was poor in discussing my review and to mark me down on this area, He replied to this email by saying it’s all about perception. He suggested I walk about the office and talk with people more often. I’m busy doing my job, instead of chit chatting with people to prove I’m in the building . Am I correct in asserting that attendance is measurable and that data should be used, rather than the impression that I’m not around because I don’t hang out on the first floor?

Your manager sucks, and yes, actual data should be used to assess attendance, not a general “feeling” that someone isn’t at work enough. And if someone has that feeling, then your manager should get to the bottom of why, not just blindly mark you down on attendance when the data doesn’t support it.

That said, in your justifiable anger over this, you don’t want to lose sight of the fact that his boss thinking you’re not there enough IS a problem. It’s not a problem with your actual attendance, but something’s going on there, and you do want to figure that out: Why does his boss have that impression of you, after all? What has happened to cause it and what could you do to address it? But that’s a separate issue, and rating your poorly on attendance when the facts don’t back it up is BS.

2. Manager regularly schedules me for more hours than I’m supposed to work

What is the best way to handle a manager who expects me not to work over 20 hours but continually schedules me for more than that? I feel it’s likely just a manner of her not counting or paying attention to her schedule closely enough. I’m sure I can’t tell her, “You don’t know how to count!”

Just be straightforward: “Jane, I keep ending up scheduled for more than 20 hours in a week, which means I then have to come back to you to have the schedule revised. Is there anything I can do differently to make sure that I don’t get more than 20 hours a week to begin with?” (I’m assuming here that you’re telling her each time to take away some of those excess hours; if you’re not, you need to start there, by pointing it out each time it happens.)

3. Employer says they have to wait until after the holidays to schedule more interviews

What does it mean if an employer you interviewed with tells you that they now have to wait until after the holidays to hire anyone after you have gone through the second interview process?

It means you have to wait until after the holiday before they move forward. I don’t mean to be snarky; that’s really what it means. If you’re asking about why this might happen, it could be anything — a decision-maker on vacation until then, a budget or hiring freeze, a staffing issue that needs to be worked out first, another project taking priority over hiring, or all sorts of other things. I’d just make a note to follow up with them in early January and put it out of your mind until then.

4. Do I have to use sick leave for a few hours away at an appointment?

I’m a nurse practitioner at a clinic and work 40 hours/week, as an exempt employee. Occasionally I need to have a partial day off for appointments, etc. I also have a fickle manager who changes her mind constantly.

If I’m exempt and I take a few hours off am I required to take sick leave for the few hours off? In the past, I’ve been paid for a full day when I’ve left early, but recently she has made me change my time sheet and insisted I make up the time with sick leave.

That’s allowed. It’s a poor policy, in my opinion, but it’s allowed. She can’t dock your pay for that period (that’s where being exempt comes in), but she can dock your paid leave.

5. Coworkers are discussing me inappropriately at work

Recently at work, I have managed to split myself away from a group of peers in a separate business team who I used to socialize with but found to be very rude and just generally people I would not like to be friends with. This was fine until a colleague in my team overheard them discussing me in a less than positive light in a public lunch area in my office that’s often used by clients. My colleague was very embarrassed on my behalf. (They were being petty about not having access to my personal Facebook photos after a number of inappropriate comments were made by them on pictures of a work night out.) I find it very inappropriate that they would talk like this in an area where my clients might overhear (and where my colleagues have).

Do you have any advice on how best to proceed? Should I carry on doing my best to avoid them, in the hope that they will get over it, or should I confront this behaviour head on. They’re the sort of people who I feel if I confront them it will turn into a bigger problem.

It doesn’t sound like you have much to gain by confronting them. I’d let it go and focus on being professional, and assume that anyone who overhears them will know that the issue is more with them than with you.

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why won’t my employer tell us why our coworker was fired?

by Alison Green on November 8, 2013

A reader writes:

I was hoping you and your readers could help me understand something. I’m fairly new to the white-collar workforce, and am in the middle of an awkward situation in my job at a satellite location of a larger non-profit. A couple days ago, the site manager was fired. As in, came in to work, was told to pack up their things by the higher-ups who had come to the location, and escorted out of the building while everyone watched. No email announcements or explanations, not even a “Site Manager has left to pursue other opportunities! We wish them the best of luck!” and apparently we’re supposed to pretend it didn’t happen.

I’ve been told that usually when someone is fired, people aren’t told why, in order to respect the firee’s privacy. But in the wake of the firing, a bunch of gossip has circulated as to why. Explanations range from “sent weird emails” to “had trouble making eye contact” to “corporate wanted to send a message to keep us in line” to “we’re all going to get canned; they were just the first.” Obviously this is not good for morale and it’s made an already bad workplace worse, so I’m not sure what all the secrecy is supposed to accomplish.

My question is: why is this the supposed norm in the white collar world? I’ve worked in food service, and we always knew why someone got fired. They stole, were rude to customers, or left early without telling anyone. It seemed to greatly reduced gossip and didn’t affect morale at all. So why is this different in the white collar world?

Yep, in general most managers in the white collar world aren’t going to explain in the entire rest of the staff why someone was let go, although they’ll explain to the people who it’s necessary to explain it (for instance, letting you know that the person had a hidden stash of unprocessed vendor payments, so that you understand why you have to suddenly process a bunch of them yourself and why your vendors are a bit irritated, or in other cases where your work really does require you to know details).

The reason for that is that is a general belief that if you’re fired, it’s not your coworkers’ business as to why — and that it violates the fired person’s privacy and dignity to share with coworkers what happened. It can also signal to your remaining employees that if they’re struggling with their own performance at some point, everyone else will hear about it. Which rarely feels good to contemplate.

This is a tricky thing, though, because if the fired person has friends on staff, she’s likely to share with them her version of what happened — which is sometimes quite different from what actually happened, particularly if the person is trying to save face with colleagues. I’ve seen people say they were fired for no reason or for an unfair reason, when in fact the problems with their work were carefully documented, they were warned multiple times, and given a chance to improve. That can leave the remaining employees feeling like they work for an unfair and jerky employer, as well as it can making them worry that they too might be fired out of the blue. So employers are in a difficult spot, with two competing interests to juggle — wanting not to spread the fired’s employees business all over the place, but also needing to think about the impact on the rest of their employees.

The key to handling this, though, is to make sure that employees understand generally how performance problems are handled. They don’t need to know that Jane was fired because she had terrible follow-through and let one too many projects slip through the cracks, but they do need to know how problems and firings are handled in general, and whether or not you’re a fair and reasonable person. So as a manager, it’s useful to share, for instance, that you warn people clearly before they’re fired and give them an opportunity to address the issues (except in particularly egregious cases, like embezzlement or assault). And it’s useful to establish a culture where your staff believes what you tell them about this kind of thing – because they see for themselves that you give clear, regular, and reasonable feedback, that you operate in a fair and straightforward manner, and that you don’t make arbitrary personnel decisions.

Given what happened at your office in the wake of your coworker’s firing, I’m betting that your employer hasn’t established that sort of culture, and that’s why not knowing what happened with your coworker has generated so many unsettling rumors.

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angry rejected candidates: “I never had a class in college teaching me the etiquette of prostituting myself on paper”

by Alison Green on November 8, 2013

A reader sent me an exchange that she had with a recent graduate who applied for a job with her company. The applicant had submitted a three-page resume with short essays about her experience on it. That exchange is further down, but first here’s what the reader wrote to me:

I thought I’d share something that could help a lot of your recent college graduate readers. I keep coming across this complaint that recent and upcoming college grads aren’t ready for the working world. I used to think this was unfair and ageist, as I work with a lot of them that I think are, in fact, ready and able.

However, I’ve recently changed my mind a bit. As I work on hiring for my company, I also come across a lot of graduates who seem to prove this point. Things like keeping your resume to 1 page if you’re a recent graduate really do escape them. I’ve included an email exchange below that proves the point. I’ve taken out the person’s name to protect her. (Please note that her resume is a 3 page debacle complete with short essays about her experience.)

Perhaps my point is that many recent and upcoming college graduates might stop and take some time to do a little research on the finer points of how to hunt for a job, how to behave at their first job, etc. There is also plenty of confusion about graduate school and what its function is (see email exchange below!). I think there may be something to this rumor that recent and upcoming college grads aren’t as prepared as they think. I just want to spare them some pain if this is applicable for them.

Okay, so here’s the email exchange. First, the email our reader sent to a job applicant:

Hi [name removed],

I passed this on to my manager to fast-track things and he declined. Just thought I’d pass on some advice in case you’d like to use it in your future job search. The resume you sent me is way too long and detailed for most employers to want to look at. Try to bring it all down to 1 page with very few details. I am happy to look it over for you if you’d like once you fix it. I read and write about how to search for jobs constantly as part of my job so I’m happy to share any information I know. Good luck in your search and I’m sorry again it didn’t work out here.

The applicant responded with this:

Very few details? Then what is the point? Isn’t a resume meant to “show yourself off” to the world?

I’m skilled in writing, that is what I know, I never had a class in college teaching me the etiquette of prostituting myself on paper. I do not understand a job market that desires watered down individuals. What does that say about the jobs or employers? Are they as watered down as the people they employ?

Thank you it will be Graduate School for me.

Sigh.

There are so many problems here — the “why should I learn about how job searching works” attitude and the idea that if school didn’t teach her something, she shouldn’t be expected to look into it for herself; the expectation that employers should be willing to read whatever she gives them about herself, regardless of length, because she shouldn’t have to “water herself down” (and isn’t this condensing, the opposite of watering down?); the idea that concise resumes are “prostitution” — but the biggest problem of all is the rudeness to someone who went out of her way to help her.

To be clear, I’m not printing this because I think this job applicant is representative of most people in her peer group; she’s not. But she’s also not entirely alone in approaching things this way, even if she’s on the extreme end of the silliness spectrum. This resistance to making an effort to learn what employers want and why — and then getting bitter and huffy when the way that you want things to work doesn’t align with the way employers actually do things  — isn’t terribly uncommon … and it will make you far less happy and your life harder than it otherwise would be.

Regardless of how you think things should work, it’s worth learning how things do work, and why. You’ll be happier. You’ll probably be more successful at whatever it is you want to do. And you won’t find yourself heckling kind strangers offering you favors.

P.S. On the advice that resumes should have “very few details” — That might mean different things to different people. In general, you of course want to include enough details to give the employer a sense of what you’ve achieved. But given this applicant’s three-page resume with essays, I think “very few details” was appropriate advice in this context.

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open thread

by Alison Green on November 8, 2013

photo 4-5It’s our biweekly open thread!

The comment section on this post is open for discussion with other readers on anything you want to talk about. If you want an answer from me, emailing me is still your best bet, but this is a chance to talk to other readers.

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managing someone my fiance had a conflict with, following up on a promised salary review, and more

by Alison Green on November 8, 2013

It’s seven short answers to seven short questions. Here we go…

1. I’m applying for a job where I’d be managing someone my fiance had a conflict with

I recently applied for a position with a fabulous company that my fiance also works for. It is with a very large hospitality group. Unfortunately, several months ago my fiance had a problem with a coworker and he was moved to a different area of the resort. This morning, HR called me to set up an interview and the position would be directly overseeing the coworker who he had the problem with, and I would be interviewing with his previous manager.

I have never met his manager so she wouldn’t have any idea who I was, but I’m not sure how to handle this situation. I would absolutely love this position as it is a direct fit with my skills and my career path, but I don’t want my relationship to influence any decision regarding my ability to do the job, and I don’t want them to feel I intentionally hid information from them.

You need to tell them. Otherwise you risk ending up in a situation where (a) your new manager feels that you were deliberately deceptive with her and (b) your ability to manage one of your employees is compromised. And yes, telling them might mean that they conclude that you’re not the right fit for the job — but it’s better to have them conclude that now, before you’ve been hired, than afterwards (because if it happens afterwards, there could be worse consequences, from a permanently soured relationship with your manager and staff to being let go).

Say something like this: “I want to be transparent about the fact that my fiance, Apollo Warbucks, used to work for you and, of course, still works for the company. He spoke really highly of you.” You could say this at the interview itself, but you might even think about emailing it beforehand (along with “I want to make sure that doesn’t pose any issues for the company”) because if it IS prohibitive, you could save yourself some time by finding out now. (On the other hand, some people would tell you to go to the interview and impress them before you mention it.)

2. Should you note on your resume that you were laid off from a job?

I recently read your article on how to combat resume rejection. I noted you discussed stating whether a position was purposely short however does this hold true for layoffs?

I look like a job hopper because my first two positions resulted in layoffs and both under the two-year mark. Then my third job I left voluntarily for a better opportunity. I’ve been quite fortunate, but as my company prepares to sell, I’m looking once again and I am often asked why I only worked at these jobs for a short time. When asked I’m able to explain, but should one list “laid off” anywhere on their resume?

No. Your resume shouldn’t include the reasons you left jobs (“resigned for better position,” “moved,” “fired,” etc.). It should include your positions and employers, dates you worked there, and what you achieved at each. The reasons for moving on are something you can discuss in an interview or — when it makes sense — a cover letter.

3. My offer letter promised to review my salary in six months, but it didn’t happen

I accepted a job offer six months ago. When I tried to negotiate the salary, I was told that it would be reviewed In six months. I needed the job so I accepted it, even though it was $20k less than my last job.I had been looking for 18 months and there was a possibility of advancement.

Fast forward to my six-month salary review with very satisfactory results — but no mention of a salary increase. They did, however, offer me a promotion, conditional on passing an industry course. I was torn between mentioning the increase and accepting the opportunity. I finally mentioned the lack of increase a few days later, saying that it been stated in my offer letter. They seemed very surprised that this had been put in writing. I was given no real response and it’s now been a week. Did I make a career limiting move? I did not want to seem like a pushover, so that was why I said something. Also, there seems to be a possibility of being acquired, which, in my mind, makes this future promotion uncertain. Should I have kept my mouth shut?

Absolutely you should have mentioned it — as part of your review, in fact, rather than a few days later. You had an agreement to discuss your salary in six months and so you should discuss it — bringing it up yourself if your manager doesn’t. In fact, it would have been ideal to come prepared to show why you’d earned an increase now, or even have sent that information to your manager ahead of your review with a note saying something like, “When I started, we agreed in my offer letter to review my salary in six months. I believe I’ve earned a raise of $X because of A, B, and C.”

Was it a career limiting move? Only if your manager is incredibly unethical and disingenuous. If she’s a normal person, no.

That said, keep in mind that an agreement to review your salary is not at all the same as an agreement to increase your salary.

4. Can my employer ask why I need time off?

I am a full-time employee in Florida. When requesting time off, can an employer ask why I am taking the time off? Are they entitled to know why? If not, what is the law that supports this?

Yes, they are allowed to ask, and they’re allowed to require that you share the reason (as long as they don’t make requirements that would require you to disclose details about a disability and thus violate the Americans with Disabilities Act).

The “law that supports” their right to ask is the absence of any law to the contrary. As I wrote earlier this week, with labor laws you generally shouldn’t be searching for a law that specifically allows an employer to engage in a particular behavior, but rather for a law that prohibits it. If something isn’t specifically prohibited, it’s generally allowed.

5. Interviewer sent me a blank email

I had a phone interview two weeks ago, followed up yesterday, and got an email back from the interviewer saying that he enjoyed our conversation but decided to pursue other candidates. I had read your article on how to graciously reply to a rejection, so I sent a similar email asking for feedback as I am new to the workforce and this was an entry-level position.

I got a response about 15 minutes later, but the email was blank and the email was forwarded back to me. I’m going to assume the manager did not want to give me feedback? How do I ask him if this was done on purpose or if he really sent me back feedback? I don’t want to be a pest, but I have sent back empty emails by accident before.

Sadly, you have to just let it go. While it’s possible that he did indeed write out an email to you with feedback in it and somehow accidentally deleted that content right before sending, it’s more likely that he never wrote out feedback and just accidentally clicked a couple of keys that sent a blank message to you. Assuming that the latter is the case, if you follow up to say “I have a blank email from you,” you risk looking a little too needy/pushy. The blank email thing happens. If he wants to send feedback, he will, but meanwhile, I’d let it go.

6. How candid to be when a company seems sketchy

Recently, I was presented with an employer-initiated opportunity that sounded pretty great, but a few alarm bells started ringing. First, within 15 minutes of my reply to their email, I had an instant message interview with their CEO, then immediately following, an instant message then voice chat interview with their CTO. I realize some places move faster than others, but wow.

I did a little research on the company and the top two results are their webpage (normal) and a Rip Off report (not so normal) for non-payment to staff. The report was posted in March 2013 and hasn’t been updated to say paid. In addition, I can’t find anything else about them on any review site at all. How candid should I be in saying “your company and process makes me feel icky” without burning a professional bridge?

It depends on whether you wan to talk to them about it and hear their response or whether you just want to pull out of their hiring process. If the latter, you just say, “I’ve decided to explore other positions so would like to withdraw from consideration from this one. Best of luck in filling it.”

But if you’re open to hearing more, then you could say, “I saw some employees online posting that they hadn’t been paid earlier this year. I know not everything online is always correct, and I wondered what you could tell me about that.”

7. Happy ending

I relocated to a new city a little over a year ago for a job that was not ideal. In fact, it turned out to be a nightmare, but at the time I felt that I had to accept the position because I had been underemployed for months and needed the income. After 3 months in the position, I realized that it wasn’t going to be a good long-term fit for me, and I started looking elsewhere. For about 9 months I was looking for a new job, and I was intensively looking for at least 6 months. I set aside time every day to apply to jobs, write cover letters, and read AAM. The work environment was terrible — I was working for a start up, dealing with angry customers all day, immature cliquey co-workers, spineless bosses, and regularly encountered verbal abuse from my boss and sexual harassment (verbal) from my male coworkers. In addition, the work I was doing was draining, exhausting and repetitive, and I dreaded going to work every morning. But I knew I couldn’t quit before I found something else.

After several months of sending out resumes with no response, I started working with a placing agency for creative talent (my degree is in graphic design). A few months into that process, I was connected with a great company, interviewed, and got the job! I am now in the first week of my new position, and while it’s not a perfect job (no job is), I am doing work that I enjoy, I feel inspired by my work, and my new boss is incredible! The position is with a stable, growing company, and it was a 20% pay increase! The people I work with are friendly and normal, and I think the majority of the headaches I encounter will just be normal work stresses (deadlines and commute).

I wanted to put this out there because I know how hard it can be to find a job — especially a job that you like, in your field, with decent pay — but it is possible! I hope my update can inspire some of your readers to stay motivated, because better things are out there!

Congratulations! Thanks for sharing that story here.

The thing about long and frustrating job searches is that they tend to stay frustrating right up until the moment that everything changes and you get an offer you’re excited about. It’s good for people to remember that if they keep doing the right things, eventually they should see results. (And meanwhile, to make sure that they’re doing the right things, they should read this.)

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