Ask a Manager

It’s tiny answer Tuesday — seven short answers to seven short questions. Here we go…

1. What to wear for a Skype interview

I had my first Skype interview on Saturday. I got an email on Friday saying the position I applied for was a “hot” position and they wanted to know if I could interview on Saturday morning. I’d never done it before, but said yes. I set it up and did makeup and hair and put on a nice blouse (yoga pants on the bottom) and did the interview from my dining room table in a very quiet environment. The interviewer was in an office and in a suit. It went okay, but it was a bit awkward for me, mostly because it was my first time using Skype. Also, the job is in fundraising for a nonprofit (fairly casual unless dealing with donors in person, more casual than not). Are you expected to be in full-on interview attire for a last-minute Skype interview, especially on a Saturday morning? It felt like a test (more so than most interviews are), but maybe I am being paranoid.

Well, all interviews are tests, by definition — but yes, generally you should wear full-on interview attire for a Skype interview, regardless of when it takes place. Basically, if you agree to interview, you agree to the full interview enchilada, even if it’s on a Saturday morning, unless they tell you otherwise in advance.

Not wearing a suit jacket isn’t likely to be a deal-breaker though.

2. Employee calls out sick due to self-inflicted sickness

We have an employee who has a diagnosed chronic illness which is manageable by diet, lifestyle, and medication. However, the employee misses work being out sick to the point where they are being docked pay. The real issue is when the employee shares any “stories” from their weekend (and then missing half a day the following Monday for sickness), it is evident that they are making diet and lifestyle choices that are leading directly to them missing work, as well as not taking any medication (or improperly taking it) to alleviate the symptoms. I know it sounds harsh and no one doubts the existence of the illness, but it seems the real problem is the employee’s attitude towards their well-being. Any suggestions?

Stop judging her reasons for being out as either legitimate or self-inflicted. It’s irrelevant, and it’s not really your place to judge. Your employee’s attitude toward her own well-being isn’t your business. What you need to do instead is to focus on whether the employee is sufficiently reliable and at work enough of the time. She could have the most sympathetic reasons in the world or the least sympathetic, but ultimately the question is whether she’s there reliably or not.

Respond to is the overall picture — she’s there enough or she’s not; she’s reliable enough or she’s not — and don’t get hung up on the reasons.

3. Can my employer make me train a new employee?

I am a front desk representative at a hotel. I’ve been working here for about 7 months. I was told to start training a new front desk representative. I have no experience on training, and quite frankly, it’s stressful. Is it legal to get an employee to train new employees rather than a manager doing this? Or are we at least in the right to get some type of bonus from doing this?

It’s perfectly legal. Employers can assign employees any tasks they want, with the exception of work that’s government regulated, like performing surgery on someone or writing a prescription. And not only is it legal, it’s pretty common to be asked to train coworkers. You don’t typically get paid extra for it; it’s part of the job.

4. Manager sleeps on the job and gave me a bad review

I have been in the corporate world for 12 years — 5 with my current employer — and have always received solid, if not stellar, reviews. This past week, in my annual review, I was given a “partially meets” review and was stunned as it does not reflect the work I’ve done. My manager even said that as he was giving the review! HR has changed requirements so that everyone on a team can’t receive “meets” or “exceeds” even if they do. I understand that, but I am having a really hard time with this especially as I had been told all year what a good job I was doing.

Compounding the problem is the fact that my manager sleeps at his desk every single day! I am always answering the emails and phone calls I get when employees can’t reach him, in addition to my work. It’s a running joke on our team (his boss doesn’t know he does this) but it’s very hard for me to not be resentful of this review in light of the fact that he is literally asleep on the job. (No, he does not have a medical condition.) How do I act professionally and not let this review ruin my career? Right now I am angry, sad, etc. because I know I do good work. And do I report his sleeping to any higher-ups? I don’t want it to look like revenge for my review, but I also have been tired of it for a while and feel like this was the last straw.

You have a manager who sleeps on the job every day and an HR department that directs your manager to give you misleading feedback on your performance review. You’ve been there 5 years, more than enough time to put it before it’ll look like you left too quickly. Rather than trying to find a way to feel good about the situation, why don’t you look for a job somewhere better managed?

5. Where on your resume should you include references?

I graduated from college almost a year ago. My career advisor told me to keep my resume to one page (which I saw you also recommend to recent grads). She said I can put references on a second page, which I’ve done. Is that acceptable, or should the references be included on one page? If a second page with references is okay, can I submit the two together (they’re in the same document), or should I keep them as separate files?

Keep your references on a separate page from your resume. Your resume shouldn’t include references at all; they should be provided only when an employer specifically requests them. That’s partly because you want to know when your references are going to be contacted so you can give them a heads-up, and partly because it can look a little naive to send them along with your resume if they weren’t requested.

6. Company asked me for an interview but then never responded again

Almost exactly a month ago, I applied for a position and received an email back from the hiring manager expressing an interest in having me come into the office and meet her and the rest of her team for an interview. She emailed me on a Thursday afternoon, asking me for my availability for the following week. I politely and enthusiastically responded (without being obsequious) giving her a few dates and times I was available in the following week.

Then I never heard back from her. At all. Not a peep. I sent her a follow-up email about a week later, reiterating my interest in the position and giving her a few more potential dates/times in the week following. Nothing in response then, either.

WHAT GIVES?! Well, no, that’s a silly question that you’ve covered ad nauseam on your website: sometimes people are just unfathomably rude/sometimes people just get super busy/sometimes people are disorganized. Or any combination of, or all three. That said, I’m wondering if it wouldn’t be worthwhile to follow up one more time before officially writing this position (and company) off. If so, how do I word my email? I don’t want to come across as grovel-y and desperate, but I also don’t want to seem snotty or demanding, either (not matter how irritated I am about them vanishing without a word). What do you think?

Well, you’ve got nothing to lose by trying one more time, as long as you’re not going to be devastated if you once again don’t hear back. You could certainly say something like, “You reached out to me about interviewing for the X position on February X. I’d still love to talk with you if you’re still interviewing. I’m attaching my materials again for you reference, and hope to hear from you.”

7. Explaining why I’m leaving my job over pay

I have been with my company since 2009, starting out as HR assistant and subsequently promoted in 2011 to HR director. I knew at the time of my promotion that I was accepting a low-end salary for the position because I was still completing my degree and had only two years of HR experience (I later discovered through an archived company email that I was getting paid $10,000 less than the low end of the pay scale — that was depressing). Because of these shortfalls, I accepted the salary in 2011 and have since received two “exceptional” evaluations in the position with consistent good feedback from my boss. However, as I am coming across student loans and some other personal expenses that were not present a few years ago, I am barely making ends meet with my salary. Even though my pay did increase slightly with the completion of the degree, it does not even cover half the cost of my monthly student loans.

Aside from the pay issue, I am happy in my position, but I am beginning to apply to jobs in the hopes of a better financial future. Unfortunately, my company is experiencing tight budget constraints, so I am sure they could not match any reasonable offers out there. What should I say to potential employers during the interview when asked why I am leaving my current job? I do not want to come across as just looking for a fatter paycheck (it’s just necessary to pay the bills now!). I am not sure how to frame my reasoning for leaving that sounds positive to employers.

“My company is facing a difficult budget situation right now, so I want to explore other options.” Don’t get into any of the other details.

It’s mini answer Monday — seven short answers to seven short questions. Here we go…

1. Do I have to disclose my relationship with a student?

I recently started a new job at my alma mater, working in a business school (part of a large university) after having graduated 1 year ago and worked a first job elsewhere.

Before applying for the job (but after graduating), I was involved intimately with an undergrad student who started the program a couple years behind me and whom I originally met while I was still enrolled as an undergrad. I have continued to be involved with her since. I am now fully in my role working for the school, and the undergrad student and I are dating.

My role is in a business development capacity with graduate level programs, meaning I am not a professor, instructor, grader, or even working with the program in which she is enrolled. I am still involved in unofficial and informal capacities with undergrad aspects as an alumnus (coaching, mentorship, informal advice to those involved in the programs which I was involved in – this includes working with the student in question). I am curious if I have any obligations to report this relationship to HR or the union which represents me. Or even worse, if this could get me in trouble.

Normally I’d say to ask your manager or HR, but since you have a union, ask them. Universities are notoriously squicky about relationships with students. In your role, it may not be an issue, but given that you’re in a university setting, you’re far better off disclosing it up-front than being confronted about it later on.

2. Does this mean I didn’t get the job?

I went on an interview today, and I thought it went well. I got a business card at the end and felt very comfortable with the interviewer. However, when I asked what the timeline was for hiring, she mentioned that the interview process is going to take a while because she wanted to give all the great candidates a chance, but that she would be in contact with me. Does this mean I didn’t get the job?

Nope. It means that they have other candidates who they’re interviewing and it’s going to take a while. Take it at face value. Take all of it at face value — the feeling comfortable and getting the business card doesn’t mean anything either.

3. Are these application directions non-negotiable?

I generally send my resume as a PDF, because I’ve found that some computers and/or versions of Word tend to screw up my formatting. Generally, this isn’t a problem, but I found a job posting that I am very interested in, and they mention that they want a “Word resume.” From an HR perspective, would that be non-negotiable? Would this be one of those “applicant can’t follow directions” things, and should I rework my entire formatting to make sure that it works no matter what?

Yes. If they’re asking for it in Word, you give it to them in Word. Or you get discarded for not following directions.

4. Should I give my company feedback about their management?

For the last 4-5 years, I’ve received a .2% average raise (accounting for inflation). After benefits, I’m actually making less than I did in 2008. Last year I was written up for offering some constructive criticism of leadership’s vision and given no raise. I have tenaciously studied leadership for the last few years while accomplishing all my normal duties (and doing an awesome job at it). I’ve applied elsewhere, but the competition for leadership positions seems to be very high. I am not willing to risk my income to offer feedback that is perceived as unwarranted, unnecessary, and “won’t be tolerated.” I could write a lot more, but it is enough to say that the culture where I work is quite toxic and I honestly wish I could work to change this. Do I dare bring up more conflict or should I continue sticking my head in the sand?

They’ve made it very clear that they’re not interested in hearing it, and that they’re willing to penalize you for offering it. There’s no upside to going out on a limb on this (other than that it might feel good on principle, but it will feel less good if it jeopardizes your job).

For what it’s worth, studying leadership (by which I’m guessing you mean, at least in part, management) is no substitute for actually leading and managing, and in general companies aren’t thrilled to be told that they’re doing it wrong by people without experience running companies themselves. That’s in no way intended to defend your company’s actions, because it’s ridiculous to respond to feedback the way they did, but it’s worth factoring into the way you’re looking at this, overall.

5. Coworker is rude and dismissive when she reviews my work

I have a colleague who used to be my supervising manager and is no longer. Her role still dictates that she review my work and provide feedback, but I am now directly supervised by her supervisor (the president/owner of our small company).

When I present my work, ask questions, explain how I came to solutions,etc., she is often extremely disrespectful — texting or talking on her phone, yawning, looking at the clock, interrupting me and/or answering me as though my questions/comments/etc. were poorly conceived or downright stupid. After almost two years of this, I have lost confidence in my work, in my ability to articulate information and in my respectability as a professional and as a human. My supervisor’s solution is for me to “toughen up” and ignore her, but I’m not sure I can continue doing that. Should I try to have a conversation with her about how disrespectful and hurtful her actions are? Is there another possible solution?

Keep hurt feelings out of it. Instead, you could say, “I get the sense that you’re frustrated when we speak, especially when I ask questions. You often seem in a rush to end our meetings. Is there something you’d like me to be doing differently?”

She might tell you something you didn’t know (like “you take an hour with this stuff when I can only allot 15 minutes for it” or “you don’t seem to pay attention to feedback I gave you in the past, requiring me to repeat it again”), or she might be jolted into realizing she needs to behave differently. Or not — she might continue totally unchanged. She might just be a jerk.

The thing is, though, you don’t have any control over her; you only have control over how you respond to her. Do you really want to give random jerks the power to make you feel this horrible? That brings us back to your boss’s advice, which I think is meant to tell you that you’re taking her behavior way, way too personally. I know it’s unpleasant to deal with someone like this, but it’s about her, not you. Because someone professional and not-a-jerk wouldn’t treat you that way, no matter what you were doing to provoke it. Therefore, it’s not about you.

Sometimes we end up working with jerks; you’re giving this one too much power over how you feel about yourself.

6. When a company keeps interviewing but not hiring

What is happening when companies go all the way through first and second stage interviews but then change recruiters and start the process all over again? I have gone through the second stages and twice now there has been silence, then the job has been re-advertised with new recruiters (with no changes). I am then always the first to get a call for the role from the new recruiter as I have some fairly niche skills that are an exact match.

All second stage candidates are being rejected, so I am not losing out to someone with a better fit, and while racking my brains what I could have got so badly wrong, I just can’t see it — and due to the silence there is no feedback to go on. I know that some interviews do turn out just to be fishing expeditions, or the jobs get pulled, but that doesn’t feel like the case here.

Is it possible I am unknowingly doing something at the second stage that is so awful I am wiped off the map? I am not new to the interview process, and this is the first time I have come across this. It seems perversely picky, as the jobs remain unfilled, with all candidates rejected.

Sure, it’s possibly that you’re not interviewing well, but it’s also possible that the company simply doesn’t think any of the candidates that have been presented to them are quite what they’re looking for. Some positions are hard to fill for various reasons — either the job requires some tricky combination of skills, or they really care about culture fit and are going to be picky for that reason, or the manager is hard to work for and they’re looking for a personality match … or sometimes they’re just very picky. There’s no real benefit to speculating since you can’t know for sure. You’re better off just moving on.

7. Turning down a coworker

One of my colleagues asked me out on Facebook via a private message, and I avoided the question. What makes this problem worse is I secretly like another one of the coworkers! And I am not attracted to the one that has asked me out. The workplace is a very close family-like environment. My normal comeback is “sorry, I’m taken,” but on this occasion it won’t work, as I like the other guy. How do I let the one that has asked me out down without making it uncomfortable to return to work with him? And if I let the one I like know, what can I say to the one that has asked me out without making work become awkward?

First of all, “avoiding the question” is unkind. You need to straightforwardly say no to this guy. And”sorry, I’m taken” isn’t ever a good response because it implies that you’d be open to dating the person if you weren’t committed elsewhere. “No, thank you” is the response I’m looking for … following by “I’m sorry, but I’m not interested in dating you” if he persists.

But I’d reconsider whether you should be dating anyone you work with if it’s a “close, family-like environment,” because that will be uncomfortable if things don’t go well.

Ugh, it’s the dreadful Daylight Savings! How I despise it, with its end to winter and all that is cozy and wonderful.

In any case, it’s also short answer Sunday, and so we have seven short answers to seven short questions. Here we go…

1. When a company encourages applications without specific openings

What do you do when a company doesn’t advertise actual job openings on their website? They simply say “Think you’d be a good fit? Apply here!” and it opens a blank email for you. How do I apply to something I don’t even know exists?

You write a cover letter based around the type of work you do, and why you do it well. What type of opening would you want to see them have? That’s the one that you write your cover letter about.

2. Do I have to tell my manager the reason for my doctor’s appointment?

I have a . . . shall we say, “lady problem.” I assumed/hoped it was the kind of lady problem that could be resolved with an over-the-counter treatment, but since it hasn’t gone away and an at-home screening kit showed a potential issue, I may have to see a doctor to resolve it. Not sure yet, I’ll keep an eye on it over the weekend, but if the problem’s still there on Monday I’d like to see a doctor ASAP.

Of course, this isn’t something I want to tell my manager about, since my manager is a guy. Heck, my team lead is a woman and I don’t even think I want to tell her. But I’m afraid if I don’t disclose the reason they’ll think I’m up to something (or that I’m dealing with something much worse and possibly reprehensible), or that I was just faking. Is there a way I can remain vague without raising suspicions? Or should I just come out and tell my manager the reason?

There’s absolutely no need to tell your manager the reason! Person medical things are no one’s business. You can just say, “I have a medical thing that I need to deal with right away, so I need to leave early this afternoon for a doctor’s appointment.” Your manager isn’t going to think you’re “up to something” unless you have a pattern of last-minute absences or unless he’s bizarrely paranoid (in which case, you have bigger issues to deal with).

3. Unexpected reference call for a peer

I was called out of the blue by a recruiter asking me to give a reference for someone who I’ve worked with as a peer. We aren’t close, but we have done a few things socially in the past. The problem is, she was let go from my current company over a year ago for poor performance. I was not her supervisor or in any kind of position to comment on her work, so I really have no idea what she expects me to say as a reference. (And no, she did not give me any kind of a heads-up that she was using my name either!)

I feel somewhat indebted to her, however, because she referred me to my current position. We trained together for a job about three years ago. She seemed competent and intelligent and, as I said, we did go to a few social things together. But after the training we went to different departments and a year later she accepted a position at my current company. When my company had a position open, she thought of me and passed my résumé along to the hiring manager. About a month after I was hired, she was let go. I’m not even sure on the specifics because I was not working closely on her accounts, but I know it was performance related.

I pretty much told the recruiter that I was her peer, not in a position to comment on her work, but she was a reliable person and I did enjoy working with her. I did not mention that she was let go. What else could I have said in this situation? And how can I politely ask her not to use me as a reference in the future? I don’t want to damage the relationship or connection, but the situation made me very uncomfortable!

I think you handled it well. Saying that you were a peer and not in a position to evaluate her right is exactly the right thing to do.

Some people do put down references without alerting those people, and some people do use peer references (although they really shouldn’t — reference-checkers want to talk to managers, and when I see peers on a reference list without managers, it raises a red flag). But you can certainly steer her away from doing it again. Say something like this: “I don’t feel like I can give a useful reference, since we only worked together for a month and I wasn’t in a position to evaluate your work.”

4. Explaining why I don’t want a management job anymore

About a year ago, I was promoted to a supervisor role, which I have since realized is not a good fit for me. As a result, I’m looking to return to a senior analyst role, but I am finding a lot of resistance from prospective employers. In a recent interview for a position that was eerily similar to the position I had before becoming a supervisor, I told them I was looking to return to a role that allowed me to use my analytical skills and that I truly enjoyed that type of work more. But I could tell the hiring manager was worried I may up and leave, as there were no future opportunities in the department, and I think that is why I didn’t get the job, even though HR said my references were great. How can I make it clear in an interview that I have no management aspirations, at least not in the near future, without it sounding negative? Is there a good way to say you feel more comfortable as a worker bee rather than a supervisor?

You have to be straightforward about your reasons, and you have to be convincing. Interviewers are programmed to suspect that you’re just saying that because you need a job, so you need to be believable. Explain whatever it is that you prefer about non-management roles, and be persuasive. For instance, “The whole time I was managing, I was constantly thinking about how much I wanted to get back to an individual contributor level, which is where I’m more comfortable. I’m really excited about this job because ____, and I’d be thrilled to stay in a role like that for a long time.”

5. Correcting executives’ grammar when proofreading

I am a veteran administrative assistant with years of experience supporting executives at all organizational levels. The one thing they seem to have in common is a preference for using the reflexive pronoun “myself” when “me” would be correct (i.e., “Please feel free to contact Jane, Tim, or myself if you have further questions”). At times, with supervisors with whom I am particularly comfortable, I have made the edits and let them know that in similar cases that they should use “me” instead of “myself” (with a brief explanation of the grammar rule), and am generally ignored. Complicating the issue is that many people seem to think that “myself” is the correct pronoun, so when they see “me” used in memoranda and/or email, they assume it to be a mistake. This drives me bonkers. Is it worth trying to explain the rule to a superior while editing and revising documents and/or communications? Can you recommend a tactful (and perhaps more successful) way of framing the conversation, or would it be best to not die on the reflexive pronoun hill?

Stop trying to educate them. Make the correction when you’re proofreading something, but don’t bother with the explanation. Unless you think they’re going to change it back because they’ll think YOU’RE wrong, in which case I’d put a note in the margin, but you should be as un-schoolteacher as possible about it. Don’t deliver a lecture on the rule. Just say something like, “I know people think ‘myself’ is correct, but it’s actually ‘me’!” … and that’s only to ward off the likelihood of them thinking you’re mistaken and changing it back if you don’t explain.

But as for educating them in general? Not the hill to die on.

6. Help, I’ve been put on a PIP!

I work in a company and recently got a bad review from my manager. He mentioned that I will be put on a performance improvement plan (PIP), and also suggested that I find another position. This comes out of the blue, and he has been acting regularly or even nicely in the past few months.

He said this is the decision from both him and HR. When I talked to HR, the HR manger was reluctant to explain the policies and rules to me, and now I feel that everyone around me seems to know about it and act differently. I am actively looking for a job but I just need some time. What is my best strategy now?

Try as hard as you can to meet the terms of the PIP (it should spell out specifically what improvements you need to make), and if you’re unclear about its terms or how this works, you can ask HR to explain it to you again, and they should. But more importantly, be actively looking for another job — because often once you’re put on a PIP, the writing is on the wall and you’re likely to be let go at the end of it.

If you think that’s a foregone conclusion, you could also try saying to your boss, “I think it will take me X months to find a job. Would you be willing to give me that long?” Sometimes managers will agree to that because it’s emotionally easier than firing you (and often cheaper too, if it means the company isn’t paying severance and unemployment).

7. Closing early on Fridays

The president of our company often allows all salaried employees to leave early on Friday. This is normally announced by email at 1 pm or later.

Our normal ours are 7 – 4 or 8 – 5 (with an hour lunch). If it’s not announced till 4, this means some people do not get the free hour, while others get to go home early, although just by an hour.

Is this okay by law? Where some get the hour and some don’t? If an employee had previously posted 8 hours of PTO, should they get their 1 hour returned to them, or is all this based on the discretion of the company? The president of the company has that right to close shop early, right?

Yes, there’s nothing illegal about this. It’s true that the people who work the earlier schedule are missing out on the free hour on the days that the office closes early … but that’s how early closings work. They might look at part of the package that comes with choosing the earlier schedule.

And PTO is up to the company’s discretion, so they can make any rules they want on that. But really, this is an awful lot of clock-watching for exempt employees (assuming you’re exempt, which is sounds like). If people complain, their best bet is to appreciate that the company occasionally closes early, not resent it when they don’t benefit from it, and accept that sometimes they might have a day off scheduled that day and will miss out. They might miss out on a free lunch that day too, or doughnuts in the morning. This stuff happens.