Ask a Manager

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Should you put stay-at-home parenting on your resume?

I was scrolling through LinkedIn today for work and saw this listed in someone’s experience:

Stay-at-Home Mom
Feb 2005 – May 2015
Volunteer position requiring training in child development and behavior. Job required strong skills in time management, dispute resolution, communication, accounting, procurement, and cost reduction. I was required to work with no supervision or coaching while making fast decisions regarding the family organization.

I don’t know if it is on her resume but I thought it was a cheeky yet truthful way of filling the stay-at-home-mom job gap. Does it belong on a resume or LinkedIn?

No. It would be different if it were just a brief mention to explain why the person was out of the workforce for X years. But the issue here is that it’s written in a way that frames caring for one’s own kids as a professional job rather than a personal one.

It’s not that parenting isn’t hard or valuable work; it is. But as a general rule, work that you do for your family or household doesn’t belong on a resume. Largely that’s because you’re not accountable in the same way you would be at a paid job. An employer also has no way of knowing if you did terribly at it (and they can’t find out since it’s not an area that would be appropriate for them to probe into in an interview or with references). Additionally, if something is a common life activity, it’s generally not going to be resume-worthy (and indeed, you don’t see working parents listing their own child-rearing work).

Related: can I put running my household on my resume?

2. I don’t want to train my new manager

About six months ago, my direct supervisor (Phyllis) retired, leaving no one in her position (we normally have two people at her level doing complementary jobs). I work in government, so it’s taken a while to hire even one person to replace them both, and the person they hired (Pam) doesn’t yet have a start date. We’ve had people filling in, but for the past few months I’ve been handling most of the responsibilities for my program. I’m fully capable of doing this higher-level work (I’ve done it before in a different location), but it’s been a lot to take on, especially because I get no bump in pay or title.

I was interviewed for Phyllis’ position, but didn’t get it. I understand they went with Pam because she has significantly more experience than I do, but from what I know Pam has never worked in my agency before. I have worked in this type of department in both this agency and the private sector, and I know that the procedures, software, etc. in this agency are often drastically different and present a significant learning curve. I entered the agency about three years ago and had to learn all of the processes and quirks with very little help because I had an ineffective supervisor (not Phyllis). It was difficult (lots of tears), but I’m now pretty proficient and some people in other locations even come to me for help with some of our processes.

Since Phyllis left, I’ve been reporting to her boss (Michael) who, because of how our larger department works, knows very little about our program. I am one of only two people at our location with the institutional knowledge to train Pam, and the other person now has a different job entirely. I know if I let it happen, I will be the one guiding Pam through the convoluted maze of our specific program. How do I tell Michael preemptively that I don’t think it would be fair for them to ask me to train my new supervisor? I’m wondering if my bitterness over not getting the job is clouding my judgment, but having to train someone who is supposed to be the one training me feels like a slap in the face, especially because of the drastic raise in pay and benefits that I am not receiving.

You can’t really say that. It’s very, very normal to be expected to show your new manager how your team does things. You’re not training her in the substance of how to do her job — you’re training her on your department-specific procedures. For example, if she were hired to manage fundraising, I’d expect that you might need to train her on how to use the internal donor database, common processes your team uses for mailings, how to use the finicky calendaring system, and so forth. I wouldn’t expect you to train her in how to develop fundraising strategy, set the team’s goals, or manage your performance; those are skills she’s presumably bringing with her, and the reason she’s been hired. But the stuff that’s specific to how you do things internally is normal to train her on.

It does sound like you have a legitimate beef about the significant increase in your workload and responsibility, and it’s reasonable to ask for that to be recognized (whether with a one-time bonus or a raise or so forth). But you can’t really say “I’m not going to show our new manager how we do things” without it reflecting very badly on you.

3. Strange recruiter interaction

I just had a strange interaction with a recruiter from a big name recruiting firm. She messaged me on LinkedIn claiming a former colleague from Company X had “spoke[n] highly” of me and described an attractive job without listing an employer name. When we finally got on a call, she refused to tell me who the former colleague was. Also, rather than telling me about the job opening or identifying the employer, she asked me in an open-ended way to describe what I was looking for. I gave a quick summary of the two kinds of opportunities that could entice me to leave my current job. She declared the original job wasn’t a good fit because I prefer to be remote, didn’t mention any other roles, and wrapped up by wishing me luck on another job I mentioned I’m currently interviewing for.

I would just write this off as a recruiter with a very strange approach, but I’ve worked in recruiting and my spidey sense is tingling. Could my current employer have put her up to this? I wouldn’t put it past my grandboss! No recruiter would agree to do this, right?? Please tell me I’m just being paranoid.

It’s unlikely that she was on a fact-finding mission for your boss. It’s more likely that she was engaging in that common recruiter behavior of not disclosing the client/employer name without first establishing that you’re interested, either because she doesn’t want you applying on your own (since she works on commission) or because the employer wants discretion at this stage. It’s also possible that the colleague who spoke highly of you was fictitious — that she uses that as bait to get potential candidates on the phone — because otherwise it’s weird that she wouldn’t tell you who they were (although it’s also possible that that person asked not to be named so their own search remains secret).

4. Should I delete a short stint from my LinkedIn profile?

I started a new job, and I updated my LinkedIn profile that same week. Unfortunately, three weeks later, the company downsized, and I was laid off. I was nervous about being visibly unemployed on LinkedIn while applying to new jobs, so I left the company on my profile as “2022 – Present.” Now, I’ve successfully found a new role, and I’m wondering if I should delete the other one from my profile entirely (leaving a five-month gap in employment), or if I should amend it to show my actual start/end dates (one month apart) with a note about the layoffs. It was not a big enough company to make headlines for layoffs, but it is respected in the industry.

Remove it. Three weeks isn’t enough time to strengthen your profile, and the short stint will just raise questions that will detract from the stronger points you want to highlight. (I’d keep it off your resume for the same reason.)

5. How can we make our department appear more occupied?

My team had some success with a “Bartleby the Scrivener” tactic of simply ignoring orders to work in the office. However, the boom has been lowered — we’ve been told we need to keep up appearances because other teams have complained that we’re not coming in.

Our bosses don’t really care and have said if people have a specific need to stay home on a given day, that’s fine. The key metric is that our desk area look generally occupied when office busybodies walk by.

One team member suggested we decorate for holidays to increase the “lived-in” look of our cubicle pod. I’d love to hear suggestions (both serious and wacky) from the readers on how to maximize the appearance of attendance, using less than 100% of our team on any given day!

(Ridiculous side note: the building was painstakingly crafted to maximize hip collaboration spaces, outdoor seating with strong wifi, etc. Plus a lot of us will be in conference rooms attending meetings most of the day. So we could all be in the office 40 hours a week and still not be seen in our cubicle area!)

Scarecrows? Holograms?

I’m happy to throw it out to the readers, but it sucks that your bosses are going with “your desk area needs to look occupied” as their key metric rather than pushing back against the office busybodies. I realize they might have higher priorities for where to spend their capital right now, or might have correctly judged that pushing back won’t get them anywhere and risks drawing more attention to your team’s quiet rebellion — and your team might prefer this plan to the alternative — but it still sucks.

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Is “have a blessed day” inappropriate at work?

Is it appropriate to end your professional voice mail greeting with the phrase “Have a blessed day”? I find it jarring to encounter in the context of work as a non-Christian.

I find it mildly jarring too (also as a non-Christian), although it’s a really, really common thing to say/hear in the south … so common that a lot of people would be surprised to hear that anyone takes issue with it (which is a problem and reflects the privilege of the dominant faith to not even be aware that some of its words and trappings aren’t secular).

Outside of work, it’s easier to simply take the phrase as a general expression of well wishes. At work though, the bar is higher; people should keep religious statements — even mild ones — out of work communications (including their outgoing voicemail messages). You’re going to have an uphill battle arguing that among most of its adherents though.

2. I’ve been promised a promotion for years and it never happens

I have been at my institution for eight years. In that time my role has expanded significantly but my title and compensation have remained largely unchanged, save for the annual flat 2% raise that all employees get and a 2021 “adjustment” to make my salary level with comparable jobs at competitor institutions.

During this time, I have had five vice presidents, two direct supervisors (and two years with no supervisor), and three mid-supervisors all with varying degrees of interest and control over my job. The transitions and gaps in leadership have meant that promises from past supervisors have gone unfulfilled. Even our HR department has gone through two complete changeovers from when I began, and my evaluations have been incomplete or completely absent for years.

My director (who says she adores me) has told me that she’s been pushing for a promotion for me for three years. A year ago when I brought up my frustration with my stagnant position, she told me that the vice president told her that she must wait for a new mid-supervisor role to be filled and that person would be able to promote me.

Fast forward to when that person was hired and my supervisor and I told her that I was looking to be promoted: that person immediately told me that she had to wait until the vice president was brought into these discussions. When I brought that up to my supervisor, she suggested I wait another three to six months and bring it back up.

I feel like this level of buck-passing is a clear answer that my work is either not valued … or it is taken for granted. And after eight years, I suppose I really can only blame myself for waiting so long. Am I jumping the gun if I jump ship now?

No.

No, no, no.

You are never jumping the gun for deciding to look at other options after eight years, even without all of this stringing you along. But throw in eight years of empty promises and delays and constantly moving timelines, and your manager would be remarkably obtuse if she didn’t realize that of course you’re likely to be looking and of course they may lose you over this. (That doesn’t mean she won’t be surprised or disappointed; she might be. But she shouldn’t be.)

They’ve had plenty of time to try to keep you. They haven’t, and they’ve given you no reason to think that will change anytime soon. Make your decisions accordingly.

3. My company intranet shares every employee’s home address

I just started a new job at a nonprofit with kind of … patchwork operations protocols. I’ve just realized that in the intranet staff directory, you can see everyone’s home address. This is not good, right? That’s info HR should be keeping private?

Yeah, that’s not good! There’s no reason that every employee of your company needs to know where every other employee lives. That’s personal data that should be restricted to people with an actual need to know (like payroll people).

4. Should I tell my interviewer I’ve already accepted another job (which I’d be giving up if I got this one)?

I recently accepted a job offer. It’s far from perfect: it’s an entry-level job, part-time, and only for a couple of months, not-so-great salary and it’s starting in two months. But it’s a job, which I desperately need at this point after being part-time or completely unemployed for a while.

This morning I was called for an interview for a much higher level job for a longer period, full-time, and matches my degree much better. If I manage to get it, I will definitely take it and I believe the other job will understand. My question is: I should keep quiet at the interview about the other job, right? Or could it somehow make me seem a better candidate? After all, it’s showing that I’m not completely useless (like I feel after months of desperately trying to make ends meet and sending endless job applications) and I’m not planning on staying home and waiting for opportunities. These jobs have nothing in common, if that matters.

Don’t mention it. Your reasons for taking the first job but also interviewing for the second make complete sense, but there’s too much risk of making your interviewer uneasy about whether you’ll continue interviewing once you’re employed with them as well. (To be clear, that wouldn’t be particularly reasonable since that the first job is lower level, part-time, and temporary, but it’s a risk nonetheless.) And knowing that someone else wanted to hire you doesn’t carry enough weight to cancel that out.

5. Should I let my manager know that I’m expecting an excellent review?

My Fortune 500 company uses a nine-block matrix during annual performance reviews, with the two axes being Behavior and Performance. Example: An average employee is in the middle box (as-expected behavior, as-expected performance), while an outstanding employee would be in the top corner (great behavior, great performance). These boxes affect our raises and bonuses. I have been told by my previous manager that getting the highest box is quite hard and reserved for an especially impressive year, and that some luck is involved in having a year with enough opportunities to prove yourself. Therefore, most high-performing employees like myself are regularly placed in the top middle box (great behavior, as-expected performance). I have only been in the top corner box once in six years.

I have had an especially successful year this year, including successful completion of difficult projects, booking additional customer contracts based on that work, and taking on many new responsibilities outside of my standard role. I have numbers to support these claims. Can/should I let me manager know of my intention to be considered for a top box review?

My previous manager would not have needed the reminder, as she was a fierce advocate for our team and our results. However, she left the company earlier this year, and my new manager is a little different. For starters, she is located at a different site and we have only met in person a few times. With the departure of my previous manager, my new manager is now overseeing our group in addition to the group she has managed for years, and my group has noticed a slight bias towards her original group. She is also very conservative in her approach, always wanting to have all the ducks in a row before making a claim. I am concerned that even though she has been complimentary of my work, she may overlook that I have had the type of year that should be considered for the top box. A lot of things had to fall into place to be able to achieve my results this year, and I don’t want the opportunity to be missed!

I would like to send a short email briefly listing my accomplishments (more detail would be included in our official review form) and stating that I would like to be considered for a top box based on these results. What are your thoughts? Is this inappropriate/too pushy? Although this wouldn’t really be true, should I include a phrase indicating I understand if she disagrees?

It’s not too pushy if you can back up your case with specific achievements, and you can. It’s a good idea. If nothing else, it tells your manager that she should be prepared to explain why she disagrees if in fact she does.

I would not include a mention that you will understand if she disagrees; that will water down the strength of your argument a bit. (And it’s not like not including that implies that you’ll throw a fit if she reaches a different conclusion than you did, since presumably she knows you to be reasonable and professional.)