update: my boss and coworkers are constantly at my house

by Alison Green on March 13, 2023

Remember the letter-writer whose boss and coworkers were constantly at her house — storing equipment there, holding meetings there, and even stopping by to use her bathroom? Here’s the update.

First off, I want to thank you and the commenters for the advice. I hadn’t realized how ridiculous my situation had become, probably because small-town life has a way of making strange relationship dynamics seem normal. I sent the letter just before you went on Christmas vacation so there was about 3-4 weeks of time before getting your advice. Turns out I did most of the things the way you would have done, which was reassuring!

Before my letter was published, high-speed internet came to my boss’s neighborhood. He connected to it right away and stopped using my house for Zoom meetings without me saying anything.

Also before my letter was published I told my boss a white lie that I was doing renovations and couldn’t store the equipment for him (turns out this is what you advised me to do!). He replied that he’d put it in the company storage unit which he’d rented and forgotten to tell me about. It took some prodding to get him to follow through, but my house and garage are now free of company equipment.

After reading your excellent advice, my coworker texted to say she’d be coming over for a meeting. I used your script and said that my house was no longer a central hub for the company and that we’d meet elsewhere. She replied “makes sense.”. We met at a coffee shop and there was no drama. That week she was laid off so I no longer have any issues with her and we have not talked since, which is fine with me. I feel so much lighter and happier at work and home now that I don’t have to deal with her!

I decided not to have a direct conversation with my boss about using my house for work. Much of it resolved with the new high-speed internet at his apartment and the layoff of my coworker. Since then, any time he has asked to meet I’ve suggested we meet on Zoom or at a coffee shop and he has been fine with it. He has not been in my house at all this year and I plan on him never being here again. I don’t know that he’s clued in that my house is no longer available but that’s okay. If he hires another employee I will have a direct conversation with him to ensure that my house is not available for any purpose anymore, but as yet that has not been needed.

A few things I wanted to clarify that came up in the comments. First, my boss is not malicious — he’s just clueless about boundaries. My coworker is also not malicious but just doesn’t understand basic human relationship dynamics. Second, I am not at a point where I can heavily go into a job hunt because I’m facing a medical issue and don’t have the energy to do a serious job hunt. I’ve done one interview and did not get the job and turned down two other interviews. I have started a grueling medical treatment and the thought of starting a new job during treatment makes my stomach turn.

I thought I’d leave the readers with another fun tidbit. Despite have finally rid my house of my boss and coworker, my boss’s daily walking route takes him past my house every morning. So every morning as I sip my coffee, he waves at me as he walks by.

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how can I hire good people to work in a dysfunctional organization?

by Alison Green on March 13, 2023

A reader writes:

My small organization is currently in transition. We have had significant staff turnover in the last two years, and the result has pushed the organization into a level of dysfunction that I know will drive many good quality candidates away.

However, I still have to hire people (I have two positions currently open), and I want to hire the best people possible, particularly as I think that poor hires will just make the situation worse. How, do I manage to be open about the current state of the organization without scaring people off?

Mainly the problem is that we have a key department that simply can’t function. They are late on key deadlines, they don’t complete work, and they have terrible attitudes. We are making moves to change the management, but I think it will be another year or so before those issues are successfully addressed.

We offer industry standard benefits and market rate pay, and generally we don’t have any major red flags for candidates who are interviewing. However, I don’t want to mislead candidates. But I am also very concerned that if I’m open, anyone who is a decent candidate will go running a million miles in the other direction. Any suggestions?

I answer this question over at Inc. today, where I’m revisiting letters that have been buried in the archives here from years ago (and sometimes updating/expanding my answers to them). You can read it here.

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I’m a public employee and the governor pushes religion at work

by Alison Green on March 13, 2023

A reader writes:

Unlike the bulk of your letters, I’m going to name my employer for two reasons: (1) I technically work for an elected official so it’s not a standard boss/employee relationship and (2) multiple reporters covered and recorded the behavior in question because these were public events. You can find it online everywhere.

I’m a state employee in Virginia, and I’m not appointed. Although I work at an agency, I am technically part of the executive branch, which means I work for Governor Glenn Youngkin. I am also an atheist.

I’m pretty high up in my agency, which means I work directly with Governor Youngkin’s staff a lot on public events: speeches, ribbon cuttings, announcements, meetings, etc. During his speeches, he and his wife repeatedly mention their Christian faith, and they speak as though the entire audience is Christian as well.

Here’s what bothers me. One of Governor Youngkin’s habits is to open a public event or speech with a prayer (or a minister does it), heavily reference his relationship with Jesus Christ throughout his remarks, and request us to bow our heads and say “amen.” In one instance, he said all of us at a public meeting were “created in God’s image” and I was so uncomfortable and annoyed, but I hid my frustration. I refuse to bow my head or close my eyes or clasp my hands or say “amen” on command or applaud an anecdote about the power of believing in Jesus Christ. I merely stand or sit where I am and say nothing, looking off into the distance. Several days ago, my big boss (a Youngkin appointee) noticed that I wasn’t bowing my head during the opening prayer at a public event, and he gave me a puzzled look and then an eyebrow raise. Although I’m uncomfortable, I’ve never said anything nor drawn attention to myself. I doubt anyone else in my office knows how I feel. But…

There’s another event with the governor coming up, and my big boss said he wants to talk to me beforehand. (It might not be about my lack of participation.) I’d like to be prepared if he or anyone from the administration approaches me about my lack of participation in religious offerings. (My big boss is very concerned with appearances.) What are my rights? What can they legally ask me to do? How can I politely and professionally push back? Do I have to disclose that I’m an atheist? Can they forbid me from attending these events? (If they did, that’d be a huge blow to my career.) I checked my HR policy, but I can’t find anything specific to this scenario.

The other non-Christians in my office would like this information as well.

(To be clear, I don’t think Governor Youngkin is actively trying to convert people. I think he and his staff have been around people who believe exactly like them for so long that they don’t realize that employees of other faiths and no faiths exist as well.)

Youngkin is my governor too and it’s infuriating to watch what he’s doing in our state.

I asked employment lawyer Jon Hyman of Wickens Herzer Panza, who writes the incredibly useful Ohio Employer Law Blog and is the author of The Employer Bill of Rights: A Manager’s Guide to Workplace Law, to weigh in on this. Here’s what he said:

The workplace and religion do not mix, whether the workplace is public or private. An employer cannot force its employees to conform to, follow, or practice their employer’s chosen religious practices and beliefs. Anything different violates Title VII in either a public or private workplace. Moreover, in a government workplace there are additional First Amendment concerns. A state or local government does not violate the First Amendment by starting government meetings with a prayer, as the Supreme Court held in 2014 in Town of Greece v. Galloway. Still, there is a vast difference between holding a prayer and forcing participation in it, even nominally such a bowing one’s head or otherwise appearing to be reverent. The latter is unlawful (and in this case likely unconstitutional).

What that means in your case: You cannot be required to participate in prayer. You cannot be told to bow your head or say “amen.” You must be allowed to sit quietly and not participate, as you have been doing. They also cannot forbid you from attending public events or work events if you decline to perform religious observance in the way they want.

You do not need to disclose you are an atheist. You can disclose it, if you want to! But you’re entitled to keep that private too.

I asked Jon, “If the letter-writer’s boss does confront them about why they’re not bowing their head, etc. during prayer, do you have suggested wording to push back? I know they could just bluntly say that they can’t legally be required to participate — and that may be the way to go — but assuming they’re concerned about keeping things as harmonious as possible in their working relationships and since they appear to be dealing with zealots, would you advise any particular messaging? My first thought is to say something like, ‘Oh, I don’t participate in public prayers’ … and then only if pushed, ‘Legally, we can’t require that type of participation from employees.’” Jon replied:

If asked, it certainly puts the employee in a difficult spot. I like the idea of a softer approach first, something like, “My religion and spirituality is very personal to me, and I’d prefer to keep it out of the workplace.” If pushed, the employee could always fall back to legal argument, but at that point I feel like the relationship might be damaged to the point of irreparability.

I love the “my religion and spirituality is very personal to me, and I’d prefer to keep it out of the workplace” language if you’re comfortable saying it and would have that ready to go if you need it.

Jon also offered this advice to employers:

If you’re thinking of holding a prayer meeting, conducting spiritual discussions or rituals, or doing anything else remotely related to religion at your company, don’t. Religion has no place at work. Your employees have the unfettered right to practice the religion of their choice or not to practice any religion at all, and none of it is any of anyone else’s business.

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my company interviewed a man for International Women’s Day, interviewing when I work in an adult business, and more

by Alison Green on March 13, 2023

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My company interviewed a man to celebrate International Women’s Day

My company has been around for over 100 years and is one of the big ones in Australia. To celebrate International Women’s Day (IWD) they asked a man who has been with the company for over 40 years for his opinion on how the company has changed how they’ve treated women.

It’s not necessarily a bad article, he talks about how he was one of the first people to hire a woman as a manager, how when he started women had to have their skirts measured to make sure they were not more than one inch above their knee, and how as soon as someone became pregnant they could no longer work in customer-facing roles, but I am absolutely furious that they have asked the opinion of a man before any women.

To me this piece (that they promoted as the number one thing that they did to celebrate IWD) says that they care more about pretending to do the right thing than actually doing the right thing. I don’t understand how anyone could have possible thought “What should we do to celebrate IWD?” and came up with the answer “Interview a man!” as the correct response.

I feel like I would rather have had NO update from my company to celebrate IWD than to have this article about a man’s opinion on women and no one else in my company seems to be upset or taking the same approach. Am I overreacting?

It’s pretty oblivious! I assume their thinking was that they wanted to do a historical look at how women’s place in the company had changed, and this is the one person who’d been there long enough to give the kind of historical overview he did … but yeah. It’s rather stunning that they didn’t think to include women, and instead let a male voice define women’s experiences there.

If you have DEI staff, they’d be logical people to raise this to. If you don’t, you could complain to whoever runs this sort of program, or whoever’s above them. They should hear why this missed.

2. Interviewing when I make adult-oriented leather goods and work with a Leather Pride organization

I was laid off in January, so I’ve started hunting for a new position. (I work in a healthcare-adjacent field.) While writing my resume and cover letter, I’m running into a bit of a pickle. Why? I spend a lot of time running my own business, and hold a titled position on the board of a nonprofit in my area. This sounds great, until I need to elaborate. The board I’m on is part of the LGBTQ community, specifically a statewide “Leather Pride” organization. This is something that, correctly or incorrectly, would come across as risque and inappropriate for the workplace. And my business? Making adult-oriented leather goods, which would absolutely be inappropriate to share with a future employer.

These experiences have taught me a lot, and I’ve done some very good work in both places. (I’ve been on the board over five years, and run the business for over ten.) Not to mention they’re occupying a lot of my current downtime. Is there any way I can bring this information up in a cover letter or interview, and not sound like I have horrible judgement? Also, I worry that three months down the road I’ll get asked how I’ve spent my time off — I can’t be honest and say I’ve spent it making blindfolds and bondage cuffs! If I had the savings or was independently wealthy I’d turn my small business into a full time career, but unfortunately that’s not feasible at the moment.

I’ve been sitting on this letter for a while because I keep going back and forth on it. Maybe I’m being naive, but I do think you can mention that you run a leather-goods business and/or that you are a craftsperson who works with leather, or so forth. You don’t need to specify that the leather goods you make are bondage cuffs.

But even if you can’t hide the nature of what you make (for example, if the business has an obviously risqué name or they’re going to see exactly what it is if they look it up), I’m still not sure it’s such a problem. You’re working in a legal adult business; that’s legitimate work for a legitimate market. This is about business, not your own sex life.

The Leather Pride board work is a little trickier, and I think the answer to that will be really regional and field-dependent. There are some regions (especially places with big Pride events) and fields where it wouldn’t be shocking to see that on a resume. In others it would be too out of place.

But I don’t think either of these is an absolute no across the board, as long as you’re talking about them in professional terms (which of course you would be).

3. Should I be paid for the time I spend calling coworkers to find shift coverage?

I work part-time (about 10 hours a week) as a yoga instructor at a big community fitness center. This is a part-time, hourly position.

As a team, we use a scheduling app that allows instructors to request shift coverage as needed. If no one agrees to cover an open shift via the app, standard practice is for the instructor to send a group email asking for other instructors to cover the shift.

However, in the event that no one offers to pick up a shift after sending a mass email, my boss has instructed us to call each person individually to ask if they can cover an absence. Am I out of line to expect to be paid for a task like this? My list of available coworkers may be 20+ individuals and it takes a lot of time to call that many people. Not to mention fielding the follow-up calls when they inevitably don’t answer the phone and I need to leave a message. I may not be as bothered by this if I wasn’t already doing a bunch of unpaid work for this role (creating music playlists, formatting yoga sequences, attending yoga conferences, and other continuing education).

I recently consulted our employee handbook (for the entire fitness center, not just the yoga instructor team) and there was no mention of policies or procedures for finding shift coverage. Just the following language: “employees are not allowed to perform any work off the clock. The employee must be compensated for all hours in which they work.”

Do I have standing to clock-in when my boss requests that I call each coworker individually to request they cover my shift?

Ooooh, this is an interesting question because it’s an area where what’s legal and what’s commonly done are two different things. It’s incredibly common for some coverage-based employers to expect employees to do this for free. Any reasonable reading of the law would indicate that it’s work that should be paid (since it’s scheduling work you’re engaging in on behalf of an employer) — but in practice, it very often isn’t, so be prepared for your employer to balk if you raise it. In theory, the next time it comes up, you could say, “How should I record the time I spend trying to find someone to cover my shift?” or even just, “You’ll see an additional 45 minutes on my timecard for the week; that’s the time I spent calling people to cover a shift.”

If they push back, in theory you could say, “I do think we’re legally required to pay for that time since it’s work. Could we check with a lawyer or contact the state labor department, since otherwise I think we could get into legal trouble?” In practice, though, there’s real risk to doing this so you’d want to factor that in.

4. Quitting without telling people I’m founding a new company

I’m hoping for some advice on how to quit on good terms without telling my manager anything about the new (biotech) company I am starting. The fact that I’m not quitting for another job and am quitting to start a company will be very juicy news in my workplace, and I’m basically hoping to tell them as little as possible. Partly because of obvious intellectual property issues, but also because I am hoping to start it with another former employee who was both exceptional at her job and very well liked.

This company has a history of bad behavior that’s not the worst, but it’s certainly not good. I wouldn’t put it past them to try to sabotage my efforts or at least smear my name a bit. The new company will be in an adjacent but not overlapping field and I am nearly guaranteed to run into many of these people for for the foreseeable future. Any advice on how to leave gently and cordially without telling them a darn thing?

You’re fully allowed to be vague about what you’ll be doing next! Some options: you are taking some time to focus on some personal projects that you’ve been wanting to get to for some time (if asked for details, you’re “not ready to talk about it quite yet”) … you are taking some time off before deciding what’s next … you’re not ready to share publicly yet but you’ll let them know when you can … you’re going to a small start-up (true) in AdjacentField but have been asked not to share details yet.

Obviously make sure you’re familiar with whatever you’ve signed re: intellectual property, what data you can and can’t take with you, etc.

5. Should I share post-interview accomplishments with the hiring manager?

While waiting to hear back about a job I interviewed for, I’ve since had some big accomplishments at my current job, including getting a stellar performance review. Should I follow up with the hiring manager to share updates like this?

Nope, that’s not really a thing. If you already happened to be emailing them about something else, I could see mentioning something like “Since we last spoke, the space travel project we discussed in my interview has won the ExtremelyImpressiveIndustryAward” … but you’d want to reserve that for stuff that’s truly unusually impressive (a great performance review doesn’t quite hit the bar). Otherwise, though, hiring managers generally don’t want ongoing updates on what you’re doing.

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weekend open thread – March 11-12, 2023

by Alison Green on March 10, 2023

This comment section is open for any non-work-related discussion you’d like to have with other readers, by popular demand.

Here are the rules for the weekend posts.

Book recommendation of the week: All Together Now, by Matthew Norman. A terminally ill man brings his oldest friends together for a final vacation and tries to use his wealth to alter their lives.

* I make a commission if you use that Amazon link.

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it’s your Friday good news

by Alison Green on March 10, 2023

It’s your Friday good news!

1.  “I am so excited to share my own good news update with you. After twelve years in the same role, including six as PhD student, I reached burnout by the end of 2021. My job, though personally rewarding, had no opportunity for professional or financial growth and I didn’t see a clear path to my next role. I read your site daily and started applying for jobs in various fields. I got a few interviews but no offers. Then at the end of June, with a family member facing two upcoming surgeries and a dissertation proposal still in draft mode for more than two years, I turned in my notice at work.

Only with my partner’s generous support, I left my job without having a new one lined up. My boss was as relieved as I was. They knew they couldn’t get me more money, couldn’t expand the role, and most importantly, that I needed new opportunities. Like so many of the commentariat, I had to figure out who I was without the role I’d held for so long. I struggled to see my value without a paycheck, without external validation from students, coworkers, and bosses.

I then spent five months doing all the things I didn’t make or have time for when working full time– home improvement projects, caring for my family member through two surgeries, defending my dissertation proposal, and just living – at coffee shops, yarn stores, and on one hot summer afternoon in August a last-minute trip to the zoo. I also worked with a life coach and a career coach, read your site daily, and practiced my zoom interview skills (finally learning where to focus my eyeballs!).

And then after two interviews, I received an offer for a position with much more responsibility and opportunity. This position pays 30% more than my last with great benefits and a beautiful office (I am one of the rare folks who prefers to not work from home). I’ll be leading an amazing team and more importantly, using what I am learning from you, in the process.”

2.  “I wrote a question in your Friday Open Thread in January of 2021 about how to “be a team player” while still getting credit for the work I did. The responses I got were overwhelmingly that I was doing everything right and that the problem was with the culture of my work group. I really appreciated a comment that ‘a place that routinely allows your work to be credited to someone else, and what little credit you are allowed is apparently too much and should be spread to others? This is a culture that isn’t going to let you succeed.’

This motivated me to start job searching. I had felt very hopeless job-searching in the past because my industry is very niche and dependent upon specific, uncommon infrastructure (imagine if my job was being an operator at a nuclear power plant), as well as the pandemic recession, so I felt lucky when a friend passed along a job description that seemed to match my background. I quickly revamped my resume and kept in mind your words of wisdom, Alison, that hiring managers want to find and hire qualified candidates, so I should mentally approach our interaction as me (potentially) solving a problem for them, rather than me supplicating for a favor.

Long story short, they made me an offer! I was beside myself with excitement. I take the fact that I was offered the first job I applied for as a combination of luck and probably also the fact that I had been underestimating my desirability as a potential hire in my industry.

Taking this job would require a cross-country move and selling my family’s house. Having done this before, I knew how expensive and logically-demanding this could be, so I negotiated hard on the relocation package. The hiring manager was able to give me what I asked for and I chose to not negotiate as hard for salary since it was already a pay boost. Maybe I could have negotiated harder but I got what I wanted in terms of relocation, and I was just eager to get out of that awful job.

Quitting the awful job was awkward but I took your advice and held my tongue even as the various evil, complacent managers badgered me for why I was leaving. I gave vague ‘ready for the next challenge’ answers and ‘want to be closer to my parents’ for those who really pressed. My instincts told me that the organization was rotten to the core and there was no good to be had burning bridges. I took pleasure hearing from friends still at the company that my departure ‘sent shockwaves’ through the organization, and wasn’t surprised when the company killed the entire division roughly a year later (though I can’t take credit for that!).

I started the new job in May 2021. The new job is a huge improvement in quality of life, my contributions are highly respected and acknowledged, and my new manager gives me lots of opportunities to grow and expand my skillset.

Thank you to you and your commentariat for providing a sanity check and then a lifeline to recognize how much better things should be, and to get out!”

3.  “I submitted an (unpublished) question late last year about dealing with massive irrational performance review anxiety. It turns out – as I suspected – that I needn’t have worried: out of seven ratings, I got four ‘Meets expectations’ and three ‘Exceeds expectations’! I earned a sizable bonus that will be paying out by the end of January.”

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open thread – March 10-11, 2023

by Alison Green on March 10, 2023

It’s the Friday open thread!

The comment section on this post is open for discussion with other readers on any work-related questions that you want to talk about (that includes school). If you want an answer from me, emailing me is still your best bet*, but this is a chance to take your questions to other readers.

* If you submitted a question to me recently, please do not repost it here, as it may be in my queue to answer.

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my company pays my rent and they keep forgetting, talking to your boss about the Adderall shortage, and more

by Alison Green on March 10, 2023

It’s four answers to four questions. Here we go…

1. Is this a red flag from a new hire?

I’ve been the manager of an IT Help Desk for about nine months in my first managerial role. Recently, I hired on a new senior technician (let’s call him Joel) to assist and mentor my three support technicians and take some projects off of my plate.

Joel is really smart and has been a great addition to the office these past couple weeks, but he’s getting a little restless with how undeveloped some of our systems are that he has to work with. This is a known problem, my predecessor really dropped the ball at keeping the organization up to date, and we’ve been doing a lot of catch up since I got here, but we’re slowly establishing better standards and practices, and building a lot of that infrastructure.

Joel, however, is a little blunt and said to me this morning in a chat that “honestly, he doesn’t want me to think he’s abandoning us, but if a spot opens up on our related but separate system infrastructure team, he will be applying,” and expressed that he doesn’t understand why his current position couldn’t include some type of hybrid with that team already.

It can to some extent, and I told him this. We’re meeting tomorrow to discuss more. But the point of the position he’s in is to help mentor the younger technicians and to use his experience to address some of the more complex tickets they can’t handle, and I need him to focus on this. I also took this a little personally, because it was a level of bluntness I was not expecting, we’ve tried to be very open and accommodating to him, and it took months to hire someone for this role, during which time, I was doing both jobs.

Is this a red flag behavior two weeks in? Or am I overreacting?

I don’t think it’s a red flag about Joel himself, just that he’s not happy with the job so far. But that’s an important thing for you to know, so it’s good that he told you and that the two of you are scheduled to talk about it more.

It’s pretty normal for people not to know exactly what a job will be like until they’re in it, and Joel sounds like he’s realizing things about the position that he didn’t know before coming onboard (and who knows, maybe he wouldn’t have taken the job if he’d known those things earlier). You’re understandably frustrated because you spent months hiring for the job, while being overworked because of the vacancy, and now only two weeks in you’re hearing you might have to start that all over. But that’s not Joel’s fault — if the job doesn’t suit him, it’s better to figure that out now.

When you meet with him, the best thing you can do is to approach it collaboratively: here’s what I need, here’s what you need, and let’s figure out if there’s a way to get both our needs met. If there are ways to tweak the job to make it work better for him (like the hybrid idea he floated), talk about those. (One caution: you should be realistic about the fact that you might lose Joel if he concludes the job isn’t right for him, but you also shouldn’t agree to things in the interest of keeping him that would be real problems for your team — like if you really need someone doing X full-time, don’t agree to make X part-time unless you have some other plan to get the rest of X done … or unless you conclude that making X part-time really would be better than having the position vacant again for Y months.)

But don’t blame Joel for what he said. It’s bad luck when this happens, but it’s a good thing that he’s being transparent with you.

2. My company pays my rent — and they keep forgetting

I work overseas, and part of my deal is that my company helps me cover the rent in this country. It’s about a 50/50 split, and my half comes from paycheck contributions — so they withhold many hundreds of dollars from each check, combine it with their own contribution, and the finance department sends the money over to my leasing agency. They set it up this way to entice people to make the move, and it makes it easier for local landlords to accept us when we arrive.

Only twice now in the last few months, my company hasn’t paid my rent. So I’ve had to scramble to a) transfer thousands of dollars to the local currency, and then b) expense that money back so I get it refunded. Today they apologized, but they have been dodging emails asking for updates about what happened and also about how I can get reimbursed. (The last time involved a new process and a few too many steps that didn’t used to be there.)

I’m having a hard time figuring out how angry to be about this situation. It’s a gigantic global corporation. I know they’re not broke, so it’s not a cash-flow issue. It’s just that the department in charge of this HUGE PART OF MY LIFE is very bad at their jobs. I am outraged, but no one else seems to be. My immediate boss has my back, but it’s not like he can fix this broken department either.

So help me out here: this is nuts, right?

Yes. One mistake, fine — not great, but mistakes happen. But twice?! They should be treating it with urgency and figuring out how to ensure it doesn’t happen again (and how to assure you that it won’t). The fact that they’re being so passive about fixing it is more infuriating than the mistake itself.

Can your boss escalate this for you? It also sounds like you or he should stop sending emails (which are more easily ignored) and start calling — get an actual person on the phone and find out how they’re going to fix this.

One thing you might request: since this has now happened twice and has caused you major inconvenience each time — and is a breach of their agreement with you — would they be willing to pre-pay your rent for the year? Or at least a larger chunk at a time?

3. Should I let my boss know I’m struggling with ADHD because of the Adderall shortage?

I was diagnosed with ADHD in my mid-20s and have been prescribed Adderall for the past few years. While I have always been a high performer despite my ADHD, Adderall made a huge difference in my day to day ability to work more effectively.

Unfortunately, there’s a severe Adderall shortage. A few months ago, I started experiencing problems trying to get my prescription filled, but was able to call around and find it. Now, the shortage is so severe my doctor has had to switch me to an alternative medication. It’s still early, but it’s not having nearly the same effects and I’m really struggling with concentration and prioritization of tasks.

Understanding that this is (hopefully) temporary, should I bring this up to my boss? Teammates? I’m not particularly shy about sharing this type of information, but I know there is some stigma around stimulant use (and also maybe even wades into ADHD as a formal disability, which I’ve never really disclosed).

You can let your boss know the essential part of what’s going on — which is that you’re working with your doctor on getting a condition treated — without disclosing specifics. Otherwise, with ADHD and other conditions that get stigmatized, there’s too much risk that your boss will start to see everything you do through the lens of your ADHD, even if only unconsciously (for example, seeing a small mistake as a sign of ongoing disorganization when she otherwise would have given you the benefit of the doubt).

You could say this: “I want to let you know that I’m working with my doctor on a medication switch and it’s taking some experimentation, so if you notice me seeming off my usual game, that’s why. I’m actively working on it and hopeful it’ll be resolved soon.” There’s no need to disclose more than that.

4. What’s up with job postings disappearing within 24-48 hours?

I’m currently on the job hunt in a competitive, creative industry. But repeatedly, I’m running into a frustrating situation: the job posting I’m hoping to apply for disappears in 24-48 hours. What’s up with this? And why don’t most job listings mention when they will close? I follow your advice on resumes and cover letters, so even if I can prepare my application the day I see it, I often like to review everything the following day. I’ve spent probably 12 hours at this point on applications I couldn’t submit.

Sometimes it’s because they got flooded with applicants in the first day or two and only feel they need X number of people in their candidate pool, especially if they see they already have a bunch of strong people in there. I don’t think this is good hiring in most cases (you want the best person you can get, not just the best person from the first day of applications — and strong candidates who aren’t as actively looking often apply later in the process) but people do it.

Other times it’s because they already have an internal candidate they want to hire and they’re just going through the motions by posting the job (often because their internal rules require it, although this obviously isn’t in the spirit of that policy). Other times the position is pulled because something changed — they need to tweak the job description, or someone on that team just resigned and now they’re reconfiguring both positions, or they have a hiring freeze, or they’re allocating the budget somewhere else.

Job postings often don’t include deadlines because there isn’t a hard and fast one; the job will be open until it’s filled, or until there are enough strong people in the pool.

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my boss expects me to respond immediately no matter what I’m doing

by Alison Green on March 9, 2023

A reader writes:

I’m having a hard time with my direct supervisor’s expectations around response time, and I’m not sure how I should adjust or if she needs to adjust. In regards to email, she gets frustrated with our coworkers who don’t respond to her in two hours, and will call if they don’t respond in that window. She also marks emails as “high importance” so often that it’s meaningless. I try to gently remind her that general etiquette is to respond within 24 hours, and when reminded, she gives people the time to respond, which they do. Several people have expressed their frustration with her email response expectation to me.

This morning, she asked me if I was having trouble with my work-provided cell phone because I didn’t answer when she called two days ago. I was deeply focused on finishing a paragraph and planned to call her back as soon as I was finished –in less than 10 minutes. She immediately called my desk phone when I didn’t pick up my cell phone, and I answered because I thought it was an emergency. It wasn’t (she was complaining about traffic on her way to a meeting). We share an office. If we are talking through something, or a colleague stops by to chat about a project and the phone rings, she will stop everything to answer and leave everyone waiting. I find that rude to the people in the room. If I’m not in a meeting or deeply focused, I try to pick up every time someone calls. If I miss a call, I try to respond to voicemails as soon as possible that day. I was chastised for not immediately picking up when she called the other day. She will often call people multiple times if they don’t pick up and leave multiple messages in one day.

I’m not sure it’s relevant, but she has ADHD and I do not. She has a hard time focusing and jumps from project to project while I prefer to focus on one thing at a time. I think setting more reasonable response expectations will improve her relations with our colleagues, who view her as scattered and unorganized. And how do I find balance?

Can you name the issue to her directly? As in: “Is your expectation that I will always pick up immediately when you call and respond to emails immediately? If I’m focusing deeply on something, I generally let calls go to voicemail until I’m at a better stopping place. I do the same with email. I always get back to people within a day, or much faster if it’s time sensitive. But I work best when I can focus when I need to.”

And then, assuming she agrees this is reasonable: “Okay, then I’ll assume you know that if I don’t answer immediately it’s because I’m in the middle of something else, but I’ll get back to you as soon as I have a reasonable opportunity to do that.”

If she doesn’t agree that it’s reasonable, you’ve got bigger issues. If that’s the case — if she actually says that she expects you to always drop whatever you are doing to respond immediately, even if she’s just calling to complain about traffic — then how much to push back depends on what you know about her and what your relationship is like. With some bosses, the right strategy would be to just go on doing what you’ve been doing, answering her when you have time, and then if she complains, just say, “I was in the middle of X, but I’m free to talk now.” With other bosses, you might have success pushing back with something like, “I don’t think that’s feasible when I have projects that require deep focus like XYZ, and when I’ll sometimes be on other calls or in a meeting.” Choose your approach based on what you know about your boss (and maybe partly based how much energy you have for dealing with this, too).

But I don’t think you should spend energy and capital trying to improve her relations with your colleagues and how they view her. You have bigger battles to fight, and her relations with other people are hers to manage. But you absolutely have standing to talk about how you work best, and to try to hash out her responsiveness expectations for you.

One note: It’s not a universal work rule that people have 24 hours to respond to an email; that varies widely depending on the nature of the work and the nature of the email. Some messages do need to be addressed much faster than that. So you shouldn’t keep telling her that’s the rule, as she rightly might not see it that way. (That doesn’t mean the rule is what she thinks it is — to respond immediately at all times no matter what — but if you’re arguing for 24 hours in all cases, you’re probably veering too far in the other direction.)

Read an update to this letter. 

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updates: falling asleep on the job, the boss at the barbecue, and more

by Alison Green on March 9, 2023

Here are four updates from past letter-writers — including one from a letter from 10 years ago!

1. I fell asleep on the job — on my first day

Can’t believe it’s been 10 years already?! Time flies!

As far as an update goes, professionally things have been going pretty well, albeit on a different path than anticipated!

I don’t work in the field I went to school for or where the aforementioned incident happened. But probably about a month after I wrote in, I got a job working in a large retail store and stayed there in various positions for about 2 years. I left that job and I started working at a local non-profit animal shelter and eventually became the assistant supervisor for the animal care department and stayed there for 6 years. I recently moved and started over at another non-profit animal shelter and am now the foster care coordinator for my location.

In rereading my letter to you so many years later, I can still feel the pain and embarrassment young me felt. Admittedly, it is still not a story I readily share with people, especially in the workplace! But this incident definitely did not derail me professionally as I thought it would. I will say it did discourage me, just a little, from continuing in my field. I figured I would get back into it at some point, and maybe I still will, but in all honesty, I found something much better and I’m actually pretty good at it!

I thank you again for your advice and counsel then.

2. My boss showed up at my friend-group barbecue (#2 at the link; first update here)

I thought I’d share an additional update. My senior manager and department head called me on the one year anniversary of my last promotion and asked me to apply to a soon-to-be-posted manager job. I was a little hesitant as typically most people on my title spend 3-5 years and at least 2 rotations into different commodities before being successfully promoted. I reached out to some peers and people in management roles that I trusted for candid feedback and ultimately decided to throw my hat in the ring. I updated my cover letter and used your fantastic interview advice and had the best interview experience of my career. I got the job(!!) and started a month ago. I love it and am getting great and constructive feedback. I was even able to promote within my commodity and have so much support within my management team.

Funnily enough, the manager from my original letter – well, they were promoted into a new position and their partner was promoted to backfill their role. A few comments have been made about my core friend group by said partner but since our management team had a strong camaraderie, I’ve been able to focus on building a management team and separate our work relationships from my personal life. It’s just so weird that two promotions later this one random night seems to stick in their heads.

Thanks again for the advice. The commentariat was also a breath of fresh air and really helped put things in perspective. I continue to lean on ask a manager as I learn my new role and try to be the best leader for the amazing team. I have the privilege to be a part of.

3. Can I opt out of my new job’s culture of constant availability? (#3 at the link)

I’ve taken the advice and I am opting out of needing to be available constantly, and it’s fine. But I realized that part of why I was feeling weird was that I wasn’t well-integrated into the larger team or being utilized very well, and it felt like not being always around highlighted that. Some things have since happened that have made me less sidelined, and I’ve also been developing my career outside of my client work, which my employer is very enthusiastic about.

4. Rejecting an offer because of the company culture (#5 at the link)

Back in May, you gave me some advice about how to turn down ostensibly good job offers that didn’t offer the right culture fit or balance of my family’s needs. I declined both of those offers then accepted one in July that didn’t quite meet my compensation targets but everything else was really positive. I mentioned this in a Friday Good News post.

I’ve been in the role since August and my five years of imposter syndrome (after leaving the industry I spent the first decade of my career in) are all but gone. My new teammates and boss value my input, encourage me to try out-of-the-box ideas and appear to be really happy with my work.

After spending a year working with a great team doing work I absolutely hated, I’m now back to the type of day-to-day responsibilities and duties that I’m a) really good at, b) enjoy and c) able to use as professional growth.

After 18 months of searching and near-constant interviewing, and the agony of rejection over and over again, this was a nice way to end 2022. Thanks again for all the advice!

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