what to do about an over-sharing crossdressing manager

by Alison Green on November 27, 2012

A reader writes:

I work in a very open, casual workplace (think jeans and tshirts) where “inappropriately personal” conversations happen a lot and many people are close friends in and out of work. We never interact face-to-face with clients. As such, the lines of professionalism often blur internally, though we are very professional with clients over the phone and email.

One of our managers has recently “outed” himself (his words) on Facebook as a crossdresser and has been talking about it a bit at work too. He has a lot of coworkers on his facebook, not just close friends. On a personal level, I don’t care and neither do any of the people he’s been chatting with. It also has no bearing on our work and would not impact our work or clients if he were to wear women’s clothes and makeup at work. But it’s still making some people uncomfortable because they aren’t necessarily close friends with him outside of work. I think he’s just so relieved to not have to hide this side of himself, that he’s oversharing without realizing it. Also, I think the fact that he’s a manager somehow makes it more uncertain and uncomfortable.

Basically, what phrasing would you suggest for someone to use to let him know they aren’t comfortable discussing it at work without making him think they disapprove of crossdressing itself? (He’s a super nice guy and would not retaliate or become angry. At most, he might get his feelings hurt and be a little melodramatic about it all. Possibly some vaguebooking along the lines of “learning who your real friends are.”)

A friend of mine was talking to me about it and I wanted to see what you had to say since I think you have great advice and a wonderful way of phrasing things.

Hmmm. I want to say up-front that this issue is outside of my area of expertise, and probably my comfort zone, so I’m just going to be feeling my way through this and might get it wrong.

First, it’s worth saying for general education purposes for people reading this who may not know: Crossdressing doesn’t indicate the crossdresser is gay, transgender, or straight. Some people who crossdress are gay, some are transgender, and some are straight. Without knowing more about this particular person, the only conclusion you can draw is that the person enjoys crossdressing.

Okay, that out of the way…

It’s great that you’re in a supportive environment where people feel free to be themselves. And if in fact your manager were crossdressing because he’s transgender (meaning that his gender identify is female), at some point he might make that transition in the workplace because that would be about who he is, on a fundamental level. However, assuming that’s not the case — that he’s not in fact transgender — then I think it’s reasonable to ask him to keep it out of the workplace.

If I were in your shoes, I’d say to him something like, “I’m glad for you that you’re feeling you can be more open with this part of your life, but I’m starting to feel uncomfortable with how it’s being discussed at work. I know it’s a part of your life and I have no issue with that, but it’s becoming part of the workplace in a way that doesn’t feel comfortable to me, just like bringing other parts of our private lives to work wouldn’t feel comfortable.”

I want to be clear that I’m recommending this because it’s not about sexual orientation. No one has any moral standing to tell someone not to mention their sexual orientation at work just because it makes them uncomfortable. It’s entirely reasonable for people to be able to share who their partner is, as straight people do all the time, and if that makes someone uncomfortable, too bad.

But this is different because it’s not about who he is; it’s about something he does. Something like sexual orientation is about who you are at a fundamental level — who you fall in love with, who you partner with, who you create a family with — and so it’s unreasonable to expect someone to keep it private.  But crossdressing is something he does, and that’s different. There’s no reason he needs to share it at work any more than you need to share what you do for thrills, particularly when it’s something so closely associated with sexual proclivities. (Note that I’m avoiding saying it’s sexual for him, since I have no idea if it is. But it’s widely understood as a sexual kink for at least some people who practice it, and that means it’s private and doesn’t belong at work.)

Now, if in fact he’s crossdressing because he’s transgender, then it is part of who he is. But until/unless he explains that, it’s reasonable to proceed as I’ve outlined above.

What do others think?

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how much does the hiring process reflect the organization?

by Alison Green on November 26, 2012

A reader writes:

I have been offered a job that I’m really excited about and can’t wait to get started in. At least, that was the case a few weeks ago, but now my enthusiasm is starting to wane. The reason? The incredibly long, bumbling recruitment process. In total, if I get the contract in the next few days, by the time I start work it will have taken five months to go from first contact to starting work. Almost half a year!!

I’m starting to think that if this process represents the organization fairly, I’m not sure I still want to work for them. In your experience, does the recruitment process reflect the organization as a whole? I’m worried I’m going to spend my working life frustrated by slow and inefficient processes. Its not a question I can really put to them without alienating them, but they don’t really explain the long delays, although they do often apologize for them.

Well, first, a five-month hiring process isn’t necessarily indicative of a problem, particularly if it’s a fairly senior position and especially if that’s the time from when you first applied to when you’d start work. Plenty of places move slowly and deliberatively (which is a good thing when hiring because the right fit is crucial), and plenty of places have to iron out budgets or other issues that come up unexpectedly and need to be resolved before they can move forward.

However, let’s assume for the sake of answering your question that it’s not just the length of the process that’s troubling you, and that you’ve seen additional red flags (which seems likely, since you characterized the process as “bumbling”).

In that case … I wish there were an easy, black and white answer to this, but there’s not.

Often, yes, a disorganized and chaotic hiring process does reflect what it will be like to work there. But other times, weirdly, it’s not entirely representative.

One thing to look at is whether you’ve been dealing with HR or the manager you’d be working for. If it’s been the manager, then yes, assume that this is a fair representation of what she’ll be like if you take the job. Even if she’s not the source of the disorder herself and is instead at the mercy of a bumbling HR department, you’ve got to assume that she’s either not able or not willing to assert herself when another area of the organization is impeding the work of her own department. If you’ve ever had a manager who won’t stand up to another department that’s getting in your way or won’t push back against policies that are impeding your work, you know how frustrating this can be. (And yes, sometimes a certain amount of bureaucratic nonsense just needs to be tolerated, but stuff that affects hiring is serious and worth pushing back against.)

On the other hand, if your sense is that the problems are all coming from HR, the picture is harder to figure out. It’s possible that the people you’d be working with would be great and that HR is its own isolated island of incompetence. But there’s a pretty strong argument to be made that an organization that allows a department to be an island of incompetence has a culture that’s problematic at best. Great cultures don’t produce or allow that kind of thing — in any area, but especially not in hiring.

Of course, there’s also the possibility that what you experienced was a fluke. The fact that they were apologizing for the delays might support this, since it indicates that they at least recognize that it’s not something people should expect.

So where does that leave you? Two things might help: First, what else do you know about how they operate, based on what you’ve observed about their culture while interviewing? Aside from their hiring practices, do they generally seem on the ball and like they’re running a tight ship? Are they action-oriented and reasonably decisive, or more wishy-washy? Do they seem to have a high bar for performance, or do you get the sense that they’re not especially rigorous?

And second, why not just ask about your concerns? If you get an offer, why not simply say something like, “I wonder if you could tell me more about the culture there. I noticed the hiring process took a while. Was that anticipated from the start, or if it took longer than you had originally expected, is that pretty common? What I’m wondering is about is whether you’re generally able to move pretty quickly when decisions need to be made, or if it’s a slower, more deliberative culture?”  This is a completely reasonable question to ask when you’re considering taking a job, and if you can’t ask it without alienating them, that in and of itself is a big red flag.

Read an update to this letter here.

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should parents get time off preference for holidays?

by Alison Green on November 26, 2012

Suzanne Lucas of Evil HR Lady has a great post up at CBS News about the issue of parents being given scheduling priority in workplaces that are open on Christmas Day.

She has a ton of good suggestions of what employers can do instead to be more fair, including making using vacation days on a holiday more expensive (by requiring 2 days worth of PTO, to incentivize people to choose other days), offering extra holiday pay, and increasing commuting and on-call work options. You can read it here.

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7 ways job-searching has changed in recent years

by Alison Green on November 26, 2012

If you haven’t searched for a job recently, you might be in for a shock the next time you do. Job searching has changed dramatically, as the Internet and the economy have both altered how employers operate and what job seekers can expect.

Here are seven ways the job search is different today than it was just a decade ago.

1. Online applications now require information you could previously avoid giving out. Back in the days when you were applying by mail, you included only the information you wanted to include in your resume and cover letter. But these days, online applications often won’t you apply if you don’t divulge your salary history, references’ contact info (before you’ve even had an interview), or even your Social Security number. This change is bad for job-seekers, who must tolerate invasions of privacy in order to simply submit an application.

2. Competition for jobs is greater. The reason for this is twofold: First, the economy means that there are more people searching for jobs than there are job openings. Second, the ease of applying for jobs online means that employers are flooded with hundreds of applications for every opening they post. For the job seeker, that means that where in the past you might have been up against a few dozen other candidates, today you’re usually competing against several hundred others.

3. Social networking has created new paths for finding connections to jobs. The advent of sites like LinkedIn has made it easier to see in a matter of minutes who in your network is connected to a company you might like to apply to. In past years, you might never have found out that your sister-in-law’s neighbor used to work for your dream employer. Today, the Internet makes that easy.

4. Employers are a lot pickier about who they hire. Because employers have so many qualified candidates to choose from, simply meeting the job qualifications isn’t nearly enough these days. That also means that it’s much harder for less perfectly qualified candidates to stretch up to a job that in previous years they might have been able to get more easily. Similarly…

5. It’s harder to change fields. No matter how transferable you believe your skills might be, the reality is that employers have plenty of well-trained candidates who meet all the job’s qualifications and have already worked in the field. That means that even though you might feel that you could excel at the job if just given the chance, employers don’t have much of a incentive to take a chance on you.

6. More candidates are taking internships even after they’ve graduated from college. If you’re used to thinking of internships as primarily for college students, think again. These days, more and more people are interning post-graduation, simply in order to get some work – paying or not. While many internships are only open to current students, increasingly companies are taking on post-grads as well.

7. Salaries are often lower. If you understand the laws of supply and demand, it’s no surprise that a flooded job market means that candidates command less money than they used to. Because employers have no shortage of applicants willing to work for less, the market value of many jobs has decreased. It’s not unusual for job seekers today to find that their new jobs pay less than the ones they left behind.

I originally published this at U.S. News & World Report.

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update from the reader who was chastised by a networking contact

by Alison Green on November 26, 2012

We had a letter last week from someone who had been chastised by a networking contact. She’d asked her contact — a fellow alumna — about whether she’d seen a particular movie. The contact responded by first criticizing the movie, noting that others shared her opinion, and then telling her not to ask “vacuous and ingenuine” questions. Here’s her update:

I just wanted to thank you again for not only answering my question but also letting me hear from other readers. I did go on to meet the contact in person, and wanted to give you an update on what happened.

I responded to the contact’s initial email, saying that I appreciated her advice, “point taken”, and that I looked forward to meeting her in person. She replied very quickly: “I am glad you are so receptive to constructive criticism. Look forward to meeting you also.”

We had coffee this week, near her workplace. To be honest, I was surprised when I met her. In person, she was very small, had a pleasant smile, and spoke in a very soft and feminine voice. She asked me to tell her about myself. Then she told me about herself. And then she had a lot to say on the subject of networking:

– “I know I probably gave you a lot to think about in that email I sent you, but you should understand that it wasn’t me putting you down as a person. It was me, as an objective third party, telling you exactly what’s wrong with your networking tactics and how to fix them. I am a very honest person, and I have definitely had many young people reach out to me in the past, saying that they want my honest advice, and then when I do give it, they can’t take the honesty. And I think it says a lot of good things about you in the way you responded to me without letting my comments affect your professionalism.”

– “As long as you’re unemployed, you should follow up with me via email once every 2 months. If you become employed, you should let me know, and then follow up with me twice a year.”

– “Don’t ask me about my personal life unless I brought it up first.”

– “It’s fine to ask me what I thought about something as long as it’s directly related to my job or my industry. You can pass along an interesting article and say, ‘hey, this made me think of you! Any thoughts?’ But don’t bring up topics that are irrelevant.”

– “Don’t listen to the career center at our alma mater. Most of the people there have never worked outside universities and have no idea what the hiring process is really like. Be very skeptical of any advice that they may give you, and if you’re not sure about whether something is professional behavior or not, ask me.”

At the end of the conversation, she agreed to conduct a mock interview with me in the near future. She also asked me for a copy of my resume and said that she would keep me in mind for any openings that she comes across.

That evening, she forwarded me a job listing with another company that was a perfect match for me. Although the listing was posted publicly, it had never shown up in any of the job boards that I frequent. I was ecstatic and applied immediately.

I am grateful for how this meeting turned out. Although the email exchange initially caused me a great deal of discomfort and embarrassment, I’m glad I was able to “suck it up” and handle it the way I did. I have to admit that my initial feelings about her didn’t completely fade away, but I do really appreciate her willingness to help me when I have nothing to offer her in return (she insisted on paying for my coffee!), and I think this could potentially develop into a good mentor-mentee relationship.

Thanks again to everyone who weighed in!

Hmm. I’m glad this worked out for you, and it’s a testament to how it’s worth meeting with people who you might not feel especially warm toward.

That said, she still strikes me as snooty.  And I’m a direct person who values directness in others, but you can be direct without losing all tact and kindness.

Rather than saying, “Don’t ask me about my personal life unless I brought it up first” and “Don’t bring up topics that are irrelevant,” there’s no reason she couldn’t have said something like, “I’d love to help you if I can, but because I have a busy schedule and get a lot of these requests, it tends to be easier for me if we stick to professional topics. I don’t mean to sound unfriendly; I’ve just learned from experience that I’m able to do more of this if we keep it very focused on the professional sphere.”

(And frankly, I’d even argue the validity of that position. I’m efficient to a fault — including sometimes in social situations when I shouldn’t be — and even I can’t see how spending 60 seconds answering a question about a movie is going to make or break her. Maybe she has trouble setting boundaries and has let similar relationships drift too far into the personal in the past, but unless she has a serious deficiency in that area, I can’t really see her stance as warranted … although it’s still certainly her prerogative.)

In any case, it goes to show that someone can be snooty and still helpful. Thanks for updating us!

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can I help my husband network through my own work contacts?

by Alison Green on November 25, 2012

A reader writes:

I know spouses shouldn’t get involved with each other’s job searches or careers. I am sooooooo not that person. But I’m wondering (whether and how) I can help my husband network with my contacts.

Here’s the situation: My husband is in business school. He’s changing careers, and has targeted a specific company where he’d like to work. It’s very competitive, and his background won’t make him a top-tier candidate, so he’s really working his network to try and develop advocates within the company.

I work in the nonprofit sector. Two of the executives at my (mid-sized) nonprofit are former staffers at my husband’s targeted company, as is our board chair. I do not know any of these people well. The two executives work out of an office in a different state; I’ve met one of them once at a training, and work with the other on a project that involves weekly conference calls but no in-person activities. Our board chair happens to live in my city; I’ve had two one-on-ones with him and see him at parties, etc. Can I do anything here? Is there any way to turn these contacts into useful contacts for my husband?

I’d say it’s an absolute no on the person who you’ve only met once, a cautious maybe on the board chair, and another cautious maybe on the one who you talk with on weekly conference calls (but only if you actually talk with her — if she’s one of a large group on the call and you don’t really know her, she’s probably a no).

I know that people often advise that you should make use of any possible connection to a job — even if it’s having your friend’s neighbor’s cousin pass your resume along. But these aren’t that sort of contacts; they’re higher-ups in your company and your board chair, who is your boss’s boss. These aren’t people who you want to risk making uncomfortable by asking for a favor that they might not be willing to do.

What’s more, the nature of their relationship to you means that — if they’re reasonably thoughtful people — they’re going to feel uncomfortable turning you down, because they’ll worry about appearing unkind to an employee. That’s not a position you want to put a board member of your organization in.

So that brings us to the cautious maybe. In practice, what that means is this:  With the two who you semi-know, it’s probably fine to say something like, “I wanted to mention to you that my husband is applying for a job as a ___ with XYZ Company. Since you used to work there, I’d love any advice for him that you might be able to pass on.” Note that you’re not asking them to recommend him or even pass along his resume — you’re only asking for advice. If they want to do more, they’ll offer to — but let them make the offer.

It’s important to be aware here that they don’t know your husband and can’t vouch for him in any meaningful way, so you definitely don’t want to ask for that. If they’re willing to lend a helping hand, they’ll tell you. (Be aware, too, that you’ve said your husband isn’t going to be a top-tier candidate, which could potentially create awkwardness if the do express openness to passing along his resume; if they take a look and see that he doesn’t look especially competitive, they’re now in an even more uncomfortable position.)

But with the person you don’t know at all, I wouldn’t even broach it. It’s just a different networking situation from a neighbor or a friend’s brother-in-law or any of the other weird connections people approach in networking.

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update from the reader who was insulted by a suggestion to intern

by Alison Green on November 25, 2012

Remember the reader who was insulted that after rejecting her for a job, an employer suggested she apply for their internship program?  She’d been trying for a few years to enter a very competitive industry (professional sports) and was frustrated that she was still being pointed toward internships. Here’s her update:

My story has somewhat of a mixed ending to it.

I ended up taking your advice, as well as that of some of the commenters, and told the hiring manager for the job I got rejected from that I wanted my resume submitted to the internship coordinator as a possibility. I never heard from him after that, and I ended up sending a different version of my resume to an internship that was outside of the area I had applied for a job in. Unfortunately, the team emailed me a couple of weeks ago and rejected me from the internship. I got a generic answer (moving forward with other candidates), so I’m assuming I didn’t have the experience they sought.

Recently, I had an interview with a different sports team and ended up making it to the final round of interviews. The position would have required me making a significant move out of town, which I was willing to do, but the pay was so low there was no way I was going to be able to afford it and I was going to have to keep my current job on a near full-time basis. The sports industry requires a lot of long hours and it can be hard enough to have one job, let alone two. It wasn’t something I was willing to do even if I had been hired. I placed in the top five, though, and the hiring manager said it was the best group of resumes he had seen since he had worked for the team. Although I was disappointed, I was proud of myself for making it so far in the process.

Since then, I have been evaluating my personal and professional needs and desires. The more low-paying jobs I see in sports, the less I want to keep working for little to no pay. Some of the positions only pay a few hundred dollars a month, which is not enough for me because of the expenses I have to cover. Also, I am slowly burning out on working a full-time job and writing for free on the side in hopes that I get some exposure and my big break.

With that said, I have not decided my next path, but I feel it’s time to change gears. My plan right now is either to stick with my original field (communications/writing) and change focus into a non-sports role, or switch careers altogether, as communications isn’t exactly in demand. If I change careers, I’m looking into human resources, as I feel some of the skills I gained from writing and editing would translate well to that field. I consider myself a by-the-book person and a strong planner as well. I’m also looking into ways to upgrade my education.

Thank you again for your help, and I’m hoping to also get your e-book as I look forward to the next chapter!

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how do I warn new hires about a toxic colleague?

by Alison Green on November 24, 2012

A reader writes:

I recently switched departments within a large company. My new role is similar to my old one, and I still work with some of the colleagues I got to know during the last few years; luckily, however, my new projects do not involve working with the one truly toxic colleague I encountered during that time. This is a very senior, essentially untouchable person. (She has a unique and very specialized skill set that is vital to the success of the many projects with which she’s involved. She’s also on a totally different part of the org chart from, but definitely senior to, my current boss and even my boss’s boss.) While superficially very friendly, this person consistently tried to undermine me and blame me — to my former boss — for her own failures to complete essential tasks on time. Luckily, I am somewhat anal about keeping old emails and was always able to back up my claims that I had provided her with all the required information and that I had sent her several reminders of the upcoming deadline, and standing my ground did seem to make her back off a little over time. I’ve heard informally that at least two other employees have had very similar dealings with this person.

In my new department, a new hire who is completely new to the organization, younger and less experienced than me, very nice, and seemingly very shy, has been assigned to a project that involves working with this toxic person. I have also met, and like, my replacement in my former position, who is obviously going to be in a similar situation. My question is, how can I subtly warn them both to watch their backs while working with our toxic senior colleague — to get everything in writing and to keep all old emails for backup, that sort of thing? I don’t want to poison their own relationships with this person before they’ve really had a chance to meet her (after all, maybe she’ll be fine with both of them), or to seem too negative and cynical to people I barely know. 

Avoid characterizing your coworker to them, but do recommend specific actions they should take.

In other words, don’t tell them that the colleague is toxic, untrustworthy, or difficult to work with. That’s for them to conclude on their own, and you don’t need to be seen (to them or to others) as someone who badmouths coworkers.

But do say something like, “In working with Jane, I found it’s really helpful to put everything in writing and keep an email trail of the information you’ve provided her with, any deadline reminders, and so forth. In the past, she sometimes was on a different page about those things, and it was very helpful for me to be able to point to specific emails I’d sent.” Say this in a neutral tone, like you’d use to give advice on any other part of the job — don’t use a tone that conveys “Jane is a jerk” or roll your eyes or anything like that.

The key here is to sound neutral and agenda-free — or at least as if your only agenda is making sure that work goes smoothly. Present this the same way that you’d present tips on working with the temperamental copy machine or getting along with a particularly tricky but valued client.

Of course, none of that will help if your coworkers aren’t willing to stand up for themselves and push back against Jane when necessary, but you’ll have at least armed them with the tools they’d need to do it and given them a hint that they might need to at some point.

Read an update to this letter here.

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should I let my coworker know someone is spreading gossip about her?

by Alison Green on November 23, 2012

A reader writes:

In my office, two of my coworkers share the same office. I believe they have a good relationship, but Coworker A constantly tells Coworker B’s business to EVERYONE in the office. From Coworker A, I have heard about Coworker B’s miscarriage, her other interviews within our company, her counseling at her church,her debt, her problems with her husband. I cringe every time Coworker A comes by my desk because I know she is going to tell someone’s business in the office, especially her office mate’s. I even try to ignore her intentionally so she won’t start to spill the beans…again.

Although Coworker B may not know not tell her personal things to people at work, it’s a given that she is giving her words on confidence that it won’t be spread.

Would it be wrong for me to intervene and tell Coworker B that she can’t trust her office mate?

I think you’d be doing Coworker B a huge favor to discreetly let her know, saying something like, “Hey, I wanted to give you a heads-up that Coworker A has been sharing a number of personal things you’ve shared with her. I wanted to make sure you realized that in case you’ve been assuming that you were talking to her in confidence.”  Don’t get into language like “you can’t trust her,” etc. — just simply state the facts, be concise, and leave it there.

Be prepared, though, for the fact that if you do this, she may take this up with Coworker A, mentioning you by name. Which may cause you issues with Coworker A, so you need to be prepared for that.

Meanwhile, though, there’s another thing you should absolutely be doing, whether or not you decide to talk to Coworker B about how her business is being spread throughout the office … and that’s to tell Coworker A explicitly that you’re not interested in hearing this stuff and that it’s inappropriate for her to be spreading it. The next time she starts gossiping about Coworker B, speak up!  Say something like, “Wow, I don’t think you should be sharing that.” Or, “That doesn’t sound like something Coworker B would want shared. Let’s not discuss this.” Or something else that clearly says, “This isn’t yours to share, and I’m not interested, so please stop it.”

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fast answer Friday — 7 short answers to 7 short questions

by Alison Green on November 23, 2012

It’s fast answer Friday — seven short answers to seven short questions. Here we go…

1. Coworkers want money from me for a lottery

I just started a new job a few weeks ago. I recently learned that my coworkers gather an office lottery pool about two or three times per week. Since everyone contributes to it, my coworkers added money in my absence (I have been in several new staff meetings) and asked me to pay them back. Is it wrong to feel a little insulted by this, especially since they didn’t even ask me if I wanted to contribute in the first place? I am helping take care of a sick relative, which I don’t plan on telling my coworkers, so I prefer to keep all of my discretionary income for myself or my family. How can I politely say that I’m not interested? (I am already aware that it will look bad that “the new girl” is the only staffer not contributing.)

I think “insulted” is an overreaction (they didn’t insult you, after all), but “annoyed” wouldn’t be. In any case, I’d just say, “I’m not one for lotteries, so no thank you” and leave it at that. (Alternately, you could say “I’m neurotic about budgeting, so I can’t” or anything else that conveys “no, this isn’t going to happen.”)

2. Asking for feedback after an internship rejection

I recently applied for an internship which was highly competitive. I really thought I was sure to get this internship, I’m over qualified, have everything they want, job experience, supervisory experience, stellar grades, volunteer work, etc. It turns out I didn’t get it. I’m over it, and on to my next plan, but…

This company gives an interview to anyone at my college who applies, in order to give them interview practice. The rejection letter was simply a brief paragraph which didn’t say much. Since they are trying to give people practice, do you think it is appropriate to email back asking for feedback on why I didn’t get the position?

Sure. In fact, it’s always appropriate to ask for feedback after an interview if you get rejected. You might not get it, but you might — and in a context like yours, there’s an extra chance that you will.

Just make sure to keep your tone non-defensive and non-combative.

3. Reaching out to a former coworker

I’ve been unemployed for about five months, and in the process have come to own your book and read your blog religiously. I’ve really taken a lot of your advice, especially about networking, to heart. Once I find a job that I’m interested in, I check to see if any of my LinkedIn contacts work at the company. On one such search, I came across an old colleague’s profile (we are not connected on LinkedIn but have several old colleagues in common). I saw that she works at a great organization, one that I too would love to work for. So naturally I went and searched the company’s website for job postings. One of the posted jobs is perfect for me and I plan to apply.

I don’t want to be just another resume in a stack of resumes. I feel contacting my old colleague (a director at the current organization) could possibly help move my resume to the top of the pile. The problem is that we hardly interacted at our old company. She was upper management at the old company, in a department I had nothing to do with, and I’m not sure if she’d even remember me (old company was about 30 people with a semi-high turnover rate; she was there for 15 years and I was there for 3, but she was asked to leave about 2 years into my time there). Additionally, I plan to be in her city for the next two weeks. Would it be weird to ask her to meet up for coffee, knowing that we hardly know each other?

Definitely reach out to her. She’s a legitimate contact; you worked together in a small company for three years, even if it wasn’t closely. I wouldn’t make the focus of your ask the coffee, though, since some people (like, uh, me) avoid such things at all costs. Instead, email her about the fact that you’re interested in the job and say you’d love any insights she can offer you on the company or the strength of your candidacy. Then add something like, “I’ll actually be in XYZ in a couple of weeks and would love to buy you coffee if you have time, although either way I’d love to hear from you.” Good luck!

4. Mentioning a hearing disability in your cover letter

I recently made the switch from recruiting to student advising and I love it. I had an interesting situation yesterday when helping a student review his resume. He had indicated in his cover letter that he has a hearing disability. Normally this is something that I would advise leaving out, but the reason he mentioned it is because he has difficulty understanding what people are saying to him over the phone. He mentioned his disability because he was explaining that the best way to reach him is via email, so his reasoning was valid. I explained to him that the decision to take it out or leave it in was up to him, but that he had to understand that by leaving it in he was opening himself up to possible discrimination.

What are your thoughts?

I think his reasoning makes sense. Someone likely to discriminate against him is going to have that opportunity as soon as they reach the next step in the process anyway, so it’s not like he’s avoiding that by leaving the mention out of his cover letter, and this way he’s giving them useful information about how to reach him. There’s more advice about job-searching while hard-of-hearing in this very old post right here (the seventh blog post I ever wrote, in fact).

5. Applying for a job you quit in the past

I was just wondering whether or not it is a good idea to apply to a job I quit in the past. I left on fairly good terms around three years ago and still have my old manager’s contact information. I saw the job posting online.

Sure, as long as you left on good terms and did good work while you were there. Be prepared to explain why you’re interested in returning to the same job you earlier left.

6. Ninjas, sultans, and swiss army knives

I just can’t take the personal branding on LinkedIn anymore. When I saw somebody refer to himself as a “Swiss Army Knife” today, I considered closing out my account for fear of coming across another idiotic self-appointed nickname. It’s already bad enough that dozens of business “ninjas” and “sultans” are populating the workplace, and now this. Do people really add these things to their profiles with a straight face? Anyway, I’m just curious what other silly titles are out there. I know LinkedIn profiles are not supposed to be as formal as resumes, but there seems to be a lot more embellishment of accomplishments and responsibilities on there, making people seem arrogant and clueless rather than accomplished and professional.

Yeah, blame the personal branding evangelists. It’s lame, and most hiring managers don’t give a crap about what you call yourself.

7. Can I break my commitment to stay for three years?

I am a young professional. I saw a job ad for a non-attorney position in government (where I want to spend my career) that matched my interests, especially in writing. After three rounds of interviewing, I was selected for the position. During my interview, the position was described as one that would focus on report writing and application of relevant legal principals. During the interview in which I received the offer, the head of the department requested that I commit to a term of three years. I agreed because the position seemed perfect for me.

I’ve made it through a year and realize I hate the job and feel misled. My position has little to no writing requirements and instead is mostly data entry. I write maybe 2-3 pages a week and I have to fight to even get that much of an opportunity to write.The office culture is highly dysfunctional as the head of the department doesn’t get along with my boss. My boss tells me to my face that I have done a good job whenever I ask for feedback but I have heard from multiple employees that he is actually displeased with my performance and sees me as a spy for management. I have also found that there is little opportunity for advancement with this department as some of my coworkers at my level have gone decades without promotion.

Should I honor my promise to stay on for 3 years or would it be okay to start looking elsewhere?

Start looking. Your obligation to honor your promise to stay for three years fell apart when they didn’t honor their obligation to give you the work they promised you.

To be clear, jobs evolve and aren’t precisely what was envisioned when advertised, so you shouldn’t go running off if things are just slightly different … but this sounds well outside the normal bounds of that. “Mostly data entry” is very different from what you were sold.

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