my coworker says she’s the office stepchild because her race

by Alison Green on August 26, 2013

A reader writes:

I work as part of an admin support team for an international company. One of my fellow admins constantly claims that she’s treated differently because of her race. She says that she’s the “stepchild” of the office and if anyone asks her to do anything, or remarks on the fact that she is constantly late (at least 4 times a week) and also leaves the office for long periods of time to take personal calls, she says they are doing so because of her race. She goes so far as to tell even coworkers on other teams that she’s hated because of her race.

Alison, our office is not only multiracial, it’s also multicultural as well because we are a branch of an international company. She is not the only person of her race in the building either. No one is treating her any differently because of her race (other than the fact that she’s getting away with constant tardiness and leaving her desk for long periods of time) and it’s making everyone on our team very uncomfortable. We’ve tried including her in group outings and after work plans. We make a point to always ask her out to lunch. Even though she takes us up on these offers, she still seems to think that we treat her like a “stepchild”.

At this point, we don’t know how to make the situation more comfortable. Do we confront her about her attitude? Do we contact HR?

I’d talk to HR and/or your manager immediately because she’s basically accusing you of discrimination or creating a hostile workplace (in the legal sense of the term, not just the plain language sense), and that’s something that you should take seriously even if you know there’s no merit. Or at least your company should.

That said … I do want to say that it’s possible that she really is being treated differently because of her race. It happens even in diverse workplaces, and it can often be subtle enough that people in the dominant demographic group don’t easily see it. It’s not always about open hostility or blatantly racist remarks; it’s more often things like a manager not giving feedback to a person of color because she’s not comfortable having a sensitive conversation with someone of a difference race, thus leading to that person not hearing where she could do better … or not giving someone of a different race hard or important projects because the manager has unconscious questions about that person’s work ethic. That’s the kind of stuff that you might not easily see as a member of the dominant group.

However, if indeed her only complaints are that she’s being asked to do work and that her absences from the office are remarked upon — which is what it sounds like from the letter — then it doesn’t sound like what’s happening here. Or if it is, she’s handling it in the worst way possible. But it’s worth pointing out since we’re talking about this stuff.

In any case, though, you’re not her manager; you’re a peer. It’s really someone in management who needs to know about and address this issue, so make them aware of it.

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{ 227 comments }

do I have to watch my boss’s grandkids?

by Alison Green on August 26, 2013

A reader writes:

I work in an office that has a daycare for employees’ kids. It is a great perk for those with small children, and those of us without small children enjoy it too because the little ones pass through the hallways on a daily basis for stroller rides.

My issue with this is my boss, of course. She brings her two-year-old granddaughter to the daycare and has on five occasions asked me to watch the child while she goes out to the car for her bags (which takes her 15-20 minutes). All five times the child has cried uncontrollably because she is being left with a stranger. I’ve told my boss each time that I was sorry, but the child does not seem to be comfortable with me and maybe she should take the baby with her next time. Needless to say, that hasn’t worked especially well. My solution has been to find something to do away from my desk about the time my boss gets into work and then wait until she heads down the hallway to go back to my desk. The problem with this is that it seems pretty obvious what I am doing, though my boss has never said anything.

Now my boss has a new granddaughter and she will be bringing the baby along with the two-year-old to the daycare. And I am pretty sure she will not be able to carry in all of her things and keep control of a stroller and a two-year-old. Ugh! I dread this. One of my coworkers has suggested to my boss that she do what all of the other parents do and park in the turnaround at the front door near the daycare entrance and bring the kids in that way. Then she could park by the door near her office and bring in her bags that way. My boss talked for days (yes, days) how this was not a good solution for her and that she wanted to park near her office so that she didn’t lose her usual parking spot.

Would you please help me craft a way to tell my boss I do not want to watch her grandkids? I do believe that it will be a daily occurrence since she will have so much to carry in. I like kids; I have young kids myself. But watching a crying baby makes me uncomfortable and is definitely not a good start to my day.

Why isn’t your boss dropping the kids off at the daycare first and then returning to her car for her things?

In any case, I do think you’re going to have to be direct if you don’t want to play this game of being unavailable every morning.

I’d say something like this: “Jane, your grandkids are adorable. But I don’t feel comfortable being responsible for someone else’s kids at work, especially now with two of them. I hope you understand.”

Keep in mind that there’s no way to guarantee that you won’t experience repercussions for this (subtle or otherwise). If she’s reasonable, she should take this in stride, but if she’s not reasonable, all bets are off. So you probably want to factor in what you know about your boss and proceed accordingly.

(You could potentially mitigate some of that by expressing interest in the kids at other times — asking how they’re doing, showing interest if she has photos of them or stories about them … not that you should have to, but it could be something to try if you sense she’s miffed.)

And people: Do not stick your coworkers — let alone your employees, who may be afraid to say no — with your kids, elderly relatives, pets, or any other dependents.

Read an update to this letter here.

 

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how to answer questions about your salary expectations

by Alison Green on August 26, 2013

Most job seekers are eager to hear employers talk about the salary for a job but are hesitant to discuss their own salary expectations – rightfully fearing that they may inadvertently undercut themselves or ask for something wildly outside a company’s budget. But increasingly, employers are demanding that candidates talk salary first, before they show their own hand.

Now, there’s a lot of advice out there that advises candidates to refuse to give a real answer to the salary question – for instance, say that you’re flexible, or that you’d like to learn more about the job first, or simply turn the question around and ask the employer what their budgeted range is. You can certainly try these tactics, but many, many employers will insist on knowing what your salary expectations are before proceeding. In fact, many online applications won’t even let you apply if you don’t include a number.

So if you end up in a position where you have to name a salary range, what do you do?

1. First, don’t be caught unprepared. If you’re caught off-guard, you risk throwing out a number that you’ll later realize was too low (or unrealistically high). So before every interview, including phone screens, assume that you’re going to be pressed to name your salary expectations, and know how you’re going to respond. That means…

2. Do plenty of research beforehand. Unfortunately, salary websites often aren’t as accurate as you need because they generally don’t account for the fact that job titles frequently represent wildly different scopes of responsibility, or vary significantly by type of company or geography. But you can get a far more accurate idea by simply bouncing figures off of other people in your field, checking with professional organizations in your industry or talking with recruiters. Do your research and come up with a range based on what comparable positions pay for your experience level and in your geographic area.

3. Don’t base your salary range on what you want or need, rather than on what the market says you’re worth. Too often, people come up with their desired salary by thinking about what they’d like to earn, rather than looking at hard data about their market value. This can make you come across as naive to employers, so make sure your number is correlated to the market.

4. Don’t name a range if you’d be unhappy with the lowest end of it. If you give a wide range like “$40,000 to $55,000,” don’t be surprised if you’re offered $40,000, because that’s what you told the employer you’d accept willingly. So choose your range carefully, realizing that the employer may only focus on the lower end of it. (Similarly, many employers resist giving out their own ranges because so many candidates only hear the highest end.)

5. Practice your answer out loud. You might think you know how you’re going to answer the question, but plenty of people blanch when it comes to actually talking about money. Know what wording you’re going to use and practice, so when you’re doing it for real, you feel comfortable and it sounds natural.

6. Don’t play coy – or at least be attuned to signals that playing coy won’t work. While online applications might make it very clear that you can’t proceed without naming a salary, some interviewers are just as rigid, and you want to make sure you can recognize it when one is. If your interviewer keeps pushing you to name a number and you keep refusing, you risk coming across as obnoxious or simply getting cut from the running.

I originally published this at U.S. News & World Report.

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{ 37 comments }

team excludes me from meals, a distracting boss, and more

by Alison Green on August 26, 2013

It’s seven short answers to seven short questions. Here we go…

1. Would this cover letter be tacky?

I’m interested in a Communications/PR job that will involve writing press releases. Is it tacky to submit a cover letter in the format of a press release, announcing my “hire” and including my experience/what I bring to the job? Or should I stick with the standard format?

I wouldn’t say that it’s tacky, per se, but it’s gimmicky, likely to be seen as cheesy, and not especially likely to be effective. Submit a sample press release as supporting material for your application if you’d like, but write a real cover letter. (And make it a good one — no regurgitating of your resume.)

2. Is this a red flag in a candidate?

I cannot figure out whether this is just an unhelpful response from a candidate or a red flag. I’m doing first-round interviews for a fundraising opening and send qualified candidates a message expressing interest in them and concluding with this paragraph: “I would prefer to conduct the interview by video either on Skype or Gmail Chat. I am available at (several specific windows of time) . If one of those windows will work for you, just let me know what time in particular and your screen name. If none of those windows work or if a video call is not possible, then we can look at other options.”

I received this response: “Please give me a number to call you on Sat. morning so we can make can make contact.”

This strikes me as not really following the directions, and especially concerns me because this position will require reaching out to donors on the donors’ terms. And though I offered a weekend window, I’m not willing to have him call at his convenience. I worry, though, that I might be concluding too much from his rather terse response. How would you interpret it and how would you respond?

I don’t think you’re concluding too much at all. You gave specific instructions, and the candidate ignored them — on several different fronts, no less (didn’t select a time, didn’t send a screen name, didn’t say that video isn’t possible if indeed that’s why he’s choosing phone). Assuming you want someone who can deal with written words with reasonable amounts of precision, I’d move on.

3. Can you turn down a job offer if you’re receiving unemployment?

If a person is currently receiving unemployment benefits, is actively job searching, and is offered a job, does he have to accept the first job that is offered? If he turns down an offer, will unemployment benefits stop? Are there only certain allowable reasons to turn down an offer? (Would “not enough money” or “not the right fit” be inappropriate while on unemployment?) For background, this is the first call back/interview since he has been on unemployment, and this is in Illinois.

I can’t speak to Illinois specifically, but in general, most states don’t permit you to turn down work and still remain eligible for unemployment benefits (with a few exceptions — some states have exceptions for jobs that pay less than X% of your previous salary or that are significantly longer commutes or non-traditional hours, and so forth). You’d need to look at your state law to get specifics.

4. Team excludes me from lunches and parties

I have been on my new job now for 9 months. The crew there is fairly close and the supervisor fraternizes with the employees after work all the time. He also takes dinner / lunch orders from everyone there and goes out and picks it up, but I get excluded on purpose because a couple of the people there do not like me so the supervisor goes along with this. This supervisor and his group even wait for the person who comes in after me in order to include him in the dinner order. The menu goes around all hush hush in order to exclude me from being able to order as well. I have mentioned that I would have liked to have ordered as well, and was told that I should have spoken up when the order was being placed, but I did not know. And now that they know this bothers me, it’s done to me all the time. Also, going-away parties are organized by this supervisor who purposely excludes me from the emails.

What can I do? I feel stupid complaining that I am excluded from a lunch order….and I have no actual valid proof, but it is happening.

You can (a) decide that you’re not going to be bothered by it and simply stop expecting/wanting to be included in lunch orders and going-away parties, or (b) decide that your manager is a jerk and you’d rather look for work elsewhere. I have to think that this environment is unpleasant enough that it might make sense to look for a different job — and I can’t imagine that you’re going to be able to thrive or grow professionally under this manager, which may or may not be a problem in this particular job — but ultimately you have to decide if whatever benefits you’re getting from the job are worth putting up with this nasty treatment.

5. Should I take this class?

I am an accounting major and have acquired an internship at a tax office for 80 hours (it’ll take about 2 months to complete). The owner wants to send me to their tax school for 10 weeks for free. (Tuition is free, cost of books is $160.) If I do well, I increase my chances of being offered a job for the next tax season.

I have several concerns: I need a full-time job now. The only reason why I’m doing this internship is to gain some experience until I find one. So if a full-time job comes my way, I’m taking it. I don’t know what kind of agreement I will need to make to avoid having to repay the tuition if I leave before the class is done.

My schoolmate who works there said they started her off at $8/hour to do taxes. That’s nowhere close to what I need to make to offset childcare costs. So is this even worth it? I have no serious job opportunities yet so I’m open to taking the class.

Why don’t you ask them the questions you need in order to determine if this makes sense for you? Ask them whether there’s a tuition repayment agreement if you leave early, and if so what its terms are, and ask what their payment rate is if you’re hired after completing the class. I can’t tell you if it makes sense for you or not, but it sounds like there are some key pieces of information that you’re unsure about, and which you should just ask them for.

6. I thought my vacation time at my time job was pre-approved, but it turns out that it’s not

I recently went through a VERY quick application/interview process at an institution, and as a result I do not understand the benefits (or their drawbacks) very well. During my negotiations with HR over salary and start date, I told them that I had some vacation time coming up; HR was very blase about it – “I’m sure it will be fine if you take that time, but I’ll check with your department” … “Okay, it’s fine!”

I have come to find out that in fact it’s not fine — after I took the time, and with another pre-scheduled vacation coming up in three weeks. At my organization, we cannot borrow vacation time, so I’m already 4 days in the hole and I’ve been at my job a month! HR is pushing back to tell me that my manager and I need to determine what can be done. It seems like the only option is unpaid time off, which I’m very unhappy about, and I still am not clear what this means for the days I’ve already taken.

This is all to say, it appears that I failed to properly negotiate pre-arranged time off (as you discussed here) despite my best effort. Is there anything I can do now? I’m guessing no. How can I push back on HR in the future, before I screw myself over?

You can certainly try explaining to your boss that you brought this up during your offer negotiations and that HR assured you that it was fine. If they won’t budge, then you’d need to decide among taking the time anyway and dealing with the repercussions or canceling your plans.

In the future, the best thing to do is to get this stuff in writing, so that there’s no haziness over what has been agreed to.

7. My boss is incredibly loud and distracting

I started a new job at the beginning of July. The job itself is going well, but I find that everyday I’m getting stressed and annoyed by my boss. He is constantly making noises! Whether it be clicking his fingers, tapping on the table, tapping his feet, sucking his teeth, singing, humming and clapping — he does it all. Usually it comes every 5 minutes or so and he will do all of those things one after the other.

My other colleague and I find it so distracting. He also talks like he is shouting all of the time, so if he is in a conference call it’s a nightmare. My colleague and I sit opposite each other with our desks touching, so no more than 5 feet apart. The other day, we couldn’t even hear each other when we spoke. My boss is at the other side of the room and it’s not a big room.

I’m currently finding it hard to concentrate and I have a big project that is time-sensitive to work on. I often put my headphones on with music but I can still hear him through them. What can I do to try and help the situation?

You can (a) ask if you can work out of a different space, either temporarily or permanently, so that you can concentrate, (b) tell your boss — ideally with your coworker — that you’re both having trouble hearing each other and focusing (you’d want to know that your boss will take this well though, something that you may or may not be able to know after only two months on the job), or (c) resign yourself to the fact that you work for a noisy boss. I’d start with A.

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{ 216 comments }

former VP is accusing me of causing a spam influx on her computer

by Alison Green on August 25, 2013

A reader writes:

I worked as the marketing person at a nonprofit for nearly 2 years. It was an entry-level position and I worked hard at it before I moved on to a bigger opportunity. I gave my manager the heads-up that I was job-searching a solid 2 months before I left, as a courtesy, and she said she’d be happy to give me a good reference (which she did). When I turned in my notice, I gave a full 2 weeks, left my leaving paperwork in order, and finished my projects.

I thought that I had done everything right, but over the past couple weeks, 3 of my former coworkers who I’m friendly with reached out to me to tell me that a VP (not my direct supervisor or someone I worked closely with, but she is newly managing my old position) has been telling folks that I hacked her work computer because it’s covered in spam!

I’ve been told she has been loudly speculating about this in the office, trying to convince my former manager that I’m behind the spam invasion, and is telling prospective employees about this as well. This is totally nuts and baseless — I’ve never been on her computer, and though I helped her with computer issues while I worked there (as one of the youngest employees, I became a go-to computer helper), I certainly would not have been dumb enough to click on any unsavory links or download those ubiquitous free smiley programs.

My coworkers have put it in context, letting me know that it’s not personal and that this VP “hates everyone who leaves.” But it feels personal and it’s my reputation on the line. This VP is known within the office to have a huge dramatic streak, and while we might know to roll our eyes at one of her dramatic stories, people outside the company would have no reason not to take her words at face value. Normally, I would just call my former manager and ask what’s up and if I could still count on her reference, but all of my former coworkers tipped me off with “you didn’t hear this from me/don’t tell anyone I told you, but you should know that….” and they don’t want me to mention anything to my former manager because they’re also afraid of being trash-talked by this VP to their own prospective employers (and they’re all job-searching), and my former manager and this VP are really good friends.

I don’t know what to do. I have a great job right now, so I don’t need a reference at the moment, but I did hope to have this job as a reference down the line. Do I even need to worry since I will be giving my supervisor’s info as a reference instead of this VP’s? My mentor advised me to document everything and get a lawyer immediately, which seems pretty scary. Help!

So a random VP who wasn’t your manager is complaining around the office that you “hacked” her work computer and caused her to be inundated with spam?

That’s such a bizarre and nonsensical allegation on many levels, and I wouldn’t even bother taking it seriously. Clearly people within the office know she’s a loon. And while I understand that you’re worried that people outside the office won’t have that context about her, imagine for a minute that someone you didn’t know very well told you that a former employee had caused a spam invasion on her computer. Would you care? You almost certainly would not. And you’d probably think it was a little weird that she was going around accusing someone of this, because (a) that’s a weird and hardly very serious accusation, (b) it would be equally weird for her to be airing such an odd complaint outside the office. Are you ever that interested to hear about someone’s spam problems?

Unless there’s way more to these allegations than what’s in your letter, your mentor’s advice to “get a lawyer” is nearly as bizarre. Why would you need a lawyer here? To threaten a defamation suit or slap her with a cease and desist over something like this? That would be a wild overreaction.

At most, if you feel you absolutely must do something, you could contact the VP and tell her that since you’ve left you’ve heard she’s concerned that you did something to cause spam on her computer, and that you never had any interactions with her computer that could cause that … and then go silent and wait to her what she says. Or you could call up your former manager and say the same thing. (And yes, I know that your former coworkers asked you not to mention anything, but you don’t need to name their names, and it’s unreasonable of them to expect you not to want to do something with information they’re willingly sharing with you. It’s just not their call.)

But really, we’re talking about someone blaming her spam on you. You’re better off just ignoring this mini-drama, putting some extra effort into maintaining a good relationship with your former manager, and moving forward with your new job. This is not worth being upset about.

Read an update to this letter here.

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{ 60 comments }

should I work for a creep, negotiating parking, and more

by Alison Green on August 24, 2013

It’s six short answers to six short questions. Here we go…

1. Should I take a job working with a creepy boss?

Recently I received an anonymous gift. The only person who could have known that it was something I wanted was my manager. It was not an expensive present, but it made me very uncomfortable. Since then, I have had to work late a few times. When this has happened, my boss also stays later than he normally does. One of the times I am pretty sure he tried to ask me out, although I was able to deflect it. I have heard many stories about inappropriate text messages he sent to other coworkers, although to my knowledge, most of the recipients were not on his team and no one has gone to HR about it and it seems that he is very good about toeing the line about what is inappropriate and what is not. I have a serious boyfriend that he knows about and cannot think of anything I would have done to make him think I would be interested.

There is now a position open that I would really like to apply for, but it will involve working one-on-one with him much more frequently than I am now. Should I give up on this job, which I have a pretty good shot at getting, and I think I would really enjoy? Do you have any suggestions for something I could do to make it so that I could apply for the job without worrying that I would be miserable if I got it?

Well, in the starkest terms, are you willing to work closely with someone who behaves like this? If he’s careful about walking the line just so, there might be nothing reportable, but he still might make you feel creeped out, so do you want to take that on? I know that sounds like a loaded question, but it’s a genuine one — some people aren’t especially bothered by this and some are, and you need to know which camp you fall in. Just make sure your eyes are open about what you might be signing up for — don’t evaluate “the job as it would be if he weren’t there,” but the whole package — the job and a close proximity to this guy.

(That said, if he has a reputation for persisting once he’s turned down, that takes things to an entirely new level of asshattery, one that I’d stay away from even if you have a high level of immunity to jerks.)

Read an update to this letter here.

2. Recruiters got upset when I withdrew from the hiring process

Occasionally during an interview process, I will decide to withdraw from candidacy, either because of a personal reason or something I learned during the interview. However, with the last 2 positions I withdrew from consideration, both recruiters seemed seemed upset (separate companies, in case that wasn’t clear). They demanded to know what went wrong, why I wasn’t interested anymore, and seemed supremely annoyed about the whole thing. I’m always extremely polite, so I don’t understand the response. I don’t throw a hissy fit if employers decide they don’t want to interview me further. If you’re no longer interested, isn’t it more respectful to bow out before you get to the offer stage?

Yes, it is. You shouldn’t waste their time if you’re not interested, and they shouldn’t want it wasted. These sound like recruiters who have forgotten that candidates get to make a choice in the hiring process too, not just employers.

3. Can I negotiate a parking pass as part of a job offer?

Thanks to your help (seriously, THANK YOU!) I have been told to expect a job offer next week. It is for an EA position in downtown Boston at a company with around 80 employees.

I live in the suburbs just outside of the city and, since our transit system is a Certified Hot Mess, I plan on driving. Parking in the building’s garage, naturally costs roughly the equivalent of chartering a helicopter (okay, so maybe I’m exaggerating, but it’s expensive), so I’m wondering if I can negotiate a parking pass as part of the offer.

I will be responsible for reception/main phone line duties for the entire office as well and my being two hours late because a squirrel left its acorn on a train track and brought the transit system to a screeching halt would be an issue. If this is something that would be reasonable for me to request, what is the best way to approach it during negotiations? Parking expenses would translate to over $4,000 per year, so should I plan on offering some flexibility on salary? Your thoughts would be much appreciated!

Sure, you can try to negotiate for that. And yes, it could mean that they’d want to go lower on salary since on their end this would be the equivalent of paying you an additional $4,000 in salary (well, slightly less because they wouldn’t be paying payroll taxes on it), but like any negotiation, it will all come down to how much they want you.

4. Adding new project work to your resume

Should — or how should — I mention newly-acquired project work on my resume or in job applications more broadly? I recently got a graduate degree and then moved back to my home city to restart my new career here. Happily, I got offered some exciting, very field-relevant part-time paid work with an organization I used to work with as an intern. It’s a discrete (thankfully not discreet) project that I started early this month and will complete sometime next month.

On the one hand, it feels a little flimsy to put this on my resume already, and I’m not sure how I’d do it. On the other hand, I’d really like to be able to show employers that I’m getting “plugged back in” to the work scene in this city, since most of my recent experience was in the city where I went to grad school, and I also feel that it hopefully reflects well on me that an organization I used to work with at a much earlier stage in my career wanted me to come back and do more for them. Any thoughts?

Put it on there. Just make sure that you indicate that it’s ending next month, so that they don’t assume it’s a more long-term job and wonder why you’re already looking to leave it when you just started it.

5. Heating food up in the office

Can a manager tell you not to heat food up while you are on your break?

Yes. In fact, there are very few things a manager is not allowed to tell you.

But if you find out the manager’s reasoning, sometimes you’ll be able to present a calm, compelling argument for reconsidering. That depends on your manager though.

6. Can my company force me to use vacation time for the days after Thanksgiving and Christmas?

I’m an exempt employee at a health care organization in Virginia. Halfway through the year and about six months after I started, they determined that all non-clinical staff would be required to use paid annual leave for not only holidays, but additional holiday time as well. Instead of just taking Thanksgiving, we have to take Thanksgiving and the day after. Instead of just taking Christmas, we have to take Christmas and the day after. This is how it will be for every holiday.

I’m guessing this is somehow legal, but I wanted to be sure. It seems odd that I’m given annual leave but forced to take it according to their specifications. I also haven’t been here long enough to accrue the amount of leave necessary to fulfill these extra days, so I’ll have to take unpaid days. Instead of getting to use my allotted leave days freely, I get to use less than half of them how I want. Is this legal?

Yes. No law requires employers to offer vacation time at all, so they can put whatever restrictions on it they want, including saying that you have to use it on certain days.

What’s not legal, however, is docking your pay for the days you’re made to take off. Since you’re exempt, they can’t dock your pay for an absence that they’ve occasioned. They can require you to use PTO for that day, but if you don’t have enough accrued, they can’t take it out of your pay. (They could, however, charge it against future PTO.)

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update from the reader whose new job was sending her work before she’d started

by Alison Green on August 23, 2013

Remember the reader whose new job was sending her almost daily emails with research tasks to complete — before she had started the job? Here’s her update.

As it turns out, I should have seen this as a warning sign. Although the company overall has great opportunities, it seems I landed in a role that they were having difficulty keeping filled. They had an individual before me accept the postition and not return after a couple days and another person did not show up on day 1. This made them approach me in a way that was very aggressive (continuing to question my commitment) and so it felt like I was paying for the poor history instead of them addressing why this was happening. Chances are the other individuals were also turned off by their method.

I left a job of many years to join this company. When I arrived, I saw why this was happening. The Ops manager that I was working directly under had anger management issues and chose to handle stressful situations in a very unprofessional way. Since he was the person who was training me on most of my projects and systems, I noticed there was very little direction given and I identified a number of errors in their data within weeks. Being in a medical arena, little errors are a big deal. When I brought it to their attention, it was all of a sudden explained why loose estimates are accepted. As I was in a compliance role, I did not feel comfortable with the way that this had been set up. (Mistakes by other departments cause him to explode, but when I find a mistake directly under his watch, it’s ok and I can follow the same directive…hmmmm.) Poor training leads to errors and he did not like when I questioned why something did not match.

All in all, this should have been a warning sign. They had a high rate of turnover in this role, especially when compared to the company as a whole. Most employees had been there 10+ years, but this position was 4+ people in 2 years. In my first few days, I noticed a lot of other employees giving me the “wonder how long this one will last” vibe.

Their effort to get me to start working on projects before I officially started is still a mystery. Perhaps they thought if they locked me in, I would have a stronger sense of commitment? Hard to say. Bottom line is they had questions about how to make this position work and keep someone long term. Their questioning me should have made me question them too. I’m a good catch, but if I’m brought in to audit information, that’s what I’m going to do. The manager did not seem to like being questioned and in turn we were not a good match and had completely different styles of how to be effective.

It did not work out in the end at that company, but I have found a position that I am very happy in and have learned from this experience.

Good luck to anyone out there in the middle of a job search – I know it’s not easy.

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should our company switch to unlimited time off?

by Alison Green on August 23, 2013

A reader writes:

We’re thinking about implementing an unlimited paid time off program in my company, where if you need a day, or a week, you take the time and aren’t bound by a certain number of weeks you can take in a year. Certainly there are a ton of considerations in doing this. I’m interested in knowing if you or any of your readers have considered or implemented this idea in their companies. If so, how has it worked? What unintended consequences have there been?

There are three things that are really key if you switch to unlimited PTO:

1. It requires your managers to actually manage. If someone is abusing the benefit, you need to know that they’ll address it, and address it effectively. These programs implode if managers are too unassertive to speak up when someone isn’t achieving what they should and is taking too much time off. It also requires a shared understanding of what “too much time off” means — but that understanding has to take into account the context of how someone is performing; what’s “too much” for your new employee who hasn’t mastered the job yet is probably different from what’s “too much” for an established high performer. Making good, nuanced judgment calls on issues like that — and then acting accordingly — takes good managers. Do you have them?

2. You need to have good employees. You’re talking about switching to a policy that treats people like adults and assumes that they can manage their own workload and time away and still perform at a high level. It should go without saying that you want this kind of staff anyway — but if you don’t have one yet, you’re going to need to make some changes there.

3. You need to make sure that the switch doesn’t result in people feeling they should take less time off than in your current system. One danger of unlimited PTO is that because people aren’t told “you get X days per year,” they have no idea what’s okay to take and then end up taking less time off because they don’t want to be seen as slackers.

In addition to that, keep in mind that unlimited PTO doesn’t mean that there aren’t any rules around it at all. You’ll want to think about what kind of approval, if any, is required, how much notice people need to give (so that unlimited doesn’t mean unplanned), whether to limit the number of consecutive weeks of leave people can take, and whether there are certain times of the year where you don’t want people out unless absolutely necessary.

Unlimited PTO really is treating adults like adults. But you’re going to need good managers, good employees, and a clear, shared understanding of what’s acceptable.

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power will lead you to eat more cookies and chew with your mouth open

by Alison Green on August 23, 2013

It’s Flashback Friday! Here’s an old post from June 2010 that we’re making new again, rather than leaving it to wilt in the archives.

This is pretty fascinating:

“A particularly amusing study — undertaken by Keltner, Gruenfeld, and another colleague — shows that giving people just a little more power than their colleagues causes them to eat more cookies, chew with their mouths open, and leave more crumbs.” — Bob Sutton, writing for Business Week

More info from the study:

The experimenters “examined whether power would produce socially inappropriate styles of eating. In same-sex groups of 3 individuals, 1 randomly chosen individual (the high-power person) was given the role of assigning experimental points to the other 2 on the basis of their contributions to written policy recommendations concerning contentious social issues. After group members discussed a long and rather tedious list of social issues for 30 minutes, the experimenter arrived with a plate of five cookies. This procedure allowed each participant to take one cookie and provided an opportunity for at least 1 participant to comfortably take a second cookie, thus leaving one cookie on the plate. Consistent with the prediction, high-power individuals were more likely to take a second cookie. Coding of the videotaped interactions also revealed that high-power individuals were more likely to chew with their mouths open and to get crumbs on their faces and on the table.”

I have crumbs all over myself right now, and I have no power over anyone anymore. So make of that what you will.

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food mishaps at business lunches, defensive coworkers, and more

by Alison Green on August 23, 2013

It’s seven short answers to seven short questions. Here we go…

1. My coworker got defensive with me when her boss compared her work to mine

This is actually something that happened to me at my former employer, so I can’t act on your advice, but I am curious what you think about it. I worked as an administrative assistant in a hospital unit and my bosses were always very happy with my work. One of the things I did while I was there was create a database for unit employee information. It was a pretty big project and involved looping in other departments to get the up-to-date data I needed on a regular basis. Anyway, one day I got a call from the AA in another unit. She told me that her boss had said in her annual review that she kept important information in too many different places. Then she said that I had created this database (she mentioned me by name), and why couldn’t this AA do something similar.

I didn’t really know what to say and she started defending the way she did things to me. I tried to be reassuring and also explain to her why I did things my way and how it might benefit her, but it was just generally super awkward. I really think it was inappropriate for her boss to name me, and also inappropriate for her to call me and tell me. I was mostly just glad that I was leaving soon so I wouldn’t have to deal with it. What would a good course of action have been in that situation? I was pretty flabbergasted.

It actually doesn’t sound awful that her boss mentioned you. While it’s true that something like “Jane is so great; why can’t you be as good as her?” is inappropriate, it sounds like the manager said something more like “Jane created a database to keep this information organized. That would be helpful for you too.” And that’s a reasonable thing for a manager to say.

What was inappropriate here was the AA calling you and defending herself to you. The only thing you really could have said was, “Well, I don’t know much about what your needs are over there, but if you’d like to take a look at how I’ve set up the database over here, I’d be glad to show you.”

2. Should I withdraw from a hiring process in another city?

I currently work in a industry that has rapidly changed in the last five years, and finding work with my specific skill set and experience has become difficult. I’ve begun interview for a position that would require my family and I to relocate to a place where we don’t know anyone. At first, I was excited about the prospect — living in a new place, a job at a big firm with potential for advancement — but now that this process has become more serious, I’m starting to balk at the idea, and my family is very apprehensive about moving away.

Should I continue to with the process even though my heart isn’t in it? Or should I write the recruiter and manager I’ve interviewed with and let them know that after further discussions with my family, relocation is not a option?

If you’re absolutely sure that you wouldn’t accept the job if offered to you, then yes, email them and let them know. It will save them time and possibly money (if they were going to fly you out), and it could keep an interview slot open for another candidate. However, if you’re not positive, I’d stay in the process and try to visit the city before you make up your mind.

3. Should I pass contacts at my full-time employer along to my part-time employer?

I’m an entry-level engineer working in the aerospace/manufacturing industry at a mid-sized company. Recently I picked up contract work with a small company in the same industry with the potential of hiring me full-time next year.

The VP of the small company has asked me if I could provide contact to my current company’s purchasing department, hoping to get some contract jobs. Should I give him the contact? Would it create problems with my current employer?

Does your company know that you’re doing this contract work? If not, I’d pass entirely. But if they do, I think it’s fine to do; people share this kind of information all the time with contacts. But if you’re wary about it at all or think that it might be inappropriate at your particular company, you could instead offer to pass his information along to your contacts.

4. Accidentally winding up on an adult website at work

If you’re searching for legit info at work and accidentally wind up on an adult website (nothing major, but definitely NSFW), should you go ‘fess up to someone? I don’t want to draw attention to something that might have otherwise gone unnoticed, but I also don’t want to look like I did it on purpose. If it helps, I was on there for like one entire second, and it would be the only sketchy thing in my history.

Don’t worry about it. It’s happened to plenty of us, and since there’s no record that you browsed around the site, there’s nothing to confess. You were there for a second, by mistake — there’s no issue here.

5. How can I tell my new manager I want to leave without making her feel she’s wasted her time with me?

I was a marketing director when the company I worked for closed. I was out of work for 2 years (interviewing is not my strong suit). I took a much lower level operations position (almost entry level) and a huge salary cut. I was with that company for 14 months and then I was recruited via LinkedIn for a similar operations position for a high-end organization. I started with this new company this past June. I will be meeting with my manager for a review (this is a company initiative and not at my instigation). We’re suppose to talk about career advancement and overall performance.

I really like my job and my manager, but how do I tell her I want to go back into corporate marketing since I’ve only been there 3 months without sounding like I want to get the hell out of dodge? The biggest factors for my desire to go back into corporate are prestige, compensation, and a Monday through Friday work week. My plan was to stay at least a year in my current position before I pursued a corporate job and I’d like to let my manager know that.

What’s the best way to convey my goals without making my manager feel like she has wasted time teaching me because I want to leave so soon after?

Well, you probably can’t. Telling her after three months that you don’t like the work and want to leave but you’re willing to stay a year is fairly likely to result in you being pushed out earlier. After all, why invest in training you when you’re going to leave after a year and might not be particularly engaged during that time? I respect that you want to be honest with your manager, but unless you know her well enough to know that she would be just fine with this (and you probably can’t know that after only three months), I’d proceed with caution.

6. Is a traditional henna tattoo unprofessional?

I have been in India for a few weeks and got a very traditional henna tattoo on both sides of both hands. I just found out that I have a couple professional events when the henna may still be visible (It generally lasts 1-3 weeks). Is a henna tattoo very unprofessional? Do I need to say something to avoid racist or negative assumptions?

I am of south Asian descent, if that’s unfortunately relevant. The events are a career fair and possibly some company events. I am a sophomore as an undergraduate.

Expect to be asked about it, but I don’t think most people will find it unprofessional. (People who know what it is may just assume that you’re a practicing Hindu and not think about it beyond that.) I’d be more wary of having it for a formal job interview, but for a networking event, even a career fair, you have a lot more leeway. If you notice anyone looking it, just explain what it is — people will be more interested than anything.

7. Should you say something at a business lunch if someone has food on their face or in their teeth?

If you’re at a business lunch with someone you don’t know well/at all and they get food on their face/in their teeth, should you say something? What’s more embarrassing: realizing this on your own and knowing the other person had surely noticed it, or having someone point it out to you?

Say something — just make it casual and not like a big deal. Say, “Oh, you’ve got something on your chin there,” and keep on talking.

It’s far more mortifying for someone to sit through a whole meal and then discover afterwards that they spent much of it with food on themselves.

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