Ask a Manager

It’s terse answer Thursday — seven short answers to seven short questions. Here we go…

1. Asking for a week off when company asks to extend my contract

I started my job 4.5 months ago. At that time, I was told I would work for a 6-month trial period, after which my contract would either terminate or be extended to one year. After one month of working, I was told my trial period would be shortened to 3 months. Then, I was told my contract would end, but after 4 months of work (due to a lack of business, not because of my performance).

During my 4th month of work, my mother-in-law booked a family vacation for the second month of July, thinking that I would be unemployed at that time. The week before my four months were up, I was asked to work for one more month. Now, it’s possible that I’ll be asked to work an additional month at the last minute again, but I have this week-long vacation already paid for next month. I have asked my bosses about the possibility of working next month, but they have not committed to anything.

Would it be appropriate to request this week off if I’m asked to stay on for another month? I’m hesitant to ask because I will have only been working for this company for five months by that time, and I’ve been advised to not ask for vacation time until I’ve been working for a year. (However, I am technically allotted 15 days of PTO per year.) I also have already asked for a day off here and there to attend interviews for other, more stable jobs. I don’t want to lose favor with my bosses because the job market in my field is absolutely terrible right now and obviously I’d like to avoid becoming unemployed. However, I had been told definitely that I wouldn’t be working for them at the time my mother-in-law made our vacation plans, so I feel like it could be fair to ask for this time off in light of that. What do you think?

You can absolutely say, “I’d love to work the additional month, but when I thought my contract would be ending on DATE, I booked a trip for one week in July. Would it be possible for me to take that week off while working the rest of the month?” No reasonable person is going to have an issue with that. They might tell you that they can’t approve the time (at which point you’d need to decide whether you want the trip or the extra month of work more), but they shouldn’t have a problem with you asking.

2. Can we do anything about our awful company?

I’m currently employed at a company that has a history of casuistic activities when it comes to their dealings with employees. I was recently copied on an email where a former employee was sent a request from our CEO, requesting they give back a necklace purchased for them earlier this year. The CEO was clearly careful not to use the word “gift” in the communication, though what would you really call a necklace being given to another person if not a gift? Similarly, we often have employees who after calling in sick will be requested to resign due to their “possible” health issues (our executive team wants to see employees in the office, even if they have a cold and may infect others). We have had eight employees come and go within the last six months — our total company is less than 40 employees. In addition, former employees who have left are often talked down about in passing by the senior members as people who “couldn’t cut it” or were “dead weight.” Besides this, employee bonuses are often reevaluated each month so that the company does not have to compensate for them; for example, a goal may be set to accomplish a certain amount of sales within a given month, yet midway through, if it looks like the target may be hit, a new higher goal will be set and the bonuses go unpaid.

Is there anything we employees can do besides quit?

No. Changing this type of thing has to come from the top.

Your company sucks and isn’t going to change. I’m sorry.

3. Coworkers aren’t happy that I’ve been promoted

I’ve recently been promoted at work. The position that I landed wasn’t posted, and no one else was given the opportunity to apply for it. I reached out to the department heads to inquire about any possible openings, set up a meeting with the department heads, gave a presentation, and a few days later was offered the position after one of the department heads resigned and there was an immediate opening.

I’m over the moon about it and can’t wait to start. However, my coworkers are pretty upset about it. I get it; they don’t know all the work I put in and think that this position was just “given” to me, but they are going out of their way to let me know just how upset they are about it. Is there a classy way to tell them to quit ruining this moment for me? I wrote a post for my blog about it…but I’m afraid to post it, because I’m worried about the backlash I might receive from anyone in the new position. How can I make my co-workers realize that I was not given this position…I worked crazy hard for it, while not burning any bridges?

Well, first, it doesn’t matter how much behind-the-scenes work you put in. Even if you didn’t, it would have been perfectly feasible for your managers to decide you had earned the position through your work and qualifications and offered it to without all those preliminaries. Your coworkers are out of line in complaining to you — and if you’re going to be supervising any of them, prepare now for how you’re going to make it clear that those types of comments aren’t okay. Otherwise, though, just be calm, pleasant, and professional: “I worked hard to get this promotion, and I’m excited that it’s being recognized.” That’s it — you don’t need to explain or defend yourself. But you also can’t demand that they “not ruin the moment for you” — that’s not really the point here.

And do not write a blog post about it. That’s passive-aggressive. (In fact, if you’re going to be managing people, eliminate all such tendencies now. You’ll need to be direct and straightforward, and not take things personally.)

4. My boss keeps missing our staff meetings

My boss hasn’t attended our last 7 staff meetings (now held about every 6 weeks, reduced in frequency from monthly) — she has something else arranged or is on holiday or whatever. I think this is very strange, not to mention rather rude given that she decided we should meet monthly, then less frequently, and she sets the dates (about 12 months in advance). Is it odd or is it just me?

I’m not sure; it depends on what the purpose of the meetings is. If it’s to update each other on what you’re working on so everyone’s in the loop, she may not need to be there, since she probably is in the loop already from her individual work with each of you. If it’s to do project planning or something like that, it’s possible she doesn’t need to be involved. That said, why not say something like, “Do you want us to continue having these meetings without you, or should we reschedule when you’re unable to attend?”

I’d be much more concerned about her repeatedly missing one-on-one check-ins with people; those tend to accomplish a lot more.

5. My boss keeps promising me things that he never delivers

I was hired in a continuous improvement type of role, as an engineer. When I got the job, I was so excited since it appeared to be my dream job. However, due to the poor economy, many of our raw material suppliers have cut off their supply to our company and I am not doing work I was hired for.

I have expressed to my boss that I am not utilizing my talents, and while he recognizes this, he says that business needs come first, which I completely understand. So here’s the problem. He has promised many things to me — training, conferences, etc. — that he never delivers on. I was to go to a conference this year, but instead he and his boss went. He told me they wanted to send me to training but there was no money in the budget for it. Lately, he involved me in an all-day meeting with another division for a project that would utilize my skills, I brought a lot to the table but I was not invited to subsequent meetings and now he says he can run the project himself.

I find him dangling a carrot in front of me constantly, only to renege on his offer, saying he will do the opportunity (training, run a project, etc.) himself. He tells me that I am a highly valued and respected employee, but I am getting tired of him saying things and not delivering on them. I recently came up with a cost-cutting idea that could save the company quite a bit of money. My boss turned around and told me what a great idea it was and “I gave the project to Bud.” I don’t feel as if I have the energy to have another heart-to-heart talk with him since I don’t want to come off as complaining, but does it seem to you like this guy has a hidden agenda or a tad bit of a narcissistic side?

I have no idea if he has a hidden agenda or a narcissistic side, but I do know that he’s sending you very clear signals that you’re not going to get what you’re asking for any time soon. Stop believing what he’s saying to you — believe what his actions are telling you. And his actions are saying that this stuff just isn’t going to happen. So knowing that, what do you want to do?

6. Employer hasn’t checked my references after saying they would

After a second interview, I was told a reference check would be conducted the following week. It’s been nearly two weeks and I have heard nothing. I asked around to my references and they confirmed that no one had contacted them. My previous employer has not been contacted either! Is it safe to assume that I did not get the job? I am a recent college graduate, so I am thinking that maybe they thought I was too young and just didn’t want to tell me. This entire process has left me feeling very frustrated and dejected.

Ugh, I’m sorry. The frustrating answer is that there’s no way to know what it means. It might mean that they chose a different candidate instead and haven’t bothered to tell you. Or it might mean that you’re still in the running but things are moving much slower than they anticipated (a decision-maker or reference-checker is out of town, or busy with higher priorities, or they need to rethink some aspect of the position before they move forward, or someone just quit and they’re dealing with that vacancy first, or whatever). There’s no way to know, unfortunately.

However, you can absolutely email your contact there and say that you remain very interested in the position and wonder if they can update you on their timeline. That may or may not get you a response, but there’s a decent chance that it will. Good luck!

7. Managing a teenage stepson

I don’t know if you’ll be horrified or pleased to hear this, but I wanted to tell you a story. I recently moved in with my beloved, who happens to be blessed with a 17-year-old son who is here summers and for a few weeks every winter. I have younger kids, who are girls, and have no idea really how to relate to a kid who I haven’t known long enough to be in a parental role. My fiance’s been trying to get his son to do yard work for the last 3 summers straight for at least a little bit each day, but I doubt he spent three hours out there in the last three years. The son is a good kid, but would prefer to watch Doctor Who reruns on Netflix 18 hours a day, if left to his own devices. I don’t blame him, I could probably do the same if I didn’t have to work and parent and live in a clean house. But anyway.

I realized that A: the kid needed to do something productive. B: Nagging never works on anyone. C: A managerial role was probably something he would respect, much more than a substitute parent. So I’m using your principles, and getting results. Each day, we cover the (attainable) goals for the day. I’m holding him accountable to them — he gets rewards (dollars, plus extra TV time) if they’re completed. He has well-known consequences (I change the wifi password) if they’re not. It’s only been three weeks, but after the first consequence, he started asking me for his goals for the day as soon as he’s up, gets his work completed, and is free to watch The Doctor and his hijinks for the rest of the day.

I don’t know if that means your next foray should be a parenting (or a step-parenting) manual, but it seems to be working really well, and I thought you might like to know. :)

Ha! I suspect that your success here has a lot to do with your own skills at presenting this plan to him.

Also, this is pretty funny, considering my roots as an obstinate teenager who could not be cajoled into doing chores.

It’s wee answer Wednesday — seven short answers to seven short questions. Here we go…

1. Should you let your boss be your landlord?

I am asking a question on behalf of a friend. Her lease at her apartment is about to be up, and her boss, aware of the situation, offered up his rental property for her. I was hoping you could give me/her some insight into the serious cons of such an arrangement. At this time, she is only seeing the pros (low rent, no background check, familiarity with her landlord). She’s always in a precarious financial situation and I’m afraid this set-up could come back to haunt her professionally if she defaults on rent. Any insight you could provide would be great.

Oh no — this is a terrible idea! Please try to talk her out of it. Does she really want to face her boss at work when she’s several months past due on rent or end up in a conflict with him when he won’t fix the air conditioning? Does she really want tension with him if she generates noise complaints from neighbors or ends up needing to be evicted? And if her finances are precarious, that’s all the more reason not to jeopardize her standing with her boss — she needs to stay on good terms at work and protect her income.

By the way, her boss is the one making the really big mistake — he’d be in an awkward position if she wasn’t paying. They’re both crazy to be considering this.

2. How to tell a receptionist she can’t wear a nose ring to work

I have had a wonderful front desk receptionist/medical biller for 6 years. She always goes out of her way and is extremely dedicated. Well, yesterday she came in with a nose ring. I don’t know how to handle it without hurting her feelings. She’s had a tough life. Please let me know how to get rid of the nose ring.

“Jane, we don’t allow facial piercings here, so unfortunately I have to ask you not to wear your nose ring to work.”

Add it to your dress code if you want something clearer to refer to in the future, but it’s perfectly legitimate to define “no facial piercings” as part of overall professional appearance, particularly for a customer-facing role like a receptionist. Just be straightforward.

3. Fox’s TV show “Does Someone Have to Go?”

Have you watched Fox’s show “Does Someone Have To Go?” What do you think of it/ the concept? I can’t imagine why a good manager/ owner with problems in the work force would want to air it all out in public — even if they get rid of the worst employee, the revelations (salary, personal issues, etc.) would cause more damage that is solved.

I’m purposely avoiding it, but from what I understand about the concept, it’s a reality show where a business is handed over to the employees to run and they decide whether to punish their coworkers with pay cuts, demotions, or firings. I’m pretty grossed out by the concept, since I’m not a big fan of putting people’s livelihoods on the line for entertainment (and it seems to completely miss the boat on what good management means and instead turns the workplaces into Lord of the Flies type debacles).

I assume the business owners who agree to go on to the show do so not for any business reason but rather because they’ve succumbed to the terrible American hunger for the spotlight.

4. Do I have to stop using my company-provided transit card if I buy a car?

For about a year, I have been provided with a transit card by the company I work for. I hope to, within the next few months, purchase a vehicle. In the event that I do get a car, I plan to continue to use public transit to get to work because it’s a relatively short commute. Would it be unethical for me to continue to use my company issued and paid for transit card or should I return it upon getting a car?

Not at all. Absent some statement to the contrary, assume that it’s a benefit your company is providing you to cut transportation costs and keep you from having to drive (and sometimes the reason is environmental as well; many companies have initiatives to encourage public transit use since it’s greener).

5. Can I ask my child’s teacher not to post online about him?

I have a number of Facebook friends who are teachers, and some of them will post “funny” or “cute” stories about their students as status updates (sometimes even wrong test answers that they find hilarious). I’m concerned that my chid’s teachers will be doing the same thing once he starts school. Even if they don’t mention him by name, I don’t love the idea that they might post something he says/does/writes online for all their friends go comment on.

I tried googling “teachers posting about students online,” hoping to find that school districts were developing social media policies tackling these issues, but didn’t find much. I do support teachers having the right to free speech like anyone else, but I also think I have to advocate for my child’s right to privacy since he’s too young to say, “Hey, I’d appreciate it if you could refrain from talking about me behind my back on the internet.” Is there any way for me to make this request without coming across as a fascist kill-joy?

I’m not sure this is a workplace question, but I’m going to answer it anyway: It’s perfectly reasonable to ask that your child’s name or photo not be posted, but it sounds like the types of posts you’re talking about don’t identify the particular student. So while you could certainly make the request, I think you’d be over-stepping and would end up coming across as one of those parents.

You could certainly ask his school administration what policies they have on that issue generally, but I think making this request specifically about your child isn’t likely to solve the problem and is likely to get you marked out as a pain. Anyone disagree?

6. How to tell a former coworker that I won’t recommend her for a job

I recently started a new job and ran into a former colleague in the ladies room. I made the mistake of mentioning that there may be an opening in my department — just as a point of conversation, not because I was trying to recruit her. Quite the contrary. She was a problem at our former company and she is really aggressive. If she should ask about the position (I had heard she was unhappy in her department), how do I decline tactfully? (I was telling her how much I liked this company, my boss, and my coworkers, and when I mentioned the open positon, she paused and she seemed to have that “Hmmm…” look like she was thinking more about it, so I want to be prepared in case she asks me to “sell” her to my boss. I would never recommend her.)

If she decides to apply and asks you to recommend her, you can certainly tell her that you’re not involved in the hiring process at all and she’d be better off just applying directly. Or, you can tell her that you’ll pass her resume along and do so — but with a note to your manager that while you’re passing her materials along at her request, you would not recommend her for the position. If your manager wants more information (which she almost certainly will, if the resume looks like a potential fit), she’ll ask you for it.

7. How to prepare for an interview without a specific job attached

I’ve been called back by a company that previously rejected me for a role (without telling me, but that’s another story). They’ve asked to set up an interview just to “have a chat” — they said that they don’t have a role on offer as such, but just wanted to see where I was at. I have no idea how to prepare for this interview, given that I don’t have a job description to work with, but it’s a bit more formal than a networking meeting (the interviewer is bringing along another manager she wants me to meet). I’ve had a look through the archives and I’ve read your book, and I was planning on bringing a few copies of my updated resume. Is there anything else I can do to prepare for this kind of interview?

I’d actually prepare very similarly to how you would for a regular interview, minus the job-specific parts. So spend some time thinking through the skills you have to offer, practicing talking about times you’ve used those skills and what you’ve accomplished, and so forth. If you have the name of the other manager you’re meeting with, figure out what she does in the organization, since that may give you some clues into what they’ll be interested in talking about. But mainly, go into it the way a consultant would go into a meeting with a potential client — thinking “this might lead to new business, and I’ll tell them about what I do and why I’m good at it, and hear what they’re looking for and what they have to offer.”