bosses: what do your employees complain about behind your back?

by Alison Green on December 13, 2007

When I’m interviewing candidates for management positions, I like to ask something like: “Even the best bosses’ employees will occasionally have complaints about them. What complaints do you think the people you’ve managed have had about you?”

The responses are revealing in a lot of ways. An astonishing number of people can’t answer it at all, or have to really think about it; they’ve clearly never bothered to think about it before. This is disturbing, as it indicates anything from lack of self-insight to insufficient engagement with employees to simply not caring what employees think. A handful of people will say what they think I want to hear, usually something along the lines of, “I work them too hard.” (Not what I actually want to hear, by the way.) Of the people who can answer it genuinely, I’ve heard responses ranging from “I can be too gruff” to “They want more direction.” It’s really a useful question for getting insight into someone’s management style — or, in the case of the non-answerers, their lack of insight into it.

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how to get hired if you’re under-qualified

by Alison Green on December 12, 2007

I’m continually surprised by how many people don’t realize that the “required qualifications” in job ads are like wish lists, not inflexible lists of requirements. Those qualifications are a composite of someone’s idea of the ideal candidate. Believe me, they will look at people who don’t perfectly match it. So when a job posting requires four years of experience and you only have two, you’re not automatically disqualified. If you think you could do the job, apply anyway.

That said, if you’re a bit under-qualified, you need to work for it more. Here’s how:

1. For starters, you must write a fantastic cover letter. If you don’t do this and you’re under-qualified, you have no shot. (See tips on writing a great cover letter here.)

2. Learn a ton about the company you’re applying to, and let it show in your cover letter. I’m impressed when people know more than the basics about my organization and tie it into why they want to work for us. It’s like the way it’s far more enticing when a guy I’m dating talks specifics about why he’s interested — as opposed to seeming like he’s looking for someone to fill the “girlfriend” slot he has open.

3. In your cover letter, acknowledge that you don’t have every qualification they’re looking for, and explain how you’ll make up for it. (Be realistic here — if they’re hiring a graphic designer and you have no design experience, this won’t work.) Acknowledging it is good because (a) it shows you paid attention to the ad — something most people don’t do — and indicates an attention to detail that hiring managers love to see and (b) it shows that you’re not one of those insanely overconfident candidates with no humility or sense of your own weaknesses.

4. Be likable. This is always important in a job search, and it’s especially so when your qualifications alone aren’t going to rocket you to the top of the pile. This means be friendly, not pushy or overbearing, and genuinely interested in the job, the organization, and your interviewer. Make it easy for us to want to help you.

5. From the cover letter on through the interview process, really paint a picture of things you’ve done well in past jobs (including volunteer jobs, if the reason you’re under-qualified is because you’re a recent grad or stay-at-home parent with little work experience). I recently interviewed a candidate with no direct experience in our line of work. However, she had worked as an assistant to a high-profile local personality, and it was clear she had juggled an enormous workload, stayed highly organized, and been generally indispensable in making his life run smoothly. I love those skills, and they can rarely be taught. So I don’t care that she’s never worked with the databases her potential position would require; I know enough about her now to know she’ll pick it up quickly.

Remember: Job ads are wish lists. Don’t be deterred if you’re not a perfect match.

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should I speak up more in meetings?

by Alison Green on December 12, 2007

A reader writes:

I am not sure if this is a real problem or something trivial that I perceive as a problem. So far it hasn’t yet resulted in any repercussions but it always has me worried and paranoid.

The situation: I am more of a soft-spoken, mild-mannered type who considers himself a good listener. The problem is that I don’t really speak up in meetings. I mostly listen and take notes and try to understand what is going on and being said. I am not sure if this is harming me in the long run in terms of how my colleagues and those in the upper ranks perceive me, whether they see my being quiet as a problem or if this tendency indicates a negative mark in my character.

So far no one has said anything but I can’t help but feel self-conscious when everyone seems to be piping up with opinions and ideas and I remain silent in meetings trying to understand it all and take it all in. When I have an opinion or an idea, I do pipe in but most of the time I find myself on the listening end rather than the talking end.

I know that being more outgoing can be a big plus in the work world where social skills matter as much as your actual professional skills. I was wondering what advice you can give for me to gauge whether or not my being reserved is a potential problem or not.

Some of your colleagues are probably grateful to you for speaking up only when you have something worth saying and not being one of those people who has input on everything. That said, it’s a good thing to be thinking about. I have two pieces of advice:

First, I think you’re right to recognize the value in participating. Even if you don’t have a new idea to offer, there are other ways to add to the conversation. For instance, if someone says something that you don’t find clear, ask them to expand on what they mean. Or if someone offers an idea that you think is a good one, say so. That sort of contribution can make you a valued part of a conversation. After all, participation isn’t just about offering new ideas — it’s also about helping to refine or clarify others’ ideas and being someone who makes people feel their input is useful and valuable. (Sometimes I think people don’t do the latter because they think they’re too junior for a more senior person to care about their praise — but it’s actually not true. Everyone loves to hear, “That’s a great point.”)

Second, rather than continuing to wonder, you could ask your boss directly for feedback on this. It’s okay to be direct and say something similar to what you wrote above. For instance, you could say, “I’ve been thinking lately about how I come across in meetings because I realize I don’t speak up as much as others. I listen actively and I do speak up when I have contributions to make, but I wonder if you’d prefer for me to be more involved.” It might lead to a good conversation about other strengths your boss values in you, or ways he/she would like to see you develop.

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stop offering to take less money

by Alison Green on December 12, 2007

There’s a weird sales tactic going on with some job applicants: I’ve received a few resumes recently from people who — in their cover letter, their very first contact with us — say that they’d be willing to do the job for less than the posted salary. This is clearly meant as a way to sell themselves, by pitching us on the idea that we’d save on their salary.

This strikes me as a very bad idea. I’m going to hire the best person for the job, within the limits of what I can afford … and if I’ve posted a salary (which I have in these cases), I can afford to pay that. I’m not going to take a lesser candidate just because he or she is cheaper. So their statement isn’t going to influence my decision.

But if I end up hiring one of the people who announces from the outset that they’ll take less money, you can bet I’m going to take them up that offer to work for less. This might be the worst negotiation technique I’ve ever encountered.

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“required” to attend the holiday party?

by Alison Green on December 6, 2007

A reader writes:

We have one employee who is not interested in attending our annual holiday party. We only have 3 employees; the other 2 are coming, and several of our clients and other business associates are coming. Is there anything I can do as a manager to suggest that the employee consider his actions? I don’t want to tell the employee that he is expected to attend, but by not coming he will offend myself, my partners, his other co-workers, and possibly our clients (they will at least ask where he is, and it will be odd or uncomfortable).

I understand that you don’t want to be in the position of requiring employees to attend something that’s likely intended as a morale-building treat, but because you’ve invited clients and business associates — and because you’re a small company, meaning that the clients and business associates will likely outnumber employees — in many ways this is a business function.

The employee, on the other hand, is likely thinking of it as a party, not a business function, and thus feels as free to decline the invitation as he would any other social invitation. Clearly there are work repercussions to him not attending, so I think you should be honest with him: Tell him that this is a business function and it will reflect poorly on him if he’s not there.

If you don’t want to require him to go, you can tell him it’s his choice — but at that point, he’s likely to feel pressured into going and may resent being told it’s his choice when it’s clear you really expect him to attend. So if you make it optional, I think you have to be genuine about it — i.e., don’t penalize him (even in your own mind) for not going.

Companies usually hold these events because they believe they build employee morale — but it’s important to take a look at whether they actually do. I once worked at an organization that threw numerous “social” events for the staff. Despite ostensibly being parties, we were clearly expected to show up, and we heard about it if we didn’t — and it made us not appreciate the parties at all. If you have staffers who just don’t enjoy these functions, requiring their presence under the guise of giving them a treat isn’t going to build morale; it’s going to hurt it. I think the answer is to be honest — if there’s a business purpose, be honest about that and require attendance. But if it’s truly supposed to be for the staff’s enjoyment, accept that some people won’t show up because they don’t enjoy such events (or would rather spend their off hours doing something else), and be okay with that.

Anyone else have thoughts? I suspect it’s a hot topic.

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old boss blackmailing reader after new job offer

by Alison Green on December 6, 2007

A reader writes:

I gave my two weeks notice this week at my current company. However, there is now some sort of issue. My boss said yesterday she would like me to stay until after the holidays. I already accepted the offer for two weeks from now and I had told her this when I resigned. However, yesterday she threatened to call my new boss and tell her I have a poor attendance record. This is really not true, in that I only took the amount of sick days granted to everyone but for some reason I had gotten in trouble for this awhile back when I had doctor’s notes and was even in the hospital for a bad infection. But they even wrote on my last review that I had poor attendance and needed to obey company policies, even though I never thought I did anything wrong. But really after all of that I would not want to stay and jeopardize my time with the other company. I don’t really know what to do.

It’s unprofessional of your boss to try to blackmail you into staying longer. If she had an issue with your attendance, she should have addressed it with you at the time or utilized the option of discussing it if she received a reference call for you.

You know what? I wouldn’t let it bother you at all. Tell her firmly and politely that you’re sorry but you already made a commitment to the new company and can’t alter it, but that you’re willing to do whatever you can to leave things in good order when you go — i.e., put time into leaving the work you’re responsible for organized and in a form that will be understandable to her and your replacement, perhaps even writing a “manual” for your job. But hold firm on the exit date you gave her.

Chances are very good that she’s not going to follow through on her threat. If she does, explain to the new company that your boss is reacting poorly to your leaving and tried to push you into staying longer, then blew up when you wouldn’t. (Present this in as neutral and unemotional a light as possible; you don’t want to sound like you’re badmouthing her.) You can explain that you followed company policy on attendance as well. Hold firm — you’re out of there very soon. Congratulations on the new job!

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office holiday party tips

by Alison Green on December 6, 2007

I’m lucky enough to work in an office of people I really like, but it has not always been that way. In previous jobs, I had my share of coworkers I preferred not to mingle with. In the spirit of those Christmases past, I bring you these patented Ask a Manager office holiday party tips. This year I am fortunate enough not to need them, but I know plenty of you do.

1. Try to drink things in small glasses, so that your beverage runs dry every few minutes and you have a constant excuse to leave an awkward conversation.

2. If you bring a date, you may not leave them to fend for themselves.

3. Many coworkers will violate rule #2. This can be fascinating. I vividly recall being devastated one year when I discovered that my office nemesis had a fantastically funny and smart wife. (He really was my office nemesis. He introduced me to his wife by saying ominously to her, “You’ve heard ALL ABOUT HER.”) I spent the rest of the evening talking to her, and weeks wondering if her general awesomeness meant my judgment about him was mistaken.

4. Hang out by the bar or food. In addition to the obvious advantages of easy access to the free fare, everyone circulates by you with no effort on your part, and you have something to lean against.

Happy holidays!

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update from reader being lowballed by her boss

by Alison Green on December 1, 2007

I just received a fantastic update from the reader who wrote in recently about being ridiculously lowballed on salary by her boss, despite getting glowing feedback and being told she was a model employee. She felt she didn’t have enough experience yet to get hired anywhere else, so she felt trapped at a company that was being pretty insulting to her. I and several commenters advised her to re-approach her boss and to look elsewhere if her company wouldn’t bend. (Read the original post here.)

Read what’s she’s managed to do in the 10 days that have passed since — hopefully it will make you feel as great as it did me:

I cannot thank you and your wonderful “comment-ers” enough for all the help! I read all the comments and I appreciate all the insight. I posted an updated resume on Monster.com the day before Thanksgiving. That next Monday morning, I got three companies inquiring about an interview! I had to take it down because I got paranoid that my company might see it, since we are also short-staffed!

Armed with the knowledge that there are other jobs out there, I went into the meeting with my boss. Unfortunately, the discussion proved unsuccessful. He said I should be the “best [me] that [I] can be” and not to worry about everyone else. He didn’t give me any straight answers and tossed around a whole bunch of cliches about teamwork and only competing against myself. He tried to make me feel guilty and awkward, but his condescending manner helped me make a decision. I resolved to find a better working situation.

After that terrible meeting with my boss, I took the next two days off. I went in for an interview with a company, which happens to be one of our top competitors, and it was amazing. They really liked me and offered me an even better position. The position is very similar to what I do now, but I’ll be able to use more of my skill sets. They’ve offered me a salary position that is DOUBLE what I am making right now. They assured me that the non-compete at my current job will not hold up in court because I started as an entry-level position. As long as I don’t take my clients or anything propriety with me, they have no reason to go after me. I accepted the position!! :)

I gave my two weeks notice this afternoon. My boss was shocked! I was very professional, thanked him for everything, and told him that I was pursuing other opportunities. He didn’t take it very well. He warned me not to let “company politics sour [my] promising career” and to be more patient but I’ve already made my decision. I’m worried that this is going to be the MOST AWKWARD two weeks of my life, but I at least I can see a “light at the end of the tunnel.”

Thank you so much for encouraging me to be proactive and not let this situation consume me! I cannot believe how great it all worked out! Please also thank your “comment-ers” for me! I “share” this success with you all for motivating me!

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male and female bosses judged differently?

by Alison Green on November 30, 2007

Management Line reports that a new study finds that “female bosses who are seen as unkind or insensitive are judged as worse managers. People, however, are prepared to overlook the same traits displayed by male managers. In other words, male and female managers are judged by different standards.”

This adds yet another frustrating layer to that already-infuriating chestnut about authoritative women seeming bitchy, while authoritative men seem like strong leaders. I’ll admit that I don’t know how much of this is my own internal hang-up, but as a female boss myself, it’s sometimes in the back of my mind that I might be being perceived as “bitchy” when I take a hard line with someone, when a man doing the same thing would just be perceived as resolute and authoritative. (I can also think of a couple of occasions in the past where just being friendly and empathetic — stereotypically “feminine” traits — has led some men to take me less seriously. I don’t think that’s happened in a few years though, which might be a result of me becoming ancient and withered.)

If I have to be seen as either the bitch who gets things done or the pushover who doesn’t, I’ll take “bitch who gets things done.” It’s infuriating that it has to be a choice, of course; I doubt many men are out there worrying that they’re seen as insufficiently sweet.

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Incompetent people may have no idea

by Alison Green on November 25, 2007

A fascinating Cornell University study a few years ago found that people who are incompetent tend to dramatically overestimate their own competence, and people who truly are quite competent tend to underestimate their own performance.

This makes a certain sense: After all, if you’re incompetent, you’re inherently more likely not to be able to competently self-assess (or assess the people you’re comparing yourself to). As the researchers write, “Not only do they reach erroneous conclusions and make unfortunate choices, but their incompetence robs them of the ability to realize it.”

And if you’re competent, you tend to assume others are performing at a similar level to you (since you can’t imagine why they wouldn’t be), and plus, part of competence is being aware of your own shortcomings.

This study has interesting implications for managers. For one, it reinforces the idea that you must be explicit with employees who aren’t meeting your expectations — particularly about the severity of the problem and what the possible consequences could be. All too often, managers assume that employees surely must know they are in danger of being fired, given all the warnings and serious talks being directed their way, and so they don’t bother to spell it out … and then the employee is shocked when he or she gets fired. The manager is baffled by this surprise, since the person should have seen it coming.

I suspect that many low performers are used to hearing negative feedback from bosses and thus don’t process it as a danger sign. So managers should commit to saying the words, “I must warn you that your job is in jeopardy if you don’t improve.” Don’t assume the person should know. If they’re as incompetent as you worry they are, there’s a good chance they have no idea.

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