my boss is revoking my full-time telecommuting arrangement

by Alison Green on July 3, 2013

A reader writes:

I accepted a job February 2012 as a home-based employee managing a virtual team of developers. My job offer specifically mentioned being a home-based employee. The company is global and we often meet early in the morning and late at night to accommodate the various geographies. I have had many successes in this position and at my last performance review was given an outstanding rating.

Recently, my boss has asked me and a few other coworkers who were telecommuting, but without official agreements in place, to be office-based in order to help with collaboration. Collaboration has never been a problem or a concern that has been raised before and this is not a corporate wide policy. Do I have any recourse?

Legal recourse? No, probably not, unless you have a contract that specifically says that you’ll be able to work from home for the duration of the contract with no escape clause for the company — which is very unlikely.

However, you can certainly talk to your boss and see if you can reach a compromise.

I’d start by finding out more about what what she hopes to change by having you begin working from the office. What concerns is this meant to address? And talk in more specifics than just “collaboration” —  in what areas is she seeing a lack of collaboration and how is it impacting things?

Once you know that, you can see if there are other ways to address her concerns. If people aren’t sharing information about projects that affect others or she wants more group brainstorming, for instance, would a weekly conference call address it? Would a weekly in-person meeting that you’d come to the office for address it? Could you work one or two days in the office and the rest at home?

I’d also point out to her that this is a significant change from the job you were offered last year, and that being able to telecommute is a significant benefit to you, one that you’d be concerned about losing.

Of course, you might hear that it’s simply too bad; the job has changed, and that’s the way that it is. And if that’s the case, then you’ll have to decide if this is a job that you still want under these new conditions. But before you head down that road, find out if there are other ways to achieve your manager’s goals and whether she can offer you any flexibility after hearing what a concern it is to you.

Good luck.

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a coworker wants to push a bad idea at a meeting I lead

by Alison Green on July 3, 2013

A reader writes:

I’m really stumped on what seems like a fairly typical leadership scenario, but for whatever reason I can’ think of the best course of action.

I lead a monthly meeting of about 30 of my peers where we discuss pain points about our role and develop solutions, among other things. I was recently approached by a newer member who asked if she could share a solution (or what she kept calling a “new process” to “roll out”) with the group. I asked to hear more, and I see real issues with it–it doesn’t seem like she checked with her peers to understand the viability of this idea in different areas. She’s only about 4 months into the role, and I think she’s been encouraged by her manager to speak up more in this venue for brownie points.

For some validation, I checked with my mentor, the former leader of the forum (now promoted), to see what she thought and she really surprised me–she thinks its a great idea and that leadership will love it. It totally blindsided me–I can’t understand how she could think this is a viable/sustainable solution!

In any case, this convinced me that I want to set her idea before the group. I think it should probably be brought to a fair vote, and I decidedly will move forward with it if there’s enough support behind it. How can I ask this person to share their idea in a fair and neutral way while ensuring that my (valid) concerns are heard?

I realize this could be tough without knowing the nature of the idea, but I spent a lot of time thinking though the ramifications of this proposal and I worry my peers (who never speak up much) wouldn’t give it enough thought! Is this just a case of what will be will be?

Let her share the idea and open it up to debate from the group.

The fact that your mentor thinks it’s a great idea is useful information — if nothing else, it tells you that reasonable, competent people could see this differently than you do. (Assuming that your mentor is reasonable and competent, of course.) Or, alternately, it says that you see a different piece of this than your mentor does, and that it could be valuable to share your perspective.

So let her share the idea, and encourage debate on it. Share your qualms, and see what others in the group say about them.

If you’re right to think it’s a terrible idea, then either others will agree (or come around once they hear your concerns) or you’re working with a group who you’re pretty unaligned with — which is also useful to know.

Either way, developing a culture of encouraging ideas but also subjecting them to rigorous examination and debate is a good thing.

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mistaken beliefs that are holding you back in your job search

by Alison Green on July 3, 2013

Most job seekers approach their job search with a set of beliefs about how the process should work and what will and won’t be effective. Unfortunately, many of those beliefs are wrong – and some of them will actually hold you back in your search.

Here are six common misconceptions that can keep you from getting job interviews and offers.

1. The interviewing process is about convincing the interviewer to hire you. It can be easy to think that – but if you think a little deeper, you’ll realize that the interviewing process should be about figuring out if you’re the right fit for the job, and whether it’s a job you even want. Too often, job seekers only think about getting an offer and forget to think about what will come after that. You want to end up in a job that you’ll excel at and be happy in, not in one that you’ll struggle at or that will make you miserable. If you approach the interview process as a two-way street, not a one-way judgment process, you’ll get a better outcome.

2. If the job is work you want to do and would be good at, this is the job you want. The work is only part of the equation in figuring out if you’d be happy at a particular job. The rest of the equation includes the culture of the company, the people you’d be working with, and the manager you’d be working for. Too often, job seekers ignore signals about terrible managers and a culture that will make them unhappy because they’re only paying attention to the work they’d be doing – but jobs don’t exist in a vacuum, and you need to evaluate the workplace and the people as well.

3. You have to have connections to get a job. When you hear people talk about the importance of connections in job-hunting, it’s easy to start to believe that you’ll never find a job without them. Connections do help – but plenty of people get jobs by spotting an ad, sending in a resume, and interviewing, with no connections helping them at all. Networking can help make your job search easier, but don’t give up on more straightforward methods of applying either.

4. You need to do something unusual to catch the hiring manager’s attention and stand out. Job seekers are sometimes tempted to resort to gimmicks to stand out, like using a fancy resume design, having their resume delivered by overnight mail, or recording a video resume. But gimmicks don’t make up for a lack of qualifications and will turn off many hiring managers. The right way to stand out is simple: Write a great cover letter and have a resume that demonstrates a track record of success in the area the employer is hiring for.

5. If you don’t call to follow up on your application and ask for an interview, they’ll think you’re not persistent or interested enough. While this might have been true at some point in the past, today these calls generally don’t help and sometimes hurt. With hundreds of applicants for every opening, if every applicant called to follow up, employers would spend all day fielding these calls – and they don’t want to. Once you apply, the ball is in the employer’s court to decide if they want to talk with you.

6. You just need to show that you’re qualified to do the job. Many job seekers think that all it takes to get an interview is showing that they meet the requirements listed in the ad, and then are confused and frustrated when they don’t get interviews. After all, they met all the qualifications listed! But often dozens or even hundreds of applicants meet the job’s qualifications, and the employer can’t interview all of them. That means that successful applicants go far beyond simply meeting the qualifications – they write engaging cover letters explaining why they’re interested in the job and why they’d excel at it, they have compelling resumes that explain what they’ve accomplished in the past (not just what their duties were), and they stand out as thoughtful, responsible, and enthusiastic. If your applications aren’t portraying you that way, it’s probably holding you back.

I originally published this at U.S. News & World Report.

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manager ordered me to get along with a coworker, handling work when a family member is on trial, and more

by Alison Green on July 3, 2013

It’s wee answer Wednesday — seven short answers to seven short questions. Here we go…

1. My manager told me to get along with a coworker or quit

I’ve been butting heads with a guy at work. I asked my boss to separate us before the conflict escalated. He put me on something else for the rest of the day, but as I was leaving informed me i could “deal with it or quit.” When I arrived at work the next morning, I was given the same ultimatum. I went and spoke to HR about the issue, and though they were surprised to hear my manager’s response, it’s been almost a week without resolution. Management refuses to put me anywhere else, and I’m forced to work with this person. I even suggested a shift change but was told no. What are my options? You can cut the tension in my work place with a knife.

Without knowing more about why you’re not getting along with this coworker, it’s hard to give you a good answer — but generally speaking, there’s nothing inherently wrong with expecting employees to work together professionally and politely. In fact, it’s a pretty reasonable expectation, unless your coworker is harassing you or being openly hostile without provocation. The way you describe the conflict, it sounds two-sided — in which case it’s not unreasonable for your boss to tell you to find a way to get along if you want to stay in your job.

2. When should I bring up narcolepsy in a hiring process?

I’m facing a dilemma in regards to speaking out about my illness. I’m currently writing cover letters for several different jobs and I believe my experience with narcolepsy, especially the struggles before being diagnosed and medicated, have greatly shaped me into the hard worker I am today, and I believe this example would distinguish myself from other candidates.

However, there is quite a misconception of narcolepsy due to how little knowledge people have of it, other than how it has been portrayed by the entertainment industry. I’ve already dealt with friends and family who now think of me as handicapped and a burden, despite my excellent history of being a hard worker. So I’m worried even mentioning it all.

My friends have given me the advice to either briefly hint at it in my résumé or wait to mention in an interview. I am unsure of what I should do… Being completely open, my heart tells me to say something because it is who I am and I want to work in a team that accepts me for everything that I am. But my gut is telling me, they’ll be like the people who’ve already turned their backs on me and brush me off as someone incapable of the job at hand.

Don’t mention it until you have a job offer, at which point you can bring it up in the context of any accommodations that you might need. While I understand your desire to bring it up earlier, it’s likely to make employers uncomfortable (since the way they deal with disabilities is legally regulated, and having it injected into an interview conversation can be a land mine on their side). Wait until you have an offer, raise it then, and use that conversation to assess whether the employer’s reaction is one you’re comfortable with.

3. Should I not have disclosed in a temp work interview that I’ll be moving next year?

I am moving cross country in May 2014, but I have been looking for temporary work until then to keep my skills sharp and earn some additional money before the big move.

I saw a temporary position open in my field and I applied for it. I just got a call from the hiring manager asking me for an interview. During the phone call, he asked me why I picked a temporary position. I told him I was interested in continuing to work in my field and develop my skills before I decided to move. I won’t be moving for 10 months and the position is only 4 months long. He said that he appreciated me being honest because they were trying to be honest with their candidates when they revealed that there is no guarantee the position would last past 4 months.

I don’t believe there is anything wrong with being honest, but my dad shuddered and told me he would be concerned with hiring someone if they mentioned they were moving. I didn’t think it was a big deal but now I’m wondering if it will keep me from moving forward in their hiring process. Is there any way to fix it or should I even be concerned about it?

You’re fine. Your dad is right that when you’re hiring for most positions, hearing that the person is planning to move in the next year or two is often a deal-breaker, because most employers don’t want to invest in someone who isn’t planning to stick around. But this is a four-month position. Unless they’re secretly looking for someone who will be available if the position turns long-term, there’s nothing wrong with what you said — in fact, it helped explain your interest in the job.

4. Should I leave a job I hate for a short-term job in my hometown?

I’m in a bit of a pickle. I have been with my current company for going on 8 years, and am desperate to get out for a variety reasons: I’ve become bored with the work; it’s in a field I have no desire to continue in, and even more than that, I have a terrible, awful boss (in regards to both personality and management style), who pushes a job I would feel “meh” about into one that I actively loathe. To top it all off, after 8 years of living in a giant metropolis, I’m more than ready to pack up and move back to the small city where I’m from.

I’ve been interviewing for jobs in my home city, and was recently offered a job there. Everything about the position seems great — the work seems interesting, it’s in the field I want to move into, the pay is good, and the company has a great reputation as an employer. But there’s a catch: the job is filling in for someone who will be out for a year. It’s a short-term position with benefits, and I will be out of work in a year. So is it worth it? Not only am I giving up stable employment, but I’d also be packing up and moving my whole life, and the thought of being unemployed in a year terrifies me. I’m torn; I really want this job and to leave my current job/city — any advice?

I can’t answer that for you, but the factors that you want to pay attention to are how many jobs are in your field in the city you’d be moving to, how competitive you are as a candidate in general (and thus how hard or easy it might be for you to find a new job in a year), the likelihood of the job turning into something else more permanent with the same company, and how badly you want to get home.

Keep in mind, too, that if you stay where you are, there’s no guarantee that you’ll still have your job in a year (terrible, awful boss and a field you hate aren’t the greatest combination for longevity, even when you intend it). So either way, you might be job searching in a year. One question might be where you’d rather be living if that happens.

5. What to do at work when a family member is on trial

I had been debating sending this question in until I saw Monday’s post and decided to ask. My dad has been a church staff member for many years and was recently brought up on felony charges for sexual misconduct with a minor. The first day the charges were filed, the story was on the local news but for about since then he has been out on bail and there has been no more media attention. He is trying to reach a plea agreement with the prosecutor but it currently doesn’t look like that is going to happen. There is a high likelihood the case will go to trial and become a recurring story in the local media this summer.

I live about 30 minutes from my parents and work in the nearest big city. I am married so I have a different last name. Due to a medical condition, I had several emergency contacts, including my dad and the church that he was employed at, posted at my desk. These have been taken down but my management and several coworkers had that list. I am really concerned about how to handle my coworkers if this goes to trial. What do I say when the news story comes up over lunch? Do I officially notify my department that he is no longer an emergency contact? How do I handle any time off I might need during this? My husband had a coworker mention the story the only other time it was on the news and that made me even more concerned about it happening again.

Ugh, I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this.

You don’t need to discuss this at work, even if others bring it up. If anyone learns what’s going on and asks you about it, it’s fine to simply say, “This is a hard time for my family, and I’d rather not talk about it.” People will generally take their cues from you, and you shouldn’t be afraid to just make it clear that it’s not up for discussion. (And if someone brings up the story without realizing it’s your father, it’s fine to simply change the subject; you’re not obligated to share anything if you don’t want to.)

As for the emergency contacts, you can simply supply a new contact list to the coworkers who have the old list. There’s no reason to explain why — just “I updated my emergency contacts, so please replace the old list with this one.” And as for any time off you need during this, it’s fine to simply say that you have a family emergency or family issues that you need time to attend to. You don’t owe anyone a more detailed explanation that that.

6. Employer is reneging on a 3-year pay agreement

Our employer agreed to a 3-year pay deal last year. One year into it, he now decides he wants a pay freeze. Is this legal?

Unless you have a written contract that commits to paying you a certain amount of a certain period of time, with no escape clause for the employer, yes, it is legal. Employers can change your pay at any time unless you have that sort of contract (although they can’t change it retroactively).

7. Paid holidays when on maternity leave

I’m curious how most companies handle corporate holidays that fall during maternity leave. I work for a small company without a formal HR department. They are currently writing our maternity leave policy, as I’m the first person to need it. I’ve been told that they’re planning on 8 weeks at a portion of my salary, which I recognize is more generous than is required by law.

Based on my due date, I will almost certainly be on maternity leave during three corporate holidays (Thanksgiving, the day after Thanksgiving, and Christmas). Would it be reasonable to ask that I receive my full salary on the holidays? Or do most companies consider you ineligible while on leave?

Generally you wouldn’t be eligible for holiday pay while on longer-term leave like that. (Which, if you think about it, makes sense — you’re still on long-term leave; the fact that a holiday happens to fall in there doesn’t really make a difference.) I’m sure you could find some employers who do pay it, but it’s not common, in my experience.

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Is it inappropriate to take leftovers home when your boss treats you to lunch?

by Alison Green on July 2, 2013

A reader writes:

My boss recently took the department out for lunch. He treated us to a holiday lunch back in December and wanted to do it again as our department has been doing well. We’re a small group: my boss, our admin, myself, and a coworker who is one of my peers. These lunches have been at fairly nice sit-down restaurants, and my boss always tells us to order whatever we want. I’ve always interpreted that as order whatever I want within reason, and I typically order something similar to what he’s having (i.e., no dessert for me if my boss doesn’t get dessert).

At lunch, my boss ordered the pork tenderloin. Our admin got a large salad. I got the grilled salmon. My coworker ordered a chowder, the steak, and an extra side of fries. The restaurant was busy, and it took forever for the fries to come out. I prefer to eat small meals, so I ate half my entree and had the rest packed up in a box. My coworker also had leftovers packed up as she couldn’t finish her steak and didn’t even touch the fries. Despite not being able to finish her meal, she asked if anyone wanted to split a dessert. We skipped dessert as my boss needed to get back to the office for a meeting.

When I bumped into our admin later in the day, she said my coworker and I should not have taken our leftovers with us. She seemed to think that it was very inappropriate and that we had committed some kind of faux pas. This is the first I’ve heard of anything like this. Back in school, I had attended a professional development seminar, which included an etiquette dinner that covered all sorts of nitpicky things. In a formal setting, I can see how leftovers might be a no no, but for a casual lunch, I don’t see why it’s not okay. If it were a client lunch, I would have ordered something smaller to avoid the hassle of leftovers entirely.

What surprised me was that our admin went on and on about how inappropriate it was that we got the leftovers to go, but didn’t mention a word about my coworker ordering the most expensive entree, additional items, and suggesting dessert. To me, that was inappropriate even though our boss did tell us to order whatever we wanted.

What are your thoughts regarding leftovers? I naturally eat small meals and hate for food to go to waste. Is it considered inappropriate to take the leftovers to go when your manager is treating you to lunch?

I think it’s perfectly appropriate to take leftovers with you when you’re out with your manager or coworkers, if you have a reasonably informal relationship with them. If you don’t, or if it’s a client lunch or an interview, I would not — since in that context, rightly or wrongly, asking for a doggy bag generally seen as a little … gauche. Plus, you should be focusing on the business of the meeting, not the food.

You’re also right to follow the lead of the host (your boss, in this case) on dessert, appetizers, and the general cost of your meal. Otherwise, if you order significantly more or at a significantly higher price, it can come across as taking advantage of the host’s hospitality — so your coworker was in the wrong there.

By the way, etiquette also considers it rude to tell someone that they’ve broken an etiquette rule, so your admin was in the wrong herself for chastising you for the doggy bag later — let alone “going on and on” about it.

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does an employer have to act on a doctor’s note? … and taking away people’s assigned desks

by Alison Green on July 2, 2013

A reader writes:

I work for a company that has traditionally provided cubicle-style seating and equipped each work station with a laptop, docking station, and monitor. We just won a new client, and our team is moving a new space on a different floor. They are renovating the space to be workbench-style seating with no separation between desks. They are also trying a new style of seating, called “hot desking.” That means no one will have assigned seating; they will be first come, first serve. We will each have a locker for a few personal items and to lock up our laptops each night. We’ve also been told the company is going paperless, and we won’t have space in drawers or filing cabinets for papers.

None of this sounds great to me, but it is happening whether I like it or not. I’m hardly the only person upset, but management is chalking it up employees not leaning into change and insisting that we give it a try.

My single biggest concern is that we will no longer have monitors to use at our workstations and will be forced to work exclusively from our laptops. In addition to being inconvenient and less productive due to the number of spreadsheets we work with on regular basis, I am concerned about hurting my eyes and poor posture caused by hunching over my workstation and looking at the smaller screen all day. I had LASIK eye surgery a few years ago, and truly have eye sensitivities. If I needed a doctor’s note to support this, I could probably get one.

Does my employer have an obligation to provide a second screen if I present a doctor’s note? Or are they allowed to equip each person with hardware as they see fit? Any advice you have is greatly appreciated.

Doctors’ notes don’t actually obligate employers to act, even though people often think they do.

The only time a doctor’s note  triggers any legal obligation on the part of the employer is when it’s related to accommodation required by law — such as the Americans with Disabilities Act, etc.

Otherwise, it’s entirely up to the employer whether they act on a doctor’s note. Some do, and some don’t.

So the questions here are (a) whether you have a condition that’s covered under the ADA or another applicable law and (b) whether you have an employer who’s responsive to reasonable requests and willing to work with you once they hear there’s a problem.

Generally, it’s good to start out assuming that you have (b), until/unless you learn that you don’t. So that means that you should simply talk to your manager or whoever else is in a position to change your work station arrangement. Explain your concerns, offer to bring in a doctor’s note if that would help, and ask if it would be possible to accommodate you so that you can work without pain.

Note that this doesn’t start out with a doctor’s note — because there often isn’t any need for one at all. If you work for a reasonable employer that treats you like an adult, and if your request is one that they can accommodate without much hardship, then you probably won’t even need a note. You simply need to speak up.

But of course, not all employers fall in that category, which is why you can mention that you’d be glad to get a doctor’s note if it’s needed. And again, that note won’t have any force in law (unless there’s a legally covered condition in play), but sometimes offering or supplying one can nudge a company into deciding to accommodate you anyway.

On a side note, this new seating arrangement sounds like a load of crap. It reeks of the company grabbing on to a trend and implementing it without real thought or care about how it will impact people. Boo to them.

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my manager over-shares about his personal life and I want him to stop!

by Alison Green on July 2, 2013

A reader writes:

I have been in my new job for about five weeks now with a very small service-providing firm of only about 10 employees. I am a director-level employee and report right to the COO.

Our COO is new in his role, but not new with the company. I get the feeling he does not have a lot of leadership experience, and he certainly has never led at this level before now. The issue is that he feels the need to share drama about his ex-wife, his two teenage daughter’s antics, and his current wife’s hatred of his ex-wife.  This sharing goes on and on when it occurs — and it occurs during meetings occasionally, where it is totally inappropriate and wastes valuable time.  Once in a while, we leave the office together at the end of the day, and I actually have stood outside waiting to walk to my car while he finishes another tale. He does this over-sharing with everyone, not just me.

I know I need to say something, but I do not want to appear insensitive.  How do I tell this guy to back off without making it seem like I am cold and heartless? I am comfortable initiating the conversation, but unsure of the approach.

When you want to address someone’s problematic behavior in the workplace, you have two choices: Address a specific instance on the spot when it happens, or address your big picture concerns in a conversation at another time.

It’s usually much easier to address it on the spot. Saving it for a bigger conversation later tends to make it feel much more serious, and that’s something that can be particularly sticky when (a) you’re new to the job, and (b) the person you’re taking issue with is your boss. Because the reality is, those two factors make this a situation where you need to proceed with much more caution than you otherwise would – especially him being your boss.

So the next time he starts over-sharing about his personal life, speak up in the moment. If at all possible, do it in a kind way, not with an overtly critical or serious tone. For instance:

Boss: “You won’t believe what my ex-wife has done now! This morning, I had an outrageous phone call from her!”

You: “Not something I should know! Sorry you’re dealing with that, but can we talk about the software bugs that just got reported?”

Do this a few times, and he may start to catch on.

Alternately, you can have a separate conversation with him about the pattern itself, saying something like, “Bob, I really enjoy working with you, but I want to tell you about something that’s troubling me. When you share details about your ex-wife and other personal problems, I feel uncomfortable, especially when we end up spending a lot of time discussing it. I so enjoy working with you aside from this, and I thought you might not realize how often it’s coming up.”

The problem, though, is that he’s doing this with everyone and because you don’t have an established relationship with him because you’re new, you risk standing out as the one unfriendly person on the team who’s shutting him down. Are you willing to take that risk? That’s something you’d want to decide before you tackle this. You might decide that if he’s unprofessional enough to hold that against you, he’s not a manager you want to be working with anyway – but this is a decision you want to make ahead of time so that you’re not caught off-guard afterwards by negative repercussions.

One last option: If you have a good rapport with someone above your manager, you could consider talking discreetly with them about the problem. But you’d want this to be someone you trust to handle it sensitively, not just report to your boss that you complained about them.

Good luck!

I originally published this at The Fast Track blog by Intuit QuickBase.

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choosing work over a wedding, writing samples, and more

by Alison Green on July 2, 2013

It’s tiny answer Tuesday — seven short answers to seven short questions. Here we go…

1. An important work trip might conflict with my best friend’s wedding

One of my best friends is getting married out of state next year. She asked me to be in her wedding and I gratefully accepted.

I recently found out that I may be selected to win an award at work that would be a trip out of the country, during the same time as her wedding. It’s a high honor award and something I’ve been working towards for years. After this year, my opportunity to win again will be minimal. It’s a trip, but more importantly an opportunity that could elevate and create future career opportunities for me. Not going would cause my leaders to question my committment to my job because people do NOT miss this opportunity. I mentioned this to my friend, early in advance (8 months before the wedding) and let her know that I would give her an update in a few months, but there is a chance I will have to go to the work trip. She is really upset that I would choose a work trip over her wedding. I tried to explain that it’s not just a trip and would impact my career, and she didn’t seem to understand. What is the right thing to do in this situation?

I can’t answer that for you. It depends on how close you are to this friend, as well as on how much the trip could really help in your future career. Personally, I’d argue that if it really would have an impact on your career in the future, a good friend wouldn’t ask you to give that up — and would know that there are other ways to celebrate her marriage with her, even if you can’t be at the wedding. (But then I’m someone who wants as few people at my wedding as possible, so others may feel differently.)

2. Why did my interviewer tell me how many applications they had received?

I recently had a phone interview, and the hiring manager mentioned that they had “over 100 applications for this role, so congratulations!” What does that mean? I mean, what’s the purpose of telling me how many applications they’ve gotten? Should I feel grateful that I got through initial screening? I don’t understand why an interviewer would tell the candidate how many applications they’ve had if there wasn’t a reason (for the record — I applied on Tuesday, heard bnack on Thursday, phone interview Friday, so it’s not like it took them ages to get back to me). Part of me knows that the interviewer was sincere, but I also wonder if there is some subtext there I’m not getting? I have a face-to-face interview tomorrow, and I don’t know if it will come up again.

You’re over-thinking it. All it means is “we had a lot of applicants, and you were only of only a small number we’re talking to, so you should feel good about your competitiveness.” It’s a compliment. Nothing more than that.

3. Should I tell spa clients the reason when we need to cancel their appointment?

I manage in the spa industry, and if a therapist doesn’t show up to work, their guests are directly affected. I sometimes struggle with how to word an apology to a guest. If there was a death in the family, is it tacky to mention it instead of just apologizing for the inconvenience caused to the guest? In certain situations, guests actually insist on more information, and it can be hard to revert their attention to how I’m going to fix it instead of what went wrong.

I would  err on the side of telling them the reason rather than not, unless the reason is something you’d reasonably assume the therapist doesn’t want disclosed (gynecological problems, for instance). If you give a reason, people tend to be much more understanding (“oh, she’s sick, of course she shouldn’t come in”), whereas if you don’t, it’s easier to wonder if it’s just a cavalier attitude toward being there.

4. What writing sample should I use for this job?

I’m applying to a grant-making position at a local foundation. The application requires a “one-page writing sample in third-person on any subject.”

I currently work in university development, and have several years of experience with fundraising communications. However, I don’t feel comfortable using anything I’ve written. Everything is edited by at least two different people, and, when applicable, edited further by the signer. The end result is often substantially different from the original writing. I don’t want to misrepresent myself.

I’m also in business school, and have done a decent amount of writing there. Would it be ok to submit an academic writing sample? Am I being overly cautious about using a writing sample from work? Should I come up with something entirely new? And if so, where would I even start?

You’re right that you shouldn’t use something that doesn’t represent your own writing. Academic writing samples aren’t always great either, though, since academic writing is so often dense and different than what the rest of the world considers good writing (which is generally a lot more concise). If you don’t have anything that perfectly fits, I’d consider writing something that you think is similar to what you’d be writing in this job (particularly since it’s only one page — that’s not a significant time investment). There’s more advice on this here.

5. Should a resume summary be in narrative form or bullet points?

Should the summary section of a resume be in narrative form with grammatically correct sentences or is a paragraph of statements and sentences alright? In the examples I have seen online, the summary is in paragraph form with statements and sentences mixed together.

Bullet points are best, and not in complete sentences. The idea is to make it short and easy to skim. It should not be a narrative paragraph of text. (And it definitely shouldn’t be a mix of fragments and sentences — it should be consistent in its format.)

6. Employer rejected me for one job but said there might be another one opening soon

Interviewed for a job, made it to the final stage, but was rejected via email. The message contained the following sentence: “However, they might be having another [redacted-but the job title] open on their team in the next few weeks and they would like to consider you for that opening as well. I will let you know once the position comes available, in hopes you’re still on the market.”

Why would the HR person say this unless they were 100% confident there would be an opening? Does this mean that if/when they have an opening, I would be offered the job? It would seem a little unprofessional to say all of this unless there was a legit interest in hiring me shortly down the road. I don’t really know what to make of this.

It doesn’t mean anything more than “there might be an opening coming up soon that you could be a candidate for, and I’ll let you know if that happens.” It doesn’t mean you’d be offered the job at that point without interviewing for it; it only means that they’d consider you part of the candidate pool for it. Why do you object to them telling you that?

7. Are my manager’s instructions for dealing with a male coworker discrimination?

My female boss insists that I apologize to a male coworker who sent me an insulting email. She insists that I go to his office, shut the door and — direct quote — “stroke his ego” and “tell him how much you appreciate him” and when I do this, he will “puff out his chest and strut around” and “all will be forgiven.”

Not a word about how he owes me an apology. Not a word about counseling or reprimanding him for his attitude. Is this gender discrimination?

In the legal sense? I don’t know — can you point to a larger pattern of your boss treating men and women differently, in severe or pervasive ways that impact their career progression or working conditions? If not, then this is just your boss being ridiculous.

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what does it mean when an employer says, “let us know if you get any offers”?

by Alison Green on July 1, 2013

A reader writes:

When an employer says “let us know if you get any other offers,” can you explain what that actually means?

I had a great first interview, and a great second interview where they said that. I don’t get it. Why do they say it at all? I am still interviewing for other jobs, but I really want this job, yet have heard nothing. Should I keep hoping and waiting or write it off?

It feels like the equivalent of a date saying, “I’ll call you” after a fun evening but he doesn’t. Thoughts?

“Let us know if you get any other offers” means “It’s possible we might want to hire you, although we haven’t decided that yet, and if you’re about to accept another offer, we want to know so that we have the chance to decide to make you an offer too.”

You might think, “Well, then why not just decide that right now, rather than waiting until I have an offer from somewhere else?”

Generally, there’s a reasonable answer to that: They want to talk to a certain number of candidates before making a decision because that’s responsible to do when you want to ensure that you’re hiring the best person for the job. Or there’s a candidate who seems great but who can’t interview for another two weeks, and they don’t want to make a decision until they’ve given her a fair evaluation. Or they’d ideally like to wait another few weeks in order to iron something out — a budget question, or an issue with the job description, or there’s a chance that Bob might be leaving and if he does, they’re going to tweak the role you applied for a little bit. Or all sorts of other things.

But even with those scenarios, if they like you enough, they might be willing to expedite their decision if the alternative is losing you entirely. And that’s where you get statements like “let us know if you get any other offers.” They’d prefer to take their time for any of the reasons above, but not necessarily if it means losing you over the wait.

Now, some people hear that and think that they should bluff and say they have another offer even if they don’t — and then, hey, they can get a faster answer and not have to deal with the frustrating waiting period. But that can backfire hugely — because “let us know if you get any other offers” doesn’t mean “because then we’ll hire you faster.” It can very often end up meaning that you instead hear “We’re not ready to make a decision yet, so go ahead and take that other offer.”

So this isn’t something that you want to bluff about.

As for whether you should keep waiting or write them off all together, the answer is neither.  I mean, you should move on mentally, because you should always move on mentally after applying or interviewing for a job because you have nothing to gain by agonizing and wondering, but what you shouldn’t be doing is reading into all of this and trying to interpret it and getting frustrated when you think they’re hinting at things and not being clear and  not following up in the way you want.

Paraphrasing the Flight of the Conchords, an interview isn’t a promise of anything more, no matter how great the conversation seemed to go. It’s just an interview. The same  is true of requests to let them know if you get another job offer.  The best thing that you can do for your sanity is to remember that (and to watch the linked video).

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my boss was arrested for child pornography

by Alison Green on July 1, 2013

A reader writes:

Two weeks ago, my boss sent an email to our corporate office saying that he had a family emergency and he would be out for a few days. After a week, everyone who works with him started to really get worried about him. Seriously, this man is a workaholic. Some of us who are closer to him than others (those who hang with him outside of work) were calling his cell phone and subsequently his family to make sure he was ok. After the family was cryptic about what was going on, we all started wondering what happened and thinking the worst case scenarios, as anyone does when they worry about a friend.

After some online searching by me and another employee, we found that he has been arrested for child pornography. We both feel betrayed and disgusted by this man. He has met our kids. I have no idea whether his bosses know the full story or if they even care. They talked to him mainly by phone and email, while we saw him regularly and have gone to dinner with him.

The two of us who know the truth worry that it may become a local media story covered by the newspaper or TV once the trial starts. We wouldn’t want to find out that way. Personally, I was worrying about him and if someone else found this out, I would want to know so I could stop worrying.

Should we tell his bosses what we found and/or tell the rest of our team? Also, if the media starts covering the story and mentions where he was employed, shouldn’t we all be aware of this before the rest of the public, since we deal with customers 10-30 times per day? Please help!

Talk to his boss — who’s presumably your management contact now that your manager is incommunicado anyway, right?

You should talk to his boss for a few different reasons:

1. You need to discuss logistics. What’s the plan for the management of your department while this is going on? The last official thing you heard was that he’d be out for a few days, and that was two weeks ago. Someone needs to step in and give you a longer-term plan for what’s going on.

2. You’re right that this type of event has potential public relations implications for the company, and at the very least, they shouldn’t be blindsided by it.

3. This type of thing isn’t value-neutral; it’s going to be upsetting to people who hear about, particular people who work for him. Frankly, that’s true of any arrest, but it’s far more true with an arrest for something like this. The company needs to know what’s going on, decide how to handle it, and communicate that to employees. People shouldn’t be left to discover it for themselves randomly, and then be left to wonder whether the company even knows about.

So yes, talk with his manager. And do that before you discuss it with the rest of your team, since it will reflect better on you if you allow the company the chance to handle this first.

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