Ask a Manager

Six more updates from readers who had their questions answered here this year:

1. The manager whose former employee was throwing a party to vilify the company during layoffs

I didn’t say anything to our staff about the party or try to figure out who did or didn’t go. But since we have pretty close group with an active grapevine, I did wind up hearing that there were people who didn’t read the invitation as quite so mean-spirited or damaging, and chose to go. Sadly, it seems like it did turn out to be a pretty negative gathering in spirit, but since nobody showed up at work on Monday seeming like they’d been soured on their jobs or the company over the weekend, I didn’t worry too much about it. My group continued to be in pretty good spirits (or, as good as they realistically can be during a big restructuring) through people’s last days and the weeks that have followed.

Happily, many of the people who reported to me whose jobs were affected in the reorg have found new positions which are upward moves for them, or are considering going back to school. So, on the whole, things seem to have worked out OK.

2. The reader spending hours every week sitting in useless meetings

First of all, thanks again for your advice about how to handle this situation. I’m glad to report that things have gotten somewhat better. There are still too many meetings, and the meetings we have are still much longer than they need to be (IMHO), but I’ve accepted that this is a part of the culture here and is unlikely to change. My manager has also been more supportive of my efforts to prioritize my time. If I let her know that I’m going through an especially busy period, she will almost always excuse me from any upcoming meetings as long as I send my contributions to my co-workers in advance. I’ve started excusing myself from meetings once they get to the point where my co-workers start talking about their fantasy football leagues and sharing pictures of their grandkids, too. It’s not a perfect situation, but since I’m otherwise very happy with this job, I’ll suck it up and make the best of it. Thanks again!

3. The reader frustrated over changes to her company’s benefits package (#2 at the link)

I spoke to the GM today with the wording you advised. Turns out she was surprised and apologetic about how we were handed the packages (by a branch manager). She admitted they were not ‘all good changes’ and they should never have been verbally presented to us in this way by the branch manager. As you can guess, nothing will change with the final outcome but she did seem genuinely apologetic that the changes weren’t communicated better and more personally as had been advised. She said she should have done it herself with me as I’m her direct report (unlike most others in this office) and that was her fault. At the end of the day I’m still out of pocket but that’s business and I understand. Now to build a business case for my salary review!

4. The reader training a replacement who wouldn’t pay attention to her

Sadly, my story has a rather unfortunate ending. I did the best I could in the time I had with my replacement, but she remained disinterested in learning processes — only about how to change them. I did end up letting my former boss know about the issues I saw with her, and he seemed to understand, and on my last day, I wished both him and my replacement the best of luck, and left my new email address in case anything came up.

About two months later, I emailed my boss to ask him for a letter of recommendation for an entirely unrelated purpose (academic), only to be met with the response that, “Given things about my work performance that have come to light since my departure,” he could no longer recommend me for anything, job-related or otherwise. I followed up to ask what specifically he was referring to, but never received an answer. I had nothing but positive performance evaluations during my entire time there, never used work email for anything non-work related, always had my work done on time, so I was, of course, curious about what could possibly have “come to light,” but my former boss never responded to my request for a follow up.

This month, I attended the company holiday party as a guest (my boyfriend still works there) and, while there, I started chatting with my closest former coworker, the girl who I used to work across the aisle from (and who still sits outside my former boss’s office). During our conversation (and ENTIRELY without me asking, because I was determined to stay professional), she informed me that anytime my former boss asks why something my replacement gives him is screwed up in some way, she places the blame on me for never showing her how to do it, showing her the wrong way, etc. She said that she always wants to speak up about it, but doesn’t know how. I told her not to worry about it, and that I’m sure that my replacement will eventually figure things out – and left it at that.

Obviously, without his response to my inquiry, I have no way of knowing for sure what’s caused my former boss, after two and a half years of excellent work performance reviews and no issues with management, to suddenly about-face on me, but I can assume based on what I’ve been told that it’s because my replacement is throwing me under the bus. I’m not terribly concerned – I have plenty of people at that company who have offered references should I need them, but it’s disheartening to have someone whom I respected and admired suddenly decide I’m not worthy of his recommendation.

5. The reader whose manager refused to tell anyone when she’d be on vacation

They implemented a calendar that would reflect a listing of who is out of the office on specific days. Unfortunately, it only updates automatically for vacation days submitted through HR. If it’s a travel situation or partial day off, we never find out til we try to contact her and I think I’m the only one actually updating it manual like we’re supposed to.

She’s still super defensive about being questioned and recently made a coworker cry when the employee asked for help. She even went so far as to tell a peer of that coworker that she was just too emotional and she needed to get over it.

Yeah, not a good example of management that works, I can tell you that. At this point, most of us try to avoid her and deal with things within our own group. The less interaction with the boss, the better. It shouldn’t be that way but she’s got tenure so she’s not going anywhere.

6. The reader anxious about leaving her bad job for a better one

I later found out from my friend who worked at the company that they had already begun to process my new-hire paperwork, when an internal canditate jumped up and said she wanted the job.  I was initially bummed, but after talking more to my friend, realized that there was a lot of drama there that didn’t sound too fun. 
 
Nothing much has changed about my job, but a lot has changed about myself.  My boss was sympathetic to how hard the cuts in hours are to the staff, and decided to keep us on full-time this winter, so that was good.  I used my downtime to enhance my skills with some programs, create some pretty impressive reports and tools, work on streamlining our workflow to save us some money, and assist my coworker in a (so-far) successful marketing campaign. 

I did some soul searching and decided that I want to try to stay in my same industry, if possible, so I’ve been more selective about where I am applying.  I’ve been quietly networking with trusted contacts and working at improving my resume and trying to just be awesome at my job.  I took a break from applying for jobs for a while, and just started looking again. I haven’t yet gotten an interview yet, but overall things are really looking up! 

Four more updates from readers who had their questions answered here in the last year:

1. The reader wondering if it’s okay to always leave work right at 5 p.m.

A little bit after I submitted my inquiry, I accepted a position with a public relations firm. I was very clear during the interview process that I did not want to travel frequently and asked an excessive amount of questions about office culture and the flow of a typical day. I met with several different people over the course of three separate interviews and felt all of the answers I received were genuine. When my company made me an offer, I felt great about signing on the dotted line. I truly believed they cared about their employees and would be flexible with family situations. Turns out, I was right.

My toddler is nearing two-years-old and tends to wake-up early. As such, I get going even earlier! I’m ready to walk out the door before Baby is even awake – that way, I can focus on starting her day together as soon as she gets out of bed. I typically handle drop-off and am able to scoot into the office well before anyone else. By 4:15 p.m., I have put in a full day and either head home to start dinner or go to pick-up Baby, depending on the day.

My direct supervisor is a mother of two – one of her sons being very close to my daughter’s age. She, too, juggles drops offs and pick-ups and school functions and sick days. We completely understand each other, which has made for an incredible working relationship. She simply trusts that I am managing my workload. If, for whatever reason, I am running a little behind one day, I’m not necessarily expected to stay late – so long as everything pressing is addressed.

There have been instances where we’ve needed to adjust. The two weeks leading up to Christmas were especially hectic. My husband stepped in and did most of the drop offs so that I could get to work even earlier. I found myself taking my computer home each night and working late from bed using our VPN.

Most people in my office work your typical 8:30-5 schedule, but no one seems to mind that I come in early and leave early. In fact, the feedback I get from most colleagues is that they have no idea “how I do it”. I tend to take on quite a bit at work, because I am hungry for the next step. Some days it is a lot to juggle – a career, a husband, a toddler, two dogs and myself – and I definitely couldn’t do it as well if I didn’t have a flexible work schedule! I am lucky to have found such an AMAZING company. Their respect for my life balance makes me want to work even harder for them.

2. The reader whose office insisted they refer to higher-ups as Mr. or Ms.

Thanks very much for answering my question earlier this year. As you and many of the commenters correctly inferred, the new policy was both an indication of my department’s changing culture and something I couldn’t change. I think you put it best when you said that having registered my objection, it was either time to leave or to “suck it up and deal.” So that became my mantra. I still find it annoying and silly, but I like my bosses and I’m getting good experience, so I’ve chosen to play along so far. I will say that I’ve avoided calling the higher ups by name since the policy was announced — not in an over-the-top, “I’m making a point” kind of way, but more in the way that some people avoid calling their mothers-in-law by any name because nothing feels right. This policy just doesn’t feel right to me. I have recently begun looking for a new job. The policy was a bellwether for other things I don’t love about the culture of the organization and the priorities of its leadership.

3. The reader interviewing with a speech impediment

I got a job that I was interviewing for around the same time that I wrote to you back in March. During my interview I didn’t stutter and I think I got the job because of my willingness to work hard, and that I took time to research the company and the industry. I am thriving and while I do at times stutter at work, I don’t think people take it as a negative thing.

I took speech lessons in the spring to learn different techniques such as slowing down and continuous flowing speech (ie what a lot of news reporters are taught actually). I have also learned that when I do get stressed out to take a few minutes to destress, which helps with my speech. From reading the comments, I looked into toast masters in my area, but due to my work hours I wouldn’t be able to make it!

For people who do have a speech issue, don’t let this get in your way, because we are just as capable of doing the job as anyone else!

I just want to thank you for your wonderful blog. To this day I read it religiously!

4. The reader required to donate money for gifts to the boss (#4 at the link)

I wanted to give you an update on my situation in which my office manager annually collects money from employees for Christmas gifts for the physicians.

An assistant manager sent out the interoffice message on a Monday stating “it’s that time of year again” and went on to say the amount required from each employee was $70, and she wanted the money given to her no later than Wednesday because the office Christmas party was on Saturday night. I immediately responded, only to her – not all recipients, that “I cannot contribute this year.”

About 30 minutes passed before I got a reply that contributing “is not an option” according to the office manager, and “maybe you should talk to her.” I ignored this and was never confronted about it. I heard through the grapevine that another employee, who is quite new, was flabbergasted and also declined to participate and was told in a separate e-mail that the contribution is mandatory. I do not know if the employee handed over the money, but I can only assume she did.

I started taking some paid time off a week ago and do not know what awaits me when I return. I am trying to clear my head and decide if I even want a future with this company. The Christmas collection is just one of the MANY backward requirements of this workplace and after several years, I do not know if I have it in me to continue. With the help of your Web site, I have come to understand that if the manager refuses to manage (what she does manage she does poorly) things will not change.

Me again. Any chance you could bring this to the attention of the physicians and let them know that it’s making you and others uncomfortable? It’s possible that they don’t know what’s being done on their behalf and that they’d be outraged to know.

Here are five more “where are they now” updates from readers who had their questions answered here this year.

1. The reader asking how to tell a new coworker that she was over-sharing

Everything has worked out really well. The gal is still with our company. My boss had a informal meeting with her about the culture of our company which seemed to address the issues. (i.e what is acceptable to discuss in the more public areas of the office building, what is just plain too much information, etc). The employee took it well and toned the oversharing down.

She and I have a very good work relationship. Every once in a while, I still have to say something like “I don’t need to know that” or “That’s a little too much.”

2. The reader who wondered if her manager was taking advantage of their friendship

Your feedback as well as the comments were extremely helpful, if just to give me some perspective. I was glad that there seemed to be some different consensus in the comments.

Overall, to be honest, the problem was resolved but it sort of fixed itself rather than having anything to do with what I did. Basically, I was still having issues with my supervisor, who I was also friendly with, but as I had mentioned earlier, we were understaffed and therefore they ended up hiring a new manager to supervise me, so I no longer worked directly with my old supervisor, and we get along fantastically again!

I do admit that while my new manager does have similar, albeit smaller requests (e.g. specific formatting) than my old supervisor had, I am less resistant to it. I think it was the way my old supervisor handled it — it was literally just probably the way he tended to ask it, and that he never really explained it except to say “it was how he wanted it,” which was difficult for me, because I needed to understand why I was for example, formatting a presentation a certain way. Often times, I would end up working on a document for a long time and it ended up being unused or glanced over, which I suppose was also a reason why I was slightly irritated by having to format it exactly so since it made no difference if I did it my way or his. I’d understand if it was going to clients or being presented but it was literally for his eyes only, which is why I guess I had to accept that maybe those were his expectations, something I probably would have had a problem with if I continued working with him.

As for the second issue of feeling like I was taking on more responsibility than what I originally thought someone at my level would, I ended up speaking up about it and being honest, and was told there were plans for me definitely getting promoted — I wish they would tell me exactly when — but they say, in the future!

3. The reader whose new boss was difficult to work with

Unfortunately, it’s really not improved much. I’ve asked her over the course of the last year how I can help her more, and every time I ask, she tells me it’s something she needs to do herself. What I have come to realize is that she seems to like the attention of always being “so busy” and wanting to look like a hero. It’s my own belief that because of this, she doesn’t want to accept unsolicited help because it would take away from her singlehandedly saving the day. So I just make myself available and try to keep busy with other things.

Although I must admit, it did not help that, when the person on whom she was calling for help that fell in my job description area came back from maternity leave, the boss pounced on her and started giving her “projects” immediately. I may not have a finance degree, but I do have a better-than-passing knowledge of Excel and better insight into how the operations side of things works. It stung, but I keep reminding myself I cannot control how other people do things, and all I can control is how I react (or not react, as the case may be.)

I thought at one point about just asking, but I realized I wouldn’t get a straight answer anyway, and although this job is not the greatest, it is still a job. I’m hopeful that 2013 will be the year I finally find something better. I just “celebrated” three years here, and I was not looking forward to that particular milestone.

4. The reader wondering how to push back with vendors and other external contacts

Unfortunately, I haven’t had any tough negotiation situations since I asked the question. However, the responses (both from Alison and the commenters) really did give me a lot more confidence for future negotiations. I realized that I already had actually been doing a lot right already, and knowing that makes me feel a whole lot less ridiculous when trying to “push-back.” (But I still bookmarked the post for future reference!) I also feel a lot more confident going to my boss and saying, “They won’t budge on the ABC expense, but I’ve been able to reduce X, Y, and Z, and that’s a good deal.”

5. The reader whose former boss was still monitoring her old work email account

The update is that he is still monitoring that old email. An it’ll be nearly 2 years come February. I hear it periodically from old friends trying to reconnect. The thing is, he only responds to those whom he views as potential “business contacts” like the slimeball he is. For those in my field who know me, I fill them in on the unethical business practices that I was victim of and I tell them how he monitors the email, still. And they all think it’s weird. Nobody thinks it’s normal.

I’d love to know if there is a way to go about letting him know that everyone knows his weasely ways. My other dream is to start signing up my old emails for a tooooon of spam.

So he’s still at it. It still bugs me.