Ask a Manager

It’s seven short answers to seven short questions. Here we go…

1. I feel awful about firing someone

This past month, I fired someone for the first time (background, I’m in my mid-20s and have been in a management position for less than a year after being suddenly promoted). It was certainly warranted — poor performance, lying, and never-ceasing argumentative behavior. Despite the fact that I well-documented the behavior and performance (HR even called me their “best student” because of how thorough my documentation was), I am left feeling, for the lack of a better word, haunted by this decision. Despite the relief in my department that her termination has brought, I have mixed feelings of guilt and like I’m the person who did something wrong. I even have recurring nightmares that she’s back at work to some varying degree.

I want to move forward for the sake of my current employees and the upcoming replacement, but I feel near-traumatized by the experience that was this termination. It was awful, as you would expect from such a meeting — I was anxious and feeling guilty, plus I felt abandoned by my boss, who mixed up the time so she was on the other side of town when she was supposed to be there for the meeting as well. I have had a hard time trusting her in the aftermath of this ordeal. Are these feelings normal and expected for a new manager? I didn’t expect firing to be easy, but I didn’t expect to be feeling like shit about it well after it’s over. Any tips for moving on and forward?

It’s normal for firings to be hard and to feel guilty even when you know the decision was the right one — even when the person was warned and chose not to change their behavior. Firing is hard. But what you’re describing — ongoing anxiety and guilt — sounds outside the normal range of reactions. There’s some advice here about how to deal with firings, but it also might help to talk your reaction over with your manager or another mentor, or even with peers who have had to fire people. Ultimately what you want is to come to see this as something that was difficult, yes, but (a) warranted, (b) not without warning to the employee, and (c) a reasonable part of the job of managing.

2. How to welcome a transgender employee

My workplace has recently hired a transgender woman. I personally think this is awesome (as far as I know, she’s the first trans person), but I’m wondering if I should reach out to her and make the extra effort to be welcoming, or if this is creepy and invasive.

I don’t work directly with her, and am unlikely to see her very often, but we do have some non-work interests in common and she seems to be someone that I’d actually like to know, socially. I also know that our workplace has a particularly awesome Ally group (as in, Ally and everyone actually in the LGBTQIAA-etc spectrum) that she might find useful.

However, she passes reasonably well and we have not been Officially Told (I mean, you can tell, but it didn’t even really register on me til later, and I was doing a quick Google on some of my new colleagues – which I do regularly – and found a website profile that mentions that she is transgender). I’m not sure if she’d like it to be brought up, as it isn’t really relevant to her job and as far as I can tell, nobody has given her cause to feel unwelcome or in need of support.

If I don’t reach out to her, it will not impact me at all, and will never be noticed that I did nothing. But I would like to be welcoming (and I do think it’s really awesome).

If you think she’s someone who you’d like to get to know better, you should absolutely reach out and be friendly and welcoming. But you can do that in the exact same way that you would with any other coworker; there’s no need to make it about the fact that she’s transgender or to bring it up on your own or otherwise make a big deal out of it. Just be welcoming to her, and you’ll have accomplished your mission.

3. Did my employer overpay me or was this a gift?

I work full-time at a grocery store and I recently took a week’s paid vacation. When I returned to work and payday came around, I received no check. I told the store manager and he said, “Sorry about that, what we’ll do is get you some petty cash to get you through the week and then next Thursday we’ll just pay you for both weeks.” I figured he just misspoke and what he meant was that he’d give me some cash now and the rest would go into my next paycheck. So he gave me $300 in cash, but then the next week they paid me in full for both weeks. It’s been a few weeks now and still no one has said anything. So, do you think they meant to gift me the money or did they just forget to get it back from me? Do you think they will figure it out eventually?

I think it doesn’t matter, because that’s not your money and you need to return it — unless they tell you explicitly that it’s yours. Go to them and explain what happened and ask if you should return the cash you were given. They’ll say yes or no, and then you’ll know what you were intended to do with it and then can either return if that’s what was intended or can keep it if that’s what was intended. Keeping money that wasn’t intended for you is not among these options.

4. Name change confusion

I recently got married (less than two months ago) and am currently searching for a new position. I’ve been using my maiden name because a) I haven’t changed everything over yet and b) all my professional work is done in my maiden name. I just sent a quick thank-you email to my interviewer and realized that although my actual email was MaidenName@gmail.com, it was showing up as “New Name (MaidenName@Gmail.com)”. I didn’t address my name change at all in the interview, and feel like it’s inappropriate/weird to send a follow-up on the thank you regarding the new name that would appear in his inbox. Should I just ignore it and bring it up in the next round of interviews if I make it that far? Or email?

It’s not a big deal. Most people are used to seeing some variation of this from people now and then, due to the complications around marital name changes. I wouldn’t worry about it — although you might make a point of making sure that everything with your name on it is set up to be consistent with the way you want it going forward, at least as far as the ways in which those things might intersect with your job search.

5. Can my manager make me do this?

I wanted to know if it’s illegal for a manager to make their employee to clean up animal feces, such as rat feces, if it’s not a part of the employee’s job description

No. There is no anti-poo-cleaning law.

6. My boss hasn’t paid me the money I lent him

I migrated to U.S. ~10 years ago, am very well paid, and have a million dollar home in very good community. My and my manager’s homes are nearby. My manager always asks me to coordinate his landscaping and house work. He asks me to pay for the same and collect the payment from him later. No issues, I can do this. However, he never pays me back. (I will stop reminding after reminding 1-2 times.) Compared to our salary/bonus, this is not a big amount, but still it bothers me. I want to get my money back.

I migrated to U.S., so I don’t know how to properly express this without offending him. Can you please help?

Send him an email that says this: “Bob, the landscaping and house work reimbursements total $X. I’ll stop by your office to pick up a check later this week, unless you prefer something different.” If you then stop by his office to pick up the check and he doesn’t have it, say, “I figure we should get this squared away because it’s adding up. When should I come back for it?” Don’t let this drop though — he owes you this money, and you should get it. Keep following up (pleasantly) until you do.

7. How to work with a low-performing student worker

I am a part-time contractor at a university. A student worker reports to my manager. While I do not have authority over this student worker, I am expected to give her work and explain to her how to do projects. While this worker started off fairly conscientiously, she effectively took the summer off without ever telling my manager as much. Now she is back on campus and at work again.

Since the beginning of summer, I have been trying to follow up with her on various projects, and most recently have had to send her 4 emails asking for a spreadsheet for her to get it to me. She didn’t finish completing it, so I had to ask her to fill in column X as we discussed when I gave her the project.

Earlier today, I told my manager that I have been having trouble getting into from this student worker and my manager promised to talk to her (this is at least the second time she has done this). Now I can either let my manager talk to her or update my manager that the worker did get me the info, but didn’t do the project properly (again, not the first time this has happened and I also discussed that with the manager today). This student employee is 18 or 19 and has no professional decorum. I will need to continue to give her projects and receive the completed projects to do my job, and it is getting to be a drag. In future, how should I handle working with this student employee?

Tell your boss about the problems you’re having. Make sure she knows that there’s a pattern. Additionally, be clear with the student worker about what you need her to do differently — e.g., “It’s difficult for me to have to follow up with you multiple times to get items sent to me. Can you be more vigilant about sending them on the first request?” and “I’ve noticed some work is coming back to me without all the details completed. I’m looking for X, Y, and Z on projects like this. Can you be sure to include them in the future?” And so forth.

And if the problems continue, you’ll need to let your manager know that you’re not getting what you need and what the impact is on your work.

It’s seven short answers to seven short questions. Here we go…

1. Fired for sleeping on the job

Do you think someone should be fired if they are caught sleeping on the job but are in school and work full-time?

Sleeping on the job is a Really Big Deal no matter what the reason. In many workplaces, yes, it will get you fired. Personally, I wouldn’t fire someone on the spot for a single occurrence of it if they were otherwise a great employee, but I’d certainly make it clear that it couldn’t happen again, no matter the reason. And sure, if I knew it was linked to the rest of their life being over-scheduled, I’d talk with them about whether they realistically thought they were able to keep up the current pace and still be 100% at work — but the ultimate handling wouldn’t be much different.

The thing that bugs me about this question is that it sounds like you’re implying that going to school while working full-time should excuse behavior that otherwise wouldn’t be okay. And it doesn’t really work like that — you’re expected to perform at the same level as everyone else, regardless of what other commitments you take on (kids, school, a passion for community theater, or whatever).

2. Did my colleague list her positions wrong on LinkedIn?

My question is about the correct way to list maternity leave on a resume or LinkedIn profile. I worked with a woman at a previous company who received a promotion six weeks before going on maternity leave, which lasted approximately four months. When she returned to work, the company had been acquired and she had a new title with the new company (from senior account manager to project manager, so likely different responsibilities). Her LinkedIn profile states that she held the first position for four months before the acquisition took place, when realistically she only held it for six weeks. What would you suggest for situations like this? To me it appears misleading to future employers, but I wanted to get your opinion too.

When it comes to jobs, the difference between six weeks and four months is negligible — they’re both extremely short and employers aren’t likely to be impressed by either. That was her job during that time, despite the fact that she was away for much of it, and it’s not unreasonable to list it the way she did on LinkedIn. Given that we’re talking such a very short period of time, employers are really unlikely to think anything of it.

3. How can I help my partner write better cover letters?

Since starting to read your blog (almost religiously now) my cover letters have dramatically improved. “Best cover letter I’ve ever read!” say friends. Great, right?

My partner is looking for a new job. She’s been applying to jobs that are good fits in many ways. However, she writes bad cover letters. “I’m a hard worker and a team player” bad. Nothing offensive, just canned and not adding anything to the resume. When she asks me to edit, I’ve tried rewriting things so they are more compelling, but am trying not to interfere as much. I’ve tried talking them out loud with her, asking her to tell me a story of what makes her a great supervisor, or about her technical expertise in an area. She fumbles and doesn’t come up with much, and her cover letter doesn’t change.

I am trying not to meddle, but really want to see her get some interviews, and I suspect these cover letters aren’t doing her any favors. Any suggestions on how to help? I learned by reading your blog every day for over a year, but that’s a little time consuming.

Can you show her examples of some strong cover letters (yours and/or the ones here), so that she has a better idea of what they can look like? And if you’re able to tell about how changing the way you wrote your own letters increased the number of interviews you got, that could be helpful too. But beyond that, I’m not sure that there’s much you can really do — you can’t write them for her, so all you can really do is point her to resources, and then it’s up to her what she does with them.

4. Should I use a job application tracking site that requires me to log in with Facebook?

Recently I have received a couple of automated replies to job applications, inviting me to track my application with Jobvite. Great! Except it requires you to log in with your Facebook account, which I’m sure then gives the recruiter access to your social network page. Isn’t this a step too far? Do recruiters really need to know about your family and friends and your social life? I would like to track these applications but I am very reluctant to log on with Facebook, I don’t have anything to hide but I feel it’s an invasion of privacy.

I hate this trend of sites requiring you to log in via Facebook and not allowing you to register any other way — because not everyone wants their entire life linked to Facebook, and because not everyone has a Facebook account and it’s odd to assume that they do. I’d encourage you to write to this site and tell them that you’re not using their service because it requires a Facebook login and ask them to change their set-up.

5. My boss didn’t pay me for canceled work

I work as a swimming teacher and one morning my boss texted me to say some of the children had cancelled and so she didn’t need me to work. I later found that I wouldn’t be paid for that time. I would understand this, but the lessons are paid in blocks so if a child misses a lesson, my boss is still paid for that time. When questioning her, I was told that I wasn’t paid as my boss had lost the money, but I know that isn’t true. Is this legal and should I be paid? (This is the only job i have and so it funds my living, traveling, and food.)

Unless you’re an exempt employee (which it doesn’t sound like you are) or have a contract that specifies a different arrangement, your boss does not have to pay you for time you didn’t actually work. So the issue here isn’t your boss not paying you, but rather the fact that it sounds like she lied to you, which is lame.

You could try to negotiate a different arrangement with her going forward, though — you could point out that lessons are paid in advance and you block off that lesson time as being unavailable for you to take on other paying work, and you could ask for an arrangement where you’re paid for canceled lessons (or for lessons not canceled at least X days beforehand, or something like that). Your boss wouldn’t be obligated to agree, but you could try to negotiate this just like anything else. (And put it in writing if you succeed.)

6. Should I have an auto-reply for potential employers while I’m on vacation and away from email?

I am going on vacation in two weeks, without email access, and I have many applications out in the job market. I’m not expecting anything to come my way while on vacation, but I keep having nightmares of coming back to find that I got a bite on Monday, but my non-response for the better part of a week has shot me in the foot. Would you recommend putting up an out of town auto-reply for my personal email account? Or something else?

Yes, absolutely put up an auto-reply explaining that you’re away and when you’ll be able to access email again. That said, if there’s any way to check your email once or twice while you’re gone (and you’re willing to compromise your vacation in that way), it might be worth doing. Some employers will be willing to wait once they see your explanation, but others may move on with other candidates if they see you’re not available to respond. So it’s really a calculation about how much you’re willing to risk that.

7. Helping an employee who speaks English as a second language

I recently inherited an employee who speaks English as a second language. She’s a good employee — hard worker and very open to feedback — but her role is one that involves a lot of client interaction and internal project management, and I feel like her current level of English comprehension is holding her back. Specifically, many clients have a hard time understanding her on the phone, and I have a hard time explaining concepts in a way I feel like she fully understands.

Do you have any tips for I can work better with her and help her grow in her career?

I’d tell her the ways in which she’s doing a good job but be honest with her about the ways that you’re seeing the language barrier holding her back. From there, suggest classes or self-study — and if you can adjust her work schedule to ensure she’s able to pursue those options, that would be especially nice.