Ask a Manager

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Should I leave my job with great benefits but a problem boss?

I need some help figuring out if I should stay in my current accounting job, or if I should start job searching. I work for a pretty small business, about 80 people across four locations. The office I work in has eight people, including the two owners. The good things here are very good, and the bad things are pretty bad. I only started here five months ago (but I have a solid work history, so I’m not super concerned about leaving soon if I need to).

Here are the good things: I am essentially working part-time for full-time pay and benefits. The owners overstaffed this role so I’m working about 15 hours a week making a competitive market salary for a full-time role with my title. I get to completely set my own schedule, come to the office when I feel like it, and work remotely when I feel like it. I don’t deal with any clients, so I truly can just work whenever I want as long as all the work gets done in a timely manner. Some days I start work at 7 am, and some days I don’t start until 4 pm, depending on what I need to get done in my personal life. The owners are only in the office about 15-20 hours a week and don’t monitor us at all. I have unlimited PTO and the owners really let us take advantage of this benefit. People routinely take 6-8 weeks off a year, including the owners, and no one gets any flack for it so long as work is done. My husband and I are actively trying for our first baby, and I genuinely don’t think I could find this work/life balance and level of flexibility at any other company.

Now the bad: When I was hired, the owners were honest with me that they weren’t 100% sure why I was being hired. They explained that the person working in the finance department already was overwhelmed, and they didn’t know if it was due to business growth or because she couldn’t handle the workload. It became immediately apparent to me that she just couldn’t handle the workload, so this department is overstaffed (hence why I’m only working 15 hours a week, sometimes less). When I mentioned this to the owners, my manager explicitly told me he knew we were overstaffed, but he planned on making no changes. This colleague, “Marissa,” has more education and experience than me. But she’s making my life hell. She’s a very nice, friendly person, but doesn’t understand even the basic concepts of our type of work. She is routinely going through my work and changing it (even though she’s not my manager) and screwing it up so I’m constantly redoing work. When I explained what was going on to the CEO, he told me it was my responsibility to handle “personality conflicts in the workplace” and that he “doesn’t know enough about what I’m doing to determine who’s right.” Because our CEO has zero knowledge about my type of work, when I try to explain things to him, he gets angry if I don’t do things the way he wants. For example, he constantly wants me to change our financial statements in ways that are not legal. When I tell him the changes are not permitted under IRS rules, he calls me insubordinate and sends me home. My name is signed on those financial statements, and if we’re ever audited, I’d be the one at risk. Also, I feel like my skills are atrophying already, and my sense of norms are being warped. My manager yells at people and everyone here just acts like it’s normal. I’m doing so little work that it feels like I’m not growing or progressing at all.

Do the benefits outweigh the drawbacks, or is this a cut my losses and run scenario? If it makes a difference, while I do want flexibility in my career so that I can start my family, my husband is going to be a stay-at-home father, so long-term my career success is more important for us than my ability to be really flexible.

If it weren’t for your CEO pressuring you to break the law — and calling you insubordinate when you explain you won’t! — I’d tell you that this just comes down to what you personally value most: flexibility versus satisfying work and professional growth. There’s no right answer to that; it depends on what’s most important to you. Some people would love the situation you have (minus the legal issues), even with the Marissa situation, and others would be itching to get out. It’s a personal call.

But the legal issues and the CEO’s handling of it tilt the scale to “get out.” That’s a serious situation that could have legal and professional ramifications for you even after you’ve left this job and it’s not worth it, even for the very real benefits you’re getting in return.

Read an update to this letter. 

2. Coworker has a quote about weapons in their email signature

I received an email from someone who works for my company but in a different location, and they had a TV show quote in their email signature. Normally I wouldn’t have thought twice about it but the quote was from The Mandalorian: “I’m a Mandalorian. Weapons are part of my religion.”

I should add: we work adjacent to higher education. I feel like referencing weapons even in a quote from a show is probably in very poor taste!

I’ve obviously never met this person and I’m not sure about what, if anything, I should say to them about it. Thoughts or advice?

WTF? That’s wildly inappropriate in a work context. In an era of workplace violence, it’s outrageous that (a) someone would think this was a good thing to put in their work email signature and (b) it hasn’t already been swiftly dealt with.

Forward it to HR or whoever plays that role in your company with a note that you were alarmed to see it and hope they’ll ensure it’s removed. Don’t engage with the person directly about it; they might just say no, so you need someone with the authority to handle it to handle it. (Ideally that would be their boss, but I’m suggesting HR instead because I assume their boss has seen the email signature by this point and for some reason hasn’t found it worth addressing.)

3. I don’t want people to think my pronouns and time zone are part of my name

I’m a director at a fairly progressive company that’s predominantly remote. Recently, the powers that be dictated that everyone is “encouraged” (read: “you have to do this”) to add their pronouns and time zone to their name in Slack. I don’t want to do this! My name isn’t “John Doe (he/him) (PST),” it’s just “John Doe.” There’s no bigotry angle here, as I already have my pronouns and time zone in my Slack profile and did so willingly before I was asked to. I have a real problem with my name being presented as anything other than my name, but I’m worried that not doing this will be interpreted as some sort of political stance when it’s not. Is my only option to bite the bullet and do it even though it bothers me on a personal level?

Yes, it will definitely be interpreted as a transphobic stance even if you don’t intend it that way, because what you’re saying doesn’t make sense any other way. No one is going to think your name is “John Doe (he/him) (PST).” It’s going to be obvious that that’s your name, your pronouns, and your time zone. It’s no different than if your company wanted you to include your job title after your name in your email signature, as many do — no one is looking at “John Doe, engineer” and thinking “engineer” is part of your name.

So the good news is that you don’t need to worry about that at all! You can include your pronouns and time zone without any risk that they will appear to be part of your name.

(If “encouraged” truly does mean “required,” though, that’s a problem since it can force people to out themselves or declare pronouns they don’t identify with. Encouraging it is good; requiring it isn’t.)

4. Can I mention the work I do for my disabled spouse on my resume?

I’m a carer for my disabled spouse — not formally or legally recognized, but in practice I do an awful lot of administrative work, scheduling, advocacy, research, and communication on their behalf. This has definitely helped me develop and demonstrate significant experience in all these skills, but I’m not sure if it’s something I can or should include on my resume or job applications. I’m concerned that employers might worry that my role as a carer might impact my attendance or performance. And if I were to include this experience, I’m not sure where or how to do so! I’d really appreciate any advice you have on this.

Leave it off. In general, work that you perform for your household or family doesn’t belong on your resume — partly due to convention, but in larger part because there’s no way to assess how well you did it. If you frequently dropped the ball, were horribly disorganized, and regularly messed things up, a prospective employer would have no way of knowing that … and there’s no appropriate way for them to probe into it. Plus, your family members can’t be references for the work (and they’re also much less likely to fire you than an employer would be!).

5. Helping an intern with the transition from intern to employee

I work for a small nonprofit where I’m the only full-time staff member (my boss, our executive director, works part-time and on a volunteer basis, so I’m the one running things day-to-day.) We’ve had a paid internship program for about a year and a half now, and it’s been great. One of our interns (Greg), who has been with us since the internship program began, will be coming on as a full-time staff member in a few weeks. I’m thrilled, because Greg is fantastic and a perfect fit for our organization, and having him on full-time will really help take stuff off my plate and help our organization grow.

I’ve onboarded new hires before, but since Greg has been working here for over a year (and honestly operating much more like an employee than an intern, in terms of the level of ownership he’s been able to take on), I know that the onboarding process should be a little different than it would be for someone who’s totally new to the organization. Do you have any recommendations for how I should structure Greg’s onboarding into this new role and what that onboarding should include? Is it just the typical onboarding process minus the “here’s how our organization works” part? Are there any other things I should incorporate to help him transition smoothly from a part-time intern to a full-time staff member?

Do all of it, just like you would if he were brand-new to the organization — because there are probably holes in his knowledge about how your org works that you don’t know about (and that he may not even be able to identify). In fact, although it wouldn’t be practical, I sometimes think there would be benefits to re-doing new employee orientation once people are six months in, because everyone misses a lot in the beginning.

You can explicitly tell him your plan at the start — “I’m going to go over everything with you that I normally would with a new hire. Some of this will be familiar to you, but I want to make sure you don’t miss out on anything just because you’ve already been interning with us.”

In addition, think about what’s changing for Greg now that he’s moving from intern to staff. What expectations will be changing? Are there things he didn’t have the authority for previously that he will have now? Do you want him to manage his work any differently? Step up differently in certain areas? Whatever those things are, spell them out explicitly. (That said, generally you won’t be able to anticipate all of those little changes, so assume you’ll be naming some as you realize them, too.)

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Can I ask my employees for proof that she asked other employees to take her shift?

I am a shift manager at a fast food restaurant. I have a question that my manager seems to be avoiding. Today an employee (Emily) texted me that she won’t be able to come in. I told her okay, but to ask Xio, Luis, Sam, or Carlos if they’re able to come in. She said yes, she would text them. I ended up being the only cashier the entire afternoon.

When I got off of work I was texting Sam, who is also my friend, just ranting about the shift. Well, it turns out Emily never even reached out to see if she was able to cover her. So I’m not sure if Emily texted the other three employees. It also had me wondering if she was faking being sick or just called out to hang out with Luis, who is also her boyfriend, because he didn’t go to school today either.

I was wondering if I’m allowed to, or legally able to, ask Emily for screenshots confirming that she texted the other employees? If not, do you have any advice on how to handle this situation? I’ve had issues with her in the past such as her work performance and inability to follow instructions.

There’s no legal reason you couldn’t ask Emily for screenshots, but it would be a pretty crappy way to manage — and awfully demoralizing for her if she was actually sick and if she did indeed contact some of them. If you really want to dig into it, you’d be better off just asking the others … but even that seems like focusing on the wrong piece of the situation. If you have issues with Emily’s work or her reliability, address those head-on and tell her what you need to see change. If it doesn’t change, then decide if it still makes sense to employ her under those circumstances.

But most of the time when a manager finds themselves wanting to demand this kind of proof from an employee they already don’t trust, it’s a sign that you need to deal with whatever the issues are that have made you not trust them in the first place.

I’d also suggest rethinking the system of requiring employees to find their own coverage when they’re sick. I know it’s incredibly common in retail and food service and I’m undoubtedly fighting a losing battle on this one, but when someone is legitimately sick, it’s not reasonable to expect them to call around for coverage.

2. My boss interrupts me while I’m presenting

Someone who used to be my coworker became my boss. She has some micromanaging and impulse control issues. While she was my coworker, I was asked to give two different presentations to various groups. The first time, she interrupted my presentation to say, “Oooh, tell them about this,” and “You should tell them that!” I hadn’t got to that part of my speech yet, and it was really distracting to have someone coach me in public this way. I received a scholarship for the college forensics team, so I am not a stranger to public speaking. I had prepared a perfectly complete speech, she just couldn’t help herself from trying to “fix” it while I was in the middle of presenting it.

To avoid this happening the second time, I “practiced” my half of our joint talk in front of her so she would know that I was doing a competent job. (She did not feel the need to run her half of the talk by me.)

I have been asked to make two presentations at meetings she will be attending this summer. How can I ensure that I am able to give my speech uninterrupted by unhelpful comments from my boss?

The simplest solution won’t work. I can’t approach her about this, because she has a habit of not remembering things, and will have no memory of her rudeness, so bringing it up will be a waste of time. I do not want to “practice” my speech for her. My options as I see them are: (1) ask a coworker to sit next to her and stab her in the thigh with a pencil if she interrupts me this way or (2) publicly shame her by handing her the slide clicker so she can finish the presentation to her satisfaction. Do you have a more diplomatic solution?

Years ago, some other activists and I disrupted a speech by a presidential candidate (yelling, unfurling a banner, showering the audience with flyers, and generally causing a disruption). Unlike many of our other targets, he handled it perfectly. Rather than getting flustered or seeming irate, he called out, “Let’s hear it for free speech!” and praised us for exercising our right to protest. He looked great — in control and unflappable — and our protest fell flatter than it would have otherwise.

I’m not suggesting you use that approach with your boss, but I do think it’s valuable to consider “handling interruptions with aplomb” to be a sort of 301-level public speaking skill, and looking at it that way could help. That would mean that assuming that you’re going to get interrupted and preparing for it. If you’re expecting her to interrupt, you can be prepared with responses like “yes, I’ll get to that, keep listening” and “I agree, that part is exciting, give me a moment to get there” or whatever else makes sense for your specific context, and you probably won’t be as thrown off by the interruptions because you’ll have planned from the start that they’d be coming.

Read an update to this letter. 

3. I hate my job — do I have to stick it out for a year?

I just joined a company in my field with an good reputation after being courted for the better part of a year. There were pink flags in the recruiting process, and some negative online reviews, but I chalked it all up to a few dissatisfied people. How could a company with a good overall reputation be that bad? Turns out, I am having the most negative experience. My burnout is such that I spend most days crying at some point or another, and I generally feel like I’m failing. I work on a team whose leader is unresponsive and provides no guidance or support, and that’s making my job so much worse. A lesson to everyone to do intense due diligence and not be swayed just by a big paycheck and a past good reputation.

Needless to say, I’m considering an exit strategy, but I’m concerned that I’m doing damage to my career. My last two job stays were 2.5 and 2 years, and before that 4.5 years. I left a job during the great resignation, and my most recent job I made the mistake of not bringing my concerns to my manager, which were ultimately fixable. I also made the mistake of announcing the new job on LinkedIn, because it seemed like the new norm to announce fast. Waiting to make sure a job was for me before putting on LinkedIn was a rule I held firm on in the past. I’m worried now that my reputation will be impacted by my leaving this job after such a short amount of time. It’s been only 6 weeks, but my concerns go beyond buyer’s remorse. I’m miserable every day. I’ve put feelers out at my old job, but otherwise, am I going to have to stay here for a year to make myself look okay reputationally?

What, no! You don’t need to stay at a job for a year to protect your reputation; you can leave whenever you want. Leaving quickly can be more of an issue when you have a pattern of short stays (because at some point you look like you’re always going to move on quickly) but that’s not your situation. Your last three jobs were perfectly solid stays, particularly with that 4.5-year stay in there.

It’s true that if you had, for example, only four jobs and you hadn’t stayed at any longer than two years, I’d assume you were likely to leave after two years again — and I’d take that into account if it were something that mattered for the job I was hiring for (it might or might not, depending). But that’s not your situation.

Plus, six weeks is so short that you can just remove the job from your resume and LinkedIn entirely. Go ahead and get out, so you can stop being miserable.

Read an update to this letter. 

4. What if an employee who gave notice won’t leave?

I work in a nonprofit on a team of six people. For various reasons, three of the six have left or are leaving: one left a few weeks ago, one left this week, and the third, Jane, has more flexible departure plans but originally said she’d leave next month. Now Jane has indicated her willingness to “stay for a while and help out during the transition.”

My manager asked me if I was interested in pursuing the third position. I have a long tenure and a unique skill set, but on paper it is a lateral move. After doing some research and speaking with others in my field, I went to my manager earlier this week with a proposal to upgrade that third position and reconfigure the others to better align with current best practices.

Today she told me she’s worried if she posts this upgraded position while Jane is still here, Jane will change her mind and decide to stay. Is that a thing? Surely if Jane gave notice and we’re moving forward with hiring a replacement, she can’t actually just decide to not leave … right? And I’d think she certainly can’t decide to stay and just automatically get the upgrade?

I can hold my own in an interview process for this role, so it’s not about thinking it should just be handed to me. But the idea that the outgoing person has the power to just … not leave has my head spinning. In theory, how would a manager handle this situation?

Jane can change her mind and offer to stay —but offer is the key word, because she would need your employer to be on board with that decision. It’s not up to her once they’ve already began planning for her departure, but she can ask. They have the option of saying, “Thanks for the offer to stay, but we’ve already made plans based on your resignation, so let’s keep your last day as June 1.”

As for what your manager should do: She should first decide if she agrees with upgrading the position. If she does, then she should decide whether she’d rather offer Jane the upgraded role, or move you into it, or consider a wider range of candidates through a broader hiring process. If she doesn’t want to put Jane in that job, then she’d need to be prepared to tell her that if Jane asks about it. That could mean telling her that the revised position was created with you in mind, or created for a different skill set, or that she doesn’t think Jane is the right fit for the revised job, or that they’re far enough along in their plans for her departure that they no longer have a spot available for her. The fact that your manager isn’t approaching it that way is worrisome — is she so inexperienced that she doesn’t know she can? Or so weak that she’s not willing to? Or is it possible she’s not being fully straight with you about her hesitations about revamping the role in the way you proposed? My guess is inexperience/weakness, but assess based on what you know about her.

Read an update to this letter. 

5. Do employers who say they welcome diverse applicants want me to declare my marginalized identities?

I have a question about that very common language that many employers have somewhere in the job description, something along the lines of: “We seek to hire, support, and promote people from all genders, ethnicities, and all levels of experience regardless of age. We particularly encourage applications from women, non-binary individuals, people of color, members of the LGBTQA+ community, and people with disabilities of any kind.”

I am a member of the LGBTQA+ community — I am a bisexual cis woman in a long-term committed relationship with another woman. Obviously, this is a pretty large part of my life and identity. But I struggle with interpreting what this statement means and what I should do about it. The issue as I see it is that some of these “preferred” qualities in the list above are obvious to the eye and likely to be noticed at some point in the application process just by meeting a candidate (i.e., someone’s skin color, if they use a mobility aid, or even if they list their pronouns as “they/them” on a resume or something like that). Others, of course, are not!

What is the appropriate way to disclose that you identify with one of these categories in an application, especially when your identity may not be directly relevant to the role? If I was applying to be a counselor at a queer youth center, I could talk about my personal experience as a queer person. But if I am applying to be a project manager at a consulting firm, then how or when would (or should) I say, “By the way, I am also a member of the LGBTQA+ community” if it’s not related to the work I would be doing?

I also feel like I have it way easier than some other folks – like, for example, the “A” in LGBTIA+ typically stands for “asexual” or “aromantic.” I can at least (sometimes) drop a comment about my partner and use her pronouns during small talk in an interview, but when is an asexual person supposed to drop THAT information in the application?! “Oh by the way, I’m single because I don’t experience sexual attraction towards other people” seems like a super weird thing to incorporate into an interview — but the company is SAYING that they especially want asexual people to apply! Do you have any advice on navigating this as an applicant?

You’re assuming that diversity statements like the one you quoted mean that the employer wants you to declare the marginalized groups you fall into — but that’s not typically the case. Generally, they’re trying to convey to prospective applicants that they’re committed to creating a workplace where a diverse group of employees can thrive. It’s information for you — not a signal that they want you to declare anything back (unless you feel it’s relevant to the work you’re applying to do, such as in your youth counselor example).

Also, a note: You also called these identities “preferred qualities” — but they’re not saying they will give preference to people who belong to those groups. In fact, it would be illegal for them to do that in the U.S., except with disabilities. They’re just trying to convey that they’re a welcoming workplace that strives toward equity and inclusion. (Whether or not they actually are more equitable than most is often a different question.)