Ask a Manager

Remember the letter-writer who was getting ready to leave for a new job and one of her current coworkers wouldn’t stop badmouthing her soon-to-be-new boss? (#5 at the link) Here’s the update.

I’ve just finished my first week at the new job. So it’s still very early to tell, but here’s what I’ve learned.

* The person who was previously in the team I’m now in (let’s call him Larry Ex-Employee) who was badmouthing the boss (let’s call him John New-Boss) and job (so, just to keep track, Larry Ex-Employee is the romantic partner of the person I managed at my former job… let’s call her Cindy Ex-Teammate) very clearly did not get along with the boss. I’ve had this confirmed by people who I now work with, who were there at the time. But they don’t put the blame fully on John New-Boss. In fact they also mention that Larry Ex-Employee was hard to deal with too. In fact, when Larry left, he expressed concern to his teammates that maybe he shouldn’t be leaving, maybe it was too soon, etc. According to my new teammates, when they told Larry that they had found someone new (me), he reacted with what they believed was jealousy and perhaps insecurity.

* John New-Boss, who Larry badmouthed, is a unique person, but either he’s not as bad as Larry said, or he’s learned their lesson. In our first week, John and I have had several conversations about personality types, and management styles, and while John admits that he can be blunt or insensitive at times, he expressed the realisation to me that he is aware of it, and welcomes me to let him know if this is the case in any given moment.

* For my own part, I started to read up on resources to help deal with difficult people in the workplace. I realised that most of my anxiety around this situation was based on memories of conflicts that had happened in the past, and my own lack of confidence in dealing with conflicts. So it prompted me to put time and work into that.

* One last piece of the puzzle: why did Cindy Ex-Teammate, who I managed in my previous job, take such relish in repeating the warnings of Larry was giving them? Well, apparently Larry had told his old workmates (my new workmates) that when Cindy had found out I was leaving and would no longer be her manager, she got somewhat emotional and a little resentful that I was leaving. Which may explain why she started to undermine my expectations of the new job.

Remember the letter-writer whose coworker spent the day eating, burping, watching bizarre YouTube videos, and then would ask her for hugs? Here’s the update.

After suffering through increasingly obnoxious levels of gross from my office mate, I finally could not take it anymore and decided that I couldn’t continue to sit there day after day, desperately thinking of ways to cling to my sanity. I had to come up with a short term plan in addition to a long term plan that would include finding other employment eventually…but in the meantime, I was in no position to quit my job because some asshat was looking for pervy hugs and endless YouTube entertainment. I may have mentioned this already, but I am a 40-year-old widowed mother of two small children, which means I am my only source of health insurance and income. My late husband had no life insurance at the time of his death, so it’s not as if I’m sitting on a small nest egg that I could use to tide me over until a better job opportunity came along. I have to be practical and provide for my children and if that means putting up with uneducated swine at my office, then so be it, but I was hoping to find a way to make it more tolerable.

Since my office is a very small world, so to speak, I was worried about repercussions of my complaining or “tattling,” as it was sure to be seen as. One day I finally decided that I simply didn’t care if I looked like a whiner to everyone else once word got out that I complained about this otherwise sweet, funny, endearing hillbilly that everyone else adored. I knew my boss well enough to know that while he may end up telling the offender it was me who complained, a passive letter to him about the situation would get his attention and force him into action. I’m a bit frustrated that he didn’t nip it in the bud in the first place, but that’s reality.

I wrote my boss a quick and short but very pleasant email, requesting that I be allowed to wear ear buds while at my desk. I went on to say that I would still be able to hear the phone to answer it, would quickly take them out when anyone came to my desk to speak with me, etc. I cited the loud music videos and tractor pulling contests on YouTube and such as “a bit of a distraction when I am entering data or conducting business on the phone” as the reason for my request.

I knew for a fact that I would never be granted permission to wear earbuds; it’s just not feasible in my job. Of course that’s not why I wrote the email to my boss. I simply wanted him to be aware of a TINY amount of what was going on and I knew that this was a way to have him address the issue. Within minutes of sending the email, my boss, who was actually out in the field working, got the email on his phone and called me immediately. He was concerned, and we never addressed the earbuds at all but instead got to the heart of the problem and he said he would take care of it immediately and if the behavior continued, he wanted to know ASAP. By the next morning, the office mate made himself more scarce and did not blast the videos and 1970’s era old timey country music performances as he had been.

I did not get blowback from others in my office, but I did have some very loud comments made to me by my lovely officemate, only when my boss was not around, naturally. There would be a little conversation between him and other workers and all of a sudden he’d raise his voice to make sure I heard him and say something like, “Well god forbid I look at a YouTube video.” Or “You all better not click onto YouTube because apparently it ‘bothers’ some people around here.” Quite typical comments that someone would expect to hear coming from a narcissistic asshat.

Things were much better. The slurping and burping and belching and such were still a problem but at least the blaring bullcrap had stopped. Interestingly, he decided to retire a few months later. I guess coming to work just wasn’t as fun for him anymore. Besides the birth of my children, his first day of his retirement was one of the best days for me. I feel like my sanity is somewhat restored and I don’t feel as much dread when I am at my office.

Overall, I do feel that I need to find a different job, one that fits my personality better. My job is stable, although not particularly well paying, and generally the people I work with are great and helpful. I work for a small city government and unfortunately most of the interactions I have with the public are negative because they are usually very angry about a slight they think the city has foistered upon them…like requiring them to actually pay their utility bill. I am a very non-confrontational person and I also don’t think paying my own way is a bad thing, so it’s a bit unnerving to be in a job that in itself requires me to enter into combative situations with a public who has no problem calling me names or making outrageous demands that no sane person could fulfill..and even if I could, these same people would complain that it wasn’t good enough. There’s a lot of negativity and it’s killing my soul. I do need to find other employment but I’m not sure what that would be, to be quite honest. In the meantime, I have to make do to provide for my children and suck it up when the going gets rough.

I hope my update is helpful to anyone else that may be reading about it..or at least gives someone else a bit of a distraction from their own belching, slurping, hugging perv at the office.

Remember the manager asking about a high-performing but high-drama employee? Here’s the update.

I took the advice of several of the writers to do a debrief. So at our next regular monthly meeting, we talked through one of these stressful scenarios in great detail: what happened, how she felt, how others on the team were affected and what led to the project eventually getting completed on time.

We came out of that meeting with some good talking points. When stressful situations have arisen since, I’ve been able to point her back to that discussion, which helps her refocus.

Additionally, in that meeting she mentioned that she was feeling a lot of stress from a side-project which she didn’t feel well-suited for. I was able to take that task off her plate. And I think that went a long way in relieving her current stress level.

What I took away was the importance of really talking through these difficult situations, even if it is after the fact.

Although I wouldn’t call this a solved problem, I think it’s opened the door for us to communicate better about these issues. I don’t know if taking the side-project off her plate was the right call necessarily, but it gave me better insight into what she was thinking and feeling. And in the future when I need to delegate something similar to her, I’ll be more aware of how it might affect her and can be more proactive about addressing those potential issues.

Remember the reader whose coworker was covertly taking cell phone photos of her and others during staff meetings? Here’s her update.

First of all, I feel bad that I didn’t end up posting in that thread. The day that my question was posted, there was a death in my family so I wasn’t able to respond to some of the comments the way I would have liked. So, I’d like to just thank everyone for their input. I read through it later and, as always, there were some simply wonderful comments. So thank you and your readers for that. It was helpful just knowing that the situation was indeed bizarre and that I wasn’t overreacting.

On to the update. Since this guy is a director in my department, I felt less able to be as forceful as I might have been with a coworker who was at my level, as some commenters guessed. My HR representative has a wonderful reputation, so I took a chance and gave her a call. She couldn’t share details, of course, but this guy is on their radar for a variety of things. Knowing that, I felt as though if he tried to make trouble, he wouldn’t have a whole lot of credibility.

So, the next staff meeting, I kept an eye on him and every time he picked up his phone and started pointing it in my direction, I just stared directly at the phone so that if he was taking pictures, he would see me looking back with what I hope was a “I know what you’re doing, jerk” look on my face. It may have just come across as psychotic rage, but either way, it worked because he has not taken out his phone in my presence since. Also, I suspect that my HR rep spoke with my manager about him in general after my call, because suddenly, he is no longer giving anyone projects and/or feedback. It’s all being done by our “big” director, which is a very good thing. And that is where is stands today. He wasn’t frog-marched out of the building for being an intrusive weirdo, but sometimes you have to take what you can get.

The letter from the person whose boss was insisting on being the “life coach” for all his employees was one of my favorite this year. Because, absurdity! Here’s the update.

About two weeks after I initially emailed you and my story was posted, I made the decision to resign from my position in the company. Upon sharing my decision with our operations manager, he informed me that he had already decided to resign as well. We both decided to wait through the weekend until Monday morning to give them our notice. Friday at the close of business, both he and I were called into a meeting by the CEO of this company (AKA: life coach) where we were let go due to “company restructuring.” Surprise surprise! No severance pay was given, accrued vacation and sick time were not paid, the last month of earned commissions were not paid, and back wages were paid over the course of an entire month. Needless to say, we left feeling used, abused and taken advantage of.

Over the course of the next month, things went from bad to worse for the employees as they no longer had an advocate on their side. As a result, eight of the nine other FT employees left the company of their own volition, despite my strong desire to tell them all to run! The CEO of the company was forced to return to the field and run what used to be a four team operation all by himself.

Where the company stands today none of us actually know. The reports from friends of friends of the CEO are that it is better than ever since he has “been able to regain control of his company.” Disgruntled clients have contacted me and our operations manager on our cell phones begging us for help as they are no longer being serviced with the same quality and efficiency as before. Will the business survive? Will the customers maintain loyalty in light of the now subpar customer service? Will they be able to land a new customers from this point forward? Will they be able to ever keep full-time employees? But most importantly, is it only time before an employee gathers enough evidence and nerve to take them to court and sue them? In my opinion, absolutely!

As for myself, I personally contacted legal counsel but was told I did not have enough hard-core evidence worth pursuing. The legal fees alone would cost more than the restitution. So I took a couple of months off to travel and recover. Once I left that place, I felt battered, to say the least! I have been actively looking for employment for the past month in the human resources/project management field with little to no success. It seems that HR jobs in my area are few and far between. Per the suggestion of one of my recruiters, this week I decided relocation was an option and opened up my availability to a national level. As for the other employees, 6 of the 8 have found other employment. The other two are in the same boat I am in – simply waiting for market availability.

But I have to say, despite all of the heartache that came with this position, we have made and continue to maintain great friendships with our previous peers. And we all have walked away having learned a big lesson. If at any time a manager tells you that they want to be your life coach run for the bloody hills! And in all seriousness, if something doesn’t feel quite right or kosher about what your employer is asking you to do, then that is a sign that you should start asking questions and document document document!

Websites like yours really are such a blessing for people like me who are needing professional, confidential and unbiased help for their situation. I personally thank you for all of your help. Your professional advice as well as the responses of the readers to my unique problem were validating and helped me tremendously get through each of the last few days of my time there in that dysfunctional company. 

Remember the reader whose mother kept telling her that she wouldn’t possibly get any of the jobs she interviewed for? They live together, which made the situation harder. Here’s her update.

When I wrote to you originally, I was at a point where I was really feeling defeated. You weren’t the first person to tell me to stop talking to my mother about interviews and my job search at large.

Prior to your posting my question, I knew I was going to limit what I told my mother about the interview I had that day. And when I got home, although my mom started off by asking how it went, it quickly segued into, “Why do you keep going after these jobs that are so far out of reach?” I said, “I don’t think that’s a fair assessment.” She said I was taking it too personally, and I explained that this is the way her statements are coming off. We ended the discussion soon after that.

While I didn’t get the job I interviewed for, it was truly one of the best interviews I’ve had in a long time – if not ever. I left the interview feeling excited, that I could do the job and do it well and that it would have been a good fit. It really provided the confidence boost I needed. I can take that positive experience with me, as I continue to interview for the foreseeable future. I truly believe that I’m on the right track as far as my job search goes. I’m continuing to get interviews (and now that I’m a regular reader and have gone through some of your older posts), and I’ve seen you mention in the past that when you stop getting interviews it’s time to make changes.

Over the last month, I’ve really tried to take your and the readers’ comments to heart and tried to put your advice into action. I had an interview recently and it happened to fall on a holiday. I tried to claim I was off because of the holiday, but it didn’t work very well. I didn’t tell her where I was interviewing and didn’t really provide any details until I came back. I provided as few details as I could, when pressed. I thought this was the best course of action.

Unfortunately, I just found myself in another discussion with my mother about my job search. Clearly, my efforts to deflect are not going as well as I thought. She feels that I should start looking outside “the box” and not just look at colleges – look at hospitals, banks, residential facilities/psych wards. She feels the competition for administrative positions in higher ed is too high and I just don’t have enough concrete experience to result in a job offer. I know competition is high, especially for administrative positions. And I understand what she’s saying, that I shouldn’t only apply to one type of job, which I can attest to that I’m not. But her suggestion that I apply for things so far outside the box, like a psych ward, isn’t likely to serve me well or get me where I ultimately want to go. They’re more likely to pigeonhole me in a whole new way.

At this point, I’ve come to realization that I may just have to listen to her (though not act on her advice), and let her say what she needs to say.