Ask a Manager

It’s mini answer Monday — seven short answers to seven short questions. Here we go…

1. Can I ask an employer what their work hours are like?

Everything I’ve seen suggests that one shouldn’t ask a prospective employer what work hours are like.

I just got a job offer. Having interviewed on-site at the company, my “vibe” was that hours wouldn’t be too outrageous, but my wife really wants to know because we have two small children. I’m willing to put in pretty long hours, but she reasonably thinks that it’s important for me to know what I’m getting myself into. Is it possible to ask about hours/working conditions after an offer has been tendered, or is this still a bad idea?

You should absolutely ask! In fact, it would be a bad idea not to — because that’s how you end up a job where you’re out of sync with what’s expected of you.

I think the advice that you’re thinking of is that you don’t want to come across in the interview stage as if you’re mainly interested in a job that won’t require too much of you — and if all your questions are about benefits, hours, etc. rather than the work itself, you can risk that. But asking about hours in the context of a bunch of other questions is completely fine — and, again, necessary. And certainly once you have an offer, ask whatever questions you need to ask to feel comfortable making a decision about whether this is the right job for you or not.

2. Does long hair look unprofessional?

I have a good grasp on makeup, dress and perfume, but not on the rules of thumb for hair in the workplace, other than the obvious “look polished” rule. Is there any info about recommended hair length for upper level management positons? Does long hair send a different message than shoulder length hair?

In general, long hair (longer than mid-back) is going to look more professional worn up than worn down, but  — at least in many parts of the country — the rule that women can’t look professional with long hair after a certain age isn’t really in effect anymore. Just make sure that you style it well and don’t  leave it just hanging down your back.

3. What does this email from HR mean?

I applied online to a job 3 weeks ago, and earlier this week, I got this email response from the Director of HR: “Thank you for your interest in the position of [deleted]. We have reviewed your resume and have carefully considered your qualifications. While your background and skills are certainly impressive, we have decided the position will not be filled at this time. We will re-visit the position in the middle of August. On behalf of the company, we thank you again for your interest in [deleted] and we wish you all the best in your future endeavors.”

What should I make of this email response I got? I’m not sure how to interpret it. Will they still consider me as a candidate come August? Will they automatically contact me when they decide to revisit the position? Should I respond back to ask if I could follow up with them in August? Should I leave it alone and follow up in August? Is this a nice way of rejecting me? If they are impressed with my background, why are they wishing me the best in my future endeavors?! I’m confused!

It means nothing more than “We’re not filling the position currently but might do so in mid-August.” So yes, if you remain interested, you should check back with them in mid-August; don’t assume that they’ll reach out to you then. And you don’t need to ask now if you can do that; you can just do it when the time comes.

As for being impressed with your background, that’s form letter language that shows up in lots of mass rejection emails. And even if they truly are impressed your with qualifications, it doesn’t mean anything beyond that. I’m impressed with the qualifications of people I reject all the time — but I’m  rejecting them because someone else was better or they weren’t the right fit for what I’m hiring for, or whatever. As a rule, don’t read things into compliments in rejection letters, unless the note is truly personalized.

4. What to do for a reference when my former manager stalked me

Three years ago, I transferred internally from one position to another in the same department. During that time in the second position, my former manager used my personnel file, which he still had a copy of, to stalk me, at and away from work. I got a restraining order (that has since expired). He wasn’t fired or even demoted. He is still the manager of my former position. His only punishment was that he had to comply with restraining order, which meant he had to be relocated within the building, and he was forbidden to speak to or about me in a professional context ever again.

I deplore the way this was handled and sought a position at another company, where I work now. I’m not currently looking for a job, but if I were, how would I handle this on the application/resume/references parts? He was my supervisor, but he isn’t allowed to speak about me during a reference check. I suspect that if he were called, he would talk to the reference checker any way and “tell his side of the story,” because what abusive stalker wouldn’t like the opportunity to STILL manipulate the object of his attention years after she got away? He insisted to the police and to our company that we were having an affair and that I was the crazy one. There was zero evidence of either of his assertions. I had oodles of documentation supporting my claims, hence the court order. He was stalking me because he had a serious crush and was insulted when I left the position working under him.

Alison, this guy is kinda scary. I don’t want reference checkers calling him AT ALL. I actually regret letting my restraining order expire now that I’ve written all this out. What do I do?

How awful. The company should handle this by having someone else prepared to give you a reference and, if necessary, to explain that your previous manager stalked you and obviously shouldn’t be spoken with about your candidacy. So I’d start by contacting them and asking them to do that; if they balk at all, then you should have a lawyer contact them to negotiate this on your behalf. Frankly, you probably have a lot of leverage, given the situation, and you shouldn’t be afraid to use it to get what you need here.

5. When HR is closely aligned with the executive director

Is it legal or ethical for an HR director to be closely aligned with the executive director (even assuming second in command position), or should HR remain at arms length to insure impartiality for senior management in disputes with ED? (Our problem is that we no longer have HR to go to with unreasonable demands, expectations, or working conditions or staffing concerns, now that our only HR resource — the HR director — is so close to our manager, the ED.)

It’s certainly legal, and — while there might be a question about whether a particular configuration is good for the company or not — it’s not really an ethical issue either. HR isn’t there to function as an impartial arbiter or to represent the staff’s interests to the head of the company. HR is there to serve the organization’s interests, particularly when it comes to keeping it out of legal trouble, and it works for senior management / the company itself. It might at times advocate for employees’ interests against something the management is doing, but it would be doing that because it’s in the long-term interests of the company, not because its role is particularly to be an employee advocate.

6. Following up when a request for contacts has been ignored

I recently completed an internship and when I left, my manager suggested I contact our department director about some contacts she might have in the field I am hoping to work in. I reached out to her and she responded, saying she would think about it and get back to me. After 2 weeks, I haven’t heard anything from her. I would like to follow up because I think she probably just forgot, but I’m struggling to come up with wording that doesn’t sound too demanding. Do you have any suggestions? Is it possible that she didn’t respond because she doesn’t want to recommend me?

Sure, that’s possible. It’s also possible that it just slipped her mind, or slipped to the bottom of her priority list. It’s reasonable to follow up once (but not more than that). Say something like, “Hi Jane, I wanted to check back with you about whether there’s anyone you might connect me with for XYZ. If not, no worries, but I’m eager to move forward in this field and am hoping you might be able to advise me. Thanks!”

7. Recruiter was annoyed when I wouldn’t tell her my current salary

A recruiter called to do a phone screen before she put me into her list of recommendations to the hiring manager for consideration. She asked a few questions pertaining to my experience (which I answered clearly and politely) and then asked what my current and expected salary were. I politely replied that my expected salary is stated in my job application profile and that I wished not to answer about my current salary package at this point until the hiring manager wishes to interview me.

I think she got annoyed; she told me that from the standpoint of HR, she wouldn’t know how to put me in an interview if I didn’t answer this question, and quickly followed by saying that it was okay if I didn’t want to answer and thanks for my time. Her attitude was a total 180 change.

Does the recruiter have the right to be annoyed because I refuse to disclose my current salary package in an initial phone screen? Aren’t my expected salary and CV the most important elements to be considered when deciding if I should be interviewed?

Sure, she can be annoyed, and you can decide that you’re not interested in interviewing with a company that expects private salary information from candidates (which is a ridiculous demand, as I’ve written here before). That said, it’s entirely reasonable to expect you to talk about your salary expectations, and replying to that by saying the information is in your job application isn’t generally going to go over well. When someone asks a question, either answer it or don’t, but don’t tell them that they can find the answer in another document; that comes across as unnecessarily difficult.

It’s short answer Saturday — seven short answers to seven short questions. Here we go…

1. Should you dumb down your resume?

I recently had a disagreement with a family member about how I should approach a job. I’ve worked in Helpdesk-related IT work for five years and have a Bachelor’s degree. I was applying for a computer tutor position in a computing lab.

The family member said I basically needed to “dumb down” my resume because otherwise I seemed too overqualified for the job. I really don’t understand that, because to me, it seems like the hiring company would be thrilled to have someone working there who has such a broad range of skills relating to that subject.

I realize you always should tailor resumes to better fit a particular job, but I really don’t think taking away a variety of skills that I have that aren’t directly related to the job is going to make me stand out more.

Yep, your family member is wrong on this one. There’s nothing wrong with eliminating information from your resume that you don’t think will help strengthen your candidacy (whether it’s an unrelated Masters degree or a job outside your field), but having a bachelor’s and five years of experience isn’t the type of thing that is going to make people think you’re shockingly overqualified for and unhireable for a tutoring job.

2. I didn’t get to ask questions in an interview — what’s the best way to proceed?

I had an interview today for a marketing/community affairs position at a local hospital. First I met with a woman from HR, who told me about the hospital and the work environment. She asked if I had any questions for her, but most of my questions were for the hiring manager, who I met with next. The hiring manager was very nice and explained the position to me, which sounds interesting, but she was the only person in the office that day (there was an event taking place that the rest of the office was at) and naturally, as a director and the only person in the office, she was quite busy — the phone kept ringing and so forth and she had to get to the event, leaving me with zero opportunity to ask my questions. The job sounds interesting, but I know there’s more than what’s on the surface with any job, and my questions would have helped me get a better idea of how much I’d like the position — for example, is this what you’d call a desk job, etc.

Is this a bad sign? Should I find out her email address and ask the questions via email? Or see if they offer the position and then ask?

Wait to see what happens next. They may not move forward with you, so I wouldn’t email her with questions. They might schedule a second interview for you, in which case you could ask questions then. Or they might offer you the job, in which case you could say, “I’m very interested, but I didn’t have much time to ask questions during my interview because it was the day most of your staff was out and the director was very busy. Could I schedule a phone call with the director to talk more about the role?” (Or, if it’s the director herself who calls you with the offer, you could say, “I’d love to ask you some questions about the role. Is now a good time for that?”

Get your questions answered before you think about accepting the offer.

3. How to volunteer for a layoff

What’s the most effective way to volunteer for a layoff (I’ve heard the severance is pretty good and I’d like to start my own business anyway…)

My company is buying themselves and the deal closes on 9/30 and I’m supposed to lead the new website launch. I’d like to negotiate a layoff position and then contract out my time to finish up the project. Any advice?

Well, is your company doing mass layoffs, or are you just hoping you can negotiate one for yourself? It wasn’t clear from your letter. If the latter, that’s pretty hard to do — they don’t have any incentive to agree like they would in a mass layoff situation where they’re looking for people to cut.

If it is a mass layoff situation, though, then first realize that only some positions are under consideration for cutting. If yours is one that they want to keep, you won’t be eligible (and may potentially harm yourself by indicating you’d like to leave). So first see what you can find out about that. Second, don’t just volunteer; find out the specifics of the severance package from someone with authority to tell you (don’t rely on rumors, because they can be wrong, or they might be offering different packages for different roles or levels of seniority, and you want to make sure you have your information right). Once you’ve settled both of those things, then talk to either your manager or HR, express your potential willingness to volunteer, and ask how to proceed.

4. Explaining why I’m interested in a company whose offer I backed out on previously

About a year and a half ago, I got an job offer from company A. The offer was very tempting, and I went as far as letting my manager know I’d be quitting. In the end, I wasn’t very certain I wanted to leave my current job, so I ended up accepting a counter offer ( 60% raise). Of course, I knew this was not the best idea, but I was so very scared of changing companies. I politely let the company A know that I’d won’t be accepting their offer after all, and they seemed to take it well. After this rejection, they contacted me twice more for offers, but both times I turned them down citing that I had promised my current employer at least another six months, which was true.

Fast forward to present time, when I started earnestly job searching and was contacted by a recruiter on behalf of company A. I expressed a sincere interest in the job (perhaps even a bit too eagerly) and mentioned that I had interviewed at company A before, but ended up rejecting their offer. I didn’t really give any specific details, but I think I made a reasonably compelling argument about why I’d be interested in working for this company. So tomorrow I have an interview with company A’s HR manager.

I am rather stressed about answering the inevitable “why do you want to join our company”, given my previous rejections. My reasons are still the same as last year: I want a change from my current project, comapny A works with a type of clients I am unfamiliar with, but would love to have experience working with … and this time, I AM actually ready for a change. Obviously the last reason is not something I’d actually say. That’s more for me to know. How do you suggest I approach such a situation?

Well, generally in this situation, their concern is going to be why they should believe you’re ready now, when you weren’t before … and when you went so far as to accept their offer (it sounds like) before backing out. (Frankly, a lot of companies wouldn’t re-interview you at all after that!) So you’ll need to have a compelling, convincing explanation for what has changed since then. Not just why you’re interested in them — but why now is different from last time, and why they should be confident that you wouldn’t renege on an offer acceptance again.

5. Can I do anything to ensure that my resume was received by an employer?

I sent my cover letter/resume directly to a manager (per the directions on the job’s website). I sent it to his work email and did not receive a “bounce back” message, but I also didn’t receive any kind of “receipt” that he’d received the email either. I’m assuming it would be pushy/annoying to write again to verify that he got the email. Is there anything I can do, or is it a situation where I just have to sit tight and realize that if they’re interested he will contact me?

Sit tight and wait. If you really want to, you can follow up (by email, not phone) in two weeks to reiterate your interest, but I wouldn’t do anything beyond that. Yes, there’s a small possibility that your email got lost and was never received, but that possibility is quite small compared to the chances that it was received. Not everyone has an auto-reply set up or allows receipts to be sent, so it’s most likely that it was received and you’ll hear something if they want to move forward with you. Frustrating, I know, when you’re looking for confirmation, but you’ve got to keep in mind that 99.99+% of emails you send are indeed received, even when you don’t get automated confirmation of them.

6. How to stay in touch with faculty and administrators from college

I graduated college about a year ago. I had several high leadership positions and was lucky enough to establish relationships with some key faculty and administrators–people who can be helpful to my career. I have been in touch with a few since I left. They have done recommendations for me, and I was invited by one to sit on a board as a visiting member. I am wondering if it is appropriate to send a birthday or holiday card to the “mentors” I have not spoken with since my graduation? What is an appropriate tactic that allows me to actively engage them to keep out relationship strong?

Sure, absolutely you can do that. I would also send the occasional email to keep in touch (several times a year, not monthly or anything like that), letting them know what you’re up to, sharing information that you think might interest them, etc.

7. Does a drug test indicate that I got the job?

I recently had two interviews for a job and was told I would hear by a certain date. On that date, I got an email from someone in HR that started like this, “Good afternoon, I would like to start with our background check and drug screening….” But there was no mention of whether I actually had the job or not. I thought that maybe they conduct drug screenings before offering the position, so I went the next day and took the test. I emailed the HR representative and let her know that I had completed the test, and she responded with “Thank you.”

It is now almost 24 hours later and I still haven’t heard anything. Could there have been a miscommunication where the department thinks HR has offered me the position and HR thinks the department has offered it to me? And is it normal to ask an applicant to get a drug screening before offering them the position?

It’s not unusual to have someone complete the drug screening before offering them a job, so I would assume that’s what’s happening here. That said, you can certainly email your HR contact and ask if she can give you a sense of their timeline for making a hiring decision.

And boo to drug testing and invasions of personal privacy, for most jobs.

It’s fast answer Friday — seven short answers to seven short questions. Here we go…

1. How to explain that I left my last job when the owner had a violent outburst

I’m a young woman working in the trades, and for the past 4 years I was working for a male acquaintance, who runs a small company. Unfortunately, my male acquaintance has a bit of a temper, and a few days ago he unleashed it at me, worse than I’ve ever seen. (It was not about a work issue, not that it matters.) He made numerous violent threats, cornered me alone on a jobsite and refused to let me leave, and eventually started cutting himself with a work knife. It was very frightening, and I ended up contacting the police and getting a restraining order against him. I feel good about the way I resolved the situation and I’m ready to move on, but I’m not sure how to handle my job search. Obviously I don’t want to just leave the job off my resume, since it’s my most recent job, the longest term job I’ve had, and the most relevant to my career. But since it was such a small company and the only other employees are family members of my scary ex-boss, I don’t have any references I can use for it.

How should I handle this topic when a potential employer asks for references or about why I left? I feel like in most fields it would be obvious that my ex-boss was the problem, but in such a male-dominated field I’m worried that I might be seen as just another emotional girl causing drama.

How awful. Can you use one of the other employees as a reference, even though they’re family members of this guy? Customers who might vouch for you? Regardless, I think I’d say, “After four years, the owner had a breakdown where he became violent.” As long you seem sane and credible through the rest of the hiring process, most interviewers should give you the benefit of the doubt on something like this.

2. My team isn’t following the policy I trained them on

I work in a call center environment, and my team deals with a variety of stressed out callers on a daily basis. For a long time, there was not a clearly articulated policy regarding deliberate swearing/prolonged abusive language from callers. When my manager asked me to create new training materials for my team, this is something that I brought up. We devised a policy for callers who use extensive profanity in a deliberate manner (e.g. an angry tirade as opposed to an accidental swear word); the caller is warned the first time that the call will be terminated if the abusive language continues, and the second use of profanity is the team member’s cue to end the conversation. I conveyed this point to my team once this policy was finalized, and I did not receive any indication that my team had an issue with this policy.

A few days ago, I found out someone on my team chose to disregard this policy during a call. I was surprised, and she explained that it was her call. This actually made me quite angry, as it was the latest event in a day full of moments when I witnessed evidence of my training being ignored. I tersely told her it was department policy and emailed my team lead about it soon after. My team lead was somewhat non-commital in his response, which concerns me because if I’m training these people, I want to make sure I’m conveying the correct information and that my team members aren’t willingly letting callers abuse them. I know that due to my official job title (merely a processor), I am in no position to enforce policy myself. My concern lies in the callers getting the impression that they can treat my team in such an unprofessional manner because someone decides it’s her call whether or not to follow the profanity policy established for the team. If my team lead is waffling on enforcing this (somewhat new policy) for handling abusive callers, should I bring this up with my manager?

Yes. Not as a complaint, but as a request for clarification: “We’d created a new policy on this, but it’s not being followed. When I spoke with the team lead about it, he was non-commital about how to handle it. If this isn’t going to be the policy after all, I want to be aware of that so that I don’t train people on it. If it IS going to be the policy, I think the team as a whole needs clarification on that. What’s the best way to proceed?”

In other words, your fight here isn’t to enforce the policy, since that’s not your call. Rather, it’s to bring the issue to the surface and get it resolved.

3. Being forced to take a vacation day for a company-wide closure

With the 4th of July upon us, a lot of people have requested the day after off (5th of July). My company decided to implement a company-wide closure for the 5th. Now they are making us take a vacation day or take an unpaid day off. Are they allowed to make us take our vacation time for a company-wide closure?

Yes.

4. Employer wants to interview me on the same day that I have a major work event

I am currently employed. I have a good job, one that I actually like. But a fantastic opportunity came along and I just had to apply. I’ve made it to round 2 of interviews, and they are at the organization’s office, which happens to be 400 miles away. No problem–they will fly me in. The catch? The interview date is the same day as a major event at work, one in which I am integrally involved. Is it too much to expect the interview committee to allow me some flexibility? I really want this job, but I’m not willing to lie or scheme my way out of this work event. Help!

It’s completely reasonable to say, “I’m sorry, but I have a work event on that date that I can’t miss. Is there another date that would work on your end?” In fact, most employers are expecting that you’ll speak up if the dates they propose would be a hardship for you. (That said, there are some circumstances where they can’t be flexible, but they’ll tell you if that’s the case; you should absolutely still ask.)

5. How far back should your resume go?

I have a question about resume depth. How far back should your jobs go? I have 3 jobs outside of college (graduated in 2006), but I don’t know if I should include them all in an effort to shorten my resume to one page. All 3 are relevant to my career. I know you say going to 2 pages is fine, but I feel like there is still a stigma against it. Do you have a rule of thumb for how many years or jobs back you should go on a resume?

Typically 15-20 years, so you should include them all. You should be able to get three jobs on a one-page resume, though; if you’re struggling, that’s a sign that you need to be more aggressive about editing it down.

6. Reference checks when employers know you with a previous name

I was married two years ago and happily bid farewell to my difficult-to-pronounce maiden name in favor of my husband’s last name. Now that I’m job-searching, I’m wondering if this will be a problem if/when employers verify my work history, particularly for some of the jobs I had during my college years (not that long ago). While my most relevant employers know about my marriage, there’s a couple of jobs listed under “other experience” where I haven’t kept in contact. Some of my friends have sidestepped this problem by using both names professionally — “Jane MaidenName MarriedName,” but I don’t want to do that unless I absolutely have to. What is the best way to address this with potential employers?

When you supply them with references, let them know what your maiden name was; they’re used to encountering this.

7. When you’re chronically sick during a summer internship

I’m a college student interning at an NYC financial firm this summer. For the past year or so, I have had undiagnosed stomachaches, sometimes accompanied by nausea. It’s not bad enough and happens enough that I can’t take time off every time it happens, especially during an internship. Any tips on how to deal with being “off” all the time at work, working while feeling terrible, etc.? On the other side, tips on what to say to people if they ask why I’m constantly feeling sick? I am trying to take care of this medically as well and as quickly as I can.

I’d talk to your manager about it so that she’s in the loop on what’s going on and doesn’t attribute any off-ness to bad work habits or anything else unflattering. You can simply say, “I want to let you know that I’m dealing with a health condition that makes me feel sick about X times a week/month. I’m concerned that there may be times when I seem off as a result, and I want to let you know that this is what’s going on so that you understand why I might sometimes seem tired or otherwise off. I’m working on getting this resolved quickly and and not letting it affect my work, but I felt it was something I should mention to you so that any symptoms aren’t misinterpreted.”

It’s terse answer Thursday — seven short answers to seven short questions. Here we go…

1. Should I pursue a job with a disorganized, scattered manager?

I applied for a job and got a call to schedule an interview. We agreed on 8 p.m. that night. I went to the business at that time and the manager wasn’t there. The person there called him and said to me, “He said he thought it was tomorrow. He’ll call you in the morning.” The next day, there was no call. So since he said he thought it was the next day I went to the business at 8 p.m. He wasn’t there again. The employee called him and he said, “He thought he didn’t have any interviews today. He’ll call you tomorrow.” The next day, there was no call. I waited a day to call them again. I called them and asked to schedule my interview, and the employee said, “The manager will be coming by in about an hour. I’ll tell him to give you a call.” Still no call that night either.

I have a friend who works at the business and he says the manager is all over the place but he likes working there. Should I continue to pursue this job despite the manager’s unreliability? I am in need of a job of some sort.

If you’re willing to take a job where the manager is chaotic and unorganized and doesn’t keep track of his commitments, then sure. That sounds like a loaded statement, but I genuinely mean it. Some people are just fine with that type of thing; if you’re one of them and know what you’d be getting into, then proceed — just realize what you’re being told about how this business operates.

2. Can I leave early when my work is done?

I work remotely and manage a team of 11 employees around the country. My workload is very much under control and I occasionally will work nights and/or weekends to get my work done. My projects are always done on time or ahead of time, and my boss is very complimentary of my and my team’s work.

Since I work remotely, I often have the dilemma of being done with work early and leaving the office before 5. I work at one of our company’s satellite offices, but none of my team members or my boss is there. I still answer emails after I leave, but I don’t see the point of staying if my work for the day is done. What are your thoughts on this? If my work is always done and no one would look for me, is it okay to not log in 40 hours every week?

I say yes, it’s completely fine — but it’s not my opinion that matters on this; it’s your manager’s. If your manager is sensible, she’ll have no issue with this — but it’s worth checking with her to make sure.

3. My manager asks me to do personal scheduling tasks for him

My manager will often ask me to do personal tasks for him that are basically the same as the ones I’m supposed to do for work, but I know they’re for family members. For example, he’ll ask me to schedule a call with his sister. I schedule calls with clients, but it seems inappropriate to me that he asks this for family. He also asked me to add more info to his out-of-town trip scheduling because his wife asked for it. I don’t think he should be using company resources (my time, which could be used doing actual work) to facilitate his personal life.

For what it’s worth, the other boss, with the exact same title, didn’t ask this of me. And there are several levels of executives above them. I admit I could be overreacting because I dislike him for other reasons.

If you’re his assistant, and it sounds like you are, it’s not crazy to ask you to do this stuff. Not every manager will (as you’re seeing with the other person you work for), but that doesn’t mean that it’s not legitimate for him to choose to. In fact, if he’s busy and working on high-level projects, there’s an argument that it’s a smart way to use an assistant — to allow him to stay focused on work that benefits the company. And if he’s traveling a lot, it’s not unreasonable to ask for your help in including info that will make it easier on him personally. Ultimately this usually comes down to what’s appropriate or inappropriate in your particular office culture, but there’s nothing inherently wrong with these particular requests.

4. My office is moving further away and my commute will be much longer

My boss told me that my office will be moving to another location, which is about 25 miles further away from my home than the current location. I currently travel 33 miles one way, against traffic, and it takes me about 50 minutes. I will soon have to travel 58 miles one way, plus $2 tolls Monday-Thursday, and $4 on some Fridays (seasonal thing), with traffic, and it will take about 1-1/2 hours. I also have young children who I need to get from child care by 6 pm.

What is a good way to ask for special arrangements in my situation? Is it even appropriate? I have thought about suggesting working from other departments that are more convenient for me, even if my office has to be somewhere else, or working from home. Is it appropriate to ask about an increase in salary even if simply based on the extra travel expenses I will incur? Otherwise, I don’t think I can actually afford to work there anymore.

You can certainly talk to your boss about the impact that the new commute will have on you and ask if it would be possible to work from another office or work from home (possibly only some days, rather than all). It’s a reasonable thing to ask for as long as your work doesn’t require you to be physically present in the new location. She may not say yes, but it’s reasonable to ask.

I would not ask for a salary increase based solely on this, although if you’re doing excellent work and are due for a raise, you could make this part of a raise request (but most of that request should focus on your value to the company).

5. How do I tell my manager that I’m overqualified and ask for higher level work?

Currently I am doing an entry-level customer service job for an underwear company. I have about 5-10 years of customer service experience, as well as salaried positions with Fortune 100 companies.

I have been in this position for a year. My stats are higher than average. I am on the same level as employees that have been in the same position for 3, 4 and 5 years. How do I ask/tell my manager I am overqualified and am looking to gain supervisorial / management experience?

Well, you can certainly say that you’d like to get management experience and ask for your manager’s help in exposing you to those opportunities. But you do not want to go about this by saying that you’re overqualified for your current job; that’s going to sound a lot like complaining about the level of a job that you willingly took. Instead, just explain you’re interested in moving forward and ask how you might increase your chances of that.

6. My manager brought someone else into his decision about firing me

My employer was trying to decide if he could dismiss me for a mistake I made. In determining this, he called in a friend of his from outside the company and discussed the matter with her. There was no contract or payment for her advice – just a friendly contribution to his decision-making process. He did not inform me about this either before or after he spoke with her. The consultation took place during business hours and at my employer’s office. Did my employer violate my right to privacy by bringing this person into the matter?

No. There’s no reason that your manager can’t solicit advice from others on stuff like this, and in fact, it’s fairly common to talk through these sorts of decisions with trusted advisors.

7. How long after a reference check does it take to hear whether you got the job?

After checking one’s references, how long does it usually take a company to get in touch with you regarding whether you got the job or did not?

Two glowing phone interviews were held with my former coworkers yesterday (a Tuesday) and I have yet to hear a word (is now Wednesday evening and I am hyperventilating with anxiety). Both references said it sounded to them like the job was mine based on the “boss’s” responses to their comments.

If you can, please tell me the average length of time companies wait before offering (or not) the position. The company has not had me fill out any paperwork with my Social so I doubt they are currently doing a background check — or am I wrong? Also, when would it be okay for me to send an email to them following up and asking, “so, what did you decide?” but more gently.

It can take anywhere from a couple of hours to weeks or months. In other words, there’s no meaningful way to know. They might finish checking your references but need to interview a last-minute candidate, who they can’t meet with until two weeks from now. Or a decision-maker might be out of town. Or they might need to focus on something higher-priority first. Or they might put the position itself on hold and not get back to you for a while. You can’t know. Often, you’ll hear something back within a week or two after your references are contacted. But there’s plenty of variation outside of that.

I would also not pay attention to your references’ assessment that it sounded like the job was yours. It might be, but it’s very possible for a reference to get that impression and end up being wrong. So put that out of your head entirely.

I know that’s frustrating, but the best thing you can do right now is to put the whole thing out of your head. Otherwise you could spend days or even weeks anxiously waiting for the phone to ring. Put a note on your calendar to send a note checking in on their likely timeline two weeks after your last contact with them … but other than that, move on mentally until you hear something. If and when they want to offer you a job, they’ll tell you.