Ask a Manager

It’s tiny answer Tuesday — seven short answers to seven short questions. Here we go…

1. Sending work emails during a tragedy

(Sent on Monday.) I’m in Boston, but many of my colleagues work out of our Boston office. Can you think of a good way to handle work emails today? Our office was far away from the explosions, but that doesn’t mean that some people weren’t out there today, or that they don’t know someone there today.

I have a lot of business I need to address, and I don’t want to let it fall behind. That said, I also don’t want to come across as callous or insensitive, and I am genuinely concerned that people from my office (or somebody they love) might have been affected. Can you think of a good way to be empathetic but still professional? Or should I just wait until later to send these emails? For what it’s worth, everybody in the Boston office has probably left for the day and will not see any communication from me until tomorrow.

I think that’s entirely up to what you’re comfortable with. Different people respond differently in these situations. There’s nothing wrong with putting things on hold that can be put on hold, and there’s nothing wrong with continuing with your normal work, either. That said, if you can wait a day to send those emails, it’s probably a good way to go.

2. Employer requires internal interviews to be done on unpaid time

I work for a large (1,000-2,000 employees) nonprofit in Texas. At our department’s staff meeting recently, we were informed that all internal interviews were going to be off-the-clock as a cost savings measure.

While I understand that an interview with an external candidate would be unpaid (though it sure would be nice!), these positions are almost always filled internally. Of the 30 positions filled in the past five years, only two were by outside candidates. So, is it legal?

You know, I have no idea; I’ve never seen this addressed before. My hunch is that it is indeed legal, but that’s nothing more than a hunch. Of course, if you’re exempt, they can’t dock your pay (but they can make you use PTO for the time). It’s a pretty silly policy though — it’s a good way to make people feel nickel-and-dimed while not saving the organization very much money at all.

3. Should I suggest to my boss that she work out her differences with my coworker?

My boss (Jane) and coworker (John) have a terrible communication problem. They are both telling everybody, except each other, what the problem is. Since they haven’t talked, I sense a blow up coming. It is review time, and I have indications that this will be when Jane tells John everything she is unhappy with. Unfortunately at that point Jane will have already sent it to the big boss for approval which will make it very hard to take back. I know John has valid reasons for some of the actions that he will be graded harshly on but since they are both too proud to speak, John won’t get to discuss those reasons until its too late. They used to be coworkers, and Jane was recently promoted to now being John’s boss. We all keep hearing from Jane how John also applied for Jane’s job and that he might have hard feelings. They used to be friends.

Should I suggest to my boss that she and my coworker and a bottle of Reisling need to sit down together and talk before she does his review?

These are grown-ups and this has nothing to do with you (in fact, it’s hard to imagine something that has less to do with you), so you should stay out of it and leave them to resolve it on their own.

4. Employee wants to work from home while caring for a baby

I have an employee I supervise who is pregnant, and we are discussing her options for work after her child is born. Our company is very small, with only 6 employees (so FMLA doesn’t apply), and this is the first time we’ve had a pregnant employee. This will be her first child. One of the options is her working from home part or all of the time. I told her that we would expect her to still have childcare while she was working from home, and she’s being a bit resistant to this (probably because of the expense, not because she’s an unreasonable person or problem employee), and asked where I heard this was the norm. Do you have any links from additional sources I can point her to that shows this happens at other companies? I thought it was pretty obvious that you can’t do your job and look after a newborn and do both 100%, but since I am also not a mother, I can’t speak with authority on how difficult I believe trying to do that would be.

Also, I would appreciate any advice you/your readers have on balancing compassion/understanding for an employee who’s about to be a new mother with the fact that we are a really small company that will really feel the pinch of an employee being gone for awhile. Since FMLA doesn’t apply, we’re just trying to figure out what is most fair for everyone (including those of us who will have to pick up her work while she is gone), with regards to maternity leave (including length and pay), what happens when she returns, etc. I don’t think her and her husband can afford to not have her work at least part time, so her just leaving altogether isn’t a possibility.

I would be very, very worried that she thinks she can work from home without any child care for an infant. And you are absolutely right that most teleworking policies require that teleworking employees have separate arrangements for child care. You can find confirmation of this here or here, or in any of the numerous policies from the many companies and government agencies that post their teleworking policies online, like this, this, or this. (Search for “child” in all of these.)

As for figuring out her leave, I’d come up with a policy that will apply to all parental leaves going forward, not just hers. Paid maternity leave in the U.S. is unusual, although some companies do offer it. Generally employees use any accrued PTO they have, which they can supplement with short-term disability insurance (which you should have; if you don’t, now’s the time to get it), and take the rest unpaid. As for the length of her leave, regardless of pay, figure out what you can reasonably offer without undue hardship to the business or other staff.

5. Should I start job searching if a jerk is hired to replace my manager?

My boss recently left our team. She was fantastic. I’m learning more and more that good bosses are hard to come by and she really was a rare breed. Making the transition more difficult is knowing that of the final 2 candidates, one of them is a real jerk. This person would likely make my life at my current job (which I really like!) near hell. I’ve been at this place for 1.5 years after a really difficult 4 year stint at a job I hated. I interviewed for jobs for 3 years until I found this one finally. I like it, and I had intended to park myself here for a while. It’s a great organization with a ton to learn.

What can I expect from a new boss coming in to manage a team that’s already set in place? I’ve been warned that if this jerky person gets hired, I should not waste anytime and get the heck out of dodge. When do I know if I have to jump ship? I really did not want to be doing a job search yet. (By the way, I’m 30, 7 years of experience.)

Wait and see how things play out. Don’t make any decisions prematurely; if this person is hired, give her some time and see what happens. You might find that things are much more bearable than you thought, or you might not. But there’s no reason to leave until you know for sure that you want to.

6. Employers ask to schedule interviews and then never get back to me

I’ve been job-hunting for a while now, and on multiple occasions I’ve been contacted by a prospective employer I’d applied or sent an inquiry to, saying they liked my work/resume/etc., and would like to set up an interview/meeting/chat. If they don’t suggest a date or time and leave it to me, I try to respond back promptly and politely, generally saying something along the lines of: “Thank you for your reply, and I would be happy to meet with you. How does (I suggest a date and general time of day — usually 1-3 days away) work for you? Otherwise, I’ll be available any time (give them a time range, usually the whole next week or the remainder of the week) at your earliest convenience.”

Then all of a sudden, I never get a response. Even if I responded to them 5-10 minutes following their email to me. This has happened to me two or three times now, and I’m starting to really worry that it’s more than a string of bad luck. Am I going about this all wrong, coming off too demanding or aggressive? Could this even be a sign that a reference or past employer is giving me a bad reference? Or is this a problem on their end? Either way, I’m unsure what I should do in a situation like this — should I try to follow up again after a few days or a week, or just move on?

This is actually pretty normal, believe it or not. You’re either dealing with people who are horribly unorganized, or they’ve already booked their desired number of phone interviews for the position before you get back to them. Either way, it’s really rude, but it’s also really, really common.

You can certainly try following up after a couple of days, but then I’d move on.

7. Asking an interviewer to put in a good word for me for another job

I had a very successful couple interviews with a city government office for “Congressman Jim.” I was one of the final three candidates for the position (and the only one they were considering without a Master’s degree). The interviews were friendly and warm — we got along great! They didn’t wind up hiring anyone because their budget was downsized due to the sequestration, but they assured me they really liked me and hoped to be in touch when the budget is normalized. Now I see an almost identical position posted at another city government office, for “Assemblyman Steve.” Jim and Steve are close but not coworkers: Jim was a mentor to Steve, but now Jim works in national politics and Steve works very locally. Would it be appropriate to ask the director of Jim’s office, who managed the hiring process and interviewed me, to put in a good word for me at Steve’s office?

Yes. Normally I would say no, your interviewers don’t know you well enough to do that, but in this particular case, you built a great rapport with them and they want to keep in touch.

It’s mini answer Monday — seven short answers to seven short questions. Here we go…

1. Employer hired me under false pretenses

I recently accepted a one-year grant funded position at a university. The position requires a lot of irregular hours, travel, relationship building, and use of my personal network. I was told it was a one-year position because there was no guarantee the grant would be renewed.

When reading through the documents about the grant, I discovered that it actually ends in 2017. I inquired about this, and my manager, who turned red, said that after one year my position will be taken over by my current coworker — the one who actually applied for the grant. The grant she currently works under ends this year and thus she can secure employment by taking over the grant I was hired under — leaving me out of a job. I feel deceived. Everytime I do well on the job, this coworker looked jealous — well, now I understand why ! I certainly don’t feel like throwing all my resources into this program just to have it transferred to my coworker next year. Plus, how do I explain this to new employers? I can’t exactly say that the grant ends in a year because it doesn’t…

Wow. It would certainly be reasonable to go back to your manager and tell her that you’re disappointed that she wasn’t honest with you about the plans for the grant. What a horrible lack of integrity on her side.

But as for what to do tell prospective employers, you can simply say that it’s always been intended as a one-year position … since apparently it has been.

2. Is this line okay in a cover letter?

I’ve seen plenty of sample cover letters in which the author says, “I’m writing to apply for the position of __. I am confident that my training and experience in math, fast food, and child rearing will enable me to contribute significantly in this position.” To me, the second sentence offers a reason why anyone should read my cover letter and provides something of an outline of what is coming. However, at least one hiring person (in an academic context anyway) said that he does not like such statements. He will decide for himself if I would contribute to his department. Is this initial “sales” line good or bad?

Yep, I agree with your source — those sorts of lines are bad. They’re too much telling me that you’ll be good and not enough SHOWING me that you’ll be good. And plus, when I don’t know you or have any idea how reliable your self-assessments are, I put exactly zero weight on your belief that you’ll do well in the position, so it’s just a line taking up space, and doing so in a kind of cheesy, mildly annoying way.

3. Can I suggest I take on two jobs at my current company for more money?

I am salaried and work in customer service at a small company (15 people). My company just put out a job ad for a different department. They want to hire a part-timer who would work 10-20 hours a week. With a bit of shuffling of my daily routine, I could devote enough time to fill the needs of that position without taking away from my current duties. With the hourly pay they listed in the ad, they would be paying the part-timer somewhere around $10k per year. Would it be acceptable to set up a meeting with the owner (my manager) explaining that I would like to adopt the part-time job and would be willing to work early or late to finish the tasks for something like a $7k raise in salary?

If they want someone who will work up to 20 hours a week, they’re unlikely to think that you can do that on top of your current job without compromising one or both of the positions. In other words, you might be able to do both, but it’s unlikely that you, as one person, can do both jobs as well as two people would be able to.

You could potentially propose that you could do a smaller portion of what’s currently planned for the part-time job, plus an abbreviated portion of your current position, but you won’t look realistic if you suggest doing both as they’re currently envisioned.

4. Explaining why I’m leaving nonprofits

I would like your opinion about communicating a desire to leave the nonprofit sector. I began my career at what I thought were high-stress jobs and desperately wanted a low-key job. I have had that at a nonprofit now for more than three years, but the problem is “low key” means no one is motivated or held accountable! I have a tremendous amount of self-motivation and see that I need a work environment with slightly more competition and room for professional growth. I also am much better at managing my stress, so that would not be a problem for me anymore and I can focus on developing a career at one company.

Another factor is the cause I work on. It has become important to me, but I want to distance myself from it because it’s weighing on me more personally the longer I work here. I also cannot see myself making local nonprofits my career like the people I meet at conferences.

I know many people would love to work at a nonprofit, which makes me wonder how it looks to a hiring manager to see someone looking to leave a locally well-known nonprofit agency for a higher-stress job that is far less philanthropic. It was easy for me to say I wanted to “do good” and work at a nonprofit, but how do I say I want to do good as a donor or volunteer and not an employee anymore?

Well, first of all, not all nonprofits are low-key, so let’s not tar them all with that brush. You can absolutely find nonprofits that are fast-paced, rigorous, and hold people to a high bar. (Just like you can also find slow-paced, poorly managed organizations in any sector.)

Anyway, as far as how to explain this to future employers, it’s not like you built a career in nonprofits that you’re now leaving; you worked at one job in the sector. You’re unlikely to face demands about why you don’t want to do good anymore, but if you’re questioned about it, you can simply say, “I really enjoyed working at ABC, but I’m ready for something new, and the position with you excites me because ____.”

Just like you would if you were leaving any job in any sector. And you’re better off looking at it that way yourself too, rather than writing off the entire nonprofit sector on the basis of one bad organization.

5. Should I disclose freelance work to a new employer, and a new job to my freelance clients?

I’m a freelancer and am interviewing for full-time jobs. I have one or two freelance projects that I have to see through to the end, which will take 2-3 months. If I do take a full-time job, should I tell the employer about the projects I’m finishing up and/or the freelance client that I’m taking a full-time job? If yes, what should I say to either party?

There’s no need to tell the new employer that you’ll be spending the next few weeks finishing up freelance projects, unless they have a conflict of interest or other policy that would require you to disclose it. I would, however, let your clients know that you’re taking a full-time job so that they know that you won’t be available for further work after their current projects are wrapped up (and so they understand that you’ll have a new schedule for the remainder of these projects).

6. Finding jobs working from home

Abbreviated version of my story for you- I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis in 1996 when I was 24 years old. I had just graduated from college with a B.S. in Business Administration with a concentration in Marketing. I went through many rough years but am doing pretty good health wise now with one caveat — I can not drive.

I have been active in volunteer work, kept up to date on technology, got a certification in Religious Studies, and currently teach one night a week at a local parish. Here is my conundrum — I am bored. I have been working part-time jobs from home and close to my home for the past 6 years that are below my capabilities. Obviously I understand I am limited but it is hard to work at minimum wage jobs and I feel like I don’t have a “career.” I am currently expanding my knowledge in blogging, writing, looking for other at-home opportunities — anything I can do from home to supplement or replace what I am doing now . Have you any advice for work-at-homers/disabled to expand from the call center trap? I don’t want to seem unappreciative, I know I am lucky in my situation. There just seem to be other options!

In my experience, it’s hard to get legitimate work-from-home jobs unless you’ve already been working for the employer previously, but maybe that’s changing. I’ll throw this out to readers to see if anyone has good suggestions for you.

Read an update to this letter here.

7. I don’t think my new job is the right fit

What do you do if you are a few weeks into a new job and concerned that it may be a bad fit? Among the issues I’m concerned about are: (1) I seem to be spending way more time than I would like on a certain part of my job when I was told that my duties would be more spread-out, (2) commute is wearing heavily on me, and (3) company culture is not what I was hoping for.

Is it better to cut my losses now and leave (potentially omitting this job from my resume altogether)? Or should I stick it out and maybe move on a year if I’m still not happy? Does your answer change if I say that my last few jobs have had relatively short tenures due to family moves and companies going out of business?

It depends on (a) how miserable you are, and (b) how long it’s likely to take you to get another offer (which you hopefully know based on how long it took you to get this one). But yes, the fact that your last few jobs have been short-term is a point in favor of staying — but not for a year; you’d need to stay for a few years to counteract the perception of job-hopping. Which might be a deal-breaker in a job you already don’t like.

But jobs do often get better if you give them a chance.

It’s short answer Sunday — seven short answers to seven short questions. Here we go…

1. I told someone to get out of my spot during a break at work

During coffee breaks at work, my coworkers and I all sit in a conference room if no one is using it. We all have our certain places where we sit and have sat for years. And there are certain people that you don’t mess with and you don’t sit in their spot.

A person who has been working in our office for a year sat in my spot and I said, “That’s my spot” and the person said that they had seniority because they were older and not because they had worked there longer. The chair had wheels on it, so I wheeled the person over one space and put a new chair in my spot and sat down. Later, the person came to my cubicle and said that they were embarrassed and thought that what I did was really rude. So I apologized and they left.

Now I wonder how bad was this really? I didn’t think it was big deal at the time, but I have been obsessing all day about this and wondering if what I did was really out of line and horrible. Should I be expecting anything else in the form of reprimand? Should I talk to this person again or just let it go? Should I not go back to coffee or will that make a mountain out of a mole hill?

Yes, that was rude. But you apologized and you don’t need to stop going to coffee over it, and you probably don’t need to apologize a second time. But all of you should chill out about owning your spots, because, come on, really?

2. Can you mention that you’re excited about a job because it’s close to your house and family-friendly?

I applied for a position where the ad did not mention the name of the firm or location, so I was pleasantly surprised to find out it’s only 5 minutes drive away from my home — walking distance! I got an interview, and the manager emphasized how family-oriented they were and while they didn’t offer great benefits, they were flexible if you needed to leave early to bring kids to a doctor occasionally, etc. (they know I have kids as I mention it in my cover letter to explain a gap in my work history). In my thank-you note after the interview, I thanked them for the interview, mentioned a few business reasons why I think I would be great for the job, and then as a last sentence, how happy I would be to work for a family-oriented business that is so close to my home. My friend says I should not have mentioned it, as it sounds like I want the position for convenience… is she right? I would take the job even if it was further away, but the location is definitely a bonus.

Your friend is right. They want to hire someone who’s excited about the job for the job’s sake, not because of the commute or benefits. (And after all, what happens if they move to a different location?) In general, you want to stick to focusing on the job.

3. Listing achievements at unrelated positions on your resume

I have a question about listing older work positions I have held that do not contribute to the requirements of jobs I am presently applying for. Do I need to put bulleted accomplishments for those jobs or can I simply list the position and use the extra space for those positions that have much more relevant accomplishments? The positions I am applying for are early career level and I do not think it would benefit me to go beyond a one-page resume.

Focus on the jobs that are most relevant to the work you’re applying for. That doesn’t mean that other accomplishments aren’t relevant, though. If you can show a track record of achievement and getting things done, that’s always going to be a good thing, even if it’s in a different field.

4. Working more hours than I’ve been authorized to work

I just started working as temporary part-time job. I work 28 hours a week for four days a week. On my first day of work, I was told that I can’t have work more than 28 hours because then, they would have to do extra work in filing the needed papers to get paid. The bottom line is, it’s going to be more work for my supervisor, and she doesn’t want to deal with it.

In the two weeks that I have worked there, the amount of work that they want me to accomplish often exceeds 28 hours. So I tend to stay after hours to complete the tasks (it has happened about 3 days so far). I have been logging in my hours for all the hours I have worked, despite working over 28 hours. Seeing the upcoming projects as well as events that I am helping to manage, I will be staying a lot longer than 28 hours for the remaining time at this company. Moreover, I have had them contact me over the phone and email on the weekend and my day off to give me tasks. I want to do my job well, but I don’t want to compromise my time off to accomplish those tasks. How do I manage this situation? Should I only work during the time that I am paid for or do I work during my time to get those tasks done to show to my supervisors that I can do a good job?

First, stop working more than 28 hours/week, because you were explicitly told not to do that, so doing it anyway is a big deal. Second, talk to your manager and explain that the amount of work you’re being given would take more than 28 hours a week, and ask how she wants you to handle it. She may tell you to push certain projects back, or she may assign some work to someone else, or she may approve you to work more hours. But you cannot work more hours than you’ve been authorized without potentially getting into trouble when it’s caught. (And I can’t tell from your letter whether you’re reporting the hours or not; if you’re not, and you’re non-exempt, you could get the company into legal trouble because they’re legally required to pay you for all hours worked.)

5. Resigning when my boss is out on medical leave

My boss is on FMLA. He was out most of first quarter, came back for a couple weeks, and is out again. During this second leave, his surgery has been delayed, and now I realistically do not see him back until the end of Q2.

I have accepted an offer that starts in 6 weeks. Before the surgery delay, my plan had been to give my boss 2 weeks notice. I’ve seen him show people the door, but I haven’t seen anyone at my level resign. We’ve worked closely together, and it’s going to be a big surprise to him. I would say he’s been a mentor. I did not sign a non-compete, and I will be working for a privately held portion of the same company. My ongoing relationship is very important.

My new plan is to resign to the CEO, with more notice. I don’t think he’ll show me the door. But my question is how to break this news to my current boss? And when? I don’t want to stress him out during a medical procedure, but this will be a big shock. Also, I’m not staying local — I’m moving cross country, so I can’t just wait and tell him when he gets back.

You’re almost certainly overestimating the impact this is going to have on your boss. It’s very, very unlikely that this is going to cause him stress during his medical procedure. People leave jobs all the time; it’s normal. He might be disappointed, but he’ll get over it. Just call him and tell him, and offer to do whatever you can to make the transition easy (although obviously be sensitive to his situation and don’t call him on the day of his surgery or while he’s on heavy painkillers afterwards — just like you presumably wouldn’t call him about any other work thing on those days).

6. Relatives endorsing you on LinkedIn

I have over 300 LinkedIn contacts, and am actively engaged in a job search. A small percentage of my contacts are my relatives, including my parents. Every now and then, my mother or one of her many cousins will endorse me for some skill or another. Does this make me look as bad as I think it does? On a related note, sometimes colleagues endorse me for skills, in what I believe is an attempt to have me return the favor. However, I rarely feel comfortable returning the favor. Is it better to keep the peace and endorse someone I don’t believe in, or maintain some level of integrity?

Honestly, I don’t think anyone is paying much attention to LinkedIn endorsements, since they lack all credibility. Anyone can endorse you for anything, whether they know you and have worked with you or not. I wouldn’t spend your time endorsing people because it’s so worthless, but I wouldn’t worry about the source of your endorsements either. (For anyone unclear, we’re talking about skill endorsements here, not recommendations. Frankly, LinkedIn recommendations don’t carry a ton of weight either — as is true of any recommendation that the recommendee sees — but they’re not as ridiculous as skill endorsements.)

7. Applying for a job after starting to volunteer

I recently accepted a volunteer position at a company, but I have not actually started yet because of red tape. I am set to work in a department the company does not usually allow volunteers to work in, but the Volunteers Director obtained a special volunteer spot for me there because I have the qualifications that a typical employee there would have.

To be honest, I applied to be a volunteer because there were no openings for the job I am interested in at this company. However, the company recently posted a job listing for a position I have been coveting and has highly similar responsibilities as the volunteer position.

I am torn because with the job, I could be getting paid to do the same work I would be doing as an unpaid volunteer. But at the same time, I feel that if I apply for the job and get accepted, I would be making a really bad impression, not to mention betraying the director who made the special arrangements to get me into the department in the first place as a volunteer. Would it be considered “jumping ship” and inappropriate if I apply for the job instead of volunteering?

Go ahead and apply. If you’re the best person for the job, they’d almost certainly rather have you in that role than volunteering (for presumably far less hours and with less responsibility).

It’s short answer Saturday — seven short answers to seven short questions. Here we go…

1. Asking for a far-off start date

I have an interview coming up soon for a job that is a little over two hours away from where I currently live. The job site is in a popular beach location notorious for horrific traffic in the summer and there is no public transit on weekdays. So, I will have to move to take this job if offered.

I am anticipating they might ask me in the interview how quickly I could be ready to start and the truth is, the ideal time for me would probably be about 4-6 weeks from receiving the offer. This will give me time to find an affordable place to live, pack up my current place, and wrap up some volunteer work I am doing, as well as receive my tax refund to help pay the moving costs. However, if it’s going to make the difference between them hiring me or someone else, I *can* start earlier and just pay through the nose for a hotel until I find a cheap place. I can leave most of my belongings with a friend and live out of a suitcase. This would be a real hardship for me but one I’m willing to suffer if necessary.

What are your thoughts on how I should answer the question if asked, and whether 4-6 weeks is a reasonable time to ask them to wait in these circumstances? Also, is there an appropriate way to say, “hey, if you guys want to give me an advance of $1,000 or so I can start in 3 days!”

Say, “Because I’m moving, ideally I’d love to start 4-6 weeks from receiving an offer, but I do have some flexibility if you need someone more quickly than that. What kind of timeline are you hoping for?” I wouldn’t say that you can start within days if they give you an advance; most places do not do payroll advances for employees who haven’t even started working there yet (since you may not show up or work that full period).

2. Should I take a lower salary when changing fields?

I want to change careers from a science background to HR. I am currently in school for my Associates in Business Administration, but am chomping at the bit to get a job that will develop my business skills.

I have the opportunity to work for a staffing firm performing administrative tasks that really interest me and will add much needed experience to my resume. The problem is, the salary is much lower than my current salary. The wage is what the position is budgeted for; they didn’t drop the pay scale just because I’m a newbie to the industry. My question is: when changing careers, should I expect to take a lower salary because I’m essentially starting fresh? I’ve put many resumes out there with no bites, and I know it’s because I need some serious experience. My current position offers few transferable skills.

Yes, you should expect to take a lower salary when changing careers and starting at the bottom. They’re not going to significantly raise the pay range for a junior position just because you have experience in an unrelated field.

3. Addressing staff problems when you’re friends with your employees

I am a manager of a small satellite office of six employees. I know that as manager I should not be friends with my coworkers, but our office is so small it is unavoidable. Also, I personally like to work in a fun, irreverent office so I foster that kind of culture. Typically it works out really well. Everyone has fun and works well together. But occasionally I have encountered incidents where my coworkers have crossed the line with me. For example, they feel like they can be curt or rude to me when they’re angry, which is something I would never do to my manager, no matter how close we are. How would you recommend handling that kind of situation, when I am walking the line between being a manager and a friend?

Is there any way other than directly addressing the problem with the coworker, which in the past has not worked particularly well? For some reason, when I’ve actually addressed behavior, it seems to cement the resentment.

Well, you’re basically saying, “I don’t want to have an appropriate manager-managee relationship with my staff, except on some occasions when I want the benefits of it without the work.” If you blur the boundaries, it’s no surprise that your staff thinks the boundaries have been blurred. And I can’t really let you get away with saying that this is “unavoidable” because it’s not, and plenty of other managers in small offices do manage to avoid it.

In any case, if you’re addressing issues head-on and “it’s not worked particularly well,” then you need to be firmer in your approach and you need to set and enforce consequences. And if you have people acting resentfully toward you, you need to address that too. You’re their manager — you need to act like it. Every day, not just when there’s something you want to address. And honestly, this isn’t really optional or something you get to decide not to do just because you prefer to run things differently. Unless you’re the owner of this business, you have an obligation to act like a manager, because that’s the job you’re being paid to do.

4. Using a .edu email address when you didn’t graduate

I am no longer a college student, but my school still lets me forward my .edu mail to my own email account. Now, I did not graduate. Is it okay to use this .edu address for job search/business? Also, I have a habit of changing email addresses and forgetting my passwords/security Q&As. But I never forget my .edu login information. So, using this .edu address would be convenient. What do you think?

Sure, it’s fine to use a .edu address in job-searching, and there’s no reason that you can’t use it just because you didn’t graduate. But find a better way to track your other passwords.

5. Telling non-local employers I can only fly out once for interviews

I am in the process of relocating, and I have had several phone interviews and a couple of face-to-face interviews. I come to town once I have at least four interviews set up. My last trip, the guy who was to interview me couldn’t make it, but I did get to interview with the HR rep. Now they are asking me to come back in a month once I get settled (I was looking to move in a month). My problem is that I can’t move without a job and I can’t continue to fly back and forth at $250-$350 each trip. I feel like these companies are acting like I just drove from 15 minutes way. How do I convey to potential employers that I need to interview all at once and that coming back and forth is too costly? I am not working now due to a recent layoff so I’m available but it’s not cheap.

You can certainly say, “Would it be possible to meet with everyone I’d need to meet with on this trip since I’m flying in from out of town?” But it might simply not be possible. Employers have different stages of interviews, and they might not decide until after round 1 who they’d like to meet with in round 2. Plus, keep in mind that many employers don’t interview non-local candidates at all precisely because they don’t want to deal with this kind of inconvenience (hence the “call us once you’ve moved here”), so you’re not really in an optimal position if you want a long-distance job offer. It’s much, much easier to get a job when you’re already living in the location, unfortunately.

6. Mentioning client names in a cover letter or resume

Is it bad practice to mention the name of a client company in a cover letter or resume? For example, I used to work at a consulting group (Teapot Consulting, Inc.) that conducted research for client organizations in a specific sector. I worked on projects for Tiny Teapots, Teapot University, Teapots Unlimited, and Organic Teapots. Now I am applying for an in-house research role at Inflatable Teapots. Should I mention the names of the companies I did work for? Or would a more general statement about experience in the teapot industry — without mentioning company names — be more appropriate (while still highlighting my successes of course)?

How impressive will it be to mention them? If it will be impressive, and if it doesn’t violate any written or unofficial policy of your current employer, then yes, mention them. Otherwise, a more general statement is fine.

7. Explaining why I’m job-searching during a restructure

For the past three years, I’ve worked in a regional office for a nationally known not-for-profit organization. We have a new president who is conducting a reorganization of the company. He has already eliminated one department, and nobody feels their job is safe. Rumors are flying everywhere, and a lot of us are job hunting. There is no direct indication that my department is in jeopardy, but I don’t want to be caught unprepared. When interviewing for jobs, how can I best answer the question of why I’m looking to leave my current position?

“My organization recently brought in a new president who is doing a lot of restructuring, and it’s causing some upheaval.”

It’s fast answer Friday — seven short answers to seven short questions. Here we go…

1. Former boss is aggressively mining my contacts on LinkedIn

I have a former boss who recruited me for a job from my profile on LinkedIn. (I believe he found me through another employee’s contact list.) Since hiring me, he connected with 40 (!!!) people from my LinkedIn list, most of whom he would never need for his business. He reached out to many of my contacts for interviews with no intention of hiring them. He even offered friends of mine opportunities to report to me on my team — without asking me — many of who would not be qualified for the job.

I stayed with his company for 6 months before leaving (for a great new role). My now ex-manager is connecting with even more of my contacts at a rapid pace and has been checking my page almost daily (I assume to see where I am going). What should I do? Should I unlink with him? I am concerned that if I do so, he can still see my updates from all my contacts and I do not want him reaching out to them for information on me. I also don’t want him to do anything spiteful. Help!

This is weird. Why is he mining your contacts so aggressively? And why is he interviewing people he has no intention of hiring?

In any case, it’s completely fine to disconnect from him. You can’t stop him from reaching out to others for information about you, but does it really matter if he does?

2. How to follow up with a contact now that I’m job-searching

I’ll be finishing a master’s in August and have started job hunting now. I met an academic library dean last November who was interested enough in me to give me his business card and ask if I was able to relocate. I did the requisite email afterwards, and briefly exchanged a few messages, but now I haven’t spoken with him in a few months. How do I go about contacting him now that I’m actively looking? Can I just send him a resume? What do I say?

Email him, including your resume, and tell him that you’re now beginning a job search in earnest and that you’d love any advice he has, and would love to be considered if he has any openings coming up.

3. Should I tell my boss I have an interview?

I have been planning to leave my current position for quite some time. I work in admissions at a small school and, based on my level of responsibility, thought a month’s notice would be fair, but wanted to give six weeks in the interest of staying on good terms with my supervisor.

Today I was called out of the blue for a position I applied for quite some time ago. The job is by no means a sure thing, but I had a very positive conversation over the phone and am well qualified. It also means about a 30% raise for me. The catch? The interview is in a week, and the hiring manager told me over the phone that he could give me two weeks to start the job (that’s what he expects from his employees, after all), bringing the total to 2 weeks, 6 days if I tell my boss tomorrow. Should I tell my boss about the interview so that she is prepared for my eventual leave, even though I may not be hired?

No. First of all, it’s unlikely that you’d receive an offer the day you interview — hiring processes generally take some time. But secondly, and more importantly, generally people don’t give notice until they’re actually giving notice (i.e., leaving). Otherwise, you risk being pushed out before you’re ready to leave — bad under any circumstances, but especially bad when you don’t even have a job offer. (The only exception to this is if you have an unusually great relationship with your manager and she has a track record of welcoming long notice periods, even those with indefinite exit dates. Without both those things, this is not a risk you should take.)

4. Employer wants to talk to a client as a reference

I just got word that I am getting a job offer contingent on references from one former supervisor (totally expected and ok, I have 2 on my list of regular references) and one client. The client is throwing me for a bit of a loop–I have never heard of this as a requirement.

I have been working with most of my current clients for a long time and have great relationships with them, but I don’t want to use one of them as a reference for the same reasons I wouldn’t want to use my current manager as a reference. I’m having trouble coming up with a former client who would be able to serve as a competent reference for the work I do now. Any thoughts?

Be candid with the prospective employer: “I’m not comfortable asking a current client to serve as a reference for the same reason that I wouldn’t offer my current manager; my employer doesn’t know that I’m looking, and I don’t want to risk a client mentioning it.” However, do you have former clients who you could use, or a current client who you trust to be discreet?

5. Is it a bad idea to accept an offer without negotiating?

Is it ever a bad idea to accept the salary offered without negotiating? I am in the running for a position that listed on the job description a salary between $60k-$70k. This is quite a bit above my previous salary, which was closer to $54k, and with better benefits. Also, this position is in a different field than the one I was working in, although some of the general skills are transferable. So if I were offered somewhere in the low $60s, I would be pretty happy. Would it reflect badly upon me if I just took their first offer without negotiating, or should I be negotiating just to show that I can negotiate? How would I justify asking for more when they can find out that I used to make so much less, and I’m not bringing in any industry-specific knowledge?

You shouldn’t negotiate just to show that you can negotiate. But it’s reasonable to try to ask for more, because sometimes simply asking will get you more — why leave money lying on the table when you could have it by just uttering a couple of sentences?

It’s fine if you decide not to; it’s not going to reflect badly on you to simply accept their first offer. But unless they offer you the highest end of their posted range (or more), there’s no reason not to try to ask for more. You can always accept the first offer if they don’t go up. (But on the other hand, if you’d truly be thrilled with their offer, then do what you will.)

6. Can I quit my job without looking like a job hopper?

I’m 27 and finished my GRE at 23 while working full-time and writing a book. After grad school, I moved to a different state, where I worked in different jobs within the same company (got promoted) for about 4 years. After 4 years, I decided that I wanted more room for career growth, and moved to a giant — GIANT — city. The idea was to find a job in my field with room for growth where I could stay for several years.

I found a good job that I’ve been at now for about 4 months, but I hate living in the city where I am now. It’s miserable, to the point where if I’m away on the weekends, I literally cry at the thought of going back.

I work hard and I think I have some impressive accomplishments, but I feel like I can’t leave my job, because I’ll look like a job hopper and potential employers will ignore all the good stuff about me because of that. I really do want a job where I can stay a long time, but I’m miserable where I am. Do I stay here for risk of looking like a job hopper, or leave, and possibly have everyone think I’m a giant flight risk? And how do I tell my current boss I’m leaving because I hate the city? Do I acknowledge this issue in a cover letter for potential new jobs?

You’re not going to look like a job hopper just because of one short-term stay. Job hopping is about a pattern, and you don’t have a pattern.

Don’t talk about hating the city in your cover letter. Instead, briefly mention a reason why you’re moving back to the city you’ll be applying for jobs in and leave it at that.

7. Taking vacation before maternity leave

I’m stumped on the right thing to do here. I just found out that I am pregnant (YAY!), but I am equally in need of taking some vacation time this summer. I won’t be telling my boss until the beginning of June, and I will be out for 12 weeks starting early December. Would it be a bad decision to take the week vacation this summer, after the cat is out of the bag? Is it better to take the time before I fess up?

Take your vacation, and don’t worry about whether it’s before or after you’ve told your boss about your pregnancy. It’s far enough away from your maternity leave that it shouldn’t be an issue, and you’re entitled to to use the vacation time you’ve accrued.