how the hell does networking work anyway?

by Alison Green on October 15, 2013

A reader writes:

Can you explain networking? I still don’t really get it. I have many years (decades) of experience and so fortunately, I know a lot of people, and the people I know tend to know a lot of people too. I have gotten jobs in the past through people I know, but it was more a matter of someone I know knows I am looking for a job, and either recommends me to someone they know, or hires me. What I mean is that it has happened rather organically.

Now you might be saying, “Well, that’s it! That’s networking!” If that’s the case, then I am doing it. But what confuses me is the idea of being introduced to someone in my field, the friend of an acquaintance or the acquaintance of a friend or something like that, and… then what?

I have a few people who are kindly offering to “put me in touch with so and so” who is in my field or a closely related field. So say either they virtually introduce us, or I send a note explaining the connection and that my contact suggested I contact them. Then what?

You can find my answer to this question — and answers from three other career experts as well — over at the Fast Track by Intuit QuickBase today.

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my company throws A List and B List parties for employees

by Alison Green on October 15, 2013

This post was originally published on March 29, 2010.

A reader writes:

I am a “peak period employee” of a large company. Although I have worked 1000+ hours per year for them every year for the last decade, employees of my status are not invited to the annual holiday party. This is reserved for full-time permanent employees, and is usually a very splashy affair: evening dress, wine, dancing, etc.

In 2009 the human resources department inaugurated a B-list party (my term, not their term). Employees not invited to the A-list party were invited to go to a local $9.99 buffet that features plastic bibs emblazoned with the slogan “Put on a Bib! Oink! Oink! Pig out on Ribs! Oink! Oink!” Several tepid speeches were given, and paper awards handed out to all.

I will not be attending this party next year, if it is given. Non-attendees of the 2009 B-list party were gently chastised for not showing up to claim their holiday thank-you certificate (not quite all A-list people got year-end cash bonuses, but most did. No B-listers ever get them, even when vastly outperforming A-listers at the same job in far fewer hours).

I find it difficult to believe that my company does not understand that having two separate but unequal parties is just rubbing salt in the wound. I will say something in our end-of-season job satisfaction survey about this, but are they really going to pay attention to an anonymous survey response? If I approach HR about this will I merely sound trite and whiny? How seriously would you take this as a manager?

Yeah, this is a weird (and rude) practice. It’s hard to imagine how someone thought this wouldn’t produce resentment, irritation, and mockery.

That said … I wouldn’t make a big deal of it, because there are bigger things to care about. Things like: Do you have a fair and effective manager? Are you given clear goals and expectations? Do you receive recognition for good work, and feedback about ways you can do better? Do you have the resources to do your job? How’s the pay? Do you like the people you work with?

Now, if these dual parties are representative of other poor treatment from the company, then that’s an issue … but in that case, you should be focusing on those bigger issues anyway. If they’re not, and it’s just some weird and misguided decision on their part, I’d let it go. Enjoy it for the piece of ridiculousness it is and don’t dwell on it too much beyond that.

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update: how soon can you tell if a job isn’t right for you?

by Alison Green on October 14, 2013

Remember the reader who started a new job and was already feeling it wasn’t right for her, only two days in? Here’s her update.

As I mentioned in the comments of that post, my issue was not with the work environment or my coworkers, it was the subject matter of the work. The company only works on hospitals and healthcare facilities. (At my interview, I was told it was about 60% healthcare and 40% other types of public buildings.) I am extremely squeamish and have been known to faint at the sight of blood, but figured with hospital design there’s no blood, right? There’s not but there’s constant discussion of it and procedures and medical and surgical equipment…

During my first week, I survived without fainting at work, but the subject matter stuck with me outside of working hours. I can usual deal with bloody TV and movies by looking away for a moment, but after a day of thinking about hospitals I couldn’t recover as quickly. I started having trouble sleeping; every time I relaxed and closed my eyes, I’d picture a ER and scare myself alert. (And yes, I was and still am speaking with a therapist about this phobia.)

After a month, I was still uncomfortable and started job hunting again. A friend mentioned that his company was hiring, I interviewed and was offered a new position. Overall, I feel kind of foolish for having taken the job knowing my reaction to hospitals, but I was so enamored of the company from my interviews with them that I brushed off my concerns. 

Thanks for answering my question and I really appreciate getting all the opinions from you and your readers.

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update: I talked to my colleague’s husband and now she’s making false complaints about me

by Alison Green on October 14, 2013

Remember the letter-writer who had talked with her coworker’s husband at an office party, which seemed to lead to the coworker making constant false noise complaints against her? Here’s the update.

All was quiet after I spoke to my boss……until Friday! She sent another email, copying my boss and his boss. This time she memorized the conversation I had with a coworker (that lasted about 10 seconds), put that in the email, and said that if she heard my conversation then the people meeting in the conference room across from me must have, and if I wanted to discuss these issues further with Boss A/and or Boss B she’d be happy to.

I wrote my boss and said I did not respond to her email because when we spoke last he said he would talk to her the next time she complained and try to figure out where she was coming from with all this. I also told him the conversation she reiterated to him lasted exactly 10 seconds, and that her comment about the people in the conference room made no sense because her door was open, their door was shut, and frankly they don’t care about a 10-second conversation I had with a coworker! I haven’t heard back from anyone on this, so I will keep you updated.

I don’t know if I’m overreacting, but this seems to be veering off into VERY weird territory. I don’t want to seem dramatic, but at this point I’m starting to feel harrassed, and creeped out that this woman is listening so intently to my conversations and memorizing them to try to get me in trouble. I’m almost embarrassed for her.

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update: after I resigned, my boss asked me to drive 1,000 miles at my own expense

by Alison Green on October 14, 2013

Remember the reader who resigned only to have her boss insist that she drive 1,000 miles — at her own expense — to return company files and other property, even though there was a local office much closer to her? Here’s the update.

After shipping some things (with a detailed inventory list) and dropping the rest off at the local coworker’s office, I did have a trying time going back and forth to get my pay.

I received an email from my former boss acknowledging that she knew she was breaking the state law by holding my pay for too long. Apparently her “lawyer” was in a different state and going by the wrong state laws. Whatever you say! In that same email, I was told she was going to sue me for not driving the equipment to her office, and if I didn’t figure out a way to get it there upon my return home, I would be face with a lot of court fees. I’m assuming it was her last ditch effort to add stress or try and scare me into action. However, I had gone through so much at that point that I just laughed. If she had taken me to court, I would have been well prepared with the barrage of emails, including the email where she specifically requested that I drop the equipment off to the other local office.

I finally had someone from one of the state agencies help me out with the situation in order to get my pay. I was shorted 2 days worth of pay, but at that point it wasn’t worth the fight. I was exhausted and more than ready to put it past me!

Four months have since passed. Needless to say, I have not been sued for any equipment. That would have been ludicrous. I have two amazing jobs that support me in obtaining my advanced degree. It’s true – I never think twice about the ridiculous situation I faced with this company. I feel bad for whoever works for her though!!

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how long should it take a new hire to get up to speed?

by Alison Green on October 14, 2013

This post was originally published on July 13, 2010.

A reader writes:

I’m a former academic mathematician who left academia, because…well…suffice it to say that I didn’t go to college for nine years to become a glorified babysitter. After a job offer from a Very Large Government Agency fell through, I found myself severely underemployed. While slowly crawling out of the deep, dark depression in which I found myself, I started slowly picking up some extra skills so that I could start a new career (and no, I found myself unable to go back to academia, as the thought of entering the classroom again literally sent me into panic attacks). That all of this happened was bad enough; that all of this happened as the economy started circling the bowl made things even worse.

Finally, after two years, I have a job as a Data Analyst for an advertising company, with slightly over two weeks from the recruiter saying “Hi, I passed your resume to the hiring manager, and he’d like to talk to you…” to the job offer, with two phone interviews, an online programming exam, a personality profile, and a problem that the hiring manager gave me to see how I thought on my feet in between (there might have been a partridge in a pear tree in there somewhere, too :P ). The interview advice on your blog was invaluable, especially for the phone interviews. I think I impressed the hiring manager with my questions, especially “What differentiates a good employee in this position from a great employee?”

The work environment is great, and the people are awesome–not to mention the pay and benefits! However, I find myself in a completely new industry doing work I’ve never done before, and despite the fact that I’ve only been here less than two weeks, I’m taking longer in getting up to speed than I would like. I recognize that I’m putting a significant amount of this pressure on myself–as the old saying goes, I am my own harshest critic. I have received many assurances from my manager that he’s confident in my ability to catch up, and he proactively suggested weekly meetings to keep track of my progress. However, I want to make certain that I stay on task and don’t fall behind, especially as this is a contract to hire position.

So, my question is this: What, generally speaking, is a reasonable amount of time for a new hire that is talented but inexperienced to get up to speed?

I think this varies widely from job to job, and also depends on factors like how well the company trains you, exposes you to resources, etc.  However, based just on watching people over the years, I’d say that there’s often a moment of clarity that occurs about four to eight weeks in — when suddenly all the pieces start to fit together in a way that makes more intuitive sense, and all of a sudden you don’t feel quite as much like you’re treading water. I’m not talking about mastering the job — that takes way longer. I’m talking just about getting that sense that you’re no longer in a foreign and mysterious land.

Again, this really varies depending on the job. But you’ve only been there two weeks? There’s a good chance that you’re putting unrealistic pressure on yourself, as you seem to recognize.

Now, another good question is whether there are things you can do to help yourself acclimate faster.  To answer that, I’d want to know whether there are specific things that you know you’re struggling to learn, or is it more a general feeling of being overwhelmed?  If there are specific things, can you ask a colleague to walk you through them again? It’s very, very hard to retain all the information that’s thrown at you in your first few days on a job — so if most of your training happened early on, you might find that you can retain it better now. Also, if possible to do diplomatically, you might even seek someone different than whoever taught you the first time; different people teach things in different ways, and you might get someone who presents it in a way that resonates more for you.

If it’s more a general feeling of being overwhelmed, the weekly meetings with your manager are going to help. Make sure you prepare for these ahead of time so you’re getting as much as possible out of them. For the next few weeks, it might be useful to send him a list ahead of the meeting — here’s what I accomplished this week, here’s what I’m planning to do next week, here’s what I have on my longer-term to-do list — to ensure it lines up with his thinking and to catch any areas where you’re out of alignment.

Also, ask your manager what he’d like you to have achieved by the end of your second month and by the end of your first six months. If you have a very concrete sense of where you need to be headed, it’s easier to figure out what you need to do to get there.

While we’re on the subject of getting new hires acclimated, one thing that I like to do is to give each new hire an outline of all the things they’ll need to learn about to really know the job. This includes everything from the basics of how to do the job, to who key internal and external figures are, to what they do and don’t have authority for, and on and on. To be clear, this is just an outline of topics, not fully fleshed out information on each (they’ll get that in face-to-face conversations with the various people participating in their training). I’ve found it can be really helpful for them to have a written list like that to consult a couple of weeks in — because it can make you think, “Oh, I vaguely remember a mention of Topic X on my second day, when it made no sense to me and I didn’t retain it. So let me seek out information on it again now, when it’ll make more sense.” Or you might realize that no one talked to you about Topic X at all, and then you can proactively ask your boss about it.  It can also just help to get your arms around the breadth of the job if you see each aspect outlined like that.

You may not have that exactly, but do you have any other written materials you can review — department manuals, etc.? I’ve found people often don’t take advantage of those things after the initial read, even though reading them again a few weeks into the job can be a lot more useful than the first read was.

I suspect you’re going to do just fine. You sound like you’re having normal first-few-weeks-on-the-job jitters. You also sound like you’ve landed in a really great situation. So congratulations, and good luck!

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update: how do I warn new hires about a toxic colleague?

by Alison Green on October 13, 2013

Remember the reader who asked how to warn new hires about an especially toxic coworker? Here’s the update.

I used essentially the wording you suggested with both of my new colleagues, separately. Person 1 (my replacement in my old job) very obviously knew immediately what I was getting at; I know from continued correspondence with her that Toxic Tina is up to her old tricks on my old project (we joke about it and have actually placed a bet on how many days she’ll miss an upcoming deadline by), but my replacement has kept all her correspondence with Toxic Tina and has her behind well and truly covered.

Person 2, in my new department, didn’t really seem to react at all when I passed on the advice you suggested – none of the raised eyebrows and knowing looks I got from Person 1. I’ve asked her a couple of times since then how the project she works on with Toxic Tina is going, without going into any specifics, but she always just says “fine” (she’s very sweet, but not one of my most interactive colleagues).

Thank you for the advice, and thanks also to the commenters who suggested having the conversation off-site and reiterated your advice to keep things very neutral. I’m well and truly satisfied that I helped Person 1, and I think I’ve done everything I can for Person 2!

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update: how can I get away from work on the weekend and in the evenings?

by Alison Green on October 12, 2013

Remember the reader who asked how to get away from work on the weekends and the evenings, because her managers never stopped emailing? Here’s the update.

I have a happy update to this. First off, I changed the email settings on my phone so that mail needs to be manually checked on the weekends. I sometimes find that I forget to even look all day, which is so much more relaxing. As long as I eventually get to it (in one session, usually late afternoon in between other things), I don’t miss too much. I’m sitting out a few conversations, maybe, but it’s a trade-off for sanity and nothing majorly bad has happened. If something really needs an immediate response, people know to text me, but that’s happened maybe once.

Also, I turned off that little “ding” that my phone did every time I got an email – I didn’t even realize the pavlovian effect it was having on me. In short, having a million emails is less stressful if you don’t know they’re there.

Another idea from your blog that helped me – occasionally, when I’m at the office and I’ve gotten through everything I need to do that day, I just go home. This helps to regain a little bit of balance and, since I know I’m going to be filling in those hours and minutes during off times later in the week, it’s better not to waste what time I have mindlessly waiting for the clock.

So I’m still working a little bit at random times, but I’ve learned how to turn it off and relax when I can, and I’m feeling much happier and more balanced than I was a few months ago.

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update: my boss leads a clique that gossips about other staff and now wants to have a drunk sleepover

by Alison Green on October 11, 2013

Remember the reader whose boss led a gossipy clique and wanted to have a drunk sleepover? Here’s the update.

At first, I tried to keep to myself and remain professional, but interactions with my coworkers kept getting worse: I would work an event while they would smoke outside or bring their children and entertain them, but at the same time they were “too busy” to find time to train me on parts of my job. I kept trying to work hard and develop quality educational materials, but eventually it ended up in exactly what one of your readers predicted: in June, my boss called me in to talk about traits like “poor interactions and rapport with others, stand-offish or snobbish, not a team player, unapproachable…” I was disappointed and relieved at the same time! We discussed how this might not be the best place for me, and she did me the courtesy of being understanding and supportive, and she wrote me a positive letter of reference. Although I know this goes against your advice, I gave my notice with nothing lined up because I was so desperate to get out of there! My husband had found a job in April, so he was supportive of the decision to go back down to one income so that I wouldn’t have to come home feeling miserable every day.

Interestingly, after it started to get around the small office that I would be leaving in a few weeks, I started receiving visits from each and every one of the “unpopular” people telling me that I would be missed because I’m “one of the good ones,” and that they understand why I’m leaving and wish they could do the same! One of them told me she cries herself to sleep every night but can’t leave without finding another job first. I had been feeling sort of ashamed that I was such a quitter and that I couldn’t just suck it up and get along with everyone, but their comments made me realize that it wasn’t just me who found the office culture toxic, and I felt lucky that I could get out!

Now I am struggling trying to find another job, but I have been doing some volunteer work and trying to make connections while I search. While I have been on a few interviews, I haven’t found anything yet. I’ve accepted that I left the “best” job in my area as far as pay and opportunities (on paper it really was an awesome job!). However, since the “best” job was that horrible, it’s really given me new perspective!

Thanks to you and your readers for your advice!

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