Ask a Manager

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past. Here are four updates from past letter-writers.

1. My coworkers complained I’m not working fast enough

A bunch of good changes have happened at my job that have impacted the problem I wrote in about a few months ago. The boss who told me folks were complaining about how I worked took a position in another department and we got a new boss who is higher on the org chart than old boss.

So far, it seems like my old boss, while nice, was a bit controlling over weird things. We now are allowed to work on anything to make up time from being sick/holidays/whatever by working on anything, whereas before if there weren’t any customer-facing tasks then you were out of luck making up your time. We also have more flexibility with our hours in general.

And the biggest update; we’re completely updating and overhauling the task that someone was complaining about and in the future won’t be working on it the same way at all. I feel like if someone did complain to her, they are no longer feeling like things are overly rigid. And if it was her way to say she had a problem with it, well it isn’t her problem anymore. I still like her as a person but I’m starting to see that her management style wasn’t as good as I thought it was. Maybe in the past the role needed more supervision but I think it outgrew that need and she didn’t outgrow wanting to hover. The team I’m on does great and our new boss is happy with our performance.

Also; the task that was being worked on lived in Google Sheets. It was a list of links to the company website to look at customer summitted data, and then we were to make a determination on if we wanted to use that data or not and mark in the spreadsheet as well as in the company website. It was impossible to work in offline, and the way it was set up, unless you weren’t doing your own work and staring at someone else, it’s really hard to know what someone is up to. It was also highly inefficient.

Thanks again for the advice and feedback from the commenters.

2. I manage a manager who’s uncomfortable discussing staff performance (#2 at the link)

Unfortunately, despite a few additional targeted conversations with Sally in which I 1) made it clear what a necessary part of the job it was, and 2) provided additional resources to her, Sally was just not able to engage in even the most basic conversations about Jane’s job performance. Taking Sally off the project or changing her role significantly wasn’t an option for multiple reasons (all bureaucratic and due to the nature of Sally’s position/educational background) so Sally continued to lead the project that Jane works on. A few months after I wrote to you, I took another job opportunity – a fully remote position that was a step up for me and also double (!!!!!) the pay. I’ve kept in touch with one of the other managers from my old workplace, who works directly with Jane. This person shared that Jane’s development has stalled and that Sally’s perspective has not changed, at least in any way that’s observable.

3. Coworkers and eating disorder recovery (#4 at the link)

Not really much to report here – the situation didn’t present itself again. I suppose I must have been standoff-ish enough in my responses to her that she just decided to stop asking! We’re also allowed to eat at our desks again. While I still have to walk past her desk to heat up food, I’m under less scrutiny than when folks go into the kitchen.

I wish I had more for you! I was ready to use your advice, but never had the chance.

4. “My rates aren’t unreasonable, you just can’t afford me” (#4 at the link)

Thank you so much for answering my letter! I was sadly traveling so I couldn’t be in the comment section on the day it went up, but I used your advice to rewrite my response to the following:

“Absolutely no problem, it sounds like it’s not the right fit for this project. I’m sure you will have no problem finding someone with rates that suit your budget, and I look forward to seeing [XYZ project] in the future!”

To which I got no reply until yesterday, when he replied asking if I could “just compare two documents” if I had a moment (= do unpaid work), so I replied with:

“I’m terribly sorry, I’ve taken on a project with another client and don’t have any availability right now. Best of luck!”

Hope I handled that ok! Your website is really useful for many reasons, but for me one of the main issues is nailing the right tone on emails. Thank you for all your work :)

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past. Here are four updates from past letter-writers.

1. How do I get out of my office’s toxic positivity meetings? (first update here)

You may remember me from such previous emails as “How Can I Get Out Of My Office’s Toxic Positivity Meetings?” and it’s lacklustre update “Can You Really Call It A Company Picnic If There Are No Chairs or Food Provided?”

Well I have one last update for you and it’s a doozy!

So at the time of writing my last update, I had talked about how our family wanted to move out of the city we were in. We not only managed to find a house we liked in another city, but I managed to negotiate, with the help of my direct boss who was an absolute rock star, going full time remote permanently to make this happen. On the low, I hadn’t had a raise in almost three years at that point, so it was a cheap way to give me something I wanted and keep their bottom line under control, but hey! I truly appreciated the concession and it was a good move for my family, in spite of some of the insane things that happened during the process (family of hoarders, previously unseen damage to the house, many other subsequent yikeses.)

Anyway, at the end of June I took two weeks off for the move, and while it wasn’t relaxing, it was a break from the ongoing stress of my job which focused heavily on supply chain management. However, almost as though they sensed that my frayed nerves were experiencing a reprieve, as soon as I came back from vacation, they hit me with another punch to the gut – the higher ups made the decision to fold the entire company and I was soon to be out of a job!

The good news is, I had been through a layoff before and jumped right into job hunting mode, emailing all my contacts and putting as many feelers out there as I could. As luck would have it, I interviewed four places, did second interviews with three, and got a hard offer from the position I was most interested in two weeks after my layoff.

So not only was I able to get a nice severance package (kudos to my old company – this was actually very generous) but I was able to land a new gig with better advancement opportunities and a close to 20% raise before we really even had to dig into our savings. Plus, I got an actual relaxing week off between job searching and starting my new position which I did this past week!

At end of the day, I am excited for the future and glad things shook out the way they did. Thank you for your time and advice in all of this – your column and the support from readers helped me through!

(Slightly crappy caveat – my fabulous former boss is still with the company and reports that, in the shadow of the company’s closure, the positivity meetings have returned for remaining staff, complete with admonishments for not smiling more! Looks like the powers that be never fully learned on that one!)

2. Dramatic responses after not being promoted (#3 at the link)

Thank you for publishing my question and I appreciate your feedback. I’d like to acknowledge some of the comments made, which were very valid, and provide a little context. I’d tried to keep my email brief to focus on what I viewed to be the key issues, which understandably resulted in some assumptions.

Some seem to the unhappy that I referenced the use of sick days. I’m very pro people taking leave, if they need it. I encourage it. What wasn’t detailed in my letter was that there are comments made in the office similar to, ‘well at least if I don’t get the role, I can take the day off sick’. Where someone is genuinely struggling with their mental health, days should always be used, as needed.

The second aspect I’d like to highlight was lack of progression demoralizing staff. I’ve been with the company a while now and almost every vacancy has been filled with an internal promotion. On my own team, since writing in, two more team members have been promoted. Team member progression is important to me.

Sadly, some of the team are jumping at roles that they are not experienced or qualified in. These team members have been spoken to to offer guidance and support. I link them with the relevant departments to obtain insight and the opportunity to undertake relevant tasks, if they want it.

Those I’ve referred to in my original letter have declined the option of development support, which I really don’t understand. I’ve tried to ask, but the answers seem a little entitled.

Now onto the update. I raised my concerns to the head of department. I chose not to name names, but highlighted the behavioral trends. As a result, further training is going to be offered to see whether there is an impact. Hiring managers will receive training on providing feedback.

Other managers currently don’t offer the progression support my team receive. I’ve been asked to work with those managers to see what we can do to help.

Rather than ignoring the negative behaviour, managers are now expected to talk to those involved, listen and offer support/advice. However, where necessary, the behaviour will be challenged.

Update to the update:

There is actually an update to the update!

Both colleagues were transferred to my team due to poor performance and the hope that I could coach them. Different issues arose with both around how they treated others in their daily role, with bullying claims made against both, and led to performance management actions. They have both taken new roles elsewhere and are no longer in the business. Hopefully, they will use it as a fresh start.

When they joined my team, I approached the hiring managers informally to find out more about why they weren’t being offered roles. Unfortunately, there reputations were what was stopping them from gaining internal promotions.

In another piece of positive news, a further member of my team has just received a promotion. We are very much a feeder team to the rest of the business. Almost everyone seems to have been in it at some point! who have now gained internal promotions! I’m starting to train my new team member and looking forward to a more positive working environment.

3. Are my mentors taking advantage of me? (first update here)

Amazing how things change in just a few years! I wrote originally (and updated) in 2018, that I did not have the political clout at work to reach out to VPs and VIPs on behalf of my alma mater and wasn’t sure if this was weirdness on my part or university mentors trying to “use” me.

Now, I am the liaison between my employer and my alma mater for both a very new scholarship program, and a revamp of a building on campus! These are multi-year, multi-million dollar initiatives beyond my full-time technical role. I not only came up with our strategy and vision for these efforts, but I also presented on both to upper level (great-great-GREAT-grandboss) senior VPs for their buy-in and support. Both of these are long-term recruiting efforts to the company, so it’s not just throwing money at the university, but it is nice to be able to give back in a meaningful way AND get face time with executives without looking like a bull in a China shop.

4. Ask a Manager speed round — the employer who wanted to misclassify an employee as a contractor

I asked, and you graciously answered, a question in your speed round last year on behalf of my son. He’s a recent technical school grad who got his first job at a very small business who said he’d be “responsible for his own taxes.” We thought that might mean misclassifying him as a contractor instead of an employee, and we wanted to know if he could face any individual legal or tax consequences from that misclassification. His decision was to plan/save as if he would be misclassified until he received tax forms from his employer.

No funds of any kind have been withheld from his income. Today, he mentioned to his boss that he did not ever receive a tax document, and also mentioned that his accountant (his aunt) told him he’d been given the wrong form – he should have filled out a W4, not a W9. His boss said he paid someone to do his tax forms, and he’d get her to straighten it out. (Maybe she’s a professional, maybe not, who knows – but with the absence of a 1099, I’m thinking not.) I’m hopeful that this will resolve the issue, and my offspring will only have to pay the employee portion of his tax burden.

I believe that this was just a misunderstanding caused by the small business owner’s lack of knowledge about tax law and procedure. However, even if it was intentional, addressing it this way allowed the owner to “save face” while being put on notice that he can’t save on his tax bill at an employee’s expense, without blowing up the employment relationship. That’s a skill I learned from your blog and passed on to him (neither of us is good at subtext).

I hope you know how important your work is. My son is not without privilege, but he’s young and naive. You are educating the vulnerable so that they have the knowledge to recognize when something is wrong or harmful to them, and you also give them examples of ways to speak up and even scripts. You’re doing great things that benefit many. Thank you so much.

Update to the update:

Last week my offspring received a bonus equivalent to about ten hours of pay for alerting his boss to the “tax issues.” Hurray! Still no sign of the correct forms he needs to file his taxes, though. He’s been keeping a log of his earnings, and I’ve helped him research how to file if he never gets anything from his employer.

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past. Here are four updates from past letter-writers.

1. My boss accused me of writing a negative review, but I didn’t

Both HR and the second in command responded to my forwarded email with outrage. HR said that she would talk to my ex-boss about it. The second in command took a little bit longer to respond, mostly because she was in shock with how the email was written. We had coffee together and she agreed to be a reference for me.

I ended up switching jobs again and did need that reference. It went seamlessly and I am salaried for the first time, working for a non-profit in an adjacent field.

Being away from that company has given me a perspective of how unhealthy it was to work there. I have been told that the position I once was in has been split into 2.5 jobs. Some of the commenters did mention how they thought it was odd how I called my ex-boss my boss. I agree! That company didn’t do well with boundaries, as even a year and a half later my ex-boss would occasionally text me questions about my role. He would text me even after the review emails he sent and has never apologized.

I looked for the review today and noticed it was no longer there. Since I share a similar social circle to my old coworkers, we have talked and shared a bit of office gossip. I have been honest with them about my experience and I have not heard of anyone else being accused of this. Perhaps HR really did get to him.

Working there has given me some great stories and perspective of what is and isn’t a healthy work environment. I am very glad for that experience, and very glad it is over.

2. I had to clean up after my boss’s toddler

I was an unpaid intern for a nonprofit when this happened. As I mentioned, this nonprofit is very small. In fact, the supervisor was the boss’s daughter. So I couldn’t go to the boss, unfortunately. My boss, who is a woman, turned out to suck as you mentioned. She was very toxic not only to us — my coworkers who were also unpaid interns — but to her daughters as well. Oh yes, my other supervisor was her other daughter, she’s 19. The age doesn’t bother me as much as the inexperience. I would leave work most days either very angry or crying.
I couldn’t get work off my mind during my down time. The toxicity was too much for me and I got another internship with another nonprofit but much bigger and more professional. The place is outstanding, right now I have freedom to go into work almost any time, as long as I get my work done. The people there are understanding and well just awesome. This might lead to a paid job, I’m hoping it does.

Thank you for the advice and the understanding. I needed someone to hear me and you did. I appreciate that more than anything.

3. My coworker leans on me for too much help (#2 at the link)

Since my original post I had taken a medical leave from work for several weeks. During that time Meg would have taken over my responsibilities. When I got back I had a chat with my manager who let me know she did have some complaints from other staff about Meg’s lack of attention to detail, timeliness, and professional tone in communication. Manager told me in confidence that Meg has been working with her doctor to address her communication issues (Meg had mentioned this to me briefly as well). Manager and Meg have started a weekly meeting to get Meg a bit more up to speed on industry knowledge. We’ve also divided tasks a little bit differently, with us working on projects a little more independently now and me taking on a bit more work and more client facing tasks.

So far this change has been an improvement, I think, although Meg’s quirks still irritate me on a personal level. That I might just have to live with.

4. Suggesting I return to my old job … with a big raise (#4 at the link)

I saw a comment on the post that basically said, think about what made you leave. It was really simple, but — I left for a reason. In the end, unless there was a guarantee of a major salary increase, it seemed like a moot point. They weren’t knocking down my door, and I would have ultimately felt like a wolf at theirs if I sniffed around, but only with a certain expectation.

However, I’m in a new job situation that is ripe AAM territory. Basically, I left my job for a new position a few months ago. I’m normally not afraid of a new challenge, and I like change — I was really excited. I’m about 3 months in and the onboarding has been SO hard. Every day, I’m worrying that the devil I knew might have actually been better than the devil I didn’t know. I am trying so hard every day to just give myself grace and patience, but I feel like a fool leaving a job I had a relatively good handle on (also where I was well-liked and respected) for a job where the starting period is either a lot rougher than they intended, or I’m not moving at a pace that feels normal. Maybe I’m getting older and starting a new job is harder.

I read a few posts on the site about how it takes 6 months to feel good at your job and that it’s perfectly normal to feel unsure about the choice you made, especially at the beginning. I’m not sure if I’ll know at what point it’s newbie jitters vs. not that great of a fit.

I think there is a lot of opportunity at this job. I am learning and getting better every day. However, the work keeps piling up whenever I feel like I’m moving ahead. I took this job because I really wanted to learn and grow in my field, but I’m worried it’s at the expense of me burning out.

Thanks for all you do! AAM forever!

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past. Here are three updates from past letter-writers.

1. I’m too good at interviewing — and get offered jobs I can’t do

Nearly 2 years ago, I wrote to you about being too good at interviews and getting offers for jobs I’m not qualified for.

At the time, I had interviewed for a communications associate position at a small/mid-size media agency in my city. When the job offer came through, it was for communications director—a position I was in no way qualified for at the time.

When my letter was published, I’d already declined the director position but failed to ask why they thought I’d be a good fit AND for them to consider me for the position I applied for. I think I was feeling a little…embarrassed? Maybe that’s not the right word. But in my mind, telling them I couldn’t do the job they thought I could felt a little humiliating. Ah, well.

However…being offered a bigger job happened AGAIN (at my current company, in fact—more on that later), and I was much more prepared to find out why this was happening not only thanks to your advice, but advice from the commentariat as well! How lucky are we to be able to glean insight from absolute strangers.

In particular, one comment really stuck out to me and sent me down a long and painful road of self-reflection that helped me on a path that better aligned with my goals (thank you, Annie!): “I am very aware though of the many facets of privilege that play into this – like for me at least ‘inexplicable charisma’ is part of the story but being white, educated, tall, and attractive are all relevant. Charisma is confident happiness and confident happiness doesn’t just spring into being – it’s reflective of a life of being approved of and having your individuality treasured and encouraged.”

I’m a recovering “entitled conservative white girl” and that comment made me take a hard look at how my privilege was shaping my career trajectory. In my mind, if I had such success with interviewing and getting jobs in this field, why should I change anything?

And not to discount my experience, because I have built an impressive resume—but going into these interviews being white, educated, tall, conventionally attractive, AND confident in my own “inexplicable charisma” probably unfairly opened up a lot of doors for me. Would someone with similar experience but of a different race be given the opportunities I was offered without trying? Maybe…but also maybe not. And that “maybe not” really didn’t sit right with me.

Learning to understand the privilege I’d always had that developed my “inexplicable charisma” helped me realize that I didn’t like the superficial field I was working in, so about a year ago I switched industries. I’m still in the communications “world” but working for a company with an ethos that better fits my worldview. It’s been life-changing, to say the least! My company is actively working to make the world more inclusive, and I’ve never been happier to finally be using my privilege powers for good!

Call me a sappy bitch, but I wouldn’t be where I’m at without all of you and I feel such a fondness for this blog and this community. So thank all of you for being here.

2. I don’t want an elaborate going-away party (#5 at the link)

I was very firm and reiterated to my management that I did not want a party and was uncomfortable being put on the spot. I suggested that I instead bring in donuts and pastries for my last day in the office, and people could stop by and say goodbye to me individually.

Unfortunately my management really, REALLY likes doing these awkward going away parties so my suggestion wasn’t acceptable. We came to a semi-compromise: there would be an office potluck to celebrate the end of our busy season (which had just wrapped up), employees celebrating birthdays in the quarter, and my going away, all lumped in together. This sounded acceptable to me as the focus would be shifted off of me somewhat.

I met with my coworker who had been tasked with planning the potluck, and told him that I do not want any speeches and (please please please) no Goodbye Song. (By the way, it is not from Sound of Music or any other songs guessed in the comments. It is in a foreign language that about a fifth of the employees speak, and the non-speakers get printouts of the lyrics written phonetically.)

As I’m heading into the conference room for the potluck, I see the aforementioned lyric printouts being passed out. There were no speeches luckily, but I couldn’t escape without one more rendition of The Goodbye Song.

But honestly it wasn’t that bad. It was as strange as it always is, and of course frustrating that my request wasn’t taken seriously, but that’s kind of a reflection of my whole experience working there. On to better things in my new job!

3. Can I suggest my interviewer hire my friend instead? (#4 at the link)

I woke up on the morning of the interview to not one but two sick children. Given the ongoing pandemic, I sent a quick email asking if they still wanted to meet, and we decided that interviewing on zoom would be the best option.

What I learned in the interview was that the job would actually be a great fit for my skillset, but we had very different understandings of what “part time” looked like. I am hoping to find something 10-15 hours a week at this point, and they wanted someone to start at 20-25 and ramp up to full time over the next 18 months or so.

Obviously that wasn’t going to work, so the next day I sent them an email thanking them for their time and withdrawing my application. I explained my reason, and attached my friend’s cover letter and resume with an note that I thought she’d be great.

She starts today! :)

Thank you all again for helping me navigate this in the most professional way possible.

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past.

Remember the letter-writer whose terrible yet charismatic former classmate was interested in her boss’s job (#5 at the link)? Here’s the update.

I realized something when you put out the call for updates that you answered one of my letters about five years ago, and the two letters have a connection point… So buckle up for a long update:

To begin, my most recent letter: I was able to avoid recommending my grad school classmate by stating that I was unfamiliar with her work relevant to my industry or the specifics of the role, so I wouldn’t feel comfortable referring her, effectively skirting the fact that she didn’t have any relevant experience and making it about my familiarity with her specific work. It was obvious to me, knowing the role she has been in since we graduated and knowing my industry that she isn’t qualified, but I didn’t have to bring it up.

Also, I’m about to say a lot of unflattering things about this classmate, so I will preface with this: having made the transition from academia to my industry, it took me a while, as I was applying for roles to feel out the level of experience wanted for the role that translated to my own experience. I knew that I was overqualified for entry level roles, but I didn’t know, for instance senior vs. lead vs. principal vs. director. I definitely applied to roles that, in hindsight, required more experience than I had. So I don’t necessarily think that her applying for a director level role was necessarily deliberately trying to get away with something or doing anything wrong. But I do think that once she realized she didn’t have the relevant experience, rather than admitting it, she would try to make up for what she lacked in charm, which seems to work well for her.

I didn’t mention it in the comments, but by the time your letter published, my old boss had left, thus I was not able to say anything to her about my former classmate’s interest in the role. By that point in time, they were interviewing candidates, and while I was not involved in the interview process, it became very clear that there were many people with a lot of highly relevant experience and industry connections, so I was slightly less worried about classmate getting invited to interview. In the end, I don’t know if she applied or not, but they hired someone with an extensive background in our field, who has been a delight to work with.

I did want to address something that came up quite a bit in the commentariat. There were some people who thought I was overreacting at the idea that my classmate would definitely get hired if she were interviewed. In hindsight, I probably was catastrophizing a little, getting the message from her definitely brought back memories of her charming her way into fellowships and research positions when we were in grad school when there were people who had more experience in the area in question and research experience that was a better fit. I never personally lost out to her on anything, but I had my own run-ins with her (more on that later!), and the idea of working for her was genuinely terrifying. Plus, having watched her behavior in grad school, the idea of her just kind of jumping into a position that I would likely need another decade of experience to be qualified for really brought all of that back up. So, I admit, I was probably overstating the likelihood of her getting the role in my panic about the thought of having to work for her.

That said, I do think that a full dismissal of the concern was also not appropriate—this is a person who is good at charming her way into getting what she wants, I’ve seen it happen multiple times and so I think the idea that it would never happen is also off base.

Overall, I do think your addressing it and some of the commenters support helped to assuage my nerves, even if it was a little too late to directly take your advice.

Now for the fun part: Five years ago, I also wrote you about a problem I was having with a grad school classmate and a freelance job that I had been offered over the summer (#3 at the link). You can probably guess who that classmate was… Honestly, it hadn’t crossed my mind when I wrote my more recent letter that I had written in about her in the past because I was so panicked by the contact, but after the letter ran, I remembered. Obviously, everything in my update to the second letter is kind of an update on this, regarding my relationship with that classmate. But specifically about this scenario, it just kind of fizzled. I did my freelance work over the summer, covered my expenses, and while I don’t think she fully got over it, I think she realized that she could only whine about it so much without people getting a bad impression of her. This was sort of the beginning of the end—before that point, I had considered her a friend, I even referred to her as such in my letter. After that point, I started to notice how literally everything she did was for her own gain. Obviously, in a PhD program, you have to work toward advancing yourself, but the way she went about it was not collegial, and so I spent the rest of my time in the program steering clear of her whenever possible.

Hopefully, the next time I encounter her, it doesn’t warrant a letter to AAM. I’m not trying to present this as a neat little karmic arc or anything, I don’t think my referral or lack thereof was what made the difference with this recent instance, but it amused me when I remembered I had written in about her before.

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past. Here are four updates from past letter-writers.

1. Executive is crying with delight at seeing people back at work — every day

I left that job.

Your advice, and the reassurance that the COO’s behavior was deeply abnormal, was a great push in the right direction. The daily situation did not improve, and the more I thought about your questions (does he otherwise seem his normal self? No. Are others noticing and feeling concerned? YEP.), the more frustrated I became that the rest of the exec team, especially the CEO, was letting it slide. Multiple people voiced their concerns, and were ignored.

All of this prompted me to think critically about whether this was a one-off thing, or part of a larger problem. Being back in the office really offered a lot of clarity, and it wasn’t a difficult decision to seek alternative employment once I realized that, in general, the organization was led by people disinterested in thinking about the staff as actual people with whole lives and needs versus butts in seats.

A few months after I left, I heard the COO simply stopped showing up after making a series of bizarre statements during a full-staff meeting. I don’t want to speculate on what was going on with him, but I do hope he gets the support he needs.

2. How can I sound more approachable in high-stress work periods? (#2 at the link)

Writing in was a good wake-up call for my stress levels. I did use more of the openers and friendly expressions suggested, but the biggest helper was just slowing everything down. My boss’s tendency to rush all the time (because we have too much to do and not enough time to do it) was rubbing off on me. That is definitely not the manager I wanted to be, because being managed by someone with limited warmth and no care about your personal life (even just a “how is your family doing?”) is not quite the best fit for me.

In the last few months, I have greatly reduced my work hours and am no longer a manager (of my own choosing). Once some things in my personal life move around, I’ll probably start job-hunting to see if I can find a better fit.

Thank you, and I wish all other letter writers happy updates this season!

3. Should I rehire an employee who left after five months? (#5 at the link)

Our ex-employee has so far stayed at his role with the other company (despite his issues with it), so I haven’t had to deal with the live question of whether to rehire him beyond the hypothetical. But you were right that, upon further reflection, I had been minimizing his serious performance issues because I like him as a person and enjoyed having him in the office. Our other employees have also shared how, despite their positive personal rapport with him, his inability to meet deadlines had been driving them up the wall—and for that reason, they are somewhat relieved he left. So for performance reasons alone, the passage of time has made it clearer that it would not be wise to rehire him even if the opportunity presented itself at some point.

That said, it was an important role for the company and we still haven’t been able to refill it yet! I’m not exactly sure why, but I imagine it’s a combination of the typical labor market issues many companies are experiencing and the niche nature of this specific role. (Our hiring process for other roles is moving along faster.) So knowing how difficult this role would be to fill was also probably part of why I was downplaying this employee’s shortcomings and entertaining the possibility of bringing him back. It hasn’t been easy to make do without anyone in this role for most of this year, but ultimately, it’s better to have a longer-than-ideal transition period between employees than to have a subpar employee in the role who is making others’ jobs more stressful.

4. I asked for help building my skills and got put on a PIP (#2 at the link)

I followed what you shared, and asked my manager for clarification on the PIP and how she planned to follow through with measuring my progress. Early on in the process, my manager described the PIP as a tool to help me and told me that she put a lot of effort into writing it. I implemented steps to fulfill the PIP and set up a dedicated time during our weekly check-in’s to discuss anything PIP related. I networked within the company on areas I wanted to improve on as well.

Throughout the four months I was on the PIP, my manager had relatively little feedback to share with me on my progress, did not complete my next quarterly performance review, and offered no resources on how I could improve. She did, however, send me a self-help book on finding my purpose in life.

Knowing what I know now about PIPs, I realize that the plan was not designed to help me succeed or get the structure I sought when I first asked for help. Her feedback on my work became increasingly berating, and she questioned why I needed clarification on projects when I had a master’s degree in my field. I mentioned some of her comments to HR, but they chalked it up to me not being a culture fit.

Needless to say, it was a challenging time, and I’m thankful a coworker clued me in that a PIP may not end well and to start looking for jobs immediately (in addition to AMA reader comments!). I was terminated at the end of the PIP, and left knowing that even if I had made it through, I couldn’t have thrived under that kind of management style. I received a job offer two weeks after my last day, which I accepted. I’m in a much better place and appreciate the advice you shared six months ago!