Ask a Manager

Remember the reader back in January who asked about writing a cover letter to someone who you’d previously worked for (#6 at the link)? Here’s her update.

First of all, I would just like to thank you from the bottom of my heart for your fantastic blog. Without the wonderful and extremely helpful advice from you and your commenters, I am sure that I would still be lost beyond belief at this point. Instead, now a year and a half after graduating, I just accepted my first permanent job offer in my field!

You answered a question of mine about the tone of a cover letter to someone with whom you’ve previously worked. Thanks to your answer, I went on to rock the cover letter as well as the interview, but ultimately lost out on the job due to something completely beyond my control (they needed a native Spanish speaker who would be comfortable talking on the phone in Spanish with Cubans, and that just wasn’t me). However, I took the rejection graciously and kept in contact because they had given me my start in DC with an internship, and they’re all just such great people that I couldn’t possibly be upset with them for too long!

After that, I finished out the other internship I was working at the time, although I was pretty unhappy with the 40-hour/week workload on top of the part-time serving job I needed to make ends meet. Once that ended in May, I took up temp work while continuing to apply and interview for permanent positions. Finally, in the past month or so, I interviewed for a job with a wonderful, highly-regarded organization doing exactly the kind of work I want to get into (communications in the nonprofit NGO world), and just yesterday, they came through with an offer, which I accepted! Oh, and I had applied for this job way back in July, proving that you really can’t hold hiring managers to any one timeline.

As it turns out, what made the difference for me was my references. I had previously been in denial about the importance of having stellar references, and it wasn’t until I finally asked one of mine if she had been contacted that she told me she wasn’t comfortable giving me a reference because of my admittedly less-than-great attitude at the aforementioned internship. Instead of negotiating with her, and realizing that my third reference was no longer reachable at the number I had provided (oops!), I chose to ask two other people if I could list them, and they very enthusiastically obliged. When called, all three raved about me to the hiring manager, and one even went so far as to attend the event the organization was hosting the next day to tell them in person how great I am! I am convinced that my references were one of the biggest factors in the decision to offer me the job.

Once again — and I do apologize for the length of this — thank you so much for all of the lessons your blog has helped me learn over the past year. I am a more dedicated reader now more than ever, although still a very seldom commenter! Maybe now that I’ve been blessed with an offer I’ll be able to pay it forward to other confused, frustrated recent grads and help them realize their potential.

Remember the manager who wanted to stop feeling obligated to eat lunch with her employee every day? Here’s her update.

First and foremost, I had a great experience with you and the community on your site. Your insight, as well as comments from others, put a lot of things in perspective. The major takeaway: I was definitely making a bigger deal out of this than I needed to be.

“Dan” is such a nice guy (I cannot stress this enough). Any little disappointment he showed around “ditching” was noticeable, and a contrast from his upbeat nature. Simply wanting to avoid seeing that because — as other readers pointed out — I was also trying to be “too nice” was a big source of me inflating this problem.

I have since experienced a few instances of miscommunication (reading into things, or not reading into things) with Dan, so I have learned that being straightforward is the best approach.

Coincidentally, we have not been eating lunch together, as a duo or a trio, quite as often. I started taking a work-offered yoga class on Tuesdays, so that was one day I was always out for sure. Then, just as luck would have it, we’ve all taken turns not being available. The best thing about this change, in my opinion, is that we actually enjoy lunch together more, as we have more to catch up on. Absence makes the “heart” (even work, professional heart) grow stronger, I guess.

This whole experience was very helpful. I’m grateful for your site and the community, and I look forward to learning and growing as a manager.

This one is not a happy ending.

Do you remember the letter from the reader who was concerned that the receptionist in her office wasn’t being reimbursed for mileage while running business errands? It was adding up to about $60 a month, which was effectively cutting her pay below minimum wage. I advised her to speak to her manager and advocate for making the receptionist whole. Here’s her update.

I approached my manager, saying that the receptionist had shown me her expenses totaling $60 dollars for June, and that I was concerned about us taking her below minimum wage–I cited the Domino’s case and said that while I was sure she wasn’t the type to sue anyone, I felt like it was better not to leave ourselves open to trouble. I also told him how awesome she is and that she has to be saving us a bundle just by getting so much good work done. I really thought I was handling it the right way–I wasn’t in any way accusatory, and I didn’t throw her under the bus by acting like she’d demanded anything or threatened to quit. I just told him that she really struggles financially and might not be able to afford the trips and it would be a huge loss to us if she ended up leaving because of money.

Well, my manager just about flipped. He went on and on about how there are plenty of people who would be happy to have her job and wouldn’t complain about having to pitch in (that’s really what he sees this as–pitching in), how he really hasn’t been impressed with her work (he probably wasn’t; he seems to have a contrarian complex where he loves and coddles the slackers and hates the hard workers). A few days later, the receptionist was gone. She told me he said it wasn’t working out and he wasn’t impressed with her work ethic, etc.

It’s been almost five months, and I’m not dealing with what happened very well. I feel so guilty, thinking if I’d just phrased things differently or knew some way to calm him down, things wouldn’t have ended like they did. And I’m furious at this man–I’m normally an extremely calm person who never shows anger, but for months now, if I get thinking about this too hard, I get so enraged that I’ll find something to pound, or I’ll be thinking about it in the car and get this horrid urge to run my car into something. Sometimes it even happens at work and I have to find ways to sneak off and slam something just so I don’t explode.

What makes me angriest is that I want to leave so badly and I just can’t find anything. We live in a very remote area, and the nearest major city is grossly overpopulated. Even if someone wanted to drive 75 miles to work, there just are no jobs and too many people to fill the ones that are posted. I’ve tried, but this is my first even semi-professional job and it’s not that impressive. And the former receptionist is trying, but she was lucky to find a retail job that barely pays her enough to rent her room. I’ve made it clear that I’ll be a stellar reference and given her all my personal contact info, even offered to help her with resumes and cover letters…but it all feels like I’m offering her Band-Aids after running her over with my car.

I feel like by staying I’m condoning what he did–like I’m one of those people who listens to you say how a certain manager screams and swears at you all the time and says “Oh, well, I don’t have any problem with him”–but God knows I’d leave in a heartbeat if I could. I also had to replace the receptionist, and it made me sad that even though I came right out and warned the candidates about having to pay out of pocket for gas, too many of them said they were fine with that. It shouldn’t be fine. We shouldn’t be in a job market where this is in any way fine.

I wish this letter were different, and that I could say we both got new jobs and never looked back, but I don’t see that happening anytime soon.

I wrote back to this reader and said: “This is horrifying. And I feel partly responsible, for pushing you to speak up to him. (Although really, he is the only one responsible, for outrageous jerkiness.) Any chance that when you do leave you’d be willing to report him to your stage department of labor? I think you can do it anonymously.”

Her response:

He’s definitely the only one responsible. He’s a psycho. I had already decided to speak up, I just needed to know whether the minimum-wage-minus-expenses problem was something I should be addressing. I knew he wasn’t a great manager by any means, but didn’t think he’d flip like he did.

I’d definitely be willing if it were just me involved. I’ve actually asked the receptionist to make a claim now, because she’s the one affected and is already gone, but she’s afraid of the reference problem. I’m her preferred reference, but someone might call the office directly and end up talking to him. I didn’t know you could make anonymous claims, but at that point it’s up in the air whom he blames. So I’m not sure if we’ll be in a good position to do that for a while.

I do appreciate that you answered my original question no matter how it turned out. Your advice should have worked on anyone with an ounce of humanity.

Ugh ugh ugh. This is awful.

I do want to say that it’s worth speaking up when you see wrongdoing, particularly in defense of people who are less well positioned to advocate for themselves — even if it doesn’t always end well. But that doesn’t make this particular situation any better, and this guy is an awful human.

Here are four more updates from readers who had their questions answered here this year.

1. Should I become a subversive wellness committee member?

I wrote asking about being a “subversive” wellness committee member. I want to thank you and your commenters for being so helpful and supportive! I did end up joining the wellness committee, and we’ve had two meetings so far. There isn’t a lot to report–no new initiatives yet–but I played a roll in framing the conversation as not so much “what random programs can we start” but more “what programs would people like to have, and what hurdles to people face that prevent them from making healthy choices?” We put together a survey of employees, which got a pretty good response rate and found that the biggest hurdle people face is “time” and the programs they are most interested in are gym discounts and healthier food options at the office (instead of just snack machines). So I hope that helps the committee focus on doing things people actually want.

2. Can you have blue hair at a job interview?

I do have an update, but I’m afraid it’s not a very interesting one. I did go very, very blue for my wedding, and it was great. However, I didn’t end up applying for the big job, even though I’m still a huge fan of that company.

At the time, I was a couple of months in to what has turned out to be a full year of running on all cylinders. It was all good stuff, but it should have been spread over maybe 3-4 years. I have underlying anxiety issues which I exploited pretty badly to make it work. I’ve finally gotten myself on medication for it and am re-assessing my long term plans.

What you said about knowing my industry got me thinking. I’m a trainee accountant. My current workplace worships the ground I walk on despite the polychromatic hair. But long-term, it just isn’t going to fly if I go into a practice. I thought I wanted that kind of career anyway, but realistically, it wouldn’t work with my anxiety problems. I’m too prone to working myself to the point of breakdown.

Instead, the current plan is to stick here and keep getting experience and certifications until I’m comfortable setting up my own little shop. There’s a goth accountant I know in another city who makes a business of doing taxes for tattoo parlors, online businesses, etc.; people who don’t feel they get taken seriously when they go to a traditional practice. She hasn’t been open to new clients in years, too much demand! So I’m looking at doing the same thing for my city. I know a couple of professional authors and screenwriters who have expressed interest in that kind of service as well.

I’m on track to get my first major accounting certification at the end of next year and plan to celebrate with a shiny new scaffold piercing. :)

3. My coworker showed me the warning our boss sent him (#4 at the link)

I didn’t discuss the weirdness with our boss, and things continued moving on. The new guy did not improve – I think he was still taking away productivity, not adding it, due to training and correction requirements. In due course he was terminated. Co-workers who were in the office at the time report that he was “shocked” to be let go. You would think that being formally put on notice – and, from what I saw in the email before I stopped reading it, it was for things that he continued to do wrong throughout – would be a fairly large sign, wouldn’t you?

Anyway, no earthshaking updates or surprises there. I hope he’s able to find a position that’s better suited to him.

4. Can I invite my former coworkers to coffee after I was laid off? (#2 at the link)

I was the writer with the very unfortunate and uncomfortable layoff but who still wanted to keep in touch with her former coworkers! Here’s how things played out:

I got to see my former coworkers and keep in touch with one of them very frequently. I think my former manager still feels a bit awkward about it. Anyways, I interviewed with this large communications firm and immediately thought I blew it. A week later, I was called in for a second interview and skills assessment test. Thought I blew that one, too. Apparently, they called my former manager and he left a stellar reference for me and was offered the position the day before Thanksgiving!

So I’m moving now, and I’m super excited! Thanks so much for your help!