what should I say to my boss when coworkers tattle on me?

A reader writes:

My supervisor has been calling me into her office and telling me about mistakes I’ve made that she found out about from my peers who work with me. They are minor mistakes and I take full responsibility for them, but what should I say to my supervisor about being “tattled” on?

“Thanks for bringing this to my attention. I’m going to do ___ to make sure that it doesn’t happen going forward.”

That’s it. There’s no reason to address the fact that your coworkers brought these mistakes to her attention — because that’s not relevant here, and it will make it look like you’re more concerned about that than about the fact that you’re making mistakes, and that would be misplaced.

The thing is, there’s really no such thing as “tattling” in the workplace. There are petty complaints about things that don’t affect anyone’s work (“Jane is three minutes late every day” or “Bob taps his foot all day long in the most annoying way”), and then there are comments about things that truly do affect the organization’s work. It’s not tattling to bring the latter to your manager’s attention.

Now, of course it’s generally better if people bring mistakes to your attention before escalating it to your manager, and it’s annoying if they didn’t. But sometimes they just don’t. Sometimes that’s because they’ve pointed out mistakes to you in the past and are now concerned there’s a pattern, or because the mistake was big enough that they thought the manager needed to know. Sometimes it’s because they’re not comfortable talking to you directly (either because you’re not especially approachable or because they’re just bad at those conversations). Sometimes it’s because they really just didn’t think it through and alerted the manager because that seemed like the logical choice to them. And yes, sometimes (not often, but sometimes) it’s because they’re jerks who want to get you in trouble.

It doesn’t really matter what the reason is, though — the fact is, you made mistakes, your manager spoke with you about them, and your best bet from here is to put your efforts into making sure you don’t continue to make them.

That said, you can certainly say to your coworkers, “Hey, Penelope let me know about mistakes X, Y, and Z. If you notice stuff like that in the future, feel free to give me a heads-up — I definitely want to fix it.” But you need to say this in a tone that doesn’t signal, “You’re a jerk for telling her.” It truly needs to sound sincere and kind — and if you can’t pull that off, you’re better off not saying anything, or you risk your boss hearing next that you horribly mishandled this situation by making people feel uncomfortable for sharing information with her.

But regardless, don’t take this up with your manager, or you’ll look like you value not being tattled on over the organization’s need to have work done well. And believe me, her priority is having working work done well — and that should be yours too.

should you disclose that you’re fat when you’re job-searching?

A reader writes:

I realize this may sound weird as I’m not in the U.S., but here goes. I’m fat. It’s a fact, it’s obvious, not that I won’t lose any weight, but heh, for now, I’ll make do with what I am.

In the meantime, I am looking for a job. The problem is I realized (too late, as I had a job back then!) that I’m more suited to either “dull” office work (that is, no phone) OR direct customer service. And that’s the part that I think causes an issue. I already missed out on an opportunity this year because all the women in the shop are always made up and look “better” than I do. In the past, I also got told at a job fair that they don’t do their uniforms “over a size 12” (the sneer back then was quite remarkable).

Now, obviously I won’t put “fat” as a characteristic on my resume, as it would probably look quite stupid there. But I was wondering if you or your lovely readers would have ideas as to how I could bring it up at some point if, for example, I get into an email or phone discussion with a hiring manager? Over the past few weeks, I’ve seen a few “luxury retail” positions open up, asking for fluent English… hence the fear of being inadequate despite having the required experience.

P.S. No worries about my self esteem. I usually laugh when I realize how big I am and the fact that I don’t “see” or “feel” it in my own body.

Don’t bring it up.

The people who are going to discriminate against you because of your weight will do so regardless — but they aren’t going to tell you that in response to an up-front disclosure, and you’ll likely just have an awkward conversation. The people who won’t discriminate against you because of your weight are going to be put off by your assumption that they would, and you’ll end up with another awkward conversation, plus probably  leave them feeling vaguely uncomfortable about you (not because of your weight, but because it’s such an odd thing to bring up in a hiring conversation). And you don’t want to make people who are considering hiring you feel uncomfortable.

I suppose there’s an argument to be made that you could do this in such a disarming, charming way that someone who would otherwise be biased against you would change their mind (particularly if their bias was of the softer, less conscious variety), but in general I think this is just something that you don’t raise in the hiring process — just like any other physical feature that shouldn’t affect your ability to do the job. I think your better bet is to demonstrate how awesome you’d be at the job, let anyone who won’t hire overweight people screen you out, and help the people without that bias to recognize that you’d be a good fit. Not everyone does have that bias, after all — and you don’t want to lose sight of that.

how to handle an out-of-town interview

If you’re invited to interview with an out-of-town company, you’ll need to do more interview preparation than if you were interviewing locally. Here are seven things to think about as you prepare for an out-of-town interview.

1. Ask ahead of time what the company will and won’t pay for, and how expenses will be covered. For instance, some employers will pay for a plane ticket and hotel room, but won’t cover meals or transportation while you’re in town, while others will pick up the bill for everything. You also want to know whether they’ll be paying some bills directly, or whether you’ll be expected to pay up-front and get reimbursed later.

2. Try to arrive early if you can. If you have to race from the airport straight to your interview, you risk arriving flustered and on-edge. Try to arrive early so that you get take your time and don’t feel rushed. In fact, if you can arrive the night before, that’s often easiest.

3. Keep any other plans for the trip flexible. If the employer is paying for your travel costs, you should be available when they want you to be. That means that if you make plans to see a friend who lives there for dinner and at the last minute the company invites you to dinner, you should cancel with your friend so you can accept the invitation. (Obviously, let your friend know in advance that this might happen.)

4. Bring two sets of interview clothes. Even if your interview is only scheduled for one day, there’s always a chance you’ll be asked to come back the next day to talk further or to meet with additional people. If you are, you’ll be glad you have another set of professional clothes to wear.

5. Be frugal in your expenses. If the employer is paying for the trip, don’t spend their money extravagantly. Fly coach, choose a mid-range hotel, don’t splurge on fancy meals, and don’t rack up room service and pay-per-view charges. Assume that the employer may review your expenses with an eye toward whether you were financially responsible for their resources or not.

6. Be in interview mode the whole time you’re in town. It’s entirely possible that the employer will hear about it you’re rude to the hotel staff or to the person they sent to pick you up from the airport, or if you drank too much and fell asleep in the hotel bar. Be on your best behavior the whole time you’re in town.

7. Explore the area. If you’re considering taking a job in this area, it’s important to make sure not only that the job is right for you, but that the area is too. If you have time to explore, don’t just hit the tourist destinations; try to get a feel for the neighborhoods, walk around downtown, hang out in a central location and people watch, and do other activities that will help you envision what it would be like to live there.

I originally published this at U.S. News & World Report.

tiny answer Tuesday — 7 short answers to 7 short questions

It’s tiny answer Tuesday — seven short answers to seven short questions. Here we go…

1. Fired and asked to train my replacement

I am in a situation at my current job where the owner has already hired my replacement. I’ve been there four months, but she brought me into her office the day after Christmas to let me know that “this isn’t working out” and had a replacement in by that afternoon! She posted my job behind my back twice, has generally micromanaged and disrespected me as an employee, and clearly has no qualms about letting someone go on a whim. I agreed to stay on for the time being to train my replacement, but I’m at the point now where I just want to make a clean break. I am planning to relocate out of state anyway in a few weeks, so my question is this — is it okay to simply leave this job now? This owner will literally push me out the door as soon as she feels that the new person can take over the role — why put myself through the stress of helping her out when I may end up on the street in a few days anyway?

Well, ethically, there’s no reason you shouldn’t leave right away. She’s the one who told you that you’re being fired; it’s not a resignation situation where the professional thing to do is to give notice. You’re allowed to exert some control over when your last day will be, and there’s nothing wrong with saying, “Given our conversation and since I’ve only been here four months, I think it makes sense for today to be my last day.”

However, why not try to get something for yourself in exchange for training the new person? Specifically, you could agree to train the new person in exchange for a couple of weeks of severance pay (more than that is unlikely after just four months of work) or guaranteed pay through a specific date. (Get this in writing if you agree to it though.)

2. Do some companies have too many job openings for their size?

Do some companies post too many job openings for their size? Just an example, back in September I applied to a new posting for a company and still haven’t heard back one way or another. My question doesn’t revolve around my own status, though — I’m over it and pressing on with more applications. However, this company’s website says it employs 1200 people, but there are 149 open listings (including the job to which I applied three months ago). I am guessing that a company of that size has too small of an HR department to effectively sift through so many applications. Or, they have filled these positions and haven’t closed them out on their site. I know every company differs, but I’m wondering if job seekers should even bother applying at companies that have months-old postings since that may be indicative of a slow-moving hiring process.

There’s really no way to know from the outside; I definitely wouldn’t assume that you shouldn’t apply for a job just because the opening has been posted for a long time. It could be that they’re hiring multiple people for that role, all with the same title, or that someone was hired but didn’t work out, or that the hiring was put on hold for a while but has now restarted. Or, yes, it could be that they’re inefficient — but there are so many alternate explanations and no way to know which it is from the outside that I’d avoid trying to read anything into it.

I also wouldn’t assume that they don’t have enough people involved in hiring to do it well — that’s another thing you can’t usually tell from the outside, at least not without more interaction with them.

3. Rejected but asked to interview for another position

I had a very interesting experience recently. One of the employers I interviewed with (a very large company) asked me to come in for an interview. My interview lasted about 4 hours. I was confident I did well. I was told I was one of the top candidates. A week later, they called me and told me they decided to go with anther candidate, but the HR representative said she would be more than willing to help me look elsewhere in the company. She suggested another position very similar to the one I interviewed for elsewhere in the company. The position she suggested was a more senior role. The hiring manager for the position i first interviewed for also went out of his way to act as a referral for the position the HR rep suggested.

I am very thankful to both of them for their help, but I am a little lost! Have you heard of similar scenario before? What should I expect? Is it a good sign? Why would they decide not to offer me a position but than assist me with another role within the company? I do not believe I was overqualified, so I ruled that out.

Yes, it’s a good sign. The fact that you didn’t get the initial position doesn’t mean “you suck and we’ll never hire you for anything.” It means “someone else was a better fit for this particular role, this particular time.” And in a market where most job openings attract tons of well-qualified candidates, that’s very common. So of course they might think that you’d be a good fit for something else, despite not getting the first position. Assume you can take them at their word — but also know that you might not get this second position either, and don’t assume that the HR rep and hiring manager’s involvement means that you have a leg up over other candidates; assume you’re a regular candidate like anyone else.

4. Should I remove volunteer work from my resume because it’s unrelated to the jobs I want?

I was laid off about 2 months ago, and the job hunt hasn’t been going so well. Part of my problem is that I have horrid interview anxiety. I previously thought my resume was pretty good, but something happened recently to make me doubt it. Someone I used to work with recently looked at my resume and told me that I should take off my volunteer experience in Haiti (I lived there for a year working in an orphanage) since the work I did doesn’t apply to the work I am looking for. Should I take it off and have a gaping year and a half hole in my work history?

No, absolutely not. If you were supposed to remove all experience unrelated to the job you were applying for, lots of people would have nearly blank resumes. Leave the work on — both because it prevents you from having a gap for that time period and because it’s interesting work that plenty of hiring managers would be interested in hearing about. And ignore this former coworker’s advice on job hunting.

And as for your interview anxiety, read my (free) interview prep guide — there’s a section on nerves that might help.

5. What should I think of this hiring timeline?

I had an interview two weeks ago. It seemed to go well and the interviewer told me that they were planning to make a decision before Christmas and that if I didn’t hear from him by the following Friday, I should email him. I sent a follow up “thank you” email after the interview, to which he responded saying that he was going to try to schedule some follow-up calls later that week, before Christmas. I was a little surprised that he mentioned that yet he didn’t actually ask to schedule a followup call/second interview with me.

Anyway, when I emailed him at the end of the week, he responded saying that they hadn’t made a firm decision yet and were hoping to decide soon. He also mentioned that they might be looking to fill two positions and that he would let me know about both.

I know it’s the holidays and deadlines may have been pushed back, but what do you make of this? I’m inclined to think that it’s a good sign that he’s keeping me in the loop and giving me updates and information about the hiring process. However, the fact that he never asked to schedule a second interview with me is a little disconcerting and on top of that it’s past Christmas, which is when he said they wanted to make a decision by.

There’s nothing too unusual about this — hiring processes often take longer than the people involved in hiring think that they will, so that’s normal. I wouldn’t read anything into the rest of it though — he might be keeping you in the loop simply because he’s polite and responsive, for instance. The best thing that you can do is mentally move on. When they have something to tell you, they’ll let you know. If you haven’t heard anything by mid-January, you can always check back in — but if they want to hire you, they’re not going to forget about you.

6. Will employers hold it against me that I couldn’t do internships in school?

I am an undergraduate in my penultimate year and I have recently begun to focus on my career after graduating. Your blog has been invaluable thus far, and my resume has improved considerably after taking your tips and advice into account.

I just have one quick question for you. I have noticed that most resume advice aimed at my age group places a lot of emphasis on volunteer work and work experience. Money has always been tight for me, so I have always had to seek out paid work rather than internships and volunteer positions. I have primarily taken on bar work, but did work for a software company last summer and hope to do something similar in a different area this summer. Unfortunately, my priority at the moment has to be earning enough to support me through my studies rather than taking on a job that might be relevant or otherwise beneficial to my future. Is this likely to count against me when applying for a job after I graduate?

With some employers, yes. In a crowded job market, employers have a lot of candidates to choose from, and so many are going to prefer the ones who already have some experience working in an office job. If there’s any way that you can do an internship or two before you graduate, it’ll probably put you in a stronger position once you’re job-searching. Of course, if you absolutely can’t, then you can’t — but I’d explore all options (including paid internship, jobs in campus offices, and very part-time volunteer work) before concluding it’s prohibitive.

7. Applying for a job in one location when you’d like to work in a different one

I’ve been kicking my job search into high gear in prep for the new year, and have been searching for new places to contact. I found one company with an entry-level position I think I could be good at, there’s just one issue. The company has two offices: a main office in Chicago, and a second office in eastern Tennessee they opened a year ago. The position is advertised for the Chicago office, but I live much closer to the Tennessee office and would prefer to stay in the area (for several reasons including family ties.) On one hand, I’m a little worried that if I send in my information and get their interest, then say I’d like to work for their other office, it might make me look a little presumptuous. On the other hand, part of me says “What have I got to lose?” and thinks if I apply, it’ll function a little like a cold-call and at least let them know I’m here, I’m available, and I’m interested. Should I even bother, and is there a way to tactfully mention this either in my cover letter or (fingers crossed) the interview?

I contacted the company through their Twitter and asked if they planned any openings in the Tennessee office, and all I got was a vague: “Can’t say! Keep checking back, you never know.”

You can certainly apply for the Chicago position and if you progress in the interview process, can ask if there’s any flexibility on location at that point. Don’t say, “I absolutely won’t work in Chicago,” because then, yes, it’ll look like you ignored their instructions and potentially wasted their time, but it’s fine to say that you’re open to working in Chicago but would love to stay in your current area if it’s possible. (But keep in mind that there are plenty of reasons why the position might be need to be based in one office rather than the other, reasons that you might not be able to perceive from the outside.)

where are they now: 3 more reader updates

Here are three more updates from readers who had their questions answered here in 2012. I think these are our final updates, unless any more trickle in.

1. The reader whose boss’s wife wanted to oversee her work

My situation had a happy ending, for me at least. Shortly after I wrote you, a position opened up and my boss recommended that I be considered for that position – a promotion from my current position. I started in my current position over the summer and now I am working with a great boss and enjoying my job. Notably, her spouse has not been involved in my work whatsoever.

I hired a replacement for my previous position and I warned her, while giving as little detail as possible, to tread lightly with her new boss’ wife.

2. The intern working with a self-appointed alpha intern

The rest of the summer with the alpha intern was essentially annoying but uneventful. She (and her cohort) continued sucking up to bosses wherever possible, and I mainly tried to keep my head down and impress with my work product. The project book system I mentioned allowed for opportunities to work under several different managers during our summer, and it seemed like that enabled interns over time to each individually find project bosses they worked well with that could also funnel them the types of projects they might otherwise compete for from the book — so ultimately I think the extent to which people saw through the other intern’s act varied. While there would be people there recommending me for a job if a permanent position came open, there would also likely be people recommending her. (And again, I can’t really speak to the quality of her work, only that she was frustratingly self-promoting, so I can’t necessarily say she hasn’t earned the recommendation, only that I’d prefer not to work with her again, given better options!)

In the grand scheme of things though, this was an internship that we all knew from the start was unlikely to lead directly to permanent employment because of the way hiring at this particular organization works, so the real key was leaving with practical experience. I took two depositions and led or assisted in four arbitrations while there, and I’m only provisionally licensed/haven’t passed the bar yet. In that regard, I think my tenure there was a success.

(Here’s hoping employers agree when I hit the looking-for-a-full-time-job market this summer!)

3. The reader who was afraid he was about to be offered a job that he wouldn’t be good at

I’d have to say the vote is still out on this one. I was in a position where I was pretty sure I was going to lose my job that I had for 10 years, and I was likely right. Basically, the company was sold and they eliminated about half the staff. I might have been able to stay on, but the culture of the company had changed to a point that I was ready to leave anyway.

So I took the job. I brought up my concerns when they offered the position and the hiring manager (who ended up not even being my direct manager) said that they thought I was very smart, and sometimes it was better to have someone they could teach as opposed to someone who thinks he knows everything. I spent the first couple months not really doing much, mainly because the client they brought me in to work with dragged its feet on signing the contract. Work has ramped up a bit, and it really hasn’t been anything that I’ve been unable to do, and I get a week to do things that take mere hours most of the time. So, between looking for more things to do and trying to learn, I find it hard to sit idly by.

I took the job because I get to work from home, which is great. I stay in my home office most of the day, but when I go to get a coffee or a sandwich, I get to see my one-year-old for a few minutes from time to time, which I love. I am also learning a lot, which will help me in the next position I get, whatever that is. When I took the job, I thought it was my dream job because I get to stay home, wear whatever I want, don’t sit in meetings all day, etc. That said, I can see there is more out there and am basically learning all I can so I can move on in my career in a few years. I thought this position would have me super-busy, but so far, that has not been the case. I no longer worry about the job I am doing, as I have received accolades from managers all the way to the top of the company regarding my work. I just think there is yet another step for me to take. I could see myself at this company for a few years, but at this point, I’m taking what they give me as a learning experience.

Thank you for answering my question and for all the commenters that said what they did. I’m glad I didn’t run, however, as some people mentioned. I needed to take something with my wife on unemployment at the time, and am glad for the security, though it is not necessarily the right fit.

employers that ask for references but never call them

A reader writes:

I have a question that’s more of a curiosity than a pressing concern, since I’m currently happily employed.

When I was searching for a job, I had two in-person interviews (each preceded by a phone interview) that seemed to go really well. Both teams of interviewers asked me for references, which I had brought along. In both instances, I contacted my references to give them a heads-up that they would probably receive a phone call — except they didn’t! Is it normal for people to ask for references and then not bother to call them? Do some hiring managers just do it as a perfunctory thing at the end of an interview?

I found it weird and sort of embarrassing to tell my references that they would get a call that never came. Is it a faux pas on their part or just an awkward-but-normal move? This was my first big job search after grad school so I wasn’t really sure what to expect (if only I’d had your site then!)

This is actually pretty common. It’s usually either because (a) they’re only going to call the references of the person they might an offer to but they haven’t yet decided who that will be, or (b) they suck at hiring. I’ll elaborate on both.

In the first category, employers nearly always only check references toward the very end of the hiring process — calling the references only of the person who they plan to make an offer to, or sometimes calling the references of their top two or three candidates, to help them make a decision. However, they’ll often ask for references earlier in the process, before they know which candidates they’ll actually want to check references on — so that once they’re ready to start reference checks, they already have the information that they need.

(In fact, some employers go so far as to ask for references with the initial application, which really annoys me — there’s no reason they need to collect that information from hundreds of people, when ultimately they’ll only need it for a few. They should wait until the interview stage, at least.)

In any case, it’s common to be asked for references once you make it to the interview stage so that they’re prepared if you do end up being a finalist.

And then there are the employers who just suck at hiring. These are the employers who ask for references because they know they’re supposed to but then end up not actually calling those references because (a) they’re lazy, (b) don’t realize how crucial it is to be thorough in something as important as selecting someone to hire, and/or (c) they don’t believe that reference-checking is that useful, generally because they’re doing it wrong. This last group is people who have done perfunctory reference checks that don’t ask particularly probing questions, and thus have come to believe that they don’t yield useful information. These are the people who say things like, “No one ever offers up references who will say bad things about them anyway” — which ignores that point that a good reference checking process isn’t about yes/no answers, but about nuance … and which also ignores the fact that employers can (and should) ask for other references if someone hasn’t offered up the ones the hiring manager is most interested in talking to (i.e., managers rather than peers, and especially managers from the most recent or most relevant positions).

As for whether you committed a faux paus in telling your references to expect a call that never came, absolutely not! This is really normal. You might want to phrase it in the future as “You might be getting a call from X about position Y,” rather than “you will be hearing from X in the coming days,” but either way, this is so common that you shouldn’t worry about it at all.

One thing that you should worry about: If you get a job offer from a company that you know never checked your references — and which doesn’t already have plenty of first-hand experience working with you. That’s a signal to you that this company might not have especially strong hiring — and hence management — practices, and that you should make sure you’ve really explored the culture and the manager and know that it’s a place you do want to work.

is it ever okay to quit a job without a new job lined up?

A reader writes:

Is it over ok to just quit your job but without another job lined up because your current job is seriously awful? Or is it ever okay to quit a job over a terrible commute? I’d give notice, but are these red flags for future employers that you will not be able to overcome?

As someone who’s currently in graduate school, I’m wondering if I can “get away” with quitting (in this economy) without another job or if I would find myself jobless forever.

Well, there are two issues you want to consider here: how long it will take you to find another job, and whether it’s going to be a red flag for employers in the future.

In general, I strongly urge people not to quit a job without another one lined up, because finding another one can take a long time — a lot longer than people expect it to. In this job market, it’s not that unusual for a job search to take a year or more. But that’s not the only problem; there’s also this: Even if your finances allow you to go without work for that long, simply being unemployed — especially for that amount of time — may make it harder to find your next job, because employers tend to prefer to hire people who are already employed.

As for whether it’s going to be a red flag for employers in the future, it probably will be for some. Rightly or wrongly, employers tend to assume that people don’t quit jobs without another lined up unless (a) they were about to be fired, (b) they actually were fired and are just saying that they quit, or (c) they’re potentially someone who walks when things are frustrating, which is worrisome because of course every job will be have frustrations at one point or another.

Now, of course hiring managers do know in theory that some jobs (or bosses) truly are so terrible that a reasonable person might quit with nothing else lined up. But it can be hard to tell from the outside if a situation truly rose to that level, or whether the person’s bar for frustration is low. Hence the red flag.

To be clear, it’s not a deal-breaker by any means — but it’s going to raise questions for some employers, and potentially make your job search harder.

That all said, because you’re in grad school, you might simply be able to say that you wanted to focus more on school for X period of time. (Of course, that only works if you’re not job-searching immediately after quitting.)

Overall, though, as long as you’re not being harassed or abused or asked to do anything illegal, unethical, or unsafe, you’re far better off job-searching while you’re still employed.

most popular posts of 2012

Ask a Manager’s traffic more than doubled again this year, with 3.4 million unique visitors, 5.4 million visits, and more than 8.8 million page views. Thanks for your part in that!

Here are the posts that interested people the most this year (not including open threads, and not including “ask the readers” posts, which I covered on Saturday).

Most commented-on posts of 2012:

10. Am I in a dead-end job?

9. My company has started an annoying initiative involving health and religion

8. Is it fair for an employer to refuse to hire smokers?

7. My former coworker wants my company to sponsor her party

6. My coworker is a registered sex offender

5. My manager told me to be less sarcastic at work, but I don’t want to

4. Could I work for a manager with a degree from an online school?

3. Employer won’t give me a fair chance to interview

2. When your boss leads a workplace dinner in prayer

1. My husband emailed my manager about our decision for me to resign

Most viewed posts of 2012: 

10.  What your interviewer says vs. what they mean

9. My husband emailed my manager about our decision for me to resign

8. How to reject job applicants when the position hasn’t been filled yet 

7. How not to reply to a rejection email 

6. When an interviewer asks “why shouldn’t we hire you?”

5. Asked to give feedback on my manager’s performance 

4. What to say when you negotiate salary

3. My job offer was revoked before I started — and after I quit my job

2. When a job application asks if your current employer can be contacted

1. How long should I wait for a company to contact me for an interview?

 

I’ve got your new year’s resolutions

Last year, I assigned my friends New Year’s resolutions (upon request, not just like a dictator). I assigned one friend to learn to bake her own bread, another to learn everything she could about plantains, and many others. Inexplicably, no one followed through on their resolutions.

So this year, I am assigning them to you instead.

1. Ask for time off and take it without guilt. If you’ve been putting off taking a vacation because there’s never a good time to get away, resolve to talk to your boss right after the new year to get some time off on the calendar. If there’s never a good time to get away, then you’ll never take a break – and that’s bad for your mental health and even bad for your employer, since rested and recharged employees do a better job.

2. Stop complaining about your job. It’s easy to get caught up in complaining about your work, your boss, or your coworkers, but constant complaining has a way making unhappiness worse. Instead, talk to people directly when you have a beef so that they have a chance to make things better. And if your job is really that unpleasant, focus on finding a new one instead of surrounding yourself in negativity.

3. Thank people. Has someone made your life at work easier, connected you with a helpful contact, or simply been a pleasant person to interact with this year? Tell them – and vow to keep thanking people into the new year. Even better, take the time to write out your thanks in a note or email and it will probably be treasured for a long time to come. Never under-estimate just how much people value being openly appreciated.

4. Stop texting in meetings. You might think that no one notices or that everyone does it, but if you’re constantly checking your phone or texting during meetings, you’re decreasing your engagement – and if it’s a small meeting, you might be insulting the people you’re meeting with, too. Resolve to start giving your colleagues the courtesy of your full attention (even if you have to leave your phone behind in order to do it).

5. Ask for a raise. If you’ve been doing a great job but haven’t had a raise in a year or more, resolve to ask your boss for a salary review. People often shy away from asking for raises in a tight economy, but if your value to the company has increased, it’s perfectly reasonable to ask for that to be reflected in your salary.

6. Get involved with a professional society. Find a professional society in your field and get involved with its work. By joining committees or attending meetings, you’ll expand your network, raise your visibility, and often get additional accomplishments for your resume.

7. Break a bad habit. Whether it’s interrupting people, getting defensive when you receive feedback, or resisting change, vow to overcome it in 2013. Bad habits can start to feel like they’re simply part of who you are, but they’re all things that we can change – and you’ll often see it pay off in your career and even in your general quality of life if you do.

8. Throw out your resume and write a new one focusing on achievements, not just job duties. Most people’s resumes are bland and uninspiring, so vow to make yours an achievement-focused document that will truly wow a hiring manager. And do this even if you’re not job-searching, so that it’s ready whenever you are – or if a great opportunity falls unexpectedly in your lap.

9. Ask for feedback. If you wait for your boss to give you feedback on what you do well and where you could do better, you might be waiting a long time. Lots of managers aren’t skilled at offering feedback on their own but will respond well to specific questions like, “What do you think I’m best at, and where could I focus on improving?” And even if you don’t much like your boss, asking the question might get you some interesting insights.

10. Take control of your career. Unhappy with your job? Start actively working to find a new one. Want to change fields? Figure out what it’s going to take and start down that path. Unsure what you want to do? Come up with a plan to figure it out. Whatever the obstacle is between you and being happy with your work life, make 2013 the year that you stop being passively unhappy about it and start taking active steps to changing it.

I originally published this at U.S. News & World Report.

do you have to share reward money with your employer?

A reader writes:

A friend of mine has been taking certification courses for the last number of months. He just found out he won $1000 for having the highest marks in his class. His employer (a small, 10-person company) has been paying for the courses, but my friend attends the classes and studies on his own time (evenings and weekends).

His question is: who gets the money? Is it his, since it’s his own time and diligence in getting such a high mark, or should he give some (or all) of it to his employer?

I think it’s a pretty big achievement even without the monetary reward, but of course it would be nice to have the money!

He should keep it — he earned it.

I’m not going to promise you that there’s not some crazy employer out there who would demand to have the money handed over to them, in whole or in part, because I’m sure there is. But if we’re talking about how this should work, and how it would work with reasonable employers, your friend should keep the money and have no qualms about it.

His employer is paying for him to attend the courses because it benefits them in some way — it’s a retention strategy and/or they think he’ll gain skills that will benefit them. What he owes to them is to take the courses seriously, attend class, study (which it sounds like he’s clearly done), and abide by the terms of any agreement he has with them about how long he’ll stay at the company once the program is over. But he doesn’t owe them a reward that was given to him specifically for the work that he did in the course. That should be all his.

An employer who would ask for a reward like this to be handed over to them would be one petty employer.

Anyone want to disagree?