Ask a Manager

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Coworker keeps giving me praise I don’t deserve

When I got my current job a year ago, I filled a specific niche that they really needed. For the first few months, I was making a ton of new content for the organization, and making edits to existing content. Some of this was honestly low-effort, but because no one knew anything about my field, I was getting high praise for just about anything.

Then after those months, requests for new content trickled down and I only had to make edits every once in a blue moon, so I shifted to doing more administrative parts of my role. Eventually I got to a point where there’s not much else that needs to be addressed and my required workload is fairly light. I’m not complaining!

Now, though, the busy season has started up for me again and I have a coworker who I love working with, but she gives me so much praise I feel I don’t deserve! Example: She requested help with some content I had made last year, and gave me insight that I had overlooked a feature, so I made a simple change to a piece of content I had made and apologized for not including the option originally. She responded with a gushing email saying it’s super fine, I’m so busy making so much content with requests left and right, etc.

But I’m not! And this is a common theme with this coworker; anytime she has a request, she assumes I’m super busy because when I first started and had a backlog of content to make, I was. But most of the year I was not busy, and I just feel so awkward when she says things like that. Minor problem, I know, and maybe it’s not a problem really at all. But I’d like some advice!

One option is to just let it go. It’s not a big deal that she’s super gushy. But if you really feel uncomfortable with it, you could say, “Truly, I have plenty of time for work like this and I’m happy to do it.” Or even, “Our content is in a good place right now so I’m not spending as much time on this stuff as I was originally — and I really like doing it, so don’t ever hesitate to ask me to help with it.”

If she keeps gushing and assuming you’re swamped after that, so be it. You’ll have attempted to set the record straight and don’t need to keep explaining. At that point you can shift to, “Always happy to do it!”

2. Can employers ask if you’re a registered voter?

Yesterday my husband asked me That Question: “Is this legal?” I offered to email you and he agreed.

Husband is retired and saw that a local campground had part-time openings for the summer, mainly being on-site and available to guests. The application, along with more typical questions, asks, “Are you a registered voter and if so where?”

Background: Our area is rural and the small, touristy town that operates the campground has a Resort Board, two or three homeowners’ associations, and probably a local taxation district — which always seem to be feuding with each other and/or the mayor.

What worries me is that they might want to see proof, like his voter ID, which has his party affiliation. The vast majority here are both Republican and ardent supporters of the current administration/regime. Husband isn’t either one (neither am I).

Is it legal for a potential employer to ask if you’re registered to vote and where? In any case, what should he answer, or should he leave it blank? If it comes up in an interview, any suggested responses? (I did tell Husband I thought it might be a legal but possibly unwise question.)

They can legally ask if you’re registered to vote, but it’s an odd question and I’d want to know why they’re asking. There are some positions that specifically set out to hire locally, or are required to hire people who live in a certain county or township, but they typically just ask if you’re a legal resident of X; voter registration is a whole different question.

If your husband is interested in the job, he might as well go ahead and apply and either leave the question blank or answer “yes.” If he advances in their interview process and they ask anything more about it, he can respond, “Why do you ask?” and see what they say. You’re allowed to do that with intrusive or surprising questions in interviews! When you apply, you’re not committing to lay bare anything the employer might inquire about; you can push back, ask why they’re asking, or decline to answer. There may be consequences to doing that, of course, but if the alternative is that he doesn’t apply at all, I’d say he should throw his hat in the ring and see how it plays out.

3. I’m being ghosted by my current employer — can I tell my team why I’m leaving?

I’ve been a contractor to a start-up for three years doing projects for a particular team. After their manager quit on short notice, I agreed to be interim team manager. Legally I’m an hourly contractor but functionally I’m an employee. While I was clear I didn’t want this role, I said I’d do it temporarily because I believe in the company. After much back and forth without any path out of the manager role, I quit (with my next gig lined up for 30 hours/week).

My boss’s boss asked me if there was any time I could spare and I agreed to 10 hours/week in a different role related to the team (an analyst, not the daily operational support to the team) since they can’t afford to hire full-time. He said he’d get the contract to me ASAP, and then … crickets the past three weeks.

My manager contract ends in two weeks so I had to tell my team I’ll no longer be their manager and vaguely said I’d be moving to another role internally. My direct boss really doesn’t know what’s happening so he hasn’t communicated to me or the team.

I’d understand the decision to reneg on the 10 hours/week offer since they may not have the funds or the need, but there’s no communication at all. I’ve checked in politely a couple times on Slack, and just set a meeting on my boss’s boss calendar called “contract check-in.” I don’t want to assume I’m being professionally ghosted and am continuing my duties, but all signs point to it. If that’s the case, can I just tell my team that’s what happened? Otherwise they won’t realize it’s goodbye, or will think I’m just flaky.

It’s a small industry and I’m tempted to work for their direct competitors with all the industry knowledge I’ve gained from this company, which is more a spite move than anything else. If I were truly spiteful, I’d pursue through legal means since they’ve done “hidden employment” and really should be paying into my government’s payroll taxes. I know spite is never the answer but boy am I tempted! My boss’s boss thinks he’s invincible and I’d just like to take him down a peg personally. Financially, I’m FIRE and moving out of the industry anyway so I don’t see any real repercussions here.

Yes, you can tell your team what’s going on; you don’t need to just disappear one day without explanation. The professional way to do it is to keep it neutral but factual (i.e., don’t sound bitter about it, even if you are): “I’d agreed to manage the team short-term but not as a long-term solution. My contract for that work is coming to an end on (date) and we’d discussed my staying on in a part-time analyst role, but from what I can tell, it doesn’t look like that will be happening, so as things stand right now I’m planning for my last day to be (date).”

Also, it’s not spiteful to hold a company to its legal obligations! There can be political considerations that complicate that, but give real thought to pursuing the pay you’re entitled to.

4. Can I ask a full-time job if they’d consider hiring me part-time?

Is it ever okay to email an employer to ask if they would consider hiring a part-time candidate for a position advertised as full-time?

This particular company is hiring on a “continuing basis” (it’s a support staff position), and when I have been there they typically have three or four people working at a time. Is it ridiculous to contact them and see if a 40-hour position could be made 20 or maybe even 30?

And if they say no, would that affect my chances if I decide I do, in fact, want to apply for full-time?

Sure, you can ask. They may or may not be open to it, but there’s nothing wrong with asking. When you email, include your resume so they can get a better idea of whether you’re someone they’d consider it for.

Even if they say no, it’s unlikely to harm your chances with that employer in the future, although if you do decide to apply for full-time work there at some point, they might want to probe into how committed you really are to full-time (to make sure they’re not setting up a situation where they hire you full-time but you quickly ask to move to part-time).

5. When should I tell prospective employers I won’t need health insurance?

I’m taking my retirement from the federal government after 26 years of service, which includes health insurance. I’m only in my late 40s so I’m searching for a new job outside of government. At what point in the application/interview process do I mention that I don’t need health insurance? Thanks to the annuity, I don’t need to have as high pay as I did while working for the government. Not sure how to convey that while also not shooting myself in the foot.

It shouldn’t come up until the offer stage, at which point you can explain that you won’t need health insurance and ask if they offer a credit for employees who don’t use their plan. Some companies do (typically as a separate line item in your benefits, not just added to your salary) and some companies don’t — but it’s more of an administrative item to raise at the offer stage, not before that.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. What if hiring a spouse is truly the best choice?

I know that having a manager supervising their partner is fraught with peril — I have read enough AAM to have some great examples! But if the partner is truly the best candidate, are there guardrails you recommend? This is in a church context, and the minister’s partner is supremely qualified to be our music director. They are both being totally up-front about it, looking at alternate supervisory roles (could have a board member be the partner’s supervisor?), checking with the denomination for policy recommendations, etc. I am on the board and the hiring committee and looking for guidance.

There has also a suggestion that the partner be supervised by our volunteer HR committee. This seems awful. Even if these volunteers are completely qualified as supervisors, there will be disagreements and possibly unclear chain of authority. I keep thinking of cartoons about things designed by committee.

You shouldn’t hire the partner at all. Even if they’re the best candidate, hiring the minister’s partner is way too fraught! What if the person needs to be fired? Can everyone involved be 100% sure the situation won’t be dragged out in painful ways while everyone tries to avoid firing the minister’s partner? Can everyone involved be 100% sure that firing the partner won’t cause issues between the board and the minister? To say nothing of all the other issues that can come up with you hire a top person’s partner to work in the same organization?

There are other candidates who don’t come with those issues. The partner is not the only music director in the world.

But if you go forward with it anyway, definitely don’t have them managed by committee; that’s a recipe for ensuring they’ll receive either inadequate feedback or no feedback, issues are unlikely to be addressed in a timely manner, and they won’t have a single point person for guidance and support, and it would be unfair to them as an employee. It’ll also highlight the special nature of their situation to other employees, compounding the discomfort that’s likely to already be there.

This is a bad idea all around.

2. My new coworker told me to “slow down”

I recently received some feedback that I don’t know how to interpret. My coworker told me I needed to “slow down” and that “I didn’t need to prove myself because I was already on the team.” I feel like I did something wrong, but I’m not sure what.

I’m getting mixed messages here because my boss told me she wanted me trained on all practice areas by April, so I’ve been busting my butt trying to learn everything.

I don’t think I’ve been making any mistakes in my work, I’ve been asking good questions, and trying to take initiative on some projects. I’m not sure if this has anything to do with it, but I transitioned into this role in local government after several months of being unemployed and coming off of 8+ years in corporate roles. I’m scared to lose this job because I really enjoy it and my teammates, but “slowing down” is not really something I’m used to.

Well, it’s possible that your coworker told you to slow down because you’re moving at a speed that’s out of sync with their culture and are at risk of making mistakes, overlooking important context, or alienating team members … but it’s also possible they told you that because they’re threatened by you and/or worry about being outshined. I don’t know which of those it is, but your boss will probably know and this is a good conversation to have with her. At a minimum you should sit down with her and ask for her sense of how things are going … and ideally as part of that you would share the feedback you heard and ask if she agrees with it (and maybe whether it points to any context on the team that you should be taking into account).

3. Applicant lied on resume; should I tell her boss?

I am a director and recently received a resume from an employee at a partner organization. Our industry is small, and it’s common for employees to move between organizations. However, after reviewing her resume, I am certain she is misrepresenting her job duties.

I am friends with the director of her current organization and recently spoke with her about this employee. She has caused significant disruption within her current organization, including issues with a program we collaborate on. The duties she listed on her resume are not ones she was responsible for. I know this because we worked with different employees on these projects. Additionally, she included several responsibilities that, according to her director, were not part of her role and even led to disciplinary action.

Normally, I would not disclose to another organization that their employee is job searching. However, I also feel a sense of responsibility to inform my colleague that this employee is falsifying job duties under their name. If the situation were reversed, I would want to know. Should I tell her?

No. The appropriate consequence for lying on her resume is for you not to interview or hire her; it’s not to have her job search outed to her current employer.

4. Should I tell companies I’m interviewing with that I might be suing the government?

I was just fired by DOGE. I was not a probationary employee, and there is reason to believe the firing was due to political considerations and therefore illegal. I’ve been told that I may be a strong lead plaintiff for one of the class-action lawsuits that are being teed up. I am considering participating in one, for the sake of helping my fellow feds and preventing DOGE from destroying the government.

In the meantime, I also need to find another job outside government. Do I disclose to potential employers that if they hire me I could end up suing the government while working for them? It could impact them in three ways: (1) I would need to take time off at various points to spend on the lawsuit; (2) I could end up in the news, and my current employer would probably be mentioned in news reports, which would be viewed as a negative by some people reading those reports; (3) if the company does work for the government, a lawsuit by one of their employees could prevent them from winning new contracts.

Does the answer change if the company I’m applying to work for prefers to fly under the radar and generally tries to avoid press coverage?

My instinct is that, to protect my own interests, either I shouldn’t mention it at all until I’m hired, or I shouldn’t mention it until after I have an offer in hand. But this feels icky.

For people who don’t know what’s going on: Probationary employees in the federal government are being fired and are having it documented as being for “performance reasons” even when they’ve had glowing performance reviews and even when their managers oppose the firing. A slew of letters doing this to people went out on Saturday night (of all times). This is not only profoundly shitty from a human standpoint — being told you’re being fired for performance when your work has been good — but it will have practical ramifications too, since if they apply for another federal job in the future, this will come up during the background check.

Anyway, you definitely shouldn’t disclose the lawsuit/potential lawsuit until you have an offer, at the earliest — at which point you could maybe frame it as, “I want to let you know about this in case it’s something that you foresee causing issues.” But I’m not even convinced you should disclose it at that point; I see a stronger argument for not disclosing it at all, until and unless something specifically related to it comes up.

5. How to treat a coworker who’s struggling at work and has been moved into a different job

One of my coworkers who has been on my team has been transferred to a different role in the organization as a final Hail Mary before being fired if she doesn’t shape up.

It’s going to be awkward going forward because not only are we hiring for her old position, I am moving into her old desk. I will still see her daily and I’m wondering if it’s better to just pretend there’s nothing wrong and say nothing except pleasantries when I see her, or if congratulate her on her “new role” as if I don’t know why it’s happened (even though I have known for weeks and have been part of the decision-making around moving her). She has directly been told this is her last stop at our organization. Hoping for some professional guidance!

Treat her the way you would treat anyone who had just made an internal move that hadn’t been forced on them. You don’t need to congratulate her on the new job if you think that would be awkward, but otherwise try to mentally frame her in your head the exact same way you would anyone else who had simply changed roles. (Which means that you don’t need to feel weird or apologetic about having her old desk either.)

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Canceling a women’s group because of DEI concerns

I’m a PhD student and it seems like my university is trying to cancel the Women in Computer Science networking group that I run. They’re going about it in a really weird way: rather than directly saying “this is illegal D.E.I.,” they’re trying to send us on a bureaucratic runaround to maintain the status quo of funding and booking rooms. We’re in New England, so I suspect it would be locally unpopular to bluntly state that they’re cancelling women’s groups due to D.E.I. How do I fight this? Just delay, delay, delay until this political storm blows over? Fight it head on? Go to the press?

Go to your campus media, and possibly your local media. That’s outrageous.

The only DEI that’s “illegal” is giving a preference to one demographic group over another; gathering to support a particular group or to discuss issues affecting them is not illegal, even under the new federal directives that have been issued. This is a crock.

2. Are minimum requirements really an absolute minimum?

I’ve read your advice that it’s usually okay to apply if I meet about 80% of the qualifications for a job, but does the category of qualifications matter? When job postings split their criteria into “minimum” and “ideal,” is it fine to apply to jobs where I don’t (exactly) meet the “minimum”?

For example, a job will say a candidate “must have (a) five years of experience working with Role; (b) three years of experience in Environment; (c) two years of experience doing Work; and (d) familiarity with This, That, and The Other.” And that “an ideal candidate” would also have qualities/experience (e-h).

I’ll have (b-g) but (a) is iffy: say they want someone with five years experience working with C-level executives and I have five years with directors, or my relevant experience was 15 years ago in a job that isn’t on my resume because it’s otherwise completely unrelated to my current career. I have been applying anyway, addressing the discrepancy in the cover letter, but am I right to still apply?

Yes. If you didn’t have anything near (a), then it wouldn’t make sense to apply since that’s listed as a minimum requirement. But your experience is close enough that it’s reasonable to throw your hat in the ring. It could turn out that they’re being absolute rigid about that requirement, but there’s frequently room for some flexibility of interpretation if you have all the other qualifications. You can’t really know from the outside whether that will be the case or not, but you’re close enough to it that if you’re interested, you should apply.

Related:
should I apply to jobs I’m not fully qualified for?

3. Taking sick leave for emotional upset

I’m wondering your take on something I did a few years ago. I had something very upsetting happen in my personal life and was having a hard time focusing on work; I basically wanted to curl up and cry all day. I work remotely and had a light day — two meetings and no urgent to-dos. I went to both of the meetings but other than that didn’t do any work and used PTO to cover the hours.

To me, this felt like the mental health equivalent of a bad cold. I could have powered through and worked a full day, and I would have if needed. But on that particular day I didn’t need to, so I chose to take it easy. (I was back to work the next day.) What do you think?

That’s a completely legitimate use of a sick day. Mental health is part of your health!

Related:
what do I say when I’m calling in sick for a mental health day?

4. Can I just use the phonetic pronunciation of my name as my digital name?

I have a name that’s pronounced differently from the typical pronunciation. Let’s say my name is Aron – pronounced like A-Ron, not like “Erin.”

Coworkers call me A-Ron, until they see an email exchange with my name spelled Aron and now they call me “Erin.” Would it be okay if I changed my digital signature to A-Ron, so that people (coworkers and clients) will stop making their own assumptions about how to pronounce my name based on how it’s spelled? This is so frustrating to me, to have people who use to call me A-Ron, suddenly start calling me “Erin” because they saw my name in print.

Does anyone care if my digital name is legally correct? Going a step further, what are the legalities when I am writing a contract? I assume that I would use the correct spelling of my name to sign. But would I place the phonetic spelling in the contract, so that people see it and continue to call me by the correct name?

The phonetic pronunciation isn’t normally included in my business emails, but I do include it in my personal email account.

It’s going to cause problems and confusion if you spell your name one way in emails but need it spelled a different way on official forms and contracts (or work travel arrangements that someone else makes for you, etc.). But the solution for work emails is the same solution you’re already using in personal emails: include a note with the phonetic pronunciation in your signature. So your sign-off would be:

Aron Porcupine (pronunciation: A-ron)

That’s not uncommon to do if you have a frequently-mispronounced name, and it should solve a lot of it. You’ll also need to be willing to correct people in the moment if they mispronounce it, though.

5. Can I accept a job offer on the spot?

Can I accept a job right away if I’m sure I want it?

The context: There is one university in town, and I’ve been fairly certain for several months now that (a) it’s the only place better than my current position regularly posting jobs and (2) I want to leave my current position. I’ve applied for several jobs at the university over the past year, interviewed for two before this one, and been a finalist for one, so I’ve already talked to HR about their benefits and PTO. The salary range is available online. I would have twice as much maternity leave. I already know I want the job.

Assuming there are no surprises such as a lower salary than I expect, is there any reason I should delay and ask for a day or two to think it over? I am planning to negotiate salary right away if offered the job.

If you already feel confident you want to accept, there are no surprises in the offer, and there are no additional questions you need answered before making up your mind, there’s no reason you can’t accept on the spot (or begin negotiations immediately)! A lot of people do that.