Ask a Manager

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. When I broke my ankle, my mom called my boss’s boss

I broke my ankle pretty severely earlier this year (three bones and a dislocation). I was out of it to the point that I didn’t feel in pain; I was cracking jokes with the ambulance workers and my lawnmower guy (who thankfully happened to arrive just after I fell, as I didn’t have my phone on me at the time). My mum left her job early to come and see how I was and then called my company’s CEO (who is also my boss’ boss) to say that I wouldn’t be in for a while because of the accident.

I have to admit I lost it at her a bit after finding out because I feel that it was extremely unprofessional that she called the CEO on my behalf. My mother’s opinion was that I was in no state to call myself (possibly true, but I wasn’t working until the next day so had time to become more coherent and functional – the accident happened mid-morning) and the CEO wouldn’t mind (also ended up being true, but not the point). I know it worked out in my particular situation, but I’m curious as to — in a general situation — would you think that this is okay or should I have made the call myself?

If you were expected at work that day (or if your mom thought you were), it’s reasonable that she called on your behalf. You describe yourself as out of it; that’s a point where it’s okay for someone else to alert your employer that you won’t be in because of a medical emergency.

The thing that makes it an overstep is that you weren’t working that day and thus your employer didn’t need an immediate notification. Your mom could have just left it to you to handle however you wanted once you were more capable of doing it (or could have asked you later that day if you wanted her to, or assessed for herself later that day whether you’d be able to field it with reasonable lucidity or not).

That said, I wouldn’t call it “extremely unprofessional.” It was unnecessary and a bit too much mom-ing from your mom, but it’s not the sort of thing that you should worry an employer would judge. (That said, if your mom has a pattern of overstepping and not respecting your agency as an adult, I can see why you’d be more pissed off.)

Related:
when you’re sick, can you have someone else call your office on your behalf?

2. I’m drowning in informational interview requests

I am drowning in informational interview requests. I’m filled with dread when I think about opening LinkedIn and seeing the next batch of them. My job sounds cooler than it actually is (biotech venture capital), and I’ve also worked in pharma business development and have a PhD. As a result, I get requests from anyone touching this background: students looking to learn what biotech VC is, graduating PhDs or MDs seeking advice on how to break into the field, people a few years into biotech careers looking to make a switch, advice for how to get a job in pharma.

I turn down requests where I can come up with a clear reason why (for example, someone coming from undergrad or from an MBA, I recommend they reach out to someone with a more similar background). But otherwise, I feel like a jerk saying I’m too busy to talk! Many people donated their time when I reached out for interviews, and I want to pay it forward. I also always feel a bit bad taking the call knowing they want me to give them some secret to getting the job of their dreams, but the reality is, I was lucky and I don’t have any secrets.

Are there any ways to make this more manageable? Could I host something like “office hours” for an hour each month and invite anyone who wants to join to drop in on Zoom? I’d be super grateful for any advice you could provide on how to maintain my sanity while continuing to support young folks in their careers.

Well, first, you’re allowed to say no just because you’re too busy. I get that you want to pay back the help you were given, which is great, but that doesn’t mean you need to turn your life over to it or do it when it will be a strain. During times when you’re particularly busy, or where the thought of doing it makes you internally groan, it’s fine to say, “I’m in a particularly busy period for me and unfortunately I’m having to be be disciplined about not adding anything else on my calendar.”

You can also decide you’ll do these calls one week a month (or whatever frequency works for you; it’s fine it it’s less than that) and that you’ll say yes to the first three people who want to book for that time period.

You also absolutely can do something like your “office hours” idea and say, “I hold a monthly Zoom for anyone who wants to drop in to talk about this stuff. Here’s the info for this month.” I actually love that idea; you’ll get it all out of the way in one call per month, and people will learn from each other’s questions. It will also help weed out the people whose sole motivation is “maybe I’ll magically come out of this conversation with a job.” In fact, I worked with an organization that got so many prospective job candidates asking for one-on-one conversations before applying that we set up a monthly drop-in call exactly like this. It gave us somewhere to funnel the many incoming requests, made the time commitment more manageable, and allowed us to say “yes” in a way that worked for our calendars.

3. Different teams are held to different standards

I have been promoted to a senior role, which means that I now do some supervisory work across multiple teams. Each team is headed by a senior manager. Doing this has made me aware that the standards that are considered acceptable by the different managers are wildly different: on one team, higher quality workers are put down and their work isn’t considered good enough so they end up being micromanaged, while worse workers from the other teams are deemed fine and are allowed to act without supervision. To me this seems fundamentally wrong. I don’t expect every team leader to act identically, but it feels like wrong to keep saying one team’s work is not good enough when far worse quality work is routine for the other team.

I have quite a fixed view of right and wrong and am struggling to accept this approach to the point that I don’t know if I can continue at the firm, but maybe this is normal, acceptable behavior and I’d encounter it at any firm? When I have raised the point, the main comment I get back is that I shouldn’t compare others people’s work and look for errors, but part of my job requires that I see the work and I can’t help but notice the major errors being missed in one team, while even work that is fine is still having to be checked in the other.

It’s fairly common for different managers to hold their teams to different standards. Sometimes the differences are minor (but can still grate to those on the teams in the question) and sometimes they’re more significant. Ideally organizations should set a culture of high performance across the board — without being unrealistically demanding — and should hire and manage managers through that lens, but a lot of organizations aren’t well-managed enough to do that. So what you’re seeing isn’t necessarily that uncommon, although that depends on the extent of the differences (how bad the worse work is, and how unrealistic the expectations on the higher-performing team).

Whether or not you have standing to do anything about it is a different question. It’s possible your job is one that does give you standing — particularly if the work from the weaker team isn’t at the standard needed, but also if the better team is being managed in a way you can see is unsustainable (since that will mean burn-out and turnover). It’s also possible that your job doesn’t give you that standing; it depends entirely on the nature of your role, the outcomes you’re charged with meeting, how much seniority and influence you have in your organization, and how the internal politics work there.

4. Removing the dates of your work history on your resume

My wife has been job hunting for six months without an offer, and we’re open to trying just about anything to get her resume through the initial screening process. She has written it, re-written it, paid other people to rewrite it, and asked multiple HR professionals for their feedback during resume reviews at job fairs. She has gotten some good advice, and she has gotten some that sounds very strange.

Just today, an HR professional told her that she should refrain from including anything like dates of employment on her resume, and instead list her tenure there, rounded to the year. For context, she has spent her time since the beginning of the pandemic working remotely for startup tech companies, and this has led to a little more company-hopping than she’d like. They said that instead of writing, for instance, “May 2020-Feb 2022,” she should write “two years” without including the actual months or years. This person’s argument was also that it makes it easier to rearrange your roles according to what fits the position you’re applying for best, rather than showing any chronological information.

This feels like a dicey gamble to me, and runs counter to just about everything I’ve ever heard about resume writing. It certainly won’t work for any website that requires employment date information in your application profile. In my experience, resumes tend to be a very conservative medium, but maybe things are changing! Before I dismiss this particular piece of advice, is this something you’ve run across before?

She absolutely should not do this. It will look like she’s trying to hide something and has no familiarity with how resumes work, and 99% of employers will toss the resume rather than trying to parse it out. She’d have to be a staggeringly extraordinary candidate for most hiring managers to keep looking after seeing a resume written that way (and if she’s not getting bites after six months of a resume with normal dates, she’s definitely not going to get bites after weakening the way she presents). It’s truly terrible advice.

Employers want to know how recent your job experience is, and they want you to adhere to basic resume conventions like, you know, years so that piecing together your work history isn’t a mystery project.

5. How do I give notice at a job I’m passionate about?

I took my current job a year ago. I was hired to build a program and, while we have made excellent progress, I would say the program is about 60% built out.

I wasn’t looking for other opportunities, but I have been headhunted by a company I’m familiar with in the same industry. The role would be less high-profile but would suit my skills, pay more, and offer more opportunity for advancement. I am still in the interview process but I feel I’m going to be offered the job. And I’m so stressed about how to tell my boss if in fact I need to give notice.

My reasons for wanting to leave have much less to do with the core work of my role, which I am passionate about, and more about surrounding circumstances (like lack of support for our work, lack of structure and process because my current company is small, and the isolation of working on a small team without other senior people to bond with). The role I’m interviewing for will solve these things — bigger company, established in the work, more folks at my level. Plus it will pay a lot more.

If I am offered the role, how do I tell my boss? I really enjoy working with her and remain passionate about the work we are doing. I know making the move is the right one for me, but I can’t help feeling like I’m letting down the folks who hired me. If this opportunity had come in six or eight more months, I might not feel so bad. But it’s only been a year and this was definitely a passion project for me.

“This fell in my lap — I wasn’t looking but they approached me and it’s too good an offer to pass up.” If you want, you can add, “I’ve loved working with you and I’m passionate about the project, but I can’t turn this down.”

That’s it! That’s the truth of it (although frankly you could say it even if it wasn’t), and this is normal thing to happen. Other opportunities come along, and some of them will be better for you than whatever you’re doing currently.

I think you’re looking at leaving as somehow being a sign that you don’t care about the project as much as they might believe. But none of that is in play; you get to leave work you like and managers you like if something else comes along that’s better suited to you.

And it’s not like you’re not leaving after two months. You’re leaving after a year, because someone made an offer that you can’t responsibly refuse. It’s fine.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Should you cite sources on a resume?

I’m in a required class for my university this semester about “learning to communicate in the workplace and the classroom.” (This is a university aimed at working adults. I’m in my 30s with a full-time job and a prior degree, so this required course feels a bit condescending to me right off the bat. I’m wondering if that’s coloring my view of this assignment.)

One of our first assignments is to create a resume using a suggested template, find an interesting job listing, and upload both to ChatGPT or Google Gemini for suggestions about how to tailor the resume to that specific job listing. Then, we’re supposed to write an essay about which suggestions we would accept and the ethics of using AI for resume help. The list of questions the essay should address includes, “Would you need to cite the tool? Why or why not?”

Am I wrong to think that that is an inherently silly question? I wouldn’t cite ChatGPT on my resume the same way I wouldn’t cite advice from a mentor, the university’s career, or my parents. Are people citing sources on their resumes? Is this a thing?

It’s not a thing! You do not cite sources on a resume. (What you would even cite most of the time? “Source: my W2’s 2019-2022”?)

Colleges really, really need to stop doling out resume advice because it never seems to be based on anything about how resumes actually work.

2. Pumping at work: how comfortable is too comfortable?

I am a manager in a government office where I specifically supervise a team of 4-6 people, but also occasionally supervise others on a case-by-case basis. I do not have the power to fire anyone, but I do performance evaluations for the people on my team and, realistically, if I pushed for someone to be fired, my boss would probably give it serious consideration. I am returning to work after maternity leave with my second child and, since my baby is breastfeeding, I will be pumping several times a day.

I am very fortunate to have an office of my own, an incredibly supportive boss, and a generally parent-friendly office culture, so I am not facing any of the usual problems a lot of breastfeeding people have to contend with.

My question is about how my pumping might affect others, specifically the people I supervise or am otherwise senior to. When I did this the first time, I thought nothing of saying, “I have to go pump now,” or “Let’s meet at 2:30 because I have to pump first.” I have a little sign I hang on my door while I’m pumping that says “Pumping, Do Not Disturb.” I kept my pump in my office and sometimes had my freshly cleaned pumping paraphernalia sitting on a table behind my desk to dry. I even, on a couple of occasions, pumped (whilst wearing a huge, tent-like drape, of course) during meetings in my office with one of my female supervisees who had volunteered (not in response to a question or suggestion from me) that she had no problem with my pumping while she was there. I also pumped during a meeting with my own supervisor who had also volunteered that she was fine with it. I was very comfortable with the whole thing.

But since then, I have been giving it some more thought and now I wonder, was I too comfortable? Should I not be referring to it so directly and make more of an effort to keep the equipment out of sight? Because, obviously, just because I am comfortable with people knowing that I am pumping, that doesn’t mean they are. Should I forgo pumping during meetings with people whom I supervise, even if they are the ones who suggest it? I am particularly concerned about this last because I think a woman is far more likely to make that suggestion than a man — indeed, I would be very surprised if any of the men I work with ever did anything of the kind — and I definitely don’t want anyone to feel they have less access to my time because of their gender.

I never got the feeling last time that anyone was uncomfortable with the way I handled it, but I realize that, given my position as a manager, people would not necessarily feel like they could express discomfort if they felt it (though I hope they would). What are your thoughts?

References to pumping and a sign on your door about pumping: Fine. Normal. If someone has a problem with that, that’s a them issue. You’re just being matter-of-fact when the info is relevant.

Having pumping equipment visible in your office: Also fine. Adults should be able to handle that.

Pumping during meetings: This is where I get warier. You’re right that you’re setting up a gendered system where the women you manage get that access while the men don’t (and where maybe some women could feel pressured to say they’re fine with it because others are), and I’d not do it for that reason.

3. Cover letter red flag or forgivable flub?

I posted a job for a public-facing position at a nonprofit. Less than an hour after the ad went live, I got an application from someone who seems like a great fit for the job, except that the cover letter he sent was addressed to a different organization with a glaring typo in that organization’s name. If not for the wrong addressee, the letter would be fine.

I’m curious for your thoughts on both sides of this. From my end, this seems like a big red flag for someone who will be doing written and in-person communication with our community. It also implies an impulsiveness that makes me hesitant. Okay, great, you’re excited about the job, but maybe put a little more time into the application? On the other side, although I’ve never made this mistake, I’ve made similarly mortifying email mistakes and I do feel for the applicant.

Is there a best practice in this circumstance, besides just writing it off as, I guess I’m not getting that job!? As the hiring manager, if this person came back immediately with an apology, I would be more inclined to do an interview, though I would set the bar higher than I would otherwise. As it stands, this person is unlikely to get on my interview list.

Eh, if he’d otherwise be a strong candidate, I wouldn’t let this be a deal-breaker. Pay attention for other signs of problems with attention to detail, yes, but I’m increasingly skeptical of ruling candidates out at the initial screen because they didn’t put more time into their application. It’s not reasonable to expect candidates to invest significant time into initial applications when so often they won’t hear anything back at all. Mistakes further along in the process can be a bigger problem — but I can’t get that worked up about a mistake at the application stage (particularly mistakes in the typo neighborhood; I’d care more about a factual error or, for a writing-heavy job, a weird tone).

You asked about best practices for the candidate. I wouldn’t advise writing back to an employer correcting a simple typo; that’s excessive. On the other hand, if it’s the name of the organization, probably. Keep it brief and light — “My apologies, I realize you are in fact the Groats Association of Nebraska, not the Toast Tipplers of Michigan!”

4. Celebrating a milestone months later

I work on a team that doesn’t really have team celebrations as part of its culture, I think because our executive doesn’t care to spend money they don’t “have to,” but I’d like to change that.

A few months ago, I approached my boss about taking a working team out to a modest lunch to celebrate a successful launch. It was a group of six, including me. I’d even be open to taking them to the on-campus cafeteria if that’s all we have the budget and social capital for. I’ve been told my boss has been waiting for an answer from their boss since then. It’s been three months. Personally, I think the timeliness has passed and it might foster some resentment and thoughts of “Why did it take this long to celebrate this launch? Are we not worth celebrating when the milestone actually happens?” (The morale on the team overall isn’t great, hence why I’ve been trying to inject some positivity and recognition.) On the other hand, some might say a late celebration is better than none at all. I’ve already thanked the working team profusely for a successful delivery, shared the accomplishment with our group’s executive, and done everything I can do without any budget to work with.

Should I just tell my boss to forget about it since it’s been so long, or is it still worth waiting on an answer that may never come? Before anyone asks, gift cards are a touchy subject and a bit verboten due to the tax implications and potentially being seen by finance as a form of compensation, no matter how small the value.

Yeah, it’s going to seem strangely belated at this point — unless there’s another milestone to tie it to (“it just got kudos in an industry magazine”) or another logical way to explain the timing (“now that Frank is back from leave”). In theory you could do it at the end of the year (“looking back at the year, this was a major accomplishment”). But eh, I think you’re probably better off talking to your boss about having a small budget for this kind of recognition generally, which would be approved ahead of time so that you can pull from it as needed without waiting months for a yes.

That said, the fact that your boss has (allegedly) been waiting months for approval for something so small probably says that either she hasn’t pushed it much or it’s just not something they’re ever going to do.

5. Are thank-you cards from an intern too much?

I have a dilemma on how I want to say thank you in leaving the company I’ve been an intern at for the last three summers. The atmosphere here is fun, laidback, and friendly yet professional. I’ve made a handful of close relationships with my coworkers/mentors during my time here and since I am graduating this winter I won’t be back to intern next summer, so a handshake and a “goodbye” seems insufficient this time.

As a person who has a hard time expressing deeper feelings on the fly, I thought that writing short thank-you cards to the handful of people who impacted me most during my time here would be fitting. Is this inappropriate to do as an intern? I want to be able to give individual thanks to my manager and mentors during my time here without going over the top. I’ve been very thankful for all they’ve taught me during my time here, and hope to continue some of the friendships I’ve formed here after my completion. Naturally I go around on my last day saying goodbye to the staff, it’s just this time it’s more permanent and I want to let them know that a positive impact was left on me.

Do it! Assuming you’re going to include specifics about why you appreciated working with them (not just sign your name on a thank-you card), this is by far the most meaningful goodbye gift anyone can give. Most people love receiving this kind of note; many of us keep them for years, and it will solidify the good will people already have toward you. 100% do it!

It’s four answers to four questions. Here we go…

1. Employee won’t do part of his job

I work for a small gym franchise as a manager. Our model is 24-hour access for our members. The staff is not there 24 hours.

Because of complaints we are receiving, I have asked all personal trainers to return towels to the laundry area if they see them overflowing. It’s a 20-second task.

Consistently one particular trainer will not do this task. Towels will be overflowing on to the floor before the office staff arrives. He arrives before the office staff. This is causing serious conflict between the office staff and him. He is the only trainer pushing back. This is mandatory.

I have a meeting with him today. I just don’t know how much more I can take with him. There have been other issues before this. He is very passive, complains a lot, and has a sense of entitlement. For example, we pay a flat fee for trainers to perform a 30-minute class. He demanded we pay him per participant. He refused to take on the class after we said no. He said he wasn’t making enough money, so we offered for him to work in the office and clean the gym on Sundays. He has declined almost every offer. When said, “I thought you needed extra money and there are six shifts you can work this week,” his response was that he feels like he is getting used (?).

Is he a good trainer? If so, it probably doesn’t make sense to lose him over the towels. But it sounds like there’s more going on than just towels.

To answer what you’re asking: you can’t make him do something he doesn’t want to do. You can only decide how committed you are to enforcing the requirement, even if it means you might lose him or others. If you decide it’s an essential requirement of the job, to the point that you’re willing to lose people over it, then you need to explain that and let him decide if he wants to continue working there under those terms or not.

The same thing goes for things like what classes pay and offering extra shifts; you just need to explain what’s on offer and under what terms, and then he can decide if he wants to take you up on that or not. Your role isn’t to cajole him into seeing things that way you do; your role is just to be very clear about what you can and can’t offer, and what’s required to remain in the job. His role is to decide if he’s up for that or not. If he’s not — based on either word or deed — then the next step is to ask (either yourself or him, or both) whether it would make sense to part ways.

2. Employee asked me not to call an ambulance if they had a seizure

I’ve had two new hires over the past seven years tell me that they have epilepsy. Great, thanks for telling me, what should I look out for in terms of warning signs, anything particular that you might do at work that could trigger them that we need to change, etc.? Both employees, about a year apart from each other, told me that whatever I do, I should not call an ambulance if they have a seizure.

I know that even with health insurance, ambulance rides can be expensive since you never know if the ambulance is in-network with your health insurance company. And I understand that generally if you see a doctor after a seizure, you are told that you cannot drive for X months, which is an incredible hardship.

Still, I felt supremely uncomfortable with this request. Ultimately, I agreed to use my best judgment if the need should arise, despite their protests. Thankfully I never had to find out what I’d do, and since then, both employees have moved on.

What’s the right answer here, both as an employer and human worried about another human, and as an employer worried about potential legalities and ramifications?

There are two sides of this. First, individual people with epilepsy know their conditions best, and they may know that there’s nothing the ER can do for them except in more severe situations. That’s often the case! If this comes up again, ask under what circumstances you should call (for example, one common set of guidelines is to only go to the ER if the seizure lasts more than five minutes or there’s a head injury).

The other side is the company’s legal liability; you’d need to loop in HR so they’re aware of what’s been requested and what you’re agreeing to — because at that point you’re acting as an agent of the company, not a private individual. Whenever you have a situation where an employee asks for something related to a medical condition that you’re uncertain about, that’s a flag that it’s probably over your pay grade to navigate on your own.

3. My coworker jokes about suicide

Two months ago I started a new job and really bonded with a coworker we’ll call Mel. Mel and I really get along, and I like her a lot.

The problem is Mel is rather negative — she constantly talks about how she doesn’t want to be doing work or doesn’t want to be here. I know we all feel that way, but she complains frequently. That I can deal with and kind of brush off, especially because I know she does truly like it here, she (like most of us) would just rather be spending her time doing what she wants to do instead of working a 9-5. However, what’s really getting to me is her constant jokes about how she wants to kill herself. The smallest hiccup at work will prompt a response of, “Well, guess I’ll just go off myself,” and she will often mime either hanging herself or shooting herself.

I know she isn’t seriously making suicide threats, she’s just expressing how much she dislikes something that’s happened during the day. However, I have a history of suicidal ideation, and I find it very disturbing to be confronted with these comments multiple times a day.

If I brought this to the attention of the firm partners, I assume they would say something to Mel, but I think it would be very obvious I was the one who complained since I’m new and no one has ever said anything before. From reading your columns, I know your first step is usually to speak to the coworker myself. I was hoping for some pointers about what to say.

Some options:

“Please don’t joke about suicide. You never know if someone around you has been affected by it.”

“Could you please not make that joke? I find it really upsetting.”

“Suicide is a hard topic for a lot of people. I’d be grateful if you didn’t joke about it around me.”

“That’s not a thing to joke about. Please stop saying things like that.”

4. Interviewing when they already know they want to hire someone else

I recently applied for a great role and had two interviews. There is a third round which involves a task.

At the end of the second interview, I asked about the circumstances of the role becoming available, and after a pause they said that someone is already doing the job but is on a temporary contract, and to become permanent HR required them to advertise the role externally. That person is going through the same interview process, but to me it sounds very likely that they just want them to stay and are going through the motions with me and other candidates. After all, they have already been doing the job for a year, so could give much better answers about their ability to perform the role.

I feel quite put out as I’ve spent a lot of time preparing for a role that isn’t even vacant. I wouldn’t have applied if I’d known up-front. Am I justified in feeling my time has been wasted, or is this just normal business practice? I’m wondering whether or not to let their HR team know that this bothered me.

You are justified in feeling annoyed that your time has been wasted and it’s a normal business practice.

A lot of organizations have internal policies requiring them to advertise every position before hiring, even if they’ve already identified someone who’s likely to get the job. The idea is supposed to be to ensure they’re hiring the best person for the job (and also to avoid cronyism), but when the hiring manager complies only with the letter of the policy, not its spirit, it wastes everyone’s time, and it actively subverts the point of having the policy in the first place. Some employers include language in their ads like “a preferred candidate has been identified” so people at least know what’s up before they apply, but others don’t.

That said, even when an employer already has a candidate in mind, sometimes a really good external candidate can still win out. And it’s not always true that a temporary fill-in will always get the job (as we saw earlier this week). But in this particular case, if you’re right that they were just going through motions, they should have been more transparent from the start so you could decide whether you cared to invest your time that way or not.