Ask a Manager

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Can I ask for a raise since I’m not getting high at work anymore?

I am a customer service manager. Recently, I quit getting high at work. My marijuana use here was no secret, and sometimes even encouraged by ownership. I recently took a long break from cannabis, and discovered that I am much, much better at my job without it. Who figures.

I have a review coming up, and I’m wondering if there’s any possible way to leverage “I’m not taking bong hits, and my performance has improved vastly” into more money without making it sound like my previously stoned work was not worth my salary. Is there any artful way of handling this?

Leave the weed out of it entirely. If you’re performing at a higher level now, that’s what you should build your case for a raise around — leaving the reason behind the change out of the discussion (just like you would if your work improved because you were getting better sleep or finally left your crap boyfriend or so forth).

That said, if the change has been relatively recent, you need to wait a while longer. There’s not enough case for a raise if it’s just “my work has been better for the last few weeks.” You need a sustained period of higher-level work to point to — generally an absolute minimum of six months (and always at least a year from when your salary was last set, unless something very significant about the job itself changed).

2. How to talk about a firing socially

I am in a situation where all signs point to me being fired from my current job. I’ve been using a lot of your prior advice about how to improve job performance issues and talking to my manager candidly about expectations and performance. However, it’s very much looking like a “when, not if” situation.

My question is: when that shoe drops, how do I discuss it in social situations? You’ve talked about how to address it in interviews, but what do I say about it to friends and family? Do I bring it up proactively, or do I wait until somebody asks about work? It will come out eventually and since many of my friends are from grad school, it would be helpful to let them know that I’m looking for work to activate that network. (For context, I am financially independent of my family and have been for several years now. I wouldn’t be asking for money from them!)

It’s really up to you! It definitely makes sense to share it proactively with people you’d like emotional support from; beyond that, you can announce it or not, as you feel like. If you don’t announce it to someone and they ask about work, it’s fine to just say, “Actually, I’m back on the market” … and then you can either share more or not, as you feel like doing. If someone asks what happened and you don’t want to get into it, it’s okay to say, “It wasn’t the right fit” or “they really needed someone to do X and that’s not my strength — I’m better at Y.” That’s not to say you need to dance around the fact that you were fired; there’s nothing shameful about it and if you want to share it, you should — this is just advice for navigating it if you’d rather not.

All of this also applies with people in your network who you specifically want to know you’re looking for work; you can still use language like the above with them if you’d like to. And if you want to proactively contact them to let them know you’re looking, you could start with, “I’m back on the market and looking for X.” You can fill in as much or as little detail as you want to from there.

3. Coworker is posting daily bible verses on the company social channel

I work for a large U.S. company, one that you’ve definitely heard of. We have an instant messaging app that the whole company uses, with different “channels” for different groups. My immediate team has a channel, my entire department has a channel, and so on, including one channel for the entire company, with approximately 128k people who see it.

For the past three days, a person (non-management) has started the day by posting a bible verse of the day. The first two had overtly Christian titles and were multiple paragraphs long, encouraging readers to “commit to Christ.” This morning his verse was much shorter and had no title, so I wonder if someone spoke to him about it. Between 10 and 20 people have responded with “like” emojis to each post.

Since the channel is company-wide, someone in HR has to have seen these. I know it’s only been three days, but many, many employees (myself included) are not Christians. And I really don’t want to be proselytized to while trying to find instant messages that actually do pertain to me.

However, the channel is, by definition, a social channel. There’s someone who posts (non-offensive) jokes, and someone who posts fun polls asking things like “What’s your favorite rock band of all time?” So the vibe for the channel is pretty much “anything goes.”

Should I point out the bible verses to my HR rep? Or should I just ignore them and hope that the poster gets tired or bored and stops sending them?

You should absolutely complain to HR and say you don’t want to be proselytized to at work. I wouldn’t assume they’ve seen it (not everyone reads company social channels or sees every message on them). It’s also possible someone in HR saw it and wrongly thought it would be fine as long as no one is complaining; scuttle that by being the person who complains.

Read an update to this letter. 

4. Can your boss refuse to let you ever eat lunch while at work?

Several years ago, I worked for a truly horrendous woman at a mid-sized company. From day one she set out to make my life miserable. I know most bad boss behavior is not illegal, but there was one thing that I always wondered about: she refused to let me have lunch. I couldn’t pop across the street to grab a sandwich, or even leave my desk to eat food brought from home in the break room. I would even try to eat while I was working, but she stated this was a distraction from my work and therefore not allowed. Twice, she called a lunch meeting and ordered food for everyone else but me. When I tried to eat afterwards, she reprimanded me.

She frequently demanded that I sit at my desk until 100% of my work was completed, which was regularly 10-12 hour days. I was classified as exempt so break and meal period protections don’t apply, but can management legally refuse to allow an exempt employee any kind of break at all? And can they refuse to allow you to eat while working? I did try mentioning that I was legally allowed to have a break and she told me that since I was exempt I wasn’t legally allowed anything, and skipping a few meals wouldn’t hurt me.

For the record, I only lasted working for her for two months. I tried to bring my concerns to HR and they were useless, so I walked out of that office in the middle of the day and didn’t even tell my boss I was quitting. This was clearly not the only horrible thing she did, and I had no qualms burning that bridge.

You’re right that state meal and break protections mostly only cover non-exempt workers — but a handful states do extend those protections to exempt workers too. So first and foremost, check your state’s laws.

Regardless, though, it sounds like your boss was specifically targeting you and trying to make you miserable in a particularly sadistic way. It’s ridiculous that HR refused to intervene, and you were right to get out without bothering with notice.

5. When and how long can you take FMLA for bonding with a new baby?

My wife is a teacher with a due date after the school year ends, and her contract is supposed to only obligate her to work the 180 days of the school year.

Her principal told her she might not be able to take as much time off (or at least get paid for it) next fall as we had planned since some of it falls more than 12 weeks after the child will be born. She only gets paid for FMLA if she uses sick days, so we had planned to use up most (not all since we need a buffer) of her accumulated sick days and then use my company’s more generous paternity benefits afterward, but this would limit how many sick days she could use that way.

Can employers block taking newborn bonding FMLA that starts a few months after the birth of the baby? If you can use sick days for maternity leave generally, can your employer limit you to only using them for days that fall before 12 weeks after the birth?

No! You’re allowed to take FMLA for the birth of a baby and to bond with the child during the 12-month period that begins on the date of the birth. That’s any time in the 12 months, not 12 weeks, following the birth.

The only thing I can figure the principal might be thinking is that you get a total of 12 weeks of FMLA per year, so maybe she misunderstood and thought your wife was proposing using those first 12 weeks over the summer and then more in the fall? But since her contract gives her the summer off anyway, that wouldn’t make any sense.

It’s four answers to four questions. Here we go…

1. Should we require a doctor’s release to return from a medical leave?

I am a director at a manufacturing company, and our positions have different physical requirements (sedentary to heavy lifting to outdoor work). When employees request time off for medical reasons, I’ll use my best judgement on whether they’ll need a doctor’s release to return. General rule is if an employee needs several days off and their position requires physical labor and/or has safety concerns, we will require a doctor’s release to return. Still, it’s dependent on the medical situation and job type, and sometimes they don’t fully divulge what’s going on. Which is fine, I understand the need for privacy. Sometimes I will have to request additional info, but I try to pry as little as possible and focus on side effects/concerns/etc. All employees are given info on FMLA, and we encourage them to request any accommodations. We rarely require a doctor’s note for the accommodation because we trust our employees.

I’ve been told by various people that this is a legal liability and harms our employees, and once I was told its “abusive.” They’ve insisted that if an employee discloses a medical issue, no matter how vague, we must require a doctor’s release to return. This feels invasive to me. Demanding a note feels like I don’t trust my employee to give me the correct info. If I feel that an employee is struggling, I’ll address my concerns with them then, but not all medical issues require releases to return to work. Sprained ankle at a desk job? Don’t need a doctor’s release. Sprained ankle for a mechanic that climbs ladders and lifts boxes? Probably needs that release.

The “abuse” comment came when an office employee was diagnosed with cancer. They initially requested a reduction in hours when they began treatment, which we gladly did (without reduction in pay) and worked with them to move some responsibilities. We encouraged them to take as much time as required for treatment, but they wanted to continue to work to keep their life “normal for now.” As treatment progressed, they decided to take time off, which we also had no problems accommodating. The abuse comment popped up when another employee pestered this employee for information early on in their treatment, found out about their lack of a doctor’s release, and promptly accused us of abuse as we did not confirm with that they were healthy enough for work (her treatment of this employee is a different story, and she was eventually let go for bullying).

Am I completely off-base? Are we harming our employees by not getting confirmation that they are allowed to work when they disclose medical issues? Or are we on the right track?

No, you’re not off-base. You’re treating your employees with respect, honoring their privacy when you can, accommodating whenever possible, trusting them to tell you if there’s an issue, and using common sense about when safety might require something more. Those are all excellent things.

Requiring someone to submit a doctor’s release before they can return to work regardless of the circumstances would be adding an unnecessary layer of bureaucracy that would undoubtedly frustrate your employees, delay their return (since now they have to go back to the doctor to get a release), and cost them more money, without any real benefit over what you’re doing now.

Don’t let yourself be thrown off by an employee who sounds like they had some sort of highly problematic agenda of their own (and which clearly wasn’t just the best interests of their ill coworker).

2. Vaping on video calls

I work at a company where everyone is fully remote so all meetings are online. There have been a few times where I have noticed coworkers vaping during meetings (even during meetings they were leading so they knew we could see them) and I found it a bit weird but wanted to get your take on it. Obviously I feel like it would be rude to smoke or vape in an in person meeting but since this was online I’m struggling to work out why it still feels a bit odd and slightly unprofessional? Is it just me? What is the etiquette here?

No, it’s not just you — in most workplaces, this would be considered unprofessional and a problem.

You’re expected to maintain at least some illusion of professionalism and adherence to work norms, even when you’re at home. And vaping on a work calls looks entirely too relaxed — it’s similar to if you were swigging from a beer as you led the meeting (which would be okay at some companies, but not at most) or were, I don’t know, flat-ironing your hair or leading the meeting from your blanket fort. It’s not that you couldn’t possibly be fully engaged while doing those things, but you’re going to look like you’re not.

When you’re working you give up a certain amount of freedom to do other things at the same time. Sometimes it can be mostly because of optics, but it’s a reality of work nonetheless.

3. My boss is assigning my employee work without letting me know

Today I was in a department meeting when my boss (the head of our department) called upon my direct report to give an update on a project. The only problem: this was the first I was hearing about this project! My boss had apparently assigned it to my direct report without looping me in.

This employee has been my assistant (helping me with my own senior projects) for about two years, and in addition to those duties he is now also starting to take on his own junior projects in our department (but always, so far, with my explicit oversight and guidance). My expectation has always been that I’ll have oversight of his work along with my own, and while this project my boss assigned him isn’t huge or complex, I was surprised to have it added to his plate without my knowledge.

I feel like I should say something to my boss, politely asking to be looped in when she’s assigning work to my direct report. But how do I even say that … and is it appropriate to raise this concern? I have a warm and cordial relationship with all involved, and I don’t want to cause drama. My boss has her own assistant so it’s not as if she’s short-staffed, and I think she saw this project as a “growth opportunity” for my assistant, so the assignment was coming from a good place. But how can I mentor him and support that growth if I don’t even know what he’s working on?

Yep, it makes sense to want to be looped in on what your employee has been assigned if it’s a substantial project or outside the normal course of what you’d assume he’s working on — not only for the reasons you mentioned, but also so you know his overall workload and available bandwidth. It’s reasonable to mention that to your boss and it’s unlikely to be a big deal; she probably just didn’t think about it and will be more likely to in the future once you nudge her about it.

But you should also mention it to your employee, too — i.e., “If Jane assigns you a project that will take longer than a few minutes, please let me know so that I’m aware of what’s on your plate.” That way you’re covering both sides of it and you’re less likely to be left in the dark.

4. When applying for a job, can I tell an employer that I’d need the high end of their salary range?

It has been many years since I last searched and applied for a job. I live in a state in which a salary range is required for job postings, which is great because I feel like it saves time and effort for both the job seeker and poster. My issue is that I often see postings with a wide salary range, with the low end being too low, but the high end being reasonable. Is it okay to include my salary requirements in a cover letter so they are aware I am not interested in the job if they are going to offer me the lowest salary posted? I don’t know if that would be off-putting to the person on the receiving end of the application, or if they would appreciate it so they can move on if they are not able to offer me the salary I would need to accept the position.

Yes, that’s fine to do! It won’t be off-putting to any sensible employer (you’re saving them time if they don’t want to pay the range you listed). There’s potentially some risk that by naming a range so early, you’re boxing yourself into that … but if what you learn about the job during the interview process makes you think a fair salary would need to be higher, you can always explain that at that point. And I’d argue that (relatively small) risk is outweighed by the benefit of saving yourself time if they don’t intend to pay the high end of their range anyway.

I do recommend trying to avoid naming a salary before the employer has named their own range (since otherwise you risk lowballing yourself). But in this case, they’ve already told you their range and you’re just clarifying where you’d need to fall in it.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My boss convinced my hotel to open my door so he could find out if I was there

I was sent out of town to train a new employee. My employer booked a room for me to stay in. The last day, my boss called twice at the beginning of my shift. I didn’t answer. Is it okay for him to call the hotel and create a false emergency situation and convince the hotel to go open the door to see if I’m in the room? He could have just called the store I was working at.

What?! No, absolutely not. If he genuinely feared some sort of harm had befallen you, that would be different — but if he deliberated fabricated a story just to find out if you were in your room (because what, he figured you were sleeping in? playing poker in there while blowing off work?), that’s a wild boundary violation and not the behavior of a reasonable or grounded person.

Of course, the bigger question is what to do now that you know this about him, especially if it doesn’t strike you as out-of-character.

2. How can I pull back on a friendship with a coworker?

I befriended my coworker in the last few months, and we began spending time together and communicating outside of work. I realized that while I enjoy being friendly with this person, they require a lot of emotional labor from me as a “friend.” This includes multiple calls and texts a day, asking to hang out outside of work, and venting about work or their personal life constantly. Often they share things that are very unprofessional — for example, detailing their efforts to blatantly disregard a company policy. When I don’t agree, they get defensive and I end up apologizing.

I am at a different stage in my life personally and professionally than this individual. They are not someone I would spend time with if I had not met them at work, and I do not like the person I am when I interact with them (gossipy and unprofessional), but I worry it is too late to walk back the level of access they feel entitled to without a big blow-up. What steps can I take to create some distance and set some boundaries? What should I say when they ask why I am not as available?

The easiest way to do it in a work context is to become much less available. Explain that your time outside of work has become so booked up that you don’t have much time left for anything but collapsing at the end of the day; you’re going to be less available for calls and texts as well. You can cite a specific reason for this change if you want to, or you can be vaguer and say something like “there’s a lot going on in my family right now.” Then follow through on that — don’t answer calls or texts outside of work (or if you do respond to a text, let a day or two go by and then send a short response: that alone will make you less satisfying to vent to). You can demonstrate what you want your new boundaries to by … just having those boundaries and sticking to them. But it’s kinder to do that when you first give a sort of blanket “I’ve got a lot going on right now and I’m not going to be around as much” so the person isn’t left wondering what’s going on or if they’ve done something to upset you.

More here:
my coworker has become needy and wants a closer friendship than I want

Read an update to this letter. 

3. My manager might have a second job

I saw a LinkedIn post congratulating my manager and “their team” for their work building a startup. They weren’t directly tagged in the LinkedIn post, but somehow the algorithm decided to send it to my feed, which is how I found out about this venture.

I know people can have side hustles, but my manager hasn’t mentioned doing any kind of side work at all and I don’t think our company would be okay with it, which makes me think they’re trying to be somewhat covert about it (although maybe the LinkedIn post suggests otherwise?).

Now that I know this, should I say anything (to my manager or anyone else)? It’d be nice to know whether my manager is planning on leaving soon, but I don’t really want to confront them with something they might have been trying to keep secret. I also don’t want to cause drama by snitching on them, but it does feel like a big thing they’ve been keeping from the team.

Don’t say anything. If your manager wanted to talk about it, they’d tell you. And you’re not obligated to share it with your employer — and could blow things up for your manager if you do, when it might not affect your team’s work for years, if ever. Lots of side businesses never become the person’s full-time thing; for all we know, your boss plans to do this on the side with no disruption to their primary job. Whether or not that would be okay with your employer is a different question, but not one so pressing that you need to raise it on their behalf — assuming, of course, that there’s not some additional detail that changes that calculus.

All that said … if your boss put this on LinkedIn, they’re being public enough that if you did want to ask about it, you wouldn’t be totally out of line. But check their profile to confirm that they really did first, because it could also just be something LinkedIn got wrong.

4. Should I let applicants know we’re not hiring after all?

I recently circulated a job description for a new role working under me in my small organization. I sent the description to a few friends in the industry. As resumes came back, I realized I wasn’t finding quite what I was looking for, and looking at them helped me recalibrate what I wanted in the role. We decided to put a pin in hiring for the position for now. Do I need to respond to people’s resumes telling them we aren’t hiring for the role anymore or is it okay to just leave them? I’ve been told the latter is fine, but I feel guilty leaving people on read and I’ve even had some people follow up. What do you think?

Ideally you’d send everyone a short note saying the hiring is on hold (or the role has been cancelled, or whatever message seems right to you). Doing this can be super fast; you can have one form letter that you copy/paste if you don’t have an applicant tracking system that will do it for you.

You don’t have to do it — a lot of employers don’t bother — but it’s certainly more courteous, and most candidates will appreciate it. Plus, it’ll (mostly) stop people from following up with you.

5. Should I be paid for checking email outside of work?

I am a school aide — the lowest rung on the ladder of jobs in a public school, and paid as such. I am paid hourly; I clock in and out via timeclock daily. At no point during my day am I assigned to a desk, nor have I been issued a computer, cell phone, or other personal digital device. However, there is an expectation that I check email regularly.

I asked at a recent staff meeting when aides were expected to check email. Our supervisor was baffled. She stammered and had no clear answer but said, “Most staff check at home before coming to work.” I pushed back, “But I’m hourly, are you saying I should do work off the clock?” She said, “It’s not really doing work, it’s keeping informed about work.”

After the meeting, some of my coworkers told me they have downloaded the city’s email onto the personal cell phones and check their school email during the day that way.

Is this something I should push back on through my union? This seems wrong to me. If there is an expectation I am to read email, it seems to me I should be provided the time and a device to do so.

Your manager’s statement that “it’s not really doing work” is legally incorrect; the law is very clear that reading and/or responding to emails is a work activity, and you do need to be paid for it (assuming that you’re non-exempt, which you sound like you are — and also assuming the time is more than a minute or two or otherwise de minimus). However, in most states, your employer wouldn’t need to provide you with a device to do it on; they can say that having a way to check email is a condition of the job. But they do need to pay you for all non-de-minimus time you spend doing it.

You could certainly check with your union for advice. You might end up finding out that it’s not a battle they want to spend capital on (and the political reality might be that if you pursue it yourself, your contract doesn’t get renewed — that’s not fair or right, but you should be aware that’s how this stuff works sometimes), but there’s no harm and potentially some gain in talking to your union about it.