resume advice, career fairs, friendships, and other advice for new grads trying to find a job

by Alison Green on November 7, 2013

In response to Monday’s post about how to get hired when you’re just starting your career, commenter Chris left a response that I thought was so helpful and insightful that I wanted to share it here. Here are the parts I liked best, but you can read the full comment here.

Recent grad here. And when I say recent, I mean graduated 17 months ago recent. Some disorganized random thoughts:

a) Find someone in your circle that does hiring and get them to check your resume. When I was in college, I had about 5-6 career counselors and professors look over my resume during my Jr and Sr year (when applying for research and internships), and the feedback was always “this looks good. I’ve got nothing to add.” Since graduation, I’ve regularly gotten my resume checked by people at the unemployment office, by networking people, and by professional engineers, and only one person has given meaningful improvement advice (stuff other than “use a sans-serif font or switch from a 10 to 12 pt font in the descriptions”), and she actively hires at Hexcel and teaches people how to deal with Boeing’s notorious filtering software. The point: you’ll probably get much better feedback from people that actively hire in your field than from anyone else sadly.

b) Grown-up career fairs are your friends. Here’s the thing:

-College career fairs have about 600-700 people show up, each with a resume in hand. The other part: college students are very high energy, and have been taught how to network career fairs via the Internet, classes, or workshops. And everyone there is willing to talk about in-field developments. And the lines for SpaceX and Tesla are slightly longer than the line for Splash Mountain.

-Grown-up career fairs are a very different animal. There are a lot less people and that element of hyperness in college fairs is missing. At college fairs, you’ll hear in-line talk of Falcon 9’s and Elon Musk’s amazingness. At grown-up career fairs, the nouns “Falcon 9” and “Elon Musk” will be replaced with the noun “ex-wife.”

The short answer: at college fairs numbers are not on your side, everyone has been trained to talk at these fairs, and energy is high. It is a lot harder to leave an impression on anyone if you aren’t already Jesus. At grown-up fairs, there’s a lot fewer numbers, and the atmosphere can get more dreary than a swampland graveyard. High-energy & optimism makes it easier to leave an impression and the less numeric competition plus the less likelihood that the other people there have been trained to commericialize at fairs can get you more interviews. Personally, in 5 years attending college career fairs, I’ve never gotten an interview. Meanwhile, I’ve netted 2 in fairs post-college.

…

f) Networking is good. If you went to a networking seminar in college, you were probably told to send networking emails, “develop a relationship with your networkee,” and “network for hidden job opportunities” or what-not. In real life, people are busy, and many many emails you send out will not get a response back. And if you do get a response back, it won’t be about a “hidden-job opportunity,” it’ll usually be some basic hiring information with a “times are tough, good luck” tag at the end. Unless you are asking about what it’s like to work in field X. Some people write really well crafted responses to these.

g) The hardest part of this whole thing is being lost in the fog. You will have 10-20 people telling you that you’ve been doing everything right, and yet nothing falls through. And since, according to every online source and every person at your career center (city and college), you’ve been doing “everything right,” figuring out where to improve becomes an impossible nightmare. When this feeling hits, relax, and grab an IPA. And remember that you’re not alone.

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I’m pregnant, my coworker smells like smoke, and it’s making me sick

by Alison Green on November 7, 2013

A reader writes:

I am in the early stages of my first pregnancy. My fiance and I have been trying for years. My coworker, who I share an office with, goes out for numerous smoke breaks throughout the day. When he comes back to the office, the smell of cigarettes on him is so strong  that it bothers me. Not only does it make me feel sick, but I worry that it could be harmful to my baby.

How can I solve this without being a major pain in the ass? We’re a small office of only 4 people. 

Is there any possibility that you could move offices, either temporarily or permanently?

And have you talked to your coworker about the problem?

It’s not reasonable to expect your coworker to stop smoking just because you asked, but you can certainly explain that the pregnancy has made you more sensitive to smells and nicely ask him to help you think of solutions. If he’s anything other than an ass, he’ll want to try to reach an accommodation, especially if you’re being nice about it.

Nice: “Bob, I’ve noticed since I’ve been pregnant that I’m much more sensitive to smells, especially cigarettes. Lately when you come back to the office after smoking, the smell of cigarettes is making me feel sick. I’m certainly not going to ask you to quit smoking because of me, but I wonder if there’s anything we can do that will minimize the odor?”

Not nice: “Could you have the decency to stop subjecting my unborn child to your evil and disgusting habit?”

But if you can’t reach an accommodation with your coworker (or if you’re convinced that trying won’t get you anywhere), then talk to your manager and explain the problem. Come prepared with potential solutions — whether it’s swapping offices with someone else, working out of another space in the office, or moving your coworker somewhere, depending on what makes the most sense. You might also mention that in addition to making you feel sick, thirdhand smoke — smoke residue on skin and clothes — is starting to be acknowledged as a danger in itself.

Good luck, and congratulations.

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ask the readers: traveling for work when you’re new on the job

by Alison Green on November 7, 2013

I’m throwing this one out to readers to answer. A reader writes:

I recently started a new job as a sales rep. It’s full-time, but minimum wage with no benefits. The office is very small and there is no opportunity for growth or promotion. No perks, not even office coffee. This is all OK–not perfect, but OK.

On my third day at the job, the boss/owner/president called me into his office and asked if I’d be willing to go and do a workshop presentation the following weekend in a town 300 kilometers away. Now, I certainly have zero problems with travel, and I enjoy presenting and lecturing, but I had been at the job three days. At the time of the workshop I would have been employed nine full days–four of which had been spent completely alone in the office as everyone else was traveling. I told him I did not feel qualified or knowledgeable enough about the company to do so, and expressed that I would be more than willing to travel in the future, but I didn’t think it was a good idea so soon. (At the time I didn’t even have a company computer login or email. Training had consisted of an hour going over some of our suppliers.) He tried to convince me that I could learn one product very well (we sell high-level technological trainers that rely on renewable energy–I have no science background) and present on it, and I said I could probably do so, but I would be completely lost answering any questions about anything else regarding the company. He told me that was fine.

My dad–who is a very accomplished, high-level CEO in his own right–has told me I should have gone on the trip, as it was my boss’s way of showing the flag. I am OK with the way I handled it–I was respectful in saying no and explaining my reasoning why, my reasoning was not simply “I don’t want to” or just jitters, but genuinely being unqualified, and I reiterated my interest in and desire for travel in the future. I would have been OK with “man our booth and hand out flyers and pens,” but I was simply not knowledgeable enough about the field as a whole to give a presentation and field a question-and-answer session afterwards.

Did I handle this properly, or should I have gone? I can’t help but feel I could have damaged the company reputation by going (“Let’s go to a different company–the woman at that one couldn’t answer a simple question about what kinds of CNC machines she’d recommend!”), but I’m worried I’ve damaged my own reputation at the office. By contrast the other sales woman just went on her first presentation workshop trip, and she’s been here six months. What should I have done?

Readers, what do you say?

Read an update to this letter here.

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I work for an email spammer, being required to use a corporate credit card, and more

by Alison Green on November 7, 2013

It’s seven short answers to seven short questions. Here we go…

1. Asking for a raise when taking on much more responsibility

I currently run the kitchen for a wine bar in New York, and my boss has decided to open a wine store and have me manage it. I will be responsible for sales, wine tasting events, inventory, all daily operations, e-commerce, online marketing (Facebook, Twitter, etc), and anything else she decides I should do. She just told me that she isn’t going to give me a raise but will be implementing some kind of commission that she hasn’t competently worked out.

Do you think it’s unreasonable for me to ask for a salary increase since I am taking on much more responsibility? And what is the best way to communicate this? I have known her for over 20 years and sometimes find it hard to communicate with her because she has a very strong personality and I tend to let people walk over me (something I have been working on recently but I’m not quite there yet).

Yes, absolutely. You’re taking on more responsibility (and probably more stress) and it’s entirely reasonable to expect to be paid for it. Research what this type of position should pay, and then go to her and say, “I’d like to talk about the salary for the new position. I’ve researched comparable jobs and it seems like a fair salary for the new role would be $X.”

If she tells you she’s working on that commission structure instead, decide if you want that or not — and if you don’t, tell her that you’d prefer to work on a straight salary basis.

Whatever you do, don’t start doing the work without getting this resolved, because once you start the job, your negotiating power goes way down (since you’ll have shown that you’re willing to do the work for less at that point).

2. Can my company require me to use my corporate credit card?

I work for a Fortune 500 company with around 80,000 employees. Our travel policy requires us to pay for travel expenses with our corporate American Express card. This is a card for which we each had to apply and it gets billed to each employee personally and we each personally pay off the debt from our personal accounts. We, of course, get reimbursed for the expenses if we supply a properly filled out travel expense report with a copy of a travel approval form (approved by the correct people) and a copy of a filled out trip report.

I don’t have a problem with all the reports but I feel that if I am supplying the credit, I should get to choose the method of payment. Does the company have the right to make us use this “corporate” card, which really seems like a personal credit card to me?

The policy reads: ‘“The usage of the Corporate American Express Card allows for optimized cash management, data consolidation to be used as negotiation leverage, as well as providing additional insurance coverage to the travellers. Therefore, employees required to travel for company business will be issued with an individual Corporate American Express card (AMEX), debiting their personal accounts. It must be used exclusively for business travel related expenses. It is mandatory that travel expenses are paid with the traveller’s AMEX card or with the traveller’s personal card if the AMEX card is not accepted by a supplier (for example Taxi expenses).”

They do indeed have the right to require you to use the corporate card. That said, I despise policies like this that require employees to use their personal funds for ongoing expenses like regular travel and then get reimbursed; it’s essentially requiring employees to provide a steady stream of short-term, interest-free loans to their employers … and it can pose difficulty for people in tight financial situations.

3. I work for an email spammer

I work in marketing for a small technology firm. Since our firm is unwilling to collect leads the old-fashioned way, we do it in one of the most unethical ways possible—we pull names off of sites like LinkedIn or Jigsaw, use a software program to guess email addresses for them, and then spam them repeatedly. Even worse, I’m in charge of collecting names and addresses, and my name is on all of the emails.

I’ve told my manager I’m uncomfortable with this, and it could get us in trouble. I was told there’s nothing to worry about. I don’t believe that, but I haven’t pressed it.

I’ve been with the company for seven months, but I’m already looking for a new job, because I’m worried about my reputation. What we’re doing may or may not be illegal, but it’s incredibly unethical and I don’t want to be a part of it. I absolutely don’t want my name on it. Am I making too much of this? And if I get an interview, how can I explain my reason for leaving without coming across as a whiner, or trashing my company? I’ve already had one interview that I feel like I bombed, because I couldn’t adequately state my reason for leaving.

I think your manager is right that it’s not illegal, assuming that the company is giving people a way to opt-out of these emails and honoring those requests (and complying with the FTC’s other email regulations). Sending unsolicited emails isn’t illegal in and of itself.

That said, I can see why you feel like it’s scummy and why you don’t want to be involved with it, and I don’t blame you for job searching. And in interviews, it’s perfectly reasonable to say that you’d like to work somewhere with more modern and effective marketing practices, and/or ones that are more in line with your own philosophy about what good marketing looks like.

Meanwhile, any chance that you can pull together some data for your manager showing that other methods would be more effective? It would be great to be able to say in interviews that you’ve done that.

4. Can we make an employee pay for a missed flight?

My company is located in California. I have an employee who missed her flight for a business trip because she cut it too close because she didn’t want to wait very long at the airport. Are we obligated to pay for her second ticket to go to the same place a day later?

California does require employers to pay for or reimburse employees for all business expenses, so yes. However, you can certainly address the missed flight and additional expense with her from a disciplinary perspective.

5. Taking two days off from my new job, which I haven’t started yet

I recently accepted a new position, and will be starting mid-November. My hiring was a pretty quick decision, and I was made an offer within four days of my initial interview. With the winter holidays looming, how do I approach my new boss with how holiday time off is handled? I’m not taking an extensive vacation, I just need two days, either the day before or after Christmas off to travel — I live alone 200 miles from family. How do I handle this situation?

Ideally, you want to cover pre-planned vacation time as part of your negotiations of a job offer, so that you don’t start work and have the request rejected because they need you there to cover while others are away or something like that. But all is not lost. Just email your new boss now and say something like, “I generally take two days off right before or right after Christmas to travel to see my family. Would it be a problem for me to do that next month? If it doesn’t cause problems, I could take either Dec. 23-24 or Dec. 26-27, depending on what’s better on the department’s end.”

The key here is that because you didn’t negotiate it as part of the offer itself, you don’t want to just announce you’re taking those days, before you’ve even started and seen how their culture works around this stuff. Instead you want more of a “would this be okay to do?” approach.

6. My manager’s boss is giving me work that takes me away from what my manager wants me to work on

The head director was previously my direct supervisor when I first started my job two years ago. After a few months, she was promoted. I love her to death and have a very soft spot for her, and when she asks me to do something extra, I will, even if this means coming in on a Saturday or Sunday. Well, most recently, the industry has been slowing down and our company business is down by 70% and layoffs have taken place. My direct manager is stressing our production in a very serious tone, to the point that if we don’t hit our numbers, we have to email her the reason why and what we can do to make sure it doesn’t happen in the future. (Scary right?).

But the director emails me on the side to do extra tasks for her that belong to another team or person (she can count on me to get it done), like typing up meeting agendas, scheduling meetings, making business calls, sitting in on meeting to take notes, and other secretarial work for her. However, lately, this is overflowing into my daily tasks and prevents me from hitting my daily numbers. I don’t want to throw blame and point fingers, because the director is my supervisor’s boss and I would think she would notify my supervisor of the extra things I do for her, but it doesn’t seem like it because I am constantly having to explain why I should keep my job. I don’t like telling my director no, because I know one of the reasons she gives me these tasks is to groom me on upper management skills. It doesn’t seem like the two communicate. I need help because it’s making my work very stressful, and now has caused me to work off the clock to get everything done.

You need to talk to them both, immediately. (And you need to stop working off the clock if you’re non-exempt, because that’s illegal.) Don’t assume they’re communicating about this already, because it sounds like they aren’t — and don’t see it as throwing blame, because it’s not; it’s just clarifying priorities.

Say this to your manager: “Can you give me advice on what to do when Jane asks me to do X, Y, and Z, if it seems like it will interfere with my regular work? I don’t want to say no to her, but it’s pulling me off of the work that you prefer me to focus on.”

And say this to your director: “Petunia has been very clear that she wants me to spend more time on A, B, and C, so I’m hesitant to push those things back. I love helping you, though, so I wonder if we can all talk and figure out the best way to divide my time?”

7. Here’s a good question to ask in job interviews

I’ve read your ebook on how to get a job and the guide on preparing for an interview. When I asked the Magic Question™, the interview panel was floored. “Ooo, good question.” During interview #3, I asked another question that might be worth including in the list: “What are the most critical issues facing your department, and how can the person in this position best help you handle those issues?”

That is indeed a great question. Consider it recommended.

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is this email line insulting?

by Alison Green on November 6, 2013

A reader writes:

I work at a university in an office setting. I share supervision of a student worker with senior-level staff member. I am in my early 30s and in a coordinator position; she is in a senior director position and about 20 years older than me. We both report to the same person.

Today, the student worker sent an email to the both of us telling us that she would have to miss part of an upcoming workday because of an obligation for class, and she ended the email with the line: “Please let me know if you have any questions.”

My coworker wrote back and copied me: “I have no questions…… As a rule of thumb, do not put that in your emails even if you see others doing it. I’ll explain when I see you. :)”

I couldn’t figure out what she meant, and I immediately re-read the first email to see if the student had written anything strange or unusual in that email. I couldn’t find anything. Later, I asked the student if the coworker had clarified her response, and the student told me that the coworker claimed that the line “Please let me know if you have any questions” was insulting. Apparently, she couldn’t quite explain why it was insulting, just that it was.

I am at a loss. I sometimes use the same line to conclude emails, and I never think of it as insulting — superfluous, sure, and unnecessary, as I am certain that people will let me know if they have questions for me regardless of whether I ask them to or not, but I didn’t think there was anything offensive about it.

Have you ever heard anything like this before? Do you have any idea where this might be coming from? Is there some kind of business etiquette I am missing here?

All I can think of is that your coworker meant that’s it’s condescending and/or slightly rude because it should go without saying that people are free to ask you questions (particularly when you are a student worker, they are your managers, and you are writing about taking a day off). But it’s such a standard thing for people to say that I can’t imagine why your coworker felt the need to correct her.

Anyone want to argue the coworker’s viewpoint here?

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how to deal with cold-calling salespeople who won’t take no for an answer

by Alison Green on November 6, 2013

A reader writes:

I’m in a job I really enjoy, but as part of my role, the admin assistant puts through quite a lot of cold calls to me (which always turn out to be advertising calls, but disguised as other things which is why they get put through in the first place!). Usually they’re from ISPs, telephone companies, or software companies who want to sell new products or upgraded service.

At home, I have a variety of tried-and-true techniques for dealing with these people (the most successful one being Caller ID and just not answering my phone to unknown callers – fortunately that’s possible for me!) – but in an office environment, that’s not really possible. And while I’d like to think I’m respectful to everyone who calls me, it’s a bit frustrating to deal with a salesperson who won’t take “No, we’re not interested in that product, thank you” for an answer when simply hanging up the phone isn’t an option like it is at home. Usually I crack under the pressure and end up “agreeing” for them to “check back in a while,” which is definitely wrong for everyone.

So what I was hoping for is a professional and polite way to shut down these conversations before they start and stop giving them excuses to call back – and what the etiquette generally is on this. We have all our numbers added to the Do Not Call register, but sadly there are a million and one exemptions to that (e.g. having an existing business relationship, however tenuous). I get about three of these calls a week, and they’re by far the most frustrating part of my job (which I guess is a good thing!) – but I think that’s just because I don’t know how to handle them professionally, and if I had a reliable way of fobbing these people off they wouldn’t bother me that much.

Strategies I’ve tried so far:
1. Saying I’m not the person who can make those decisions (which, while half-true, just compounds the problem since they then ask who does deal with it…)
2. Saying we have our own supplier purchasing arrangements and we are fine with those (which just leads them into a dialogue about what a good deal they’re offering and how we’d be crazy not to seriously consider their offer…)
3. Agreeing to “think about it” (the worst of all things to say, since it gets them off the phone but guarantees a call back)

Please, please help!

Similar to this post about pushy vendors who show up in person, you need to get comfortable with the idea that you get to decide how much time you spend on the call with salespeople — not them. That means being more assertive and not afraid to just cut people off and end the call.

You can do that by saying politely that you’re not interested once, and then saying it again and hanging up if they persist. For example:

Caller: I’d like to talk to you about your paper supplier. We have some great deals I think you’d be interested in.
You: No, thank you, we’re very happy with our current supplier and aren’t interested in switching.
Caller: Give me just a few minutes; I think you’ll want to hear about the special we’re running this month.
You: No, thank you. Would you please remove us from your list? I appreciate it. Goodbye. (hang up)

Alternately:

Caller: I’d like to talk to you about your paper supplier. We have some great deals I think you’d be interested in.
You: We don’t accept unsolicited sales calls, but you’re welcome to put the information in the mail.
Caller: Give me just a few minutes of your time; I think you’ll want to hear about the special we’re running this month.
You: No, thank you. Have a great day. Goodbye. (hang up)

You also don’t need to get drawn into long interrogations when you know it’s a sales call that you’re not interested in. For instance, if you get a caller who starts asking you obvious sales-oriented questions rather than giving you a direct sales pitch, you can redirect the conversation. For example:

Caller: Who do you currently buy your toner from?
You: We’re happy with our current vendor. Would you please remove our number from your list?
Caller: Aren’t you interested in saving money on a better deal?
You: We’re happy with our current vendor. Please remove our number from your list. Have a good day. (hang up)

The point here is that you’re not at their mercy, stuck talking to them until they agree to end the conversation. You can control what questions you do and don’t answer, how much time you spend on the call, and when it ends. Yes, of course it’s rude to just hang up on someone as soon as you realize it’s a sales call, but you can give them one opportunity to end the call politely, and if they ignore you, you can assert your right to manage your own time by politely ending the conversation yourself.

Now, obviously, if you work for an employer who has directed you to talk to salespeople for as long as the salesperson wants and never to initiate the end of a call with a salesperson, this advice won’t apply. But I doubt that’s the case. Usually what employers want is for you to be polite to callers but assertive about controlling your time. In fact, I’ve been concerned plenty of times about a receptionist spending too long on these calls (out of a desire to be polite), but have never once thought, “Oh, she should have let them finish their sales pitch.” If you have any doubt about this, you can check with your manager — but this is almost certainly what you’ll find.

Be polite, but quickly explain you’re not interested and end the call — whether they’re on board with ending it or not.

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8 ways to persuade your boss to say yes

by Alison Green on November 6, 2013

When you really want to hear “yes” from your boss – whether it’s a proposal for a new program, permission to telecommute, or the go-ahead on ordering a new computer – you can maximize your chances by going about it the right way.

1. Make it easy for your boss to say yes. If you come to your boss with a proposal that’s only partially thought-out or one that would require significant work from her or others before it could move forward, you’re presenting obstacles to a “yes.” Another obstacle is being unclear about exactly what you’d like her to approve: If you simply say, “I’d like to find more ways to be involved with our strategy planning,” she will have to figure out what those ways could be. But if you say, “I’d like to attend the team’s monthly planning meetings,” you’re giving her something specific and easier to okay.

2. Get the timing right. If your company is in the middle cost-cutting or your manager just got reprimanded by her own boss, now probably isn’t the time to make a special request. Make sure you’re considering the full landscape that your boss is dealing with before you make your request.

3. Lay out the business case. Your proposal should explain what’s in it for your company, not just for you. So for instance, if you’re asking to telecommute on Fridays, don’t just explain that it will make it easier for you to pick up your kids from school. It’s fine to mention that as context for why you’re asking in the first place, but you should also point out that you’ll get more done because you’ll be working during the time you’d otherwise be commuting and will end up putting in more hours than if you were working in the office.

4. Show that you’ve thought of pros and cons. If you only lay out the reasons in favor of what you’re requesting, you’ll leave your boss in the position of having to think about and point out the disadvantages. But if you make it clear that you’ve thought through both sides and clearly understand the pros and cons, your credibility will be increased and your argument will be stronger. Related to that…

5. Preemptively offer solutions to the downsides. If you don’t acknowledge the downsides and offer solutions to them, you’ll be leaving your manager to resolve those concerns herself, which makes your request less likely to be granted. So, for instance, if you’re asking for a training class that isn’t in the budget, you might point out that two specific skills you will gain from the training will save the department from hiring outside contractors in the future.

6. Understand answer might need to be “no” for reasons that have nothing to do with you. Managers sometimes have to turn down reasonable and worthy requests because they have to deal with three more pressing requests first, or are restricted by bureaucracy above them, or can’t grant your request without granting five similar ones from your coworkers. Taking the same broad view that your manager has will help you better understand a “no” if you get one, and it can also help you craft a better proposal to begin with.

7. Ask for an experiment, not a lifetime commitment. If your boss seems hesitant to grant your proposal, ask for a limited-time experiment – such as trying telecommuting one day per week for a month and then revisiting it at the end of that time. An experiment is much easier to okay than a permanent policy change.

8. If the answer is ultimately no, find out what it would take to change that. You will sometimes need accept a “no,” but it’s reasonable to ask about what could make that answer different in the future. For instance, if you’re turned down for a raise, ask what you’d need to accomplish in order to earn one. Or if there’s not money in the budget for new software now, ask when you’d need to approach her by in order to get it into next year’s budget.

I originally published this at U.S. News & World Report.

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feeling guilty about leaving law-breaking boss, asking for a far-off raise, and more

by Alison Green on November 6, 2013

It’s seven short answers to seven short questions. Here we go…

1. My boss is breaking laws and promises but I feel guilty about leaving

I began working at a small business this past July, and there have been a few red flags that tell me I shouldn’t be here for much longer. First, my boss hired me as an independent contractor, even though I follow a daily schedule and perform a key role in the company. The reason he gave me is that he can’t afford to pay the necessary taxes for a W-2 employee. Second, he is paying me significantly less than I was promised. When I was interviewed, I was told I’d be working 20 hours per week at a “competitive” rate. But because my job is essential to the business’s success, I work about 40 per week and receive a total of $600 per month. My third issue is that there’s no HR to speak of, and I am regularly harassed by male clients; when I told my boss about these clients, he suggested I start wearing a wedding ring.

I feel guilty for thinking about quitting because my boss has told me on several occasions that I’m “the one” and I’d be leaving the company in a rut. I’m also afraid that potential employers would see that I quit after 4 months and think I’m a flake.

You should have zero guilt about quitting. Any one of these complaints — breaking the law by paying you as an independent contractor when you meet the legal test for an employee, paying less than the rate you agreed to, paying you less than minimum wage, and/or dismissing harassment concerns — would be reason to leave on its own.  All of these are illegal (well, the harassment might not be, if the company is too small to be covered by harassment laws), and big deals.

As for concerns about what to tell future employers, just explain (calmly, without anger) that you agreed to one rate of pay but were paid another one. No one is going to think you’re a flake for leaving over that. Most people would leave over that!

Read an update to this letter here.

2. I don’t want my manager to tell people I’m having surgery

I just learned that I need mandatory surgery, and I plan on telling my immediate boss that I have to be out. I don’t plan on giving him a reason, as it is very personal reason that I don’t feel should be shared. Although it should go without saying, can I ask that he not share it with the rest of the office? It was already spread around the entire office that I received a raise (prior to me finding out and without my permission) and that another coworker was having breast implant surgery (who they now mock). Also what should I do if it shared?

Of course you can ask him not to tell people that you’ll be out for surgery. You can request that he simply say “planned time off” or “planned vacation” or “medical reason” or whatever else you’re comfortable with.

That said, he’s clearly indiscreet and there’s no way to guarantee that he won’t talk anyway. But your best bet is to limit the amount of information he has and explicitly tell him that you don’t want it shared.

3. Manager saw someone watching YouTube at work and freaked out

A coworker was working as an external consultant for a very big European institution in Brussels. He has worked as a consultant for more than 7 years, spoke 5 languages, and worked on 5 out of 7 of the most important projects in our department. He was efficient and hard-working. One day, at lunchtime, he was looking at a video about Tour de France on YouTube, just at the same time when a new manager passed by his office. The manager didn’t like this guy watching a video on YouTube, so he decided to take a picture of his screen with his phone, without this guy noticing. He sent the picture to the directors of the unit, as well as to the consulting company the guy was working for, asking for his inmediate dissmisal. He literally wrote on the email, “I don’t pay your consultants to browse YouTube during working hours.”

Both the regulations of this Europan institutions, as well as the rules of the consulting company, permit a “reasonable personal use of the telecommunications and IT infraestructure during working hours.”

Many people think the reaction of the manager was a bit innapropiated. Some others don’t. I personally don’t know what to think about it. Do you think the reaction of the manager was appropiate in this particular case?

No, of course not. It was ridiculous. The guy could have been taking a lunch break, or sure, maybe he was slacking off for five minutes. Even 10 minutes — horrors! Good managers judge people on what results they get, not on how they spend five minutes here and there.

4. I heard I was going to be promoted, but haven’t heard about it since

I was hired for my current role (associate product manager at a videogame company) less than two months ago, and my intended duties involved managing live games, just helping on sales, weekly events, and basic data analysis. But within just a couple weeks after starting, I was offered the opportunity to take on much more difficult and vital duties, further up the chain for titles still in development. My boss’s boss basically poached me in terms of responsibilities and tasks, and I’ve gotten more and more involved in these duties.

Two weeks ago, my boss’s boss took me aside and told me that I’m being promoted “soon” to full product manager, as that title is more fitting for my level of work and responsibilities. He said that there were issues with P&L that had to be worked out, but otherwise it sounded like it was going to happen for certain. I was completely stunned – I knew I was doing good work above my job title, but I never, ever, expected a promotion so soon.

But since then, I haven’t heard anything regarding this promised promotion. And now I’m having a hard time not thinking about it. I was wondering if you had advice on how to approach my boss’s boss (soon to be my boss, after the promotion), about a more specific time line regarding the promotion. It’s a weird situation, since I never would’ve asked had he not mentioned it, and I don’t want to seem overly eager or aggressive. In the meantime, I’ve just been working hard as usual, and pretending like nothing’s changed.

Go back to him and say, “I was really pleased by your feedback a few weeks ago. I wonder if I can ask you how firm a plan it is to move me to product manager, and what the timeline most likely will look like.” It’s perfectly reasonable to want to follow up on this — you just want to ask for details, rather than push for it to happen right this very second.

5. Can my husband’s company require me to relocate with him?

My husband works for a company in Florida that has terminated him effective at the end of the year because they had informed him that he would need to begin working from the corporate office beginning in January 2014 and that he would need to reside in that area. He informed them that he would be moving, but he was going to move alone and I was going to stay in the area we have lived in for almost 18 years. I am a paralegal and have a wonderful career and would not make anywhere near the same amount of money in the new area.

But since he is not relocating his entire family, he will no longer have a job after December 31. He’s 62 and had planned on retiring from the company that he has been at for almost 13 years. I can find no legal precedent that requires an employee to live with his spouse if he wants to keep his job.

You’re looking for a legal precedent for what the company is requiring, but what you should be looking for are laws prohibiting the company’s requirement. That’s different, and it’s the key point people often misunderstand in employment law. If something isn’t specifically prohibited, it’s generally allowed. I can’t think of anything that would make this illegal, other than that I suppose it might be considered a form of discrimination based on marital status, which is illegal in some states (but not all, and not at the federal level). You’d need to talk to a lawyer to be sure.

6. Asking my manager how to get a raise in a year

We have our annual compensation review coming up, where we’re told what sort of raise and bonus to expect for the coming year. From what I’ve experienced here in the past, it comes out to roughly a 2-3% increase in base pay, and a $1500-$3000 raise — it varies based on the yearly performance review (delivered separately from this discussion) and the pool of funds available company-wide.

My idea is this: I’d like to set up my own meeting with the person that is the decision maker in this regard (and also the department head), before both the formal review conversation and the compensation review, and say something like the following: “I’d like to make $X base pay by 2015. Since this is an Y% increase from where I am now, what could I do over the next period to make myself worth this much to the company?”

Is this a smart conversation to have? If yes, is the timing a good idea? Basically, I’m setting it up as “hey, I don’t expect to get this size increase this time around, so looking ahead, how can I get from here to there in a way that makes it work for you?”

Sure, I think you can do that, if the 2015 salary you’re talking about isn’t outside the norm for your role in your company, or the role you expect to be in then.

7. How to use board members as job leads without angering my current boss

I work for a mid-sized non-profit and have a lot of contact with our very active board members. A number of them have commented over the last few years that they like my work and if I’m ever interested in leaving to let them know. Unfortunately this has almost always been in front of the managing director who reacts negatively to the suggestion (I’m her assistant).

Now that I’m starting to look seriously into finding another job I’d love to leverage the network I’ve managed to build and reach out to the board members for opportunities. One of the board members who has worked as a mentor to me made it clear that when she steps down off our board she’d love to have me come work for her but she’s not willing to ‘poach’ from the organization.

Is there any way I can use my network of high powered board members without setting off political problems or causing sour feelings?

You could ask. Pick one who you trust and have the best rapport with (and who has made this type of comment to you) and say, “You and other board members have made this comment to me, and it’s occurred to me that I don’t know how I’d take you up on that offer when the time came, without causing tension with Jane.” (Keep in mind too that once they think about it, they might realize that there’s no way for them to do that without it posing a conflict of interest in their roles as stewards of your current organization.)

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my husband’s employer shared my salary information with his coworkers

by Alison Green on November 5, 2013

A reader writes:

When my husband first began his employment, one of the forms he had to complete was a tax withholding form that asked for our household income. I make a good salary – not exorbitant, but one that puts us in the mid-range of the 2013 tax brackets for married couples filing jointly. It is also substantially more than what my husband makes. We are both comfortable with this.

Our concern is about how his employer handled this information. Specifically, we assumed, like most employment information, that it would be processed through HR and then kept confidential. However, this is a small company and they do not have a formal HR department. Instead, the owners handle all of the paperwork. In this case, they expressed surprise at how much I make, and told my husband’s coworkers, who then also expressed surprise/interest to my husband (as in “wow your wife sure makes a lot”). Not only do I feel like this was an invasion of our privacy, but I’m also concerned that they are using this information to avoid giving him a raise. Over the two years he has worked there, they have given him consistently positive feedback and increased responsibility. But when he recently requested a raise, they said they couldn’t afford it. A few days after they told him that, they asked my husband’s coworker if I was still making the same salary. This coworker wouldn’t know my salary from us, but he and my husband are friends and he told my husband the owners were asking, as a heads-up to us.

First, should we have ever shared this information with his employer – could we have refused to complete this form? I have never been asked by my employer for my husband’s salary, even for tax withholding purposes, but at the time we thought it was a legitimate request. Also, short of leaving, is there anything my husband can do at this point to prevent them from using my salary against him?

Wow.

First, no, there’s no reason your husband’s employer needed that information. Your husband might use that information to calculate the withholdings he wants on his paycheck, and it’s normal to give employees a form to help them figure that out — but that worksheet isn’t intended to be provided back to the employer with the rest of the tax paperwork. It’s just for your own use.

When your husband’s employer saw that information had been turned back in to them, they should have disregarded it. The fact that they not only looked at it but then chose to discuss it with other people is wildly inappropriate.

There’s no way to know for sure if the employer is using this information to avoid giving your husband a raise, but I can see why your husband suspects it. There’s not really anything he can do to stop that from happening, but he could certainly talk to his manager about it.

If he wants to go that route, he could say something like this: “Jane, I’m uncomfortable with you discussing my wife’s salary with me or with anyone else here. That’s not information that you should ever have had, and it’s certainly not something I’m okay with you discussing with others. I certainly hope that it doesn’t factor into your thinking when we discuss my own compensation.”

The thing is, though, that last sentence is a weird one if they didn’t actually think about your salary when denying him a raise. If it never occurred to them to factor that in (and he was denied a raise for the same reasons anyone else might be denied a raise) but he raises the specter of them doing it anyway, it’s going to come off oddly.

So he might be better off handling it the same way he normally would if he were turned down for a raise — which would mean deciding if he’s still willing to do the job at his current salary and looking at other jobs if he’s not.

But either way, this is a real misstep on his employer’s part, and he should take it as a sign that they can’t be trusted to be discreet with other potentially sensitive information in their possession.

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can we ban smelly foods in the office microwave?

by Alison Green on November 5, 2013

A reader writes:

We have an employee at work who has been bringing in some pungent food and heating it up in the microwave oven. I have received a complaint or two of the smell, and a number of vendors who’ve come to our office have commented on the smell as well. One employee shared that the smell makes her sick, even nauseous at times. This employee with the stinky food sits close by to the front door, so any visitors (which mainly consist of our firm’s clients) would be sure to get a good sniff as well. She always heats up this food and takes it back to her cubicle to eat it there. Even if I asked her to limit the eating to the designated eating area, the smell would still travel, as our office space is not that big and the lunchroom where she heats it up is central.

Is this something that can be safely and appropriately brought up to the employee, about her bringing in smelly food? Do I have legitimate grounds as her supervisor to bring up this issue? We are a professional firm and should maintain a professional environment, but even beyond that, her food is irritating other workers and potentially affecting their productivity and concentration.

Would it be fair to enforce some kind of policy or make a general office etiquette announcement that suggests people eliminate heating up any foods with strong odors? Along with explaining that we need to maintain a professional working environment, especially keeping our clients in mind and that these kinds of odors do not help maintain one, but rather can be overwhelming and disturbing to others, both to visitors and those within…?

There are others who also heat up some smelly food time to time in the office with the microwave, so it isn’t entirely just this one employee. It’s just that she does it more regularly than others.

Also, I should note, this particular employee (with the smelly food) can tend to be quite sensitive and moody from time to time. When she is annoyed, she can be very harsh to others and in general, does not have a very positive working relationship with the other staff.

Sure, you can absolutely have a policy against heating up strong-smelling food in the office microwave, and plenty of offices do.

You want to make sure, of course, that your policy isn’t unfairly targeting people of a particular ethnicity or national origin, who might bring in foods that smell different than what the rest of your employees are used to. So your policy needs to tackle strong smells across the board, both in wording and in how you enforce it. But yes, it’s entirely reasonable to have a policy that says something like, “For the comfort of employees and visitors, foods that produce strong smells should not be microwaved or consumed in the office.”

Of course, even after the implementing that policy, you might still discover that people don’t always realize that their food smells strongly to others, and if that happens, then you’d need to tell them. As in: “Jane, would you mind not heating up fish and similar foods in the office microwave? The smell carries pretty strongly.”

If, in response to that, the employee asserts her right to cook whatever she wants, you can explain that no, in fact the office doesn’t allow foods that produce strong smells to be cooked there, end of story.

Also … if you’re not already tackling her tendency to be rude to others, you’ve got to take that on too — it’s more important than the microwave issue. You need to let her know that you expect her to be pleasant and polite to her coworkers, even if she’s annoyed, and you need to hold her to that standard, just like you would with any other part of her job.

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