Ask a Manager

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Employee made a racist comment to her office-mate

I work in a fairly small office. We have about 12-15 people in the office. Recently, our company hired two new CSR’s. “Anne” is white and in her late fifties/early sixties. “Leah” is Black and probably in her thirties.

Anne and Leah share an office and were getting along great. You could hear chatter and laughter throughout the day coming from their office. Then yesterday, Anne made a comment to Leah about “those colored folk.” Leah told her that was inappropriate and offensive. Anne immediately got defensive and claimed that she didn’t say anything hateful.

I heard their direct manager make the comment to someone else in the office that Anne is from an era where that kind of talk was acceptable. This is raising alarm bells for me. Also, Leah is currently the only Black employee we have.

I feel like this is being mishandled. They are talking about separating them to keep the peace. What do you think should be done in this situation? I don’t manage these people, but I’m curious what your take would be.

If Anne is in her late 50s or early 60s, she’s not from an era where that phrase was acceptable. But even if she were, it doesn’t matter; she’s had decades to catch up with the times. Moreover, not only was her language not acceptable, but neither was her reaction when Leah let her know that. The right response was, “I didn’t realize, thank you for telling me, I apologize.”

As for what should be done, someone in authority needs to talk to Anne and explain that. I don’t believe in making adults apologize, but someone should have the sort of conversation with Anne that makes her want to apologize of her own volition. From there, wait and see how things go. Meanwhile, someone should also check in with Leah and see how she is and whether she’d prefer to have a different office-mate at this point.

Read an update to this letter. 

2. I’ve heard my senior coworkers think I earn too much

I work a job that is often considered entry-level in my field (think paralegal or medical scribe), but most of the folks on my team are quite seasoned and have been doing it for a decade-plus because we enjoy the work and have never been in a financial situation to afford additional degrees.

I am quite close with some of the junior professionals in our office, and I often hear from them that two of the high-up professionals who I’m often assigned to assist, Sasha and Erin, have a lot of disdain for our team and spend a lot of time badmouthing us at work lunches. They complain about how uneducated and unqualified we are and how easy our work is compared to theirs — that we are lazy and “basically do nothing all day.” One comment I heard that they made at a recent work lunch really ground my gears, though: They complained that we are overpaid. Specifically, they said our work “is basically intern work” and so we should “be paid like interns.”

Since hearing this, I haven’t been able to get this comment out of my head whenever I have to assist Sasha and Erin (who are, of course, perfectly nice to my face). Clearly Sasha and Erin don’t know this, but I make minimum wage, as does pretty much everyone who holds our position: We could not legally make less than we do. Fortunately we are not in a high cost of living area so the money is not a problem, but I still feel so angry working with these two people who have this opinion about me (and who certainly make way, way more than I do).

Is this comment, which I heard secondhand, a reasonable justification for me to ask not to have to assist Sasha and Erin anymore? If not, any suggestions for how to cope with this frustration?

Hearing that secondhand is not enough justification to ask not to assist Sasha and Erin.

It’s possible Sasha and Erin didn’t even say those things, or didn’t say them about you, or that the people passing it along to you are pursuing their own agenda in some way. In fact, in your shoes I’d be concerned about why the colleagues telling you about it are telling you about it so often; it’s one thing to give you a heads-up, but hearing it from them often sounds like they’re trying to stir the pot, and I’d be wary of that — and would consider telling them to stop (“I’d rather not hear this; I need to work with them and it’s easier if I’m not hearing a steady stream of this stuff”).

Focus on how Sasha and Erin actually treat you.

3. My employee works long hours even though I’ve told her to stop

I am a manager of a small department, where I have one full-time employee and one part-time employee who I share with another department.

My part-time employee has horrible work-life balance. She will not stop answering emails from home or when she is on PTO. She will come into work when she is sick or on work-from-home days. She is non-exempt and I know she’s not tracking this time.

I have forced her to turn off notifications before she leaves for the weekend. I have had conversations about it being okay for people to wait, or that it is hurting the rest of the department when we do not reply after-hours and people get mad. Despite her complaining about the workload, she will not take steps to help herself.

Despite being on the same page with me, the other manager seems content to tell her to work less and leave it at that. Ideally, I don’t want to escalate this to HR — she would fail the PIP or hide her actions, which would be worse. She is a wonderful person and I hold her in high regard. There may be nothing I can do, and I definitely to not want her fired. Do you have any other suggestions for ways I might be able to encourage her to sign off and stay off?

Because she’s non-exempt, you’re required by federal law to ensure that she’s not working during her off hours or that she’s paid when she does (including time and a half if she’s ever over 40 hours in a week). Legally, you don’t have the option of just encouraging her to set boundaries; legally you need to require it.

Sit down with her and let her know that your past conversations about not working in her off hours are no longer suggestions; they’re requirements of her job. Explain that she’s opening the company to legal liability by not reporting those hours, that you personally could get in trouble for allowing it, and that effective immediately it cannot happen — and if you see it’s continuing to, you’ll need to treat it as a disciplinary issue. Ask if she foresees any problems sticking to that; if she does, you want her to raise it now so that can get worked out.

From there, you need to enforce it. If you can’t do that on your own, then you do need to alert HR; again, this is a legal liability for the company, and it’s a big deal that you’re not letting them know. (In fact, you should loop them in regardless, because it sounds like your company owes your employee for unpaid hours.) You mentioned you’re worried the employee would fail a PIP, but this isn’t PIP territory; it’s a clear warning, maybe two, and that’s it. If you really think she’d ignore a clear, unambiguous warning about federal law, I think you’ve got to revisit the regard you’re holding her in.

Related:
my staff keeps working unauthorized overtime even though I told them to stop

4. Is it unprofessional to raise issues with your coworkers?

Over the last month, our team has had some major and minor changes to management, policy, and procedures. These changes have varied in inconvenience for the team, ranging from an extra few minutes to major team staffing changes with no previous notice.

I brought up in a team chat that it is concerning for these changes to be made with no real chance to voice our opinions, and was told that I was being “unprofessional.” This is my second time in the same month receiving the “unprofessional” feedback for voicing concerns. A coworker told me that I should save my opinions for 1:1s with my manager.

Previous to this job, I worked on a close team where we were encouraged to discuss team issues in a team setting. So now I am wondering if my previous team got me used to an unprofessional norm. Is it “unprofessional” to discuss concerns with your fellow employees? I’ve been proud to be a resource that some of my fellow employees have come to regarding topics such as wage disparity, benefits, and how to address issues with management, but maybe I’ve been giving bad advice based on unusual job experience.

I’m now waiting for my next 1:1 to get some additional feedback on how to increase my professionalism, but thought I would get some feedback from a neutral third party whose advice has served me well.

It’s not unprofessional to raise issues that affect your team within that team.

It can be problematic if you’re aggressive to the point of rudeness about the way you do it, or if you keep pushing when it’s clear the conversation needs to move on, or when it’s more venting than action-oriented. Even in those situations, though, it’s not necessarily unprofessional; it might be more impolitic than unprofessional. And sometimes issues need to be raised even when it’s impolitic, and sometimes “rude” really means “you’re making people uncomfortable, but you’re not wrong.”

Of course, you need to read the room. If the culture of your team or organization is that dissent is frowned upon … well, it still wouldn’t be unprofessional to raise issues, but you’d want to include that in your calculus so you can decide how much capital you’re willing to spend. (Also, that would be the sign of a tremendously unhealthy organization. Good managers want to hear about issues affecting their teams.)

But I’m curious who’s telling you that you were unprofessional. It sounds like at least once it was a coworker. Was it ever your manager? If you’re hearing it from multiple sources, there’s still important info here — either about your approach or about your team’s culture — but I’d consider the source(s).

Also: under federal law, you have the legal right to discuss wages and working conditions with coworkers. It can be to your employer’s advantage to make you feel weird about doing that. So factor that in too.

5. Asking for a raise based on a job title you don’t officially have

Asking a question on behalf of a friend, who I am encouraging to ask for a raise.

The friend joined a company two years ago as a temp with very little experience, and was hired full-time onto a newsletter marketing team. It turns out that even though the company is big and important in its field, the software and workflows for sending out the newsletters are counterintuitive, annoying, and really out of date.

My friend was so bored and annoyed that they taught themself how to code and automated the most annoying tasks. Now, they’re currently spending most of their time working with their manager and the web team to code programs and extensions to make their systems work better, which has already improved a lot of the process.

However, their title is still something like “newsletter assistant,” even though the work they’re doing now is much closer to “software developer.” Can they ask for a raise that references the market rate for a software developer, or would it be better to just list their achievements, even if they fall far outside their job description?

They should ask for a raise and a title change, framing it as “I was brought on to do X, but my role has become Y, and I’d like my title and salary to reflect the work I’m doing.”

That said, “software developer” might not be the appropriate title or pay rate; it sounds like their work has a fairly narrow focus that doesn’t necessarily match up with the way “software developer” is normally used, and if that’s the case, asking to be paid for that job’s market rate will come across as out-of-touch. But there’s a case for some sort of title change and raise.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Is it unprofessional to show chest hair at work?

I’m an admin at a large university in the midwest. I wear collared shirts every day, and given the recent heatwave, I unbuttoned an extra button to try to be a bit more comfortable in our stuffy office.

My boss (who is an oddball on several fronts) told me that it was inappropriate for me to do so because it exposed a little bit of chest hair. She said it would be fine if I shaved my chest or wore an undershirt, but “body hair should never be visible in the workplace.” There’s nothing about body hair or chest hair in our dress code, just a note that people’s appearances should be “neat and well-kempt.”

So far, I’ve just sucked it up and kept my shirts buttoned all the way, but is the “no chest hair” rule a norm?

I should note that my dress shirts are not see-through at all and that I dress on the more formal side of business casual while most of my coworkers are in jeans.

“Body hair should never be visible in the workplace” is not a rule. Your boss made that up. If that were true, men with hairy arms could never roll up their sleeves. (Or for that matter, anyone with an average amount of arm hair.) I suspect what your boss means is “chest hair feels out of place at work in a way that arm hair doesn’t” which … okay, I can see that. It’s one reason a lot of men wear undershirts. But it’s not a rule and she’s being overly rigid.

That said, when you say you unbuttoned an extra button, how many unbuttoned buttons is that? (Try to say that out loud five times fast; you cannot!) One unbuttoned button should be fine. Two without an undershirt might be pushing it for your particular office and your particular chest.

(For the record, all these conventions are BS! But they exist nonetheless.)

Related:
Hairy legs at work

2. My struggling new hire takes long lunches and leaves early

I am a first time manager with one direct report, Jared. Jared has been with the company for two months but I’m noticing that he will often take a really long lunch and leave early. I feel I should say something to him but I’m not sure if this will seem a bit rigid.

The problem is that, as a junior, he is still very much in training and I feel it’s better that we have as much face-to-face contact as possible. He is (self-admittedly) a visual learner.

In addition, he typically starts earlier than I do (7am) and I don’t arrive until 8am. But the last two weeks, I’ve noticed that he is never online at 7am and seems to only log on closer to 8am. But he still leaves early like he would if he had arrived on time. I suspect he thinks I don’t notice because I arrive after he does. How can I address these issues?

For context, his performance is not good and I have already discussed this with him. My boss has been kept in the loop but he is not a very active manager and isn’t really interested in resolving anything. Unfortunately I don’t have the power to fire him.

Just name what you want him to do differently and be direct and matter-of-fact about it: “Our expectation is that you’ll work a full eight-hour day, so if you’re arriving at 7, that means you’d stay until 4 if you’re taking an hour lunch. Lunch is a maximum of an hour unless you make special arrangements. It’s fine to start at 7 if you’d like to, but I do need to see you logged in then.” Also, given that he’s struggling and may need more time with you to learn (or just need more supervision, frankly), would you rather he start at 8? If so, it’s fine to tell him you want that (or at least to ask if it’s possible), or even to say, “I noticed you’ve been logging in closer to 8 and while we’re working to get your performance up to speed, let’s formalize your schedule as 8-5 so you and I overlap more.”

This isn’t excessively rigid; it’s a normal expectation that people will work a full work day — in any situation, but especially when they’re new and struggling. Address it now, because the longer you let it go on, the more he’ll think it’s okay.

3. My wife doesn’t want me to hire a woman

I run a small business and am about to make a significant hire. This new employee will work very closely with me, although will be located in another state. My wife is adamantly against this being a woman. I have three applicants left, and the two who are most qualified are female. What should I do?

Hire the most qualified applicant and seek marriage counseling with your wife because there’s a lack of trust in your relationship that’s going to cause problems in other ways too (and likely already has).

You can also point out to your wife that it’s illegal to make hiring decisions based on gender.

4. Facebook comments from job-seekers

We recently posted a job ad on our Facebook for a part-time position. We got one comment that was a plain and simple, “What are the hours?” A message asked the same question so that they know before they “bother” applying.

This is a desk shift with a rotating schedule, based on the weekend rotation and others’ availability, so we don’t have set hours for it right now. The job posting itself says that it includes day, evening, and the occasional Saturday.

My coworkers and I have been discussing both the wording of these questions and the fact that they’re on our Facebook page. It feels a bit like they’re forgetting that Facebook questions are still reviewed and answered by an actual person who might have hiring power over this position.

Personally, I feel that even if they are asking over Facebook, they should ask the question with a similar level of courtesy as they would if they emailed the hiring manager directly. Some people feel that they shouldn’t ask the question at all, and should save it for the interview, since many of these types of part-time jobs operate in the same way. Others don’t feel there’s any harm in asking at all, even over Facebook. Most agree that a message is more appropriate than a comment, though. What’s your take?

I suppose you could argue that a message is more appropriate than a Facebook comment — but if you’re posting the job on Facebook, it’s not inappropriate for people to respond there. It might be ineffective (a lot of companies aren’t that active in their comments) but it’s not inherently inappropriate. Either way, though, Facebook is an inherently casual medium, so it’s not surprising that the interactions have a more casual feel to them.

But I don’t agree with your coworkers who think candidates should save the question about hours for the interview. They may end up needing to save it for the interview because a lot of employers don’t answer that kind of query beforehand, but it’s reasonable for people to want to know about the hours before investing time in applying. The fact that they’re asking is a sign that your company should be including that info in the ad up-front so that people who aren’t interested in that type of scheduling can opt out. (Why waste your time or theirs in an interview if that’s going to be a deal-breaker?)

5. Should I tell an old boss why I was falling asleep at work?

In my first job out of grad school, I fell asleep at my desk twice. Both times were accidental. Once a coworker saw me, and the other time a client noticed and reported it to my supervisor. My supervisor handled it really well. He called me into his office and said what amounted to, “You are an adult, falling asleep at work is not acceptable, figure out how to get enough rest so you are awake during work hours.” His boss, however, sought me out to give me a real dressing-down, telling me that what I did was “inexcusable” and I was a disgrace to the company. This was humiliating, as you can imagine, and left me with a strong dislike for this manager.

A few months later, I transferred to a different division. I was still struggling with staying awake but did manage to stay awake most of the time. It was so bad that I built extra time into my daily commute to get to work safely, just in case I needed to stop and stretch to stay awake or stop for a 20-minute nap. I was legitimately trying to stay awake and just couldn’t. I finally spoke to my doctor about this and received a diagnosis and treatment (more than a year after my supervisor had spoken to me).

I’ve always wondered if I should have gone back to my supervisor (we stayed on friendly terms when I transferred) and explained that I had received a medical diagnosis and the excessive tiredness had been a symptom. I really had been trying to stay awake but it really was something I couldn’t have helped at the time.

You didn’t need to, but there could be benefit to it. Something like “I wanted to let you know that I figured out the cause of the sleep issues I struggled with while we worked together; turns out it was a medical issue that I’ve treated and it’s now fully under control” might put it in context for your old boss and made it a non-issue in his head. Knowing it was a medical issue that’s been resolved could make him much less likely to include it his thinking if he’s ever asked to comment on your work for him. That said, if he was only aware of it happening once, it might be a non-issue anyway — although I wonder whether he might have noticed you struggling to stay engaged other times too.

Again, there’s no need to say anything, but in your shoes I’d probably like the peace of mind of closing the loop on what had been happening.

Relatedly, there’s a longer discussion coming later today on the benefits of just saying a thing that will give you peace of mind!