if you’re unhappy with a change at work, should you bring it up before you start job-searching? by Alison Green on May 11, 2023 A reader writes: My fiance, Jim, works at a successful but relatively small nonprofit. He’s the head of his department of one, and is the only person who’s ever been in his role; he was hired to start the department about two years ago and by all accounts has been very successful. About four months ago, there was an internal restructuring, and he ended up with a new boss who’s now making changes. Jim was fully remote until two months ago, when he started having to go in three days a week, which was a bit disappointing but overall fine. However, now they want to change his hours. His hours are 9-5, but he’s a morning person and on the days he works from home, he often starts work at 7 am or 8 am because it’s when he works best and he prefers to have more free time later. He does have to be “on call” functionally until 5 pm when he does that though. Most people at the org work 10 am – 6 pm, and they want him to change to match. He hates this idea. He said it might be workable on WFH days, but he’s in the office more than half the week and he’ll be miserable getting home from work at 7 pm. The day he found out about the change, he started putting together his resume and putting feelers out in his network to find out about other openings. My question is: if you feel that strongly about a change, is it worth it to bring it up before you leave to see if they’re willing to be flexible? I know there’s risk involved with that, so I guess I’m asking how you weigh risk vs reward here. Yeah, if you otherwise like the job and something changes that makes you want to leave, it often makes sense to bring it up and see if it’s fixable before you quit over it. That doesn’t usually mean saying outright, “I am going to quit if this doesn’t change.” Sometimes it might, which I’ll get to in a minute, but usually you’re better served by something like: “I appreciate the reasons you’re asking me to sync my hours with everyone else’s, but I work a lot better starting earlier in the day. Is there any room for flexibility on this?” or “X is really important to me — it’s one of the reasons I took the job initially and have happily stayed here as long as I have. Would you be open to trying __ instead?” (In some cases you could propose trying your suggestion just for a few months and seeing how it goes.) When you say something is really important to you, the subtext is already there that you might end up leaving if you don’t get it, so you don’t usually need to spell it out. But in a small number of cases, it can make sense to anyway — usually when you think that clearly stating that could change the outcome and you’re confident you can safely say it without retribution. That last part is really key, because some managers will react really badly to anything that feels like forcing their hand, and you don’t want to get pushed out earlier than you would have left on your own or sour the relationship with your boss for whatever time you remain. But there are some situations where you can safely say, “I want to be up-front that this is important enough to me that I’d likely move on if we can’t do it.” To be clear, none of this means you’re obligated to talk to your boss if you’re unhappy enough with a change to leave over it. You’re allowed to decide that you don’t feel like expending the effort or the capital. But in a job you otherwise like, it often makes sense to try. Read an update to this letter. You may also like:are you obligated to speak up when you're unhappy at work?how can I tell our boss we’ll all quit if we can't work from home?is it okay to blindside your boss when quitting? { 126 comments }
where are you now? (a call for updates) by Alison Green on May 11, 2023 It’s mid-year updates season! If you’ve had your question answered here in the past, please email me an update and let us know how your situation turned out. Did you take the advice? Did you not take the advice? What happened? How’s your situation now? (Don’t post your updates here though; email them to me.) Your update doesn’t have to be positive or big to be worth submitting. We want to hear them all, even if you don’t think yours is that interesting. And if there’s anyone you especially want to hear an update from, mention it here and I’ll reach out to those people directly. You may also like:how do I stay in touch with former managers?my coworkers want status updates -- but I don't have them because my boss is a bottleneckmy job offer got delayed because of COVID-19 -- will it ever come back? { 265 comments }
how to cope when you don’t have an assigned work space by Alison Green on May 11, 2023 It’s the Thursday “ask the readers” question. A reader writes: I have a question for your readers, if you’re willing to throw this to them. My office is starting to mandate that we come back in person (the reasons why are a whole separate can of worms), and the model we’re returning to is not the model we left. Gone are the assigned cubicles and storage space — it is now the Wild West of finding an available cubicle on your in-office days, and we are permitted to leave nothing at the office. As someone who likes, you know, comfort, this is proving to be an issue. In the Before Times, my cubicle contained my office shoes, extra cardigan, mug, tea bags, granola bars, cutlery, lip balm, hand cream, tissues, and a novel to read during lunch break. Now I have to cart anything I’m expecting to need during the day, plus my lunch and laptop, back and forth in my backpack. I’m also the only one wearing my mask, and finding that I get very dehydrated. Could I hear from people with a similar setup? I’d love any advice on how to maximize space, what I should be packing, and if there are any hydration solutions I’m overlooking. Readers? Read an update to this letter. You may also like:my coworker keeps interrupting me in person rather than emailing, despite my many requestsno one wants the office an employee died in four years agowe're being put back in cubicles even though we're more productive in private offices { 455 comments }
coworkers have infested the office with gnats, asking for documentation for dietary restrictions, and more by Alison Green on May 11, 2023 It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. My coworker mistreats employees and no one will do anything about it I’ve been working at the same company for a while now (over 5 years) and over time, I have seen a trend that does not seem like it will ever get addressed. I have a co-worker, let’s call her Kathleen, who frequently oversteps professional boundaries with colleagues, especially junior staff. She has directed them to run personal errands, calls them late at night to talk about her personal issues for hours, many times while intoxicated, and organizes social events but excludes team members, despite leadership being invited. She is also known to give harsh feedback (has yelled in the past), undercut her supervisors when they are not in the room, and reassign work that should be assigned to her. I feel like we keep rotating out her direct reports, who are mostly junior staff because she is so hard to work with. If Kathleen were a man, I think she would have been reprimanded by now for the inappropriate phone calls. Her habits are well known and many of my colleagues come to me to vent and ask why things have not changed. I think it is because our leadership has a soft spot for her. Kathleen has had a tough life. She does not have a lot of friends and this job is her world, which I think blurs the boundaries. But this is impacting the morale of a growing team! How can I bring this up to leadership in a way that could result in changes? The last time this festered, I was told to stop talking about it and that junior staff should just not answer her calls. If you brought it up and got told to stop talking about it, I’m skeptical that trying again will be any different. Maybe you could get traction if you speak up with a group of colleagues rather than on your own, but I’m not optimistic. Can you instead focus on making sure the people who work for Kathleen are supported — that they know they can ignore her late-night calls and say no to running personal errands, and are otherwise empowered to enforce appropriate boundaries with her? That’s not really enough, but it might be all that’s in your power to do. 2. Is it legal to ask for documentation for dietary restrictions? I recently traveled to a work meeting where some meals were provided. Unfortunately, there was a mixup with catering for one of the meals, and this meant that there were no options for attendees with certain dietary restrictions, including me. This was unfortunate and uncomfortable, but things happen. I bought a modest lunch with my company credit card and submitted the receipt for reimbursement, along with the meeting agenda as required. I received a message asking why I bought lunch when it was provided per the agenda because per the company policy, “If a traveler chooses to substitute an outside meal for a meal otherwise included in a conference registration, the outside meal is considered a non-reimbursable personal expense.” I acknowledged that yes, lunch was included with the agenda, but unfortunately, none of the lunch options accommodated my dietary restrictions. The lunch that was delivered was meat sandwiches and I cannot eat gluten and do not eat red meat. I noted that there was a mix-up with catering and included the message of apology that I received from the hosting organization. When I was told that did not constitute an exception and I would need to pay for the meal, I sent a message to the business office indicating that I understood that there was a question about my purchasing of my lunch and noting that my purchase of the lunch was not a choice. I could not eat the lunch provided because none of the options accommodated my dietary restrictions so, in essence, a meal was not provided. Initially I received this reply: “Thank you for your explanation on why you purchased lunch on [date] when the meeting agenda stated that lunch was already included. [Department] will approve the expense report with the purchase lunch included.” But then, I received this follow-up message: “Could you please provide a copy of your medically documented gluten intolerance?” A colleague who also attended the meeting ran into the same issue because they are vegetarian. Once they shared that the lunch didn’t offer vegetarian options, their travel expense was processed without request for further documentation. Never mind the different processes for different employees, is it legal to ask an employee to provide documentation for dietary restrictions in this or other circumstances? Employers can legally require you to provide documentation to establish that you need a medical accommodation … but it’s ridiculous to bother asking for it in a situation like this. The accommodation wasn’t onerous, and they’re probably spending more in staff time questioning it than what your lunch cost and they’re doing that at the expense of your good will. Plus, as your vegetarian coworker’s experience demonstrates, not all dietary restrictions are medical in nature (which is undoubtedly why she wasn’t asked for documentation). Read an update to this letter. 3. My coworkers’ plants have infested the office with gnats I need help navigating an annoying topic with coworkers who I truly do get along with but don’t seem to see the problem I do. Several of my coworkers have adorned their offices and the common spaces between with plants. So. Many. Plants. And while I am happy they are flexing their green thumb, some of these plants have come along with a gnat infestation. I am swatting away gnats all day and I don’t even have plants in my office. We’ve all commented and complained about the matter but I’m the only one who has brought in fly paper and other remedies in an attempt to kill the little suckers off, no one else seems to care enough to try. And I’m the only one without any plants in the office. I’m sick of spending my time and money on other peoples’ plants. Please help before I really do go gnats. You’ve got to talk to whoever has some authority to fix this — whether it’s by putting some money into gnat eradication or telling people to take their plants home or some other solution I haven’t thought of. Right now you’re relying on sort of cajoling people into fixing it on their own, and it’s not working; you need someone with authority to step in (which I suspect is likely to mean a plant ban, but who knows). So: office manager? Facilities person? Whoever has authority over your physical space, go to them and say this: “We have a gnat infestation because of the plants people have brought in. I am swatting away gnats all day, despite bringing in fly paper and XYZ. Help!” Read an update to this letter. 4. My old boss was horrible … right? Last year, I had a job I hated. I was a personal assistant, and I worked exclusively for my boss. I was 25, and my industry has a culture of demanding bosses and assistants. Not only did I not gel with my boss, I wasn’t great at the work. However, the pay was good, so I committed to getting better. My boss even said that he’d seen improvement a few weeks before this fustercluck. Then, over the course of a weekend, I learned that my mother had cancer, my grandmother was dying, and I had Covid. (For the record: my mother recovered, my grandmother held on, and my Covid was mild.) I didn’t handle it well, and my performance suffered, but I thought I was holding together. Then my boss called and screamed at me for falling behind, asking why I was failing. I’ll admit that I could’ve handled things better — I was very emotional — but once he had me crying, I blurted out that my mother had cancer. My boss grudgingly agreed to “back off,” but said that I should have told him about my mom’s diagnosis first thing (?). I felt violated, because I’d had personal information bullied out of me, but what could I do? No way I’d be punished for worrying about a parent with cancer, right? Wrong! A week later, I had another surprise call, where my boss and HR put me on a PIP out of nowhere. The PIP gave me three months, and considering that I already wasn’t the best assistant, I took it as a nudge to find something else. I kept quiet and started job-hunting, because there’s no way I’d be punished for a job hunt I was all but told to start, right? Wrong again! Two months into my PIP, my boss called and confronted me about “interviewing around.” Apparently, one of his industry connections (I refuse to use the word “friend,” because this man has none) recognized me as an applicant. I was shocked, especially since he was acting like I’d betrayed him — he kept asking if I “seriously thought I could get away with this.” I replied that I was under the impression my PIP was a soft exit, and he seemed flabbergasted and said it was not, and that I was “betraying all the hard work he put into me.” I decided to resign, since it was clear I had no future with this man. I stayed for a month, lied at my exit interview, and got spectacularly drunk to celebrate my last day. (To my ex-boss’ credit, he did give me a good recommendation. Faint praise award?) Now that I’m in a normal work environment, this is bananapants, right? Even back then, I thought my boss’ actions were unprofessional. Now that I have more distance (and a normal boss), it feels downright abusive. Expecting a subordinate to disclose a family member’s health issues, abruptly putting them on a PIP a week after you literally screamed it out of them, and then accusing them of betraying your trust when they take the a hint and job-hunt — that’s bananapants verging on banana-tuxedo, right? Yes, I kind of already know the answer! But I’m still dealing with PTSD from working under that man, and I’m selfishly seeking vindication from someone other than my (in remission, thank god) mother. Verdict: bright yellow bananapants with a jaunty banana hat. You perfectly identified all the problems: (a) screaming at you, (b) saying you should have told him about your mom’s diagnosis first thing (what? no), (c) accusing you of betraying his trust by leaving, and (d) being shocked that you were job-searching when you’d been warned your job was in jeopardy. Bananas all around. 5. Am I getting bad advice from my campus career center? I am about to graduate and enter the workforce, so I’ve been diving into your cover letter category and using the advice there to help me craft a letter to apply for my first ever “real” job. I found the advice and examples given to be very helpful in writing a personable letter that highlights my experiences. However, when I took my cover letter draft to my college’s career planning service, I received some very different advice. I was told to use only business-formal language and to follow a template. I was also told to add in 2-3 “skills-based” paragraphs with a topic sentence (an example I was quoted reads, “I possess strong communication and collaboration skills”) and to end each paragraph with directly relating the skill back to the job. The career planning person advised ending the letter with “I would welcome the opportunity to discuss my interests and skills further in an interview” because “Remember to ask for what you want — an interview!” I am a bit confused, as the end result felt stiffer and much more formulaic, and to me resembled more of the “before” cover letter examples on this site than the “after” letters that resulted in jobs. Is this bad cover letter advice? I know my cover letter isn’t perfect; I just want to follow the right advice to make it better. I am extremely new to the workforce and have never written a cover letter before, so my only experience with them comes from meeting the career planning advisor and from reading the examples on this site. I’ve attached the template I was told to use, as well as the cover letter that I brought to the meeting and wrote using the advice on this site. A sentence I have unfortunately typed many times: ignore your campus career center. Some of them are good, but a lot of them give terrible advice and yours appears to be one of those. The cover letter you sent me was really good — better than most! Their advice to you would significantly weaken it. The strongest cover letters are conversational, not stiffly formal (at least in most industries; lawyers seem to hate contractions). There’s nothing wrong with using a template, but you don’t have to adhere to a specific template if your letter works just fine without one. There’s also nothing terribly wrong with ending a letter by saying you’d welcome an interview; that’s a pretty standard, generic thing to say and it’s not a problem that they suggest it … but you don’t have to, and it does seem like they’re nitpicking you based on the belief that you must follow their (very generic, bland, and unexciting) template rather than on any ability to evaluate your letter as a whole. You might find it interesting to ask the person advising you there what their background is; you’re highly, highly likely to discover they don’t have any significant experience hiring people (some career centers are even staffed by current undergrads with almost no work history). You may also like:my coworker is always dieting -- do we have to accommodate her?everyone in my office works while they're on vacationmy boss says we can't call out sick any sooner than 2 hours before our shift { 516 comments }
how bad is it to accept an offer and then back out for another? by Alison Green on May 10, 2023 A reader writes: I am about to finish grad school and am job-hunting. I have interviewed with a company for Job A, and feel like I may get an offer in the next week. Although I am interviewing now, I would not start this job for several months due to my grad school courses, something Job A knows about. I am also interviewing soon for Job B, which is with the federal government. I applied for this job last year, well before Job A was on the radar. Job B would be my dream job — higher starting pay than most positions in my field, ironclad stability, and on an incredible team in a great agency. However, the federal government is notoriously slow to make its offers, so it is unlikely I’d have even a verbal or tentative offer in hand from Job B before an offer and its window to accept from Job A has come and gone. The job market is also incredibly tough in my field and region, and so I’m worried these two jobs could be my only prospects for the next few months. How bad would it be if I were to accept an offer from Job A, and then sometime between now and my start date back out because of an offer from Job B? On the one hand, you’ve given advice in the past that backing out of an offer after you’ve accepted is bad form, and I am in a field where people from these two employers know one another. On the other hand, Job B has been in motion for a while, and there’s not really anything I or anyone can do to speed it up. Additionally, it’s been a while since you’ve written about this topic, and in 2023, I think we all have a different idea of what we owe our employers and potential employers than we did 5-10 years ago, especially after seeing how companies have treated their employees during Covid and layoffs. As far as I can find, I’ve always said you can back out of a job offer if you decide it’s in your best interests to do that — you just have to accept that you might be burning the bridge with that employer. I’d state it a lot more strongly now though, and that’s because both the world has changed and I have: these are business decisions and you get to make the decisions that are best for you. And people back out of offers. They take another job they like better, or they decide not to leave their current job after all, or they decide they’re not willing to move, or all sorts of other things. You do need to accept that you might be burning the bridge with the employer, but that just means they might not be willing to offer you another job in the future, not that they’ll be badmouthing you all over town. (At least they won’t if they’re reasonably functional — and if they’re not, that’s all the more reason not to go work for them.) On their side of things, employers also back out of offers. They do layoffs and oops, your position is one that was cut even though you haven’t started yet and even though you’ve already quit your old job. They have hiring freezes. They reorg and the job you were supposed to start is gone. It’s not super common but it happens. These are business relationships, and everyone is acting in their own best interests. Employers get to, and you get to too. You shouldn’t do it cavalierly, obviously, but you never need to sacrifice your best interests to an employer. You may also like:can I change my mind after accepting a job offer?my job offer was rescinded -- after I already quit my old jobemployer rescinded my job offer -- where did I go wrong? { 124 comments }
professionalism: a round-up by Alison Green on May 10, 2023 A reader writes: I was hoping you could come up with a list of your blog posts related to professionalism and job soft skills that I could use to train new employees. A lot of our staff members are new graduates or haven’t worked in offices before and making “soft skills” part of their onboarding training would help set them up for success and reduce my headaches. Sure! Here’s a round-up of past posts about various aspects of professionalism. general advice on professionalism what does it mean to be professional? do you have to control your emotions to be professional? how do I learn what is and isn’t okay at professional jobs? can I ask my manager to coach me on being more professional? you won’t find these 7 skills on a job description — but you need them getting your professional tone right what your tone should sound like in tricky work conversations my manager told me to be less sarcastic at work, but I don’t want to how can I keep my temper at work? what you say is there a professional way to call BS? how should you decide which battles to pick at work? how to disagree with your boss how to say no to your boss (it’s a podcast; here the transcript) how to tell coworkers “you need to do that yourself” taking criticism gracefully how to talk so your boss will listen how can I handle interruptions when I’m concentrating? how can I say “I don’t know” without saying “I don’t know”? what you do will my taste in office supplies seem weird or unprofessional? is sitting on a couch for video calls unprofessional? is it unprofessional to put your feet up on your desk? can I use dark humor at work? is it unprofessional to write notes on my hands? are emoticons unprofessional? when is it okay to address someone I don’t know well by their first name in an email? what you wear are people judging me for looking scruffy at work? is it unprofessional not to wear a bra to work? do women have to wear makeup to look professional? is it unprofessional to wear the same clothing item twice in a work week? some amusement you, being unprofessional more reading the entire “work habits” section of the archives You may also like:my boss said my posture is too casual for the officemy younger coworker keeps making ageist comments to mean acquaintance blabbed when I sent him a confidential email ... and now I might become his boss { 46 comments }
I was asked to be “friendlier” when giving feedback about serious safety issues by Alison Green on May 10, 2023 A reader writes: I’m (she/her) a physician working in an academic teaching clinic (outside of the U.S. in case that’s relevant). One of the medical residents I work with, let’s call him Dwight, has some major performance issues and really struggles with responding to feedback. He’s on informal remediation with a learning plan and a coach, and I’m not currently in a position where I’m making decisions about the outcome of that, but I do regularly need to give him feedback and document it. I’m struggling with how to respond in the moment when he reacts negatively to feedback. I don’t think the issue is my delivery. I’ve had people observe me to give feedback on how I give feedback, and for the past several months I have tried not to be alone when giving him serious feedback. I’m calm and kind, but I don’t soften things unnecessarily. I’ll say things like, “I know you thought llama pox wasn’t a possibility for that patient because llama pox is very rare, but they did have tiny llamas growing out of their face, which is classic llama pox. It’s unlikely that anxiety, which was your diagnosis, would cause that. And this is important for us to discuss because llama pox is fatal without treatment.” A couple of days ago, when I was giving him that kind of feedback, he told me wants me to be “friendlier” when I talk to him. I said I wasn’t trying to be unfriendly but that it is my job to give him feedback and these issues are serious and could kill someone. He said he wishes I would frame it as “friendly advice that he can consider” rather than “telling him what to do.” I had no idea how to respond to that other than to reiterate that this was a serious concern and it wasn’t optional to address it. Do you have any suggestions for how to respond in the moment when I’m having to give him feedback on serious safety issues and he takes issue with my tone or me not being friendly enough? Right, he’s jeopardizing people’s health and lives but let’s center his feelings about hearing that uncomfortable fact. Assuming you are in fact simply being direct — and not, for instance, calling him names — it’s wildly inappropriate for him to respond to serious feedback by asking you to be friendlier. And I’d be really, really interested to know if he’s made this request of any men, or if it’s only women who he thinks he can ask to stop speaking so directly about his mistakes. (Spoiler: it’s almost certainly only women.) The response you gave him — that the mistake was serious and addressing it isn’t optional — was perfect. If he brings it up again, you might try saying, “I’m concerned that that’s where you’re focusing, rather than on the very serious mistakes I’ve been bringing to your attention. This is not ‘advice that you can consider’; my feedback in situations like this are directives that you must follow if you’re going to be successful in this program.” More importantly, though, loop in whoever manages him right away. It’s important that they hear about this conversation, because it bodes really badly for Dwight’s ability to meet the program’s goals. Frankly, I’d argue that whoever’s in charge should already be concluding that; “major performance issues and really struggles with responding to feedback” tells you all you need to know in a job where the stakes are this high. I know that’s not your call — but make sure the person making that call has all the same info you do. Dwight should not be a doctor. You may also like:my employee asked me not to give him any feedbackmy employee is combative and rude -- how could I have prevented this?my employee disagrees with my evaluation of his performance { 700 comments }
how widespread is remote work, boss is upset that my employee didn’t say good morning, and more by Alison Green on May 10, 2023 It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go… 1. How widespread is remote work, really? I work in higher ed, and sometimes I feel like I’m living a completely different work reality than everyone around me. We have had a flex work policy in place since the early pandemic, and I’ve been allowed to carve out one WFH day per week (but many colleagues are two, three, or four days at home). However, our leadership recently announced an expectation of four days in-office, with an eventual full, five-day-per-week return in January 2024. I get that a lot of what we do is on-ground support of students, faculty, researchers, etc., and some folks have never been able to take advantage of a remote work schedule. I also do believe that a lot of critical collaboration takes place in person, even though I suspect that the management/productivity issues they cite existed long before Covid and will exist long after. But there are a lot of us who really, really appreciate a day or two at home. Additionally, lots of positions since 2020 were hired with the expectation of hybrid or flex work, and that’s now changing for them. People are mad, and those with options are quitting over this. With the exception of critical on-ground positions, everyone else in my life — from high-level federal government positions to attorneys to job-alikes at other universities — have exponentially more flexibility than I do. It seems like 95% of the readers who write in to AAM are fully or partially remote. I sometimes feel like I’m living in an alternate universe from everyone I know. Is my leadership just completely out of touch? Is this fine? If it’s this important to me, should I look for a new job even though I love my work, my colleagues, and my students? Is my perception accurate that nearly every org that can is remaining flex/remote? Or am I looking for something that isn’t as universal as it seems? No, lots of people are mostly or entirely on-site! It’s definitely not the case that 95% of letters here are from people who are fully or partially remote. And a lot of companies are backpedaling on remote arrangements that they made during the pandemic — in some cases to the point of requiring people to come in even if they had previously approved them to move far away. Not all employers, of course; a lot of companies have found that remote works really well for them, or that they need to offer it to be competitive. Some version of remote work is clearly here to stay for a lot of people — but there’s a ton of variety out there. Here is some reporting for you from the New York Times and CNBC. If remote work is important to you, you’ve got to weigh that against how much you like everything else about your job (as well as how easy it is to find in your particular field since, from what I can see, higher education has had a pretty strong push to bring people back). 2. My boss is upset that my employee didn’t say good morning to him My boss approached me and said he had a problem with my employee not saying good morning to him this past week. I thought this was petty and wanted to get another opinion. I’d want to know more about the context. If your boss said hello and the employee ignored him … well, my first thought wouldn’t be intentional rudeness, but rather that the employee didn’t hear him or was absorbed in something else. Is there a reason your boss is assuming rudeness (like a pattern of other rude behavior)? If so, yeah, that’s something you need to talk to your employee about. But otherwise … some times people are distracted and it’s not a big deal. Does your boss have a pattern of taking stuff like this personally? If your boss is bothered that your employee didn’t say anything first … your boss is being weird and petty. Lots of people are just in their own heads in the morning (or throughout the day, for that matter) and may not even realize someone is expecting an acknowledgement. Or they assume the other person is concentrating on work and doesn’t want their focus broken (often because that’s how they would feel if the roles were reversed). If that’s what’s going on and your boss isn’t one to listen to reason, your best bet is to diplomatically explain to your employee that it’s something your boss expects. That doesn’t mean it’s reasonable, but it’s a kindness to let them know if there’s an easy way to avoid pissing off their boss’s boss. 3. How to explain why I’m leaving my horrible state I work for a public institution of higher education in a very red state, and our governor is staging a multi-part hostile takeover and reorganization of the state university system. I’ve never liked living here, I came here for the job, and now the job is going down the tubes. Obviously I am applying for other employment. How explicit can I be when potential employers ask me why I want to leave my current job? Presumably I can’t say, “The governor is a nasty hypocritical megalomaniac and I need to get out of here,” but could I say, “I’m uncomfortable continuing to live in this state and do this job” or should I really offer some soft-pedal alternative like “I’m looking forward to being closer to friends and family”? On the one hand, I don’t want to make assumptions about anyone’s politics being the same as mine; on the other hand, chances are that most people who look at my resumé will know immediately why I want to leave, and I don’t want to come across as disingenuous or dishonest. More than they care about why you’re leaving your old state, employers really want to know why you’re interested in moving to the new one. Focus on that! “I’m planning a move to New Haven to be closer to family” is enough on its own, without adding “and also I need to escape this hellhole.” People may draw their own conclusions about what additional reasons you may have, but it’s not going to seem dishonest not to provide a full accounting of what went into your decision. What they really care about with relocating candidates is whether you’re going to be happy in their area and stick around, or whether you’re going to hate it after a few months and want to move back. So if you can demonstrate that you know and love their area, or have family there, or some other factor that makes your move seem like a safe bet for them, you should have this covered. 4. Should I warn a new hire that her dating profile mentions weed? I work in a public sector that drug tests. It’s very clear that drug use is grounds for termination, and previous drug use is part of the background check. I haven’t met our newest hire, but a friend saw her on a dating app and sent me a screen shot — she has where she works listed and that she smokes weed. I don’t think she’s currently smoking weed because there was a drug screening when she was hired, but it’s not a good look to have it posted where anyone could see and report it to our boss. Personally, I don’t think smoking in off hours affects job performance and we live somewhere it’s legal, but I don’t want her to get in trouble or derail her career before it starts. Should I say something to her, or pretend I never saw it and hope she figures it out? Something else? I’d leave it alone since this is someone you don’t know. As much as she might appreciate the warning, “my friend saw you on a dating app and sent me this screenshot” is a lot of involvement when you’re strangers. (Also, someone whose new job drug-tests them upon hire should be able to figure this out on her own, and I’m not super optimistic about her judgment if she hasn’t.) 5. Graciously responding to a rejection over the phone I’ve read your articles about how it’s better to reject candidates by email rather than by phone, and I think they’re pretty spot-on. Like many of your readers, I don’t like this particular practice. I would rather just read an email and then grieve the rejection privately, instead of enduring the dread and humiliation of multiple “we’re going with other candidates” phone calls! Unfortunately, I work for an employer that rejects candidates by phone. I know this because I have been on the receiving end of these calls after applying for some internal positions. It’s disappointing, but I respect their right to select whatever candidate best fits their needs. As an entry-level employee who’s been at this company for only a year, I don’t feel I have the standing to push back against the practice of phone rejections. (But if you think I do, let me know!) And I’m not expecting my employer to change its ways anytime soon. But I’m not ready to give up on internal positions or leave the company, either. So what I want to know is, what is the best way to graciously accept a rejection over the phone, when you’re placed in a position to do so on the spot? Part of me doesn’t even want to pick up the phone next time, but I’m wondering if there’s a better response. Since you know they do this, you have the advantage of being able to be prepared and not taken quite as off-guard as you would be otherwise. That means you can have your response prepared in advance and just say it like a script: “I’m disappointed, but thank you for letting me know. Is there any feedback you can share about how I could be a stronger candidate next time?” You may also like:should we give extra sick days to employees who can't work from home?do I need to keep covering a remote employee's work?what's the point of making me work from the office to "collaborate" if no one else is here? { 598 comments }
how do I manage a bad employee who I can’t fire? by Alison Green on May 9, 2023 A reader writes: For the past 1.5 years, I’ve worked in health care in a very rural area where it is hard to recruit (this is more related to the rurality than to salaries and benefits; salary could be higher but is mid-range, and benefits are good to very good). Due to our service/population, in-person care is important, so I can’t hire remote providers. I’m the clinical supervisor for several providers, including Grover (they/them), who has been in their position for 10 years and has a very serious issue with documentation timeliness. At its worst when I started, Grover was 300+ notes behind. This is a big billing issue (we can’t bill until a note is completed) and can also quickly become a clinical issue (e.g., if Grover hasn’t completed their last three notes for a patient and something urgent arises, another provider would be in the dark about what’s been going on). Grover and I discuss/set goals for their progress every single week in our standing meeting. Grover does not minimize this issue, but instead is struggling with (self-disclosed) ADHD and anxiety, and then procrastination related to both. They have made progress at various times: the year before I started, this included eliminating the backlog while on a PIP before backsliding. For the last month, however, they have kept their backlog at around 50 notes. Grover isn’t on a PIP right now, but I have made clear that two weeks of annual leave for a trip this July won’t be approved if they still have a backlog then. Here’s my issue: I don’t think I would fire Grover in our current circumstances. This was the issue with the old PIP: it was enough motivation for them to reduce the backlog, but not permanently, because we are so short-staffed. Grover provides good clinical care to our very underserved population (although not as good care as care that is appropriately documented!), and I know from an opening we have from another clinician’s retirement that Grover’s position could be open for a year or more. In that time, people’s health will suffer due to lack of access, and that’s not catastrophic thinking on my part. I think Grover will work through the current 50-something backlog, and I don’t think they would take leave that hadn’t been approved, but I still find myself wondering. Do I have options I’m not thinking of? Can Grover’s salary be withheld for failure to complete an essential component of their work? I am working on the recruiting/staffing issues so that no one is “unfireable,” but those fixes are slow, and this situation leads me to be hesitant to hire anyone I’m not extremely enthusiastic about, because the last thing the clinic needs is another person I’d be hesitant to fire. The options available to you aren’t great ones. You can’t legally withhold part of someone’s salary for not completing their work (especially since I’m guessing Grover is exempt, which means you can’t dock pay at all except in very narrowly defined circumstances). If firing is off the table, all you can really do is micromanage the hell out of Grover to ensure their documentation gets done. For example, rather than just telling them to eliminate their backlog, can you require them to complete a minimum of X notes per day, which you spot-check? Have them spend the last hour of every day in your office, working on notes in your presence? Tell them to notify you each morning of how many notes they plan to complete that day, and report on their progress at the end of the day? If you’re thinking this sounds horrible for both of you … it really does. But it might be the only way the work reliably gets done — and more reliably than tying it to Grover’s vacation in July, since they might continue to procrastinate until then and then throw up their hands and accept they can’t take the vacation, which would still leave you with the backlog unsolved. You could also ask Grover what to do. You could say, “I don’t want to fire you, but this isn’t acceptable and nothing we’ve tried so far has worked. What do you think will help?” Or, “I want you to take a week and think about specific systems and practices we can put in place that will help solve this; when we meet next week, please come with at least two ideas.” (For example, what if Grover had 10 minutes scheduled after each appointment ends to use to immediately write up notes? That might affect how many patients they can see in a day … but would that trade-off be worth it if it solved the problem? You’d need to monitor it pretty closely to make sure they were really using the extra time that way; if they’re not, there’s no point.) It might even be interesting to ask, “If you were in my shoes, what would you do?” or “If you could put any policy in place to help fix this, what would it be?” But yeah. In general I strongly discourage managers from feeling like they “can’t” fire an employee because you can’t manage effectively with no accountability — and after all, Grover could quit tomorrow and presumably you’d move forward somehow — but it sounds like you’re making the calculation that Grover doing 80% of the job is better than no one doing any of the job. I would lean really, really hard into working on those recruitment/staffing issues though. You may also like:about medical practices that can't pay enough to keep their employees...I negotiated salary for the first time -- and it worked!is "we have a great culture" an attempt to disguise low pay and weak benefits? { 412 comments }
my coworker is pushing me to hire her daughter by Alison Green on May 9, 2023 A reader writes: I am hiring for an entry-level position. The daughter of our front desk manager applied for the position. Her resume was great, but her cover letter had two words misspelled, including in the company name. The position requires proofreading and careful data entry. I emailed her to let her know that she had great potential, but was not right for this position. Her mom just emailed me: “Would it be possible to reconsider her for an interview? I think that if you are willing to give her an interview, she will be a good candidate. I know if you ask other staff, they would say the same thing. [Other staff member] actually forwarded the job announcement and [another staff member] came over to suggest I let my daughter know about the job. I hope that you will give her another chance.” I had many applications for this position and I really cannot interview an applicant who I know I will not hire. I also want to try to maintain a cordial relationship with the front desk and all these other staff members who apparently love her daughter. I answer this question — and three others — over at Inc. today, where I’m revisiting letters that have been buried in the archives here from years ago (and sometimes updating/expanding my answers to them). You can read it here. Other questions I’m answering there today include: My employee gives me constant unnecessary status updates How can I get feedback on my management from an employee before I leave? How should I follow up on an introduction? You may also like:can I ask my coworkers why they didn’t hire my daughter?an entry-level candidate with no job history wants more money for their "experience"will it hurt me to apply for multiple jobs at the same company? { 65 comments }